"Champ, when I was your age, I got my job down at the factory

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>("Thank God it's Friday. Just running out the clock until it's time for me to punch out. Hopefully, no one barges in here and disturbs me until then -- especially not that kid who keeps asking me for a job.")
>slurps audibly

tfw your dad never called you Champ

>>38995802
>that he shook my hand and hired me right on the spot
how firm was the handshake?

I'm quitting my job and moving back in with mom.
What do you say to that, Father?

>tfw I actually did walk in to a business, speak with the manager, and get hired on the spot
the manager was my uncle

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>>38996226
"Firmer than the one you'll give the manager when you ask him for a job today, Champ. The point is that getting a job or a girl is about being persistent and having a firm handshake."

"Did I say 'manager?' I meant 'manager(s).' This is the first stop we're making, Champ, and we're not turning back until someone hires you on the spot. Do your best, Champ. No excuses."

>>38995802
Why do you always push jobs in retail and fast food? I thought parents like who were into muh college

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>>38996282
GET OFF THAT COMPUTER AND GO OUTSIDE AND GET A JOB. LOOK AT YOU: YOU'VE SPENT THE LAST THREE YEARS DOING NOTHING SINCE YOU'VE GRADUATED. IT'S NOT NORMAL. IT'S NOT OKAY ANYMORE. YOU'RE WASTING YOUR LIFE. I'M GONNA DRIVE YOU AROUND TO LOOK FOR A JOB AND YOU'RE GONNA GET ONE, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT, YOUNG MAN.

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>>38996328
"Say again, Champ. I can't hear you through this coffee I'm slurping obnoxiously."

>>38995802
Reminds me of my dad, the fucking asshole. Wouldn`t shut up about `muh do it or leave it go hard or go home, you little shitbag because the world is tough and all`.
What a cunt. He is succesful though.

>>38996354
How about you eat my ass you faggot

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>>38996535
"Champ, there's nothing about your attitude that can't be fixed by getting a job. And getting a job is as simple as showing up, speaking with the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you wanna work there. Four simple steps, Champ! I didn't raise a quitter."

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Don't fall for this shit. Fulltime NEET while exploiting roasties online is the only way to go.

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"How's the job hunt going there, Champ? You know, you'll never get one until you crawl out of that shell of yours and take the first step. And that's as easy as as showing up, speaking with the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you want the job. It's simply a matter of being confident and having a firm handshake, Champ."

>>38995802
God I hate baby boomers. Do they not understand that getting a job in the current year isn't as easy as getting on 40 years ago????

>>38996319
This happened to me last week. Good thing I knew how to fake a panic attack.

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>>38996879
>>38996913

"Quitters never win, Champ. And winners never quit. When I was your age, I worked like hell at the construction site to support the entire family and buy us a three bedroom house, two cars, a boat, and our winter retreat down in Sedona. How do you get there? You don't get there by making excuses, Champ. You get there by walking into the store and asking to speak with the manager. Stand up straight, look him in the eye, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you wanna work there. It's that simple, Champ!"

But dad I made $3,000 dollars yesterday from trading Bitcoin. Wage slavery is for plebs!
*unsheathes laptop*
*teleports to Bittrex*
*pull up my wallet*
Heh. Nothin personal pops.

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>>38997026
*teleports behind you*
Really? Lemme see that, Champ.
*takes computer*
*goes to your online wallet*
*donates it all to charity via PayPal*
*rips out your hard drive*
See you in the car.

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These hands. You can shake them.

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GET A JOB
EVEN IF IT'S PUMPING GASOLINE
SHAKE HANDS HARD, FIRM, AND MEAN

handshakedad memes are the only reason i come on this board anymore seriously cheers me up

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"Champ, your mother and I agree that it's time that you went outside more and got a job. Getting a job will allow you to do all those things you've always wanted, like saving for a rainy day. Oh, turn that frown upside down, Champ. We're making you do this because we care, and no one else cares about you as much as we do."

"Oh, don't give me that mularkey about applying online and having to go through HR. It's as simple as showing up, speaking with the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you wanna work there. Can't get any easier than that, Champ."

Handshake magic worked for me but HR somehow tried to sabotage it all. I'm a pesky little shit so I eventually got the desk number to the manager and director. I called multiple times over three weeks and they kept saying it's in the works but I definitely got it. Until one day I call and they said it's already approved and I should be coming in for training. I tell them I haven't received word. He kicked it back down ot the manager and she then tells me HR killed it but she was getting to the bottom of it. It was nearly 4 additional weeks later before I finally got called in for the papaerwork. Apparently that department and someone in HR had a vendetta going on and that was their way of fighting. What is even the point of HR if it's the units doing all the hiring and firing anyway?

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"No. Get back in the car, Champ."

Hey dad, great news, I got a job! Its at the airport, and it pays pretty well. Its not glamorous, but its a living! I'm sorry for doubting you dad, you were right. All it takes is a firm handshake. I love you dad.

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>>38999066
"Great job, Champ. Proud of ya."

"Now when are you gonna find a nice girl to settle down with? Having kids is important because it makes you mature and responsible. It also ensures that your legacy will live on and that someone will be around to take care of you when you're old. But first: Finding a nice girl. Almost the same deal, Champ: All it takes is standing up straight, looking her in the eye, and giving her a firm handshake."

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"Just go in there and shake the manager's hand, Billy. Do it for your grandma and me."

>>38999096
But dad how can I know she is a virgin and I won't get cucked?

When i was an illegal thats how it normally worked.

>Wake up at 330am
>Drive to gas station near highway
Wait for contractors
>Hey man im mexifag you need an extra hand? Im good to go, can drive a loader a 480 and anything with a track on it, not afraid of work and i dont mind getting dirty.

17/hr here i come.

Most were assholes who were too small fry to hire someone on the spot. Every now and then i would catch a supervisor and they would be impressed that i was in work clothes and brought my tools at 330am that they would just hire me for a few days see how i worked and then hire me through the company.
They pay off was always around 17/hour

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>>39000679
This is a good strategy, ese. Yuwanna come work for me, meng? Ask me again after I've finished my coffee and horchata.

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>>39000436
"Billy, this is your grandpa. Just go in there and help that nice girl raise her child, Billy. Who knows? You could make the difference in that kid's life, thereby ensuring that someone will be around to take care of you when you're old."

Normies believe this.

>>39000762
It worked surprisingly well. And if i didn't see anyone or had bad luck that morning i would go to the staffing agency's at around 515ish and STILL be one of the first ones there so i along with a handfull would get the good spots.

>>39000847
Dad you do realize that it won't really be your grandkids right?

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>>39001605
"You could make the difference in that kid's life by being there for him, Billy, thereby ensuring that someone will be there to take care of you when you're old."

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Jokes on you, my uncle knew the manager of the shop. Now I'm wageslaving with no firm handshakes required.

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>tfw literally just did this and got hired at a nursery for minimum wage

TOP FUCKING KEK NEETS, MAKING BANK, GOT A BRAND NEW 2018 CHEVY AND MY ENTIRE GANG BOOLIN

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>>39001958
Attaboy! There's nothing that you can't achieve with some confidence and a firm handshake, Champ.

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but I am afraid, i dont wanna give the manager a firm handshake

So... does this firm handshake thing unironically work?

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>>39002436
"Champ, you'll never reach the higher branch if you don't jump. Put some backbone into it! Go in there and ask for the manager. Stand up straight, look him in the eye, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you're the right man for the job. Can't go wrong with the firm handshake, Champ."

>>39002448
See >>39002257

I really appreciate the effort you guys put into this meme.

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>>39002595
You're welcome, Slugger!

P.S.: Have you tried applying here?

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Herro, grandson, we are happy to see in Guangzhou. We herp you unpack. But be ready! Tomorrow, you appry at rocar Engrish ranguage schoor. Bring biodata, look manager in the eye, and bow to him in humbre gratitude. Okay, see you!

>picture of a Safeway
Don't work there.
t. Safeway employee

>>39003701
No point grandpa. You arways disapproint anyway.

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"Champ, getting a job is a matter of crawling out from under that thick shell of yours and shaking some hands. And you might fail at it for a while. You might ask 200 people to pass on your resume with no results, but try asking 400 and you'll probably get a job. You might even get it sooner if you walked in there, spoke with the manager, gave him a firm handshake, and told him you're their guy."

"Didn't just bring you here for lunch, Champ. What better place to look for a job than here? While you speak with the manager, I'll get us two Sweet Teas and two Grilled Chicken Sandwiches. We'll skip the tendies, Champ. Fried food is a one-way ticket to heart-attack city on the cholesterol express. Oh, don't gimme that look, Champ. You can buy your own once you get your first paycheck."

>>38995802
tfw no champdad

>>38995802
Honestly unironically wish i was born in my fathers time.
Would have been so easy to get a job.

>>39003701
> Herro, grandson, we are happy to see in Guangzhou.
Isn't there anon that is doing this exact thing, he posted a thread awhile ago

>>39002448
I've always had better luck with getting a female interviewer and charming the hell out of her. Its funny how my tongue swells up and my throat gets impossibly dry when I'm trying to get a girlfriend, but I have absolutely no problem using seduction to get a job or waive some fee.

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>>39004136
Grandson, I am disappoint. We no raise your mother to make off with white devil to raise you to be quitter. Now you go to Engrish schoor tomorrow, speak with manager, and bow in humber gratitude. That's arr it takes. See you.

Poopoo peepee was a better forced meme than this you miserable faggot

>>39004311
You and me both. I would fucking love to have grown up in the fifties and been able to enjoy the post war optimism and americana. It would have been pretty kickass to be able to afford college with a part time job and just have my parents arrange a wedding with a family friend so I wouldn't have to worry about that.

>>39004707
I fucking loved poopoo peepee. That was probably my favorite recent meme after doggo want the fishe.

I literally got this horseshit speech over the phone last night after my mother drunkenly called half of my family to tell them how disappointed in me she was. The best part is that I live a hundred miles away, support myself, and haven't talked to them in years because they're a bunch of tribal hicks. They just ring me up every now and then to tell me I'm disrespectful or that they were doing something that mattered in life at my age.

>>39004169
>We'll skip the tendies, Champ.

The reason I became a wagee at 13 to buy the food I wanted. Mom always trying to force healthy food on me. I'm going to eat myself to death I eat like some people smoke. I wake up and get into my car to find a heap of wrappers and empty bottles from last night gas station snack run.

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My mom literally did this with me and now I'm a provider and it's pretty comfy and the pay is good. Best part is that I get to help others! ;^)

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>>38995802
>Tfw actually walked in and got a job with a firm handshake and confident charisma
>Tfw was high on Adderall

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>>39005315
Great job, Champ! Remove laziness from household motherland!

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>>38995802
"Whadya mean you don't want to go out today job hunting?, You know what Champ, you're right, why waste gas driving around town when we can simply go right to the mall and go store to store, now don't mind the large crowds of people Champ, I know you get nervous but all you have to do is walk in, ask to speak to the manager, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you wanna work there. I know you can do it Champ, I'll pick you up around 4:00"

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>>39005501
*watches as anon and his dad go from store to store*
>("Those two look mighty suspicious, but I can't be bothered right now.")
>slurps coffee

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"Ya remember to follow up on those places you applied to last week, Champ? You know, it's better if we went back there in person. Whaddya mean 'it's embarrassing?' You'll never reach the higher branch if you don't leap for it, Champ. It's about getting outta that thick shell of yours, talking to the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you wanna work there. Champ, your mother and I are pushing you to do this because no one cares about you as much as we do."

>>39002448
It's a meme, but good first impressions and appearance is absolutely key. They're going to be the most critical when they first form their opinions about you so make it count. Actually knowing anyone remotely worthwhile already in the company is a far easier way to get in with their good word than just walking around shaking hands.

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"Champ, I know you're down in the dumps over going to Guangzhou, but it'll give you an opportunity to meet new people and live a normal life again. Who knows? You may even find a job and someone special out there. Remember to greet your grandparents by shaking their hands and bowing to them in humble gratitude, Champ. You can have them buy you a new computer once you've gotten settled."

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>>39007545
Underrated my original friend