"Champ, I know how hard it must've been for you to

>>38949313
fuck off dad, i would rather sit at home and play video games all day!!

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>>38950197
"Raise the LCL compression density to the limit. We haven't the time to deal with the childish tantrums of a developmentally-delayed man."

>>38949313
but dad i have social anxiety!

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>>38950262
"Champ, you could either sit there and make excuses, or you can be a man and dig yourself out of this mess. I'll drive you around town to look for a job, we won't stop until someone hires you on the spot. Remember to show up, speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, and reiterate your desire to work there. Four simple steps, Champ! I'm doing this because I care, Champ -- and no one else will."

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I used to work at chickfila and after I got my haircut in the mall when i was 15, I talked to my friend who was working there and he asked me if I wanted a job. Said hi to the assistant manager and started work the next week.

I ate so many nuggets and waffle fries it was unbelievable. I'm such a fatass when they brought back that tin to wash and clean, if it still had fries in it I'd eat them all. I'd even scrape them across the bottom to soak up the salt.

Looking back that was an awesome job. Except I got raw chicken all over my shirt and pants every night.

These posts have actually been helping me with being able to motivate myself to get a job.

Thank you anon for being the dad I never had.

The funny thing is that shit would work at CFA. Too bad the job is shite

>go to interview
>firmly shake employer's hand
>give confident aura during interview
>get job

thanks dad

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"Winners never quit, Champ. When I was your age, I got my first job at the factory by walking to the interview in the middle of a snowstorm after my Mustang wouldn't start. It was the worst snowstorm in state history, and the manager was so impressed that he looked me in the eye, shook my hand, and hired me right on the spot. It's all about taking the initiative, Champ. And it's as simple as walking into the place, speaking with the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you're the right man for the job. Where there's a will, there's a way, Champ."

>give the manager a firm handshake
>she calls the police
>I'm in jail for sexual harassment

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>>38950943
"Then we'll try someplace else after you make bail, Champ. I didn't raise you to be a quitter, did I? Remember to walk into the place, speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you're the right man for the job. What've you got to lose, Champ?"

>>38949313
why does dad always say the same thing, in every conversation we have? I'm worried about you, dad :(

>>38950960
Dad I'm on the sex offender registry now, nobody is going to hire me because I'm a criminal.
My life is over, I'm going to jerk off to my anime figurines one last time and then I'm going to end it all.

But daaaaaaaad! The store said to apply online!

>walk into the store and ask to see the manager
>he comes out, asks me what's wrong
>tell him I want to work here
>oh, uh, we're not hir-
>grab his hand and begin firmly shaking it
>Please let go of my hand sir you're unsettling me
>stare him down, let go
>he nervously retreats
Ah well, there's always next time.

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>>38950985
"Champ, when I was your age, I was able to support the entire family and buy us two cars, a boat, this house, and our summer vacation home up in Reno with the job that I got down at the factory."

"No, I didn't need to pay $1500 a year and $5 per book and listen to some drugged-up, limpwristed commie to mold those plastic knobs for laundry machines and make sure they were up to factory standard. Did you know how many people I saved from filing down the pointy edges? Do you, Champ? I expect more than a whole lot of nothing from you, Champ. And to get on the right track, all you need to do is show up, speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you want the job. I'm driving you all over town to look for one, and we're not turning back until someone hires you on the spot. It's for your own good, Champ."

>>38951046
Things aren't so easy anymore, dad. You just rode the post-WWII economic boom to success. If the government would fund all my home loans as part of veteran's benefits, I'd have a home, just like you. But America has stagnated. Without our competition literally being in ruins, we can't compete- and the world knows it. China is taking all our manufacturing power, and we're buying into it en masse. Without factory worker's rights in China, the slinty-eyed gooks work 120 hours per week for little to no pay. How can we compete if we're bound by unions to treat our factory workers like human beings? How, dad?

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>>38951119
"Champ, anybody can get a job. And if you're going to sit there and point the finger at people who have had absolutely no problem finding jobs, maybe YOU'RE the problem; not them. Now you can either sit there and blame others for your problems, or you can man up, speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you wanna work there. Four simple steps, Champ! It's time to get real."

>>38951119
u arent doing it right we are robots

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u just need to b yourself and give a firm handshake champbruh...

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>>38951009
"Those online applications and questionnaires may seem convenient, but nothing guarantees getting hired like showing up, speaking with the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you're the right man for the job. I'll drive you around town so you can try it for yourself, and we won't turn back until someone hires you on the spot. When you get the job, you'll be able to do all those things you always wanted to do, like saving for a rainy day."

>champposting
>2019
When will summer end?

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Oh...
*shakes your hand*
I'm sorry.

>>38951754
Sorry for what? Our daddy taught us not to be ashamed of our handshakes, specially since they're such good form and all.

>>38951849
"Yeah, I see that. Daddy gave you good advice on how to give a firm handshake."

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>>38951754
>>38951849
>>38951901
and now I need to find my sides.

>>38951901
My handshakes get firmer when I pull on them.

>>38952049
Sometimes I pull on my handshakes so hard, I get calluses on my palms...

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>>38951001
"Excuses are for quitters, Champ! And I didn't raise you to be a quitter. Now I'm driving you to several places to apply, and we're not turning around until you get hired right there and then. It's as simple as showing up, giving the manager a firm handshake, and telling him you're the right man for the job. I raised a son, not a whining woman."

>>38951025
"Exactly, Champ. We can always try somewhere else. What've you got to lose?"

>>38952137
"Well, my daddy taught me a few things, too. Like, how *not* to get callouses by rubbing each other's cocks together, instead of using your hands."

>>38952413
but dad!
i have asperger's syndrome and social anxiety!

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>>38952505
"Ah, ah, ah. Every journey begins with a single step, Champ -- and that's the one you'll take when you walk in there and ask to speak with the manager. Look him in the eye, stand up straight, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you wanna work there. It can't get any simpler than that, Champ."

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>Teleports behind you.
>Shakes your hand.
Heh, nothing personal, Champ.

>>38949313
I remember when ordering food was hard for me now it's totally normal if not slightly uncomfortable.

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>>38952765
"Great, Champ. Now put it to good use getting us two Grilled Chicken Sandwiches, two Sweet Teas, and eight packets of Chick-Fil-A sauce. Skip the tendies, Champ; that's a one-way ticket to cholesterol city on the fried food express. While at you're at it, you might as well ask to speak with the manager. Look him in the eye, stand up straight, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you wanna work there."

>>38949313
FUCK OFF DAD I DONT WANNA WORK

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>>38952885
"It doesn't matter whether you want to work or not; what matters is that I'm driving you around town to look for a job, and we're not turning back until someone hires you on the spot."

Threads are good but you need to work on tailoring your responses, they often come off as a bit too sameish and impersonal.

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>>38952903
Remind me of this
original comment 4u

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>>38950722
>>38950853

Told you it'd work, Champ. See? Nothing that a little persistence and a lotta firm handshake can't solve!

>>38953003
I'm going to fucking banepost IRL from now on

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"I don't know about you, Champ, but I'm in need of my morning pick-me-up. Here, grab us some coffees. Grande, black, one sugar on mine. Decaf for you, Champ; caffeine's bad for the heart."

"And while you're up there, you might as well as if they're hiring. Whatdy'a mean 'working here is beneath you' and your 'juanaytis' might see you?' I didn't raise my little Champ to be a quitter. All you need to do is walk up to the counter, speak with the manager, and shake his hand like the Champ I raised you to be. Nothing says 'I wanna work here' like the handshake, Champ."

>>38953652
Dad he's telling me that I can't speak to him until he finishes his coffee. He won't even let go of his mug to shake my hand.

I'm at a loss here dad. Please help.

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>>38953671
"Sorry, Champ. You know how I can get when I haven't had my coffee, either."

*SLURRRRRRRPPPPPPP*

>>38953691
s-sorry dad i'll be quiet. p-please don't beat me

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>>38953671
>>38953708

"Champ, just because I'm savoring my coffee doesn't mean that you can just sit there. Go up to that nice manager, give him a firm handshake, reiterate your interest in working for him, and speak with him until he gives you the job. Remember what I said about persistence paying off and that I didn't raise a quitter."

Dad I spoke to the manager and I got the job, I can start tomorrow, shall we go get a beer with the lads now?

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>>38954228
Go and get 'em, Slugger. While you're out there, you might want to see if you can find a nice girl to settle down with. Settling down and having kids is important because it makes you responsible and more mature. It also ensures that the genes pass on and that you'll have someone to take care of you when you're old."

"But I digress. Meeting a nice girl is as simple as speaking with her, looking her in the eyes, giving her a firm handshake, and inviting her out to dinner. How hard could it be, Slugger?"

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>>38953828
Sssshhhhhh, dad, please. I'll go find a job but only after I've finished my coffee.

I wish I had a dad like that. My dad is a useless piece of shit that can't even order food by himself.
Here's how a quick trip to McDonald's would go
>me and brother in the back seat
>father is driving
>mother is on the passenger seat
>dad drives to the drive-thru order point
>rolls down the window
>he sits back, and my mom leans over
>she starts yelling the order
My dad is a fucking pussy and I blame him for my autistic personality.

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>>38954285
ANON YOU HAVE BEEN SIPPING THAT COFFEE ALL MORNING, IT IS NOT OK ANYMORE. IT IS NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOR. YOU'RE FINISHING THAT CUP AND GETTING A JOB IF I HAVE TO DRIVE YOU AROUND TOWN TO LOOK FOR ONE, AND WE'RE NOT STOPPING UNTIL SOMEONE HIRES YOU ON THE SPOT. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?

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>>38954332
I hear you mom, you're right, all that coffein isn't good for me anyway. Just wait until I've finished my beer, then we can go.

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"Champ, infiltrating the White House and secretly ruling the country at the behest of George Soros is as easy as speaking with Donald Trump, giving him a firm handshake, and marrying his daughter. Can't get any simpler than that, Champ."

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"Wow! Billy, did you see the legs on that dame? And I saw her looking at you, Billy. When a girl looks at you like that, it usually means something. Whatdy'a mean she was disgusted? Billy, it's simply a matter of crawling out of that thick shell of yours, speaking with that girl, giving her a firm handshake, and inviting her out to dinner. How hard could that be?"

>>38951200
>Now you can either sit there and blame others for your problems or you can man up, speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you wanna work there.

I'd much rather sit here and blame others for my problems. Thanks for understanding.

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*sips as you awkwardly stand in the doorway with resume in hand*

>>38954948
Don't you remember what happened last time, dad? Do you really want to travel two states over with a corpse in the trunk so we can find a nice secluded lake to dump another young girl in? Is that what you want?

>>38949313

Just apply for Amazon. They'll take anyone.

>>38949313
>large Sweet Tea

Also southern faggots need to stop drinking that trash.

Drink tea naked or sun tea. Not sugar water that is tea flavored

I love those threads so much.

>>38950960
>>38950943
>>38950871
>>38950307
>>38949313
>>38951046
>>38951200
Damn straight dad

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Jobless young applicant goes into place of business and gives manager a limp handshake -- UNEMPLOYMENT! Many such cases!

>>38954272
Dad, I did what you said and it worked! How do I go about having.. uh.. sex?...

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You just need to be more confident, r9kbro anon.

Hey dad, I've got big news! I got a job today, at the airport. It's not glamorous, but it pays pretty well so I don't mind. I'm sorry dad, you were right. I guess a firm handshake is all it really takes. Thanks dad, you're the best.

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>>38956156
"You can cross that bridge when you've found a nice girl to settle down with, Champ. To do that, all you need to do is stand up straight, look her in the eye, give her a firm handshake, and invite her out to dinner. Who knows? She might be that lucky gal with whom you'll raise a family, and raising a family is important because it gives you responsibility, maturity, and a sense of accomplishment. That, and you'll have people to take care of you when you get old."

>>38950307
I wish I had a dad like you IRL that cared this much a bout me but damn it mature 4chan r9k dad I'll do it for so I'm a loser work = money which equals financial freedom allowing me to buy things and get me my ass out the door especially out of a place I can't stand I think there are a few chick fil as and other food establishments around here maybe I'll try a few place I need this dad after I'll work on finding a girl and start pumping out the grand kids just like you + mom want hopefully this'll make me life complete

>>38956382
Then get a fucking job you git.

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>>38956340
>>38956382

Attaboy, Champs.

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*sssssssip*

you have to apply online, don't you see we're busy working here?

come on, man, get with the times

*ssssslllluuuuurrrrp*

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>>38956340
Sorry champ, but you are gonna need to quit that job. I have cancer and need you to look after me. I would ask your brother or sister but they both have good, high paying jobs and friends that care for them whereas you, well, don't.
So, I want you to march down to your manager, look him straight in the eye, shake his hand and say I'm sorry mr goldberg but I quit.

>>38956373
When I do it do I look her in the eye, shake her hand, and they ask if she wants to have sex?

>>38956490
who said anything about asking? Women like it when you take control. walk up to her, shake her hand, say I am going to marry you and have 10 children with you and if she objects, pick her up and take her back to you basement.

>>38956562
Muslim dad pls

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I wonder if the guy is aware of how his stock photo is being used, and if so how he feels about it.

>>38956594
Probably feels like a champ, champ

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>>38956568
**allahu akbar externally**

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No charge for them. They were trying to fill your vacancy. They are friends of the mercenary -- the firm handshaker.

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"You may think you're saving time by completing all those fancy applications and questionnaires, but nothing gets the manager's attention quite like speaking with him face-to-face and shaking his hand like a man ought to, partner. Yippie-ki-yo-ki-yay!"

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>>38949313
>but dad i got a job 5 years ago you are just going crazy because mom died and you quit working ive been providing for us for 5 years please snap out of it

>>38955350
Sweet tea is tea, with sugar. There's also unsweet tea, which is just tea. I don't know what y'all yanks are on about

>tfw no supportive father who believes in you and wants you to excel so you look up to shitposts on a south-malaysian BBS dedicated to foreign automobiles & scooters

>walk inside
>Shake manager's hand
>Look him dead in the eye
>Hand him my resume
>"We hire with our online application"

I NEVER NEEDED TO GET OFF MY ASS DAD

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>>38957472
"Online applications and excuses, powerful agents to the those who cannot give a firm handshake. But you do know how to give a firm handshake, Champ, and that's what you're gonna give the manager of the second stop on our list."

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REMOVE UNEMPLOYMENT FROM HOUSEHOLD

>>38953545
I mean platitude-y but not wrong when applying for a minwage job tbhdesu

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>>38956373
>Mfw standing up straight and firm handshaked into wife kids 6 figure income and mortgaged house with 2 car garage

>>38949313
call me champ one more time and ill boil you alive you faggot nigger!

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Can someone do a Joseph Joestar edit?

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>>38958018
Not bad, Champ. Not bad at all.

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"You'll never get to the higher branch if you don't reach for it, Champ. You need to crawl out of the shell of yours and take the first step. And that's exactly what you'll do when you show up there and ask to speak with the manager."

"Look him in the eye, stand up straight, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you wanna work there. It can't get any simpler than that, Champ."

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>>38958039
"You understand, Champ, you're not as smart as your Pop, which brings me to my next point: I allow you to live under my roof and I support you with my own money, some of which you steal -- I ignore -- and the fact you've been sitting there doing nothing for the last five years I've tolerated, Champ. What I will not tolerate is this behavior persisting. No job, no food, no roof. You understand me, Champ?"

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>>38952469
"Will you handshake me?"

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Yuwanna work here, ese? Ask me again after I've finished my coffee and horchata.

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>>38957472
ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS SPEAK WITH THE MANAGER AND SHAKE HIS DAMN HAND LIKE YOU MEANT IT, CHAMP

>>38958793
"I'd be right happy to..."
*shakes hand firmly*

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DAD HOLY FUCK THE MANAGER IS TAKEN AS HOSTAGE WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO I CANT SHAKE HIS HAND DAD HELP

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>>38961659
*mercilessly guns down criminal, points gun at you*
"Dead or alive, I'm driving you around town to look for a job. Your move, Champ."

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"Turn that frown upside down, Champ. It's gonna be an adjustment, but I think you're gonna be just fine out there in Guangzhou. You'll meet a lot of new people and learn to live a normal life again. Remember to greet you grandparents with a firm handshake and a formal bow when you get there. You can ask them to buy you a new computer when you get settled."

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You know very well I am not going to do any of that, father. I'm just going to sit here and sip my strawberry tea. Nothing you do will ever make me budge.

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I know this meme is from a porn but what is the meaning behind it

I recent!y got a job at a nice Asian restaurant... This thread is breaking the ice

>>38962787
absolutely top-class post
whatever happened to that kid, anyway

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>>38963127
You can't post on 4chan from China
Something to do with Captcha being blocked

>>38953003
>>38953612
I had a dream once, where I could somehow only speak in Baneposts for some reason. It ended up a lot like that "Omelette du Fromage" of Dexter's Lab and it somehow managed to work in every situation.

>>38949313
No dad. I'm sleeping all day because I work nights

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>>38963179
"Sleep is for the weak, Champ. And you're getting too much of it seeing that your job doesn't nearly give you enough hours. It's time you worked something during the day. I'm driving you around town to look for a second job, and I won't take no for an answer. Getting one is as easy as the first: Speak with the manager, shake his hand like the Champ I raised you to be, and tell him you're the right man for the job."

"Turn that frown upside down, Champ. It's time you learned the value of a hard week's work."

>tfw u will never have a positive role model father figure
>tfw u had to learn how to land jobs knowing practically none of the management by years of trial and error
>tfw had to become normie to cultivate rape enough soil from which to yield jobs
>tfw never had dad gift you monies in an attempt to teach you how to be a functional member of society

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"Hey, Champ. I just noticed that there several places in town that we missed and -- Oh, hey! Is that your 'Juanaytis' that you keep talking about, Champ?! When are you going to invite her out to dinner? Heck, I could bring your mother along and we could make it a double date. Remember what I told you, Champ: It's all in the eye contact and the firm handshake."