late night thoughts & feels

Hey op. I dont know if youre still there but i feel kinda down thinking of how fast time has gone and i havent done anything. When i imagine the life ive always wanted i break down and just feel terrible.
If youre asleep then goodnight and sweet dreams. Hopefully tomorrow will be better, and that you're doing well.

>talking to girl
>suddenly she says "I just got really depressed so good bye"
>don't respond

Does anyone else not have a dream or an idea of what they want?
I fail at even imagining a good version of life. It just frustrates me.

>tfw want to message my 'friend' on discord but he doesn't seem to be too into our conversations and don't want to make him feel bad by continuing to force it

Why am I incapable of making friends. Also I know that feel as well anon, maybe you can try taking some melatonin to help you sleep at night so you don't have to put yourself through that

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I have hemorrhoids again and fuck it gets old. If I let my diet slip a week or something then my ass hurts because I do a lot of sitting

Is surgery an option?

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>>38928592

>iktfb

I feel like I can't move forward without having at least some kind of an end goal in mind.

But I have no idea about the basic things I want out of life

>>38928858
Exactly!

It makes me so sad and frustrated that I don't know what I want. People always ask others "What do you want to do?"
"What is you dream?"
I don't know, I don't enjoy anything to the point I would say it was my dream to do it all the time or get better at it.

I'm just aimless.

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>>38928926

Exactly. And I feel as though I've always been aimless. Like at 8 I had no idea, but everyone said you had time so you didn't worry about it.

Then the milestones of graduation start to creep up and you don't make any moves. Paying for college is to much of a final decision and you haven't decided yet.

Soon, you'll have some epiphany and you'll know. You'll know which direction to take your first step. But the soon never comes. And the 'soon' turns into years. Before you know it, everything has moved on without you.

Still I always knew it would turn out this way

>>38929149
Yeah, people told me "Don't you want to do to University?" but even if I got accepted I have no idea what I would study.
You have to know 100% you enjoy a subject because Uni is hard, if you don't enjoy it you will just fail.

So I've just been unemployed for about 2 years. Waiting for something to happen.

Every time I think about what I'm going to do my chest tightens up and I can't breath. So I just live from week to week...

>>38928001
>Will probably never see her again
>Just wanna say bye
>I haven't felt anything for anyone like that in my life
>She probably never felt an ounce of any of that
>I still have autistic scenarios in my head where I talk to her and everything works out like it used to
It's been 3 years and every other night is like this. What the fuck.

>>38928926
I just wanna be loved. That's really my only goal in life. Everything else is just means to that end, and unfortunately these means are a long ways off.

>26yo
>i didn't do shit the whole year, can't even find a job
>year is already ending
>oh well... maybe next year
>cry

>>38929390
I love you, anon. In such a way that my saying so is completely original.

>>38929581
was going to post pretty much the same shit. Same age too.

>25 in two weeks
>unemployed for two years now
>no friends, not doing anything
>oh well... maybe next year
>distract myself with anime and vidya

I'm just tired. I wish life would play out faster than it has.

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>know what i want to do and what it's going to take to get there
>it's completely obtainable, just an after thought nobody cares about for everybody else
>can't even muster the energy to try
>too scared to even coexist in other people's lives
>too scared to even effect others in any way or have them effect me
>slowly rotting away day after day and not much time will be left to assimilate
>falling into the same cycles unable to get out
>just want to be happy and to feel those feelings that are just within my reach
>yet they're so far away and impossible
>everyone is so far away
>one day they're going to be completely gone
>i will have nothing left but regrets for something that should have been so simple
>WHY DIDN'T YOU FUCKING TRY?!
>WHY DIDN'T YOU LIVE?!
>you could be happy
>can't even understand why i cared at all
>realize i wouldn't actually be happy, just even more depressed once i realized there was nothing but more emptiness
>just didn't want to be alone
>drink until i pass out

>>38928634
anon, as someone who gets texted on by people he doesn't like: text him, if he responds he likes you. repeat until one of you doesn't answer

>>38930281
life doesnt play out anything if you dont act anon. you have to do something. you have to keep moving and get inertia.

>>38929332
anon, are you originally me?

this comment should by now be original

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>tfw always believed in the "things will get better" meme
>suddenly I'm 27