invisible man

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Being a background character. Someone to pass over. Never really of any importance sometimes an annoyance or just some tag along in the daily doldrums of others.
Sometime's it's a heaven and other times its an abstract kind of hell.

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There is no way i'm mentally healthy, i don't believe it's possible to live so long without even connecting or relating to others.
I learned to fake the feelings i don't have, i do it pretty well, and that will be the end of me.

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I'm going to get diagnosed as a schizoid so this maybe be different from other interpretations

But I have no qualms with being lonely, in fact, I find it as a comforting blanket of calm and meditating thoughts. I never really open up my mouth (don't know how I have friends but people told me its my 'eccentric' personality) and I find the long solitudinous silence of my mouth shut and emitting a soundless whisper; makes my body feel an aurora of ecstasy.

Every-time I see someone dealing with loneliness on this board or in real life. They struggle with the pessimistic thought of it being integral to the human condition. I can see how it can damage people because they don't accept it; we're social creatures. Yet, I often feel like a defect from the orthodoxy because I find comfort, imbibed in loneliness while others are petrified by the thoughts of their own lonesome thinking.

heres a cute girl to help with the pessimism

>>38863050
This, all their thoughts about their feelings of loneliness just left me with self doubt until I found out what a schizoid is, and how it relates to me.

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>>38863102
I honestly thought I was the weird one (I've been treated as the silent but weird one for most of my life) so this thought of crippling loneliness was unusual to me; like I wasn't experiencing true loneliness, but instead, a muffled solitude.

I didn't realize I had symptoms of a schizoid until I read the DSM-5 in prep for medschool. It's kindly relieving to know that someone is similar to me and I'm actually not the weird one.

fun fact: My oneitis showed symptoms of schizoid disorder as well. I only found out that she liked me from a long deleted text confession when I left the state for university.

fuck me

>>38862153
>>38862153
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2l-ufU_QTE
[spoilers]are you gonna play it's your move[/spoilers]