Vent Vent

At least we know anon.

We all don't care and yet all we're looking for is someone who does care.
I'm here if you want to rant. Just to let off some steam. Doesn't have to be comprehensible, I won't judge you. I've got enough dirt on my plate to know I can't cast any first stone. I can sit here, and listen, and I can't promise I'll do anything and nothing will get better, but at least your story will be heard and someone will care.

>>38841255

oh anon, my sweet little anon... you still cry and have depression? then you dont even come close to the bottom... there will be a day you just dont feel anything anymore being an complete NPC.

>>38841298
I don't think people here know. I now know what severe depression is, I'm mildly bullimic and I'm addicted to finding a vice to escape for own mind
I've been abusing cough syrup/dxm lately and not sure if it's a comedown or what that is fucking my mind but it's been a few days since I used any way.
But I moved cross country with my family almost a year ago and last week for the first time since moving I went out socially. Was actually a tinder hookup with some stoner chick where we just hung out at a park and smoked weed

I haven't smoked all year because I'm NEET and have no money, I just stay in my room and steal alchohol from my parents or use dollar store cough meds.

I'm a virgin as well and I'd only been talking to this girl since the morning of the day we hooked up

But we just talked for an hour until I bluntly asked if she wanted to fuck around, I tried to bullshit my way into saying I wasn't a virgin and even though I was a little high, It was the first time I ever kissed a girl when not drunk (I am 19, almost fucked a girl while drunk on my 18th birthday but she thought I was a player and stopped me before I put dick in, few months later I was almost raped by the town slut while I was drunk at noon at a friends house but my dick was soft)

But basically I just hang out and finger/ kiss with this chick and she's pretty cool.
My dick went soft when it came time to fuck though because we honestly made out way too long

It was a great night though, we talked, kissed, I played with her entire body, made her orgasm, got to be rough with her a bit.kissed her goodbye but then she ghosted me

It sounds pathetic but it doesn't hurt because I miss her or anything, she was cool but she's just some cute hoe who was ready to fuck me after one day of texting. It hurts because I feel she ghosted me because of something I did and I don't know and it really hurts because I was so happy for a few hours after so long of loneliness and now I'm back in my hole

>>38841512

get off this bord normie REEEEEEEE

>>38841512
I want back out of this hole, I don't care about her, I just want to be with some one again, I want a male friend, I want a girl friend or just more hookups, I am so fucking empty, I am so tired of these brief glimpses of happiness just to be fucking destroyed.
I want some one to care like I do, I'm not heartless, I care too much about others, I care too much, I just want that feeling back. I want some one to hold me, I don't want to feel nothing any more. I want to enjoy things again.

I've lived my whole life alone, as an outsider without friends, As an overweight fat fuck who nobody liked, spent my birthdays alone, dropped out of public HS, Got shit grades.

I'm still so young and this birthday I felt nothing, I didn't get any gifts from my parents, or any happy birthday wishes. I don't have any social media
I'm an outsider ghost, I don't even exist, I never have and never will. My only solace in life is that I am at least average looking after losing weight but my hate and anxiety for the disgusted looks I used to get has turned into anxiety and paranoia about people thinking I'm attractive or talking to me. I can't handle it, I'm a shut in NEET, I don't belong anywhere, I never even got along with the losers

>>38841623
I feel severely mentally fucked, I am such a slave to it and every day it gets worse

>>38841623
I feel you OP. Really, I do. You wanna know what I did for my birthday this year? I begged a female "sorta kinda friend" to text me just to chat and ultimately she never did, took myself out to eat at a nice restaurant, felt like a fat fuck so I puked it up in the toilet at home, and just sat on the edge of my bath tub crying like a mad man. Didn't sleep for a few days after that.

I know your pain anon. I really do, and I want you to know that there's an anonymous stranger on the internet that sympathises with you and wishes he could say everything will be better. I wish things could be better for the both of us.
I've got my own sob story, but as I said I'm just here to listen. No homo, I love you anon. I want you to feel loved. Take this like something brotherly, or however you want to interpret it. I love you so much anon and I just want you to not be so empty. I don't know who you are, or what you look like. But I care. Even if I may never talk to you again.

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>>38841799
I don't care how you take it, I love you too anon, I want to hear what is wrong with you. I want to hear your thoughts and feelings.
Thank you a lot for your kind words, I definitely understand you. I wish nobody would have to suffer like any of us do

>>38841486
>there will be a day you just dont feel anything anymore being an complete NPC.
how is feeling nothing bad?
seems great to not suffer!

>>38841842
I feel like I've told my story here so many times and this whole board is just the same dozen dudes about the time I lurk, so if I sound familiar to you, just give me a heads up.

Essentially I pushed two teenage girls to commit suicide when I was their age, and one of them was my gf at the time. It haunts me. It isn't something I'm proud of. I built up relationships with them to the point where they relied solely on me for emotional support, and then got too tired and gave in just told them they were worthless and I hated them. One committed suicide seriously the next day, the other, my gf, I lost contact with for a good couple weeks and answered a phone call from a friend telling me she hung herself.
It's been years since, but it seriously keeps me up at night. I am a murderer. I just want to go back and undo it. I wish I told her I loved her every day and never let go. But I fucked up, and there's no undoing what has been done. I want to die because of it, but ultimately I talk myself out of suicide just about every other day (honestly more like at least once a day).

That's me. The murderer anon. That's all I am.

>>38841954
go to jail originally

>>38841982
And if it wasn't for situational irony. I've confessed before for it. I was just told, "It wasn't your fault, stop blaming yourself, it was their decision, etc."

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>>38841954
Never heard this I don't think.
I understand anon, I won't comment on what happened too much because I can't say anything to change what happened or change how you feel but I do feel that at least you can pinpoint exactly why you feel exactly how you feel, You can spend the rest of your life crying or you can spend your life repenting and being a better person from it.

You obviously have the ability to influence some one to take their own life so the inverse of that is having the ability to severely positively affect some one's life. I don't know, I can't relate to that specifically, I can't even influence my own actions and emotions most of the time, I'm a slave but you're different anon

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I've been on autopilot for the last two years without any kind of incident. My life was absolutely sterile and free of any kind of any stimulation, just rinse and repeat the same 4 different scenarioes, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Recently, I've had some shit happen to me, and because of it, I've had to go to court. And when I was coming back home today I just felt an uncontrollable rage. I felt like I was being choked by a shadow or some kind of spirit, and all this anger that I was feeling was because I felt like I had no control over my life. I know it's sounds like a fucking joke but I'd rather live life as a plant than a life with any kind of problems. The anger kept welling up as I contemplated everything I hated and everything that hated me just as much. I was at the point where I was holding the steering wheel in a vice grip and wanted desperately to drive off the side of the bridge I was on. But I didn't. And it shows to me how weak willed I truly am and just makes me even more angry. I wish I didn't have the brain and emotions of a child. I wish I was completely soulless. I wish I was a robot.

>>38841954
Are you still there? I love you anon, Don't leave me, It's 3 AM
I just was trying to force a convo with a 17 year old I met on tinder and she ended up blocking me lmao.
Not too hurt because she was really lame but It feels like a marker as how fucked up I am

Any one else out there plox?
It's 4am. I'm tranquil trying not to break down

>>38843262
actually, its 1 pm friendo

>>38843262
I'm here, waiting for my (You)'s.

>>38843326
What post? I'll give you some senpai

>19 year old kids cry about how sad their life is
>you are 27 and they can't even imagine how much of an empty shell of a person you can become

You are a little prick and don't know shit, I would spap you up for good. Get your shit together while you are ACTUALLY young. Or wait till you are old enough to have a real existential crysis and see if you kill yourself or not. It's your life anyway nobody will give a fuck how you waste it.

>>38843357
I'm the very mad poster >>38842290

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>>38841623
Dont worry frendo,it will be all good. First of all if You want someone to take care of You, You nees to take care of yourself first. Second don't abuse drugs and alcohol, its only makes a depression worse, alcohol when overused is depressant and caming back to realty after drugs is pretty hard. Drink only to socialize and be careful to not overuse.

>>38841954
It's the harder one, but I think it's not entirely Your fault. They had to have a mental problem's if they committed suicide, if it was too hard to You to keep them feel safe it is ok, we don't want triple scuicide right? I conclude You all were underage so it's more like job for parents, closest family to keep their kids in good shape so its more like their fault, and you was probably not mature enough to help them long term.

I hope i helped You at least just a little bit anon. Keep me imformated, we are with you.

>>38842290
what kinda realistic change are you working towards?

>>38842290
Sometimes the sadness becomes anger, I was living live that
>on autopilot
For about 3-5 years (hard to say when it's starting and when it's ending exactly). You need to set some goals and try your hardest to achive it. Its already hard to set those goals and its hard to achieve them. You will fall many times, but you need to get up to make progress. Also its helpful to go to the doctor, those drugs really helps IF you are trying to make something, pretty useless if you gave up.

>>38843547
I just want to find something I'm passionate about. Honestly thinking about charity work or something because I like helping people sometimes.
>>38843663
Thank you. I dont think I'm ready for a doctor yet tho.

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nobody in the world cares about me and any friend i ever think i have leaves me
i'm just a pest and there's nothing good about me, everyone has decided that
i dindu nuffin wrong

>>38844160
I care about you anon
We are all pests in this nest called Earth

>>38843366
might get me banned but 16 here and feeling horrible every day for last 2 years. does it ever get better? my grades are good and i've had one girlfriend but nothing makes me feel good. im sad all the time and losing friends

>>38845207
go to therapy u underage cuck
the younger you are, the more hope there is

>>38845207
Kill yourself underage homo faggot
No, it doesn't get better for us, you don't belong

>>38845207

I have been on this site for so many years I can't even count and I can tell you that "feeling sad" can be real chemical inballance in your brain so you REALLY need professional medical help or it can be simply you underachieving and just not working hard enough.
Don't let Anonym people online diagnose you, it's impossible to tell without proper check ups. On the other hand I gladly listen to you, I picked up psychology years ago got a deeper understanding of mental health and for me I'm 99% sure I have some mental problems yet even this is possible to lessen with basic things like diet or excersize becasue it's not that severe.

>>38845680

Do you think you are smarter with your +3 years kid?

>>38845718
Yeah actually, I am. :)

>>38845762
holy shit you are insufferable

>>38845762

You will realise how you don't know shit just I like I (and everybody else with minimal intellect) realise from year to year getting older. Pray that you reach that point around 25 when you grow up mentally and can understand other people just as much as yourself. Because at this point you are nothing more then a whiny kid.
So at 19 don't bitch about "being sad" reather try to improve or you will develope behavioral problems that will stick with you for a long time if not forever.

>>38845831
Not reading any of this bullshit. Jack yourself off over your age elsewhere. I am over 18, he is not.
There is always some body older you fucking mong

some dumfuck here clearly didnt mature with the years
check out wizardchan, young padawan
maybe it will be shock therapy

>>38845866

>reading comprehension

I said exactly that. One day you will understand, it has nothing to do with intellect you stupid little fuck. Rergardless I honestly hope neither of you grow up to be a bitching sad cunt not even trying.

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>>38841255
>tfw depression came back 2 days ago
>haven't ate anything since then
>i'm regretting shit I normally didn't care about
>tfw no gf to embrace

>>38847271
>hungry but no appetite
just fucking end me pls