lads? >I am stuck in an infantile mindset where it is shameful

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bump this must be relevant to r9k

>>38803965
I think you shouldn't focus on why do you think things are like that, but rather, focus on why exactly are those things true in your opinion. Are you really not worth it? Why? I'm pretty sure you don't even have a reason to believe you're not worthy of anyone's love, but you think it's simply logical. If I'm wrong, and you do have reasons to believe that you really don't deserve being loved by someone else, then try to understand why exactly is this happening, and be as objective as possible, because some times (most of the time, actually), those reasons are not influential whatsoever, and are just excuses to hate yourself. Don't hate yourself, if you do.
If me being wrong is the situation, then what makes you so undeserving of love?

>>38804731
these are posts i quoted from /lit/, each by a different poster. but the overall sentiment seemed relevant to r9k

>>38803965
>>38804764
Yeah, I can relate. My mom used to be very uncomfortable with her little boy being attracted to girls when I hit puberty, and would scold me whenever any hint of me being interested in a girl or having a crush would come up. It made me turn out like the comments here. The only antidote is forcing yourself to socialize with women and fuck it up and get better, along with self improvement. Basically take Jordan Peterson's advice.

>>38803965
>all me

How do I understand that someone can actually be physically attracted to me?

>>38805013
They probably can't lmao. ugly people exist, it can't all be just self-destructive thinking

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>>38805035
Fuck you're probably right.

How do I accept being ugly while using my personality to still be a functioning member of society?

>>38803965
I was like this and had the same exprience with parents making a huge fucking deal out of it, ignoring my shyness. It took quite a lot of time and effort to get over it, but now I have a gf and I'm really open with her, so keep trying

>>38803965
i can relate to this but honestly a girl hasn't shown interest in me in quite a while besides online and they just end up ghosting me anyway.

>>38803965

> not show interest in any girl even if they show interest in me and I am actually interested

This i will NEVER understand.

You have nooo fucking idea how good you have it. Bitch i fucking WISH girls would "show interest in me". Im essensially the opposite, i look for clues where there are none in a desperate attempt to detect "interest" from a chick.

>>38806215
for the first time in my life last year a girl was showing interest in me (i think?) and even though i liked her i felt a repulsion at the whole situation. i made myself very cold to her and stopped talking to her. looking back i feel like i regret it but i know if she were here right now i would have no desire to make a move.

>>38806308
>i felt a repulsion at the whole situation. i made myself very cold to her and stopped talking to her

FUCKING WHAT?! Honestly though, i really just cannot comprehend why you people do that. For me that would be like winning the lottery, only luckier.

>>38806416
I also get this way with male friendships. If I think they like me too much or that they are becoming comfortable around me I feel sick of them and stop associating with them. I don't know why. I want friends, but it's as if I cannot move on from my highschool friends who I don't see anymore. anyone else feels like a false friend in comparison.

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>>38803965
Are you me? I am a 19 year old virgin because of this shit.
When I was growing up I would be teased by my family for even looking at a girl, let alone speaking to one. If I went to a friends house and a girl even so much as spoke to me, my mom would go "Ohhhh do you fancy her?" just to embarrass me.

Because of this imprinting or whatever I feel ashamed to show sexual interest in a girl, and even reject girls who come onto me. I am afraid being teased or ridiculed.

>>38806498
Dude, I thought I was the only one. I like don't let anyone get too close to me. I keep up this barrier and I won't let people get past it. I can't fathom opening myself up to someone, which is necessary in a relationship. I am not sure if I am afraid of being hurt or I am afraid of hurting them, or if I am afraid that once they find something out about me, they will not want to be with me anymore, so I end it before it even begins.

I have had girls ask me to meet up and I come up with some excuse that I am busy or I can't make it. It's like I feel I don't deserve it or I don't deserve their company.

It's like I have been conditioned from years of bullying or shit that I am worthless and that I shouldn't even bother. I think I need to see a shrink or some shit.

>>38806498
Right, well that makes about 100% more sense than what you said about girls. It's a separate issue all togheter, I even kinda understand what you mean.

>>38806591
I relate to this. I think I have also unconsciously created a second self that I introduce myself to strangers with. It's not a complete lie, but it's not me. It's a stronger and more confident version of myself I cannot maintain.

If I meet someone under this guise I become deeply afraid of them finding out the truth and not liking me for it.

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>>38806670
Exactly, I think I should try and go to CBT or something because this shit is like rooted in my psyche. People here think "Oh, if you are average looking and can speak to people, you have succeeded in life and can do anything you want" but they don't understand the underlying psychological issues.

Girls have said I am "cute" and I even had a girl ask me to go to prom with her, but I said no because I felt like I didn't deserve it, or that she was playing some trick on me. Also, I went out on Saturday to a bar, started chatting to a girl who was interested in me but as soon as things started getting to the point of being intimate, I made some excuse and left.

Pic related, took some test and this is what I got, shit sucks.

>>38806817
please link the test

Never thought much about it but the same thing happens to me. I just attributed it to me being fat an undesirable so expressing interest in girls was ridiculous. Now I'm not fat and go to the gym regularly but I have no car, job or anything that would make me a functioning adult so the reasoning is the same, that I don't deserve it I guess.

I just want to cum on a qt girl's glasses desu

>>38806905
Here you go
http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv

origigigig

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>>38806974
The Yes/No nature of this quiz kind of skews things I think, but it doesn't look good anyhow lmao

>>38807166
Yeah it is a bit overkill I think, but can give a good outline, just take it with a grain of salt. Still, unless I change my way of thinking I will continue being a jaded and sad retard.

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bump ? this has been a good thread

I have the exact same problem OP, its called being love shy. Its crazy like I don't even fear rejection from girls, I fear them knowing that I am attracted to them and having other people know that.

Does anyone know a good way to overcome this? Any good reading/videos out there?

Bump for the most relatable thread

>>38804764
it's incredibly relevant

I have a theory that the more relevant and spot on something is regarding this type of person the less attention it will get here

This is caused by childhood emotional neglect. Look into avoidance and attachment theory.

>>38805105
Become good at something where looks don't matter.

Science in general is a really rewarding field for uggos like us.

same thing here, it's exactly as Op described

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>>38806974
Fucking what. How accurate is this?

>>38808762
already studying electrical engineering, exercise + lift lots, do other slightly more "obscure" activities like birdwatching. Tbh pretty happy with most of life just having silly ears and nose kinda sucks sometimes

>>38803965
Wow Op, I feel you, you basically outlined one of my major problems quite well, thank you.
Is there a name for it?