>be weird autist my whole life >parents start making me

>>38749904
Well what is it that you want out of life anon? Also posting just so you get some responses because while I don't face the same problems you do, I'm sympathetic to your struggles and want you to feel better.

you achieved what many wouldnt even dream of: a focused lifestyle. Yeah, there will be times where you don't see the point in all this (like now) and those are the times where you should reflect to make sure you dont become a slave to this lifestyle, where you need to make sure that youre instincts aren't false, that there IS a point. So what is your goal OP? why do you work out? why do you spend so much time on studies?

>>38750138
>>38750149
I just don't get any if it anymore anons. When I started working out my motivation was to get women. But now that I see how futile it is to go after women I only work out because it's in my routine and if I stop for a few days I start feeling like shit. I only work hard on my studies because it makes me feel productive but the truth is I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I used to watch tons of anime and play hours of games as a form of escapism but I don't even do that anymore because I just don't see a point. The only people I can really, truly connect with is the anons on r9k and that makes me want to cry. Why can't I connect with my parents better, or the people I know in real life? Why do I feel SO alone and isolated? Like I'm trapped in not just a society, but a universe that doesn't make any sense to me. Nothing matters. At this point I just go through my every day life to kill time.

>>38749904
Same thing pretty much happened to me except I never was a "weird autist" like you were

>>38749904
im in the same boat, except working out part. it'd be total zyzz mode if my parents stopped buying junkfood for me

>>38750262
if it makes you feel any better i am in your exact same situation except i got a gf i want to break up with (nothing is wrong with her shes perfect) but i feel like i can do better because shes had 5 dicks in her before.

Also when i graduated college i ended up going in something i dont liek (comp sci) so i was tempted to take a apprenticeship but the money is far below what i can get working comp sci.

>>38750262
Welcome to nihilism, please enjoy your stay. If at any point you wish to exit there are two doors available for you. To the left you will find delusion, a tempting choice to many. To the right you will find death, humanity's oldest friend.

>>38750262
The thing is OP you followed someone else's promise and not your own; they promised you that if you work hard on improving yourself you will find your dream woman, but you did not... and your mind is latched onto that promise and it won't let go unless you tell it a promise that is truly worth sweating over, your promise.
What do you mean that it is futile to go after women? If you mean superficial relationships and sex then yeah, but you yourself expressed that you feel lonely, isnt that a contradiction? How is finding the woman that truly understands you, the woman who knows your pain, how is searching for her futile?
The truth is OP most of us don't fit in, thats why we are here. As for my story, well I found people I could fit in with, people who for some reason understood my retarded humor and laughed with me, that was until we graduated highschool and I moved abroad. I always feel embarrassed when they ask me if I made any friends. But it also makes me think, in those moments of synergy, where I felt I had a connection with others, why did I sometimes feel lonely?
I think it was depression, there was that assumption that my pain was unique to me, that it was something that I cant get others to understand and that made me feel alone even though I wasn't. And you aren't alone Anon, there is enough humans on that planet that at this moment there are thousands who feel the same. It is very obvious that this is the time for change, you have to look outside. You don't seem to be enjoying what you are studying so take as many courses outside your major next semester even if that delays your graduation (your inner health and happiness are more important than graduating early). Get outside your current circle as much as you can its clear you arent happy with the people around you, you deserve people who understand you. and most importantly find your promise, the unthinkable that you know will grant you happiness.I wish you the best and the happiest times

>>38750735
Thanks anon. Posts like yours are the reason I come to r9k. Because while there is a lot of immaturity there is also a lot of wisdom to be found.