Congratulations anon! We took a look at your resume and decided

>>38735842
That spacing really hurts my eyes

also mummy tendies ree

I graduated 8 years ago.
Life skills.
Life is too stressful so I holed up in my room for nearly a decade.
Been bullied by Chads since I was born. I am passive let them have their way with me.
I will be your company bitch boy, I won't get uppity when given tasks, or threaten to take anyones job.

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>Tell me a little about yourself. Are you currently going to school?

Dropped out because I could not afford it.

>What are some of your biggest weaknesses?

Don't know when to stop when it comes to making sure whatever task I'm assigned needs to be complete to perfection.

>Give me an example of a time you have had to deal with a stressful situation, and how you got past it

Customer got in my face yelling about his printer issues. I was calm and told him we could work through it together and get it fixed. We got it fixed.

>Tell me a time you had a conflict, and how you overcame it

Had an issue with an employee. Well, they had an issue with me. They didn't like that I was able to lead the group better than they could. They talked to their manager and the manager gave them a talk and I was given a promotion within 6 months.

>And finally, out of all the other candidates in this thread, why should we hire you?

My skills and this company are a perfect match. I believe we can both benefit from each other. I look forward to working for this company if I'm selected.

TFW have these questions memorized

>>38736296
tfw too autistic and lazy to memorize these questions

These are actually the exact questions most big companies would ask in an interview

>>Tell me a little about yourself. Are you currently going to school?
Yeah
>>What are some of your biggest weaknesses?
None, I'm invincible.
>>Give me an example of a time you have had to deal with a stressful situation, and how you got past it
My gf got pregnant once so I tripped her down the stairs.
>>Tell me a time you had a conflict, and how you overcame it
My boss was about to fire me so I quit instead and then fucked his wife.
>>And finally, out of all the other candidates in this thread, why should we hire you?
Cause I identify as a black jewish trans woman.

>>38736460
You're certainly the strongest candidate right now, Tyrone.

>>38736079
>Don't know when to stop when it comes to making sure whatever task I'm assigned needs to be complete to perfection.
Isn't this the worst see through your bullshit answer you can possibly give.

>>38736498
It's all a big load of asskissing bullshit from the corniest corner of corporate normalfag hell, who gives a shit.
>tfw this is actually my biggest weakness, but I would never tell an employer because anyone that's worked with my kind know it takes several times longer to do things with the highest degree of quality than to shit them out for the disgusting unwashed masses of retards we sell to

>Tell me a little about yourself. Are you currently going to school?

I'm fucking 30, I've already been to school.

>What are some of your biggest weaknesses?

Crippling porn addiction

>Give me an example of a time you have had to deal with a stressful situation, and how you got past it

Couldn't find a gf so decided to look at porn instead.

>Tell me a time you had a conflict, and how you overcame it

Sound card wouldn't work, had to change an IRQ.

>And finally, out of all the other candidates in this thread, why should we hire you?

I won't come in to work drunk or do any of the other stupid shit normies do.

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>>38736654
Sounds great, when can you start?

>>38736684
Immediately because I have literally no commitments to anything else whatsoever.

>>38736498
I'm trying to get the job. They know I'm bullshitting too dipshit. Have you never been interviewed?

>>38735842
>Tell me a little about yourself. Are you currently going to school?

No I decided not to go to univeristy because I was anxious of the sudden drastic change.

>What are some of your biggest weaknesses?

Talking to people, life skills

>Give me an example of a time you have had to deal with a stressful situation, and how you got past it

There's lots really but just sheer perseverance has made me fairly resistant

>Tell me a time you had a conflict, and how you overcame it

>And finally, out of all the other candidates in this thread, why should we hire you?

You shouldn't.

>>38737219
Only a few times in person. I'm too lame to get past phone screens. I read other forums and they tell me to never use the simple bullshit like that. It should be more sincere or original or nuanced or some shit. I can never understand what those normies are trying to tell me to do.

>>38736498
It's also the answer they want you to give to them. At least that's what HR people have told me outside of interviews. Basically take something good and word it in a way you make it sound like a flaw. A variation of "I'm too much of a perfeccionist" usually works

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>>38735842
Those questions are easy to answer. The one I'm still trying to figure out, and that I'm sure always fuck me over, is
>I see you haven't worked in [time gap], why was that?
So far I've tried:
1 - I was living abroad
>Oh, very nice. And how did you afford that?
A) Savings/Money from parents
>Oh, so you are prone to work for a while and then dissapear. I see. We'll call you!
B) Working
>Oh, where? Can you provide any way to get in contact with your employers? Oh, I see. We'll call you!

2) I had health issues
>Oh, so you tend to get ill and skip work. I see. We'll call you!

3) I was taking care of an older/ill relative
>Oh, I see. So you put other things before work. I see. We'll call you!

4)I just didn't manage to find a job right after graduating, and after a while the gap was there. All I really need is someone to give me a chance to prove them I'm responsible and willing to be the best employee I can be
>Oh, so you are a useless piece of shit. I see. We'll call you!

>>38738265
I was asked this, and my instant knee jerk lie was to go 'oh, I was writing a novel'! I cringed at how retarded that was, but he was genuinely enthused and asked a lot of questions, which I bullshitted my way through

Lie! lie! lie! lie!
Look up the answers online if you have too I've never told the truth in interviews and have had plenty of jobs aleast two a year since 2011 and was a NEET from 2007-2011

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>Tell me a little about yourself. Are you currently going to school?

I've worked several menial jobs, which have all ended not in my favor. Yes, I am currently in school, pursuing a BSc in Biochemistry. My excellent performance in my college career has placed me in the honors society.

>What are some of your biggest weaknesses?
My biggest weakness is that I don't care about my job or working for you, I am self-serving and I probably will never actually drink the company kool-aid.

>Give me an example of a time you have had to deal with a stressful situation, and how you got past it
I had severe social anxiety for a majority of my life, which had paralyzed me from ever leaving my room. I worked up the courage to enroll in school and find several jobs, which as I mentioned earlier did not ended favorably. I continue to work past these stressful situations every time I wake up.

>Tell me a time you had a conflict, and how you overcame it
This one time a black homeless man asked me for money. I apologized and told him I don't carry cash.

>And finally, out of all the other candidates in this thread, why should we hire you?
I don't know the other candidates, so it is difficult to gauge a comparison to an unknown entity. However, I should be hired because I am intelligent and willing to overcome any challenge that is thrown at me, no matter how difficult.