What's the most pathetic thing you've ever done?
Told a female i loved her even though i know she will never EVER love me back. All she said was ok and now i wan to fucking die.
Dress up in moms clothes + makeup then fap while moaning like a girl
>>38554922
moaning like a girl is the only way to moan. it's real and free.
i let a girl peg me. i had my penis first. i was disappointed that she didn't have hot sauce she cooked me dinner after.
i told a girl that i liked another girl even though she is married, i secretly liked her.
I write shipping fanfiction
Sometimes I go to uni basketball/football games so I can record the cheerleaders performing. I've had classes with girls I've recorded/masturbated to.
For the past four years, I've gone to the movies or taken a nap in my card every weekend and told my mom I was out with friends. I also told I'm dating a Korean girl who was in one of my uni classes.
I like the band Echosmith
I refuse to smoke/drink because my dad became an addict around the time I was born
When I was younger I used to do weird shit to make my friends laugh. More than once I took my pants off and danced around like an idiot because I have a small dick and it made them laugh. I would do anything to make someone like me.
cheated on perfect gf, broke up with her immediately after but too ashamed to tell her exactly why, she came to my apartment the next night crying hard enough that her body was shaking and she said she only ever wanted to be with me, I gave in and we got back together
I accepted sushi from a homeless guy that was given it but didn't want it, it had been in his bare hand. Tasted okay but a little warm
>>38555167
>i had my penis first. i was disappointed that she didn't have hot sauce she cooked me dinner after.
>>38554829
Got high on 1000mg of benzedrex every week on my days off work, for an entire year, jacking off for over 24 hours, without any rest or hydration. It used to get so bad that I would cut into the foreskin of my penis with my fingernails. One day it cut in so far that it exposed the fat on it, I think it was fat, and it left a scar. I've also lost most of the feeling in my dick, it takes hours to get off now. I also find it hard to feel anymore.
>>38554829
Cried and grieved over the death of a character in vidya + anime. Happened twice I think. The games and anime weren't even that amazing so that just makes it more embarrassing.
Browse this board daily hoping things would change for the better without proactively putting myself into situations to make life better
I hug 4 or 5 coats hung up in my closet and cry
fucked a 25 year old gay guy in the ass and mouth....weekly for a month, im not even gay just lonely
>>38555496
Nice.
gffgfgh
I keep going to this Asian Massage Parlors to get happy endings. I went tonight and this time was a lot weirder, different than the others.
>>38555518
Tell me more anon. Do you think they're starting to judge you? Getting sick of you showing up?
>decided to start browsing /r9k/ today
>actually kind of like it
Everyone has been really nice to me. I feel like I belong here more than I do any other board I was browsing. I'm not sure I should feel pathetic or just roll with it.
>>38555567
why the fuck would they get sick of me grossly overpaying them for handjobs? If they didn't want me around they would stop giving me them.
I'll green text it for you
>first time I go there
>girl is real nervous because it's my first time there and I'm pretty young and in decent shape, plus I'm an autist so I'm extremely nervous so she probably thought I was a cop
>pay for an hour and don't tip at all(wrong move)
>she just gives me massage and no happy ending and throws me out
>next three times I go it's the same girl
>tip her 40 everytime
>same routine, get pretty decent massage and then pretty good handjob, then she cleans me up and I get dressed real quick and run out
cont.
>>38555675
tonight
>go there, different girl working there
>way prettier and younger then the other girl, looks like a kpop singer with dyed blonde hair
>think maybe if I tip 60 this time I can get her to blow me
>start massage, is way shittier masseuse than the other girl, pretty much only massages my lower back and shoulders
>then she gets on top and straddles my ass, grinding her pussy against me while massaging me
>occasionally feeling my arm muscles and giggling or going "oh so strong"
>dim the lights
cont.
>>38555756
She's going to have a dick isn't she
>Sit on my hand until it falls asleep and then start masturbating, pretending someone else is jerking me off since i cant feel my hand aymore
>>38555732
yeah all the girls that work there are pretty, definitely no hags
>>38555756
to start the whole erotic part she is lightly running her fingertips and blowing all over my back
>then it slowly turns into running her fingertips over the backside of my balls and blowing into my anus(still laying on my stomach)
>think this is weird and not turning me on so I flip over for the happy ending
>instead of using oil like the other girl she licks up her hands and uses that
>doesn't feel as nice but I was excited because I thought that meant she might blow me
>start to go feel up her shorts, she turns so her ass is away from me but her tits are closer
>her tit pops out and she kinda freaks and giggles and puts it back in
>the other girl lets me play with her boobs what's the big deal
>she turns and puts her face real close to mine and goes to kiss me
>I DO NOT know where that mouth has been and considering it was as close to my butthole as it was do not want it anywhere near my moth so I turn
>she lands on my neck and continues kissing it while she's rubbing me off
cont
>>38555856
Does this actually work, like does it actually feel like someone else is doing it? I've heard people talk about it but never actually done it myself.
>>38554829
Post here t b h
Losers
>>38554987
Most roasties fake their moaning
Stop kidding yourself
>>38555903
Well there's no time like the present.
>>38555941
I'll probably do it later today. How long does it usually take for your hand to go to sleep?
>>38555896
>she definitely tells how I am not amused by this so she turns around to where her face is close to my dick and making slurping sounds like she's blowing me but she isn't
>it's getting close to my hour so while doing this she gets both hands and power cranks my peenor
>finally cum and she turns my dick to the left and I shoot all over the floor
>the other girl let me shoot all over her tits, it was pretty cool leaving the parlor and seeing my huge cum stain on her black shirt
>anyway snap back to reality and the new girl goes to get the wet towel to clean me up
>she's taking forever and is still trying to talk to me and feel all over my body going "wow such good shape good butt hehe"
>listen lady I came already I just wanna get the hell outta here
>I'm cleaned up and out my clothes on and she says "stop slow down you can relax hehe"
>laugh and put my shirt and shoes on and head for the door
>she grabs my hand and spins me around and makes me give her a hug
>when I hug her she kissed me on the cheek and says "see you next time baby"
>run out of there
What the fuck? Was she like trying to flirt with me or was that the premium tipper treatment was getting an Asian whore to slobber all over my face and waste my precious time? Overall was NOT amused with the latest time and I went and I may request to see someone other than her next time.
>>38554829
being born although in my defense I couldn't stop it from happening
>>38554829
Stole my grandmas medication to get high. Tried to kill myself because I thought the world was fictional and the way to the real world was death. I can go on.
>>38554887
I've done thattwice
>>38556070
>Tried to kill myself because I thought the world was fictional and the way to the real world was death
What's pathetic about the truth anon?
>>38556108
So how badly was your subconscious telling you not to do it the second time
>>38556134
Actually I was a lot closer to the female the second time (she even showed me pictures of her booty), and for some reason thought it was a good idea.
It didn't work, and now I am a virgin at 20.
>>38556242
>20
pfffft you are like a little baby
Used over the counter cough medicine to get high even past high school.I still do it from time to time.
wew lads wew wew
>be me
>college
>8/10 blonde qt texts me "how late r u gonna be up"
>reply "pretty late, studying" and then keep studying without continuing the conversation
I'm retarded, I accept it
I shoved 30 marbles up my ass once
>>38557137
Desu missing cues from a girl is worse than getting outright rejected
>>38557268
Daily reminder that if anyone has ever sent you signals of any kind, even if you didn't pick up on them, you're a normie and need to leave this board.
>>38554829
I let a girl paint my nails.
>>38554829
Posted on this shithole of a board
>>38557306
Ehhhh I'll stay but thanks
>>38554829
messaged my friend on Facebook saying I missed them after we hadn't talked in years
>>38557401
all they said was oh
Stuck my dick between the couch cushions and fucked it.
Recently too.
>>38555571
Newfags out now o
Got cucked and am literally taking care of my boyfriend's daughter.
>>38554829
Bury a diode in a pet grave yard, make a cross for it, engrave the cross, and have a burial ceremony.
>>38554829
I have a whole group of friends that I've made up to tell my parents about. I have friends with names and personalities and back stories and Ihave situations with us that I made up to talk about. I'm actually a friendless loser who can't talk to people, but I don't want my parents to know what a failure I am so I just lie about it.
>>38554887
Same thing happened earlier in the year to me
>got food together after work twice
>i pay and shit
>shes surprised when i say i like her
>says shes not looking for a relationship
If i kill myself im going to go out in the wilderness and blow my brains out. Let the animals eat me
>>38555229
Ill b ur friend anon.
>Around two years ago
>Have a crush on girl
>Never spoken to her once
>Nervous to even be around her
>Notice one day that she stays after class on a certain part of campus waiting to be picked up (she didn't have a car apparently)
>Do the rational thing and use exposure therapy to try to overcome some of that anxiety
>It's just me and her sitting alone in an isolated part of campus late at night isolated from everyone else
>Often for like an hour at a time
>99% of the time I didn't even have to be there, just wanted something to happen
>She noticed me and didn't move, so I figured she didn't mind.
>Repeat this for 20 times
>Am no longer nervous to be around her but the semester has ended and my legitimate excuse to talk to her, gone.
>Not the last time I saw her though
>Step 1 of 10,000 complete
Just one of many such incidents with this girl. The tip of the iceberg if you will.
>>38557955
damn it anon don't do this to yourself
>>38556332
Hi spic
>>38558160
It's already over. Two years ago it "ended" but I haven't been attracted to a girl since then. It went about as well as you expect, though to be fair, she probably liked me too.
I gained a resistance to anxiety, some knowledge, and some sort of temporary purpose in life. I lost a lot too. My grades for example, tanked for a straight year, which screwed my GPA to the point where I had to go to one of the worst colleges in the state. Also had to retake a few classes extending my time there...
Again this is just the tip of the iceberg. I could write a novel on this stuff, maybe I will. It would be an interesting sort of psychological novel.
>>38558333
greentext stories are the psychological novel of our times
i also feed off them
>>38558369
I wrote about it quite extensively on /r9k/ a few years ago, and even more extensively in private... let's see if I can find those old posts of mine using desuarchive.
>>38555250
Does she still not know about it? Are you still together?
>>38555250
don't let it get to you anon, she's already cheated on you multiple times
>>38558258
Yeah sorry anon but I'm a just a white skelly
>>38556070
>yume nikki fans
>>38558558
what keyboard is that i think i might have the same one
Lie.
Everytime I lie, whether I get caught or not, I always feel like a fucking retard.
I went into a friends house over when I was 12 to shove our favorite toys up our asses.
Put a dress on, bent down on my knees and fucked myself with a toothbrush holder.
>friendless loner in university
>share a suite with 8 other guys
>intentionally leave before 5 am and return after everyone sleeps just to avoid the look of pity they had for me
>had to come up with a way to keep myself busy during weekend nights
>secretly got past security to enter classrooms that were supposed to be closed for the weekend
>eventually learn their routes and figure out the malfunctioning doors that were supposed to be locked
>spend entire weekends making a personal fort out of campus facilities
>marathon animu on campus provided laptop and binge on cheap wine and delivery pizza
>would sometimes sneak into library and have a seven floor building as my personal hug box
I can only imagine what the guards were thinking when they were reviewing the security footage.
>>38559735
That soundscomfy dusu
>>38555229
>I write shipping fanfiction
Is that a typo anon? Or is "shipping" code word for something?
I you do indeed write fan fic about shipping and the shipping industry i thiink thats cool.
Better than dr who fan fic anyway.
>>38559849
Shipping means to want two people to be together, like I ship you as a couple.
>>38559828
It was. But it's experiences I can only share here. I'm carrying all of them to my grave.
>>38557955
Thank god Im not the only one that develops crushes on girls purely from observing and listening to them from afar. Thought I was the only ultra creep here, every other robot talks to their oneitises.
Id really like to know how to fucking engage in a conversation with them by myself
Seating situations, friends and class partners etc all stop me from just sitting down with whoever the girl is
Im stuck waiting for an opportunity to come to me instead of making one for myself
Fuck im shit
>>38559849
Shipping is for mongoloids save yourself
>>38560313
Nothing to do but attempt to create a situation where it is acceptable. Where I am, in school at least, groups are formed based on proximity, so sit near them. I tried some of that myself, though failed. It was pretty obvious I was attracted to this girl and was just afraid to talk to her though. Luckily she liked me too and wasn't repulsed. She was a sort of shy type too. Shame shame.
>>38554829
got spitroasted by trannies to lose my virginity because I thought it'd be funny and expected to kill myself within a month anyways
now years later I'm eternally ashamed and can never, ever wipe that out of my history.
>>38559982
Thanks anon i did not know that and am now amused.
I thought telling my oneitis about my feelings would work. Havent talked to her in 5 months. Someone kill me.
>>38554829
>girl asked me out to lunch
>it went pretty great, hugged at the end
>never contact her afterwards
What do I do lads, I love her but it's been a month now.
>>38560542
>got spitroasted by trannies
Greentext pls
>>38554829
I was addicted to heroin for a while, ended up stealing a bunch of money from my family, probably at least a grand
Also maintainedand continue toa really close friendship with the one real oneitis I've ever had without ever telling her my feelings. It kills me inside but I'm in too deep to get out now
>>38555426
You stimulant guys are fucking hardcore, I was a big degenerate while doing heroin but everyone I know who was big into stims was on another fucking level entirely
>>38554829
I started the derailment of the comfy thread thats going on now. PaRTY ROCK
>>38554829
Fell in love. I know it sound edgy but that's genuinely my biggest regret in life.
>>38555344
Not reading any more cos no one's gonna top this
>>38560706
>>38557856
>>38554887
>>38556108
I've never really grasped the concept of why people would "confess" to their crush or oneitis or anyone they're interested in. For that to work the other person literally has to love you back, you know? I am honestly pretty sure that's not how it works in a lot of cases. You have to work to make someone fall in love with you and not confess your "love" to them.
>>38554887
everyone's done that anon even chads
>>38561432
i was there, we fucking raped that thread FUCK YOUR COMFY THREADS
>Be me last Monday
>Oneitis from high school talked to me from out of the blue
>Asked me to go to dinner with her
>Kinda felt like a date, she kept touching her leg to mine under the table
>She made sure to bring up multiple times that she was single now
>Got back to my house, had a fire in my backyard
>We decided to go in my pool, she had to borrow my sister's bikini
>Never worked up the confidence to make any kind of move
>Always thought of her as unattainable, and even now that she wanted me, I still thought I wasn't good enough
>She leaves, at least gives me a hug
>Smell the bathing suit bottoms she wore, only smell chlorine
>Jerk off with them anyway
>Finish and get that "what have I done" feeling with these bottoms wrapped around my dick
>I guess when I was horny I thought it was sort of comparable to me fucking her but I just felt disgusting after
>>38554829
I got in an argument with who is now my ex-wife a long while back. She started to throw a fit so I had to walk some twelve miles home.
Along the way I got kind of bored so I jerked off in an alley alongside a shuttered Starbuck's.
It just seemed like the thing to do at the time.
>>38560376
Listen to him man. That's gross.
>>38556024
Depends on how much you weigh i suppose, the fatter you are the quicker the hands falls asleep
>90+ replies
we know r9k can do better than that
>Went to cousins house
>Aunt is hot as hell
>I'm staying for a whole week
>On the way to the bathroom they have their washing room
>Aunt leaves her underwear on the "to be washed bin"
>I notice that
>Wait till 3am
>Everyone is asleep
>Go into washing room
>Look furiously for aunt's underwear
>Lust consuming me.jpg
>Go into bathroom and jerk off 2 times while sniffing it
>Walk out of bathroom
>Leave underwear in bin
>Guilt trip until falling asleep
>Wake up and do the same thing everyday for the whole week
This went on for 4 years
Had an RP session where the other guy encouraged me to kill myself and that refugees will impregnate my sister on my graveI fapped to it
>>38562706
>Always thought of her as unattainable, and even now that she wanted me, I still thought I wasn't good enough
Ah yes, crippling self doubt and low self esteem. It does wonders in fucking your shit up. But how does one gain confidence in themselves when they've been proven time and time again to be inadequate?
>>38554836
Fpbp
>>38554829
There's a fly in my room and I consider him as my only friend even though he doesn't seem to care.
>>38554829
I masturbated to a 13 yo girl on omegle, pretending to be a bisexual girl. Best orgasm in my whole life.
>spend all of my money on a prostitute
>never have sex with her, just talk or laying next to her
>the most I've ever did was to touch her butt by accident when I was drunk
>do this over the course of 2 months, even buy her an iPhone
>realise I'am broke and don't know how to carry on
>try to flee the country and kill myself
>fail due to being a weak person
>have to ask parents to give me money or else I would have been thrown out of the student dorm
>>38554829
>have balloon fetish
>decide I want to satisfy it
>go to random dollar store
>clerk is a fucking 50+ year old woman
>ask her if they have balloons
>say I`d buy one as long as she blows it up
>watch her blow it up
>take balloon home
>use it to masturbate
And this isn`t the only fucking time I`ve done that. I`ve done this with multiple female clerks. None of them young or pretty. I want death.
>>38555250
you have been given a second chance dont fucking it up anon you lucky motherfucker
My entire life is a long grey smudge of never stepping out of line, so there's nothing that stands out as being particularly exciting or pathetic.
That in itself is probably the most pathetic thing ITT
>>38565196
I also tried to have sex with my best friend dressed as a girl, although I'am everything but feminine
>he slept over in my apartment and my bed (only have 1 giant bed)
>wait till he's asleep
>dress as girl (skirt, thong, thighs and everything)
>try to move closer to him throughout the night
>at some point I'am under the same blanket as he
>my ass is near his hips, it's so warm
>I also tried to move his hand on my ass
>thought that maybe he would crab it in his sleep, thinking it was his girlfriend's
> just crave some buttscratches at that moment, would have done anything for/with him that night
>he just moves away in his sleep and I stop doing that shit
> still cuddle up to him when he awakens, he just seemed confused
>sees that i'am waering a skirt and pink knee socks
>just calls me a creepy and a freak
>leaves my apartment
havent had some alone time with him since then, now his gf is always with him when we're meeting
>>38562606
Sometimes the feeling's so strong you just want to get it out, know for a fact that it's one sided to be able to move on.
>still had an imaginary friend at 13
>pretend to be a girl on /r9k/ and give myself (You)s because no one else will
>ask questions on the internet and get ignored so answer my own questions with bullshit replies, create and use a sockpuppet account if anonymous posting isn't possible
>sometimes when taking a shower, set the water temp to very warm, intensity to pretty high, aim at my chest and pretend I'm hugging "her"
>as a kid, tried to become cool and impress other kids by parroting what older kids said and did, but this didn't work because the kids I tried to impress always found out (I instantly copied the older kids)
>>38555250
You are weird my brother why you chetead on that gf.
>>38554829
I watched a Behind The Meme video and not dislike it.
>>38565276
wtf dude. how is he still friends with you
My story is similar to this >>38562706
>Be me 2 years ago
>Oneitis that shut me down twice calls me out of the blue
>Come to my place anon let's have dinner and watch a movie (she knows i love her cooking, we were friends for some time)
>I don't think about it, i'm already there
>She makes lasagna, we have a fun conversation then she mentions that she and her boyfriend got in a fight
>I awkwardly laugh it off
>We move into her bedroom
>We're watching spiderman(toby maguire)
>We get close
>Snuggling
>She mentions her dad is out of town and that i should spend the night
>I agree
>She asks "want this to get even better?"
>She calls her dealer and asks for weed
>We smoke and talk about old times
>I ask her why she didn't accept me when i told her about my feelings in 2 ocassions
>She snaps
>Says "you weren't man enough" "i wanted you to be more assertive"
>Mentions all the times i could've made a move
>There were many
>Tell her i didn't because of my body(chub) and my insecurities
>I try to hug her
>She pushes me away
>Says "this was a mistake"
>Shows me the way to the door
>It's 2am, no buses, no money
>I walk 4km home
Cried myself to sleep that night
>>38557306
Pretty much exactly this. Even if the ""sign"" is fake af.
>be 3
>brother is 1
>playing with toy cars at kitchen table
>brother hogs all the cars
>think I'm not worthy of playing with them
>still want to play
>go to cupboard
>pick up a sack of potatoes
>it's heavy
>somehow manage to carry it across the room and lift it on the table
>start pushing it around
>father walks in
>asks me where I found the sack
>communication part of brain shuts down
>say nothing
>father takes my "toy" away
>>38565480
you did make a move though, making a move and getting rejected because crazy cunt doesn't know what she wants is better not trying anything.
>>38565480
>Says "you weren't man enough" "i wanted you to be more assertive"
Ouch. I have this problem too. Do women just expect men to get rapey at the drop of a hat? Because I feel like a rapist whenever I express sexuality of any sorts. T-thanks feminism.
>>38565501
She made me really insecure about myself, haven't tried anything with anyone since then because it made me really scared about rejection.
>>38565510
My friends have told me "just go after anyone you like, show them you're interested in them sexually, don't give a fuck, women are plentiful", wish i had their attitude.
Anyway she's now a feminist, a vegan and believes in communism, might've dodged a bullet there, the feels tell me otherwise.
>>38560992
Contact her you faggot.
Eh, probably too late lad.
Might as well get over it.
But there are still chances.
>>38554887
>Be me
>Girlfriend of a month and a half says she wants to break up
>sperg out and say "I love you"
>end up begging her to stay with me
>she says she doesn't feel the same about me
We're still "friends" and I think I have a good chance of getting back together with her but I embarrassed myself on that day. I do love her though.
>>38565080
Does he have a name?
>>38554829
basically begged my oneitis of 3 years for at least one goddamn kiss so I don't have to feel like a pathetic loser that I am for wasting 3 years like thatI didn't get it
Also afterwrads she tried to comfort me about it, we had a 'deep' conversation where I bascially told her about my every last insecurity, hopes and dreams for the future and all that gay stuff
Needless to say I'm also a 27yo virgin. I suck at what I've bee studying for the past 8 years and I suck at everything I do. All of that is a solid base I'd say
>>38565464
don't know
as I see it, there's nothing to be gained by being friends with me
>>38554829
>in new high school (junior)
>end of year
>ask that cute shy girl out without any date
>gets rejected
>fast forward to next year
>be mellow about it and hang around her
>hassle her friends about her
>try again by sending her a nice card invitation to a movie
>says she's busy
>around December a friend of hers tells me she's not into me
>I keep trying to ask her out
>gets rejected a second time by text
>cry like a pussy
>she takes me on-on-one one night and talks to me on a cold December night
>I try to ask her out again
>third rejection
As the year ended we kept having meaningless text convos about love and shit, at some point I just went batshit crazy started reading Elliott's manifesto in library and fuck I STIL LFEEL SO FUCKING SAD OVER THAT SO PATHETIC
Learned to swordfight (not even well) to challenge some guy disrespecting my waifu to a duel to the death
>>38558707
Yep
>>38565813
Can you please elaborate more on this?
>>38565813
Show us the mentioned waifu too
>>38555229
>When I was younger I used to do weird shit to make my friends laugh.
Same. Although I was a loner and a khv I did shit normies do and everyone laughed at me. It even earned me a few friends who occasionally laughed with me and agreed to take a picture with me once so I could show my parents I had friends
>>38557708
It's pretty impressive if you can keep that web of lies intact without any inconsistencies that make it noticeable.
Masturbated to the stench of my own farts and shit.
>>38565480
fuck dude i winced from reading that, i am so sorry that happened anon
>>38565835
What's there to tell? I never did it if that's what you're wondering, first I got stricken with some illness that bedrid me for weeks and that repronounced some previous injuries so I couldn't continue doing the sport and then my mentor fucked off for three years to do his own thing so I definitely wasn't gonna continue
Guy I was hunting ended up dying from being a homeless bum in canada during that winter or just lied about everything and disappeared off the internet
>>38565844
I'm sure you can figure it out
>>38554829
Simultaneously the most pathetic, most sneaky, most kino, and most nicest thing I ever did was make out with a stranger so I could get him alone, steal his phone, and tell his wife he's a cheating cunt.
Not counting that, it'd probably be roleplaying as a character from a fujo anime on tumblr when I was 17-22.
>>38566004
Sorry, tumblr and myspace. For extra cringe.
on okcupd there was this fat chick.
I messaged her about going out.
she said she'll "think about it"
>really it meant no.
>awhile later message her back.
>ask her if she got many dates.
>same old boring routine of beating around the bush.
I guess i was slightly more pathetic because i kept trying... no she wasn't getting any dates either.
>be 17
>ask a girl out
>she rejected me
>then she asks me out, but also with some friends of mine, and some retarded girl she knew
>say yes
>go to the place we decided to meet
>everyone is there
>but her
>one of her retarded friend says: "she had an argument with her mother", while laughing
>start drinking to fell better
>binge-drink 3 strong beers (9%) in a row
>nausea
>vomit all over the place
>>38566085
Had a similar situation happen to me so i know that feeling but 3 beers and vomiting? Damn anon
>>38555167
She fucked your brains out did she anon?
>>38566133
I was 115 lbs and not used to drink
>>38554829
>haven't washed my bed sheets in over a year
>vomited and shit in it several months ago
>wiped it down with paper towels but left it as is besides that
>only shower once every two days so the smell clings to me like exotic cologne
>>38555167
>I had my penis first
jerked off to a nasty punk/homeless bitch that was undressing in the street
i'm so fucking horny
>>38557401
>>38557422
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck I had something similar too.
Decided to message my "best friend" from primary school and could tell he had no desire to talk to me. I felt like such shit.
>>38566270
>>haven't washed my bed sheets in over a year
What the fuck does it cost you man
Besides if u wash that shit clean then u wont have to wash yourself as much as u do now
>>38565480
This is what I hate, you so much as touch a woman and it could be construed as sexual assault. Knowing my luck the one time I ever try something I would be in some shit.
EVERY time I tried to get away with something as a kid I was caught, being safe is just who I am now
>>38555250
no she doesnt. happened about a year ago, we are still together.
>>38554829
I put a chicken wing up my ass. Shit burnt like hell too!
I also must add that the chicken was in fact eaten and the bones were left and that was what I shoved in my ass not the meat too. kek
I've been pretending to go college for the last 2 years. I know there is no good way i am getting out of this
>>38565712
You have to move on, anon. If you get back with her she will string you along and have no respect for you.
>>38566588
Have you at least learned something useful in these two years anon?
>>38559735
that sounds comfy as hell anon, I'm lowkey jealous
>>38566641
Of course not lol
>>38554829
Became a tranny because of trap threads, I pass well though so it's not overly bad.
>>38554829
I was a massive metalfag when I was a teenager. Dave Mustaine was my fucking hero so I wanted to emulate him. I did a bunch of drugs from age 15 to 17. I wanted to try heroin but luckily I snapped out of this dumb phase before I could get my hands on it. Basically I was willing to ruin my life because I saw a couple of rock star documentaries as a kid. I even fantasized about being an opiate addict and having people feel sorry for me lol.
bought Diablo 3 on the release and thought it would be decent
then bought it again when the expansion released, this time for my xbone
and bought it a 3 time, again on my pc because I already deleted my old email which was connected to my old blizzard account
>>38554829
>Be me
>Be a Brit
>Secondary school
>First Year
>Different school to former bullies from primary
>Four years of being shut in is going to end
>Actually start by being a normal person
>At time I do not want to seem weak so...
>Start by tearing apart Disney films and saying I dislike the entire company
>Start getting to know my school years popular crowd
>Also start browsing 4chan
>Start destroying what they like and act like a psycho
>All the while the teachers see me as the second coming of Jesus
>Bully Asian kid who barely speaks English twice in the only year he was there
>Introduce popular kids to 4 and 8 Chan
>Gain allies
>Next few years are me keeping good people down to keep myself good
>My own friends are alright
>Life is good
>Even bully ginger cunt who only hit puberty in his final year
>Teachers bully him also
>Become Brony and get more respect
>On a film day
>Watching film
>Disney
>asked why I'm watching
>say I wanted out of lesson
>actually don't mind film
>I barely blink during film (like all films I do this and eyes dry out. Always when in dark.)
>Lights come on and dry eyes are sore
>blink
>eyes slightly red
>try to explain
>friend says shit and i fight him
>honour defended
>anxiety above normal levels
>>38566831
Continued
>bully next year is transferred after getting kicked out
>by then he leaves me alone
>use threats of deep web in final year
>pretend to do it
>teacher only sees kid hit me
>Chad tries to say what I did
>I lie and even turn down opportunity to punch teacher
>as I didn't punch teacher when they requested I keep my good boy image
>Chad excluded for a week
>year goes well
My entire secondary school year was me sacrificing who I was to be dominant yet an anxiety fuelled wreck. Only a few people knew who I was and were the best people I knew after they found out. I could have led a normal life but chose something which made me a robot in the skin of something else.
Didn't even get a gf because everyone were low class slags. But people offered occasionally.
I also wrote cringe worthy fanfics. Most were Disney, like what fanfics I read.
Also played Minecraft.
>studying with oneitis in library
>"im gonna go to the washroom, anon"
>comes back a couple of minutes later
>excuse myself and go into the same washroom
>see pee all over the seat and lap it up
>go sit back down with her
>when we're leaving she says "one sec, gotta use the bathroom"
>"didnt you just go?"
>"hehe no anon I was just doing my makeup
>>38566860
this is not original
you should feel bad
>>38566886
I can't find the original on my computer so I had to type it up somewhere
>>38561408
I'm a naturally fast person irl. I talk fast, do things fast, walk fast, etc. Stimulants were like a piece of me I was missing, and it fit so well into my life. I used to binge 900mg of adderall every month over the course of a day or so, for months. It was probably a year actually, those times are really hazy.
I just really like stimulates, it's the yin to my yang, it just naturally fits my nature.
>>38556332
Does it fuck your brain?
>>38557955
fuck i have a similar story, only shittier cause im shittier
>go to different bus stop to change daily route home
>notice a really cute girl there
>just stare at her at the sidelines
>notice she's there at the same time i go home every day
>spend all of that time just staring at her through peripheral vision
>sometimes do something nice by letting her go in the bus first
>near the end of the semester she brings her boyfriend and they're openly flirting
>give up and stop going to school
i think she noticed how much i've been looking at her and the increasing amount of "attempts" at talking to her so she brought her boyfriend
i want to die now
>>38554829
Begged my ex gf's new boyfriend to keep me in chastity.
i convinced my former gf to cuck me with Sparky thunderknot while i watch.
bad idea, she realized that her dogo could fuck her better then me without having to deal with my autism.
now i'm single.
>>38565238
haha holy shit this is beautiful. Please have no shame this is a very wholesome fetish.
>>38557335
There is literally NOTHING wrong with this.
ghffdf
Jacked off into this chinese girls sock she left in the laundry room and posted pics on 4chan
Not even a foot guy, I just was a (You) whore
>>38557708
The lord jesus will always love you, anon.
>>38565408
Losing control. I've been there too and I felt suicidal. Turns out she cheated on me with her ex.
>>38555229
What do you write about? Maybe I've read something yours
>>38555229
Have you put this in other threads anon? I could swear I've seen this story on /b/
My family is from a third world shithole and we are just middle class people, enough money for a modest life and a small house to call our own.
Mom and Dad both worked jobs so that they could provide for us. When I was around 15 I had an anime figure imported , which costed literally half of my parents' monthly salary combined. It was a lot of money. I used to take it to the toilet and fap to the figure and jizz on it. One day mom came'a knockin' and in a state of panic I tried to flush down that figure down the toilet. To my dismay, it clogged the shitter as it was 8 inches big. I ran out the toilet, I'm quite sure they found the figure but didn't say anything.
I later moved out, got a decent job(but resigned because personal autism), now I freelance sometimes and I make enough money so I send most of it to my parents to make up for the waste of money I did as a kid.
>>38567906
Well,thank you anon. That was very nice of you.
Jerked off with panties that I took out the trash.
>>38557708
I'll b your friend anon
got skype?
>>38555505
>fucked a guy in the ass and mouth weekly for a month
>im not even gay
>be me
>virgin
>see cute girl at park during daily walk one day
>see her almost every day
>over the course of a few months manage to work up the courage to talk to her
>for the first time in my fucking life talking to a girl actually goes pretty well
>we talk every day
>become friends
>want to become more than friends, pretty sure she is mutually interested
>at her place
>one thing leads to another
>she tells me to lick her feet
>what?
>I want you to lick my feet
>...
>I know it's a sexual thing and don't get me wrong I have fetishes to and even fetishes way weirder than that but I'm just not into feet and for some reason despite years of sexually depraved acts in private I just can't do it
>just standing there like a retard
>not saying anything
>not licking her feet
>I just leave, both extremely embarrassed, very few words exchanged
>never talk to each other ever again
>don't see her at the park anymore, she must've felt just as embarrassed as I did
>stop running everyday
>see her one day months later from afar
>she's with someone
>he looks more attractive than me
>probably licks her feet
>I'm still a virgin to this day
I should've just licked her fucking god damn feet
>>38569183
i can't tell which is more pathetic, not licking her feet or licking it kek
>>38555571
fuck off and die
>original oregano
Steak the neighbours ball! ARF ARF ARF
>>38554829
>go to work party
>onititis looks amazing
>says she cant wait to dance with and do shots with me
>pacing myself, dont want to get too drunk
>get spiked
>wake up in a ditch the next morning
>onitis ignores me from there on and calls me by my name instead of my nickname
I was too close to getting what i wanted and that just not the kind of world we live in.
>>38560992
>it went pretty great, hugged at the end
If thats a great date for you then I feel Bad
I was something like the photographer at the school's vacations and always made really hot pics of some classmates with chubby body. I'm pretty sure it was obvious to other people that something was wrong with this pictures. But I was too young to realise that it was very obvious to notice.
I put one of those popcorn kernels in my ear and it got stuck in there. I went to an ear doctor to get it out and I'm pretty sure he didn't even though he said that he did.
>>38565489
>hauling a sack of potatoes around as a 3 year old
>pathetic
>not alpha as fuck
You made your brother your bitch m8
>>38565665
I'm texting her today, my promise to myself and you. Maybe she won't even respond, but it's better than not trying.
>>38569492
Hey man, for my first date I'd say it's good.
Figure I could share this story now, I've matured significantly
>Senior in HS, 2008
>Break up with perfect gf of 8 months, of course ends in flames
>Immediate regret for letting her go, never find someone for the rest of the school year
>Find out she got a new bf the same week we broke up, some dyel manlet hispanic
>Convinced I can get her back if I just keep texting her
>It doesn't work, gee who would've thought
>Keep texting her every night, she keeps responding and arguing with me constantly
>This goes on for the whole semester over text, we never speak to each other
>Finally I pull out the BIG GUNS
>Spam her phone with the phrase "I love you"
>Keep spamming, pull out my phone when nobody's looking and send 30 messages with the same phrase
>She finally gets fed up and sics the school security on me
>I'm led into vp's office, apparently I sent 1000+ messages in a 5 hour span
>Only then, after our parents butt heads and I nearly get suspended, does she block my number
Best part was the staff who were in there with me telling me I'd find a gorgeous woman better than her in college. Joke's on them haha, r-right guys?
Gave my coworker a ride to work and she brought a bag of clothes. She left them in my car while we were at work. On my break I drove to a secluded parking lot and looked through her bag. It was full of shirts and no panties or bras but she did have a pair of sandals in it. I licked the sandal up and down then I rubbed my dick all over it and jacked off on it.
>>38554829
>took creepshots of the girls in my class
>fapped to them daily
>add people over steam or something if they have a cute profile picture
>started roleplaying my MMO character because it was the only personality I could create and the only way I know how to make friends
>take the RP universe more serious than my actual life since it's great escapism and finally makes me a character
>interpret every female player as a actual female
>>38571262
Adding
>also interpret those with cute profile pictures as actual anime girls to delude myself
>try my hardest to stay on their good side
>maybe even try to get into a relationship with one
>same goes for female players on MMOs
i should just fucking kill myself
>>38554829
I once tried asking a girl out by dumping a full water bottle on her face and making her cry.
Good times.
>>38571637
So did she go out with you, or is it actually possible to be too alpha?
>>38554829
Stared at the pictures of my oneitis few hours straight while drinking alone. She's not even alone on those pics, but I didn't care.
>>38554829
>3 years ago when i was 15
>just started highschool
>a week in, i am already the funny guy/chad in the class
>a 9/10 girl from the class asks me out to get coffee
>i say no because i have to study for a test
>never talk to her again
>1 month goes by
>discover 4chan
>ruin my social life
>barely go outside anymore
>mfw i look like a chad but i am actually a fucking pussy
i want to neck myself, you guys ruined my life
>>38562706
It's not even me and I feel like I'd take at least half a shot there, but it hurts regardless
>>38565355
Here's a very original (You).
jerked of 5 times before 8am
slept in my parents bed when i was 17
>>38572026
nice meme, here's a (you)
>>38571750
She ran away from me when it happened and she always tried to get away from me.