Psychological Issues #103

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ooh shit, l'm sorry.

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Oh. Hi. Isn't it too early?

>>38542603

It's not like we have schedule times. At some point I'll absent myself, but not right now.

Are you on Lichess then?

Hi. I don't know what this is, but I guess I'll share some things
>24 year old in med school
>no friends, estranged from family, no gf
>depressed and suicidal
>gender dysphoria
>asperger's
>social anxiety disorder

I'm taking SSRIs now but it feels like a false happiness, you know? And I don't have the time or money to have talk therapy or CBT. I feel like a failure all the time too. I don't think I deserve what I got nor do I think that I was meant to live this long. I should've died by now. It's a mistake that I've gotten this far.

One day until my holiday. It was nice not to go into work today. Not sure how stringent I'll be while I'm away at the spa, but if nothing else I'll stay sober.

>>38542655

Hello you.

The first thing to change is your name. Choose something related to your medical studies, like Medical Bro, or... Medman, except... that's already taken.

How about Doctor?

I can already imagine that your issues won't get better with medication, as they may only ease the symptoms but not cure the illness.

The first thing I'll ask you to do is tell me why you're estranged from your family (I'm not assuming it's your fault, just to be sure).

Hey there folks, glad to see i'm early. How's everyone doing?

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>>38542666

Satan trips.

You should try the cooking board. There's cool stuff and they have several drinking threads, like support groups for T-totalers.

>>38542714
I'm fine if I'm cooking. I certainly won't be if I'm staying at a spa/ hotel.

>>38542701
Sure. I changed it.

I never really related to them. They were nice to me growing up, but the major thing is that my mental status, especially gender dysphoria, makes relating with them impossible.

>>38542754

OK, let's tackle that sex dysphoria. Tell me about it.

I have zero aspiration or motivation to leave my bed
Not even the gym is enough to encourage me to do anything

I've spent the last year just laying in bed, all day, every day, day after day

Nobody even realises I'm fucking not right
Which is okay I guess

>>38542796

Are you seeing a therapist?

What do you do when you're in bed?

>>38542796
That doesn't sound right. Are you a neet? Do you have studies?
Also, how has your family not realized?

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Im 4 weeks behind on a writing workshop and i write like a retard while the rest of my classmates are 30-40 year old published authors and old people. I originally joined so i could write better fetish fanfiction but i cant excatly submit that for my workshop entry. I also started the semester by oversharing (being overemotional out of manicness) so i feel hesitant. How do i start? Also i dont want to take away a lot of time from the other anon as he has much bigger problems so any short answer from anyone is good.

>>38542747

I actually don't understand this. You're fin if you're cooking, what?

You won't be fine at the spa? What?

You're connecting dots I don't even have here.

>cooking prevents alcohol consumption?
>spa hotels routinely offer free drinks to customers?

>>38542760
I wish I was born a girl. It's been that way since I was 5. I dress up as a girl. I think of myself as a girl. I can't transition though. It would be terrible.

fell in love with someone i should have not 3 yrs ago
never been together with her
she told me that my love is one of the nicest things she had ever seen in her entire life
but she is not into love-based relationships, she usually meets people,fucks them and moves on instead
i cant find happiness in anything except talking to her, i dont give a fuck about any other negative stuff in my life when i'm with her and nothing bothers me
i hate myself because i think that i'm not enough if she prefers other people to me
and it bothers me that i'm her psuedo dog for 3 yrs but she fucks people after talking for a week or two,i suppose
she trusts me, talks to me when she is not ok and stuff

and i dont have any interest in life
i'm isolated
the world looks like a mess to me

>>38542835
no, and I won't cause I'm going into the armed forces and they'll blow me off if I had something like that on my medical records

>>38542837
Just finished my last year of school ever, I'm a NEET until the end of the year, then I'm going into the armed forces

I would often maximise my time in bed by planning the latest I can get up to arrive to my lesson, then go straight home once they were done, back to laying in bed, on the sofa or even on the floor.

I live with just my mother and I guess she just doesn't notice

I have a tablet and I just watch videos, browse 4chan and occasionally talk to people I've met on this website.

>>38542858

Don't undervalue yourself, Laze. Everyone deserves care. You as much as anyone else.

Both Facet and I know a bit about writing, so you're in luck.

What's your assignment exactly?

>>38542871

We've had a few cases like that here, both directions. Are there men in your life that you particularly hate? Are you ashamed of being a man? Do you connect your desire to be a woman to anything?

>>38542882

OK. Have you seen this pattern before in your life? How do you usually love women?

Is your mother a warm and loving person?

>>38542869
I mean to say I don't need recipe advice from /ck/ since I won't be cooking whilst I'm away. Not to mention, I'm pretty confident in my ability to cook and do so healthily. I visit there every so often but there's a fair bit of nonsense.

>>38542882
Leave. The longer you stay, the longer you'll be miserable, the harder it will become, the worse off you'll be.
Leave and find purpose elsewhere.

>>38542922
I don't really hate anyone in my life (except myself).

I wouldn't say I'm "ashamed" of being a man. I'd rather say that I hate the body and sex I was born in.

With cross-dressing and pretending to be a girl when I'm alone.

>>38542943
she is my first love, i'm 17. never loved anyone else before, i tried to talk to other people but none of them made me feel like her, even if they cared me more than she did

my mother loves me the most, my father and siblings also seem to care but i sometimes question if they actually do or not

>>38542627
>Are you on Lichess then
No, will be asleep soon. Give me a few hours and I'll get to it. How can I find you there, in case the thread is kill when I make an account

Despite there being no shedule time I'm still surprised to see it this early. Maybe when I wake up and have late night coffee we could talk about love or something. Don't mean to be one of those folks that complain they are ignored, but I'm just hoping we connect the dots one of these days.

>>38542898
>I live with just my mother

What happened to her?

>>38542944

I meant mainly the no alcohol threads. I know you can cook very well.

>>38542993
Father left before I was born lol

>>38542986
>I'd rather say that I hate the body and sex I was born in.

What do you hate about your penis?

>>38542898
Do you have any hobbies or interests?
Also, it might help that you just go outside and do nothing, it'll get you used to it.

>>38542906
Workshop: Write 4000 words (short story)

Everytime i start writing, I'll get stuck two paragraphs in - and it feels like i'm just going with the motions of writing something that 'works' but isnt exactly exciting or interesting. Like i'll start writing about a girl who climbed a rooftop to look at the signs across the street, but ill start to write things i 'need' to datadump in so it makes sense why shes up there or boring descriptions of the roof to set the setting. Just stuff thats a slog to write and read. Hard to describe, im honestly new to writing because i went to inner city schools.

The part im super behind on are the forum replies to discussions about the readings, everyone writes so much

>>38543022
I don't hate my penis. I hate my body and I hate my gender.

>>38542898
Also, forgot to ask about your relationship with your mom

>>38542992
>How can I find you there

Nick1982

You can just "follow" me and it makes us friends.

We should talk about love. I confess I don't remember what your issues were.

>>38543007

Is that the reason why she became depressed?

>>38543024
I go to the gym occasionally but has begun losing motivation to do that after 3 years of going

>>38543041
Bad in my adolescence. But I'm more cold hearted now, and things don't bother me like they used to, and I guess its not so bad now

>>38542704
Me too. Was mindlessly browsing when I saw it. Just took a pill to help relax, wanna try and catch up on sleep. Hopefully it works
what about you? I don't think we've talked before

>>38543036

Before you start writing, you should work on a plan. You need to know, roughly, what happens, how it ends, how it starts. It's not always like that but planning out will help.

Have you read books about writing? I can recommend some; they might be more useful to you than a workshop.

Facet has a degree in writing, he can certainly recommend some references, I imagine.

>>38543059
I don't know if she is. She works a very difficult job and I guess that consumes a lot of her free time.

>>38543040
>I don't hate my penis. I hate my body and I hate my gender.

Is your penis not part of your body and one of the main incarnations of your gender? I'm slightly confused here.

>>38543083
>I don't know if she is.

Sounds like neither of you knows much about the other. How do you explain that?

>>38543036
Hey, there's a lot of writers around here. On the theme of descriptions, somethimg that tends to help is using a two-word formula, for example, if you wanna describe an old, weak tree, you could say something like I just did

>>38543078
I'll start with some index cards

Thank you, any books would be amazing.

>>38543113
Oh cool, i'll try that

>>38543109
I spend most of my time in my room. In bed. Like I said. We never speak about anything personal, I don't trust her either because she tells everyone everything personal.

>>38543113

For descriptions, I recommend adding some action to it, as in, something happens and enables you to describe, like a cat walks in front of a worn down wall.

Anything other than just "There was a worn down wall."

When description is embedded with action, it's more alive, and feels more real and less like a movie set.

>>38543067
I haven't talked to pretty much anyone, I'm new here. Posted a bit in the previous thread but my sleepiness and bad internet connection kinda made it hard. Also, just woke up. How you doin' m8?

>>38543131

Instead of describing someone's blonde hair, describe how the person does something with that hair, that way you combine a movement, something happening, with a state of being.

>>38543135
>I don't trust her either because she tells everyone everything personal.

That's a personal boundary issue. She probably expects others to tell everything as well.

>>38543191
Probably. I don't feel like we are getting anywhere with this conversation.

>>38543063
Well, depending on what you wanna do, you can try different sports. Swimming is a great one. Is there anything else you're interested in?
Also, if it doesn't make things harder for you, it would probably be good that you try to get closer to your mom, nothing too serious, just talk to her, help her with housetasks if you're not already doing it, etc.

>>38543047
>I confess I don't remember what your issues were.
Hopefully you remember yesterday's discussion a little? I realize so many come and go it's hard to keep track. And then on top of that trolls.

>issues >>38542701

Reading that I remembered when I first came to these threads. Think it was #11. and how you suggested the medman because of my amphetamine use.
We haven't really covered much about me. Took me a while to get conftrable sharing about myself. As you told another anon yesterday in the thread - start here, online. It's a start for me.

>>38543203
>Probably. I don't feel like we are getting anywhere with this conversation.

We can stop if you prefer.

>>38543213
I have no money, as I'm a NEET. I do like going on walks but I live in a small town and I've seen it all already, there's nothing new to explore and find.

Once I leave home I'll likely hardly ever speak to her again.
She's broken my trust lots before.

>>38543179
Yep, that definitely works. Specially saying something like
"The old, weak tree moved slightly under a cold breeze"
It also depends on the tone you wanna set.

>>38543238
How? What happened?

>>38543261
I'm not open to talking about it.

>>38543220
>Hopefully you remember yesterday's discussion a little?

I remember everything but I don't instantly have access to it without a prompt. In these threads, I'm typing non-stop, jumping from one person to another, juggling issues and such.

>>38543261
Forgot about the name

>>38543276
Hm. I'm also assuming you never met your father.

>>38543220

It is, and we should cover more about you. Share whenever you are ready. No matter how small the steps are.

>>38543284
>I'm typing non-stop, jumping from one person to another, juggling issues and such.
I get that. I really do and was trying to sympathize, but maybe it came out wrong.

>>38543319
I see him occasionally. He has his own psychological problems, financial and other abundance of problems to deal with.

So I keep to myself.

>>38543244

As with anything, though, don't over use, or it'll become apparent that you're thiking of this consciously.

You can vary by going "The old tree with weak structure," or something of the sort.

>>38543331

I wasn't complaining or being passive aggressive, only explaining why I do have serious issues remembering things well.

Hey!
I'm in a situation where Im feeling pretty bad, but for no reason at all.

This happens every week or so, every week I change my mood to sad or happy for no reason.

Plus, I think I'm becoming addicted to drugs and need to change that up. It's destroying my money, luckily is only weed.

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Thank you anons, ill start my writing journey now. After this workshop is over ill see if i can help a brother in a future thread

>>38543352
It must be hard, really. On my side, my family has always been pretty stable, so i don't really know how to give advice. But back to the bed problem, do you have any interest in anything, like reading, music, and such?

>>38542384
Became depressed and have been suffering from extremely low self-esteem and anxiety since January. I have been an inpatient in a psychiatric hospital for about 5 months now.
The difference between then (before I became depressed or just generally fucked up) and now is immense.
>my short term memory has become abysmally poor and my long term memory is also suffering somewhat
>almost constantly restless, bored (nothing seems exciting or interesting anymore, not even slightly), irritable
> apparently have very low frustration tolerance, high sensation seeking coupled with high harm avoidance => miserable human being
>not a friendly person; I have zero empathy
>before I became fucked up I had relatively decent social skills, was self-confident and made a good first impression and had a sense of humor
>zero sense of responsibility: I have been a leech my whole life, I have also more than dabbled in drugs
>ever since being hospitalised I have ignored people who tried to get back in touch with me; now it's too late, and I don't really care
>I have tried all kinds of meds to fix me: Abilify, Invega, Wellbutrin, Cymbalta, Seroquel, Tradodone,
>I'm prescribed Ritalin, Seroquel XR, Cymbalta (tappering off this one)

I'm empty, not friendly (I can't feel happy for others), envious, restless, frustrated, moody, bored as fuck to the point of thinking about suicide.

According my medical file I display traits of borderline personality disorder, avoidant personality disorder and autism. And I'm (or was? I don't walk and talk slow like I used to a few months ago) clinically depressed and suffer from social anxiety.

I wish I could have my brain back from before December.

>>38543418

When does it happen?

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>>38543424

A good start would be King's memoir of the craft. It's part on the craft and part on his life, but it's a very solid book. It covers the basics and is intelligently written.

>>38543418
G'day mate!
Sounds pretty bad there. I also have mood swings, but they're usually short and i quickly go back to my moody self. Is there anything that might trigger them?

>>38543427

That's a shitload.

What did they diagnose you with?

>>38543427
Tbh, i think you might be in a similar situation to a friend of mine, who started feeling like that, but her parents blew it out of proportion and gave her so many pills that it actually made it worse.

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For Laze.

Nick, can you tell me why 'bad' feelings are good, in some way? (Sadness, guilt, grievance for example)

Ever since I was 16~ I've been able to just sort of stop feeling the bad stuff whenever, my father doesn't understand this. He says bad feelings are good, but I don't want to feel that stuff.

>>38543667

It's not really that they're good in themselves, but they're alarms that you need to hear. It's like pain: it feels bad, but it means something's happening that you need to pay attention to.

If you burn yourself or cut yourself, your body will let you know.

It's the same thing with the mind. If you don't process the emotions, you risk worse than feeling bad.

Describe the process of not feeling things.

>>38543667
For me is sort of the opposite, I find myself wanting to feel bad, wanting to be depressed, and i dont know exactly why

>>38543702
> describe the process of not feeling things
There aren't too many things that evict any feelings anymore, I use to be able to think about my father or family members dieing and I'd tear up, but now nothing happens.

When I steal I don't feel bad, when I treat people like shit or do bad things to them, I don't feel guilty anymore.

My father use to say something was wrong if I was forcing myself to cry and nothing was happening, he thought I was trying to build some immunity to it, which makes no sense to me. Sorry for rambling.

>>38543484
Clinical depression (real one, with zero thoughts, psychomotor retardation and complete apathy), social anxiety and substance abuse disorder. Some of the depressive symptoms are gone. I for example don't suffer from psychomotor retardation anymore.
I also display BPD traits, AvPD traits and autistic traits, but no full diagnosis for either of these three. At least in my country I could get certain benefits if I received a full autism diagnosis.

I hope I'm just bipolar (pretty sad to hope that you suffer from a severe mental illness), so that there is a guarantee that things will get better. I can't understand how things have gone this bad. I still have pictures of me taken in December and I see a completely different person. I don't understand it.

>>38543789

Now that's odd... Ask yourself why.

>>38543794

It's something we see a lot here: emotional bluntness as a defense mechanism.

The big question is whether it's reversible or not.

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>>38543804

Forget about bipolar, look up C-PTSD.

>>38543854
I'm not sure, I'm going to a psych and I'm on some SSRI tablet things, I don't feel like it's something that will go away. My narcissism doesn't help me care about others as much as I care about myself.

Hopefully it is though, who knows.

>>38543885
>My narcissism doesn't help me care about others as much as I care about myself.

Kinda doubt you're a narc. Just saying "my narcissism" makes you a light narc if you even are one.

>>38543903
I don't think so either, and I hope not. But my mum was one, I'm not sure if it's genetic or not, I came to that conclusion myself though, so I'm probably wrong.

I just sit in my bed and stare at the ceiling and the gun on my nightside table, wishing I was just ready to pound the reset button. Most of what I do know besides smoke weed.
It's never going to get better and I'm too fucked in the head to try. Reached a point of too many issues swept under the carpet or repressed or warped out of memory through effort and I just missed it all.
Not even an adult.
I do nothing and never want to and can't imagine why I would want to.
Trust no one, do nothing; everything else is just an invitation to beat me harder.

>>38543924
>I'm not sure if it's genetic or not, I

It's not. It is "given" through psychological abuse, usually from caregiver to child. But it's not genetic.

>>38543971
That's nice to hear. One less connection I have to her.

I'll get out of your hair, have a nice night Nick.

>>38543942

That's bleak.

Are you seeing a therapist lately?

>>38544004

No need. You can stay.

Hey nick I've been gone the last few days how are you doing?

I'm trying to reverse a growing unironic hatred for normies because they're vapid and dumb but it isn't healthy

>>38544022
I don't really see a reason why I would. I asked my question and got the answer,

>>38544053

I'm constantly feeling sick; it's been going on for over a week now and I don't know what it is.

I recommend not turning "normies" into a real life memes. It will only isolate you.

What seems vapid is only safe communication, and stupidity may only be a facade for something else.

>>38544061

All right, have a good night, Anon.

>>38544087
I'm sorry to hear that are you able to go to the doctor?

You're right I just have little patience for those I deem shallow and not worth my time

>>38544152
>I'm sorry to hear that are you able to go to the doctor?

I don't actually have a doctor.

>>38544152
>You're right I just have little patience for those I deem shallow and not worth my time

Maybe you judge too fast.

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Posting recommended books.

>>38544215
I definitely do. I suppose Rome wasn't built in a day, all I can do is slowly erode years of disdain for plebs

another day, another issue.

this past year or so i've been kind of forcing myself to look upon the world with love. i've realized that hatred only leads to misery and is also most of the time factually wrong, so i've been trying to see the good parts and think from a compassionate angle.
while this gives me some good feeling from time to time, it's also a stressful kind of positive. then i think about the mediterranean, how effective it is in offing refugees and im relieved so many people die. it almost makes me feel safe, and also a bit disappointed that the death toll isnt large enough to make an impact on a global scale.

maybe im just a hypocrite for trying to do good, maybe it's making me feel worse than if i'd be preaching for closed borders?

>>38544534

Describe what you dislike in them.

>>38544558

What?

If it's any help, even refugees who make it eventually die anyway. Everyone eventually dies.

>>38544626
>Everyone eventually dies.
yes, but usually so slowly that when it happens 2-3 more are there to take it's place.

>try to be loving
>get stressed out
>relish the fact that people are dying by the thousands
>feel relaxed
>feel bad for feeling good

>>38543942
Do you really think this? If you were certain about it you would have probably already done it. But you didn't. So there is doubt. Follow this doubt, ask why it's there. It will show you the way out.

Also sorry if I respond slowly. I'm still fishing and only have my phone.

>>38544014
Kind of. Psychiatrist.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I actually go into mini-tantrums when I try to think remember my life, earnestly evaluate my situation and my options going forward and my estimation of how this is going to develop.
I'm obviously no contact with "friends" and "networking contacts" for some time now. Anyone who says they want to help is a liar, anyone who isn't lying is just spouting hubris.
I'm trapped. I'm fucked. No one can help and unloading here is a bandaid at best. How the fuck can you help someone as resigned to failure as I am?
I've given up everywhere except the recesses of my batty brain. I'm so very tired of everything, it's all such a chore and "all" right now is again, literally nothing but sleeping, eating and numbing myself to my thoughts.
I never saw a happy life for myself, but man I never thought it would be like this. I don't know what keeps me going.

I'm just feeling lonely and I'd like to take to anybody about anything.

>>38544863
I'm certain it's never going to get better, I actually just don't have personally terminating myself in me, anymore or again. I've looked into assisted suicide but I don't have the money for peace or the stomach for what's available. I actually pulled the trigger once, about 6 years ago when my dad died and my plug and play Glock managed to fail to fire for the first time in its run. That coincidence fucked with my head for years.
I have no love for life but from what I can ascertain about the nature of the world we live in, I have no confidence any other state of being (that I would be cognizant of) has any real likelihood of being better.
I feel obligated to people and things I don't give a shit about, but I refuse to actually be in their lives. I just wither and transparently lie about my station when cornered (metaphorically, I'm a shut-in with a gate guy who gets me.)
I have no dreams. I don't even really crave oblivion anymore, it just has to change.
I can't keep going and I don't know how to get off and the tension in my head just pulls tighter and tighter until I incapacitate the thoughts until I wake up in another painful cold sweat.
Just a joke.
What the fuck am I uncertain about? Just do it.

>>38545031
How can you be certain that you can never get better? Can you see into the future? Stop being certain. You not being able to see a way out is very related to being certain. It's a circle.

>>38544626
A lot of people around me have narrow and boring tastes, lack self awareness. They can't see how their choices could possibly have led them to where they are, and rather think that somehow the world is out to get them

>>38545369
>tfw tried to make friends with them for the last 30 years
>they never like me
>tfw don't enjoy spending time with them to begin with but they're all that's around

>>38544990

Go ahead!

Guys, don't let people wait like that, talk to each other. I'm mostly off now.

>>38544378
To hell with zebras, those smug fucks

>>38542384

I have schizoid PD
I have very few desires. I do not feel loneliness. I cannot feel anger as well. My emotions are like 20% of a normal person's.

With no loneliness, I do not seek friendship. With no emotions, I have no motivation to better myself in any way. With no sexual desires, I do not seek romance.

I'm khv neet rotting away and I feel HAPPY, which is fucked up because I know I can't sustain this. I don't want to be on my deathbed and regret all this, but my brain can't muster the will to get better.

>>38545626
You get it. Sorry.

>>38544990
I used to want to have people to talk to; I can carry a conversation, even if I can't promise sincerity, since I'm not sure what that feels like anymore.
I can try and fake it pretty well. What's on your mind?

>>38544870

I don't have time right now, but I will get back to you. We talked before.

>>38545176
Everything started somewhere but that doesn't mean causality is an illusion.
The only thing I'm certain of is that I'm incapable, unwilling, lack the energy. A road out may indeed exist but I can't get there from here, as they say.
What brings you to the thread? (If you don't mind my asking.) I'm relatively new here and I don't know if you're a "reg" or stopping in.

>>38545726
Sure, thanks again for doing this. I don't know what exactly drives you or why exactly I think it's accomplishing such tangible things; but in any case, I think it's a cool thing you do.
I hope you feel better soon. I've constantly felt sick (stomach, head, poor int temp regulation, fatigue) my whole life, which makes me fairly certain it's "in my head" but that doesn't make me feel like any less of an invalid, I was born old.
Anyway, heres to it being something equally (theoretically) ephemeral, and you'll be back on that chipper swiss soapbox in no time.

>>38545757
You say it very well. Do you want to walk down that road? And I don't mean want as in want but do nothing. Ask yourself where does the road you're walking now lead. I asked myself that question and the answer was prison, mental asylum or the cemetery.

It's not about what you want. You only have two options.

>>38545757
As for what brings me here. I guess you could say I am a regular. I come here to help myself. To vent my sick thoughts otherwise they stay in my head and have no oposition. And maybe sometimes to offer perspective to others in a similar situation.

>>38545893
"Want" isn't the term that I'd use, though I fully recognize that the absence of a decision, or action, is often indistinguishable from a deliberate one.

You're right, of course you're right. I've been planning on my life ending in suicide since I was 12, though the 15 years in between may contradict that intention, it's the most comforting thought I've ever had. One day, when I'm done, maybe this will be too. Really "happy" timelines were never on the menu.

I've never had a long-term plan, because surviving with the least pain until I make my French exit doesn't require one. I take some comfort in that I probably won't have anyone left to hurt or inconvenience once I'm gone.

I used to have a future, now I'm just stuck in an misanthropic, defeated, bizarrely hermitic, cynical rabbit hole that sickeningly feels cozier than anywhere in the world.

>>38545969
That's cool, in the way that morbid things are. The grass is always greener, my new friend, I wish my sick thoughts had no opposition in my head. It's like a chorus from a session of rowdy PMQs every time I make the mistake of letting a thought run for too long.

More importantly, it sounds like you've turned it around, at least a lot. Why? Just to do it out of morbid curiosity, or did you find a reason? What were the most acute costs to forcing yourself to finally fit, iyo?

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>catching up on yesterdays thread
>mfw nick was seething and trying to suppress his inner faggotry

>>38546158
Suicide ideation is one hell of a drug. The question is as I said. What you want. And also you have to realize that there are options. Do you really want to kill yourself even if you can live a happy life? The choice is there. Sorry for being coarse. I'm on mobile.

As for the other part. My improvement is still work in progress. What made me want to change was simple. I don't want to feel like shit anymore.

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>>38546216
Are you ready for another "diagnose parents of people you met on the internet with narcissism" thread?

Glad to wake up and see this thread still up. Gonna make that chess account now.

Requesting a piano Pepe and chess Pepe is anyone has that

>>38546499
I can't stop laughing hahahaa

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>>38546536
I doat noe aney pyanose or chest bat hab yu sine mi fwen weskers? He getted aut of his cheez hose

Guys, it's shower time, then McDonald's time, then I'll be here.

I'll try to catch up, if possible.

See you later.

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>>38546697
>it's shower time
>tfw will never shower with nickole

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>>38546813
Why mourn Nicole when you can become Nicole?

Im back at the hospital now and i met with a new doctor last week because my regular psychiatrist was off. He thinks im bipolar because I had 4 hypomanic episodes on my first ssri. My actual psychiatrist thinks im just depressed and is sending me to a big mental institute to test her theory. Do you think im bipolar or just depressed?

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Hey,

Serious question here. What are your qualifications to help or are you just doing your best with your own knowledge?

>>38546938
It's all guesswork, the guy doesn't have any background in psychology/psychiatry whatsoever. You might as well ask a grocery store clerk to fix your problems.

>>38546938
There's a reason he gets called "armchair psychologist" every other thread.

>>38546879
The way I see it. Testing the theory can only help you. Of course I don't know what you really have.

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>>38546966
haha I was wondering about this, as a psychology graduate who has himself undergone therapy I feel maybe I should try doing threads like these again.

I do still think there is great value in just having someone to talk to though.

>>38546938
It doesn't matter. It's not only Nick talking to people. This more like a group therapy where people can talk about their problems.

>>38546999
Wrong picture, it was meant to say Anti-depressants but no big deal I guess,.

>>38546938
Google.com
this nigga don't know shit I tell ya

>>38547002
meanwhile
>138 replies
>25 posters
>5 or more of which are trolls
>4 or 5 are people asking for help
>the rest are tripfags that have been here forever talking about trivial bullshit or jerking eachother off
Whatever you say brew

>>38546938
It doesn't really help. It's just all about having someone to talk to. He offers suggestions at best, but most of it is concluding the people in your life are narcissists

>>38547050
New people come and become tripfags. Some people leave. It's not how you put it.

>>38546977
Thanks dan. I dont know why but i kinda want it to be bipolar. Maybe itll ne fun being hypomanic once more

people in your lives aren't the problem. you are.
always remember that.

I feel so... emotionless. No more depression since i got off of prozac. I just feel like a walking robot. Not disconnected from the world but disconnected from my emotions. The only thing i can do now is laugh sometimes whenever someone notices something weird with me. What is this a sign of?

>>38547353
sounds like you still have depression, mate

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>>38546694
I lek iour frwen weskers. Cans you blease be my frwen? I need huggo

>>38547749
did you feel emotionless while on prozac?

>>38547874
Not that Anon but that sums it up.
I still intellectually process emotions but I can't feel.
>>38546472
I'm almost on bored with the presupposition that I must want something as evidenced by my presence in life, and even here.
I don't want anything, I don't think. I just want it to hurt less, basically as you said.
I can operate some days, but this doesn't just end, there is no me who doesn't feel like shit.
>>38546499
I would contend that ending up regularly posting here and having narcissistic parents are strongly correlated. Haven't done a sample of any sort, but I'd bet on it.
>>38546536
If we're close to in the same league I'll play some chess with you.
Current elos are ~1580 bullet, 1350 blitz, 1190 standard/stickaforkinme
Clearly, I'm better at clicking buttons than chess, but it does quiet the noise and fury for a while.

>>38548452
I'm a failed champion. Play now?

unclemed
If anyone wants to add me

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oh it is one of those bottombitch narcissist diagnoses everybody with narcssism threads again ?

>>38548452
It can hurt less even without being suicidal. You need to get momentum. Start with doing something you want to do. Doing things will make you feel better.

>relationship recently ended
>probably becoming a narcotics addict
>can't tolerate being alone, always need someone to talk to or some kind of attention
>life isn't a mess, but it feels like it'll blow up soon
>only people i befriend need "saving" and are emotionally taxing

my mental health was worse two years ago, now my brain is mostly fog-free, but i keep making poor decisions and stuff

I'm back with fat food.

>>38549073

I see derealisation, potential Borderline type of attachment (dependent) and "helper" as well. You may feel like you only deserve friends if you can do something for them (help them).

Read and report back.

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/personality-disorders/borderline-personality-disorder.htm

If anyone wants me to respond to something that was posted before, let me know.

I'm not going to catch up if the poster is no longer around.

I'm still around for chess.

>>38549352

Then get it on, baby. Have you added me?

>>38549352

What's your chess name?

It's a really sweet website. You'll excuse me if I have to be slow sometimes, multitasking and eating.

>>38549359
Yes bb. Give me 20 min and it's on. If I win I get to make a reasonable request. If you win you get the same. not sure what I can do, I could give a rare Pepe or something.

>>38549294
i'm actually dx'd BPD, but never considered myself to be dependent before. overly reliant on one person and based my self-worth on their opinion of me, but i never ran from one person to the next. it feels kind of bad, because i'm not consistent with people anymore either. it feels like i can be really understanding and nice one moment, and later i just have zero feelings for the person at all, romantic, platonic, care, whatever, etc. just wish they'd go away and leave me the fuck alone

>>38549396

I don't expect to win, so you can already state your questest.

I aim for an honorable defeat.

>>38549401
>i'm actually dx'd BPD

I was thinking of it from what you said.

>>38549401
>and later i just have zero feelings for the person at all, romantic, platonic, care, whatever, etc

I have a personal interest in this, as I have been on the other side of that one; one of the most painful experiences of my existence.

Do things switch gradually for you or suddenly? Do certain events trigger the change?

Do you sometimes remember things in ways that didn't happen? (Or that people told you were different.)

I have found out something that might interest you alot

>>38549437
i can't imagine being on the receiving end of it at all, which is a horribly selfish feeling since i'm the person doing it... most of the time

i'm not sure, it's sort of an automatic on and off switch. i can feel like i like the person a lot one moment, and then the next everything about them goes completely cold. they could be crying, begging for my attention, threatening to kill themselves, and if i don't care i just don't. even when i know i'm going to regret it in the future, i just don't care. sometimes i can muster up a bit of effort to feign feelings, but i feel like it's very forced.

certain events... i'm not sure. i don't like big emotional outbursts or sometimes if the person acts overly attached, possibly, but i'm not sure if this results in me not caring anymore or if my feelings go cold and then i realize their feelings are "overwhelming".

i don't remember most things, and can't hold emotions very well. it used to be a combination of me getting over things really quickly + rapid mood swings + bad memories, but now throw a benzo addiction in the mix and now i feel like i can't really remember things

>>38549550

Go ahead.

>>38549553
>i can't imagine being on the receiving end of it

Lucky you. I can't even get into details of what was done to me. It made little sense and was just pure pain.

If you're comparable to the person I'm thinking of, there may be reasons for those changes, but you may not be aware of them. Connections that aren't made consciously, which explain why you don't understand how things change, or why.

>>38549553
>i don't remember most things,

Memory issues would be something you both have in common.

>>38549614
>Connections that aren't made consciously, which explain why you don't understand how things change, or why.

do you know what was the reason for the person you knew? i'm pretty sure it's not out of no where, but i'm not sure what it is. people have described it as general defectiveness, and told me not to get close to anyone else to not "ruin" anyone else, but i don't like being alone. it helps if i don't get emotionally close to the person and keep a casual friendship with them, but people always end up wanting more than i can give or feeling overly attached. when i tell them they should leave because i'm a shitty person, they refuse to leave. they think they're special and i won't hurt them, or they tell me they don't care and they know i care deep down inside. i'm not sure why they think they know me better than i do, but probably just arrogance. i don't really want to get close to anyone else, not only because i always end up hurting them but also because too much exposure to people, their feelings, and their expectations of me always end up being too much for me to handle anyway

>>38549614
What do you mean go ahead?

>>38549185
post your fat cock you whore

>>38549359
>Then get it on, baby.
>madmen
Nick confirmed homo

>>38549894
Nick is indeed proven cocklusting homo

>>38549756
>do you know what was the reason for the person you knew?

My current model is clearly denial and repression. She will remember certain things a certain way to facilitate a certain point of view.

The way this works, in my understanding, is that she feels something, and tries to adapt her reality to her feelings. If she hates me for a mysterious reason, she will twist everything to make me sound like a demon, and this includes memories of things that never happened. I've discussed this with her and managed to break down some defenses, but holy shit did it cost me.

>>38549756
>if i don't get emotionally close to the person and keep a casual friendship with them, but people always end up wanting more than i can give or feeling overly attached.

It's possible you don't read them too well and don't realise they're asking you, subtly, if you're interested in more, and you say yes without realising.

>i'm not sure why they think they know me better than i do, but probably just arrogance.

Because telling them you'll hurt them makes them think you care about them. It's logical. They can't guess that you'd rather not hurt them so they don't bother you. If they believed that, they'd drop your ass faster than lightning. It's unusual to face that sort of explanation, it may just make them intrigued. I don't fully understand why you don't just avoid them completely, but probably your wish not to be alone, also shared by my person.

Oddly enough, your name is almost the code name I used for her.

Call yourself Y and it'll be pretty cool. I refer to her as X.

>>38549791

You said you had something interesting to share, go ahead.

>>38549928
I have a problem, nick... you see... my dick?

>>38549942
Ohhh yeah about that interesting thing. I found out you were a bottombitch.

>>38549942
Are you excited by the good news?

>>38549992
That one actually made me laugh

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>>38549992
HAHAHAHA NICK BTFO
YOU'RE OUR BITCH NOW BUDDYBOY SUBMIT TO US

im geting drunk so i will post something.
Im 25 years old and im in fear of other people. I hate to be alone in public place. I can get some shit done but its must be really important. Fear of other people is good word, but does not reflect the situation, when i sometimes go out with my junkie friend(my only friend, who is really pain in the ass) or go to buy some shit, i meet my old friend's, and it's not like im afraid of them might do some think to me, no it's not like that i just don't know how to talk with them. This shit is geting so much control over my body and mind that i rarely talk with my online friend's, friend's that i realy like, and want to talk with them.

>>38549928
kind of a dumb question, but what mental illnesses was your person dx'd with?

i know exactly what they're asking for, and in the moment, i don't mind or i try to play dumb without saying no. poor decisions that i make to avoid being alone

>>38550098

Are you scared to say dumb things?

Were you scared of your parents as a child?

>>38550115
>kind of a dumb question, but what mental illnesses was your person dx'd with?

Oh boy, she never went to a therapist. I'm the only she ever opened up to that much, because we have things in common, more than I knew at the time.

Diagnoses for her or other people in this thread usually fall under the C-PTSD deal, with varying degrees of the same stuff: Borderline, some PTSD, and various defense mechanisms not necessarily related to a specific conditions.

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>>38550150
>Were you scared of your parents as a child?
>inb4 his parents are narcissists
wait for it bois

Medman, you traitor, are you ready to play?

>>38550150
did you know her for a long time? what good things did you see in her despite her behavior? i'm guessing you were romantically involved?

i'm not really emotionally unstable/"crazy"/angry anymore, just unable to make and maintain normal relationships/friendships

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>>38550178
waiting for that red pill boyy
>>38550179
Nobody wants to play with you bottomboy

>>38550259
>did you know her for a long time?

Years.

>>38550259
>what good things did you see in her despite her behavior?

Everything. Her behaviour was not like that before.

> i'm guessing you were romantically involved?

Yes.

>>38550292
what is she now

>>38550179
Yeah, just challenged you.

>>38550382

What is she?

I may not disclose too much info, for obvious reasons.

>>38550150
Sometime yes, but often i just don't know what to say, how to star conversation and shit.

My father is alkoholic, when i was little(like 6-7) i remember 2 things once me, my mother and my older brother were at our neighbors home. It was quite late, i remeber that my father come to them, he was really drunk, he was looking for us, out neighbors hide us in room, it was really dark in there, my father was yelling something, that i can remeber about that. And the second thing i can remember whas at out hause. My father came drunk late at night, i was still awake, my mother don't want me to see him in that state so she locked me in room, they start to argue about something. Then they star to yell at each other. I was crying alone in dark room.

So i think i was scared of my father as a child.

>>38550409
yes, what

is she still alive, her purpose, her motivation, her life. you don't have to disclose specifics

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I'm pretty sure I have autism, I'm 22 and still can't talk to people for anything. It's not a meme stuttering anxiety kind of thing I genuinely blank out 100% when someone even attempts interaction with me and default to just noises and occasionally quick one word responses, so I mostly just stay silent. It's bad enough to where when I was in high school even teachers would joke and nicknamed me silent. There's genuinely only 3 people I can hold a conversation with without completely spazzing out in someway, my parents and a "friend" from high school who was stubborn and forced himself to work with me everyday because it we grew up in a tiny ass town and I was the only one he could talk about video games with, but every since we've started college he's been distancing himself from me because despite knowing each other for years I still find it hard to hold a conversation in person with him. I'm not really sure what the point of this post is I'm sure that most people will just tell me to practice talking more but that doesn't work for me at all, I'm in uni (nearly done with it actually) and I try to force myself to interact with people in classes but if anything it just makes things worse since I always fuck up and in my mind it just reinforces how much I can't do anything right.

>>38550496

Kids with scary parents tend to fear people in general. I relate to that. Your parents are the first adults you interact with, and for years. You model your world after them.

>>38550539

She's still alive. Not sure about the rest.

>>38550646
This can be true, but almost every one in my family was trying to give me and my brother as much love as they can. My mother was working as hard she can to give my and my brother kind of normal life. I can't belive that one asshole can ruin someone's life.

>>38550638

Holy shit... Any clue as to what made you so disturbed?

"Name" isn't good enough, you are now Silent.

>>38550789
>every one in my family was trying to give me and my brother as much love as they can.

Yeah, I know. I could say the same, it's just that some people's idea of loving and trying is really fucked up.

>>38550789
>I can't belive that one asshole can ruin someone's life.

Ask Chester about it.

>>38550792
No the only thing I can think is that I was a relatively quite kid and I was heavily bullied so over time I just kind of started avoiding people and that I grew up in a tiny backwoods town so I didn't have a very large circle of people to interact with to begin with there was also that my parents were very hands off and gave me unrestricted internet access so I started getting my social interaction almost exclusively through the internet from a young age and they never did anything to stop it or push me towards getting real friends. I remember the few times I brought it up with them that I didn't really have friends and was being bullied it was always just dismissed and I was told to stop being a pussy.

>>38550927
Holy shit are you me? Every time I fought back I was punished more than the bullies, fuck school.

>>38543439
>>38543464
Sometimes there's a reason, but I thend to overreact to that reason and then the reason itself isn't the reason why i am feeling like that, but rather me bashing myself.

Not sure if you got me

>>38550991
fuck i forgot the name

>>38550991
>Not sure if you got me

I do. Breaches allow for other problems to come pushing through. A lot of stored emotions will make this happen.

>>38550846
Really,almost everyone in my family was trying to give me a piece of normal life. I spent many vacation's away from home. Countless weekend at my aunt's home. They really want us(me and my brother) to grow up to good man.
They never yelled at us. They wasn't spoilng us, they was giving us normal life. So i will always say thath they cared about us.

>>38551026
>stored emotions
I think that's my problem.

Medbro, did you get disconnected?

>>38551080

Connect emotions to causes and reasons, and process them. Don't repress, it will never help.

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>tfw will never crossdress nick and humiliate him with my alpha cock

>>38551101
No I'm here. I gave up on the 2nd game.

>>38551138

I am not sure at all I was going to win it.

>>38551152
Maybe? My chess coaches always told me to play on, but I usually give up if I don't like my position.

>>38551176

Yeah, play on, also for my sake, man! I get no satisfaction winning this way. I don't feel like I won.

LO does the same thing. Fuckers.

Why give up because of position? Make the best of it, that's what matters.

>>38551228
I'll play on for your sake then. New challenge is accepted

>>38551259

It's also for yours.

Everyone's dead up in this bitch.

Hey nick. Could you tell me why ive been feeling so emotionless and flat all of a sudden? Ive stopped prozac and increased abilify. Could these be the reasons or is it part of some disorder?

>>38551634

What's the reason why you took those?

Suspicious.

Did you disappear Meds?

It's a learning process for me. Sorry. Id like to keep chating and playing if you have the patience

>>38551916

I do. Stop assuming I'm mad, I'm not!

>>38551895
No, you resigned. I don't plan to disappear anytime soon

>>38551939

Yeah, of course I resigned! I only had a king left, dude!

Besides, if choosing a rook over a queen wasn't sign that you were going to own this already, I don't know what would be...

Chess players have you ever sacrificed queens to throw off your opponent?

>>38552000

No. Not me. I lose my women by accident only.

>start feeling (what I now understand to be) depressed at around 15 and try to drop out of school
>Just stop going and avoid all tests
>Eventually my dad is called in to the school and convinced them to let me take the tests later
>Become increasingly depressed so I stop exercising
>Never had a close friend or any relationship outside of school, never really had the desire to pursue one
>Graduate and become a shut-in, getting rid of all connection to anybody
>Convinced I'm going to live as a shut-in until I kill myself
>Eat junk food every day and turn from the fittest kid at school into an obese mess that can't get up without breathing heavy
>Start to become more entrenched in this lifestyle and now binge drinking / binge eating every couple days until I would throw up
>Now living in my dad's garage, my entire life is lurking /r9k/, masturbating and watching gore
>Reality becomes less real and everything is hazy
>I can barely remember anything from ages 17-21 as a shut-in since everything is mostly a blur
>Eventually start going out at nights for long walks
>Start breaking into construction sites and climbing buildings and cranes for fun
>Everything felt like a dream when I got home
>Get the idea that I should start killing things
>Start walking around at night looking for dogs or cats to stomp
>Was more difficult than I thought but I found one cat wandering one night that came up to me
>I pet it for a few minutes then when stood up to stomp it, it ran off and the owner was right around the corner which I didn't realize
>at that time I was completely apathetic towards anything
>choked myself, beat myself, burned myself and kept a noose in my garage just in case
>I would go weeks without showering, literally moldy cum was on my shirt and I would go to the store like that
>Again, I barely even remember going to the store by the time I got home
>Eventually my dad gets sick of me and kicks me out
>I don't feel anything
>Move in with mom for a while

>>38552043
>Eventually get kicked out by mom and move back with my dad
>start drinking more and more often
>back to old routine
>One night I get really drunk and take a steak knife to my arms and face
>Thought I was going to die from alcohol posioning
>Stumble inside and tell my dad to call an ambulance
>Ambulance comes and I can't talk to anyone
>they think something's wrong with me so they send me to the psych area
>Talk to the psych and tell them what I've been doing
>They think I have developing schizophrenia even though I don't hear voices or have delusions
>Spend some time in the ward
>Leave the ward and go back to old life except now I'm cutting all of my face and arms
>End up getting drunk one night and cutting my face all up then going out
>Completely apathetic to anything
>My dad calls me and I'm out behind a dumpster, pretty much passed out
>Tells me to come home so I make my way home and there's an ambulance there
>They take me to hospital and stitch up my face
>Avoid the ward since I already have psychologist case workers
>Few weeks go by and I'm still doing this
>Cut my face up again, pass out, walk to hospital for stitches
>Psych ward this time
>After a weeks I get a psychotherapist and a diagnosis of basically OCD/Depression but nothing conclusive
>Shes fucking useless at doing anything
>Can't talk about what I've really done or what I think
>Just focus on some mindfulness garbage to handle my OCD during the day
>Stop going to her
>Enrol in the course at uni and start going
>1.5 years later and I've done two courses and now going for a bachelor's in something
>during this time I pretty much just exercised and did my study and made it through
>Still no desire for relationships and though I'm not truly depressed anymore, what's stuck with me is the desire to kill others
>Really fucking hate people and normal belief
>Whenever I talk to people i can fake normal interaction but I just think about murdering them

>>38552000
Yes. Queen sacrifices are important sometimes. But with any sacrifice you need to weigh in the pros and cons

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>>38552000
I have. On purpose h-haha they didn't know what to do after falling for my devilish scheme

>>38552098
>I definitely have emotions like guilt so I'm not a sociopath or anything but I just can't stop thinking violent thoughts and having the desire to hurt others
>I still binge eat and drink sometimes but it doesn't really interfere with life
>I tend to go on long rants to myself about political issues now and it's awkward because I may not be fully aware that I'm talking to myself
>Everything seems to be on track except I can't get over my hatred for everyone
I just want some kind of accurate diagnosis and analysis. I couldn't get one from my psychs who would always never be clear with me.

I obviously can't tell all this to any psych and there's some parts I've omitted even here.

>>38552124
Make a lichess account and come jerk off with me and nick

>>38552140
Oh and I was prescribed desvenflaxine and ability as well as something else though the anti-psychotics didn't have any effect except giving me constij migraines. I don't think I'm psychotic.

>>38552176
I would but I wouldn't have fun since I'm such a bigtime chess baron

>>38552043
>Reality becomes less real and everything is hazy

Derealisation.

Jesus Christ, read the rest, holy fuck, Anon.

>>38552202
Elo? What's your rating

Tried to kill myself back in March. Almost died. Spent a while in the ICU and then the psych hospital. Was discharged to a residential facility afterwards. Spent about a week there before leaving. Couldn't handle having to be around other people 24/7. Went back home after that and pretended that nothing ever happened. Parents and brother did the same. Around that time my aunt had a major stroke. It left her unable to speak and paralyzed the right side of her body. All of the family was preoccupied with that, understandably so. We all had shifts at the hospital so that my aunt was never alone. She's since stabilized and was discharged a couple weeks ago. Now I'm back home again, alone with my thoughts. I never processed the suicide attempt. I just ignored it. All of the feelings surrounding it are hitting me now. I don't know why I'm still here. I should've died. Why didn't I die? I don't belong here. I feel so lost. I just drift through days in a fog. Everyone seems to think I'm ok. They all expect me to go back to living my life as usual. I can't do it. I think I might just walk in front of the train.

>>38552224
Total arse. 1219 or something like that. It's just not really my game.

>>38551854
Depression and attenuated psychosis

Do you think it could be my psychosis becoming schizophrenia? Or is it a part of depression?

>>38552043
>>38552098
>>38552140
>>38552188
That sounds hard as fuck dude.

I hope everything works out for you in the end

>>38552263
The way you worded it made it seem like the total opposite

>>38552354
Yes I know, I was making a joke.

>>38552124

Vampire Hunter D is amazing. Now I'm not sure which version I saw, but the badass one with Gothic space rocket.

>>38552401
Never watched it. I played the PS1 game having never seen nor hear of anime and it absolutely blew my mind.

>>38552140

It could be a good number of things, but antisocial disorder seems the most obvious.

Read about it and tell me if it fits.

Bit funny you mentioned ego at one point. Was talking to a psychologist a few weeks ago and she mentioned my ego problem on several occasions. Guess there must be some truth to that

What's your favorite anime psychprobsgeneral?

Bit of a feeling of dread tonight. Not sure what that's about.

>>38552472
It would be very difficult to pick just one, but I'll say Kaiji. I consider Shigurui to be very underrated.

>>38552526
It's the booz calling for you

>>38552235

Don't, stay with us. Read about derealisation and tell me if that fits the bill.

>>38552557
Could be, bucko. It'll be a month on Monday.

Do I get to make my reasonable request now. Since I won the first game

>>38552295

Altering the input to your brain will change things, one way or the other. I'd recommend waiting for a while to see how things stabilise.

The problem with meds is that the brain will counter whatever imbalance you give it, so in time, some meds become useless.

What's an attenuated psychosis exactly?

>>38552354

That was irony.

>>38552418

Do watch it. The art is fucking awesome.

>>38552586
Wow. Already. You're inspiring me to attempt to stop caffinee. Headaches are gonna be a bitch and will need distractions.

>>38552472

Evangelion, series and film. No contest.

GTO is a close second but completely different category.

Also liked Attack on Titan.

I can't do anything right, so what's the point in even trying new things? I haven't done a single thing I'm proud of, and I've just let people drift in and out of my life. I can't be honest anywhere but 4chan, and even then I'm not always 100% truthful. I merely fake having a personality and I know I'll die alone and friendless.

I just feel so guilty over complaining when I have things in my life that others don't. I need to feel bad. I've come to the conclusion that I'm incapable of helping myself and I'm only getting worse. I need you guys to call me a normie faggot with non-issues and that I should just leave. If I can't help myself or help other people in this thread then I don't deserve your help. You guys are too good for me.

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>>38552611
Can't always tell when to iron and when serious

>>38552621
Caffeine is no joke. I went one day without my morning coffee and I just didn't wake up. Foggy head the entire day. Good luck to you if you go for it.

>>38552566
I don't think it's derealization. I can take in information from the world around me, it just doesn't stick. I forget everything. Overall it just feels like I'm going through the motions. Almost like I'm a placeholder for the "real me".

>>38552662
Tips? That's just a long term goal though. From what I've heard lots of water helps. Would also like to stop with the stimulants overall as well. Need substitutes though.

>>38552593

Ahaha, sure. Though I won more games than you did, right? ;)

>>38552652

Your issues matter. If they cause you pain, they're important and serioues. It doesn't matter how.

Don't be so harsh on yourself, it won't help.

>>38552627
Here's a factette for you: the mangaka based all the characters on his school bullies and put them into unflattering situations where they'd be hurt and killed so that the whole world would see. The titans/ kyojin are mostly based on Hollywood celebrities.

>>38552734
Water for sure, and do what you can to naturally improve your energy levels, get enough sleep and so on. If you're like me and use chemicals to get to sleep then different chemicals to wake up, it'll be a big adjustment.

>>38552757
Yes, but it's a rather small sample.
Don't mean to be one of the people bitching about the lack of comments on their test results, but I'd appreciate if you go back to thread 99 and take a look again. Not asking for comments but to give me something of a short synopsis/profile.

>>38552696

Derealisation rarely comes alone.

It sounds a lot like what you describe, though, a whole lot. I've had it ever since I was 10, though not continuously, thankfully.

>>38552627
I read GTO but really, it's too lewd to me. I don't like ecchi. There's a manga - SunKen Rock - about organised crime in Korea. A lot of fun, great art style but loads of sex and lewd angles all the time. Really wish it was just clean as it limited my enjoyment of it. Especially since I tend to read manga on my phone on the bus.

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THE CUNT IS ONLINE ON HER STUPID SOCAL NERWORK AND STILL HASNT RESPONDED TO MY TEXTS

REEEE

>>38552908
>I read GTO but really, it's too lewd to me.

I watched it. Some great ending credit songs. No lewd stuff except a snake bite on the dick, but not explicit.

No clue what ecchi is.

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>>38552825
Holy shit. Anymore knowledge bombs like this?

>>38546957
>>38546966
>>38547002
I suspected as much.

Psychologistfag here, only just recently got my license. It's nice of Nick-kun to offer people in need someone to talk to. Some of you are really reaching out, and your pain is obvious to anyone with a smidge of empathy.

However, this sort of online/asymmetric communication has the potential of making things worse in a number of ways, ranging from outright bad advice on how to cope with your illness to not trusting your primary health care giver or even stopping your medication. I'm not saying this has happened or that Nick-kun would be to blame, all I want to communicate is that 4cheng is a pretty shitty place for these kinds of questions. I would urge you to take everything in this thread with a huge grain of salt.

If you're not getting the right care, I seriously hope that you'll find the courage of asking for it. You can turn this around gyze.

Regards
T. Skinner

>>38552879
Am I just in denial about it? I've been diagnosed with MDD, PTSD, & anxiety. Derealization is definitely within the realm of possibilities. I hate feeling this way. It seems like there's no fix. I've been in treatment for 7 years. I've taken a myriad of pills, done all kinds of therapy, I've even done ECT. I'm just utterly hopeless at this point.

>>38552597
Attenuated psychosis is psychosis but the symptoms arent as strong, so you still have some insight

>>38552980
>I suspected as much.

Well, if you didn't figure out that these guys are trolls and nothing they said has any basis in reality, I'm fairly concerned about your license, but I don't believe you have one.

One thing I always do is push people to get a therapist if they can. Not everyone can, usually because of financial situations.

If you gave a shit, you'd stick around and actually help.

Probably just one of the trolls who can spell. It's not like anyone is ever going to bring an instance of me giving "bad advice", or it would have happened by now.

>>38552792
>Don't be so harsh on yourself
It's entirely deserved though. I've been given so much opportunity and I've accomplished nothing. I could have been in a nice job/internship straight out of college trying to actually work for something I believe in, but I wasted that chance and now I'm just an unemployed leech who can't find a job. Every friend I've had has come out worse for knowing me, and all but one have rightfully drifted away. I'm just an anchor that holds everyone down. Although my friend seems to want to talk all the time, I can hear nothing but pity in his voice. Whether I'm just imagining the pity or not is of no consequence. He has his own issues, and I'm sure I was the one who fucked him up just by being in the proximity. I just don't have the heart to ghost my last friend for his own good.

Medman, one thing that strikes me in your results from thread 99 is your very high level of stress. Do you feel it at all? Because I have the impression that you don't.

Dark triad-wise, you're in the darker part of things but less than many where, so that's a good thing.

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>>38552959
Ecchi is basically fanservice. Softcore, panty shots, tit bounces etc. Overtly sexualised art intended to titillate.

>>38552964
I'll have to think on it. Off the top of my head:
>Kishibe Rohan from JoJo Pt 4: Diamond is Unbreakable is a self-insert for the mangaka, Araki
>Araki once drew Naruto with blowjob lips
>Fukumoto, of such (mostly)robot works as Akagi, Kaiji, Ten and Strongest Man Kurosawa has a dakimakura (body pillow for non-weebs) of his own character Coldsteel husbando, Akagi

>>38553019
>Am I just in denial about it?

After a long time, you no longer know what normalcy felt like.

To do some progress here, we'll have to figure out the source of all this.

Any obvious clue?

Can someone post the link to the dark personality test?

I have a few issues that I think might be concerning enough that I should ask a doctor about those.
But I don't want to, what do I do I am hurting myself and almost badly hurting myself and holding myself back is hard. I don't want to be put in a mental ward or something

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>>38553196
>Ecchi is basically fanservice. Softcore, panty shots, tit bounces etc. Overtly sexualised art intended to titillate.

Not much of that in the tv series.

>>38553145
>It's entirely deserved though.

No, probably not.

Way too harsh. You do what you can, you know?

>>38553223
http://www.celebritytypes.com/dark-triad/test.php

>>38553230

Just do it.

Guys, I'm off.

>>38552980
How do I find a psychologist to talk to about my problems?

hi everyone! i'm new to this, so i'll do my best not to be too weird about shit
>long story short, schizo tendencies. no one has ever confirmed it to me, but therapists have heavily implied that i show a significant portion of the symptoms.
>paranoia, voices, images, hallucinations, etc
>i have also heard my mother discuss it with my grandmother behind closed doors, stating outright that i am schizo affective as an explanation for the peculiar behavior of that day
>confronted her about it, she denied it. still puzzled as to why no one will tell me anything.
served my stint in a behavioral health facility, due to one failed suicide attempt and consequential breakdown (i refused placement in the state hospital 3 hrs away), and spent my time jumping through their hoops to get home

aside from your run of the mill depression/anxiety/"BPD" (doesn't seem like a real disorder, seems like lil bitch syndrome to me) value package, i don't know much else about what is on record. guess i should have asked.

now, my main deal is the voices and hallucinations. thing is, ever since i have gotten into a relationship and set the gears of life in motion, i have been dealing with them less.
>terrified of them returning, and ruining my relationship
>not currently in therapy, no insurance or money to receive treatment
>feelings of disgust and resent for myself are rekindling at the implication that i may very well drive the person i love away with a breakdown or something, which is just making it worse
>recent line the dude in my head has been dropping is, "You should be afraid."
>thx buddy

S.O.S.

>>38553182
>do you feel it at all
Not so much stress but anxiety. I don't really have too much to stress about really.
Also In my mind these tests serves just as a little idea of the person.
Also I'm drunk so if I disappear I'm passed out

>>38553254
I can't. I can't bring myself to.
My eyelids are burning and itching so badly I want to tear them off I want to scratch my skin until I bleed and I'm paranoid and emotionally unstable I don't know what to do

Comfy animes for a warm and comforting feeling:

>Mushishi
>Gugure Kokkuri-san
>Usagi Drop but never read the manga

>>38553374
Mushishi is very nice.
But one episode there terrifies me.

>>38553210
The core issue is definitely my abusive upbringing. I had this lightbulb moment a little while ago. I realized that all the self-loathing I have gets projected onto the world. I feel as though everyone hates me as much as I hate myself. I know it's not true, obviously. I can't shake the feeling though. Because of it I feel alienated, lost, and completely alone.

>>38553196
As far as anime goes, recently finished season 2 of attack on titan. And have watched death note. I'm very noob when it comes to that but open to reccomendations based off of that

>>38553254
>You do what you can
It just never seems to be enough. I should be able to do so much more.

Anyways, goodnight Nick. Thanks for trying to help.

>>38553419
Cowboy bebop
Space dendi
Jojo
Lain
Try these. I liked them.

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Lastly before bed, I would strongly encourage robots and psych-fags alike to read Strongest Man Kurosawa. It was intended to be stand-alone so read only up until the end of the first run. The second one about five years later is total shit and undermines the greatness of the original. It centres on an unremarkable, oafish workman with no special traits save for his anxiety and persecution complex. He is feeble, anxious but ultimately endearing. His journey isn't to save the world, he's living his life hamstrung my his own foibles every step of the way. His frequent retreats to the bathroom to get his anxiety in check are just too relatable, and I know that others will feel the same. Here, I'll even link it for you:

http://mangafox.me/manga/saikyou_densetsu_kurosawa/

For the anon who wanted trivia: Kurosawa appears in a cameo in the Kaiji S2 opening.

>>38553493
What did you think of the one with the guy and girl that are assassins? Opens with the guy not knowing where he is and who he is and can fight and such. And they fall in love. Think it was called phantoms?

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Almost forgot: Hey Atlas! Ever seen Man vs. Food? Today his challenge is to eat a Big Ugly Burger. Guess that means he has to eat you!

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>>38553536
Awesome thx for the info

>>38553536
Started reading it. THANK YOU. this was missing from my life

Anyone wanna talk? Little drunk and sent some message I might regret but fuck it all . 3:40 here. Need to go to bed soon

>>38553840
>>38554174
So pleased to see others enjoying it. Might repost next thread to get others in on it. One of the greats, without question.

>>38554781
Nah, one last post before sleep only I'm afraid. Read Kurosawa if you have nowt better to do though.

See:
>>38553536

>>38554805
Things are spinning a little. Not sure I can resd

>>38554781
what did the message say? dont do that while drunk

>>38555213
Which message? I sent a few lol

>>38555228
the one you regret

>>38555264
All of them I'll regret. One was to the gf and is also a cunt and phony. All of them were audio messages. Told her I want to give her hickeys on her stomach and legs and that she should call me and text me back. Cringey af considering I've sent way too manny messages before.
The other was to awuaintence saying how we connect well and should talk more. Which is true

>>38555390
>cunt and phony
and you are still with her because?

>>38555264
Are you just gonna leave me now :(

>>38555533
Cause I'm overexadarating a bit. And cause I'm a dependent cunt that fears rejection.
I mean fuck, I've tried ghosting her a few times but always end up giving in when she shows the slightest bit of attention and initiative

Seems like I don't have any real friends most of the time I'm fine with that. I'm not anti-social and I have a lot of acquaintances but, I'm a 3rd wheel, a background character.

How do I cope with being alone for the rest of my life?

>>38555615
Or therapist is no longer here

>>38555615
Don't know what to tell you. Come back tomorrow and you'll get help

>>38555594
doesnt sound healthy imo have you tried making more friends?

Having done some reading and taking a few shitty online tests, I suspect I might be borderline.
Is there any particularly good test anyone knows of that I can entertain myself with while I look into having myself properly looked at? Or, I don't know, whatever it is anyone has to say about BPD.

How do you know if what you're feeling at the moment is the way you're supposed to be, if you're constantly oscillating between two opposing view points or personalities?

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>>38556616
You choose orignaigielenl

>>38556725
I don't think it's that simple. I'm always going to prefer how I am in that moment, so my choice is always going to be changing. I need an objective metric for testing myself before I make decisions.

I'm having panic attacks for the last year and a half, and it slowly fucks with me.
I feel extremely disconnected from my body and everything feels like a movie as if I'm looking at a screen but I can't move my head away from it.
I also have depression and successfully improve myself if it is of any importance.

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Greetings. Going by format I've seen so far.

>Chronic anxiety
>Massive hypochondriac
>Think lesser of myself
>Teratophiliac
>Obsessed with distractions and occupied with unwillingness to accept reality

Apologies for the textual wall that is sure to come:

I've not been having a great time, for sure. I've got a big ol' hernia that's been quite a bother lately. I'm trying to book a physician swiftly but it's hard to find one when the only means to do so is medicaid. They just don't have a fondness for it, I suppose. A good few other pains and aches have been at me as well, but not like the hernia has. Won't even let me up to take a walk without some anguish. I take extracts of CBD daily to aid the anxiety, but it only goes so far. Much of the time I'm forced to seek out a distraction just so the mind's poisons would perish. I'm not sure what to make of it, as the traditional method of online research has failed me. If anyone has just a micron of advice, it would be most welcome.

>>38557099
Hey there. Seems like we are both staying late. What's a teratophiliac, might I ask?

>>38557851
>teratophiliac
"Someone who is sexually attracted to deformed and/or monstrous people. That is, someone who has a teratophilia."

>>38556863
btw my post forgot to change the name

>>38545626
>>38549317

Can you respond to my post? Thx man

>>38558009
Hm. Ate you attracted exclusively to that kind of person?

>>38558396
I feel ya. Felt like that a lot of the time, specially after my suicide attempt. As long as you're not hurting anybody, this is actually something you can take advatage of. Just get out there and do whatever, you probably won't get hurt (at least emotionally)

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>>38559490
I must stress that the poster you had replied to was not me.

While the previous anon has given a positively correct and forward definition, I must inform you that my definition of teratophilia is one of an attraction to solely monsters, and not monstrous people.

I would find myself attracted to the related image, rather than someone with a facial deformity.

>>38559613
Oh okay. I'm also guessing that, like coprophilia or paedophilia, it changes dpending on the person. This is really interesting to me, since it's the first time I've heard about it. Could you tell me more?

>>38542655
Are you demi?

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>>38559861
You are entirely correct about each individual possessing varying ideas of what is attractive to them. While I myself have a general interest in most monsters, I find that a have a certain dominant predilection for monsters with some sort of canid skull in place of a head, much like the attached image.

As to where this certain paraphilia stems from, your guess is as good as mine. Perhaps I just had a snap in some neurons. Perhaps I've been playing far too much DOOM. If you have any sort of knowledge of how to pinpoint where such attractions begin, I'm all ears.