Normie

>>38497239
Feels weird and people started thinking I'm mentally ill or something. Went back to been an introvert.

>>38497239
I went to this bar Joshua Tree in the city. With a coworker. Fucking shit was PACKED. Tried being social...then i had a panic attack and drank myself into oblivion.

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I've been trying to socialize more. Ever since I got benzos it actually helps me a lot, I usually take them when i'm ready to go talk to someone ontop of my normal meds the reason i've been a robot is because I go insane when I try to talk to people. Social anxiety + shcizo

I'm starting small, trying to make friends online, talking to old friends from school IRL that I already know.

>>38497381

the joshua tree is a cool tree tho

>>38497381
>Joshua Tree
Ayy, NY bro.

Yeah, I've made some attempts

>Went back to school
>Failed
>Went out with sister and her husband and their social circle
>Got into fist fight with one of the dudebros who started making fun of me because my social skills are shit
>Been lifting for 6 years and still not got a GF
>Applied for a few hundred jobs, never got call back
>Tried making internet friends, never works out

Good thing is I recently started seeing a psychologists 4 months ago and the two psychologist I'm seeing agreed that I should apply for autism bux so I'm in the process of doing that right now.

My parents don't want me "going out" anymore because I seem to always end up getting into fights because I guess people see me as an easy target or something because I have a beta personality, except I never back down and I autism-sperg out and fight them because it pisses me off a lot that they would insult me for no real good reason.

>>38497239
I went to an apartment party, they were playing cards against to humanity.

>omg lol im so going to hell for this xD chlidren and big black dildo.
>end up sperging out and dropping sex slave stories and talking about the serbian film to prove how mundane their cards were
>came off as a creep ofcourse

Yes, I became a normie for the first year of my college. It felt pretty good desu. Even got my first gf. But then i started fucking up and i guess my mind couldn't get go of the fuck ups and i dropped out and stopped being a normie. Also i started to realize i had to pretend to be someone i was not almost the entire day and something started eating myself from inside eventually. I'd rather be myself and stay a robot.

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>>38497395
>>38497395
I know my hat triggered the memory

I'm funny, witty maybe even charming. I can pretend to be normal and be popular. But that's only topical entertainment and shallow relationships, no real shared interests just witty bant at best. It has its moments but ultimately is still very lonely but now you're putting in a ton of energy for nothing.

>>38497239
I started to go out more, drinking and talking to people. Then I realised, that I fucking hate those people, and just talking to them was more draining than a 6-hour fap session.

>>38497481
Avoidant attachment style