>the suicidal thoughts are returning

>>38363698
>tfw I tried partial suspension hanging earlier but chickened out right before starting to black out

Maybe next time

Don't do it go- I mean Anon, you're a wonderful person with a lot of opportunities ahead of you, suicide is never the answer :^)

>implying they left

>>38364831
I guess you're right. They never really left; I was just able to ignore them. How long are we supposed to suffer like this? This world isn't for me. I feel like a complete outcast from everyone.

>>38364831
this, honestly. i can't remember a time where i haven't wanted to not kill myself

File: 7c70ab35924b23b5becd04710982bc083655aa124a0dd52dd7b318539db0867c.jpg (80KB, 894x894px) Image search: [Google]

80KB, 894x894px

>life improves more than I ever really hoped it would
>still legitimately want to die

>>38363698
Have you tried taking any meds?

probably not original

happens to me whenever I move back to my parents. And it is severely enhanced by drug abuse

There can't possibly be anything after you die, right? I imagine it's like you don't exist. What's the point in living if your life is destined to non-existence in any case?

I'd use a gun, but I live with my family and don't have the money. I'm not sure how you'd get one in secret or at all.

>>38364869
No. I'd rather not be more of a zombie than I already am. Not to mention being on a government list for the rest of my life.

>>38364884
Gun is the way I'd go if I ever do go past the point of no return. Drive out to the middle of nowhere so that my family doesn't see me. Turn off the car. Say a little prayer. Put shotgun in mouth, aiming for the soft part at the back of the roof of your mouth. Instant death.

>>38364917
What your describing is far too gruesome for me, and what if you survive? I'd rather just use a small handgun. I don't see how I could legally get one without anyone knowing.

>>38364956
Who cares how gruesome it is? You'd be dead. And trust me. If you used a shotgun, you would NOT survive unless you flinched or something. Shotgun suicides have a success rate of 95% for a reason. A small handgun has a greater chance of survival, with a success rate of 50%. If you choose the gun route, go shotgun or nothing. You want to completely obliterate your brain and brain stem. Not narrowly graze them and become a vegetable.

>>38365008
For me, it isn't about it being gruesome - but imagine the absolutely strange thoughts and feelings you'd have in the seconds after obliterating parts of your brain. Your state of consciousness will vary, depending on which parts you hit (which by itself is fascinating, you can guess how it could effect you from neurological case studies). I wouldn't like to take chances, though. Might be much more frightening than living life... Like a bad trip, but you know it's real.

>>38365102
Oh, and to OP: one way to give up the fight is to kill yourself. Another would be to get help IRL. I suggest you do the second. Where do you live?

>>38364888
Meds won't zombify you. You're depressed, not a schizophrenic [sorry, schizos]. They'll actually clear up the mental fog if they work for you, and that's roughly a fifty-fifty chance.

>>38365143
United States. But like I said, I don't want help. "Help" only leads to medication and being on a list for the rest of my life.

>>38365199
See above.

>>38365213
Okay. So there exists a list with all people who saw a therapist? Really? You could get the prescription from a GP, if that's your concern. A therapist would be advantageous, of course.
I get your fear of stigma, though. Just be realistic about it.
Second, why are you opposed to medication?

>>38365288
Bonus advice: since you're in the US and your healthcare is completely fucked (I suppose you're not rich), just order some Citalopram online, sidestepping stigma and monetary concerns. Research dosage and risks. If you feel better after two to four weeks, look for a self-help group in your area to counter feeling of isolation and as a relapse prophylaxis. I think you're not lost completely, you reached out here; now you get advice from a psychiatrist. Deal with it.

>>38363698
eveyone thinks about suicide

you aren't special

stop making threads for attention

>>38366345
sorry this was rude but everyone experiences depression