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> Be me years ago, couple of days before sophomore year of college starts
> Get call from friend asking to help him and his family move furniture into his new place near me
> Show up a few minutes later, his family is walking out as I arrive
> His mom kind of gives me a weird look, can't tell if it's a smile or a grimace
> da fuck did I do?
> As I the door of his apartment, all is clear
> Struck by blast of wind directly from Satan's asshole
> Nearly vomit on the floor as I fight my way into the apartment, the stench is almost palpable and I have to swim through a miasma of microwaved fish allowed to boil in ballsweat for three weeks
> Friend is standing in the middle of the floor, making intense and desperate eye contact with me
> Hey...Man...
> His eyes are about to pop out of his head
> Throat is clenching as he tries not to gag
> Notice some fat guy with a neck-beard standing frozen in the corner with his eyes popping out of his head.
> Head is pulled down into his chins like a turtle
> Try to talk to my friend, the sperg in the corner snaps his head back and forth whenever one of us speaks
> He doesn't seem to notice the smell
> Assume it was friend's mom's cooking and don't comment on it
> Feel kind of bad, try to include the guy in the conversation
> After a few one-word answers, he waddles forward and the smell of death increases exponentially as he approaches
> Seems we have gained his trust, and after some weird spastic comments about WoW (unrelated to what we were talking about) he runs off to the bathroom.
> The smell slowly recedes, friend starts breathing in choked gasps. Just says "holy fuck" and sits down on the floor
> Explains that this guy has been here two weeks before he moved in
> Before I arrived my friend asked him how to switch the water flow in the tub to the showerhead. His roommate just said "I dunno, I haven't used it"
much more to come
>>
> neckbeard comes back
> smell is still terrible, but he sits on the other side of the room
> turn on the Colbert Report and try not to talk to him, but we've gotten him started and he's now yammering away about how he's ready to kick ass at Computer Science after taking Javascript at community college
> I'm also CS, explain the courses mostly use Java in exercises
> "Same thing"
> wut
> Starts yammering away about something or other
> Suddenly jumps up and skips into the kitchen, the floorboards screaming on impact
> Emerges moments later with a literal armful of frozen meat that he pulled from the freezer
> Starts dancing around the living room with his eyes closed and this big shit-eating grin on his face
> Starts humming to himself as he whirls around, seems to forget about us for a little while
> Friend's family returns and I can tell by the look on their faces that, for a moment, they regret having migrated from Nigeria
this weird little fucker did some other crazy shit before eventually being forced to leave school after the counselors deemed him a threat to himself or others
>>
>>38314424
>>38314299
pretty crazy story, op. wanna hear MY sperg story? im the sperg in this situation.
>be me
>no one likes me
>im so lonely
welp thats it bro hope you enjoyed
>>
>> 38314937
Well, if you don't smell like aged piss and curry then you have that going for you at least
>>
> Weeks pass, friend asks for help with his super slow Internet connection
> Neckbeard roommate had Comcast set up router,etc... but put it all in his room
> Apartment now smells like Febreze and rotting flesh
> Run Cain & Abel and see a flurry of Blizzard packets
> Also see about 18 computers connected to the network because dumbfuck didn't turn on any sort of security
> Suddenly hear REEEEEEEEEEE WOOOOOOOOOOOO from the next room, then the whole floor shakes as Necky goes thundering out of his room and down the hallway
> Jumps up and down in the living room three times, hooting like an owl, then runs back into his room
> Friend explains he does this all the time when he's playing WoW
> Happens every few minutes, hear HOO HOO HOOOOOWAAAAW then sprints down the hall and back
> Eventually runs out the front door
> Default admin pass is still on router, log in and set up security for friend
> Leave before Necky gets back
>>
>>38315122
pop a fire hydrant and roll him through it a few times
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