Who oscillates between moods here?

>>38144231
I usually cycle through what I'd say resemble manic and depressive episodes. The manic episodes are usually very short (lasting for a few hours usually) while the depressive ones can last for days at a time.

During my manic episodes, I feel productive, on top of the world. and motivated to pursue my interests and hobbies. The most important part of the manic episode is that I no longer care about other people and their opinions. I do not feel envy, anger or hatred like I normally do.

The depressive episodes consist of a loss of motivation and interest and a return of the anger, hatred, and envy towards others.

It is very difficult to maintain a cohesive and productive front on a daily basis when I feel like my entire mindset can change several times a day.

Now I'll sit here and refresh the thread for a few minutes, get absolutely no type of response, and feel like a jackass for even attempting to offer a thought-out response to a thread.

>>38144308
>Now I'll sit here and refresh the thread for a few minutes, get absolutely no type of response, and feel like a jackass for even attempting to offer a thought-out response to a thread.
Don't worry even if it were so you let it out which is good

I might have bipolar disorder myself but they have features which are similar to schizophrenia

When I get manic or psychotic I crash harder as the economy in 2008

>>38144308
Sorry I don't really have a particularly interesting response but I just wanted to say that I experience almost the exact same thing.

I have noticed one thing though.
I usually live with my parents but as they're getting older they go on long holidays a few times a year, and when I have the house to myself these "manic episodes" as you call them are far more frequent.

I think music helps brings out this state of mind, but also that constant feeling of being in the same building with people who are disappointed in you is a real downer.

>>38144231
Same here. I can smile pretty easily and be in a good mood around people, but in reality I'm not. It isn't working lately and those around me are starting to notice it as well.
It's frustrating because I want to get professional help, but my brain is like "everything is so funny". I can't be serious for once.

>>38144231
I found getting to the root of my thoughts help. When Id do things, thoughts would also come naturally. So I went through life and started with common thoughts. When and if the bad came I asked why and went from there to when and did some self realization.

I dont know if this makes sense or the madness secretly took over. But it did help.

>>38144349
>When I get manic or psychotic I crash harder as the economy in 2008

Same here. The crash and descent into a depressive episode is usually brutal. I had a crash earlier today an hour or so before I got off of work and I was kind of worried how I would react in traffic during my crash as I have very explosive anger and I can into very infuriating situations in traffic quite often.

>>38144443
My parents also go on holiday occasionally, but I find that it does very little to trigger manic episodes. It makes the house seem desolate and the added responsibility of taking care of household tasks while they are away adds to my irritability.

Music can at times bring out a manic episode in me. This is a bit strange, but after I masturbate or right before I am finished, I like to play music and this music after masturbation can give me a very abrupt manic episode that only lasts about an hour at most.

The most surefire way for myself to enter a prolonged manic episode is either through energy drinks and food (I am a binge/comfort eater) or experiencing/witnessing something that puts me so over the edge that I hit an extreme level of indifference to just cope. Things that may trigger me are seeing a very attractive woman in a very expensive car, seeing a woman with very nice feet (I have a foot fetish that borders on mental illness) or experiencing some kind of loss or humiliation that makes me extremely angry.

Intrusive thoughts can also sometimes trigger manic episodes. Things like knowing that while I struggle to get by, others just cruise by and make more in a day than I make in a month; or that while I am working a menial job, some woman is making lots of money streaming herself playing games. Just thinks that trigger envy, hatred, or anger within myself.

me

i have been getting better tho

>>38144598
>experiencing/witnessing something that puts me so over the edge that I hit an extreme level of indifference to just cope
yeah, I get this as well
I think that the contrast of my dull depressing hiki lifestyle and being reminded of something like attractive women getting paid to just exist on camera or people who get well paying low effort jobs purely through nepotism triggers the mania like you say, just to cope

it's the contrast, same reason happy, energetic music also has that effect, when such joy can exist while I'm feeling like complete shit for days on end I can't help but laugh at the big joke that is life

>>38144930
A large reason music has a positive effect on me is because a lot of my library just gives me nostalgia. Most of my time before I truly became depressed was spent gaming so certain songs are tied to certain games. Listening to the songs makes me want to relive the glory days, but I never quite get there.

Right now I am fairly calm, not overly manic, but content with my mediocrity. Content with the idea of being a shut-in who has a regular job to fuel his escapist hobbies. I usually get this way right before I go to bed. I go to bed feeling content, but I never seem to get enough sleep and if I have school or work the next day, all of my progress is wiped clean when I wake up and realize that most of the day will be taken up by shit I don't want to do and the cycle repeats.

>>38144231

Most definitely.

My mood can change so rapidly, a single thought can change how I feel entirely.

This is especially difficult towards my family, acting depressed, sullen, angry, etc.

And having times when I am happy with friends and feel like everything is okay, but only to be crushed by the extreme weight of depression and suicidal thoughts.

I just try and isolate myself from everyone so they don't have to deal with my bullshit, I feel like I'm an extremely difficult person in general, it's bad because I'm essentially a leech living in my parents house known as a disappointment, I have no education to get a decent job, barely any social skills, a total loser.

>>38144231
sounds like atypical depression are you extremely sensitive to rejection

>>38145618
I am already diagnosed with social anxiety and bipolar/schizophrenia/schizoaffective mr Freud

They even thought autism but that's because they are retarded

>>38145599
>I feel like I'm an extremely difficult person in general

I feel the same way. My mood can change instantaneously. I am beginning to wonder how much longer before my main friend group just grows tired of it all. Every time I hang out with them:
>go to friend's house
>upbeat and calm because I am finally getting out of the house and seeing some people
>usually we just all hang out and talk and take turns playing Overwatch on his computer
>they tell me not to play because they know I'll get mad
>'it's alright guys, I've grown out of getting angry'
>still in the feel good manic mindset thinking I can take on the world
>get on the game, tweak the settings because I am so good and I'm an insider and pro that knows all about the settings
>do absolutely horrible during my game
>first one or two deaths I can absorb
>after that expletives come flying out
>insults become more and more frequent
>one friend starts to fuck with me because he is an edgelord that does this unchecked by anyone so he pushes people's buttons
>start getting mad with him and cursing at him too
>game ends, his turn
>get off and let him go, he does great and wins the game
>I sit there fuming for the rest of the night, not saying a single word
>Eventually just get up, say I'm leaving, and escort myself out
>Go home and sleep or masturbate as I enter a depressive episode

Repeat once or twice a week.