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>>38002139
>how the fuck do I get it?

You don't. NEET time is more toxic than prison time on applications/resumes.


You'll literally have to start with telemarketing or AM package handling at UPS. Those jobs will hire anyone with a pulse.

>>38002139
go to myperfectresume.com and use their autoformat stuff. make up 3 jobs with 4 bullet points of bullshit. Shoot for low paying shit at large retail stores and grocery stores. Stocking, cashier, overnight, they will take anyone for these positions. when i was an overnight stocker at target i worked with felonious niggers who didn't have home addresses (probably wont be your experience unless you live in niggerville). Keep the job for 8mo-1 year and then apply for something alittle higher up the chain.

>me
>overnight stocker at target for 8 months
>11.50hr
>apply to be merchandiser
>16/hr FT + OT
>hoping for an even better position
here's the important part OP
>prior work history was fabricated, lengths of tenure embellished, and i REHEARSED my bullshit answers by googling 100 most frequently asked interview questions. make a google doc and keep repeating you answers until they come off naturally and you can somewhat improvise the answer. believe your own lies.

>>38002198
don't do package handling. its literally slave labor. i did it for a week and quit. its absolute dogshit and your pay is crap

>>38002139
I'm a retailcuck, work in the seafood department, it's pretty chill tbqh
I got hired because one of the managers is mommy's friend

>>38002508
it's like getting getting paid to work out. weight just melts off the fatties who stick it out for a few months.

>Went to visit a friend who works in retail
>Tell him I'm looking for a job.
>He says hold on a min.
>Come back with manager
>We talk
>get hired on the spot

Work at the job for almost 10 years.

Same friend and his wife recently help get a much better job.

>>38002139
For minimum wage jobs put your family as your reference but change their last name. Also put fake work experience. For the personality tests you want to put what they want to hear.

>>38002472
>salaried wage slave
>stem major code monkey
>easily average over 60hr/wk
>frequently up to 80hr/wk
>calculate effective pay if I was paid hourly with ot
>it's less than $16
>its actually close to 11.50

what am I doing with my life?

>>38004024
At least if you are in a "better" job, even if it pays less, it's easier to move up. A retail/food guy in some union might earn more than you, but his chances of promoting up to any position is quite limited.

>>38004024
Dude use that experience to get a better job if you've been there for a while.