Sup /r9k/
so how do you know when people are bullying you and when it is banter?
Like sometimes at work or a party, someone will say some "joke" about you, that makes you feel slightly embarassed but you go along with it because everyone is laughing.
How do you know when you should just let it slip as banter and when it's actually an "attack" on you.
Because there is a difficult balance:
>either react offended and appear like an asshole
>either laugh with it but then you are encouraging other people to see you as a doormat
basically how to react in this situation?
>>37950317
I've struggled with this too before.
I used to think that "there's some truth even in jokes" and get upset or offended.
Ideally you should get them back with some good insults of your own, and if they laugh it off it was banter.
>>37950317
> Either or
Ideally you are supposed to zing them back, and make the crowd laugh twice as hard.
>>37950317
>>37950341
Why are social brainlets so incredibly stupid? Fuck me, I'm not exactly a normie either, but at least I understand the rules of basic social interaction. You shouldn't complain if you're THIS stupid. It's your fault you don't fare well socially if you really don't know how to distinguish between a joke and an insult. There is a reason people can't stand being around social retards, and this is exactly it. You are brainlets who can't just go along with what ever is going on in the group and as a result act like spergs.
Maybe try bringing it up with someone in the group alone, in private. Let them know that it makes you uncomfortable and you're not sure what to do about it without looking like an asshole. They're more likely to discourage others from doing it when they know you don't like it. Or they might give you other advice depending on the dynamics of the group.
>>37950455
Don't listen to this, anon. It sounds like it comes from someone who's never been in a social situation. "H-hey, that joke someone made that was obviously just a joke is making me uncomfortable. So much so that I need to let you know one on one." They'll just view you as a soft idiot who ruins the fun. Also, "discourage them"? Are you retarded? No normie would listen to what you told him to say and go "yeah, he's totally right, let me go and tell everyone not to make jokes around this sensitive faggot!"
>>37950317
I have never been able to do that prolly cause of my dyspraxia and it has caused so much shit
My best advice is how they have treated you in the past and what effect it has. Also you should have developped some basic "scripts' to react to this like the same joke or some shit
>>37950317
Bite back but in a smart, not angry way. Play their game basically.
>>37950455
Wow this is awful advice unless you want everyone to think you're a big pussy
>>37950455
Jesus christ never do this
>>37950446
This guy at least tries to fix his problems and isn't sperging out like you.
>>37950317
Agree and amplify. You go along with the banter while looking confident and unaffected.
>>37950455
wtf man now they are sure going to think he is retarded. This is problem for who has it to deal with not be like bohoo treat me like a baby
>>37950317
I used to have a best friend. When I got drunk and told him I'm asexual he stopped talking to me. Asexuality discrimination is real.
>>37950565
How is what I wrote sperging out? What I said is true. Are you suggesting normies want to accomodate to every sensitive autist who can't take a joke? What should I say instead? Some bullshit that feels good but isn't true?
>>37950601
do fedora-tippers not realize that Gnosticism is its own religion?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gnosticism
>>37950619
say you need to fix this yourself and hopefully it improves . of course normies don't have to accomodate him like a baby but no reason to be a dick
>>37950317
just be yourself bro
blcoxx
>>37950317
Gotta detach your thoughts from your self identity, anon. Gotta try to look at what people say without the lens of your ego distorting things. Just try to not take the world or what other people say as seriously, and return some lighthearted bantz to keep the ball rolling. Keyword being lighthearted, don't sperg out and attack the person in return. Good tactic to deal with this is "agree and amplify."
Example: "haha hows it feel having a face like that anon" "oh yeah it blows, dude. I gotta wear a burlap sack at home in case I look in a mirror"
It's still a thin line between cooly deflecting digs at you and being a total autist, but just takes some practice and experience. Good luck, hope this helps
Best advice currently in this thread
If you're so much of a sperg that you can't see the difference then it was probably an insult.
>>37950847
thanks for the actual advice anon
that being said, how can you be sure that the other people are just friendly bantering?
like, there's a guy in my group of "friends" at work that is always "wired" as in, he always has to be on top of things and the cool guy.
So for instance, he goes to see me to ask me for some stuff (we're working in an open space). He explain hime / help him for a few minutes, and then when he leaved he basically say somthing like "OK thanks see you fag" or something like that. I feel like his whole way of speaking is really "aggressive" because he can't stand asking for help and has to show dominance.
So in that situation, I just laugh but I'm wondering if my reaction is correct? Basically it's the kind of public convo at work that everyone else is hearing so I have 2 options:
>either laugh it off but then I'm sure I sound like a push over
>either react to that in some way to counter it but I may appear like an asshole and destroy the mood from "cool work mood" to "some serious shit just happened"
>>37951015
>"OK thanks see you fag"
Just respond with ''not if I see you first homo''
and then wink
>>37951015
you've got the right idea with just laughing it off. Sounds like this guy is insecure and always fighting to be above others on a dominance hierarchy. It may seem cliche, but people hide their insecurities by taking it out on others, and I suspect that's what he's doing to you. People won't see it as being a pushover as long as you aren't really seeming like his comments are rattling you. Just ignore it/him or give a little laugh when he does this (don't make it forced tho)
He's trying to get in your head to dissolve your confidence so he can stay "on top," and it's partially working. It doesn't have to if you don't let it though :)
>>37951015
>>37951071
this is a fairly good example of the "agree and amplify" that I mentioned. Again, only if its natural and not too forced though. If you let the comments affect you, it'll come across as somewhat insecure
>>37951224
>agree and amplify
>"yeah no pb I'll go suck a cock later"
how is that helping
>>37951270
>douchebro attacks OP's sexuality to degrade his self worth
>OP jokingly confirms what douchebro said and isn't bothered by it
it's a powerstruggle, what would douchebro have to follow up with? "Ha, knew it." If OP clearly isn't affected by the words, they lose impact. Again though, it's all about delivery in a way that shows OP doesn't really care. If he is rattled by what the guy said, then it can look like he's trying to hide his insecurity
>>37950317
Sarcastic self-deprecation is the generic normie thing to do. If you try to crack a joke back then it'll just seem like you're trying too hard, really you should just try to disassociate yourself with those kinds of people, there's billions of people in the world there's no shortage of them.
Sarcastic self-deprecation is a great idea if you want to let everyone know you're a bitch boy who will let anyone say anything they want about you and you'll never stand up for yourself. Y-yes Chad. W-whatever you say Chad. H-h-haha. You're making yourself into the human equivalent of a dog who lets other dogs eat all the meat as long as he gets to lick the leftover bones with no risk of confrontation.
>>37950317
My dad will tell insults as jokes all the time and it pisses me off. He acts like it's fine to just insult people to their face as long as you laugh when you do it because then you show that you're not serious and just joking. Fuck you faggot, you're not joking you're just being a dick and trying to run from confrontation.
>>37951631
I think it depends on the context. If the guy is doing more than banter and trying to really dig at OP to make him a bitch, it's good for OP to stick up for himself. But if you instantly go to the major defensive bc "iM ALPHA I WILL NOT BE TREAD ON," you just seem even more insecure. It's all about picking your battles appropriately
>>37951760
in that case how do you even "stick up for yourself" ?
I'm not going to fight some dude at work
>>37950455
This is terrible fucking advice
>>37951795
with words maybe? Personally, if it got to the point where I felt someone was honestly just non-stop attacking me trying to make me submissive, I'd say something along the lines of "Piss off man, If you need me to do something, you can ask it in a professional way. If you aren't going to do that, then you can just do >task yourself."
granted, OP is the only one that truly knows the full situation
>>37950317
I have the same problem. I ignore the insultive banter most of thet ime, but sometimes I appear as an offended bitchboy.
The core of the problem is that we are not playing the same game as them. We are tginking how to defend ourselves, but not to attack. They never try to defend because you never attack verbally. The person who initiates first with aggressive banter has an advantage over the defender. You never called your friend a fag or insulted him amongst banter so he never had to think about defending his ego. He on the other hand attacks your ego and you become insecure because your ego is under attack.
tldr
just donit as well and not to counter him, but to make him counter you. attack
ps
that probably wont work out if you are old friends because he already knows who you are and such a change will be radical