I don't want to hate any more. I've seen my fair share,

>>37800984
I realise now, that all those years they were trying to tell me how much they despised me, how much they wished I would just go away, that I was nothing but an insensitive, selfish asshole. I've got no one to pour this hate on other than myself, It hurts like a dagger. I wish someone told me kindness, I wish I could learn to love but my soul is ugly.

>>37800984
I tried to be normal, I tried. It was too late, now I only associated socialising with pain. I remember looking into bathroom mirrors, splashing water on my face psyching myself up.
"This time will be different, you'll make a new friend if you put yourself out there. All you have to do is believe in yourself."
You can likely guess how it went, I averted my eyes, I couldn't bear to inflict myself on anyone any more. Sometimes they would notice, I would receive glares, maternal pangs, maybe they wanted to help me but didn't know how. I just need that silver spoon of confidence, that's all I needed. Then I'd be made.

It's nowhere, it doesn't exist, I've lost that privilege. People can see it on my face, they can see it in my walk, in my speech, they can look in my eyes and sense that I am the way I am. They know who I am better than I ever did, and they want no part in it.