I need my oneiti-

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>caught onetis 4 years ago
>in my head every single waking moment
>boyfriend
>break up
>another boyfriend
>lasts 2 years
>beta orbit the whole time unknowingly
>feel beta but we act like cutesy best friends in this time and when she hugged me it felt like fucking heroin
>they break up
>she starts avoiding me for some reason
>drift away from eachother
>havent seen her for a year and a half or so
>have actively tried to get over her
>cut contact (already happened anyway)
>tried to totally change myself and perspective
>nofap
>fap
>exercise
>meditation
>games
>books
>going for walks
>talking to people
>trying to make new female friends
>nothing fucking works
>still think about her every day just as much as the first day i caught her oneitis

can anything even be done?

>>37761716
Empty your mind of all thoughts.
Let your heart be at peace.
Watch the turmoil of beings,
but contemplate their return.

Each separate being in the universe
returns to the common source.
Returning to the source is serenity.

If you don't realize the source,
you stumble in confusion and sorrow.
When you realize where you come from,
you naturally become tolerant,
disinterested, amused,
kindhearted as a grandmother,
dignified as a king.
Immersed in the wonder of the Tao,
you can deal with whatever life brings you,
and when death comes, you are ready.

>>37761768
that was beautiful anon

so I should do drugs?
desu I should try a psychadellic that might change something up there.

>>37761886
Try LSD or psilocybin mushrooms. Low dose for first timers. It has an incredible therapeutic value that just might help your heart and mind find direction and balance in life.
If you decide to do psychedelics, i wish you good luck with everything, anon

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>>37761768
>Am I ready for death...?

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Same. But she abandoned me and now she hates me because I'm clinically depressed despite having an easy life and unable to will it away. I miss her so much. I had a crying fit this morning alone on my bed pleading her not to abandon me, like a kid crying for his mama. That's how pathetic, lonely, weak and depressed I am.