>mom won't let me move out because I'm autistic

>>37681832
Man, that sucks. I understand that feel though, OP. My parents are the same way. They don't even let me step outside the house to go on nightwalks after 8pm. They say "you're too vulnerable, and you have a habit of trusting people too easily."
It hurts to know even your parents have no faith in you becoming independent. One of the worst feelings.

I'm turning 30 this year and my parents still get upset if I go for a walk around the block for some fresh air.

>WHY DONT YOU GO DURING THE DAY!
>THERES IDIOTS OUT THERE!


I live in a upper-middle class area in AUSTRALIA, they talk as if we live in the nigger ghetto in America or something.

well is she wrong though? apparently you never showed her that you have the ability to be self sufficient.

>>37681832
I wish I had autism so people would have low expectations of me.

>>37681911
Fat dude at my works like that. Even has his dad drive him to work everyday. He is also 30

I'm in the opposite situation, I can barely function and my mom wants me to "just go outside" I hear this shit every single fucking day.

>>37681832
>"Mom, I know you love me and have my best interests at heart, but I don't appreciate being infantilized because I'm autistic."
>"The truth is, anybody's parents can come up with reasons why their child shouldn't leave the house, and they'd be largely the same. Fear of their child being hurt. Fear of their child being overwhelmed. Etc. That's true whether somebody's autistic or not, just because parents love their children and are concerned about them."
>"You never know how far you can push something until it breaks, and I don't think it's healthy for my development as a person to be sheltered from the real world forever. Failure and vulnerability are a part of life."
>"You should be glad that I want to go out and thrive instead of leeching off you forever. I love you and don't want to be apart, either, but it's not like I'm abandoning you or losing cntact with you forever."
>"I appreciate your love and support, and the fact that you don't want me to leave at all gives me reassurance that if anything happens I'll always have a place to return to. Thank you for that."
>"You want grandkids, right? Let's be real here: Nobody wants to date a guy who's still living with his mom."

Seriously, just go for it, anon. Are you a child? If not, there's nothing she can do to stop you.

>>37682335
lol what job is this?

>>37681911
I'm almost 24, but I feel ya. I stay with my grandparents when I'm not in college, and my grandma's afraid of me walking to 7-11 or even going on the front porch.

I don't even think it's a sperg thing. She does it to all 4 of her kids, and they're in their 40's and 50's. It's just because they love you and they're overprotective.


Granted, we ACTUALLY live pretty close to the ghetto and we're surrounded by methheads and schizos thanks to the halfway house, but you can't say, "Grandma, the crackheads like me."

>>37683243
this.


>>37681832

Oh, buddy, this rly grinds my gears. I'm sorry. The best course for this is communication.

Tell her that autism is a spectrum disorder and that you are on the high functioning end. Skills can be developed and improved. Autism just means that social skills can be less "natural" to people who have it, so you have to teach yourself what is expected of you while functioning in the world and in social interactions.
The only way for you to learn and improve social skills and to get a job and become productive is to be exposed to those social situations.

The only way for you to become adjusted to the world is to be inside of it.

Tell her that while you do care for her and appreciate that she believes that she has your best interests in mind, the fact of the matter is that she can't be around forever, and that her "protecting" you will only hurt you in the long run because once shes gone you will be plummeted into the world with no help. It is best too gradually get exposed to it on your own terms.


I work as a behavioral therapist for kids with ASD. So, please trust me on this one.
You're old enough to communicate how you feel, take advantage of that. The kids I work with only act out because they're too young to effectively communicate.

You will do fine.

>>37683386
Also, excellent taste in chipmunk waifus, Jeanette was best.

If you feel like it would be too difficult to directly approach her on this one, you can write a letter and give to to her or leave it for her in a place you know she'll find.

You can also write yourself a bit of a "script" and either go directly from it, or use bullet points to remind you of what you want to say, and stick to the points that you want to make without getting sidetracked.

If you have been diagnosed with Asperger's, then it might help to clarify to her that while it is under the category of autism, but it is on the very high functioning end. Her coddling will only damage your potential to function at your highest level.

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>>37683386
>I work as a behavioral therapist for kids with ASD.
Holy fuck, sorry to just butt in, but you're perfect. I've been wanting to talk with somebody like you for ages now.

1. Where do I go if I want to finally sort this out? It doesn't seem like there are many resources for adults. Who do I contact?

2. I highly suspect that my first cousin and goddaughter might be on the spectrum, largely because I highly suspect that I'm on the spectrum and she exhibits many of the same little quirks. She's three now.

How do I say, "Please go easy on her; I turned out fine?" I ask because another relative pointed out that she was tiptoeing and remarked that they should drill it out of her early. 9Jesus fuck; give her a break!) That set off alarms in my head. I think her folks are caring enough not to go overboard, but I'm not sure they even suspect it the way I do and I'm worried that somebody else might point it out first and tell them to go psycho on her. I've got 24 years of experience with handling SPD and a weird vestibular system and I think maybe I should reach out if it does come up.

Really, what do I do? Do I even bring it up?

>>37681832
She can't actually stop you. She can only bitch about it. Move out and grow up. She's not doing you any favors keeping you at home, she's holding you back.

>>37683749
You can go to your Dr and get a diagnosis if you don't have one (Im assuming you dont because you said you suspect you are, and if you think you are there is a pretty good chance since you know yourself better than anyone else) that can help steer you into finding local resources. Depending on where you live you might be able to find therapists who have some specialization. Otherwise you can address specific things that bother you, like if you need help managing anger you can address that (most anger issues/meltdowns are caused by over stimulation.)
I've found that aspergerexperts.com is a helpful tool (they have youtube vids too) and can give you some helpful ways of looking at things.

I've really noticed that (and I hate that) most resources are for kids/parents. This is terrible. It doesn't just "go away" when you get older. You learn skills and expectations, and manage those.
Sadly, infantilizing people with ASD happens a lot because with all the focus on it as a kid's disease and with parents needing to "deal with it" you really take away people's agency and their ability to find their own way of functioning in the world. like I said, socializing is a skill. thats it. I know it can be frustrating tho.

Fuck Autism Speaks, because all that focus on "finding a cure" is BS and there doesn't have to be a cure. Comments like wanting to "Drill it out of her early" is bullshit, too. You don't have to drill it out, she needs acceptance and guidance for the social aspects. Really, that's it.
You can say it just the way you've said it here. Encourage them to speak to a dr about it for her. You might wanna preface the "go easy" part gently about how they are good parents and all because people can be defensive about parenting issues (like if they feel they are being judged as a "bad parent") and that can cause them to ignore your real message.

I hate the focus on parents who are "dealing with kids on the spectrum" and not for the kids/people themselves.

>>37684008
Thanks. I appreciate you taking the time to respond, and I wasn't aware of the site you directed me to. I'll take your advice to heart.

Love ya bunches, anon.

>>37684084
<3
Glad if I was able to help.

Guys.....your moms are probably right.

Maybe move out with a friend, someone to watch over you.

Maybe a group home. That way you get your independence and they get some peace of mind.

There are even places to look for autismn roommates and you move In together and wat h each others back and you understand each other a little.

>>37681832
Delete your porn and sell your vidyas.

My grandmother made my dad move back into her house. It's only no clicking that he must be autistic.

>>37681832
If you havent been raised to deal with the real world then you mom is doing her job as a mother wrong.

Just leave. You're over 18 arent you? As long as you can net a place to stay, do it, but if you cant look.

If you need permission from your mother you clearly are not ready.

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At least some of you guys' have caring mothers.

Mine's favourite past times are intimidation, lying, and stealing money from me whenever viable.

I want what you have OP.

>>37685218

parents can act as gatekeepers, though.

I know that there have been times where my mother has actively sabotaged my attempts to move out. I've since actually done it, but I was met with a lot of resistance.

For example, she would hang up on calls from job interviews and tell them they had the wrong number because she didn't want me to work and move out. This was years and years ago when cell phones were more expensive, and she wouldn't let me get a cell phone. I had no way of paying for one because I couldn't get a job and was dependent on her. Another thing she did was refuse to teach me how to drive. Every attempt I was making to become self sufficient met with resistance from her. Things like that are ultimately a disservice.

Not everyone has good parents. Sometimes people have children because they are lonely and want to fill a void in their life or because they want to trap their spouse in their marriage. They don't choose to have children because they want to see them grow into competent adults. They fear empty nest syndrome, so they sabotage their children to keep them dependent on them.

>>37685354
And what was your dad doing during all this?

>>37686310
out of the picture

>>37686417
And you want to leave her just like he did?? After everything she has done for you?

Whats so wrong with living with your mother? You can live alone when she's dead. Which won't be long if you keep trying to break her heart.

This thread makes me glad I have the balls to stand up for myself.