I don't know what to do anymore, there's this deep

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The best of times are when I'm staring at the ceiling and my mind is completely blank. When it isn't like that, there's just pain.

I don't think there's a way out, except for gradually hollowing out inside.

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>>37629867

I know exactly what you're talking about OP. For me, I got to that stage of emotional desolateness through years of heavy depression and social isolation. The disconnection from people and my reality soon followed. Once you reach this stage of perception, it's a hard ascension back to feeling "normal" again in the sense of not feeling entirely apathetic to your existence or anyone else and anything.

My means of escape was a strong desire of overcoming, and a desperate attempt to find something that would help give me insight into how I could change things for myself emotionally and psychologically.

Religion never gave me any fulfillment in existential terms, nor did I ever see the benefit in a cathartic way to channel my suffering. It felt like a cop for the self-overcoming I truly wanted. I began to get more into philosophy and certain thinkers/writers. I got myself into therapy (I've always been lucky with getting great therapists/counselors) as an extra measure of checking in with myself so to speak. I began writing again to better collect my thoughts and express my true feelings.

I was able to get a part-time job, and I began to use the environment of it to get better at communicating with other people and throwing away my inhibition regarding social anxiety. It's been 2 years since I've really tried and exhausted myself many times in order to better my state in existence. It's a hard, arduous road to get out of that state, but you can do it OP if I was able to.