started my new job
still feel very stuck
realised that i view everything thru a very negative lens
how are you all doing tonight?
I thought I was ok for the longest time but I'm getting worse again just as I started school again.
I'm sick of people thinking I'm either incompetent or a smart person. It's never inbetween, and the thing is I'm not smart. I'm actually really fucking incompetent. I always say the wrong things, and do things the wrong way. People are always taking things away from me out of impatience when I fail at doing something and doing it themselves.
Today:
>helping roommate move a mattress home from the store
>trying to throw rope over top of mattress to tie it to car
>employee gets mad at me for failing at it once and grabs the rope out of my hands
>roommate and her mom laugh at me
>sulk on the way home
>>37571801
people dont notice average, so they'll never point it out. I dont think you're incompetent, i dont think most people are decent at throwing ropes. Employee has a lot of practice and probably just wanted to get it done.
Today a small group of new people arrived to my workplace. I have been hanging around this girl for the past three months, I can tell she likes to be with me because I make her laugh but I haven't seen any opportunities from her end.
One of the new guys came to talk to her and basically they passed the day being flirty which each other. They will be dating this weekend.
I can't catch a break. I just want to be mildly happy.
>>37571747
I'm drunk but bro it will work itself out in the end. You feel stuck right now but with your perseverance it should run smoothly. Best of luck.
>>37571977
hey, nice man, glad to hear that!
>>37571985
thanks, im hoping i can just keep going forward
>>37571747
Hey Skellybro, that's life man. There are so many negative and hurtful things about life that are so easy to concentrate on over what little good there might be. I think our problem is that we're able to see to see the "big picture" and the place we hold in it. We can't appreciate the little things because we don't have that microscopic vision that other people do. We're constantly trying to hold the entire universe in our heads and perceive our lives from that perspective. When you view yourself as nothing more than an irrelevant flash of meaningless existence in an indifferent and fickle world it's nigh impossible to view anything positivitely.
TLDR: we took the black pill and can't go back.
>>37572152
Shit sucks and then we die. But i cant let myself be miserable all my life or i'll die sooner than later
My septic system backed up today and it just so happens I have awful diarrhea.
>>37572390
wow thats nightmareish anon, you have my condolences
>>37571977
Literally just show that you're interested and ask her out, if you're too afraid to make the first move it will go nowhere
>>37572316
I work in a nursing home where I get reminded of how and where you end up if you don't die sooner rather than later. It's hell. Ever hear an elderly woman scream in terror because she thinks she's going to be killed by her caretakers, or someone ask the same question over and over and over again, or can't recognize their loved ones and constantly wail for their husband or wife to come visit them who's actually dead? If you live long enough your neural synapses turn to soup and you live out the rest of your days in a delirium or retardation with someone who's completely burnt out and doesn't want to be there changing your diapers. It's hell OP. It motivates me everyday to do something that kills me a little faster so I don't end up that way.
I'm getting piss drunk as I type this just I don't think about it. Fuck this gay Earth. I hope you learn to appreciate your job though. You could be doing a lot worse than chilling in a library.
>>37572152
Underrated post, shit isn't bad as we make it. Our imaginations truely are our worst enemy
I enjoy the solitude of little to no personal relationships though, it gives me immeasurable freetime to learn about the world and practice art. I'm even looking into making classic Youtube Poops, those days were the shit
>>37572549
nursing homes are fucking inhumane most of the time. fuck the nuclear family and its mistreatment of both the young and the old
Also I appreciate my job a bunch, like i call it being an easy cashier, but like its hard to stay positive when im a shithead with mental illness