Psychological Issues

>>37426295
Hey man. What's up with you?

>>37426332

I'm going out tonight. A conference and dinner with friends.

The rest is shit. The daily torture is getting too much and I'm not sure I can take another year of that.

You?

>>37426372
That sucks. I thought you were getting some improvements lately. Weren't you?

>>37426409

I thought so too. It changes daily. I think my mental state is more stable now, but I still got nausea and more the other day. Less suicidal ideation, as well.

I still feel like I'll die very soon, like every day is part of a countdown. It's stressful enough to prevent much enjoyment. And I still feel like I'm living a messed up parallel life, not my real life. I still haven't gone back to normal, and may never do.

Is this where I tell you my current emotional troubles?

>>37426449
I think you will come back, when you forgive yourself for fucking up. It sounds pretty impossible, that I am sure of. But at some point, you're going to have to be practical.

And not beating yourself up is the practical choice here. You might not agree here, but I think we're facing a similar choice. To be practical.

>>37426537
>when you forgive yourself for fucking up.

That isn't the issue. It really isn't.

I am being as practical as possible. I know why I did what I did, and I know it wasn't out of spite. It was all out of love, just out of love for too many women.

>And not beating yourself up is the practical choice here.

I don't do that.

How do I control my temper?

I get really angry even when slightly "disrespected" by other people and have gotten into numerous fights and hospitalized people (been hospitalized as well) due to my decisions.

I'm just a really violent person and if I get into a fight, I have to have people literally pull me off before I cause some serious bodily harm. Tbqh, I have never felt more alive than when I am causing physical harm to another person (and sometimes being on the receiving end isn't so bad either)

It's ruining my life and has destroyed most of my interpersonal relationships.

Wat do?

>>37426558
Maybe I'm wrong. Let's just leave this topic. You don't need my bickering. I really don't think I can make you feel any better.

>>37426575

You should consider taking up martial arts.

Also, when you feel disrespected, talk to yourself mentally: imagine yourself saying or doing what the other person said or did, and wonder if they really meant what you fear they might have meant.

Since you enjoy fights so much, I wonder how much of your feeling disrespected is real and how much is forced, to allow for violence.

Any idea what makes you enjoy pain and violence so much?

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>>37426598

No need to leave the topic, I don't mind it. You're not bickering. And you can always help more than you realise.

>be me
>be on fire
>friendly Slav comes along with bucket of water
>friendly Slav spills a few drops on me
>"Welp, let's just give up, you don't need my water, and I don't think I can do anything for you."
>friendly Slav goes drink his bucket while I die

I-It's OK.

Well I'm old. I recently got ripped off buying a flat. So I have to continue renting my old which I hate because I am in a city full of loud extroverts with 2 brain cells... I have no social circle.
I had girlfriends and ONSes. Casual sex bores me. I have become totally numb to any notion of romance after repeatedly getting with batshit crazies..

I have chronic insomnia. I have a rare form of heart disease since birth, I should already be dead. Spent my life popping benzos to numb the feels and now trying to catch up socially even though it's not gonna happen.
People treat me like garbage too often for that.

Oh I'm also contemplating HRT because "life is easy mode when female" meme

>>37426613
>You should consider taking up martial arts.
I used to box when I was younger.

>I wonder how much of your feeling disrespected is real and how much is forced, to allow for violence.
Honestly, I nitpick at times to just find reasons why I was "disrespected," and I can admit this.

>Any idea what makes you enjoy pain and violence so much?
I dunno, man. It's very fun and the rush during the heat of the moment gives me that "euphoric" feeling, but it fucks my life up. I have assault charges and served a year and a half prison sentence and I've even sexually assaulted like 2 women (thought didn't get charged for it)

Maybe I'm just a shit person.

>>37426654

How old are you?

Why do people treat you like garbage?

Have you ever considered that getting with crazies may have to do with yourself and not just bad lack?

Life won't be easier as a transsexual, believe you me.

>>37426667
>and I've even sexually assaulted like 2 women

Have you considered the repercussions for these two women? What did you do?

>>37426650
Lol. So you did read the thread from tomorrow. But if you want to stay on topic.

>I don't do that.
I think you do. It seems to me that you are punishing yourself, because you feel guilty.

>>37426702
>What did you do?
The first one was a couple years back. My friends and I did a home invasion in some shitty neighborhood and I just forced myself on her in her living room while my friends cleaned the place out.

The second one was actually a friend of mine whom I forced myself on because I was upset about something she said to me. It was more about "getting even" than actually being horny.

I don't intent to actually hurt them. It's just during the heat of the moment, my mind takes a backseat to my instincts and I can't help myself.

>>37426717
>Lol. So you did read the thread from tomorrow.

I wrote that fireman on fire thing.

>I think you do. It seems to me that you are punishing yourself, because you feel guilty.

I'm not sure I agree with this at all. I know what I have don and its consequences, I also realise that maybe this wasn't a fulfilling relationship, for reasons I won't state here.

I'm being punished enough by circumstances, I don't aim to add more. In what ways do you think I punish myself?

>>37426295
Hey Nick I'll be back in about an hour to talk. At work right now.

>>37426685
37. Feel like early 20s...

Most so called friends and acquaintances simply fail to invite me to do anything with them or even ask how I am doing. Some acquaintances thought I couldn't overhear them mocking me at the pub but I heard everything and snapped once at one nearly ended up in a fight.
They simply don't seem to take into account how fucked up I am physically and mentally and expect me to be "normal"

About relationships, my therapist thinks I am a crazy-magnet because of my personality (AvPD + dependent lol, slight aspie, INTP-T as fuck)

Well I did some research antagonizing testosterone may actually give me some peace of mind relationship wise and may reduce my blood pressure (a major concern)

>>37426766
>I just forced myself on her

Did you rape her?

And your friend?

Home invasion is something people deserve death for, I'm not even kidding. Do you have any idea of what it feels like to see your home violated, robbed, and yourself sexually assaulted?

Have you seen a therapist about your dangerous behaviour?

Hey, I don't know what happened but it seems like you went through some rough times, hope you're alright
Anyhow, bf broke up with me, been kinda lost on what to do or where to go with my life, I'm sorta out of my sulking phase, just completely lost
Him and I went out yesterday as friends and talked though, so I'm not totally alone

>>37426779
The circumstances being separation from your LO?

>>37426804
>Did you rape her?
Yeah, both of them.

>Home invasion is something people deserve death for, I'm not even kidding. Do you have any idea of what it feels like to see your home violated, robbed, and yourself sexually assaulted?
Didn't exactly ask for your judgement, bro. I know what I did is messed up. I didn't intent it to go down that way. I'm asking for your "psychological" advice.

>Have you seen a therapist about your dangerous behaviour?
No, they're expensive, aren't they? This thread is free, though.

>>37426827

If only it were just that. It's a whole lot worse. Imagine you met God and felt complete peace and happiness, only to find out you somehow angered God and now He acts like you don't exist, and you run into Him several times a week.

I couldn't even put this shit in a movie.

>>37426838

I didn't judge you, I stated facts. Raping people is very dangerous behaviour, to them. If you want my judgement, I can give it to you, but that's not what I did.

Depending on the country, it's not always expensive.

I must go now but I will return in many hours. Maybe.

How to stop anxiety? I can't talk to people, even just saying "Hi." gets me all nervous and shit.

>>37426892
No clue...

Origami

>>37426879
I've only raped 2 girls. I've assaulted many more people (male and female) and that is the bigger issue on hand. How to control my temper and stop assaulting people and getting into fights.

I'm already on felony probation and family (and some of my friends) don't want anything to do with me and life is getting sorta difficult. Need to sort it out.

I was friends with this negress trans girl on Facebook and you literally can't just be friends with them, they're always constantly trying to flirt with you and it's incredibly uncomfortable; they're borderline predators. She's doing porn now and honestly I regret even befriending her because if it leaks that I even knew her I'll be scrutinized for it because everyone will think we hooked up when in reality I've never even touched a real girl let alone a fucking tranny. The only reason I even kept the friendship up is because we were online friends before he transitioned and I'd feel like shit if I cut ties but I just finally had too.

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Has anyone gone to therapy for depression? If so did it help you?

>>37426558
>I know why I did what I did
What did you do?

>>37427134
>What did you do?
Make shitty threads and not even help people with their issues.

>>37427108
Nope. You're literally better off going to plebbit and having faggots try to comfort you and give you asspats for free. Save your time and money.

>>37426916
Croagunk is my favorite Pokemon. Too bad you're a rapist.

>>37427207
Well, what was your experience with therapists?

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Ok even robots avoid me

>>37427297
They just ask you questions. An ideal patient, aka a normie, will just get tricked into saying shit they should already know. Unless you're a slow retard, you already know 99% of the answers a shit therapist is going to tell you. If for some reason you don't know, well, you can have faggots do that for you for free, either random faggots online or with friends/family.
Now, a psychiatrist? Oh boy. Same thing but you get fucked with pills. Instead of seeing a therapist once a couple of times a month, you'll see a psychiatrist once every 1-3 months to see how those jew pills are workin for ya. Fuck that.
I fell for the therapist and psychiatrist meme. All those pills did was permenetly fuck me up. I have a horrible memory. It's like if I had a fucking stroke. Fuck those pills. I was diagnosed schizophrenic. Whatever. I said okay, these fuckers are trained professionals, right? They have to know. What do I got to lose? I lost so much. Fuck them FUCK THEM FUCK THEM. If I EVER go off the deep end, aka ready to die, I know who I'm taking with me. These fuckers are ruining more lives, not just mine. Done. OVER. READY. No one knows jack shit about how to treat mental illnesses. Back then, they'd give you a lobotomy or shock you. Now? They're fucking with you with chemicals. Same shit, different method.

Hello everyone.
Ok I have a lot to unpack.
I have lesions in my brain and I know the doctors know what they're doing and I wouldn't be out there unsupervised if my health was seriously on the line, but there's still no clear diagnosis and there's always some small chance something slipped under the radar so I could, you know, die.
I don't want to die, I thought about offing myself because no matter how small the risks, I'd rather die on my own terms than sit there with the awareness that there's something physically wrong with my brain and I don't know what it is. Like my head is an apple with a worm inside.
I don't know what to do with myself in the future anyway. This almost certainly isn't fixable so I'll always be damaged goods and when I think about the hole in my brain I stop being able to see myself as a human being.

>>37427542
>can randomly die
>would be peaceful
>no pain because you're not expecting it
>thinking about killing himself
fuck off plebbit, let it happen randomly, ignore it and keep going to do the doctor. let family know. if they fuck up, your next of kin will probably have a law suit and get monies and live happily ever after, thanks to you.

>>37427108
i've been, several years ago. it helped a lot in getting me started, since then i've done much more progress alone. considering going back again, but im to lazy to make time for it.

>>37427542
i know stuff about this, i'll talk about it later if you want. currently making dinner

>>37426295

Do you guys sometimes think you just got unlucky? I know that everyone has their issues, but in my case everything bad that is possible happened.

Short summary:
>Parents flee from Balcan War
>Piss poor living together with other subhumans
>My father worked whole month illegally to support our family, I saw him once or twice per month
>Mother couldn't speak a single word of the new language in the country
>When father came home he always hit my mum
>Grew up with her in a for her distant world
>My father couldn't speak or write the new language so I was forced to manage/write/handle his contracts beginning at the age of 5 (im not fucking kidding)
>Sometimes I didnt get it my father would beat me because of that telling me im worthless and that I should understand this stuff (at the age of 5)
>Generally randomly flipped out hitting me my mum yelling at us, my mom crying in her room alone while I was trying to cheer her up
>Mother loves the shit out of me
>During that phase we had visa problems and stuff
>Always kept telling my mom that I will become a lawyer and that I will make us passports (what an idiot kid dream)
>Was a top student during school
>Became fat at the age of 8
>father keeps treating us like shit
>its like I'm growing up alone in this new world, my father was never there to help me out, my mom couldnt understand shit
>because I was a very good pupil the other kids would pick up on me
>I cried often, but back then I wasnt angry at them I though that every human is good and they just have a bad day
>Kept going strong with this attitude till 8th class
>puberty hits new interessts its all about clothes, money, sex, appearance
>Im an ugly fat manlet
>always the shortest kid in class (another burden)
>had friends wasnt the popular one but people knew me and most liked me
>always kept smilling was known as the funniest guy in my year
>after school finishes and I enter my home the reality checks in and my hatred starts to consume me slowly
Part 2

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Time to hero

Is it normal to converse with myself? It's not just one off comments to help my thought process, its usually as if someone should be there to refer to, no instead i'm having full conversations with myself (I should note that these conversations are one sided and I never act out the other person so i know i'm not insane)

>>37427815
Alo gasterbajter

>>37427815
>My father now has a steady income and job
>After I come home I hear them argue over and over
>I just enter the appartment for 1 min and the first thing he says to me is how shitty and fat I am
>My grades start dropping
>Become very philosophic
>Think about different things, kids in my school had sex and teenage pussy in mind while I though about the missery in this world
>Father still randomly provocates me and when I just show a sign of disrespect or hate he beats me up
>finished my school with good grades
>I started going /fit/ with 15
>lost weight and because of my naturally good body (very bulky and good propotions) I looked very good
>bitches suddenly chat me up
>my mother is happy that I lose weight and starting to become happy (she still lives in missery)
>father tells me that im still a fatty and that I didnt lose shit and start to insult me even more
>the fact that he doesnt recognize my gains makes me extremely depressive
>after I hit the age of 17 I slowly go full fat
>was a little player but I never took advantage of the girls nor was I interessted in a gf
>bitches left me after becoming fatty
>went from 70kg to 115 now at age 21
>fucked up my advanced school and currently working in a job which enslaves me
>hate my job

I have so much to tell about my life this is just a very short version.

Basically:

>Manlet, fat, poor, shitty parents (father), no financial support to back me up, shitty school, short dick (10cm hard), redeeming hairline, lost my best friend I'm a loner, slave job, my mother with a heart of gold is living in this missery for the last 25 years, I never could fullfill my dream and become a lawyer for her

The only thing I hear that I have an very attractive face and some chicks kept telling me to lose weight before I went total dark numb.

I'm now here for awhile, hows everyone?
>>37426803
Do you ever ask about them or invite them to anything?
>>37426813
That's unfortunate, but at least the two of you can still talk to each other. I've never had that with an ex, what's that like?
>>37427542
Just live each one day at a time. You cannot stop this from happening, and theres no cure in sight correct? Simply enjoy the time you have.
>>37428002
This sounds rough man.

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This boredom is killing me, absolutely killing me

I usually buy some booze and get shitfaced now but I can't as I'm at my parents'. I fucking hate this feeling, I scroll the catalog of all of my favourite boards, constantly refreshing the page but not a single thread peaks my interest. There's nothing I want to watch, I don't want to play guitar, I don't want to fucking do anything but I'm so bored at the same time.

What the fuck can I do in this situation? What's wrong with me?

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Hello lads.
How are you this evening?
I dont know what to do with my life anymore.
I am sick of cramming my feeling away, currently looking for a creative way to express myself.
It sounds fucking stupid now that i think about it but whatever, not deleting that shit.

Im just feeling lonely, i dont have anyone i can truly connect with.

My parents are narcs
Everytime i want ti tell them about something they start insulting me about how I don't have a job and that im giving up hope, it pisses me off so i decided to not talk anymore

If only my heart would stop today so i don't have to suffer through tomorrow.

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>>37428395
Why can't you drink at your parents' place?
>>37428448
>your pic
pic related
Why don't you work? Medically inable or can't find anyone hiring? Have you tried simply sketching whatever comes to mind? I'm fucking terrible at all art but still do occasionally because xeno /qst/ inspires me Also not talking with your parents about this may be for the best.

I'm schizophrenic and have manic depression, and psychologists have described me "mentally unstable".

Thoughts?

>>37428878
Probably right Ashbark.

>>37428743
>Why can't you drink at your parents' place?

Because I drink to get shitfaced, and I think it would look odd if I bought a silly amount of alcohol to drink. It's my usual go to when I feel like this but now I'm left to deal with it.

>>37428944
Maybe you should sort yourself out instead of distracting yourself from your issues by drugging yourself?

>>37428944
dealing with it might actually be a big part of getting better

>>37428878
I'd say the 'ists, plural, are probably right. What have been their options offered to you to help fix you?
>>37428944
How long have you been drinking to avoid these issues? What are they?

This thread always dies too soon. I wish it wouldn't, but it does.

>>37428125
Hey Hero. I'm sorry it took so long to reply. I'm glad to see you here.

I never feel like I can trust anyone, I've had this problem since around 12, I never felt I could trust anyone completely, I always felt I had to lie, or hide some personal feelings. Not just with normal people, not just friends, but my family that I live with, I never felt I could trusted them. Not even my mother.

>>37429506
How was your childhood before 12?

>>37429506
I know this. Why is it like that for you? There must be something. It's usually something in your childhood, being abused in some way.

>>37429530
As far as I remember, normal, I played with other kids, and loved my family.

>>37429543
I don't know why. I'm sorry I can't answer that. I can't answer a question i don't know an answer too.

>>37429552
Did anything happen when you were 11?

>>37429570
Well there must have been something.

Maybe your parents beaten you?
Maybe severe bullying? This was my case. Being beaten, tortured, humiliated by your peers for years can have this effect.

>>37429004

>Maybe you should sort yourself out instead of distracting yourself from your issues by drugging yourself?

Well that's why I'm posting here, it's at least some way to understand my problems rather than drinking them away

>>37429353
>How long have you been drinking to avoid these issues? What are they?

It's been about a year now since I've been drinking. Idk, it makes me feel better I guess. When I'm sober everything is so shit and boring, I could smash my head against the wall I feel such a little amount of emotion

I have no idea what can help it though, I'm not interested in my hobbies anymore so that doesn't help

anyone know how to become less clingy? there's a girl and i think it's actually going somewhere, but I literally can't stop thinking about her. I don't talk to her every day but it still feels like i'm trying to talk to her too much.

anyone found a way to just switch off the feeling or at least reduce it?

>>37429601
The only thing that might have done it: I broke a vase when it fell into a sink. My father beat me for breaking the vase. I had to clean the glass out from the sink.

>>37429627
I'm just gonna pop into this conversation as someone who has been drinking not socially, but to run away from his problems for the last roughly 2 - 3 years and only thing I can tell you is, that it won't keep working as well as it does now.

If you're anything like me, that window of "good emotion" when you're drunk will be getting smaller and smaller. Also you will have to drink much more.

Just saying.

Hey Nick! It's been a while. Sorry I couldn't find any of your other threads since last time we talked.

>>37429667
That could be it, but I would expect something more traumatic.

>>37429667
Honestly that's unlikely to be the case. A single incident. Were your parents close to you? I mean emotionally. For example my mother always was kind of distant for some reason, she's not a cold woman, she just never really was affectionate with me (she was with my sister though). I actually can't recall ever hugging her once in my life now that I think about it.

Maybe it was similar for you? I read some theory about how not enough "closeness" from ones mother during early childhood is actually what creates sociopaths.

>>37429506
im just the same. im also not quite sure why it is. current hypothesis is that my sister was very prone to temper tantrums and my mom was angry a lot, i think that made me want to be better than them by being calm or something.

one single incident like breaking a vase probably shouldnt be the cause unless you really feel traumatized by it.
how was the rest of your family, was there a reason you needed to hide your feelings?

How's life going for you guys?
because I don't fucking know anymore

Hey guys, everyone survivng I hope?

>>37430181

Everyone better fucking survive, or I'll kill them.

>>37430173
>>37430181
there's a lot of emotions in me tonight that im struggling to understand and cant seem to let out.

how're you guys?

>>37430173
>>37430181
Hey guys, I just got here, today was relaxing as fuck, how was today for you, friends?

>>37430173
Are you the psychopath Dram?

>>37430173
>>37430181
Hey guys. The thread has been slow. Hopefully it will pick up more.

I dropped uni this year but I'm planning on starting another degree next year but I'm so fucking affraid of being all alone again

>>37430268
>>37430276

Pretty crappy today. I felt happy about finishning school for about a day, now Im just tired and bored again.
I'll start working soon but I'll get myself the next week off to chill a bit.
Good thing is Ill get drunk as hell for the last time with my classmates tomorrow

>>37430268
>how're you guys?
I don't know, it's like someone put me in a blender and now everything is mixed

>>37430276
>how was today for you, friends?
day has been good

>>37430301
I don't think so, don't even know what that means

Advice for how to deal with psychosis, without medication or dropping buttloads of money onto "professionals"?

>>37430429
Oh, okay. I must have been thinking of someone else.

>>37430459
Nothing. You can't do anything else. You're going to die without help.

>>37429495
Its fine how're you?
>>37429506
Who betrayed your trust first?
>>37429627
Have you tried re-finding those feeings you used to get from your hobbies from something else?
>>37429663
You can't far as I know. But what attracts you tothis particular person?
>>37429768
Nick's been in and out, usually others have been running threads like Facet and myself. How're you?
>>37430173
>>37430181
Work, work, and work. I'm working my life away and have nothing to show for it.

>>37430404
what're you gonna do on your week off?

>>37430429
sorta same as me then

Anyone else thinks that we live in a simulation? Ive been thinking more and more about this as a way to not think of sad shit.

>>37430571
I'm doing fine. I have this weird feeling in my chest.

>>37430591
Play vidya I guess, download DOOM probably, it's my childhood favourite and I havent played the new one yet coz of studying all the time
Other than that probably unpack my drums again and play for a while

I'm so retarded, the idea of talking in voice chat with my friends makes me anxious

>>37430657
If life were a simulation, our creators would have grown tired of our misery by now and either reprogrammed us happy or aborted the program.
>>37430698
Can you describe it?

>>37430937
It has passed, but I usually get it while angry or after being angry. It's pretty nice.

>>37430937
>our creators would have grown tired of our misery by now and either reprogrammed us happy or aborted the program.
Maybe time is programmed to move a lot faster for us than for them, so they can watch how us (maybe an inferior form of them) evolved. Just the way we simulate the moving of galaxies at a much higher speed than the reality we experience.

>>37427482
What a well-documented and pertinent analysis of mental health care. Feel free to be biased and bitter all you like, but don't scare people away from help they might need.

>>37431123
you watched too much black mirror boy

>>37431221
Thats my view of "god" i guess. Maybe im as gullible as religious people. Its weird how our minds make us believe in stuff that seems so out of reach, even tho we consider ourselves level headed (at least in my case).

>>37431043
What does the sensation feel like?
>>37431123
Perhaps. But I simply can't believe it myself. If you're a Christian, in the Scripture even God turned his back on humanity and no longer watches. He's waiting until his predetermined time to end it now, not watching those here.

>>37431296
Fuck dropped my name.

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>>37430657
Finally enough your hypothesis is just Descartes's bad genius argument, or the brain in the vat thought experiment from Russel iirc.

Oh, and Matrix.

>>37430571
>You can't far as I know. But what attracts you tothis particular person?

She's strong and passionate and driven and kind. But honestly these are reasons I've come up with after spending more time with her. The truth is I don't know. I just get this amazing feeling whenever I'm with her or speak to her like everything is going to be ok. I want to spend all my time with her and when we talk I am genuinely interested in what she has to say (I'm normally not). I haven't felt like this in many years.

>>37431482
Do you mean Descartes' evil genius argument? I love that shit

>>37431607
Yeah, that. I mean, the evil genius part goes about "he could screw everything we can know, EVEN MATHEMATICS WHICH IS LIKE THE MOST CERTAIN THING WE CAN GET"

Then he takes two shitty proofs of god out of his ass to get away from that dead end in his second chapter, and get out of solipsism.

But yeah, the evil genius is just matrix. And the brain in the vat.

And matrix.

Welcome in philosophy.

>>37426916
>I've only raped 2 girls.

Not sure I can handle this shit tonight. I'm back. Give me a minute to sift through the thread.

>>37427856

I do th same. I've practiced my English this way since I was 15 and long before that, I did it too, in my mothertongue. I think I did it as soon as I could speak, to make up for the absence of communication from my "parents". I have a whole life story about this deal. It changed with my age, but as I grew up, it was like giving conferences to invisible crowds about various subjects or doing interviews with invisible journalists. Verbalising helps thinking. I've worked on my thesis through this method. Now that I'm completely alone, I'll sometimes spend an hour or two discussing various subjects in various ways. I genuinely believe it helps releave loneliness, though it's sad as fuck when you actually had someone to converse with.

>>37427856
>>37431742
If that can help, I do that shit all the time.

I even think in english AND french at the same time sometimes.

>>37431482
Hey Frenchy long time, how're you holding up?
>>37431584
Seems like you're obsessing unhealthily. Have you gotten this way over other girls?
>>37431672
Hey Nick glad you're back. Take your time, but not much happened yet today.

>>37429449

All it takes is one person. Back in the beginning, I held the thread on my own, simply by engaging people. It takes one person. But someone has to do the work. When I was doing this full time, the thread would always go over 500 posts. It only takes one person, it just can't be me nowadays.

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Hey Atlas, go cast a Charm of Reduced Weight you tubby little tit witch!

>>37431783
Name says it all.

My life is a fucking mess, even if nothing really changed since last time, but it's still a mess nonetheless

Also hi pal, don't fucking an hero, dying is a fucking meme

>>37431644
>Welcome in philosophy.

Welcome TO philosophy.

>>37431672
Why do you make threads to help us if the things we do or say upset you so much? Isn't that bad for yourself?

>>37431839
It alright, grammar mit alcohol ist nicht ein gut Idee

Right now I don't give a buck about mistakes or even

Well, I jsut don't give a damn in all honesty. But hello tho

>>37431783
>Seems like you're obsessing unhealthily. Have you gotten this way over other girls?

once or twice when i was a teenager, but never like this. And yes you're right, it's too much - that's why I asked. I don't want to completely forget about her because we've been getting pretty close recently. I feel like if i asked her out she might actually say yes. I just need to tone it down a bit.

>>37431874

If it didn't affect me, I couldn't help you. That's how it works. My empathy is what enables me to give you something, which is what helps, beyond the technicalities. The price is that it affects me.

Just sometimes I have to ground myself and remember that there's no such thing as "only" raping 2 women. Crazy is infectious.

As to being bad for myself, in my better days of worse days, any problems that weren't my own were a boon to me. Not so much nowadays because I can't do it full time.

Nails through my hands are OK when I'm eviscerated, don't worry about it.

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Alcohol solves fucking everything


But I don't like the taste, that's a shame

Questions about normal childhood and having real parents:

- did your father teach you to shave? If yes, how?

- how did you get your first deodorant?

- did your parents dress you up when you were a kid? did they check on your appearance before you went to school?

My answers, and I'd like to know how normal they are:

I never learned to shave, I just did what seemed to work, until recently when I read about shaving techniques.

I got stinky as a teen, was never told about any of that, got a reputation for smelling before I was forced to ask for some. It didn't help that I had learned to shower only once a week, and was almost punished for taking more showers than that, when I started smelling like a horny teen.

My parents never checked my appearance and never taught me to. I went to school unkempt, never looked at myself, never even considered it a thing. This made me very isolated as I looked strange to all the other kids. I had no idea about anything. I had pink trainers for some reason. I hadn't even considered the colour. It's like everything was done for me without me being engaged in it, without considering anything. Parents can't buy pink shoes for their boy without being aware of what they're doing, right? Imbeciles or evil fucks? You decide.

>>37432069

Take a tampon, soak it, shove it up your ass. Be careful.

>>37432111

Kek still loves me. Thank you, Kek.

>>37432069
If you 'don't like the taste of alcohol' you haven't tried enough types of alcohol.

>>37432111
Fuck, that might work.

And it'd be less expensive, more time efficient. I like it

Might try one day pal

>>37432097
>did your father teach you to shave? If yes, how?
Yes, by making me shave him. Once. So that doesn't count as teaching me

>how did you get your first deodorant?
- Bought myself one. Randomness was a factor, no one really helped me

>did your parents dress you up when you were a kid? did they check on your appearance before you went to school?
No. I picked "what I wanted" and wore what I "wanted". Turns out I never liked clothes because of my body. But they never commented on how I should dress. In fact, their advices were always wrong.

I never had real parents. I'm teaching them things. They're children that can't communicate properly. I'm a self made man.

I fucking hate them all

>>37432183
I actually enjoy peach liquor.

I did drink rhum, vodka, wine (all sorts of, the good ones are good), beer (many different sorts), pastis, and I can't recall the rest

Yer just a meme man

>>37432097
>father teach you to shave?
Only after my uncle asked me why the fuck do i let that weird stache on my face when i was 14 and i guess he talked to my dad, he then just gave me the razor and showed me where to shave
>first deodorant
I actually used them before i was a teenager because my mom taught me to use them
>appearance
Now this is a weird situation. When i went to school i could wear any shitty unironed shirt with dirty pants, but when we went out as a "family" he wouldnt let me come dressed casually, i HAD to wear fancy clothes, even when i go now to the mall, if he sees me with casual "training" pants he would say that im an embarasment if i go out like that

I fucking hate him, mom doesnt know how much i do. I cant do that to her

>>37432183

I'm the same. I like Italian white wines though usually dislike white whine. I like some red wines, and I like some beers, though my palate is delicate. I like my coffee full of milk and sugar, like a baby.

>>37432261

Yes, but be careful. It's a Russian method and many got into a coma with it. The anus is very absorbant. You'll get anally wasted in no time.

>>37432097
>- did your father teach you to shave? If yes, how?
not really, iirc he just told me to use the shaver,
also I only ever used electric shavers

>- how did you get your first deodorant?
probably a birthday gift with a perfume too, also always bought one when went on school trip of multiple days

>- did your parents dress you up when you were a kid? did they check on your appearance before you went to school?
yes, and when I started getting dressed on my own they kinda told me if I screwed up matching clothes, but I never cared and still don't care

>>37432261
I have no problem with being a meme, so long as I'm a meme with alcohol.

>>37432289
>dislike white whine
FUCKING BLM APOLOGIST REEEEE

My family is a fucking mess and saying I even have one is an insult to the concept of family itself

Fun fact: A couple of days ago, I actually told myself "Wait, I have a family and a brother"

I even forget their existence because they're so unrelated to me

>>37432289
I need new stuff in my life, tired of this monotony

>>37432311
>You enjoy alcohol once you drink enough of it
Stockholm syndrom at its best

Can't deny it's a nice syndrom though, trip related.

>>37432339

I normally really hate it. It tastes like shit to me, except that Italian one I had in a gastronomic restaurant.

>>37432372
I was making a little joke about 'whine' vs 'wine'

>>37432400

I missed that entirely, twice. Didn't even realise I wrote "whine".

I should be punished with White Whiner as my new name.

>>37432400
You use one to drown the other.

Haha it's not even a joke

https://youtu.be/OnCOBRn7Ktg

analyze this song and tell me what state i was in when i recorded it

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Ok guys gimme a yes or no,

>Am pretty sad this week because I came back from vacation where I had an awesome time, but life sucks where I live
>Also something pretty harsh happened at work which threw me in a full blown sadness all day
>Like literally sad as fuck, nothing positive going on in my mind
>This evening I calmed myself down a bit, but this afternoon I was thinking about seing a doctor because it just wasn't normal how sad I was feeling

Should I go to doctor tomorrow or just take it easy and postpone it till something similar happens?

>>37432523

https://www.depression-anxiety-stress-test.org/take-the-test.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/tests/health/mental-health-assessment

>>37432501
Did you listen to Nirvana before writing the lyrics? "Can't take my freedom" seems like something they would talk about in a fuck-the-system song

>>37432566

I have listened to a lot of nirvana but it wasn't done intentionally

Is there a song where they say that lyric? I can't place it or are you just thinking it's something like they would do?

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Sobriety is boring.

>>37432548
hmm.. of course this kind of test is pretty trivial, but I did score high on depression (really low on stress and tension tho) would this be reason enough?

>>37432523
If you've got enough strength to go see a doctor, I wouldn't doubt it.

I'd love to go to one but can't be assed to.

>>37432548
>Depression
39
>Anxiety
29
>Stress
24

I went from 37 depression to 39, anxiety was 25 before if i remember correctly, and stress the same as now, all within 2-3 weeks. I thought and felt better during the days, but when im alone i guess its different.

>>37432662
I guess which also weighs in for me is, I was in a similar situation a couple years ago and also then went to talk to this therapist a couple times, which I guess helped me calm down and put things in perspective, but didn't make THAT much of a difference you know?

So I guess I'm having doubts about doing that again

>>37431964
>If it didn't affect me, I couldn't help you. That's how it works.
If my clients affected me, and if I had empathy for them, I wouldn't be able to help any of them. My lack of empathy and my amorality are what enable me to give to others.
My point is empathy isn't required to help others. I sincerely doubt you'd be an incompetent mind reader or counselor if you chose not to let yourself be affected.

>>37432644
>this kind of test is pretty trivial

It's not. I've done professional tests given to me by my therapist and the scores are very close to those two tests, so I hold those two in good esteem. They're reliable. The questions are the same you'd get from a professional depression assessment test.

And yes, any score above "normal" on depression should get your serious attention. Don't wait until it's much worse.

>>37432590
I got the same vibe from your song as a nirvana song. Cant pinpoint their lyrics tho, only song that comes to mind now is "The man who sold the world" which kinda has its theme around freedom

>>37432758
>not 43 in depression
Get out of my board reeeeeeeee ect

>>37432830
Hmm yeah I think that did it for me thanks

>>37432790
>My point is empathy isn't required to help others.

If you're a surgeon, sure. But if your aim is to relate to others, understand their problems, make them feel understood by actually understanding them, then you'll need empathy, or it won't work at all. I'm not a mind-reader. I don't read minds, I understand people.

As to choosing not to be affected, that's not an option for me. Mandatory compassion is my lot.

>>37432839

>"The man who sold the world"
>Nirvana song

Try again.

>>37432844
Haha lol so funny lol xd

>>37432891
They did a cover of it on MTV unplugged, and it seemed to suit their stile a lot, i love their version more than the original

>>37432942
>They did a cover of it on MTV unplugged

Friend, I grew up on Nirvana. Telling me this is like me telling you Donald Trump is an American president.

Their version isn't significantly different from the original.

Most of the unplugged songs that weren't theirs were completely different from what they normally did.

>>37433000
I just came up with a song i knew they sang that gave me that vibe, sorry if i fucked up

>>37432097
No, I was never taught how to shave. I've only ever done so a handful of times in my life. I don't recall the how my first deodorant was obtained. Perhaps my mother bought it. As a young child, aspects of my appearance was kept in check but not rigidly. With the escalating wildness of my situation, this declined further.

>>37433038
*were kept in check.
What a fun day.

Ok so my brain is kinda fucked up, I have reallly severe ADHD-I, and need medication to function in society. I didn't know I had it until I was in high school, when they basically put me in the Special Ed class (they thought I was autistic, because I would do absolutely fuck-all in class) with the actual Autistic kids and downs kids. So eventually my mom got pissed about me being in the tardbrigade and took me to a psychiatrist, who diagnosed me and put me on concerta, which basically fixed everything. But for my entire school life I was told I was either mentally "slow", or just flat out stupid. I developed something Called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, where any criticism or negative comment towards me set me into a full blown rage (also one reason they put me in Tardclass), as well as generalized anxiety and a deep sense of self loathing (which I still have).

>>37433037

You didn't fuck up, don't worry. Maybe I sounded harsh or something. I didn't mean to.

>>37432881
Providing support and understanding is part of my job description, and I never needed empathy to do that. You don't need to empathize with someone to understand them, you just need to know what they're going through and how it affects them. And in order to provide support, you only need to know how to read people so you can figure out which approach works best.

>>37431828
Best one so far!
>>37431836
Don't worry, name is a joke. But why do you feel worse that usual?
>>37431877
Don't be offended, but have you wver been in a serious relationship before?
>>37432169
I still like you too Nick.

>>37433091
>You don't need to empathize with someone to understand them,

>>37433091
>you just need to know what they're going through and how it affects them.

You must have a strange definition of empathy if you don't think that knowing what someone goes through and how it affects them isn't empathy.

I doubt you could help me much with anything without a lot of empathy.

>>37433311
Lackluster. Everything is. I am not a happy man.

Who here believes in life after death?

>>37433371
I have some counterintuitive views on that subject. Doubt they'll interest you.

>>37433120
>Don't be offended, but have you wver been in a serious relationship before?

nah i haven't. was it that obvious? lol

>>37433440

Since I asked, I am interested.

>>37432097
>Questions about normal childhood and having real parents:
Ok here we go.
>did your father teach you to shave? If yes, how?
Had me watch him shave, then had me try. Was there to correct mistakes and tell me how to stop the bleeding when I cut myself. Was how my dad taught me most everything.
>how did you get your first deodorant?
School handed them out roughly 3rd-5th grades, elementary school just befpre puberty.
>did your parents dress you up when you were a kid? did they check on your appearance before you went to school?
Yes. Mom still does the checking on appearance, just to get me to roll my eyes at her and blush a bit in embarrasment.

No Nick, your childhood experiences listed here are Not normal. Unfortunately, they aren't all that uncommon.

>>37433342
Why is that? What happened?

>>37433371
I honestly don't know. I'd like there to be one, so I could talk with my deceased relatives. And I have my Faith, which won't be discussed here, avoiding flamewar as much as possible. But I just do not know for certain.

>>37433446
Yes. You sound a lot like me with my first love over half a decade ago that broke me for years. I'd thought it was temporary, but that damage has been worsened recently and I don't think I'll recover.

>>37433454
Well, I don't know how much I care to say. I'm fucking angry and feel like smashing something. But since you ask, I'll give you something.

My view has been called generic subjective continuity by Thomas Clark, who influenced my position. The idea is that a subjective state of nothingness is a contradiction in terms, that your identity as a coherent "you" stretching from birth to death is largely an illusion, and that wherever systems give rise to experiential states is where "you" will find yourself. I can clarify or give more examples/thought experiments if I'm unclear.

>>37433524
>Had me watch him shave, then had me try. Was there to correct mistakes and tell me how to stop the bleeding when I cut myself. Was how my dad taught me most everything.

How do you stop the bleeding? I don't cut myself when I shave, but I don't know of any specific way to stop the bleeding. I'd just let it bleed for a bit; it stops by itself.

Your dad taught you things. That's great. I learned to fish without maggots, not exactly fly-fishing but close to it. It's probably the only thing I learned from my father. It was mostly because he didn't like fishing alone. I don't think he enjoyed teaching me anything.

>>37433571

Sounds a lot like Buddha's idea of the self.

Before my descent into hell I was fairly Christian and believed in souls. While I no longer have faith, I can't reduce consciousness to anything comprehensible.

>>37433578
>I'd just let it bleed for a bit; it stops by itself.
Thats most of the point. But it can be helpful to put some tiny bit of toilet paper on the wound, to help blood pool up.

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>>37433578
>how do you stop the bleeding
Small corner of toilet paper, size of a pinkie fingernail, and press to the cut for a 10-count. By then it'll adhere to the cut and absorb any more blood that runs out, holding it in place. Also your dad is a lot of words I don't wanna type, so have pic related I sent to a friend instead.

>>37433617
It is very much a naturalistic conception of rebirth. Requires no supernatural metaphysics and when you consider that "your" state of "nonexistence" prior to your birth didn't persist for eternity, it seems to make intuitive sense. I think Buddhism gets a fair amount right.

Shaving technique I read about:

- apply foam
- shave with the grain, only
- apply foam again
- shave against the grain

It works great for close-shaves and minimises cuts and soreness. I was amazed when I tried it out.

Internet is my dad. sadfaec.jpg

>>37433134
Empathy involves feelings and emotional contagion.
I know what people go through and how it affects them because I have a rational understanding of how they work. I don't feel what they feel, but I know how what they feel works.
The one thing I can't do is make people feel like I feel their pain. But I make up for it by being level-headed and non-judgmental no matter the circumstances.
I could take a client who has "only raped two women" and be as civil and helpful with him as I am with any other client, because it's not my job to judge or punish him. My job is to help him piece his life back together.

>>37433524
>Yes. You sound a lot like me with my first love over half a decade ago that broke me for years. I'd thought it was temporary, but that damage has been worsened recently and I don't think I'll recover.

Shit so you still haven't recovered?

(thanks for talking to me - and the others - by the way)

>>37429699
>I'm just gonna pop into this conversation as someone who has been drinking not socially, but to run away from his problems for the last roughly 2 - 3 years and only thing I can tell you is, that it won't keep working as well as it does now.
>If you're anything like me, that window of "good emotion" when you're drunk will be getting smaller and smaller. Also you will have to drink much more.
>Just saying.

No I understand, that's quite worrying actually

>>37430571
>Have you tried re-finding those feeings you used to get from your hobbies from something else?

Well I play guitar and very occassionally it actually makes me very happy. I rarely 'get into' it as much as I used to however. For something that's my passion supposedly, I hate the fact that I don't take the time to learn new shit ever. I learn something new every three weeks which is awful. I just can't sit down and take the time to learn something.

>>37433696
I do have to make it clear, since a certain strain of materialist thinkers will decry this as "wishful thinking" borne of an inability to accept the condition of death, that this is by no means an optimistic viewpoint as I understand it. It has extremely disturbing implications that I have historically preferred to keep to myself because of just how difficult they were to grapple with.

>>37433699
I always just use a disposable razor and water. It's imperfect, but what isn't?

>>37433688

I've actually seen this in movies but never realised it was just TP bits; I thought it was some specific item designed for that. I had never learned about applying TP bits until it sticks.

Fucking hell.

Everything I learned I invented on my own and I probably don't know some insanely basic things most people know.

You can insult my parents as you see fit. I benefit from other people's opinions on them.

>>37433722
>I have a rational understanding of how they work.

Knowing the molecular structure of water doesn't tell you anything about swimming. You might still be able to help on a very mechanical level, but no empathy there, so it won't help in other ways.

>I could take a client who has "only raped two women" and be as civil and helpful with him as I am with any other client, because it's not my job to judge or punish him. My job is to help him piece his life back together.

So can I. I've talked civilly with people who brutally murdered cute animals. I reserve the right not to be civil, however. I'm not here as a professional.

What's your job?

>>37433785

Didn't see it that way. That non-existence didn't persist for eternity sort of implies that you "not existed" before you "existed", which sounds off. You don't not exist until you do, and then cease to.

Original Buddhism didn't believe in souls that reincarnate, just that consciousness wasn't an entity that was one, more like water in a river, never the same.

I always preferred Christianity over Buddhism; nowadays I don't know anymore.

>>37433730
Was recovering, had a new girl who was into me, then after a bit over a year she moved to a college closer to where I lived and she started messing around with other guys. I know of at LEAST one, there were probably more. So after having every romantic relationship I've ever had crash and burn due to cheating, I'm fucking done. And of course, no problem. I enjoy helping people when I can.
>>37433759
Have you looked for new things that give you the same feelings your old hobbies did?
>>37433814
For raising a kid as badly as they did, I have no words to grasp the level of failure.

>>37433807

Just a razor and water? Either your razor is the sharpest thing in the Queendom, or your beard is the weakest beard in it.

>>37433987
Extremely weak beard. Just a few spidery bristles on my chin. The rest of my beard is, unfortunately, keeping my shoulders warm.

>>37434018

Is that a neckbeard joke?

Or do you have some massive side beard?

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>>37434018
Must be nice. I can't fucking deal with this mess I call bodyhair. I have to use two different fucking blades when I actually shave just the neckbeard to get everything. A little more than half of my neckbeard dulls a fucking razorblade. Thats why I just use electric trimmers every morning, then by evenings like right now I look like this:

>>37434065
I have hairy shoulders but can't grow a beard worth shit, I'm sorry to say. Just enough to annoy me once a day.

>>37433979
>So after having every romantic relationship I've ever had crash and burn due to cheating,

I know how you feel, my ex didn't necessarily cheat on me but she turned into a turbo slut after we broke up, I still felt like I was cheated on though for some odd reason.

>>37433979
>Have you looked for new things that give you the same feelings your old hobbies did?

There isn't much I can do as I'm friendless. I'm considering just forcing myself to learn shit on guitar, see if that makes me feel any better.

Thanks for trying to help, but it seems all I can do just about now is complain about my situation, I have no idea how to move forward really.

>>37434088

Am I looking at some massie turbo cock of the lumberjack variety? A hairy mastercock of the forest.

I assume it's your neck upside down. Every image I saw of you hints at a very manly man.

I have a beard too, but only around my mouth, and not that level of thickness. I have a woman's hands and very thin wrists.

>>37434091

Hairy shoulders are annoying. I have developped a very small amount of that in recent years. Bairely noticeable, but still hairs in the wrong place.

>>37433975
From the way I hear them talk, people seem to believe "they" were somehow lying in wait in the void until their body was born and their physicality could manifest, the cessation of which prohibits the process from ever being repeated. Strange. New experiential states merely come into being, go out of being, and new ones arise. The seeming connectedness of slices of an individual's consciousness throughout life is seems to be merely a function of memory. This all does raise a lot of questions I have not yet found a good answer for.

>>37434153
My gf calls them furry pauldrons. It'd much rather have a beard.

>>37434185
>furry pauldrons

That's funny. I learned the word "pauldron" with 40k. I used to live assembling and painting Space Marines.

Now I dread ever going back, because LO isn't around anymore.

Whenever I get back home, it stabs my heart that she is not here to run at me like she used to.

I need to pull a Robin Williams this summer.

>>37434088
And goddammit my picture fell over again. Today has been such bullshit. First my fucking shoe fell apart now my picture falls completly upside down.
>>37434118
Probably because she didn't put out for you and you had to work for the same thing she started giving away for free.
There's plenty you can do friendless, long as you have pocketchange. Get out into nature and hike something, or just go try something new.
>>37434140
That made me laugh way too hard, needed that. Been a long day. And I am a very hairy redneck man, yes. My last ex actually called me her teddy bear when we'd cuddle together. Way back in high school sports I was known as sasquatch. Also was a work nickname too. Even the tops of my feet are hairy like a damn hobbit.

>>37434249
>Robin Williams
Don't you fucking Dare!

>>37434250
>First my fucking shoe fell apart now my picture falls completly upside down.

And it's all right. I read that thinking negatively secures pathways in your brain so that your brain will think negatively more easily next time, and so on and so forth.

4chan fucking up pics is fine, it happens. No fear.

>>37434250

I guess the ladies like a lumberjack, plus you work and live on a real farm.

You're not hairier than Robin Williams, right?

>>37433979
>>>37433730
>Was recovering, had a new girl who was into me, then after a bit over a year she moved to a college closer to where I lived and she started messing around with other guys. I know of at LEAST one, there were probably more. So after having every romantic relationship I've ever had crash and burn due to cheating, I'm fucking done. And of course, no problem. I enjoy helping people when I can.


That's rough man. I don't know if I'd be able to cope with that. The thought of someone doing that to me is frightening.

People always say when you stop looking, it appears right in front of you. I hope you find it. Hell, I hope we both do.

>>37434250
>Probably because she didn't put out for you and you had to work for the same thing she started giving away for free.

Something like that, you might be right actually. We had sex a lot 2bh, but I think the way she turned into such a disgusting slut, just any guy could fuck her if they smiled at her, I cared about her still and to see someone I cared for be such a way really upset me. It was my own fault though.

>>37434169
Not interested in continuing? Do you have any strong opinions about "life after death?" Read much bout NDEs? I don't put much stock in them.

>>37433901
I'm a social worker and trust me, I help on an emotional level far more than on a mechanical one.
You might talk civilly with people who go against your moral standards, I've met many people who were able to do that despite having healthy empathy levels. But none of them can hide their empathy and what they really think. I've always been seen as a monster by professionals who tried to help me. They were civil, but it was always there in the corner of their eye that I am a disgusting person.
My perk is that I don't do that because I couldn't judge people even if I tried. A lot of people need someone to talk to who can remain absolutely neutral no matter what.

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Don't open pic unless you want to see hairy moobs. You've been warned.

>>37434300
Its read in more of a sigh then anger. Today hasn't been my day.
You tell me. Also I'm fucking burnt from work which is just adding onto my great mood. I'm never good at comparing. I legitimately cannot tell the difference even between navy and black pants.
>>37434330
>That's rough man. I don't know if I'd be able to cope with that. The thought of someone doing that to me is frightening
Multiply that by every single romantic relationship you've had. That's why my self-esteem and confidence are well into the negative thousands.
>>37434381
I know EXACTLY what you mean, aka my first relationship. It's a tough pill to swallow.

>>37433901
Also, a lot of people need to talk to someone who will not add their own empathy to an already emotionally charged situation. I have colleagues who broke down due to how straining it is for them sometimes when they need to handle something especially bad.

And when I specced in criminal law, I wanted to be a lawyer. Criminal lawyers are hindered by their empathy, I know people in the field who get physically sick working on rape or longterm abuse cases. I wanted to do that because none of that makes me sick, so I figured I'd be useful. But in the end, it's a very, very boring job.

I don't even know what my "mental illness" is called so it's very hard to seek help. would it be OCD? or just anxiety?

It's difficult to describe but it basically feels like a checklist in my head, where once I've checked off all the items I'll be able to relax, but the checklist never ends. The checklist is comprised of trivial shit like "which phone should I buy?" Or "which operating system should I use?" and I often spend days and weeks pondering a single one of these questions out of fear that I'll make the wrong decision.

it sounds harmless but I've literally stayed in bed for months at a time just because I couldn't finish the checklist. And the checklist keeps getting longer and longer and each item gets more and more trivial and stupid (e.g. should I eat an apple or yogurt right now?)

I haven't played a video game or watched a movie in over 6 months, because I keep telling myself "once the checklist is complete you'll be free to do whatever you want" but it never fucking ends and all I've been doing is fucking THINKING

>>37434595
Have a go at this test, if you like.
http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/do-i-have-ocd

>>37434595
to reiterate on this, it feels like I'm living life and making decisions manually. Like, before I had this problem most decisions just *came* to me naturally/automatically, but now I have to work for weeks and months to decide and along the way I'm constantly second guessing myself. I can't fucking take it anymore

>>37434693
Have you made any traumatic mistakes before? Or made a choice that led to something terrible?

Sometimes I will talk to myself in my car. Mostly talking shit about other people, or about how the world is fucked. But then I respond to myself right after, telling my self that I'm a pretentious, lazy piece of shit.
What is this?

>>37434780
Normalcy, assuming this is your only issue.

>>37434780
Does the voice that berates you sound different than your normal voice? Different inflections, different tone, anything?

Well, I'm taking off. Later. Maybe.

>>37434934
Hope to see you around again meta.

Damn, just as I'm wrapping up with my business here

>>37435010
What do you mean?
Fuck you too robot.

>>37434693
>>37434595
This sounds very much like what I experienced when I had anxiety problems. Although, me relating to what you wrote doesn't mean we have the same mental issues.

Back then I kept telling myself "once you're done with the to-do list you'll be free to go to sleep" but there was no end to the list, trivial decisions kept adding up, things I never had thought about before but couldn't take out of my mind back then. I was paralyzed by the list and so scared of fucking it up, I avoided any opportunity I had to do things. Choices became harder and harder until even the most basic daily choices turned into an ordeal.

I don't know about OCD, but anxiety can be broken down into components and causes if you look deeper. It's a multi-faceted beast you can eventually link together as one big fear monster with many far-reaching tentacles. OCD is more compulsive and as far as I know, isn't as much about fear, insecurity, or self-esteem as anxiety is.

>>37435047
I mean that I'm done with my brother now so I have a bit of time to post ITT. I think I could have made something of a gaffe. My brother's bf just had a death in the family. I didn't offer my condolences or even mention it. I just didn't see what there was to say. However, it may have been a breach of protocol. I suppose a simple 'I'm sorry for your loss'. But it would have come off insincere and artificial. After all, I've never met the woman. I certainly don't feel strongly enough to apologise for hear death.

>>37435137
Who would you apologize to? Your brother or his bf?

>>37435137
Did they bring it up while you were there, or was the subject avoided?

>>37435170
His bf I suppose. That's what people do, I think

>>37435204
I spoke to my brother about it before his bf was there and we spoke frankly about it. His bf however is rather more fragile and we're not close. Thus I didn't bring it up.

>>37435228
Eh. By now, at most, I'd apologize to your brother for not thinking it would upset his significant other that you didn't offer your condolences. Anything more is just asking for unnecesary drama

>>37435269
Yeah I'll just leave it then. I sent a card, that'll do.

>>37435269
>>37435285
Exactly this Facet. Any more'll come off insincere.

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I actually had some mildly interesting developments in therapy today but it's late so I'll wait until tomorrow - i.e. after my second of two therapy sessions - and regale you then. Night all.

Anyone here ever hit their parents? I've hit both of them but only my mom ever fights back.

>>37435390
Later Facet. I'll try observing thread as much as possible, you got me curious.

>>37435418
What? I never hit either. My dad only Hit me once. And I deserved it that time too.

>>37435501
You should try it sometime, its even better when they forget about it a few days later.

>>37435523
What is wrong with your parents anon? And why do you hit them?

>>37435568
Dad is a passive beta and my mom is an interfering cow.

>>37435609
I'm going to need more context anon. What the fuck is even going on with your family?

>>37435649
Dad would rather sit watching TV stroking his face than engage with us as a real father, you're lucky to get one word answers from him most of the time after a long silence.

Mom just pisses me off because she's a women.

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Just feel stuck,24, failed school I've had about 3 or 4 months to lose about 20 pounds so I could go in Air Force. I tried for 3 weeks did good and then just....stopped trying. Parents pointed it out and said what the hell you have to want something with yourself and I just didn't know how to respond. I just kinda don't care about anything really I have moments where I have fun and all but majority of the time I'm just here.

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Don't insult the robot
>>37435705
What does your dad watch? And what's your sizes, comparativly?

Why do you hate women?

>>37435753
Sounds like you've become depressed Anemone. Welcome to the club. If you can seek a mental health professional as soon as possible.

>>37435774
>What does your dad watch?
Any old shit, mostly repeats of 40 year old TV shows that he's seen before.
>And what's your sizes, comparativly?
I'm 6ft and he's 5ft
>Why do you hate women?
Same reason why many people here don't like them.

>>37435803
>can seek
can, seek
Punctuation is important.

>>37435803
I'll try, I usually just ignore it and find something to distract me. Then It's 5 in the morning my parents are about to go to work, my friends got off xbox and I'm just sitting in my room staring at wall.

>>37435815
>repeats of 40 year old TV
Sounds like your dad is a tired old man. Why bully him?
>I'm 6ft and he's 5ft
By sizes I meant builds, not just height.
>Same reason why many people here don't like them.
They don't even see you in the background of their lives?
>>37435881
>I usually just ignore it and find something to distract me.
Tried that for 5 years now, hasn't worked yet. It always gets you in the quiet, lonely moments. There it festers until it can drown you even when you're out with friends where you should be having fun.

>>37435949
>>repeats of 40 year old TV
>Sounds like your dad is a tired old man. Why bully him?
Becuase I want a real dad like you see on movies and out and about.
>>I'm 6ft and he's 5ft
>By sizes I meant builds, not just height.
I'm lanky and he's probably got a bit of muscle, so probably about the same weight.
>>Same reason why many people here don't like them.
>They don't even see you in the background of their lives?
I really hate women, /r9k/ has taken me down the rabbit hole.

>>37436002
And you think hitting him will achieve this? From what you've said he could probably hurt you, but doesn't care enough. A father letting his kid hit him has given up on life.
But why do YOU hate them? Do you have a sister? Has any woman ever personally wronged you or one of your friends?

>>37426295
I'm in a discord for personalty disorders and other psychological issues if anyone here is interested. HdbGvg

>>37436378
What's a discord? Never used one.

>>37435949
I'm starting to feel those moments more and more lately

>>37436526
That's the sign you need help. Don't let it go on until joy is a rare feeling like me.

Is it possible to ever regain a zest for life once you've lost it? I almost feel like an alien because of how detached I've become from everyone. Depression is part of it, sure, but I don't know if I'll ever feel content again after this.

>>37436867
>after this.
What happened to you anon?

>>37437008
It was really two things. One was a poor home life growing up where my parents had horrible fights that lasted days coupled with drug abuse. Another was (and is) a form of depression which manifests mainly through Apathy and Anhedonia. In the second half of high school, I gradually lost interest and pleasure in everything in the world until I had nothing left. Now, I've just graduated, and am about to head off to a good college. All things considered, I should be really happy, but I just can't feel it. Sure, it's partly because of the Depression, but I fear my life is changed permanently by this experience. How can I care about anything again when it's been stolen from me so painfully? How will I ever relate to another person?

>>37437234
First, are you currently recieving mental help, with someone psych certified? If not start there, they will certainly help. My circumstances aren't nearly as severe as yours, but I've allowed depresson to fester in me for years, and it hasn't gone away. You need help. Serious, professional help anon. Please look for it in your area.

>>37437331
I went to a therapist but it did nothing. He would ask how my week's been, I say whatever solution I've been trying, tell how the last one hasn't worked, and he would recommend me for pills. I didn't feel any gratification for doing it. There are some psychological problems, yeah - I've got a fear of intimacy, for one - but they're nothing compared to the fact that I can't really feel emotion.

But I still don't know. I rejected the idea of Depression for so long because it just seemed too ridiculous what was happening, and although I accept it now, I still don't understand it. No matter what I do, I feel empty. If pills are the only solution, how is that so? Were there people in the past who got randomly fucked over and couldn't like things until they died? Either way I'm almost completely alone, with only a handful of forum posts on the internet that claim a similar experience. I know I've got to be my own role model at this point, but it's so difficult when you're so uninformed about the problem you face.

Do you know about CBT?

>>37437456
>Do you know about CBT?
No, care to enlighten me?
>Were there people in the past who got randomly fucked over and couldn't like things until they died?
Unfortunately, now keep in mind this is all my personal speculation from this point, but I believe that people are less happy now than at any other point in recorded human history. We take life for granted, when our ancestors' version of happiness was surviving through a winter without anyone dying of disease or hunger. We don't Achieve life anymore, it is given to us. And without that struggle we are left to revel in meaningless activities. I personally believe that humans, deep down, NEED to struggle for their survival else our minds fall apart.

>>37437624
Possibly yeah. That would be the tip of the hierarchy of needs, which appears harder and harder to attain now. We seem to be in a really precarious place where the mainstream Western world has more or less accepted Nihilism, and expects people to just get lost in the passing pleasures, though it often feels hollow at the core. I feel like my rational end-point in that domain is philosophy, since everything else treats the subject kind of trivially.

Still, when pleasure is there, it's beautiful. There's almost no greater feeling that having friends and a sense that you're going through something important. I have no doubt that if my emotions could work again, I'd get lost in that, because I've never felt it much to begin with. The real killer about Depression is that it makes everything look shitty when it doesn't specifically have to be. If we experience the world a certain way, then for us, it is that way. With that logic, I haven't lost hope.

CBT stands for Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy. I've heard it's amazing, but I know nothing about it. If someone here's willing to explain what it is and why it helps, I'd be grateful.

>>37437779
Meaning in life before the West's rise was in staying alive. Now there is no meaning and without that meaning people are lost. This sinks nations then the survivors will be back to surviving.

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I don't get it. If I had to speak to God right now, or 'wake up' thus from this existence, I'd utter those four words. How do you derive happiness from what you can't even prove exists? How many leaps and assumptions must one conveniently stuff behind their back because there's no such thing as a truly coherent or structurally sound prescriptive argument

I don't get it, anons. Is this some game? I'm honestly on Lain-Level right now. I have ceased really seeing the 'self'. It appears to have faded into the background with everyone else.

>>37437847
Yeah, I know. I've just read this statement so many times and it seems solvable compared to the other problems I have. If we really care about figuring that one out, there's plenty of analysis we can do to get a closer answer. But I don't think I have a path to understanding my issue.

>>37437882
I don't even know what you're trying to say right now. You don't believe you exist?
>>37437941
I wish I knew how to help. How many different specialists have you been to?

>>37438074
One, because he was free. My insurance has been out for the longest time, and all this time I've been trying to get it renewed. It feels pathetic that my only idea now is to pop some pills and hope things improve, but that's all I can think of. I've meditated, exercised, took daily walks, read lots of literature, and tried to be outgoing, but nothing fixed the problem inside.

>>37438126
I'd say you need a second opinion, but I know how money problems are. Still trying to get a hold of anyone I can afford.
Brain problems are the worst. The brain helps you solve what's wrong with the rest of you, but there's nothing built-in to help fix your brain. Only solution is other brains to observe that one, and try to identify and correct its problems. Which is to say a very hit-or-miss solution in my opinion.

But here is where I take off, 7 hours until I go to work so need to try and get at least 2 hours sleep. Good luck anon, and you're always welcome to stop by in the next thread when people with more qualified opinions are on.

Bumpp. Survive, thread.

>>37434835
I don't notice any differences

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>>37426295
NEET for almost 2 years. No truly relevant experience and what I have isn't lengthy, but I do have a bachelor's degrees. What are my chances of getting a decent job in a relevant field? It's not a meme degree like communications it's basically "Information Systems" but by another name - grads with the degree from my school often had decent employment rates shortly after college.