>Hey virgin, I'm your new neighbor! How do you react?

I don't wanna live in the fucking city. I hate city people, I hate city noises, I hate city life.

>>37038941
By moving.

>Want to go for a drink later?
>hey let's go get icecream
Pretty hard.

>>37038941
*nervous awkward noises*

I would ignore her because I'm not interested in roasties.

"hey used up cum-slut, know any good burger joints nearby?"

Please use headphones please use headphones please use headphones please use headphones please use headphones please use headphones please use headphones please use headphones please use headphones please use headphones please use headphones please use headphones please use headphones please use headphones please use headphones please use headphones please use headphones please use headphones please use headphones please use headphones please use headphones please use headphones please use headphones please use headphones please use headphones.

>>37038998
What if she says there's one right between her legs?

>>37038998
why would you ask your new neighboor if she knows places nearby

>>37039022
tell her that i am being absolutely deadly serious and looking for actual burgers not yeast infections

>>37039022
Drop my drawers and show her my dirty asshole.

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>she can probably hear you shitting or masturbating

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>>37039045
>she can hear you watching anime

>>37039031
its all part of the master plan

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I would laugh heartily if someone legit called me a virgin. Even if I was thats some 80s tier insult shit, who cares

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>>37039071
>she can hear you shitposting on /r9k/

>How'd you know I was a virgin
>pls respond

>>37038941
Mumble awkwardly and then run back into the safety of my home

Please be like Maki-chan.

>>37038941
I'm not going to be a virgin after you fall asleep tonight.

>>37038941
Hey, wanna come have sex with me then lay up against me on the couch while i smoke a cigarette and drink some vodka?

pic related

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>>37039352
I ALWAYS FORGET TO ADD THE FUCKING PICTURES

>>37039352
was the pic really related?

>>37039113
I'd watch a movie with old Jimmy Numale as a secondary character

>>37039361
see >>37039360

oegerogoirgjo

i should've said "like pic related"

>Y-you too.
This is the only acceptable response.

>>37039036
this killed me, holy shit

>>37038941
I have the same exact shorts she does and I am UNIRONICALLY wearing them right now. BRANDY MELVILEEEEEE

Je ne parlais pas anglais.

>>37038941
ask if I can tongue her butt

>>37038941
What city is that?
It looks pretty comfy.

She wouldn't talked to me in the first place

>girl moved into my building a year or so ago
>literally never talked to her before
>sometimes observe her from my apartment window

Similar thing has actually happened to me but she hasn't introduced herself yet.

>>37039117
Do you moan when filling out the captcha or something?

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>tell the girl to fuck off
>be happy that I now live in a comfy city apartment

>>37039548
Nobody wants to fuck Frenchies. The correct answer is "no english" in a heavy Russian accent.

>>37038975
>Pretty hard.
For you ;)

Oar rig anal

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>>37039045
>she helps you shit
>she masturbaits you after

>>37039623
Are you kidding? Say you have an apartment in Paris and all the dumb sluts will date you just to crash at your place.

>>37039031
Go back inside my house awkwardly.

>>37039684
I want my dumb sluts to like me for who I pretend to be, not for what I pretend my material possessions are.

>mumble something awkwardly
>never uses the balcony again

>>37038941
>y-yes you too

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>>37038998
> Hey, you're my neighbor right?
what do

>>37038941
>Do you always meet new people by calling them virgins?
Depending on further developments I'd tell her to fuck off and/or flip her off

Talking to women isn't really that difficult when you realize that most of them aren't worth that much as people.

>>37038941
I wouldn't be living in the fucking city for one

Probably I'd make friends with her. If she was Catholic and not a cunt I'd go for it, but beyond that she's going to remain a friend.

>>37039602
Do you fill out captcha silently like some kind of weirdo?

>>37038975
>hey let's go get icecream
How many scoops?

HOW MANY SCOOPS?

>>37038975
I might be an autist but why would you want to do these things with a person you have never met before?

>>37038941
Tell her I am a fan.
Flex a 'cep.
And then ask her if she wants to hit the gym with me some time.

>>37039773
Because he's a virgin autist and has no concept of how getting girls actually works, he just likes to pretend that he does.

>>37039602
... you don't?

Oar rig anal

>>37039726
i-i-y-y-NICE TO MEET YOU, turn 360 and power walk away

wait until night time, get my black clothing/mask knock on her door and rape her. she doesn't know anyone so she probably won't report it
it's fool proof

>>37038941

Hey non virgin. You got any news that are actually interesting?

>>37039762
STOP USING THIS MEME.
Colbert is funny, and Trump is a dictator, you /pol/tards are so triggered just because he made fun of your bf Drumpf

>be in uni
>have two female neighbours in house next door
>friendliest and normiest in my house so I get invited to their parties
>turns out one of them is in the room connected to mine
>point this out to the girl
>"yeah, I know, I can hear you gaming at night"
>other girl seemingly obviously dislikes me for several reasons
>know that I made a shitty impression with my cute girl neighbours

And you know what, I really don't mind. Not everyone is going to like you, but that's just life, innit.

>>37039902
Except it is a big deal when you can count all the women in your life on one hand.

>>37039901
TWO SCOOPS! TWOOO SCOOOPS!

>>37039901
Colbert is a faggot and I'm ashamed that he shares my religion.

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>>37039901
>Trump is a dictator
>Colbert is funny

>>37038941
Thats cool slut, wanna help me out then?

>>37039941
Islam?

2secondmute

This basically happened to me once. I was one vacation at ~16 and I wasn't on the balcony when two stacies came outside on the balcony next to mine. I tried just looking at my phone and ignoring them but they leaned over and waved and were shouting hi and such. I felt so awkward I literally ingored the most entirely and went back in the room. I probably came off really dickish because they gave me nasty looks around the hotel after that.

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>i hope you dont have a dog. People that have dogs in flats should be summarily shot.

>>37038941
>"you're only living here because daddy pays your rent"

>>37039966
Was* on the balcony lul, phone posting is rough

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>>37038941
Hey, I'm a capricorn actually *while slowly tipping my beanie, reaching papa smurf levels of daddy*

Guaranteed pussy my dudes

>>37039553
New York

looks like the upper east side to me

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>>37039901

You don't belong here. Get out of here, faggot

>>37039933
Yeah, I guess that must hurt if you lose 40% of your female friend population in one move. Well, I guess the practical solution is to branch out socially so you don't get too attached to any single friendship.

>>37039901

Ironic shitposting is still shitposting. If you truly aren't baiting you need to go back to whatever shitty forum you came from

>>37039963
I'm Catholic

>4 fucking second mute BLOMPFTY

>>37040014
>branch out socially
Nigger don't say shit like that. Some people don't have the opportunities.

>>37038975
> would you like some tap water ?

>>37040059
I seriously doubt he goes to weekly mass fellow Catholibro

>>37040070
What do you mean?
Please don't ban me silence bot.

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>>37038941
<me reaction

>>37038941
Like a gentleman I push her away from that balcony ledge. She is kinda precariously standing near that ledge, who knows if she will trip and fall to her doom otherwise?

I then realize she has a lollypop or something on one of the chairs. She is risking her life and loitering. What an absolute piece of trash. Hopefully she will try to commit suicide again.

Wait a minute, she called me a virgin. Why? Why did she not care to learn my real name? She is now my number one enemy. She must be destroyed at all costs. I hope she does drugs, then I can bust her. Anything to get rid of this neighbor from hell.

Now knowing her to loiter and be suicidal, I know she will be a dangerous adversary to be around. I wait for her to cough, then blast loud music. I use this to justify why she is a terrible neighbor. Shouldn't have been trying to commit suicide in front of my face.

Under no circumstances will I treat her like a human being after what she has done. There is no going back. She fucked up big time. I can only imagine how dirty her house is. I pity the landlord. God I hate people.

>>37039726
What type of house is that? Looks adobe. Am I in Mexico? If so, I am in Hell. If so, I tell her the only thing you should tell a fellow denizen of Hell.

"I am sorry. You made the wrong choices in your life and ended up here. You practiced the wrong religion, did the wrong traditions, and now shall suffer for eternity. I am essentially your neighbor, but we won't be seeing each other. Mainly because my face will be ripped off and placed on a tree while you are getting continuously ass blasted by the locals. Enjoy, there is no escape. Fuck you for following me to damnation. Fuck you and burn in hell."

>implying i can afford a nice apartment in a city

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I know youre not gonna fuck me.
But oh nice to meet you

>>37038941
flip her off and go inside.

Ponder why anyone would ever think that ''hey virgin'' is a good icebreaker

>>37038941

Don't talk to me you fucking sandmonkey.

>>37039726
>>37038941
Hngggg she looks like Eva Lovia

>>37038941
*jumps off balcony*

That'll teach that bitch not to talk to me.

>>37039995
>I'm a capricorn actually
really good comeback. Makes it seem like the thought of you being a virgin doesn't even cross your mind. "Virgo" "Virgin" close enough sounding.
Well thought out anon

>>37038941

>Hey, my gf thinks you're hot, come over for a threesome, then leave

>tfw in real life she is just a vain, stupid, narcissistic, shallow insta-slut

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>>37041121
She has a super nice booty though.

>>37039726

>How does the bikini top go up like that? The wire under the tits must continue between them...very interesting
>use this as conversation starter
>go to touch it, cop a feel
>she becomes moist
>flirt and talk some more
>bj on the beach

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Tell her to fuck off, and proced to read my new H. P. Lovecraft book

Girls like this ALWAYS have boyfriends.

>>37038941
Throw trash in her balcony

>>37041239
Which is irrelavant if you're hot enough.

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>she is obviously joking, so I ask her why she makes that assumption, since I'm good looking anything I say can get me laid as long I'm nice, invite her to come over for drinks and netflix, see what goes from there

It is fairly obvious, she wouldn't initiate conversation like that if she didn't wonna fuck

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Remember: CHAD ALWAYS WINS
This girl wouldn't even consider you human

>>37038941
"how old is your daughter?"
oreg

>>37041410
dat jawIine

>Wanna come over? I'll eat your ass.
What response would this elicit?

>reach over and grab her arm
>yank her over the railing
>"she jumped officer"

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>Jump to her balcony
>push her inside while pulling her shorts down
>blindfold her and tell her to lie on her bed and not move
>she actually doesn't move
>go to her kitchen
>grab all her soft drinks and snacks
>jump back to my balcony and watch anime while eating her food
>feelsgoodman.jpg

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>>37038941
I seem to be fresh out of pussy. Can I borrow some?

>>37039726
If I am her neighbour
>positive response
If i am not her neighbour
>negative response

master conversationalist here

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>>37038941
by handing her the key to my chastity cage, obviously

run up on thaf bitch with a mac 10

>>37039902
*not anyone is going to like you

> Y-you too...

Super Sausorginal Pizza

>>37038975
>"...how kind of you, but no thanks I already have a boyfriend"

>>37038941
probably fall in love and jerk my tiny penis until someone moved

>>37038941
>hello im anon, nice to meet you. what is your name?

>>37039939
>>37039941
>>37039946
>>37040011
fuck off to the_donald and stop eating bait like it's breakfast

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>moving in to new place
>have to wait a month or so to move in, stepdad doing some refurb for me
>stepdad says "you're in luck anon, the girl next door is in her 20s and is portuguese"
>muhdik internally
>can't wait to move in, get all nervous about meeting my neighbour
>move in
>neighbour is like a 4/10
>also has a boyfriend and kids
>th-thanks stepdad you lying piece of shit also stop hitting my mum

>>37042985
the fat slut respects authority
she needs to be beat

>>37041212

HP rip

>>37038941
How do you pick between her and Alexandra Daddario...

>>37043026
What do you mean by that?

Oregon trail

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>>37038941
>>Hey virgin, I'm your new neighbor!
Sorry, my zodiac sign is Aquarius.

>>37038941
Its kinda refreshing to see a girl without cut marks on her legs.

>>37038941
First of all my sexuality doesnt concerns you,and second i find very disrespectful you talking to me like we know eachother, now please stop looking at me or i shall call the police,have a nice day.

>>37038941
>When did I move to a big city? This place looks like a lot of fun!

>>37044444
omg quints NOICE

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>>37044414
Hohohohohohohohoho

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>>37044444
nice quints

origninian

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>>37044511
>this pic
I have no idea why i have ginger/redhead fetish.

>>37044550
Probably due to genetic variety, but that's assuming you have some phenotype that's like, brown hair, brown eyes

>>37044596
>you have some phenotype that's like, brown hair, brown eyes
Brown hair somewhat ginger beard and green eyes tho.

>>37044737
Ah, then you're just singin the song of your peoples. Enjoy!

>>37044753
>the song of your peoples
I wish. I have no ginger relatives as much as i know.

>>37040089
underage & b8
Back to wherever you came from

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I have lived in the apartment next to a fucking cute girl for 2 years
I have been scared

On Valentines day, I clipped my big toenail and pushed it under her door, then stood outside. I hoped she would see the nail and think she closed the door on my foot and when she opened it I would jump and pretend to be hurt so she invites me in

She never did and I went in at midnight

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Call her disgusting. Who the fuck just leaves a popsicle on a dirty table.

Disgusting.

>>37045582
This has to be the stupidest thing I've ever read.

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>>37039726
>>37038941
Zzzreeeeeeeee reee re

I ravage her bootyhole right there on that balcony so everyone can see.

>>37039901
> you /pol/tards are so triggered just because he made fun of your bf Drumpf
No one on pol even likes glumpf anymore, it's why I left

Also

TWO?
TWO SCOOPS?

>>37039512
i should not have worn those because it was sooooo colddd:( i had to change!

>>37038941
>Okay
How would she react?

>>37038941
>implying I'm a virgin
>implying I'd be sober enough to do anything other than raising up a bottle and motioning her over for drunk sex

pls fucc me i'll cum inside you deeper than any chad ever did

How did you knew I'm virgin?
*moving out*

>>37039939
8 SCOOPS CMON GET BIG

>>37038941
I would get a boner because I would take this as flirting. I would probably fuck it up though.

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>>37046133
>>37039867
>>37040880
>>37041994
>>37041146

Oh! Hey, it's you again. Um.. didn't I see you two days ago at a different beach? Um... a-are you following me?

>>37038941
>Hey anon I'm your new neighbor
"Welcome to the neighborhood ma'am!
>Hey virgin I'm your new neighbor
"Anon's roommate anon #2 come here and look at this rude cunt of a human being"
>She looks annoyed or shocked
>friend/roommate grabs egg salad and a spoon
>flicks at her
"FUCK YOU NORMALSHIT"
>slams door

>>37038941
>Hey, what's up bby?

>>37046686
>I'm following someone, but it's not you. I suspect he might be a serial killer. Stay safe and be careful.
What does she say?

>>37046686
I just like the sea bitch leave me alon

get nervous and hope that it looks cute, which it never does. unless you're Chad...

>>37041822
Well you gave me a boner now....Crap i had homework to do..... Oh well time to masterbate again in the same hour

>>37045582
you're retarded

sorgn

>>37038941
how do you know i am a virgin? i mean that is kinda fucked up HOLY SHIT WAIT A FUCKING SECOND DID YOU LEAVE THAT FUCKING POPSICLE ON THE GODDAMN ROD IRON TABLE YOU CUNT

>>37039726
Ask, "have you seen any double D monsters with meat on their bones anywhere? You Tim Burton looking skeleton."

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>>37039726
Show her a picture of what a real woman looks like.

>>37044511
Stay away from gingers. They do this holding up flyers and catalogues to your face and say shit like "check out this ____, you can get 2 for $600..." Stop grubbing off me. Irish bitches do that shit all of the time.

>>37038941
That flower looks nice, it's a pleasure to meet you, and hope we can be friends

Take care and have a good one

>>37041121
In real life most girls are just that but that doesn't stop them from being beautiful, I hate to say it but a rose by any other name is just a weed

>>37048475
I said rose I could have said daffodil, pansy or dandelion and in some peoples gardens those flowers could easily be considered unwanted intruders to be taken out

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>>37038941
>implying i'd ever open my windows
get the fuck out you normie

>>37038959
Meh, I used to be the exact same having lived in the country all my life, then I got bored of country life and started finding cities more interesting because of how different everything is there and how different the atmosphere is, and I eventually moved to one. It might grow on you, lad.

>>37040919
underrated post


ori gami nali

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>>37042827
Eh, a bit too far on the self-pity scale there. Sometimes you will indeed make good impressions on random people for seemingly no reason. Here's a follow-up from one of my friends from the very same party(:

>>37038941

Probably awkwardly say "Hi" and then run back inside and try to plan my activities so I never bump into her ever again.

>>37039031
It isn't specified who was the one moving in

>>37050569
Definetly something along these lines. Except I think I'd either say nothing at all or something much more aggressive back.

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>>37038941
"Well fuck you too" then walk back inside and masturbate to the mental image of her.

If there are any chads or normies here, how would you actually respond?

>>37038941
Sabotage her living area?
I don't know, did I move in or did she move in.
Either way, we'll probably never talk to one another since I like to stay inside for most of my day.

>>37038941
> Be me
> Fat retard smoking spliff on the porch.
> Fug'n 9/10 walks out onto the porch beside me.
> "Hey virgin, I'm your new neighbor!"
> "Oh uh... hi there."
> Fug'n.. Spaghetti.
>"What's your name?" 9 asks.
> "Uh-er ... ahhh... Anon."
> Spaghetti profusely and feel a shit coming on.
> 9 leans onto porch rail.
> Feel her presence loom closer to me.
> "I see that you like to smoke too, Anon."
> 9 reaches for my spliff.
> Start spergin' tf out.
> Spaghetti fug'n squirting everywhere.
> Fumble the joint.
> Drops down to the sidewalk below.
> "AH!... uhhh... I'll get it!" I say
> By this point fug'n spaghetti is bustin' through the seams.
> Jump off the porch.
> Explode into a million spaghettis.
> Spaghettis multiply.
> Spaghettis become the dominant species.
> I have effectively achieved world domination

>>37050902
Tbh "uh...hi there" isnt that bad of a line. Makes you seem distant, relaxed, and uninterested in the bullshit she just said, you didn't react to her virgin thing so she might have doubts about it now and probably feels a little socially anxious since she probably said something weird to another normie.

Hello, nice to meet you. Welcome to the neighborhood.

>fucking roastie please die

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>>37039726
>get uncomfortably close to her
Hey, how you doin?

>>37038941
>okay...well, want to get tea or something so we can get acquainted?
not even joking a little bit
she just called a stranger a virgin with no one around for her to flex for, so she's probably interesting

>>37050902
Please don't do that, it makes your underage status readily apparent.

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>>37038941
"How can I afford an apartment this nice in this part of town? How did I even sign this lease?"

>>37038941
did you assume my sexual relations

>>37041300
>thinks that anyone that uses this board is even remotely attractive
kill yourself

>>37038941
Greetings, M'Lady.

>>37041410
In other words, water is wet. Have a good day people

flip her off and go back inside

>>37054143
Words of wisdom

Original comment

>>37038941
Could you please not talk to me while I'm on my balcony? This is my only day off.

>>37038941
>Immediately walks inside to play video games
>wonders why I was outside to begin with

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>Nice to meet you, Virgin
>I have an appointment with wine today, you're invited
>if it works flirt the fuck out with her and see if I can make her horny
I'm a legit virgin tho but that'd be my first try.

>>37038941
Jump over the railing and rape her. That'll teach her to be a bitch.

A hooker lives across the street from me but I'm too timid to go over there.

>>37050692
>Hey maybe anon was the one who left the place he was familiar with and went to a new place that was scary and different and had different smells and the wrong kind of walls
If you didn't automatically assume that the girl was the new one then you should find a board more your speed, like >>>/tinder/

>>37038941

That apartment looks comfy as fuck.

I'm not sure how I'd react. If she as friendly and good looking as your OP presents, I'd be moderate and just take it easy at first with her. But there are women on my floor here and they switch between being nice to me and being rude to me any given time they see me.

>>37038941
What are you supposed to say to indicate attraction?

>>37038941
"Quit staring at me like that unless you want this cock in your mouth"

>virgin is now used an unquestioned insult against men
>yet somehow women are the victims of "slut shaming" even though they can't point out any instances of said slut shaming happening

That really makes me think.

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I gotta poop.