Psychological Issues #62

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how do you stop derealizing?
earlier i was surprised when i saw myself in the mirror

>>37015185

I have similar issues. Seeing yourself as if you were someone else is disgusting, in my experience. Do you find it disgusting too?

You'll derealise less when you stress less. What worries you?

Have you been depressed for a while?

>>37015031
Hey Nick. How have you been doing? It's good that you're busy at least.

>>37015278
>Hey Nick. How have you been doing?

I've had some reducing of my symptoms for the past few days, I believe. Not much, though. I still can't believe my new life. Still break down in tears whenever I think too much about certain things.

You?

>>37015305
That's good to hear. Why do you think the symptoms got better? Just curious.

As for me, I'm pretty much the same. Although I'm more and more convinced I can't go on like this.

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>>37015205
>disgusting
exactly.
i can't stop stressing currently, i have exams
the horrifying part is that i can't seem to remember what happened a few days ago

>Have you been depressed for a while?
i ain't depressed

>>37015387
>Why do you think the symptoms got better? Just curious.

I got social on Thursday evening. Came home at 3 a.m. Was doing the thread IRL, if you want. And yes, the father was a narc. One more person who told me I should be a therapist for real, and that person has a friend who is an actual therapist, and offered to connect us to talk about it. I might take that offer, less for the job inquiry than for meeting someone new, as part of my socialising experiments.

>>37015387
>Although I'm more and more convinced I can't go on like this.

That's good. The question is how do we get you a therapist? It'll take me 3 years to become a licensed one, that's a long time.

>>37015434
>i can't stop stressing currently, i have exams

That would be enough. Derealisation affects memory too. Your system is on high alert.

Can you work out, or run, or do anything physical following by a nice shower? Use perfume on you, etc. Load your senses with good stuff, it'll help.

It's about exam stress.
So last week I was very stressed, making plans and acting them out, then I just kind of stopped. I missed an exam yesterday and didn't care. I think I'll miss the deadline for funding next year (it's tomorrow) and I'm like whatever, and just generally I don't care now.
I get it's probably some sort of coping thing, because you can only be stressed for so long before you break down. But I've been doing nothing but napping and drinking tea. I can say the words "if I don't begin to work and pass these things, it's the end of this line of career" but it's not really connecting.

I worked hard for a long time to afford this opportunity, and I do want it, but it's just sort of not linking up, you know? But then if I work on stressing about it maybe that could be detrimental too.

>>37015457
>I might take that offer, less for the job inquiry than for meeting someone new, as part of my socialising experiments.
Interesting. So helping people really seems to be helping you. In general I think keeping yourself occupied works. Also doing something that makes you feel good about yourself, as selfish as that sounds. Learning languages makes me feel good about myself so I spend most of my free time doing that. Of course your "activity" is much more noble.

>That's good. The question is how do we get you a therapist?
Honestly I don't see that happening. Getting a therapist IRL. 'I'm just gonna have to pull through. I think I'm gonna have to take a structured approach. Make a list of things that make me angry and miserable and come up with some arguments for why I should not be angry about it. I need like a "cheatsheet".

>>37015582
>drinking tea

Don't. Tea or coffee isn't good for you in that state.

If I were you, I'd see the mental health professional at your university and inform them of everything. In case you really fail, you might get some benefits from that, and a second chance.

My supposition now is that you wouldn't feel this way if there wasn't already some background trauma that led to reacting this way.

>>37015641

You could try buying books for what you have and work you way with it.

You could even try phone counselling. Facet's new therapist does phone stuff. Maybe that would be an option.

That guy will know of me very soon, so if he gets another patient who knows me, I could help there also.

Would you?

>>37015663
The deadlines are within the fortnight, and there is no second chance because I've been accepted to go to another country to continue on a more specialised track, so everything must be passed. I definitely don't have the money to fly back over to retake exams etc. I'll stop drinking stimulants, but then i'm afraid I'll be even more sleepy.

I might go to my study counselor, but I feel it won't do much at this point. It seems to be do or die.

I forgot to put a name in.

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>>37015496
i'm sure ill be like "WHAT HTE FUCK DO YOU DO WITH SOAP"
i have another exam tomorrow, scared as fuck
>>37015582
thats the thing. i just cant do it anymore, i'm done
it should go and fuck itself, this exam

>>37015755

So you still have time, right?

>>37015758

Shinji, the way to my heart.

What's the exam about?

>>37015031
>Applied for disability benefits on my therapist's advice
>Went through a state medical process to evaluate how disabled I am
>Evaluation results work in percentages: 1-50% is not disabled, 50-70% is partially disabled, >80% is fully disabled
>Got the results today. I'm considered fully disabled on account of my post-traumatic state alone.
>Basically it means I'm unfit to work, unemployable, and the evaluation indicates I'm struggling with basic communication and daily life skills.

>Had no idea it was this bad. I know my life is a bit of a mess, but by this much? Shit. Hell, even the "ability to recognize space and time" box which is basic fucking shit, is evaluated as "not fully capable".

>Don't know how to react
>Don't know how to deal with the crushing realization that my life is objectively a mess from start to finish

What do I do know that I know I'm a cripple with little to no social or economical future?

>>37015786
Yeah, it's feasible to pass still.

>>37015717
I think I have to do this on my own. I'm not trying to be ungrateful here, I just think I still need to take some steps on my own. I just have the feeling that there is something I can do myself and something that I should do myself in order to move forward. You know what I mean? It's like that saying, you can bring a horse to the water but you can't make it drink. Probably doesn't make much sense, but I just feel like I haven't put in as much effort as I could have.

Also, you heard anything about Ethan? How's he doing?

>>37015837

Does that mean you get neetbux?

If so, welcome it, but don't define yourself with it.

You could use this to train in some job and see what happens.

Suppose you had to work a regular job, what problems would you have, in your own words?

>>37015851

Then do your best. Get enough rest to study, however, or you'll be wasting your time.

>>37015860

It's not about effort by now, it's about getting qualified help from professionals. You've done a lot, but efforts aren't everything. Efforts won't make you better at fixing your car than a mechanic, much more so for your mind.

Ethan says he is OK. I'm not much convinced.

>>37015837
You don't sound that bad to me, really.
>struggling with basic communication and daily life skills.
Is just your average NEETshittery.
>ability to recognize space and time" box which is basic fucking shit, is evaluated as "not fully capable".
Just being dissociated will shove you out of full capability.
>What do I do know that I know I'm a cripple with little to no social or economical future?
Work on getting back your earlier attitude of
>I know my life is a bit of a mess
at least. Being officially accepted as a NEETbux recipient doesn't really change anything.

posted this in another thread and I really don't wanna retype it
>start life on track to alpha
>boy scouts, firearms, good american man shit
>school/mom get concerned about anger issues
>send me to shrinks
>diagnose me with anxiety and depression plus intermittent explosive disorder
>that makes everything worse
>now think I'm some autist outcast fuck
>lose hope
>took prozac for 3 years, 50mg a day
>lost all motivation
>lost all self worth
>lost all everything
>been off it for a couple years now
>try to better myself
>feel like the drive you have a man, the need to succeed and do things and work has been physically removed
>tfw relegated to failure
it fucking hurts. it hurts so much.
I always wanted to be like my dad and the other men in my family who were successful but I guess I'm gonna be like one of the women - just another fucking failure.
I know my dad knows how I feel and what happened, I haven't seen him happy in years and he just has a thousand mile stare when we talk.
god I want off this ride.

>>37015990

I'd say get off the meds, they didn't help. Your anger issues may be related to something Borderliney, in which cases meds don't help.

Decribe anger issues you had before diagnosis.

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>>37015805
shinji's smile is the cure
it's an IT exam. shit i do not give a single fuck about, i have to get an A in it

>>37016073

Take a book along with this thread. Read on and off.

>>37015031
I have extreme paranoia. I see shit out of the corners of my eyes, I have to look under the door before I leave my room, I keep looking outside my window to see if anyone is outside at the slightest noise, I feel like I'm always being watched, I could go on.

>>37016073
If you have trouble understanding something IT related, we might be able to help you.

>>37016051
generally it was a "boil-over" moment.
I'd usually just absorb all the shit I dealt with for a long ass time and then have a moment where I absolutely flipped shit and just started throwing and breaking shit.
I always made it a point to not hurt people, though - as the people with me usually didn't cause why I was mad. the triggers could be fucking anything, someone clicking a pen too much or an offhand insult or whatever.
the problem came in the fact that I only knew that it was gonna be a bad time once it was too late.

>>37016102

Did you grow up in insecurity?

>>37016153

Any other symptoms?

Unsurprisingly, that comment was not original... Of course.

>>37015917
I'm afraid of people to the point that even talking to a retail worker scares me. Around people I know well and sort of trust, I'm very tense, but not as scared. I can be around someone for an hour, tops, after that I'm drained and I get dizzy / paranoid / panicked / all of the above.
I tend to take request as orders and I don't really figure out I can agree or disagree with others. Same with criticism, I'm used to have legitimate reasons to fear what'll happen if I'm not a good boy and I haven't unlearned that yet.
Also I can't stand being touched or the idea that it could happen. Even if it's a not inappropriate, very casual touch. Can't stand it, or even the possibility of it. I can't sit next to someone at a table or in a car for example.
Typical post-trauma trust issues and hypervigilance shit. It's very hard for me to accept that not everyone is a threat (probably cause I got away recently and haven't had any significant healthy relationships yet?)

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>>37016091
trying this right now
man i should let go of this anxiety

>>37016105
it's not an understanding issue, its a memory test, they make me the most flustered. and i appreciate that offer

Hey what's everyone doing for mother's day?
Anyhow, Nick, the last thing you asked was about bathing and such before I left, I got back after you had gone
I'm pretty sure that was all stopped at a reasonable age
You said you were trying to get to the root of why I love him, if that helps

>>37016259
not particularly as far as the anger goes - it was honestly closer to an anxiety attack I guess, since I'd screech like an autist and end up a sobbing wreck afterwards, I just let all the shit out via destruction.
don't think too hard - I was treated as an open-and-shut medication case by every shrink I've ever talked to.

>>37015975
You're right, objectively. It's not that bad. It's only bad compared to my wishful thinking.

Dysthymia is one hell of a drug.
Didn't do anything today other than watching netflix and going to the gym.
Wish I would have studied and played some videogames at least.

>>37016270
Oh and by the way that was me. Forgot to put the name, sorry.

>>37016270

I relate so much to this, it pains me. I've done better with training, but I may not have had some of these symptoms as badly as you have.

It pains me because I honestly believe that if I could spend time with you, you would get better.

I'm cut out for this. I'd bring you back to humanity. I wish I could.

>>37016330
>man i should let go of this anxiety

Focus on the subject, deliberately find reasons why this is interesting and forget the rest.

>>37016332
>I'm pretty sure that was all stopped at a reasonable age

Give me a number.

Favourite childhood memory involving your father?

>>37016344
>I was treated as an open-and-shut medication case by every shrink I've ever talked to

Are these people retarded?

>>37016382
Don't forget that and never start putting yourself down like half of /r9k/ does.

>>37016270
why do I identify with this so much. I've never even experienced anything particularly fucked up.
>>37016455
I don't know. it always went like this
>new pt. visit
>tell them all the basic shit
>already know I'm not coming back because they're being a condescending fuck
>"well anon, looks like you had gen. anxiety, anger problems, antisocial, depression"
>oh okay doc
>"don't worry haha, we'll just get you on some antidepressants - here, I'll write a script for you"
every fucking time.

>>37016470
>half of /r9k/
I think that is a slight underestimation.

>>37016470
It's not just about putting yourself down. It's more about comparing yourself to people who got luckier.

>>37016382
>You're right, objectively. It's not that bad. It's only bad compared to my wishful thinking.

He is wrong. It's fucking bad. Make no mistakes. It really is that bad. And it's not your fault.

As you know, you're a special case to me, which I take to heart.

Don't downplay your condition, or yourself.

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>>37016520
I wouldn't necessarily say so. You just don't see the folks not putting themselves down.

>>37016540
Which ends up with the same results. You feeling shittier than before and more alienated from the healthy part of society.

>>37016519

These people are retarded. It makes me angry.

>>37016540
>It's more about comparing yourself to people who got luckier.

Let's not start this shit. I can barely see the screen through the tears; I'm not ready for an argument.

You got unlucky in how you were treated by others, yes, but you're lucky in many other ways.

>>37016569

Pic looks like my place.

Such a shame.

>>37016442
I can't give you a number, sorry
Favorite childhood memory of him? I'll set the cutoff for "childhood" at 12, so it'd probably be this time we were both really craving taco Bell (I really wasn't, but he was so I said I was), but it was freezing outside and had just snowed a lot, so him an shoveled out the car, got food, and ate in the car
It stupid, but the best thing I can remember at that age

>>37016630
Odd memory to pick as a favorite. Sounds nice.

>>37016577
>These people are retarded. It makes me angry.
oh hell, don't get worked up dude. it was a few years ago now, can't do shit about it now.
I just want to feel like a fucking person again, not just a fucking creature living stimuli to stimuli.

>>37016409
Nah I'd really be scared shitless, considering everything I told you.
I have a great psychiatrist and he's confident I'll recover. My issues with fear, touch, etc, started when I was five years old, and basically I've changed psychiatrists every year or so since then cause none of them could pinpoint a diagnosis or make progress. (The last one even had me pegged as a narc, which is beyond silly.)
I've made more progress in 8 months with my current shrink than with all of the previous ones combined.

How's everyones weekend been? and how do you feel about monday tomorrow?

i for one feel like the weekend has made me feel more down. mixed feelings about tomorrow since it's a hassle to work but om sure it'll make me feel better.

>>37016630

What did you like about this?

>>37016718

Are you still medicated?

>>37016725

OK, sounds pretty good, all that.

You wouldn't be scared of me for long. I ooze kindness.

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>>37016728
>How's everyones weekend been?
Pic related.

>>37016757
it's still prescribed because I don't know how to get it gone but I don't take it anymore. I still feel numb regardless, even though it's been so long since I last took it - a couple months at least.

>>37016577
Yeah believe it or not I wasn't gonna go Ballistic Dan. Just exploring some thoughts.

Why are you crying?

>>37016569
>Which ends up with the same results. You feeling shittier than before and more alienated from the healthy part of society.
That's an important part. The point is, it's very hard not to compare, not to see the obvious. What I think is the key is not to feel shitty because of the comparison.

>>37016728
okay I guess. gonna fire up the grill in a couple hours and make some surf and turf for my parents.

>>37016669
Thanks
>>37016745
It's was fun and stupid, he's the type of guy to go to stupid lengths to something small like that for the sake of it being funny, and it was
We did all that for some shitty food, my mom said we were idiot for thinking about it, he just said "ya know what" and got shovels, I couldn't really help much with all that snow, but even him watching me struggle like an idiot like that was fun, we'd just stop and laugh a few times, it wasn't extravagant or anything but it didn't have to be

>>37016817
>Why are you crying?

Memories of fighting my Loved One in the kitchen, to prevent her from punching her face and bashing her skull against the fridge, then the tile floor, as she screamed.

I had never seen so much suffering in a person before. And all that pain came from me. I'm still scarred.

>>37016817
>What I think is the key is not to feel shitty because of the comparison.
I have to agree. It's the attitude at which you go at it that makes the difference. Doing it with a "woe be me" mindset will just enforce that mindset onto you, leaving you worse off than you started.

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>>37016817
>Why are you crying?

From a recent e-mail to a friend:

"Whenever I go to my kitchen, I see our fight there, the one where I did all I could to prevent her from hitting herself and bashing her head against the fridge, then the tile floor. I remember going to ground with her, where I thought I could control her more easily. When you find yourself struggling to place your hand between your fiancee's skull and the tiles, as she screams and screams because of the pain of thinking of you and another woman in the same bed... In that moment, you wonder where you are, how the Big Bang led to this. Then you hold her forever as she cries and feels ashamed for her behaviour, and you can do nothing but hold her, but you know it hurts her as much as it soothes her, because she knows those arms held another woman.

There's a special place in hell for me."

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>>37015031
how are you doing today, Nicky? got wasted yesterday and kissed my friend. shouldnt have gotten wasted with company at all. i almost always end up doing something i regret.

also here is a physicist you might be interested in. about the simulation

>>37016849
>he just said "ya know what" and got shovels, I couldn't really help much with all that snow, but even him watching me struggle like an idiot like that was fun, we'd just stop and laugh a few times, it wasn't extravagant or anything but it didn't have to be

Triggered. I wanted a family. Four children, with at least one daughter.

Think this might be a good place to get some things off my chest, would appreciate some opinions.

I have little to no control over my emotions, they fluctuate all over the place throughout the month. Day to day there isn't massive changes, it's more like i'll have one central mood for 5-7 days and then it will change drastically for the next 5-7 days. It has been going on since 2013, and I attempted to kill myself the same year, although I failed. I was able to cover it up and nobody knows. I tried to seek help, but my family wouldn't believe me when I spoke about it, so I figured I should move on with my life and moved away.

I have a job that regularly ranks in the top 5 most stressful jobs in the united states, and have held a gun to my head many nights, but not able to pull the trigger. Lack of control over my emotions is the primary problem, but due to that, there are now many issues in my life that can't be solved. Not sure if you guys are interested, but I appreciate anyone who took the time to read.

>>37016907
>>37016962
christ, man.
I knew this was a feels thread but I didn't expect to actually feel from the stories - I usually don't anymore.
hell of a trip for my first time on /r9k/

>>37016876
That shit is rough. It's very hard to stop it (I mean talking from the point of the self-harmer) because you don't want to. In a way it calms you down, so much. More than anything else can ever calm you. It's like nothing else helps.

Why am I saying this? It was terrifying to see for you, obviously. But for her, if she's similar to me (like you said she is in many ways). It's a part of her condition, don't forget that. It's not all on you. Sometimes even a very slight thing can set it off. Don't take all the blame on yourself.

>>37016885
What exactly does "woe be me" mean? I never quite understood that to be honest.

>>37016936
>kissed my friend

Who's the friend? How did you kiss them?

Nicky can't stop crying at the moment. It's like every tear I haven't cried for the past few days is coming back now.

>>37016788
had to google it, looks pretty good! though can you even taste the lobster after a few mouthfulls of meat?

>>37016907
Jesus I'm sorry, that's horrible
>>37016962
I want a family like that too, 3 kids, two boys and a girl, maybe a fourth if we have the money and space

>>37016988

If the cycles aren't triggered by specific events, look into bipolar.

And yes, we're very interested in your case. Take a name and join our little family of fucked up freaks.

anyone else only capable of coming out with their emotions with dogs (or pets in general, but for me it's dogs) or online?
online, of course, its the anonymity. for me, with my dogs, it's their infinite understanding.
they won't leave me, they won't call me insane. I can just look in their eyes and see they hear me and that they understand and that they love me.
so I'll just sit there petting them and sometimes I don't even talk because I swear they know what I'm thinking.
otherwise, unless it's really close family, I'm more or less desensitized unless it really really hits a nerve - but at this point I can go through gore threads and horror stories and just fucking laugh.
>>37017087
yeah, if you don't drown the meat in sauce and spice and all. I'm gonna make some NY strip steaks, lobster tails, and some shrimp on the grill.
should be a good dinner.

>>37016841
>>37017087
sorry, quoted the wrong post

>>37016554
I thought I'd make it out of my family then start a new life shortly after. It doesn't work like that.

My situation could be worse, too. I'm out of reach of my family and I can live on my own. It's not about downplaying my condition or myself, I was the one who made it this far. If anything, I'm proud. And it's just the start, too. (I actually probably survived my childhood through sheer determination and optimism.)
It's nice to hear you care. Thank you.

>>37017004

That's a good thing. You can still feel. I have feels to spare, certainly.

I'm going to cry for hours, it feels like. I thought I was doing better. I was only gathering momentum, apparently.

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>>37017033
>Nicky can't stop crying at the moment. It's like every tear I haven't cried for the past few days is coming back now.
im sorry to hear that now. im happy about your prospects, meeting a therapist, maybe considering getting licensed. i think you would be a good therapist.

my friend is a girl. i met her 11 years ago when we were both in vancouver, we instantly clicked. she is basically the only IRL friend with whom i can talk about feelings, psychology, etc.

i dont remember quite well how the kiss happened since i was wasted but i think i just grabbed her head and kissed her then i said something along the lines of "i havent had close physical contact for a year now"

the kiss didnt aliviate my physical loneliness tho. far from as satysfying as my kisses with my first love around 13. in fact i still love my first love more than i ever loved any other woman

>>37017109
Thanks friend, bipolar has been suggested to me before, but unfortunately I can't get any kind of mental health help in my current situation. Nor do I believe that I can be helped. Very much appreciate the response though.

>>37017024
>That shit is rough. It's very hard to stop it (I mean talking from the point of the self-harmer) because you don't want to. In a way it calms you down, so much. More than anything else can ever calm you. It's like nothing else helps.

Pretty much what she explained to me as well. I still remember when I gave her ice cubes to hold on too, as the freezing cold gave her pain enough to soothe a little, without doing any damage. She'd hold these cubes as though she was praying; I placed a glass underneath and watched her constantly, in case she started hitting herself again. Her hands would drip.

It devastated me, but I couldn't let it show. I had to hold on for her, and I did for 3 months. After she was gone, there was nothing left of me.

>>37017024
>It's a part of her condition, don't forget that. It's not all on you. Sometimes even a very slight thing can set it off. Don't take all the blame on yourself.

I knew of her condition at that point, I had figured it out back in December. Made me feel worse for making her go through this.

>>37017134
i find it incredibly difficult to let my emotions out. when someones around it's nearly impossible, i've never really had pets so i dont know if that would help.
most of the time i can feel the emotions storming inside me, atleast when im not distracting myself. but letting them out and acting on them is like something i simply cant do. it's like asking me do to a one handed handstand.
online is a totally different thing. i can write and even talk about them. it's quite easy for me if im physically alone.

but writing about it, to me, is something entirely different than letting them out. i've been trying to learn how to actually use my emotions, but no luck so far.

>>37017185

I am glad you see it that way, because it is. As my therapist would say to you, "There's something very healthy in you."

Keep it up, you'll make it.

>>37017608
When you're on your own and letting out your emotions, do you make sure nobody's looking?

>>37015663
>Tea...isn't good for you in that state.
Want to know how I know you aren't British?

>>37015837
>The ability to evaluate space and time
Can relate to that. Sometimes weird things definitely happens with time - stretching out or passing quickly - not to mention visual snow and the floor moving about disorientingly like the surface of water.

>>37015917
I don't know if it's the same all over, but in Britain the process of applying for neetbux is something that permanently damaged me. Look up ATOS assessments and the various controversies, deaths etc. You will surely find it fascinating. appalling. You might also check out 'I, Donald Blake'. It's a film by Shane Meadows - one of our best directors when it comes to kitchen sink. Sadly I haven't had to resolve to check it out yet myself because I know it would really set me off.

>>37016102
This is familiar indeed. I find that a lot of locks and strategic placement of weapons helps. Doesn't solve it, but it helps.

>>37016270
>>37016519
Wew lads h-haha no one feels this way right?

>>37016728
>How's everyones weekend been? and how do you feel about monday tomorrow?
Looking fwd to being drunk desu. No work for a few days.

>>37016876
>>37017024
I know it from the harmer side too. It's just so much easier to deal with the physical pain. I dream about it too: just smashing myself to pieces rather than face certain things. Sorry if that's hard to read Nick.

>>37017273
Your art is always so moving, painter. You've probably been asked this already, but exhibitions?

>>37017273
>i think i just grabbed her head and kissed her then i said something along the lines of "i havent had close physical contact for a year now"

This made me laugh, not sure why. I can imagine that scene.

>I haven't had physical contact for a year now.
>Feelsgoodman

How did she react?

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>>37017666
>Look up ATOS assessments and the various controversies, deaths etc
Christ.
>Nearly 90 people a month are dying after being declared fit for work
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2015/aug/27/thousands-died-after-fit-for-work-assessment-dwp-figures

>>37017660
I always make sure I'm alone
>>37017608
yeah, I'm kinda there too. I know it sounds fucking autistic as shit but if you go to an animal shelter or a dog park and just watch them play it's really fucking calming, especially on bad days.
you wanna hear what I do?
>bad day
>usually suck my emotions up
>grab rifle, grab cleaning shit
>spend like 3 hours disassembling, cleaning, and reassembling my rifle to either my favorite music or I just talk to it while my dog sleeps next to me
sometimes I think I'm private pyle.

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>>37017666
>exhibitions?
ive done about three in my whole life. ive been out of that world for a while

>>37017693
>How did she react?
i think she asked questions but i dont remember which questions

>>37017764
>I always make sure I'm alone
Did you ever cry in public when you were a child? Like in school, or even kindergarten, if you hurt yourself, would you cry or just try to suck it up? Not show it to anyone?

>>37017790
pretty much, unless it was something really bad, then I'd just fucking bawl.
I think a lot of that comes from my dad (god bless him, this isn't meant to disparage him) since he's really stoic and you don't really see his emotions, unless he's laughing or happy - I've only ever seen him scared when I get hurt and angry when it would make sense to be, but that's always extremes.
I've always looked up to the man and tried to be like him so I think it comes from that.
might also be why it hurts so much to talk about this shit.

>>37017770
Fair enough then. Still, I do hope that your talent becomes more widely appreciated. I know fuck all about art but nevertheless I really like yours. The one you've attached might be my favourite yet.

>>37017757
They've also declared people who are literally dead fit for work. Like, they've decided they're fine (from a hospital bed) then before the letter cutting off their benefits has come through their door they've been in the ground. It's a horrible, horrible process. I am legitimately pathologically afraid of post now. A brown envelope is sometimes enough to cause me to physically collapse.

>>37017415
>Nor do I believe that I can be helped. Very much appreciate the response though.

Medication would help with this. Seek a psychiatrist as soon as possible.

>>37017660
oh, it's not that im keeping my emotions in when im not alone. i just cant let them out unless i am. showing that im sad in public would be like falling asleep with someone screaming in my ear and poking me. it just doesnt happen.
but no, i dont check. though the few times i've actually let them out have only been when i was alone in my appartment.

>>37017666
were you the person i talked to the other was with pretty bad alcohol problems? if so, why'd you decide to drink now?
if else, ride on!

>>37017764
i dont know if there is any animal shelters around here, i live in a pretty good country. but cat och puppy vids melt my heart.
usually i go for long walks when im feeling bad, and sometimes when im feeling good aswell. i like to find some secluded area in nature to just sit and let my mind wander

what drugs would yous recommend?

>>37017973
Could easily be me, since that does apply to me. I'm drinking now because I can: I have the place to myself, I'd arranged to talk to someone who shows up in these threads later if he appears, I don't have work for a few days and I have time to recuperate without doing any damage to anyone else.

>>37017997
LSD every time.

>>37018026
thanks senpai - what do you use lsd for and what doses?

what movie/tvseries/anime do y'allwatch when you're feeling particularly low?

>>37018049
When I was in my late teens, I took it in order to face my demons. I was horribly depressed. I believed that if I took acid then I would literally face my demons - a real world Silent Hill. I'd endure everything that they threw at me, and at the end I'd be 'cured' of my mental problems. That wasn't at all how it went.

I wish I could find the full document I wrote during the experience, but essentially it altered the way that I see the universe. For a start there were hallucinations, but all they did was 'let me in on the joke' - that being, getting too attached to our perceptions of the world around us is a waste of time. It led me to believe that all things are part of a single thing, and if aspects of that thing is conscious then that is incidental. Most of all though, it gave me a sense of perspective and broke me out of my depression enough to move on with my life. It's not to say that I haven't struggled a lot since, but I only took it once over ten years ago and it was profoundly helpful to have done so. Dose was two tabs. One did nothing, then I took two and it hit me all at once.

>>37018077
I tend to opt for light-hearted battle shounen. FMA Brotherhood and Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann are both excellent choices. If I'm miserable and hung over/ chain drinking it tends to be moe. There's no better moe than Azumanga Daioh.

>>37018240
>azumanga daioh
right in the feels. I can't watch things from my childhood unless I'm ok with ruining the rest of my evening though tbqh

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>>37018077
I mostly listen to music, as it's the best way I've found to affect my mood. Recently gone back to vocaloid stuff, as my tastes swing from here to there.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Z3TbMBfDM0
Light-hearted, silly, even, anime like Girls und Panzer is good for the purpose as well, but I haven't watched enough moeshit to really recommend anything. The Moomins are lovely, as well.

>>37017935
I'm not sure how seeing one works, and I definitely don't have the money to see one. Back when I was on my parent's health insurance, I asked my mother if she could set me up an appointment with one. She said she made some phone calls, but it couldn't be done. Not sure if she was sincere or not.

My job actually offers mental health counseling, but my hours are 6:30am-7pm mon-sat. Nobody was willing to see me outside of those times or on Sunday, and my work wouldn't let me off to go see them.

The only person in my life I can talk to is one of my friends who is in love with me, he knows everything about me. I would date him, but the other issue is that my dad is a famous person, and if it were to get public that I was bisexual/gay (however the media would spin it) it would tarnish his image.

I want to be happy but there is literally no decision in which to take my life that would make me happy. Each road I could take has massive consequences. Tonight is a strange night for me, all thoughts coming at once.

>>37018240
I usually watch full metal jacket or play arma or some other FPS vidya.
I know why I play the vidya, I like to get all that shit out and give it to other people - fuck em. but the watching of FMJ I don't get, it's just really comforting to me. it resonates really well with me for some reason.

Hello lads, how was your day.
Its very boring over here.

hey omg guys i have something to tell :(

i just made an thread with a picture of me and timestamp! i got a lot of hateful replies and now it got deleted

im so embarrassed! omg
should i make another one?

>>37018344
You should neck yourself mate.

>>37018378
oh no
and im not a ''mate''
i am a grill

>>37018343
just another day being NEET unfortunately. I'm seeing therapist tomorrow but haven't been out of house since Tuesday.

Hey...do you ever get the feeling someone who loves you just loves to make fun of you?

>>37018404
Neck yourself mate.


>>37018409
Good call anon, you still have hope, i know a guy who hasn't stepped out of house for at least 3-4 years now.
Best of luck.

Jesus Christ. I just found (at long last) the piece of writing I did while I was on acid and there was a lot of stuff that I do not remember at all. Really dark stuff to do with where I am now with the DID I think. It's 2000 words long. How many words at a time can I post? Is anyone actually interested? I ask because it's extremely pretentious in parts but bear in mind I was utterly off my tits when I wrote it.

>>37018480
>How many words at a time can I post
2000 characters in one post.
>Is anyone actually interested? I ask because it's extremely pretentious in parts but bear in mind I was utterly off my tits when I wrote it.
I want to read. Not everyday you get to see the tripped out thoughts of another anon.

How do I make it so that I stop being pissed/depressed whenever my coworkers go out and don't invite me?

How do I stop feeling like a burden on everyone everywhere I go? This kinda ties in to the above question in which I don't want to go to wherever they go because I will feel like a burden on them, but I get hurt when I'm not invited

>>37018480
Go ahead man, im interested.

Facman, I'm reading your e-mail, trying to catch up with the thread, and talking with LO, but I'm on the bit where Mr. Accordingly said I was possessed by a supernatural being, wot?

That's fascinating, tell me more. I'll continue reading.

Hey people how's it goin'?
The best word with which I can describe myself is "numb"

>>37018560
You know the solution, the question is are you brave enough?

>>37018480
I'm very interested, Facet.

>>37018604
For the sake of clarity, I meant 'you' as in 'anyone'. Rather, a given sufferer of DID.

Alright laddos strap in because this is pretty interesting if I do say so myself. Was genuinely chilled in parts. I'm going to break it up into chunks first and will then dump it all.

Anyone worries about not ever finding someone that will connect with you? Someone that ever will genuinely like?

I look ok, but it feels like my personality and life is too complex for the most of the people. I don't even know how to meet new people. I don't have social media accounts and I have never tried Tinder. How do I meet someone new? I don't like partying and clubs

>>37018611
Disinterested, lightly dissociated, unaware of the passing of time, eternally tired.

Just peachy.

How are you, aside from the numbness?

>>37018761
Yout best bet is at social gatherings.
Like school, university, parties, etc etc...

I myself don't worry at all, because I'm better off alone.
Best of luck.

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>>37018761
>Anyone worries about not ever finding someone that will connect with you? Someone that ever will genuinely like?
I've accepted it as inevitability, which is fine to me. Any deviation's just going to be a pleasant surprise.

>>37018810
>unaware of the passing time
I'm curious, could you say more about what that's like?

just got back from doing presents with mom and dad for mothers day, gonna get the fire going in like 2 hours.
god I didn't think it would be that bad. as soon as we were done opening I left back into my little hovel. the whole time I was thinking about how they would say shit like this
>hey anon, how's school? you still behind?
>you looking for jobs anon?
>haha son I hope you get better at math if you really wanna be an engineer like me
>anon how's your little computer friends haha?
and I spent the entire 20 minutes overthinking myself fucking crazy
I want off.

>>37018982
Do you have any goals or some things you want to achieve?
How do you keep busy?
It can helpnyou get you mind off stuff for a while.

It's not letting me paste. It says non-ascii text is not allowed. It's just copypasted from a word document, no idea what its problem is. Suggestions? I'm not much of a techie.

>>37018810
Yes, yes, yes and yes.
It's rather strange actually, hmmm, hard to explain, I would've definetly killed myself if there weren't for people who would get affected by it, but unfortunately there are. Kinda morbid - it's like a penitentiary.

>>37019060
right now I just really want to get out of this hole I've dug myself before it comes my grave, but I don't know where to start. I spend my time playing vidya or D&D, I need to get back into modelbuilding or go to the range again.
I really wish I could build something right now but I don't have anything to build with - that always calms me down.

>>37019124
Screenshots, dude.

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>>37018868
I get so caught up in my own mind and the mental aspect of what I'm doing, in this case posting on 4chan, that I completely neglect and ignore the outside world's existence. I just sat on my computer for 6 hours straight after deciding I'll just check stuff and then go study and I didn't even really realise I'd done it. It's like a part of my mind shuts off and I forget about the world, with even my body's actions just being rote functions.
It's derealisation, far as I can tell. I need to put conscious effort into even focusing on the outside world when I go out, these days, to do it like I used to, normally.

>>37019129
>I would've definetly killed myself if there weren't for people who would get affected by it, but unfortunately there are. Kinda morbid - it's like a penitentiary.
I know that situation well. My parents are getting old though, I won't live for my brother's sake and there's nobody else who'd care about me, so that door's going to open. Least I'm not suicidal currently and I can even function like a human being for a few hours a day.

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Work was stressful as fuck today. Several codes all from the same patient, and the last one involved them doing enough stupid shit to be sent to the ER.

>>37017666
>Satanic Trips

And I know it isn't exactly the same, but the process of applying for VA disability comp actually wasn't too bad for me, probably since I was discharged for mental health related reasons.

>>37018077
Madoka

>>37017764
I definitively can understand how cleaning guns is relaxing.

>>37019124
As meta said, screenshot. The /r9k/ script picks up invisible characters some sites or programs use for spaces and such. A complete bother trying to fix it to postable form.

>>37017926
>Fair enough then. Still, I do hope that your talent becomes more widely appreciated. I know fuck all about art but nevertheless I really like yours. The one you've attached might be my favourite yet.
thanks for your good wishes and your kind words. i really appreciate it

>>37019145
I could relate to you a bit, sometimes i have the motivation to build something but i either don't have the proper tools or i lose the motivation as quickly as i gained it.

I want to make knifes and smith shit.
What do you usually build anon.

>>37019223
I'm new here. what'd you do? corpsman?
if you wouldn't mind, regale me with tales of ER idiocy, I always find that interesting.

>>37019281
I work in a mental hospital, but I was in the Marines before I got discharged for mental health problems that ended up being DID.

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>>37019329
I forgot my trip, since I'm posting across several boards.

Picture unrelated.

>>37019329
man that's pretty crazy. can't say I've ever met (or I guess "met" in this case) someone with DID. you seem pretty chill.
>>37019280
I wanna do blacksmith shit too but I don't have the tools. I usually build model cars but I'm saving up for some tank models right now.
I really like the precision involved and required, and the fact that there is no guesswork, really. things like that which are binary - they are or they aren't, uncomplicated, unfeeling things make me exceedingly comfortable and happy

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>>37019280
>I want to make knifes and smith shit.
Man, that's a nice craft if you really get into it. Doesn't take all that much to get started either, from what I've gleaned. Most expensive thing's probably the anvil.

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Alright, I've never taken shots of a document and smooshed it all together but it looks right enough to me. Anyway, I wrote this at the end of 2010, if that's noteworthy to anyone. Please excuse the amateurish format since, once again, technology isn't my strongpoint. I'd illustrate that with a Sailor Moon image macro (I bet Lily knows the one) but obviously there's already something else there.

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>>37019689
>2010 was 7 years ago
Mfw

>>37019689
Lord, does this make me miss psychedelics...

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>>37019689
Nice read. Makes me want to try LSD.

>>37019907
If you get the chance, do it. One of the high points of my life.

>>37019814
I've been trying to get hold of some, sporadically, ever since. Too paranoid to use the derpweb and I don't really have have any reliable connections. Aside from everything else, just feeling that deeply seems totally alien to me now.

I'm going to the hair salong tomorrow and I'm so scared ;_; I'm really shy and I don't know what to do or say while the hairdresser is doing my hair

It always ends ups being really awkward

Why do they always try to small talk there reeeee

Is it normal not to be able to define words

>>37019958
Pretend to be a mute.

or just neck yourself, that works too

>>37020000
But she knows I am not....been there many times before ;_____________;

>>37019956
I'm going to obtain and consume some LSA as soon as the Heavenly Blue Morning Glory seeds become available again. I went to the store the other day but they're out of season or something. It's got a very different feel from the research chemical "acids" I've done, but it's worth doing if you can stomach the nausea.

>>37020098
I've tried mushrooms, prepared as a tea, as well as salvia in the past and neither were nearly as potent nor as enjoyable.

>>37020087
Tell her you're in a bad mood and don't want to talk you fucking faggot, go get raped.

>>37019989
Shiet, I can't define half the words I use. I just know how to use them in a sentence.

>>37020174
you dont have to be so aggressive senpai

>>37020134
Had a low dose ofmushrooms once, would like to again. Salvia intimidates me, to be perfectly honest. Too similar seeming in behavioral effects to my nightmare hell chemical. I would still try it, but I'd be very nervous.

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>>37019689
I've watched Sailor Moon, but I really am overly obsessed with Madoka. I'd post some examples, but some of them might dox me on /k/.

>>37020254
oh shit, hello /k/omrade

>>37020254
Why do you love Akemi Homura so much?

>>37020279
I kind of guessed you browsed /k/ based on some of your earlier comments.

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>>37020254
>but some of them might dox me on /k/.
What do you mean?

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>>37020340
Because she's best girl who Did Nothing Wrong. She's everything I want to be in life a cute anime girl with lots of guns.

I haven't been able to read most of the thread tonight. I will try in bed, but for now, I take my leave.

I've also failed to do my work and written an e-mail to tell my superior that I will fail to meet the deadline given to me. It'll be fine, there's no actual emergency for it and she knows of my condition. Moreover, I don't give a fuck. I'll show up at work in PJ's now and I don't care.

Take care everyone, see you soon. I'll be reading you while lurking.

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>>37020224
In me, I had only a mild hallucination: I misunderstood something in the room to be a train at night. It only lasted ten seconds. A friend took a much bigger hit. He was speaking in tongues, convulsing, absolutely terrified, but in a minute it was gone and he was back to normal. Shit drug desu.

>>37020254
Well, here's the image. Fun Madoka fact: remember how in one of the Witch Barriers there are black thorns across the borders of the screen? I saw those during the trip years before Madoka came out and when I watched it I had extreme flashbacks. I am 100% sure at least one person involved in the art of the WBs has been around acid. It's probably the best visual representation in parts. The Anthonies as well are typical of the kinds of things you might see - though I did not, myself, see them specifically.

>>37020378
If I had to pick a Best Girl it would probably be the poorfag though in all honesty, good as the show was I never got attached to any of them.

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>>37020378
>She's everything I want to be in life a cute anime girl with lots of guns.
Hear, hear.

>>37020399
Alright then, Nick. If you can I think you ought to read the image I posted since it's quite something as far as the facets are concerned.

>>37020399
Rest well, Nick.

>>37020351
Some of the Homura related stuff I have custom handgun grips is somewhat /k/ related.

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>>37020378
I like Miki Sayaka the most.

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PLEASE DON'T TAKE TO ME UNTIL AFTER I'VE FINISHED MY COFFEE

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>>37020458
But how does that dox you? Did I just misunderstand something here?

>>37020518
I know several people on there irl, since I go to meet-ups fairly often. And I wouldn't really want them knowing about my problems since, even though I'm safe around firearms, some people might not trust someone with a major mental illness.

>>37018848

Love that stuff, those gifs. Keep posting them.

Just had to say that before I left for good.

>>37020411
I'm told I acted possessed while under the malign influence, terrifying the people who witnessed it.

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>>37020553
Ah, that explains it.

>>37020571
Okay, Nick.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ql_dEdMEjl4

>>37020578
That sounds a lot alike. He was writhing around, sounding very peculiar. Could definitely have been mistaken for a possession. As soon as it was over, he had no memory of it. I'd call it more of a deliriant than anything.

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I can't do anything even though i am kind of talented because there are snowflakes can do anything better than me with no real effort.

>>37020614
I have experience with an OTC deliriant. Very unpleasant, very stupid thing to do. I was very reckless with my intake as a teen.

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>>37020616
How could anyone refute this?

I cant bring myself to end things with this girl
Things have basically been dead for a while and I dont have any feelings for her anymore but i cant bring myself to send her the message ending things between us.

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>>37020616
There is no point, beyond the fact that you'll be bored otherwise and besides, you might strike upon something that no one else has. Pure talent, hard work and good luck are the unbeatable combination but sometimes things just fall into place. One hit wonders, for example. They can shit gold just the once, and no one can take that away from them even if they'll never do so again. There will always be people better than you and people worse than you. However, at some point in history there existed the person who was the absolute best of us in terms of being a polymath, physically incredible, whatever else you might like. There has to have been some apex human, relative to the rest. Yet, he wasn't single-handedly responsible for all of the accomplishments around us. To give up before you begin just because you aren't the best is a real cop-out faraam. Here: let me give you this image, selected at random, to ease your pain.

>>37020614
How does taking drugs like that affect you as a whole? Worse thing I've ever "taken" is alcohol.

>>37020800
I refer you to this image:
>>37019689
Where one of the others was very prominently involved. Other than that, I can't really say. I would say that the female one would be up for MDMA and possibly weed, the angel would likely go for coke and the animal would enjoy PCP. Only guessing though, since I've never actually tried coke or PCP.

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The sun set and now it's starting to rise again, at 0:27. Fucking summer, I want my comfy darkness back.

>>37020616
There is no real, objective or intrinsic point, or if one exists, it's beyond our view.
All we have are our own, subjective values and purposes.
What answer do you want to your question?
There will always be someone better than you and deriving value to yourself from achievements will only cause you harm because of this. If you want to feel better, less miserable, you will have to let go of your thinking, of deriving the "point" from achievements.

>>37020800
What exactly are you asking? If salvia has any permanent effects? Not that I'm aware of.

>>37020882
Digging the cyberpunk gifs, Blue.

>>37020889
Are you drinking yet, btw? I'm well on my way.

>>37020914
I can start any time, though I only have the weak stuff right now. I'm hoping to try some Guinness for the first time tonight. What am I in for?

I think it's a good day guys. I took my phone outside, the grill's firing up nice, that charcoal smell is nice and strong, CCR is playing in the background and it's warm out.
I think things are looking up.

>>37021073
Cool that you're enjoying yourself.

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>>37020914
>Digging the cyberpunk gifs, Blue.
Trying to replicate the mood I've got in my room into the thread. If it only started raining like it looks like it's going to, it'd be perfect.
Too bad it's midnight and the sun's already starting to rise. Darkness is comfier.

>>37020782
that doesn't mean anything. We are
instinct driven, impliying that you can still be ok while knowing there is someone who is better than you in every imaginable aspect is more or less a lie. Why accomplishments are valued by people? Because it is valued by other people aswell, how can i ever move forward if i am sure there is some snowflake can outperform me in my accomplishments? Accomplishments doesn't mean shit if no one acknowledges them.

>>37021114
just trying to spread some good vibes. makes me curious; how do you gents like your steak?
>medium rare here

>>37020882
Someone being better than me is not the problem.

the fact that someone being better than me in every aspect in a way that i can't possibly imagine to replicate is the problem

>>37021000
It depends. If you're a pregnant lady, in modest doses it will subtly improve the health of your womb-rider. If you're Irish, you might be compelled to nail-bomb something and it will also become a meal replacement for the rest of your life.

As for what a normal person finds appealing about it, I couldn't say. It's very thick, with a rich and bitter flavour. Personally I can't stand the stuff but I know that certain fans of ale enjoy it. In that regard, it is thick and creamy with an unsubtle burnt flavour. For me, as a fairly compulsive drinker when the spirit moves me, I would have to seriously consider drinking at all were it the only thing available. I just find it far too thick and filling, plus I've never developed a taste for ale.

>>37021118
Where are they from?

>>37021141
I disagree. An important part of development is making peace with the fact that you will never be the best in all areas and probably not in the one you focus on. You can do many things valued by others because as I said, no one person has done all of the things worth mentioning. MIncidentally, my favourite poet - William Blake - pioneered a new and incredibly influential method of engraving as well as writing and producing art that I personally love. He was not acknowledged for any of this during his lifetime and died destitute, derided and insane.

>>37021073
Sounds nice and relaxing.

>>37021224
I'm part Irish... Maybe I shouldn't drink it. I'm not ready for any lifelong dietary commitments.

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>>37021224
>Where are they from?
/wsg/, artists on Tumblr and other sites, random 4chan threads.

Vaporwave should be the official music of this thread.

https://youtu.be/SolEjKrcg4E?t=10m52s

>>37021344
Maybe the other part will preserve you. It will fill you up though, so if you're planning on a serious session it might not be the best choice. Probably a good 'functional alcoholic' drink though, if you want to sneak a few in during the day. I reckon you should at least try one but keep your options open.

>>37021413
Reminds me of Blade Runner, of course, but more of Flashback/ Another World for the Megadrive/ Genesis.

>>37021427
>Outrun
Very nice. Classic Sega there. It's playable in Yakuza Zero, just throwing that out there.

>>37021503

That was me, I'm not gone yet, but that Star Hustler song is special to me. The first one on that list as well.

>>37021427
>not fashwave

>>37021535
I'm going to stop what I'm doing and listen just for you, my friend. In future though, I would like you to namefag ITT as StarHustler please, if you would do that for me.

You might be ignoring the social side of this. Indeed no one has ever done everything worth mentioning single handedly, and i can do stuff valued by people. It is accualy a valid counter argument aganist mine but it doesn't adress the real frustration.

>getting outperformed by someone giving no effort

>That person being best at everything worth mentioning for the society you live in.

i know that these are problems as long as i see them as problems but please don't ignore the social side of this superiority-inferiority stuff.

>>37021591
>StarHustler

It sure has a ring to it, but that'd be disorienting for most people.

We shall see.

>>37021609
Your problem is an eternal one. It's a problem that everyone has faced. I've run up against it myself. Accepting failure is a part of life. In my martial arts competitions I've always won 2 of 3 fights. Never got the gold. It can be extremely painful (for you) but it's a fact of life I'm afraid.

>>37021650
>Stealth Nick
Top wew, I assumed you were anon. Did you read my email response and the MSpaint image with a pretty significant wolfpost in it?

>>37021344
Beer is pretty much liquid bread, so it's not too hard for it to work in a diet.

>>37021650
Also, assuming you haven't already you ought to play Hotline Miami. Just this type of music, plus it's quite fun.

>>37021740
>Top wew, I assumed you were anon. Did you read my email response and the MSpaint image with a pretty significant wolfpost in it?

Yes, will respond when I get the time.

>wolfpost

I missed the image. Lemme see.

>>37021749
2manycalories.

>>37021802
Look here, you're going to want to see this:
>>37019689
Also, dancing embarassingly in my pants along to this stuff as my cats ignore me.

>>37021798

Played both, finished both. Often listened to both soundtracks. Watched Miami Cowboys documentary, had seen Drive already.

Short of sniffing cocaine off a hooker's ass crack while listening to Talk Talk's "Such a Shame", I can't go any more 80's than that. But I'll be damned if I don't try.

>>37021839

Will read in bed, if I don't fall asleep. Else I'll check the archives.

>>37021809
Exercise more then?

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>>37021503
Well, I'm going to start drinking what I have now anyway. Cheers everyone.

>>37021740
Say something i do not know. It is not a problem and it doen't even hurt or cause pain. Action ---->result

and some people are more efficient by default.


The problem is, because i don't fell any pain from this, i can't value any of accomplishments. I can't feel good when i do good or hit the top or feel bad when i do bad or be the worst.

When i see a problem that has no answers i think that the problem/question is flawed so i am i a statis mode where i can't act upon anything since i can't even adress the problem.

>>37021921
Nah, just drink booze instead.

>>37021967
Kanpai!!!

>>37021980
I'm not sure there's a problem here at all. It can be edifying to test your limits though. My therapist once described competition as a 'high risk pursuit' since, for example, 11 fighters must ultimately lose out for one to triumph. In fact, I don't think that's a bad thing. Nothing teaches humility like defeat, and humility is honestly a good thing. I can definitely act like a cocky shithead and getting trounced is an excellent way of reminding you of your limits - and that it's far better to be underestimated than to make yourself a target through being brash.

As to what you said about effortess victory, it breeds complacency. Fight from the bottom and sneak the win. I love throwing from underneath or (and I fully acknowledge it's a scrub tactic) pulling guard. There are many ways to win, and Chad has to feel comfortable before you initiate the beta uprising.

>>37022178
It seems like you have never encountered with the type of person i am speaking about.

>better than everyone at everything mentioning*
>You cannot compete in ANY** (ANY)(ANY way

*based on current society
**any
*

>>37022275
You could be right. However, I would find it hard to believe that a person could learn certain things without having failed first. I bet if you look at any Olympic athlete, for example, they're been beaten at least a few times such that they've been able to shore up their weaknesses. I absolutely refuse to believe that there's a person who could walk into a dojo or track meet or whatever you like, win instantly, stroll into the regionals, the nationals, and then take an Olympic gold. Such a person is not possible or else is a supreme anomaly. There's aptitude, of course, but some things can only be learned through experience and that means being on the wrong end.

>>37022178
How deep are you diving into the drink tonight?

>>37022506
I seldom do things by half measures. Why do you ask?

>still lurkan
>fucking this comes on
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XkU893wCUw
>heartily kek and accidentally burn self on grill
I'd make steaks for us all if I could.

>>37022569
I'm having chili, beer and whiskey for mothers day.

>>37022506
I'm about... 30-40cl of vodka in at the moment.

>>37022560
Well, I'm still curious to know how well the others' memories withstand the impairment. Do you remember me talking about that?

>>37022591
>40 cubic liters of vodka
what the fuck
>>37022589
hell yeah man. it's a good day to chill, eh?

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>>37022632
Yeah, also having cornbread too along with the rest. I'd drink more, but I have work tomorrow too.

>>37022632
What can I say? I'm extremely hardcore.

>>37022622
I do. I couldn't say. I honestly don't know how much they remember. I suspect that they don't know more than me but there again, I've been proven wrong about that in the past. If you'd like we could set up the other room and go from there, if you can think of an interesting theme regarding what to watch.

>>37022591
>I'm about... 30-40cl of vodka in at the moment.
Sounds like a good start. What are you drinking?

>>37022708
I don't really have any ideas, but would be down for the room. A documentary, maybe about LSD or other psychedelics? I'd be fine with a podcast or anime. I'll look for something.

>>37022801
Total trash vodka. Prince Consort. If you're also a gentleman of refinement, might I suggest Chase vodka? I have a bottle that I save for special occasions and it's night and day compared to the shit I'm drinking now, or Smirnoff or whatever. Snow Leopard is solid though.

>>37022697
Would you honestly be willing to endure all of Homura's suffering if it meant you got to be her?

>>37015031
I feel so disconnected. I have constant suicidal and homicidal thoughts and I can't stop them. I'm staying up on purpose so that I can become even more anxious and even sadder because I deserve it.
I also have this overwhelming desire to remove all traces of my existence. I want to delete all my posts and accounts online, get everyone who knows me to delete their texts with me and forget that I ever existed. I want to slip out of existence and have no one remember me at all.

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>>37022871
She ends up as being as powerful as god, so yeah.

>>37022860
>Chase vodka
I think I'll look for a bottle next time I'm drinking. I've been wanting to taste some better vodka.

>>37022887
Why do you deserve to be sadder? No one "deserves" anything. Is there someone you can call for help?

>>37022976
Yeah, it's really something. What you want to look for in a special occasion vodka is a clean crisp finish. One way to check on its quality is to subject it to extremely low temperatures. A shitty vodka will take on a slushy consistency, beset with kernels of ice. A mediocre vodka will take on a syrupy consistency. The creme de la creme will become extremely cold but will not change in consistency. It will evaporate on the tongue.

>>37023002
Because I'm disgusting.
I don't have any friends I can call and hotlines make me anxious.

I dont know what to do anymore. My GF left me 7 months ago for another guy and it happened so fast because I was completely oblivious to what was happening I still can't process what happened. Where did I go wrong? I am still friends with her and we communicate sometimes but I want her back. I really have nothing keeping me here except her since I am an international student. I should just go back to my country but I have hope she will come back to me even though in reality that will never happen. I still stay to show her I don't need her but I know she doesn't care and is happily living her life with her bf.

I am so pathetic, I need help.

>>37023117
Physically disgusting or in some other way? A hotline may be helpful, so I encourage you not to rule it out. Towards whom are these homicidal thoughts directed?

Make your way to cytube, if you've the will. the room is glasscage, and the password 'clarice'

>>37023156
Also I can't stand the thought of her having sex with her new bf. I think they already did but I have this dumb hope that they never did anything because she is still my girl. We hardly did anything sexual and a year before she left me she decided to stop doing anything sexual with me because she wanted to wait until marriage. I hope she still believes but a part of me knows that is bullshit.

>>37023214
Everything about me is grotesque, I can't really explain. The homicidal thoughts are mainly directed at people in my college and loved ones.
I've tried hotlines before and they're humiliating for me.