Autistic/mentally ill things you do thread

>>36991701
>can't poop unless scale is upside down

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>>36991701
those things aren't normal?

....shit

>constantly wash hands, especially while cooking
>automatically close browser/tab whenever I'm done with it
>look behind me every ~50 meters while outside
>jump/jog around in my apartment (this might be because I'm very sedentary otherwise though)

>>36992030
>Look behind me every 50 meters while walking

I do this too

>>36991701
you pretty much described everything i do

>>36991701
that's an anxiety thing not an autism thing

i am currently waiting for mom to take a shower or leave or something so i can go to the store

>>36991701
>>36991891
>>36992458
I do everything on this list. I may have even written this post and the replies in a fugue; will probably worry about, apropos of no stimulus, at some point in the future.

>>36991701
Pretty sure these are all normal? I wouldn't know though. mine are:
>Cry every day. I usually cry in class, around other people. I do it very silently, just tears coming down my face. Sometimes I'll walk around campus crying because sometimes I can't stop crying all day. I get dehydrated.
> hit myself and screech when I get frustrated
>When I'm talking to my friend i try and have a normal conversation but when it's my turn to talk I usually just infodump on a subject I've been learning about and repeat my points 8 times until she drives me home
>Act stupid and autistic to the point where my friend often prefaces introducing me to her friends by saying I have social problems. It's a running joke with them that I'm "special"
>have to sanitize all my items every day, as well as wash hands, as well as take a scalding shower. wash feet before and after going in bedroom.
>constantly afraid of illness, will be terrified for days after touching an unclean item
>body feels itchy and sticky all the time, when I was a kid I would refuse to wear clothes because it hurt, now I get episodes and get really frustrated, want to tear my face off
>touch everything with my feet, stroke my feet over most surfaces, put my feet on other people sometimes if they say it's ok

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>wash my hands so many times per day that by the end of the day my hands are usually all dry and uncomfortable
>have no idea who I am, not one specific personality but many combined into one person
>I have literally only gone out in public only a few times in my entire life without a hat on (including my whole childhood)
>if I am not wearing a hat I get extreme anxiety and uncontrollably freak out

I didn't ask for any of this

>>36993095
what kind of hat? show us a pic

>>36991701
I cum in my hands and rub it on the wall to clean myself

>>36993210
All kinds. I have lost many hats because of how sweaty and unwearable they became.
Ever since I was 12 I have been wearing mostly beanies or snap backs. (not the swagfag kind but more like skater kind)

>>36993234
Post pic of said wall please

>>36993256
oh ok, I thought you had a special autistic hat or something.
beanies are comfy

>>36993408
Haha used to just wear one special autistic hat for like a year at a time but now since I have so many I just wear them at random.

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>>36991701
>Feel constantly watched
>Have full on conversations with myself/voices talking to me in my head but in a foreign language because i'm terrified by the idea of people who can read my minds
>Autistic fascination for blood and gore
>do jog in my house while listening to military songs

its >>36993095 again
I can't believe I forgot to add something similar to >>36993486
I feel exactly how you feel dude I am constantly terrified of people reading my minds and any time I'm in public around people I have to constantly try to "talk" to whoever is reading my mind to tell them to leave me alone.

>>36991701
My eyes are always wandering. I can pay attention I'm just looking at something else. I'm content outside when my eyes wander onto random things.

>>36991701
I live n an apartment block, there are mailboxes, elevator and stairs on ground floor
Everytime I enter with a neighbour and he/she goes to the elevator and politely wait for me with door open I,all without word, spend good while sorting the shit from the mailbox and then enter the starcase (live on the 10th floor) so their waiting was for naugh

>>36993538
I used to be afraid of people reading my mind, so I used to think the most offensive, shitty things about people in public so after awhile when I didn't get my ass kicked I realised it's not the case
Never heard voices though

>>36993696
I don't hear voices, except my own voice in my head. I have to tell others constantly "stop listening to my thoughts please" over and over again when I'm in public

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>>36993538
I'm also terrified by myself when I look at a mirror, I always see a different person

>>36993756
oh fuck I sometimes feel that too! are we the same person lol
Except I don't feel that 100% of the time, only if I really look at myself in the eyes.
If I'm washing my hands in front of the sink mirror and quickly glance at myself I don't feel anything.
However if I look myself in the eyes sometimes I get stuck and can't move out of shock/fear. Its really strange

>>36993815
Have you ever talked to a psychiatrist ?

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>lip sync and dance to music in headphones when going for a walk and theres nobody around
>feel like i am destined for something great
>get all romantic and whimsical when looking at local mountains
>listen to movie music daily
>make surreal altright "comedy" in movie maker
>have a folder with tons of movie ideas, excerts from imagined scenes, and unfinished books
>also a bunch of other shit like the constitution for a fictional modern russian empire and a poem about a lovecraft-esque god

>>36993945
No I haven't. I'm not sure if I really want to.
Have you?

Sometimes when I hear music I imagine it as it would be played as a song in guitar hero and I move my fingers accordingly

>>36993984
Yes, when I was 13 because i was very undisciplined
She wanted to send me to an asylum because she thought I had bipolar disorder
But ive talked to some people about my problems and they all think i have schizophrenia

>>36994055
I'm really afraid of something like that happening to me. I don't even really think I'm that bad, I'm fine with being me.
I just want to be left alone, that's all.

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>>11 year old
>>learns about sexuality
>>afraid I might be gay
>>convince myself that I like this one girl for the sake of telling myself I not gay.
>>I found out she retard

>>36993980
first one is cute rest is autistic

>>36992820
>she
female friends? you are a normie fuck off

Dont know what to call it but I guess I just measure my body in various ways. i have measured:

>length of my limbs, fingers and toes
>know the distance between my eyes, how long my mouth and nose are etc
>if I lay on my back and raise my arm at 90 degrees while keeping my elbow on the floor, I know the distance from the tips of my fingers to various other parts of my body
>know how long my average stride is
>keep track of how long i sleep
>know the various measurements of the circles that would be made if the lengths of my limbs were their radius, diameter or circumference

I hope one day this information will be useful somehow

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>roleplay on World of Warcraft private servers.
>at home when nobody is around i imagine myself killing others/beating them up
>play Tibia
>asexual because I hate women and homosexuals. mostly women.

Oh, and here's something which really activated my almonds.
>spent years polishing up my knowledge in rhetorics and debating
>found out about veganism last year
>literally every time I hear anyone talking about veganism I twitch and literally go apeshit, resorting to sometimes grabbing a hold of someone while demonstrating killing a chicken or any other animal to prove my case
>got piles of studies at home in paper in folders that I sometimes bring and refer to if I have an ongoing debate with someone regarding the benefits of a plant based diet.
>mfw I used to hate Vegan Gains
>mfw now a /fit/ mulatto 'militant' vegan activist with anger problems

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>>36991701
>have a strong desire to keep everything the way it currently is
>bringing about change brings about conflict, and vice versa
>ties into how I want to keep everyone happy
>will keep secrets incredibly well and lie to prevent change
>would rather live a lie/alias than deal with change
>has led me to delaying telling my mother about how I want to drop out of college for months now
>stayed in a relationship that I didn't enjoy anymore just so my partner would be happy and I wouldn't have to deal with the conflict of breaking up thankfully single again
>highly reactant to certain sounds (chewing, swallowing, humming, whistling, snapping, tapping, etc)
>if I hear those sounds I will get very angry and agitated (misophonia)
>won't be able to focus on whatever I was doing if I can't leave the room
>will start digging my fingernails into my head and tap my fingers and feet fast
>also will start shuffling in my seat and will have to cover my ears if it goes on too long
>has led me to bring headphones everywhere I go
>has gotten to the point where I become agitated at the sound of my own chewing
>can't use gum anymore
>can't eat with anyone within 10 feet of me
>both because of the misophonia and because I get nervous when someone is near me while I eat
>starting to condition myself to not be attracted to 3D anymore
>love certain anime characters as much as family
>disgusted by sex/genitals/masturbation

Those are the most significant aspects of my life that I believe are autistic/disorderly. Bravo to anyone who read all of this.

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>>36991701
>lay a piece of toilet paper in the toilet to aim at when pissing
I've done this since I was 8 because my mom would get onto me due to me always trying to piss on the inside of the bowl instead of the water and me getting piss all over the rim trying to do so. It's pretty fun doing it though. You should try it.

>>36993756
I do that too. I'm not terrified, but I don't recognize the person in the mirror. Might be that I recognize my face as a girl since I have low testosterone or something like that, but probably just mental illness.

>>36995461
>>asexual because I hate women and homosexuals. mostly women.
That's not what asexuality means. Let me guess, you masturbate?

>>36995655
I have nothing to masturbate to. My sexual drive is null.

>>36991701
>Conversations I have with people are very random and often I end up speaking poetically or metaphorically for no reason

>Having weird judgement of situation (such as that I have psychic powers)

>Apologize to / attack / speak to inanimate objects with full awareness they are not sentient (occasionally even feeling empathetic to them)

>Shutting the curtains so people don't spy on me

>pull hairs out of my ass
>pick scabs
>moan to make sure my throat isn't soar, sometimes I will do it for days at a time
>imagine myself doing embarrassing or autistic shit and then screeching to myself from how embarrassing it is
>imagine myself making/performing all the music I am listening to
>habitually shuffle my songs on my iPod and see what comes up because of a stupid irrational fear that someone will steal my iPod and then judge my music taste

>>36995655
>telling someone how their own sexual identity is supposed to work
get a load of this shitlord

>>36991701
Hear voices, but ignore them when they call my name. (this has lead to me ignore people who call for me in the past)

I have started smithing in my spare time, basic knifes at the moment, but I hope to make a suit of armor in the future

I still smoke weed because I dont trust anti-depressants

>>36991773
>can't piss/poop if somebody is in hearing range
IT'S A NATURAL FUNCTION DAMMIT but I'm still ashamed

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>>36991701
>feel all giddy and excited whenever I think of a joke my friend would've told if he was still here

I'm all alone, Anons, I'm losing myself.

>>36996993
>anime pic
Join him if he died faggot. Hope he died.

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>>36997145
It's an otaku website. Do you come here just to be mean?

>>36997223
Sorry. Am just drunk and my usual 'triggers' makes me extra angry. Been bawling my eyes out the entire night too.

How's it going?

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I tell my mom I'm going to a friend's house, when in reality I just go to the local brewery to get fucked up.

>>36991701
>roll my eyes when someone in a store walks too close or walks in front of me while I'm looking at something in an aisle without saying "excuse me"
>pace back and forth in the restroom at work
>have developed an eye/hand twitch over the past few months
>can actually feel the adrenaline seeping into my back and spine when my psychosis starts up
>notice myself making sharp movements
>all this has started in the past few months and I'm not sure if I'm actually losing my sanity or if I'm actually normal and just doing all of this subconciously just to be different

>>36991701
That is not autism. Nor does it mean mentally illness, you may just enjoy being alone. You obviously had no proble making friends so it really isn't what you think it is. Mentally ill people are not self aware and can not form relationships.

>>36997291
>Been bawling my eyes out the entire night too.
Same.

>>36995472
>stayed in a relationship that I didn't enjoy anymore just so my partner would be happy and I wouldn't have to deal with the conflict of breaking up

What went wrong?

>>36992820
dude I have the ridiculous hypersensitivity to everything too and no one believes it's real unless they roll their eyes and call it fibromyalgia and either give me shitty meds or accuse me of seeking drugs
I think it's pretty common with autismos, some of us just have it really bad.
There is no hell except the one we occupy.

Weigh myself every day. Right now I'm trying to get over my eating disorder, but I still get really sad seeing a gain.

t. 180 cm, 64 kg, MALE

>>36997619
>59 kg
I win.

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Okay I don't know what mental illness I have but this is some of the mental things I do.

To under stand this one you need to have played a crysis game
>when lifting heavy objects or doing something intensive I think in my head the parameter I want to set my body to.
>Lift a heavy box
>think "maximum strength"
this is all in the crisis suit voice as well

I also believe that within me is a whole nation and I actively install governments into it and subvert other governments(other people). I change my trade policies with other people and start economic reforms as well as industrial efforts.
>Market has crashed
>install a fascist government to fix it and remove the degeneracy in society

The second to last is similar to the crisis suit but im an aircraft or something like that. I often only think about this stuff on the stairs but it will go along the lines of
>maximum lift
>set aerofoil to dynamic shape
or if the air is dirty
>"set air filtration to max"

The final thing is I believe if I touch people I inherit thinks from them and I have to put the things I have inherited from them into an object to cleanse myself.
>someone touches my arm
>inherit one of there traits or part of that person
>have to touch somethingto remove it
>start a mental dialog to begin the removal process

Can I be saved annons?

>>36997641
AAAAAHHH

I was 58.7 at my lowest. FUCK this.

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>>36997619
>>36997641
I'm 6'3 and my weight makes me sad and I will always hate my fat lazy ass
>tfw used to be 128 now 158

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>>36997735
pounds, not kilos
just to be clear
you wacky non-freedom-unit-users
>tfw used to be 58 eurostaniunits now 71.6 eurostaniunits

>>36992820
If you're female this is fucking 10/10 GF material.

>>36995461
Wait there's roleplay on private serves? I've been looking really hard but I can never find any. It's gotten to the point where I quest in character and talk to myself.

>randomly scream and laugh to myself
>constantly say "Heil Hitler" in a weird high voice to myself
>enjoy death videos

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i lie in bed all day researching mass shootings and cyberstalking a girl

hahahahahhh what a fulfilling existence!

>talk to myself out loud while I drive. Say "no one likes you, just fucking kill yourself, everyone hates you, you're a worthless pile of shit"
>eat paper. Toilet paper, regular paper. Doesn't matter
>wait till people leave the room before I enter it because I don't want to talk to anyone
>do routines in the same order. Like when I'm getting ready for bed, have to do the same things in the same order or I feel weird

I'm sure there's more.

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>>36997889
>>constantly say "Heil Hitler" in a weird high voice to myself

>>36997641
172 cm, 57kg here
make way, peasants

>>36991701
>accidentally stare at people that are opposite me in hallways and such, if I catch myself I act as though I stare at all things.

>>36998029
Your BMI is higher m8. That's what matters

>Cannot expose my neck while inside a car.
>Pretend to be a baby or a non-functioning retard when I think I'm alone. Used to do it in public.
>Check my toilet paper every single wipe.
>Skip literally everywhere.
>When I had a litter of puppies I'd pretend to be running a tiny concentration camp and would make them do death marches around the house until they get tuckered out.
>Do everything as quickly as physically possible. Hand washing is just a half second squirt. Brushing my teeth is just jamming a tooth brush into my mouth for a couple seconds. I get very annoyed when things don't happen instantly.
>I "replay" a butchered version of my dreams in my head over and over again instead of having a new dream.
>I only look at a tiny part of my vision and tunnel vision on that. So basically I'm only looking at a single slab of concrete when I'm walking on a sidewalk and just navigate based off of context.
>I put plates of food under my desk so I can rest my feet on it before I eat it.

>>36998168
>>Check my toilet paper every single wipe.
How else would you know if you need to wipe again or not?

>>36997522
I strongly believe I have a handful of mental disorders, and it makes me unable to hold an intimate relationship for long. I wanted to be free from the relationship because I did not feel the love I did months before, but I stayed because my partner was happy and I wanted to keep it that way. I also, after months of being around normies day in and day out, have lost my ability to love real people, and worsened my desire to be alone.

>make bird and other animal noises and then laugh out loud at myself
>break my own stuff and/or hit self when I get angry

Outside of the food they serve at my work, all I eat at home is apples with peanut butter.

They can never know

>>36991701
>I look behind at nearly every ass of any girl I think is likely to have a nice ass
>if a girl makes eye contact with me while I'm looking at her, I look away, but then I immediately look back to keep staring because I know she won't be still be looking at me right after I look away
>I repeat phrases to myself that I think are funny when I'm alone, sometimes to myself in the mirror with weird faces
>I post on /r9k/

>>36998029
markus?

inb4 markus on r9k

>change direction while walking/tilt my head quickly in case aliens are shooting a beam at me
>suppose they can read my thoughts, I always pretend I'm not behaving as if I know they're watching me
>sometimes interact with people as if they have been put there by aliens and interpret their actions as tentatives to get a particular reaction out of me (this always combines with the thought reading I talked about above)
>sometimes think that in reality the aliens reconstructed an entire region of a planet so that it recreates earth and put me there to let me live happily as if humans weren't extinct, feel really thankful
To clarify, this is some sort of spontaneous thought experiment I've been doing since I was a child. I think it's just another manifestation of everyone's tendency to behave as if under judgement that I've seen in a lot of posts, it looks like a really interesting matter

>>36992820
>>body feels itchy and sticky all the time
probably because of your hot showers, try luke-warm ones

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>poke my head out of my door before I leave my room to see if there's anyone there

>sometimes turn my headphones up too loud so people might ask me what Im listening too and I might get to talk to someone about something I like

>text my shitty meme OC to my only "friend"
Pic related

>browse r9k unironically

>>36991701
>talk to yourself all fucking day nonstop
>wait, who the fuck have I been talking back and forth with all this time?
>i'm you, but it's you, but in a way, it's not you, but is you
>fuck

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>>36991701
>tfw you win a discussion against yourself in your head

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>>37000762

>talk out loud because I can't think a single thought in my head
>have discussions from multiple perspectives on what someone "might" say
>Disillusions of grandeur
>Flights of ideas
>Write shit on paper and stick the walls
>Bringe shop for useless shit
>Think down to the last detail on how I would do something and carry it out
>Always happy, nothing can bring me down
>Dont take social ques and never even register to regret
>Cycle between self regret and not giving a fuck multiple times a day.
>Laugh for no reason and in complete blissful laughter
>Hyper focus on projects
>Hyper Sexuality
>This lasts for weeks on end

This is normal for me.

BPD is a hell of a disorder. No drug compares to it.

>>37001017
Are you telling me I'm BPD?

>>37001205

I'm not going to bullshit you, all the above I thought I was completely normal (Age 22.) You know how I found out I should go get checked at a Pysch?

Fucking /R9K/ recommendation from a fellow robot.

Please, I'm begging you, if you are being serious. Get checked, you will 100% not regret the decision, rather you will just reflect on shit you did. and how you acted around people. It won't be a pretty first month on meds, but you will NEED it.

However, I'm back to not taking medication after a year, because the hypo-mania is amazing. I feel conflicted at the moment as I am getting the meds for ONLY professional life and NOT take meds for my personal life.

as far as I know I'm perfectly healthy, but I distanced myself from all my friends because I was convinced they were all making fun of me behind my back.
I thought it was an act at first, but at this point I think they legitimately don't know why I refuse to acknowledge them now

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I sleep all day just so I can wake up at 7 pm in the afternoon to put on my batman costume and stand on my balcony pretending I'm batman. I even yell at people on the street and throw stuff like food at them. A couple of old ladies have thanked me for keeping away teens from the parking lot down below. I'm soon planning on taking strolls around the park at night from now on to fight drug dealers and rapists while dressed as batman.

I'm not autistic, I'm just batman.

>>36993486
I'm super scared of people reading my mind too, sometimes, when I'm talking in my head, I won't say certain words that I don't want people to read.

>>37001338
I guess I'll look into that then.
Thanks anon

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>>37001347
>tfw no neighborhood batman to keep the hoodlums at bay

Why do I want this so badly

I always wondered if all people had the habit of engaging in long monologues inside their heads like I do since I was 7 or 8

>peel dead skin, foot corn, etc. off and put it in houseplant pots

>>36992030
>constantly wash hands, especially while cooking
This is the good kind of autism, though

I setup a hidden cam in my bathroom while my little sister's friend took a shower. I didn't fap to it or anything. I just wanted to see if I could do it.

Pretty sure I'm a schizo, but I haven't gone to a shrink yet.

>>37001338
Are you me?

Lamictal is bae
but hypomania is better

>>37001616

SSRI's aren't fun. 12 months of full blown hallucinations and personality change to zombie wasn't fun.

I didn't even question it, it was there one day and I was told that I was never allowed to go out at night or the spiders would crawl on me (hand size) and bite me. I tried a few times but that wasn't fun.

Off meds, no hallucinations, 5 months later, I'm going back to pysch on Wednesday.

Do you have any experience with dating a female with BPD yourself?

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I think people i cut out of my life, acquaintances/ internet friends, will try to get some kind of revenge on me because i ditched them.

>>37001695
I am the bipolar female

PSA: Never date anyone with bipolar

>>37001776

Really stupid fucking question.

A female version of me with hypomania sounds great, why is this a bad thing?

>>36995461
We need to kill animals. They will bring misfortune upon us if we don't respect them and nature.

>>37001792
When they're manic you have to chase them around trying to make sure they don't accidentally kill themselves and when they're depressed you have to be around 24/7 to make sure they don't do it on purpose
They'll probably be irritable as hell in either of these states and any effort you make to mitigate them will make them very angry

That's what I do anyway, god I feel so sorry for anyone who makes the mistake of associating with me

>>36993980
What constitutes as alt right comedy? Most alt righters are painfully unfunny

>>36994032
Sometimes I do this. The new guitar hero controller format screwed it up though

>>36991701
>>drive to the store every single night after work to buy a candy and a drink
wow i do this. i love to drive at night and i speed my way to buy candy i'm an adult too

>>37001540
Are you also an INTP? I have found myself and other fellow INTP will engage in heavy use of internal dialogue and monologue. I will take it to an extreme and often use different people as an avatar for an idea or a specific side of myself and use each avatar to work out a decision through discussion.

or maybe I am just slowly going crazy

I've got Bipolar Type 2 so most of the time I'm relatively normal except for the severe depressive swings where I sleep 19 hours a day, or the hypomanic states where I lose a lot of my inhibitions and impulse control.

Thankfully the worst thats resulted in is just me doing exhibitionist stuff with (consenting, on the internet) friends/randos from here.

>>37002277

Do you ever just have the need of being the center of attention and sometimes make an ass of yourself? Shortly after you repress the memory of a social fuck up and don't think of about it like it never happened.

>>37002327
>need of being the center of attention

Jesus, yeah. I mean I like attention in general but it turns into a need when I'm hypomanic.

>make an ass out of yourself

Thankfully though I'm surprisingly socially capable so I don't have too many of these situations

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Whenever I get a little excited by something I impulsively push my teeth really hard against the back of my left hand. I'm working on stopping it because people can't help but looking at you like you were an alien or some shit.

>get up really early or really late so I don't have to see anyone else in the morning
>uncontrollably flex fingers/twist wrist and arm around
>talk to myself as though giving a lecture while alone
>get 6 hours sleep on wagiedays then 11+ on weekends
>have listened to the same song on repeat for three weeks
>do self-improvement like duolingo or khan academy for weeks/months, drop it for weeks/months, start it again, etc.
>reached out for takeaway yesterday and the driver shook my hand

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whenever a girl talks too me I always try to get them to go away or just go autopilot and talk normie shit like sports and the weather. yet I'm depressed and lonely and desperately want a gf. why do I do this?

>people I know want me to come hang out
>tell them I'm busy
>don't answer any calls
>don't answer messages
>text 20 minutes later "sorry I was in the shower what did you need?"
>have done this 10+ times

>>37002557
the jig is up, Jimmy, we know.

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>>36991701
I hallucinated some of the yuru yuri girls while i was at the dentist today

shits getting bad

>>36995956
>pull hairs out of my ass
I do this too. Thought it was just me.

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>>37003003
B4 I failed uni last year, i unironically used piss jugs so that i wouldnt have to go to the bathroom and risk having normies see me or worse, talk to me.

>>37003003
if you don't hallucinate ayano's cute tsundere face at every moment you need to get out

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>wash hands very frequently
>only step on the downstairs tiles in a knight pattern (as in chess)
>when I turn a few corners walking through a building or something I then feel like I need to balance it out by rotating the other direction, as if my astral ropes have gotten tangled
>procrastinate important yet simple responsibilities to the point of complete failure
>regret and anxiety about everything i've done or might do, trapping me into a pattern of inaction and silence
>anxiety about not enjoying the moment because i have anxiety about not enjoying the moment

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>left unfinished Starbucks on nightstand too long
>Started to rot, milk separated
>Milk formed a sort of disk, began to sink to the bottom
>Milk disk now disintegrating
>Little flies got in
>Duct taped the exits shut
>Flies now reproducing
>There's now about 5 flies in there, and like 20 corpses
>As I type, one fly is now trying to mate with/tear the wings off another one

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>>37003109
for some reason today it was Hima-Saku. idk why, they're like my least favorite pair. Ayano best grill

>>36991891
i missed a 35mm screening for this
is it any good?
how does it compare to other films from the poetic realism movement?

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Oh God, here we go.
>Pretend to be a public speaker/ politician and talk to large crowds that don't exist
>Wear a special historicaly accurate hat whenever I play historical games
>Talk to myself about all sorts of things
>Pretend to be a cavalry officer charging into enemy lines on a imaginary horse
>Don't fap because whenever I take my dick out of my pants I feel my ancestors watching me with disgust

And that's just the beginning

>>37003228
That's pretty gross, here's a (you)

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>watch highschool anime
>couple solves their problems together, do fun things together, eventually confess to each other and fall in love
>start fantasizing about being in high school again and a qt saves me from my lonelyness
>realize im a degenerate 22 year old NEET and no one will ever love me and i dont know how to talk to people

Doesnt help that I keep watching these anime and feel worse every time I finish watching them.

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>>37003782
>historically accurate hats
>cav officer

what kinds of hats and armies are we talking here?

>anxiety about fucking everything
>constantly feel im being judged when im in public
>always hide my phone so people dont look at what im doing
>when im alone in public at night i look at everyone in fear as if theyre gonna attack me
>get angry really quickly about nothing and cant stop
>somedays i feel depressed and some days i feel fucking amazing

I think i have bipolar, is it genetic?

>>37001347
send pic of the batman outfit

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>>36997850
I roleplayed on RPH before I got banned for questioning an admin massbanning people. Check out Abyss RP, a new and upcoming RP server. It'll be released this month!

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>>36998168
>Pretend to be a baby or a non-functioning retard
> Used to do it in public.

>>37001879
Link Discord. Let's debate.

I drink 64-128 ounces of diet dr pepper every day.
I like to wash my car often and I have a car cover I throw over it every day.
I break shit when I'm really angry.
I've smashed a computer mouse with my fist, I punched a hole in my bedroom door, the drywall in the garage has knuckle shapes dents (I hit a stud), etc.
almost got my ass beat by some chads a few years ago because of my anger.

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>Fantasize about posting on 4chan and getting lots of (you)s but never posting anything because of fear of rejection.

I never made any online friends despite years of being a NEET because of anxiety. Even posting this is hard for me.

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>>37004852
OP here. Here's a (you) for you. Sometimes my posts get no replies, sometimes my threads go past 300 posts. Just gotta take that risk, I believe in you

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>rock back and forth whenever I'm sitting
>can be silent for hours on end, without much talking
>can stare at conveyor belts moving for long periods of time
>stutter and spatter whenever I talk.
>am always alone no matter what
>roll up a blanket and hug it
>cuddle with a pillow
>stare at my icon flag in reverence before going to bed

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>too afraid to think depraved/weird things in case someone is reading my mind

>>37004852
I'll be your original online friend anon

>>37004852
just b yourself
love you anon x

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>>37005026
>think people are reading my mind
>instantly brain starts coming up with weird shit

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>Constantly feel the need to pull on/grab facial hair, even if its barely grown in.
>Talk to myself, regardless of how many people are nearby, not full conversations but will be watching a TV show and will say something like "Wow X is a fucking cunt whore, especially when she....."
>Fantasize about having some sort of special talent aside from shitposting on Chinese cartoon boards. (This week I envisioned myself being amazing at the accordion.)
>I also have anxiety attacks if i'm out in public and my hair is not gelled.

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>>37005077
>think someone is reading my mind
>start to think jibberish so they'll get frustrated and quit

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>>37005316
>implying they only have access to the tiny part of your brain dealing with conscious thought
>implying they can't access the whole thing

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>when my sister is sleeping I go stand outside her bedroom door naked and masturbate.

>>37005026
> think of doing something morally abhorrent
>think "just kidding haha, I would never do that" in case of mind readers

so stressed I rip out my pubic hairs

>>36998168
>I put plates of food under my desk so I can rest my feet on it before I eat it.
wtf dude

>>37005439
lol that made me realize how dumb humans are sometimes

>>37003979
>what kinds of hats and armies are we talking here?
Depends on the country that I'm playing as

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>>37001771
we are soon

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>>37003643
it was the great film experience I have ever had and your life could have been much better had you gone, but you didn't.

>gag exactly 3 times when brushing teeth

>dry heave when angry

>cant fall asleep unless i stim with my foot
>unironically use memes irl
>keep the phone off so sudden sounds cant scare me(i turn it on every other day to check if someone called)

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>>36991701
>whenever I listen to gorillaz albums, I imagine the cartoon band playing the song in my head
>have almost daily daydreams about ideas for new anime and building on those ideas based on life experiences and new shows I watch
>always researching stuff about anime, usually manga magazines and companies

>>36993095

I am the same with the hat thing. But now they have to be logo-less because one time I wore a hat with some logo a person didn't like and they started yelling at me.

>at home i walk up the stairs like a dog

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>>36991701
>Have full on conversations with myself/voices talking to me in my head

I do this always. Even in front of people. Sometimes they wonder what I'm saying. Fucking maladaptive daydreaming

>Having to decontruct songs I'm listening to otherwise I get overwhelmed

>bite the skin of the inside of my cheek off

>>36991701
>take out camera and record myself with everything i do
>if i don't record myself it feels strange, like i'm betraying the audience
>even without the camera i commentate to the audience with everything i do
>they're here right now and they want to speak to you
>they want to speak to me
>i want to kill them and they want to kill me
>everything is fine and dandy
>they want to take control of my body and i want to kill them
>FUCKING KILL
>KILL
>KILL
>KILL
>everything is FINE
>the audience is here to grant your every whim
>can you feel them?
>they're dancing all around the fucking place

that's about it

>>37003228
That shit is vile, post entire room

Anyone else put their shirt over their face when you use your phone so people dont look at your stupid face

>use VPNs and incognito mode for porn
>surround bed with furniture at night so that ayo lamayos can't abduct me
>double, triple, quadruple, quintuple-check food and drinks for hairs / flies in them / other animal parts
>have to get drunk to have a proper meal
>can't eat / drink in public, trouble swallowing
>intrusive thoughts of maiming ppl. the more i like them, the more gruesome and intrusive the thoughts.

i blame OCD tbx

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>say I knew a knight
>This was two years ago
>I'm 23
Memory purged.

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>Balls constantly uncomfortable
>Constantly re-adjust them in public by shoving my hands down my pants
>Even do it at my desk job
Kill me

>>37009055
wew lad get a ballsack reduction surgery

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>look at and smell my own poop before flushing it down the toilet

>>36991701
>Instead of blowing my nose i pick my nose if i get stuffy
>i pop my neck and fingers almost all the time
>Can't talk to anyone who isn't my family or a close friend
>exist

>>36997850
Paragon RP has been one of the better RP private servers, would recommend

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>>36991701
>constantly take headphones off for a few seconds because i'm afraid someone might break in and i won't hear them
>can only play videogames and listen to music at night for some reason
>wash hands every 15 minutes because I feel like they're getting sticky or something
>pretend to talk to an audience or record myself doing random shit when alone
>make up stories inside my head when walking or driving and keep constantly developing them
>can't eat anything with my hands unless I can wash them immediately afterwards

>>37005562
ARE YOU ME?

Holy kekkeroni

>imagine myself winning court cases thanks to me being witty and tricking the criminal
>for example putting a tape recorder in my pocket and getting him/her (most usually is an evil imaginary wife of mine) recorded while she confesses her crime


Really good thoughts

does anyone else spin objects all the time

look a stick, a toy airplane, or a k-nex toy, i am always holding them and spinning them in my hands. it helps with my imagination and calms me down

>absolutely terrified and slightly turned on by AI, scared of being trapped alone in a matrix/truman show style world except with robots, also scared of malfunctioning machines
>Convinced myself that I will someday become an infinitely powerful god
>Can find flaws in literally anything
>Have a background urge to hurt/kill anything around me
>feel like I don't belong in body, like I am trying to rejoin with the air or something, do these weird autistic coughs to "try and leave body"
>when shivering have a mini seizure instead of shivering, also when i do those autistic coughs
>literally fantasise about magic powers 24/7, do weird hand movements to try and activate powers
>have an extremely extroverted personality which says things i immediately regret, like an edgy plebbit kid and another that is psychopathic, overly careful and introverted. Occasionally a nice, quiet, shy and polite one surfaces around women/people I respect but it requires a lot of energy
>like reptiles and obsess about finding them in the wild/owning them, handling them
>can sometimes overly attach to things where if something I don't like happens I think they "betray me"
>has no limits on agitating people (intentionally)

all I can think of for now, I am a complete retard desu

Oh jeez, I got a lot of these...

>collect toys
>give each one a name and personality
>have conversations with them (don't make voices, just talk to them)
>yell at computer monitor while watching youtube videos
>carry stuffed animal around house like a three year old
>make up in-jokes that only I get
>give TV show/movie/vidya characters stupid nicknames and only refer to them by that name
>always carry a small figurine in my pocket to calm autist anxiety
>talk to myself in the fucking grocery store (I once had a lady report me to the manager for this)

>>36993980
That just sounds like you're a creative type. You shouldn't be embarrassed about a hobby like that. Maybe you could try writing a screenplay?

>>36995461
on zeth kur?

>>36993980
>>36993980
>>listen to movie music daily

This is normie as fuck unless you listen to shit like anime music

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>>36991701
>Out of norhwere I feel an overwhelming surge of energy/panic and anger and scream and shout things like "FUCK OFF FUCK OFF" and "NO NO NO" into a pillow then go back to normal again

>Start creepily giggling and get super excited for some reason out of nowhere, when this happens I feel like a little kid, it lasts for a matter of seconds and I go back to my normal self. This usually happens when I am comfy and safe and chilled out

>>37008888
The rest of my room is actually pretty clean, save the laundry and books on the floor. Just clutter, not squalor

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>imagine to live in the fictional world of a book/anime/game I'm currently reading/watching/playing, every single day

>slap my legs very hard/scratch my belly when I'm alone and angry because I don't know how to deal with anger

>also pic related

and this:
>>36991701

>wait for the living room/kitchen yo be clear before I leave the house because I don't want to talk to anyone or explain where I'm going

>lie to people about where I'm going because I think they'll judge me if I'm going somewhere with no purpose other than to be out of the house

>Have full on conversations with myself/voices talking to me in my head

I unironically listen to Marilyn Manson.
Stay in my room with black out curtains and only part one at night to see an owl who live in the tree outside my window.
I only trust one of my cats but still treat the other the same so it doesn't catch on.
I keep thinking I'll somehow get a big break and become famous and this feeling never leaves my thoughts even if I know it's not true.
I sometimes see my dead grandmother and talk to her and she just nods.

>>37012575
t. 16 year old edgelord

>>37012626
19 but you were close.

>>36995461
Any claim that veganism is obligatory is retarded. Its a field of normative ethics not science, studies don't mean anything.
You're a pea brained religious nut for trying to force your half baked moral code on others
Fuckwit

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>stim
>go without showering for weeks
>binge and purge my feelings away
>talk to the imaginary people i think are secretly watching me
>talk to my plushies
>write suicide notes
>try to act cute and fun when i'm alone in an attempt to make the people watching me fall in love with me
>rarely open messages because im an anxious wreck

>>37012796
oh and this is a biggie!!
>start watching a movie or a series
>choose a character in a "thats me!" way and get mad when the character makes choices i wouldnt and sad when they get rejected etc

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>>37005562
I do that too
oregano oregano give me the postuoli

>>37005222
made me kek because I can relate to all of these, mine this week was being really good at gunsmithing.

>>37012796
>>37012841
>talk to the imaginary people i think are secretly watching me

>try to act cute and fun when i'm alone in an attempt to make the people watching me fall in love with me

and

>choose a character in a "thats me!" way and get mad when the character makes choices i wouldnt and sad when they get rejected etc

are all ones I can really relate to, I realise how ridiculous they are but eventually return to denial I guess as if all of them are justified.

>>36991701
>talk to myself constantly
>whenever i interact with people I overanalyze every sentence and think about what effect it has on that person and how I am tacitly manipulating them then get a little rush of euphoria because i am just so le evil and genius
>feel bad about it immediately afterwards
>i dont like to poop when people can hear because my ass makes hilarious loud noises, dont mind piss though
>whenever i leave my house, i get so little sunlight that i constantly have to squint, so i just turn it into a glare and give all my nignog neighbors the stinkeye, even though i dont really have a problem with them
>cum on the floor
>put an extreme amount of thought into all the interactions i have with friends over text,trying to decipher the hidden meaning in their words, im very paranoid
Just standard neurotic insecurity and god-complex type shit

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>>37005222
>really get into something
>show it to all my friends and family, prideful like a swagger
>only realize i'm talentless a day later
>ashamed to see my friends and family for a week

>>36991701
>when I was younger used to bring the only 2 friends I had into a secret area of the playground and show them my "secret twin"
>"secret twin" was just me going behind a wall, putting my hood up or putting a hat on and coming out from behind it and pretending to be this twin
>was a lot more hostile when I put on this persona, used to hit my friends, shout, made one of them cry once.
>also used to pretend twin was some sort of drug dealer hitman mob boss
>meanwhile I had long hair and action man glasses
>do this for about 2 years
>100% convinced they believed me, used to fantasise doing cool things with twin regularly.

I haven't talked to them since school but I really hope they forgot about it.

If I get a headshot in a game I say to myself

>"Big Damage!"

Audibly

>when I go to the bathroom I imagine that a family member is already in there but i've gone insane and can't see them so i'm actually pissing on them while they sit on the toilet like "anon what the fuck"
i can't be the only one right

>>37013453
That only happens to me when I'm on benadryl

>>36992030
There is nothing autistic or weird about this. Everybody does these kind of things when alone, right?

I get episodes where my head and stomach hurts, I'm freezing cold and just want to lie down on the floor. Other than that I always talk to myself and use any excuse to avoid putting effort into something or talking to people. Those things also hurts me physically.

>>37001548
Yeah, I manage to use my autism for reasonably productive purposes and can almost pass as a normie, at least for shorter periods of time i.e. job interviews.
>>37013492
Not sure about the jumping around part. It's usually when I get excited about something, such as realizing a new use for something I've learned.

>>37013492
*these things

UN-COMENTARIO-ORIGINAL

>>37013513
>Not sure about the jumping around part. It's usually when I get excited about something, such as realizing a new use for something I've learned.

Perhaps hurriedly walking in circles or simply moving your extremities/dancing is more common.

>>36998168
>>I put plates of food under my desk so I can rest my feet on it before I eat it.

????????????????????????????????????

>>37013453
I do this all the time. Also, when entering a public restroom, I read the sign at least 3 times and count the letters to make sure that I am in fact entering the men's restroom. If the sign is just a picture or a weird gimmicky thing, I get incredibly nervous, even after seeing a urinal.

>>36997789
IF you're a degenerate footfag, maybe

>>36997735
>>36997780
158lbs at 6'3 is even a little underweight you fucking faggot
I'm 140 at 6'0 and I look like a fucking auschwitz prisoner

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>pretend i'm an anime shonen character
>instant confidence boost

>>36993815
Nigga u possessed

>>37013023

That actually makes you amazing. I like you.

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>I count how many times I fap and label what image I fapped to by what number session I fapped to it to

ex: 2, 45, 346 means i fapped to it on my 2nd, 45th, and 346th time i fapped

Didn't start fapping till i was 17 also

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>>37014106
>BMI of 19.75
>barely enough muscle to shuttle my ass around my house
>underweight
I jiggle like a bowl of Kroger's Imitation Jello and am starting to grow disgusting tits, but sure.

>>37014586
Get some database software, then you can record dates and such. Excel is fine.

>>37014586

do you mind making a .zip of these pics please ? You got exactly the same taste as me.

(pls post 44 50 53...)

>>37001017
>>37001338
>>37001695
BPD is borderline, not bipolar

>>37003782
Oh I like you! Please more.

>>37015234
Literally how. Do you just eat nothing but junk food? You have to try really hard to not only be technically underweight, but also to be made of pure fat.

>>37015988
It's easy, just don't train at all.
t. not him

>>37016063
But like I said before, I'm 140lbs at 6'0 and I mostly eat crap. I also basically stayed within my room eating junk and playing vidya for 4 months straight, only going outside once or twice a week. And yet I still didn't turn into a tub of lard who can't even support his own weight. I literally cannot understand how someone who isn't ~180 could be virtually gelatin

>field strip, clean, and reassemble my rifle every night before bed, sometimes talking to it
>this calms and helps me sleep a great deal
it's seriously like the shit pyle does in FMJ, if you've seen that.

>>37016143
>been lying in bed 95% of my days for the 5 years since I couldn't convert internship into job or find anything I deemed worthwhile (or at all, eventually) after college
all I do is watch cartoons, do DFS research, masturbate and eat candy. once a day I order pizza or chinese.
I don't look atrocious in clothing; pale, skinny and tired I imagine. I'm probably very unhealthy.

>>36991701
>eat fries, finger foods with forks and knives
>eat burgers with forks and knives
>constantly check toilet, faucet if they're still running even after my brain registers them being done
>skip cringe scenes
>redo scenes to make sure they're done
>can't read slowly, if I do I end up rereading text constantly
>every now and then I wave my hands in such a way that they cover the area of my eyes that see the computer screen to confirm and check that the computer screen is good, and that I've actually read stuff, confirming like the way I've confirmed the toilet flushed.
>can't put my feet near the gap between the sofa and the floor, nor can sleep with feet out of bed
>count to sixty seconds for each phase of taking a shower, after taking shampoo off: conditioner, wait 1 minute, body wash, wash body wash off, wash conditioner off
>can't sleep prone, neck problems when sleeping on side, compromise and sleep prone while my head's turned to the side.
>make accounts on forums and delete them instantly once any kind of negative feedback comes
>have decent social skills, but cannot share anything about myself and I'm agoraphobic.
>have to say goodnight to myself thirty nine times counting using my fingers because of my irrational belief that I might be haunted and get nightmares if I don't do so.

>>37016852
>if I don't "confirm" that things are right, get a dull feeling in my head.

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>>37015586
not gonna post all, but u can have that pic

>>37016852
Sounds like OCD famalam.