Psychological Issues #60

>>36967412
First. How have you been lad?

>>36967427

Didn't get much sleep. Today was an OK day.

>>36967462
I don't really post here often but I felt like talking. Are there any people here you felt like you've actually helped?

>>36967495
>Are there any people here you felt like you've actually helped?

Feel? A lot, yes. But I don't need to feel it, people say so fairly often. Any of those who decided to go seek therapy after we discussed it, for instance.

That's a question better answered by others than myself. I would only sound cocky, which I probably do sound often.

Why didn't you make a thread yesterday?

>>36967664

I wasn't physically around. I thought I'd be home around 10 pm my time, but I ended up coming home near 3 a.m..

You could say I was doing the thread IRL.

>>36967705
Irl? Were you doing training or something to be a therapist like you said you would?

>>36967723

Not yet. I met up with a friend and that stuff usually ends up in me acting like a therapist. I spend most of my time listening and asking questions and suggesting ideas.

And everything I suspected came true. The person I met ended up sharing secrets no one was ever told before. This is not infrequent, people just seem to want to unload it all into me. I guess it shows I care.

>>36967495
I'd say talking in these threads has surely slowed my descend down. Or so I think. Not that I'm trying to play down Nicks help, just my case is fucked up. Mainly by my own volition.

Kinda glad to see the thread up to be honest. I had an interesting dream today. I was at my grandfathers, doing something like repairing a car, I'm not sure. There was lots of people from my family. Suddenly I saw a huge corpse of a dog lying there on some planks. There was blood under it and it was very large with glassy eyes (if that's an expression in english), even the fur was bloody and greasy. I knew it was dead yet I had a feeling like it wasn't. Then out of nowhere it came back to life, started walking around like, well, a dog that just got resurected. After about a minute it fell to the ground head first and "died again". My grandfather was crying the whole time, since he had a dog that got crazy and bit him in the arm (it was a german sheppard so a big deal kinda). I think this dream has a significance, yet I can't think of what this could symbolize. Well other than maybe that I'm the sick dog who will one day be put down after he bites someone. But I don't think I'll come back to life.

Any thoughts?

>>36967940

Pet Sematary.

>>36967412
Welcome back Nick.

>>36968026

Hello Eh. Never fear to probe. I like questions and have very few limits.

>>36968041
So what is your problem?

>>36968072

How do you mean? In general?

>>36968097
What caused your problems, and what exactly is the disorder.

>>36968145

So far as I understand now, here's an extremely summarised version of it all:

>raised by non-humans
>by age ten, developed symptoms similar to war vets or death camp survivors, including derealisation and dry-heaving attacks; "sick" for over 6 months after traumatising event
>C-PTSD from years of mental, physical, sexual abuse (limited, almost no molestation, but sexualised abuse nonetheless)
>gets worse at university
>find a woman, find a job
>life becomes good for 4 years or so
>lose everything

Bad situations make my symptoms skyrocket. At least I'm in therapy now.

So yeah, C-PTSD, Borderliney traits, major depression, general anxiety, all the good stuff.

>>36968271
I'm surprised that you can even function.

>>36968478

Same. Today was OK. Other days I have to struggle with tears, gagging, and fainting.

>>36968533
I'm glad to hear that you aren't experiencing extreme symptoms today.

It started recently, but I start looking at women and realize that they would just make fun of me or think I'm weird. I started to be alone for the past 6 months (more so than usual) and I've thought about how women always make fun of me or ridicule me. When I look at porn, I can only think of how they wouldn't want to be with me and how they would just make me feel bad.

Recently, this one girl tried to talk to me and I just ignored her because I thought she was going to make fun of me. Am I beyond saving??

>>36968271

>raised by non-humans
what

Don't skimp out, tell us more.

>>36968584
>Recently, this one girl tried to talk to me and I just ignored her because I thought she was going to make fun of me. Am I beyond saving??

I hope you see the conflict here. You ignored her because you thought she was going to make fun of you. Stop that shit. Give her a chance to prove herself.

Talk to yourself about this, make it logical, less emotional.

>>36968624

My parents are described by my therapist as something between robots and aliens. More technically, they're very deeply hopeless narcissists, sexual perverts, liars, manipulators, thieves, potential baby-molesters, and all around assholes.

>>36968683
That doesn't sound like a very 'therapist' thing to say.
I thought you were raised like one of those animal children out in the wild with a family of bears or something from the way you said 'non-human'.

>>36968711
>That doesn't sound like a very 'therapist' thing to say.

She is right, however.

I wasn't a feral kid. Although I was only washed once a week.

>>36968835
Man, you're a hero. one parent of mine is the same as your therapist describes and they've fucked up my life pretty badly. what if it were the two of them, i think i'd be long gone.

>>36968946

I'm not very far from the edge, however. And not even because of this past of mine, but other circumstances that make life unreal.

If you guys remember when I almost cried in class, my students mentioned this today: they actually thought I was having a migraine with aura, which I had explained to them (in English, as an exercise). They thought I had stopped reading because I couldn't see the words, or because my voice needed a break from reading so much. Truth, of course, was that I was holding back tears and on the verge of breaking down.

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>>36969000
glad to see you back Nick, not so glad that you are still suffering. are you still talking to the ex?

also i already asked this yesterday but im interested on your insight: ive talked to my psychiatrists about my past selfharming habits. cutting, sticking needles, burning, scratching till drawing blood; but he was particularly interested about me hanging by my hands on a spiral staircase and leaning my head back until oxigen left my head, i saw black and my hands lost strenght therefore dropping to the ground. i hit my head pretty hard several times doing that. it also helped drown the noise in my head for about 15- 20 minutes

any idea why he was particularly interested in that form of self harm? does it say anything about me?

>>36969222
>are you still talking to the ex?

LO doesn't make me suffer. She asks how I am often. Memories of her in pain are the worst and always make me cry. I break down often because of that. Our good times also kill me. She's still a part of me and I'm not whole without her. I probably never will be.

>>36969222
>particularly interested about me hanging by my hands on a spiral staircase and leaning my head back until oxigen left my head, i saw black and my hands lost strenght therefore dropping to the ground. i hit my head pretty hard several times doing that. it also helped drown the noise in my head for about 15- 20 minutes

I have to say this is sophisticated as hell. I'm not sure I see the whole picture though. It sounds dangerous.

>>36969222
>any idea why he was particularly interested in that form of self harm? does it say anything about me?

Yeah, I'd heard of the other forms, but this was brand new.

>>36969000
i wonder what exactly goes through your mind? when i think life is unreal, i think about being outside of my body and that i am living a dream. its hard to snap out of it, but i have times where i snap out of it any ways and i can feel what living is like.
last year it got worse, i wanted to commit suicide while i'm in that kind ofstate, so i went to sleep so that i don't attemp to kill myself, locked the door so that i don't harm anyone. its like the fear wasn't there.

>>36969000

Power level 9000.

>>36969477

Derealisation. I hate it more than anything else. I've been in it since November. To various degrees, but I think I never fully got out of it since then. It makes everything feel fake.

Read about it to handle it, it helps to know.

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>>36969347
>It sounds dangerous
it does seem somewhat dangerous, at least to the brain. might have brain damage because of it, who knows. but it was the most effective in drowning the noise in my head and it kept me calm and serene for a while. it was bliss. also it didnt leave noticeable marks

>>36967495
Nick helped me.
>>36967412
Hey Nick how've you been? For above guy yoy can post link again if you want I don't have it saved.

>>36969523
>Derealisation
holy fuck. I think i may have that one. last year was pretty hectic for me and so i felt that way even more. it was challenging. It is like the most lonely feeling in the world, i felt nauseated everyday and i wanted to sleep. felt like i should interact with people so that i do not lose touch. since then i try to minimalize stress every now and then. da fuq.
did you go to therapy for this? how did it go, did they help you improve?

>>36969807

I tried just now, but it apparently deleted it. The images aren't kept for long.

Will try something else.

I'm very tired today. You?

>>36969830

I'm going to therapy for a lot. Derealisation is helped by speaking with people, in my case. Therapy twice a week helps punctually, but I found that speaking with humans for many hours really does me good.

There's much more to find. Derealisation comes from anxiety that was too strong for too long, so your brain says fuck it and disconnects, making you feel all dream-like and distant. It's hateful.

I also have major depression, but since it's just like what I grew up with, I don't fully realise how bad things are, though I feel it.

Working out and taking a nice shower and smelling good will help a lot. Anything that grounds you in your senses.

Just blew a load of money on a dress out of misplaced guilt. Feel like a total cuck desu. Ah well, at least I'm tipsy. Not looking forward to work tomorrow.

>>36967495
Nick has helped me too.

Posting in here for the third or fourth time.
I can't remember exactly when or the name that I used, unfortunately. Making a trip because this group therapy thread or whatever it is seems fairly cozy from time to time. Anyway, apologies in advance for the blog but I afaict, that's what one does here.
So, I took your advice from last time (Nick + Facet) and went to see a psychiatrist. He prescribed me a bunch of meme pills that have calmed down the surging mania but the visit was basically exactly what I was afraid it would be.
Expensive, well recommended guy. Very personable, imagine he schmoozes well. Bullshits with me about my weird vocation and people we both know (one of who he let slip was a patient, makes me feel great about confidentiality.) Point being, if someone gives me an opportunity not to talk in a real life setting, I grab that lifeline. You told me a good psych wouldn't do this but I'm 5/5 at a certain point, it's just me.
Then he looked at the list of what I was prescribed the last time I went down this road, asked me some stuff about side effects. Then he told me my last doctor was a quack, but he gets it; take a bunch of "don't do stuff" pills, double-handpump-shoulderclap-smile and I'm out.
I am so fucked up I don't even know where to begin and every psych I've ever been to seems content to immediately grab onto window dressing and just sedate me.
Is there really no help if you aren't causing any problems? I guess I can just wallow in negative symptoms forever, but everyone pushes this "get help" propaganda so hard and just nothing.
everything's fine, ready to die.
what a joke of a life I lead

>>36969888
Oh okay, of course it got deleted. Tech always breaks when you need it. I'm glad you're back. I'm doing good. Boss invited me to come hang out with him and his friends tonight, so thats going to be fun..

>>36970009
This thread is the start of the help. Speaking only for myself, drugs would only be of limited use. I've been in therapy for years. Honestly, I'm not sure if my problems will ever truly end. That could potentially be the same situation for you, I'm sorry to say.

>>36970009

Consider seeing a psychotherapist for actual therapy. If you go to a psychiatrist, who's a doctor, and don't specify you want therapy, they might just go the meds road and not give a damn.

Not sure that guy inspires me much, to be honest.

>>36970067

Socialising! Nice!

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>>36969928
is it possible to have a mild version of derealization? i definitely have the symptoms but i dont think i experiance it as hard as other people do. like, most days feel like a dream i could wake up from at any moment. i dont really feel ''alive''.

i am natrually kinda solipsistic and paranoid though so thats related for sure but man 80% of the time when im out in public or even at home i am convinced none of it is real,
im also way too dreamy, i get lost in my own thoughts so intensly hours can pass without me realising it.
i really stumble alot when people try to talk to me during those times, i cant get a conversation going the right way when im in that state. it makes things very awkward.

the last couple of months i've been having nightmares atleast 2 times a week, and they feel more real than my usual days when im awake. its terrifying, also the last time i smoked weed i just remember feeling like i snapped out of it.
i fet like a 12 year old kid again with wonder for the world, things felt real again, like i was thrown back into reality. my thoughts were so vivid but i remember them being just as vivid when i was younger, it was honestly nostalgic. like. everything feels like a stale dream now. every day feels like a dejavu of yesterday. i remember how it felt to be grounded in reality. but i havent felt that for over 2 years now except on the rare occasions that i smoke weed. BUT

i would still say i experiance it on a.. milder? scale than stories i read about people with derealization, so idk if i have it or not.

sorry for the venting.

>>36970153
>is it possible to have a mild version of derealization?

Yes. It's a spectrum. It goes from some weird sort of "slightly off" feeling to full on "WHERE THE FUCK AM I, WHAT IS EVERYTHING."

Everything you describe is what I live.

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>>36970153
>is it possible to have a mild version of derealization?
Yes, very much so. Dissociation can range from that slight, dreamy feeling in the world around you, to complete detachment form the world, to the point where you don't even recognize yourself in the mirror. Personally I've been living with the former for years, on and off.
Being an avid lucid dreamer, I can tell you it really feels like a dream. The world is muted, in a way. It's hard to focus on any single thing one the outside and emotions don't quite work as they should. Focusing on the world takes conscious effort and it's like all my mental faculties are sloping inwards.

>>36970148
Right? Boss invited me out to go hang out with him and some of his friends. Seems like fun.

>>36970184
oh, man. i dont wanna become a stoner just to feel like i can enjoy my own thoughts again though. how do i get rid of this.

>>36970243
>to the point where you don't even recognize yourself in the mirror

oh fuck i didnt even mention this yea i have been experiancing this lately. is it weird that i dont mind it some days but on other days it kinda freaks me out?

thanks bros, i was kinda stressing about what was wrong with me but i guess i do have some 5/10 version of it

>>36970288
>oh fuck i didnt even mention this yea i have been experiancing this lately. is it weird that i dont mind it some days but on other days it kinda freaks me out?
Is it really severe, to the point where you don't at first realise it's you at all, maybe even get spooked, or do you just not look like YOU in the mirror?
>thanks bros, i was kinda stressing about what was wrong with me but i guess i do have some 5/10 version of it
You should still seek treatment for it. It could be caused by numerous things, not just anxiety or depression. Though do avoid stressing yourself over it, as that's just likely to make it worse.

>>36970333
im fairly easily recognisable due to my wild hair so even i would always reconise its me, its more accurate to say i just look at my face and it doesnt fit ''me'' as a person,i have a feeling i dont remember when these changes to my face occured. something has changed but i dont really notice what. but its definetly not who i remember myself to be. ive spent quite a few minutes just staring at my eyes and trying to find what was bugging me. its honestly quite frightening. its just not me anymore.

>>36969961
Is it at least a cute dress?

>>36970333
im very anxious to start treatment again because i live in the middle of nowhere and theres only like 2 places for me to get help wich are 1. very far way wich is effort and motivation to do anything left me years ago, and 2. ive already been to them before and it didnt help me and it was honestly emberassing. id feel very awkward going back. i know they have records of me and they would bring it up again.

>>36969928
> but I found that speaking with humans for many hours really does me good.
this. it helped me.
i didn't know. i wish i knew about this earlier. i knew i was troubled but i didn't know what it was.
last semester i fucked it up, failed two classes because on that day i was feeling like absolute, absolute shit. i don't even want to remember. i know that i was anxious far more than i could handle.
i feel you.
so what did you have to do in the therapy? i currently have no irl friends, so i talk here. it makes me relieved to know that i'm not alone in this. don't you feel the same too?
>I also have major depression, but since it's just like what I grew up with, I don't fully realise how bad things are, though I feel it.
ah, is it from the derealization? i feel like harming myself sometimes, not sure if im not depressed or am used to depression.

>Working out and taking a nice shower and smelling good will help a lot. Anything that grounds you in your senses.
the problem is, i have been professionally diagnosed with ocd, and i can feel it when i'm overthinking, so sometimes when i'm overthinking, it doesn't stop, and i run into this derealization, sometimes i feel it for an hour a day and snap, sometimes the majority of the day (last year) though last year, i put my self to sleep when it came. my ocd wants me to pay attention to every detail, so i shut myself down.

>be me
>have anxiety problems my whole life, panic attacks, possible autism etc..
>be driving home down rural rode
>see lights of car well off road and slanted at an angle such that you could tell it had just been in a wreck
>pull over
>start to freak out, don't want to have to see this or talk to anyone
>walk up to car
>25ish year old girl in car, she has the door open and is bleeding badly from a cut on her thigh and her neck is fucked as though it were broken and she is holding her head with both hands for stability
>fuck me panic
>She does not seem to notice I am right there at first, I try to call 911 on my cell, noreception.jpg
>start yelling at her, she turns and is kind of in and out of it, I ask her for her cell phone to call the cops, it's in her purse. I get it
>Start to call, no reception, FUCK
>she is talking to me now asking for help saying please help her out and telling me where she's hurt
>I fucking run back to my car with the intention of driving in the direction of town till i get reception
>wind up hauling ass back home
>I don't know why, I just did it without thinking, I was too scared to drive to get reception and have to talk to the paramedics
>cry
>realize that when I turned off her car (the exhaust was resting on grass/leaves and was burning them i thought there would be a fire) I turned off her lights and nobody could see her from the road
>next day look up local news, sure enough a fatal wreck was reported at that location with her name listed and how she was going to college and everything, fuck
>worry my fingerprints are on her purse, I have her phone
>beat phone to bits with hammer, throw the bag of cell parts into a trash can down town

I still think about it, I wish I had done something different

Thoughts about this intrude on my every day thinking and ability to work

>>36970497
>so what did you have to do in the therapy?

I speak volumes, for now.

You're most likely heavily depressed.

Do a test.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/tests/health/mental-health-assessment

>>36970530
Holy shit dude you killed that woman.

Sorry, guys, I'm physically unable to continue. Too little sleep last night. My eyes are closing.

But do go on without me.

>>36971010
no the car wreck killed her, I just pussied out

>>36971050
You'd be found culpable in quite a few countries around the world.

>>36971010
>>36970530
You didn't kill her. But you didn't save her either. It takes training and/or extraordinary will to handle that shit in-person.

>>36971050
You could have saved her, but you didn't. You murdered her through inaction.

>>36971050
bullshit. you were the only one who couldve helped and you didnt. you killed her

>>36970678
ah. i'm a bit hesitant about going to a therapist. partially because i'm scared of being too clear. am i missing on something worthy? i'm not much of a speaker anyways.
and not true, it doesnt seem like i'm depressed.

>>36971046
Don't worry about us Nick get a good night's rest.

>>36971046
good night , Nick

>>36971075
>>36971079
>>36971081

It's not like I woke up that morning and got a claw hammer and went out and intentionally killed some girl.

I just wish I could stop thinking about it.

How do I stop thinking about it?

>>36970451
It was a cute dress I reckon. A little bit fancy, mind. A night out kind of dress.

>>36971046
I snoozed out for a moment myself. Sleep well.

>>36971144
>It's not like I woke up that morning and got a claw hammer and went out and intentionally killed some girl.
No, but your (in)action is quite possibly what killed her.
>I just wish I could stop thinking about it.
>How do I stop thinking about it?
Not going to happen so long as you try to escape the blame.

>>36971144
you have to go back in time and save her marty, or else you wont be born

>>36971191

The last thing I said to her was "Don't worry I'm going to go get help" and she smiled at me

I can't get that face out of my mind, it's like I am going crazy

>>36971144
You don't. EVER
Failing to save someone sticks with you. You'll see that person's face every time you close your eyes. You just have to learn to live with it.

>>36971276
what if i go to therapy or take drugs or something

i cant function

>>36970530
Since no one else is going to do it, I'm going to be the one to tell you:

You made mistakes but you owed her nothing. She died because of the accident. In the end, her death doesn't matter. Just one tragedy among many. You passed by on the other side, and that's all. It would have been nice if you'd saved her but the fact that you didn't is only a missed opportunity. She's lost in the earth now, and troubled no longer.

>>36971335
I know anon. It HURTS. You can't explain how, but your soul is hurting. If you have a routine get back in it as soon as possible. This will help you function.

>>36971248
well at least you got to give her some relief when you killed her

>>36971384
She can't move on though. Her soul is still trapped here, waiting for him to return with help.

>>36971144
It's neither careless nor thoughtless; you cared very much and you thought about it very much. The simple fact is that it was to her fatal misfortune that she encountered someone with your impediments. Her own misadventure coupled with your incapacity. A roll of the dice saw her done away with. You did only what you were able to do, for want of doing more.

>>36971461
Don't peddle such foolishness. The dead do not rest: they only rot. No purpose in spooking him with childish tales.

>>36971451
>well at least you got to give her some relief when you killed her
asshole

>>36971655
>asshole
hey now. im not the one that goes around killing people willy nilly

>>36971493
Well you're not wrong, but you sound like a fedoralord.

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>>36970530
it's (You) again.
You were so smug the other day, what happened?

>>36971188
Pics of the dress?

>>36970530
>using a hammer to destroy your phone

Hi Hillary.

In my country, Turkey (cockroach-land), spouses often addressed as "road friends". At first, I imagined that the "road" was the life. But when I ask an old cockroach about seeing his wife as "a road friend". He said that road was not the life. Road was his goals and intentions and his wife's "road" was intercepting with his and thats why he feel in love and married with her for 34 years.

Sorry for my cockroach English.

>>36971858
it's not funny anon

>>36971995
if there had been a car crash by the intersecting roads they probably wouldn't have called >>36970530 for help

>>36972235
in an area with good cell reception he would have helped plenty

>>36971924
I don't have pics but I can give you a description. It's a midnight blue, no straps or owt, elasticated around the middle to accommodate the bustier individual, bare arms. I don't know if that's too vague but I'm not exactly an expert.

>>36972289
no he wouldnt. as he said. instead of reaching an area with reception and then calling he turned back home and cried :)
he couldnt overcome his social anxiety not even to save a persons life. for him it was more important to not feel anxious than saving the life of a person

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>>36972220
I know it is not, but as a fellow criminal I can't resist but banting your sore ass.
You're not a bad person. If you were you wouldn't break down like you're doing right now.
But at the same time you seem to think that you can get away with it, while knowing that you left too much proof back there.

Have you destroyed the phone's battery?

Now relax. the police may or may not be on their way, and as you will soon discover, it does not really matter.

You know what happened and you will never change that so don't try.

Just make your mind up; do you want to go to jail? If not, do you want to start over elsewhere? If not, do you want to pay a psychologist to tell him the story?

You will be judged anyway, may it be by you or any people you tell this story to.

Grab a smoke, pop up some jazz, you witnessed death and you're the one alive.

Life is good.

>>36972370
it was months ago

It was an iphone and I did not see a way to open it to get at the battery so I beat it with a hammer till there was nothing bigger than a dime left

>>36972430
Good, I see that you're a natural.
Except maybe that the phone was intact during your whole ride home and that its last GPS coord was upon your head.
You may now pray for the family to stop answering themselves where the iphone got when their girl went dead.

You can escape. You have good odds of doing so, but it's not over yet.

Prepare an alibi for the car ride and signal loss at your place.

>>36972524
>Except maybe that the phone was intact during your whole ride home and that its last GPS coord was upon your head.
>You may now pray for the family to stop answering themselves where the iphone got when their girl went dead.
Is this actually possible, don't fuck with me anon

>>36973209
I'm an IT pro.
iphones age generally geolocalized h24 in case of theft.
Plus the facebook geoloc
plus the twitter geoloc
plus any app geoloc really

any iphone is easily traceable until death.
Plus you didn't extract and destroyed the SIM card.

What model was it?

>>36973320
>What model was it?

I don't fucking know. It was not one of the fuckhuge brand new ones that's all I know. I turned it off while driving when I decided not to make a call with it.

Are you telling me it still broadcasted it's GPS signal down to the foot even when not making calls or doing anything?

>>36973402
see that's what happens when you murder someone, anon. next time just call fucking 911

Hey, I'm back. What's up guys?

>>36973449
>next time just call fucking 911
I tried, no reception at the scene

>>36973507
i meant calling once you had reception, dummy

>>36973493
a guy who killed a girl by the road is asking how to evade imprisonment. quite interesting

>>36973541
Did he deliberately run her down?

>>36973654
he might as well had

>>36973654
no, and he feels bad about it we are trying to help him deal with survivor guilt

>>36973824
>>36973874
What's the context guys?

yo nick, is you alright?
where have you been yesterday?


the suicidal dreams and thoughts are back once again
i've had a dream about writing my suicide note and jumping off a building

>>36974028
can you not read one half of one single fucking thread?

>>36973402
I bet it has been if it had 3G or LTE coverage.
so it may have got off sync for some time, but I'm pretty positive it has been geolocated at the minute you had network coverage again.

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oh almost forgot:
even if it didn't geolocalize via an app it has been giving its location when on range if the battery was intact.

So there is only a chance that you have been traced.

But heck I wouldn't test my luck with an iphone.

>>36974394
so am I fucked or what, it's been months I assume they are not looking for her phone, what can i do anyway at this point?

>>36974083
I don't want to, but I'm still not going to.

>>36974579
do you even English?

do you even chan

>>36974578
wait and see.
Do like it never happened, stop posting about it on a fed-monitored website.

There's a live suicide going on in another thread if anyone's into that. Not going to watch myself. Would have to create an account of some kind. No thanks FBI.

>>36975347
nah he pussied out.

>>36975466
So you say, but he's started a new thread/ stream. He got shut down apparently

>>36975567
wanna take bets?
>>36975439

>>36975628
I'm going to bed soon. However, I'll bet five (You)s that he doesn't do it

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>>36970153
i told u dis before bae dont stress it just tell me about your dreams and shit r9k isnt gonna do you any good im sorry

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I'm back. Still have writer's block, I've spent the past few days wasting all my precious time. I feel lost. I have a letter from my university and I'm scared to open it.

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>>36975668
related is this pic.

just wondering if anybody has experience with driving oneself insane. can one actually make oneself insane by imposing himself crazy thoughts (that one initially doesnt believe) and gradually train himself to believe them?

>>36977047
nope.
smoke an overkill amount of weed, get naked, put a blanket on yourself, get a clock, get a dice, watch h24 news channel for 12h straight.