Greentext your worse puking stories >alcoholic retail cuck

>>36931266
I nearly always throw up after eating and I can't help it I can't keep anything down wtf

>>36931266
Not my worst but my funniest
>at the gym
>had just eaten a big meal, burgers and ice cream in the city
>full as fuck
>doing sets of 20 rep squats
>20 rep squats are very hard
>get nauseous
>after set 4 throw up in gym trash can
>continue on with workout
>after set 6 have to vomit again
>start throwing up little chunks into the trash can
>some fat Mexican guys just look at me funny
>finish workout without throwing up again

>>36931306
sorry about your AIDS bro, you can get some meds for that.

anyone got any more of them stories?

>sniffin dem percs
>decide to order pizza
>get party size cus I'm disgusting and super hungry
>get back to apartment,shovel down 3/4 of pizza
>sniff half of one and drip gets to me
>projectile vomit on table,floor and on the rest of the pizza for like 45 minutes

I still did that other half like 20 minutes after I was done. Worst ever. Was cleaning that shit for a while.

>drunk as fuck
>need to take a shit
>roll myself a smoke while shitting
>it smells so bad that it makes me gag a bit after a diet of chicken nuggets and beer for the last few days
>put smoke in mouth
>light it up
>inhale, but nothing coming through
>start slamming that smoke hard into my lungs
>feel melting plastic drip onto my bare thigh
>realize i just melted the filter and inhaled the fiberglass smoke
>start coughing and projectile vomiting all over myself and the shower wall
>goes on for about 15 mins
>cant breath properly for a good 30 mins after
>feel like im dying

it was my last smoke as well

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>in college
>small town, middle of nowhere
>pretty much just the college and rednecks for hours in any direction
>friends and i (inb4 normie) decide we're gonna get shitty
>go to the one liquor store
>they are having a sale on knockoff 4loko
>incredibly cheap prices
>pay small amount of money for 64 cans of fake 4loko

>go back to campus
>smoke a bunch of weed
>weird autistic college friends are all mingling around doing dumb shit
>crack open the fake 4loko
>friend and i decide to try it first
>finish a can each
>absolutely disgusting
>tastes like malt windex
>don't feel drunk
>figure it must be so cheap because it doesn't get you very drunk
>drink more
>get halfway through a can
>neither of us can open our eyes anymore
>some kind of truly transcendent drunken stupor overwhelms us
>i slowly make my way to a different friend's bed
>people enter and exit the room all night, it's a party
>constantly trying to chat
>just laying on a bed with my eyes shut because i know if i open them i will vomit
>lay there for over an hour
>party does not stop
>eventually decide i can open my eyes
>immediately vomit in my mouth
>nobody notices
>just laying there with a mouth full of vomit
>not even that drunk anymore, fully aware of my situation
>man up
>swallow
>nausea wears off
>eventually get up to look for my other friend

>find him staring at the bathroom door
>explains he has been vomiting profusely for the past hour and a half
>this never happens to either of us and we regularly put garbage substances into our bodies
>have a serious conversation with him about whether or not we should go to the hospital
>decide we didn't vomit blood so we're in the clear
>suddenly we just look at each other
>stand up in unison
>RUN into the bathroom
>i get a toilet
>he gets the bathtub
>vomit profusely
>in sync
>finally stop
>look at each other
>vomit dripping from our lips
>never drink the stuff again

>mfw we gave a pair of freshman 62 cans of knockoff 4loko the day before we graduated

>>36931266
Alcohol poisoning and puked blood, was not the first time.

>>36932016
note: i guess it was actually 60 cans now that i'm doing the math

they probably died anyway though so who cares

This is a good one from Friday.
>get off work early
>meet up with friend to go to a dive bar by his house
>drinking rolling rocks and well whiskey shots as fast as we can get them, with my buddy being about 12 beers ahead of me
>friend is making a complete asshole of himself, talking to strangers about his girlfriend, generally being a big phoney
>only people who will really talk to us are a couple of Mexicans who obviously don't really like us, but they are polite and humor is and give us a bump of cocaina
>move on to next bar, get more drinks
>friend pukes in the alley and it smells rancid, mostly a mix of expired ranch and lunch meat
>I sit down and choke down a beer
>10 minutes later I go out to the alley and puke a 50/50 mix of liquor and blood
>for some reason it didn't register that was not normal and I kept drinking afterwards and drank all the next night
After that my stomach started hurting to the point where it made realize it might be a good idea to take a break. My friend and I also unsuccessfully tried to score crack, but I didn't see how I could work that in.

>>36932474
Was it a ulcer or something? Puking blood is not good family

>>36931266
I dont eat when I drink so I wouldn't know what your complaining about.

When I was 17, I drank 4 Four Lokos in 1 hour and spent the next 45 minutes vomiting over the side of a cruise ship. Not fun

>>36932474
Lotta fucking Mexican stories in this thread?
Mexicans everywhere apparently.

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>>36932681
Man I love these fucking shits,

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>>36931266
>be at friends memorial
>start drinking captain morgan and sprite
>they order papa johns
>eat some
>break out into hives and vomit
>realize i'm allergic to that cheap greasy shit
>end up throwing away some shoes and a t-shirt I really liked

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It's hitting me that everyone that I used to know thinks of me as an alcoholic.
I have too many awful public vomit incidents to settle on any of them. They're also utterly pedestrian in nature no matter how I would spin them in greentext. Sad person takes too many substances for the situation and does embarrassing thing in front of people who already think of them as a large child.
Disgraceful, but also completely irrelevant to anything I'm doing going forward. Got that going for me, at least.

I never had a "bad" puking story but I got a funny one
>be in bar on new years
>need to puke
>small bar with small toilets so the one cubicle is closed and 5 or so other guys are on the urinal
>turn to walk out but puke all over one guys back
>he only just notices as im powerwalking out

>>36932605
Not sure, I haven't gone to a doctor. If I did he'd probably just tell me something I already know like to stop drinking so much.

This happened to me when I was about 13 years old.

>Be on a field trip with school
>Be staying in a semi-decent hotel
>Past few months I've noticed that my burps have smelled like moldy cheerios now and then
>On this day the burps smelled like shit mixed with yeast
>Other people were noticing it and grossed out by it
>Later that night I'm sleeping on the couch with about 3 others sleeping on the floor
>I barf in the middle of the night and almost choke on my own vomit
>it goes all over my blanket
>luckily it doesn't go on anyone else
>I feel like complete shit
>manage to stealth roll-up my blanket and throw it in the trash while ninja-walking my way past people on the floor
>heading straight for the bathroom
>Puke for an hour straight
>Right when I think I feel better my asshole explodes and I diarrhea for another hour
>When I think the torment is over I'm about to fall asleep on the bathroom floor
>There's something wiggling in my asshole
>Shat harder than I have ever shat in my life
>I look in the toilet
>I just shat out a fucking tapeworm
>flush the toilet and puke again at the sight
>My stomach has never been more empty
>Shower, clean up the toilet, and sleep on the bathroom floor

Woke up at about 5 in the morning and didn't tell anyone.
Class also thought I was anorexic because I didn't eat anything for the rest of the trip.

>>36931266
>Americans actually use "proof" as a way of measuring alcohol strength

It's like you fat fucks insist on making everything more complicated because you have such a fat stick up your arrogant ass

>>36932999
Why are foreigners so obsessed with us?

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>>36931266
downed a whole bottle of cough syrup because I was a stupid teenager and wanted to get high, they put tonnes of sorbitol in it to induce vomiting and prevent abuse but I was trying my absolute hardest to keep from vomiting, eventually caved and projectile vomit about 2 metres with the pressure of a fire hose, I threw up so hard it hurt. The nausea from opiates is nothing to me now, so I'm somewhat thankful for the experiences

>100 proof soco

grim

>>36933013
I'm sincerely repulsed by imperial measurement standards that's it

>>36932730
i just read that in homers voice lol

I threw up on a bouncer's boots. We're actually pretty good friends now, though.

>>36932961
That's fucking nasty, mah nigga...

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>>36931266
>Be me 14-15 years
>At small party with about 4 people
>drinking beer
>actually good
>drinks 3 beers within 7 minutes
>gets dizzy
>ends up drinking about 10 in total
>feels stomach gurgling
>walk over to toilet
>bend over on toilet
>puke like i hadn't puked before

MFW i slept over at friend's house
MFW i was never caught

>>36933128
when I hear myself on recording, that's pretty much what I sound like
it's sad because I think that's what other people hear
>tfw in my head I sound like John Wayne

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>>36933877
>when you even forget the picture