So why do you want to kill yourself?

I don't. I just generally think dying would be easier than to keep trying and that turns into the active wish of wanting to die whenever things are going badly, or I'm feeling like shit.

Cause I get a deep sense of dread from just existing

Because the cascade effect of having fallen behind developmentally in childhood has created a gap between me and my age group that has been increasing since age 5 and has been a constant source of frustration and missed chances.

-I never "grew up" emotionally, and I don't feel like I ever will
-I can't believe in anything, least of all myself. Whatever brain function allows people to be religious or believe in something, I just lack.
-I don't talk about my problems because nobody wants to hear my whining, and I don't want to hear theirs. Hell, I don't even read other people's posts in these threads.
-Even if I did get better overnight, I'd be so ashamed of who I used to be I wouldn't want to live.

Because no matter what I do to improve my situation, nothing seems to work out and only serves to set me up for even greater disappointment.

>>36818536
life is shit and desu nicole the thought of never getting into that ass of yours is pretty bad