I am beginning to seriously fear for my sanity.

>>36806053
Also, in the unlikely event I somehow create a ship sometime in the future, who would like to come with me on adventures in the outer rim?

>>36806066
Seriously I'm 5'10 1/2 and I'm bi. I weigh 150 pounds and I have a sub fetish. I'll wear some black high heels and a choker and black lipstick and suck you off in orbit above Earth.

I'll even let you touch the throttle. I just don't wanna go to space alone.

>>36806269
Why you gotta ruin a cool thread by talkin about all that gay shit son?

You clearly have some form of bi polar disorder like me.

This is pretty interesting. At least you can do what you want.

>>36807059
nobody was posting

>>36807357
I do have Bipolar. I am meds for it. I've just never had this happen before.

>>36807654
I HOPE I can do this. I feel like some faggot trying to be some Dr. Who or Rick or some stupid gay ass shit. I genuinely believe it can be done though.

>>36806053
>>36807853
Do you think your behaviour makes you a danger to yourself or others? I.e. bad spending decisions, speeding, violence, sexual disinhibition etc? Are you unhappy?
If the answers to those questions are yes then I'd go to your shrink and talk about maybe getting your doses bumped up.
If not, don't worry about it. Enjoy your manic episode.

>>36807853
Why is it that bipolar folks always get hung up on outer space. My bipolar friend in college thought that the university was constructing a space ship secretly off in the woods so that he and the cute girl down at the quickie mart could go colonize mars. Then he got hospitalized after walking out in the woods in the freezing cold for days looking for the fucking spaceship. Bad craziness man.

I am bi polar and I don't really give a fuck about space. What's the point of going to another planet when we're just going to destroy it like the one we have now.

But I understand what OP is doing and I've done similar things. End result I can't talk about because the statue of limitations hasn't passed. Bi polar + autism = shit gets done.

>>36807949
I'm unhappy, but I'm not at the same time. I don't know how to explain it.

I feel kind of muted? But I also still experience joy and a sense of belonging. I now believe in God after reading some books about it for example. I feel like I'm on some path or something. I dunno. This gives me a feeling of purpose so... Eh.

But at the same time, if I were to get hit by a car, I wouldn't care if I were to die. I don't understand.

>>36807960
>>36808062
Because Earth sucks.


Also I think I know what triggered this: I was taking some Focalin, an ADHD drug in an attempt to treat my ADHD, but it wasn't working well so I went off it and told my shrink I didn't want to try any other drugs for ADHD. Then I started to feel this way.

Honestly, I don't really mind feeling this way. I feel really smart and sharp now. I also have noticed I don't slur my speech or talk like a retard in real life. I've become kind of articulate. It's really weird what is going on. I wonder if the Focalin somehow cleared away whatever was making me a retard. I feel more able to do Math than I ever have before. When I study it's like I'm just downloading shit into my brain.

>>36808127
>Honestly, I don't really mind feeling this way. I feel really smart and sharp now. I also have noticed I don't slur my speech or talk like a retard in real life. I've become kind of articulate. It's really weird what is going on. I wonder if the Focalin somehow cleared away whatever was making me a retard. I feel more able to do Math than I ever have before. When I study it's like I'm just downloading shit into my brain.

But are you actually?
I'd find some way of objecively testing your intelligence so you can know if this info is actually sinking in.

>>36808127
I believe in God after multiple crazy experiences. I had an ego death some years back. Directly after I spent a whole week basically preaching to people on /r9k/ and telling them all why they were wrong. They did not like it at all. After that my depression was cured and I didn't want to kill myself anymore. But I'm still bi polar and I have delusions of grandeur instead of suicidal thoughts now. It's fun.

The earth doesn't suck. The people in control on the earth suck. It's the most beautiful place you could feasibly hope to find. It won't be for very much longer though. We treat it like our whore and the corporations are the pimps we pay to fuck her.

Civilization is the cause of pain. Without it life is able to follow the laws of nature and gets on fine. As it always had before.

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>>36808239
This is pretty much mine.
Like, I think right now I have it like this:
I have a default mood, which is just a flat line, and then I have my massive spike that lasts for a long time. It just feels like my default mood has kind of 'shifted' to where it is now higher.

Pic related, kind of what the past few months have felt like - the line represents my mood.

>>36808179
Yeah I feel like I am. I've been doing a lot of tests and exams in between sessions and I seem to be getting really nice scores. I also have retaken a bunch of old internet IQ tests(I know they're fake and bullshit, I don't have the money to do a real one), and I'm getting like, 40 points higher than I used to. This is pretty cool. I hope to God it never goes away. Speaking of God, I really wonder if this is a higher power intervening and making me feel smart since I gave myself to God.

>>36808308
Mine can dip way below my default. I can be violently angry. I also have high points that can last for days but if something breaks my focus I am in trouble. I'm not on ADHD drugs though.

>>36806269

Why go to space for that?

>>36808308
Anyway in that time I told you about, the time in which my thoughts were pure. When I knew exactly what was right the most important thing I learned is that any time you think hateful thoughts about someone it's like taking steps away from God. If you want to continue down that path keep your intention as pure as possible. It's impossible to be totally pure living in this world. Even if you reach that state as I did for a short time something will drag you back. Be aware of it and correct it as much as you can.

>>36808433
Man I'd not only like to get into space, but I'd like to just become as smart and informed as I possibly can.

Like, I want to get to the point of know-how in electrical and physics shit to where if I were locked in a room with a radio, some tape, and some wires and other misc items, I would be able to take apart the radio and create something out of it that would help me out of the situation. I don't know. I may really have lost my mind. But is that really a bad thing? Some of the greatest people on Earth were fucking insane.

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good for you, OP. I don't think you're crazy. just uhh, don't tell your friends or coworkers what you are doing. you can tell them about what you're learning but they are going to have a hard time grasping the finer points

>>36806053
You should stop watching reddit shows.

>>36806053
It's going to be a loooooooooong time before you build a rocket if you're needing to learn geometry and algebra 1 and 2 past the age of 18, buddy,

>>36806053
that sounds awesome op it's like a calamity of the mind but you unlocked or tapped into some sort of genius. not bad bro.

>>36808509
I already have a good grasp on the core concepts, I'm just brushing up on things. Right now, I'm at about a Pre-Calc level or so. I am willing to work at this for as long as it takes.

Anyways, I'm about to go head to bed. Good night Anons.

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>>36806053
Welcome to the magical world of scientific escapism.
You're one of us now

>>36809487
is it possible to actually achieve shit and become a modern mad scientist in todays land?