What factors do you think contributed to you becoming so messed

I also never look into people's eyes out of fear, I just look forward and pretend I do t see people looking at me to pretend I'm normal and just doing my own thing.

i believe that I am genetically unfit to continue my lineage and I believe that women can sense that, hence why I am creepy and wierd to them, my father is an actual NEET who still lives with his mother in Ireland at 46, I have no entrepreneurial genes and will never make it, and I am physically weak too

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The OP photo was a year ago before I developed my mental illness and this is me today, I shaved my hair because I was so frustrated from trying to look attractive so I said fuck it.

I don't want to be rich or successful I just want peace

>>36616695
I'm sorry anon, that sounds messed up. I was a pretty normie teenager but then I changed school when I was 15. I was bullied severely and that changed my mind completely.
I'm now a 20 year old pale, gaunt, awkward young adolescent unable to perform even the easiest daily life tasks on my own

being naturally neurotic most of my youth and then psychotic for my teen years after ODing on synthetic pot

I believe this was mostly of my doing and I dont blame others or really regret what I've become

>be me
>mom gets divorced when im 2 yr old
>don't talk to my dad for 5 years
>mom gets re married
>gets divorced two years later
>mom had an abusive mother and an absent father so she's messed up as it is
>finally meets guy she really likes
>gets fucking married and has 4th child even though we're poor af
>stay married for 10 years
>dad cheats on her with 16 18 yr old girls and literally 23 older girls
>mom goes completely batshit crazy
>move in with aunt and uncle cause of the bullshit at home
>doesn't help that even though I'm/fit/ ppl at school still think I'm retarded and a loser
>I'm now 18 and desperately wish someone would come along and shoot me in the skull
Feels bad anon

>>36616695
Weird, moving didn't do much to me.
>moved about 15 times before turning 18
>changed schools more than I can remember
>made lots of new and different friends
>little to no social issues as an adult

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>>36616979
Holy shit, litteral JUST hair

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This is my room this is op it's messy

Orrrrirhdjsmmdkd

>dad introduced me to video games at a young age
>become obsessed
>never home on weekends because my sister played travel softball
>spent ages 10-13 playing gmod dark rp with europeans whichintroduced me to autists
>elementary school friends abandoned me in 6th grade leaving me a loner in middle school and making me paranoid about relationships
>borderline personality disorder, anxiety, adhd

i was a chad in elementary school...

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>>36616695
>was a mistake
>heavily bullied growing up
>had absolutely nothing even close to friends and parents knew but didn't care
>was told mental illness wasn't a thing
>had unrestricted internet access from a young age (started browsing 4chan at 10ish)
>would go days to weeks without saying a single real word and no adults around me ever thought anything of it
>majority of my human interaction growing up was through the internet
>pretty much unhelpable now because the only advice I get is just act normal or b urself

I think I was always messed up socially.

I had friends as a school kid but only because I was embarrassed to be alone during recess.

I hated hanging out with them outside of school, and only did so because I was too agreeable.

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>>36616695

some but not all of my shit right here

>moved from nice town to a degenerate hillbilly shithole when 6
>diagnosed autism
>parrenting issues
>dad beat mom every day until she ran away with me
>poor family
>instead of being allowed to read my science books I was forced outside to "play with other kids"
>constant bullying until high school
>from both kids and school staff
>violent pedophile prominent PE teacher
>5th-7th grade catholic school
>was unwanted hated step kid
>tried to get out asap
>alcohol/drug abuse period during high school
>studied art
>lost virginity to worst girl ever, wouldn't stop talking about her gay ex's uncircumcised noodle
>inexperienced, got fucked by all bosses
>golddigging selfish gf left me broke in the city
>no friends
>the only "friends" forgot I exist the second I was out of sight
>am 23 now
>factory worker
>hatred for bourgeois
>jealous of neets
>only have one actual true friend who's just as fucked up as I am
>affraid of developing feelings for her
>too autistic to focus on anyone else because only her and other robots here understand what shit feels like

mom's trying to fix her mistakes now, but I've decided to end my line and get a vasectomy and work at the chain for fifty years then die of heart attack or cancer or something, smoke a pack a day, still haven't gotten over depression, just wanna live out my days playing vidya with her

I just used to be inside the house most of the times and rarely didn't talk to anyone in school when I was a kid.

I'm sure there are other factors that might have contributed but this is what i can think of atm.

>>36618437
So you've gone the suicide through shit lifestyle route, hmm interesting

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>>36616695
OP our situations are eerily similar!! I've moved 5 times, and will be moving a 6th time before I turn 19.

My dad's an alcoholic, too. My parents would fight a lot during my developmental years, around 9 years old we left my dad and went to another country. Both my mum's parents died very young. I was bullied a bit too, for how I look. I have social anxiety. My biggest dream is being able to isolate myself in the woods as well.

Anon I am rooting for you very hard because I know how you feel!!! Make your dream of isolation come true.

>>36616979
You look attractive... what are you on about? Symmetry, clear skin, etc.

>>36620201
moving 6 times as in 6 different countries - moving houses is more than I can count.

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>>36616695
ITT losers bitch and cry about supposedly horrible things they've gone through, but actually aren't all that serious

>Boohoo someone did something mean to me 20 years ago
>Better completely ruin my life because of it

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>>36616695
I probably have messed up testosterone or something, but I've never had anything like that come up in any hospital visit so I don't know how much I can bank on that. I've never been an assertive or aggressive person. I never really took chances, the few friends I have kind of stumbled upon me when they saw me with gameboys, yugioh cards, whatever. I'm just the perfect prop. I stay out of focus.

>>36616695
>never wanted to eat as a kid because I didn't like anything
>grow up always being smallest kid in class
>bullied a lot
>ugly during puberty
>girls pretending to like me on msn and laugh in my face the next day
>start avoiding contact with girls
>now people tell me I look good
>not good enough for girls to hit on me
>never learned social skills with girls, can befriend them at most
>26yo kissless virgin and no idea how to treat girls besides being nice to them

>>36616695
Enabling parents that threw money at family and relationship problems despite never buying anything that was needed and only being middle class in a poor neighborhood.

>>36616695
Constant bullying. I tried both fighting and being a pacifist, I only ended up getting hurt. I was always bullied and teased so I couldn't tell if people were trying to sincerely reach out to me or if it was just another trick. I had anger issues and only resolved them when I was removed from people after graduating high school. My life has always been just work and solitary hobbies, so I never figured out normalcy or even how a casual conversation works. If I meet people due to family socializing I'm always labeled "the shy one" even if I just have no opinion on the matter or just flat-out can't relate.

After graduating high school, I might have delved into some personality reassessments. I can't get mad unless I enable it. When I do I sort of go berserk. At best I'm content and at worst I'm irked, mostly bored. If I go berserk I feel alive, I don't know how else to put it. I've done manual labor while going berserk once and I had to rest for two weeks due to how I over-strained myself. I digress though, what this has to do with my social life is that I'm not a confident person in my default state. At least I can sort of talk with that berserk state, so I'm not exactly "alone". He's basically my only friend, even if he's only an extension of myself.

It really just comes down to being attractive.

>>36616695

Good luck dude, hope you make it!

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>>36616695
>born with mild cerebral palsy, muscle development weaker than it should of been
>parents were black sheeps of their family, outed and despised and so naturally that stigma fell onto me and my sister
>parents divorce early
>relocated to shithole NJ with mom and older sis to "start a new life" after divorce case
>abusive narcissistic alcoholic drug addict mom's new boyfriend
>would later get into physical fights with him to protect mom and the sisters from his batshit withdraws and attacks
>racial tension and bullying in school, was choked out on a basketball court for literally being white among many other cases
>abusive babysitter throughout elementary, would tie me to chairs for hours at a time while she went out to get high/drink and mom didn't care
>once forced me to go through her dead neighbor's stuff to see if she missed anything important convincing me it was stuff she brought up to the curb from her basement and I winded up opening up a box that had several dead puppies in it swarming with maggots and flies and which I developed a phobia of parasites from
>needless to say, childhood depression and anxiety
>was scared to make friends and date because I was embarrassed of who I was and where I came from
>dropped out at 16(stopped actually attending school at 15) and spent those 3 years isolating myself completely in my room
>re-enrolled at 18, started getting my life together again then dad(who was my best friend during these dark times and was my only support system) gets diagnosed with cancer and I promised him on his death bed that I'd make him proud, take care of my mom, and come into my own as a man and now I get constantly stressed out and physically beat myself up privately anytime I fuck up or say the wrong thing
>I'm 22 now and made up for so much I've missed but it never feels like enough