> be me > 2012 > 14 years old > don't have a

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> be me
> 2012
> 14 years old
> don't have a single friend to talk to
> spend all my time playing web-browser games
> eventually find a good multiplayer platformer
> really enjoy it, start talking to some people
> most of them are a bit autistic but so am i
> months pass
> meet a female player
> she is a couple years older than me
> quiet at first, i start talking to her more and more each day
> she doesnt seem weirded out by my autism
> i really like her
> months pass, we become really good friends
> the conversation moves from the in-game chat to skype
> she sends me pictures of herself
> she is beatiful
> think i love her
> confess my feelings to her
> turns out she likes me too
> become online boyfriend/girlfriend
> she starts sending me more pictures
> they are becoming more suggestive and sexual each time
> asks me what i think
> too young to understand the sexual connotations and my autistic brain doesn't know what to do
> sperg out whenever non-innocent conversations come up
> struggling to maintain her affection for me
> she talks to me less and less each day
> i see that she starts talking to other people
> in hindsight the conversations with others seem platonic but younger, autistic me didn't understand
> weeks of confusion & anger eventually make me lash out on her
> breaks up with me
> 5 years later
> im still an autistic khv
> one day i go sorting through my old stuff
> find my old hard drive
> plug it into computer
> skype auto-starts on boot
> see her in the contacts list
> cry
> read through the months of conversation
> i seemed so happy
> have never reached such a mutual level of connection with anyone since
> she is no longer active on this skype account
> cant find her online anywhere
> print out a picture of her and have it in my wallet since then
> honestly dont know what i would do if we ever met again

i know that chances are nobody really cares but i just felt like sharing my autistic story. another drop in the ocean around here.