Having critically low energy, deplorably weak self-discipline,

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I just want to learn how to code and then go learn game design to finally fulfill my dream of starting my very own game development team but I just can't be arsed to learn codding and I have no fucking energy whatsoever 24/365

>>36326346
>learn how to code
You can do it anon. I managed to do it and I'm a little bit retarded. I mostly do webdev though, it's not super complicated stuff.

Seems like game development tools are pretty damn powerful nowadays. You can get started without too much coding it seems.

I don't think I have a low energy situation as extreme as you do. I have depression and it's getting worst though. Do you exercise? It helps.

>>36326206
ADHD-i -- seek stimulants.

>>36326206
how's your diet and exercise routine m8

>>36326206
so, i do the same thing. i am activly ruining my own life. it's really sad, honestly. i have a lot to live for and can achive things if i try, but i just dont. i put off and delay and make excuses and just dont do what im supposed to. im disapointed in my self really.

>>36328232
lol non exsistant

>>36326206
I can relate. I'm in college atm but I just can't get myself to focus or get actual work done. I never miss a day of class and go to every lecture but I can't get myself to pay attention and just end up zoning out. The few times I've been able to focus, I've easily learned the material. But now I'm about to fail a class I've taken multiple times because of my own dumb bullshit.
I'm just not motivated to do anything. It's like, so what if I do well in college? I'll get a decent job and then grind away for 8+ hours a day until I become a bitter old man and die. Maybe if I had a reason to excel in college I'd do better.

>>36326206
you sound just like me. do you have discord?

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>>36328417
>It's like, so what if I do well in college? I'll get a decent job and then grind away for 8+ hours a day until I become a bitter old man and die. Maybe if I had a reason to excel in college I'd do better.
OP here. In regards to my education, for me it's more that I have a lot of interests, but I don't know how I would leverage any of them into something that would allow me to make a living. Even then, no matter how much passion I have for my interests, I don't have enough energy to do anything useful much of the time, and even when I do, I can't focus myself enough to make much of any meaningful progress or do anything substantial. Like this, I just don't see myself ever becoming useful enough to support myself or accomplish anything with my interests.

>>36328453
I have an account, but I never use it, I would never be on there.

>>36328770
that's a shame

we sound so similar, i think we'd make good friends

I'm in a very similar situation, my current plan is to get my own car so I can move out of my parents house. I think I CAN focus on a task but only when I'm under immense pressure and I think being on my own will help me focus on the things that matter to me. I have no trouble working at my current job, I love to work because I know I'm being paid and I have to do it or else I'll get fired and have no second chance.

>>36329164
>can only focus on a task with immense pressure
Same here man. I was also thinking about leaving my parents house because the safety net makes me feel like I can fuck up as much as I want. There's no stakes to anything and I end up procrastinating things until the last few hours or I just don't do them at all.

>>36329164
>my current plan is to [...] move out of my parents house
I'm so incompetent that I don't know what I would do on my own. Without my family there to consult, I would feel very insecure and liable to get into frustrating situations without any help at hand. Without my family there to be around to help stave off loneliness, being completely alone without any people to interface with closely on a daily basis or have conversations with in person, I feel like I would lose my mind a bit. That said, I would enjoy the privacy of living without my family.

>I think I CAN focus on a task but only when I'm under immense pressure
I'm the opposite, where I am even more ineffectual unless I am in a relaxed, unconstrained environment. Naturally, this is not common.

>>36329421
This is a good point, I feel this as well.

Damn OP I feel the exact same way. I've been feeling this way since 2014. I feel and act just like you. Do you have any ideas that you've tried that I could?

>>36327412
where do u get stimulants

>>36329567
>Do you have any ideas that you've tried that I could?
Nothing that's worked, of course, and your situation and psychology would be distinct as well, so strategies of mine could possibly not work for you anyway, and vice versa. I can attempt to give you ideas.

Primarily, to cope with the way I am, I obsessively keep and manage endless files of notes and lists on my phone and computer, which I use to try to remind myself what I care about and what I should do. It feels like this way I can have something remotely tangible, some record of what I want to do and what is meaningful to me, for lack of being able to do much of anything. The issue, though, is that it can be rather crushing to read through these notes and lists while not having the sufficient energy or focus much of the time, and so they can frequently just overwhelm and frustrate me more, a reminder of my failure to act. Still, I'm glad I have these things written, because otherwise I would have nothing at all, since my thoughts and plans can't get a tangible foothold in reality otherwise and would just dissolve.

I don't know how coherent or useful that was.

Well I have never really tried to fix my problems which is why I asked you. I will definitely try to keep some notes to remind me. Are you still in school? Because I still am and if you're not then I wouldn't have any ideas to help you. I would try to give you some ideas but I'm just not really sure.

>>36326206

This is me, too, OP.

Gradually I've come to think that its down to not really valuing the tasks which are available to us to do.

>We may intellectually see their value as contributing toward some goal.

>We may feel their value in the form of anxiety about not doing them.

But somewhere along the line in the chains and chains of subconscious thinking that make up our worldview, there is a kink, and so the task does not feel 'energetic' or 'do-able'.

I would say that there is such a thing as mundane value: value for things that are part of an 'everyday' life (financial security, health, romance etc) and these need very direct stimulus.

Maybe you can't bring yourself to go on a diet now, but if you lived just down the road from your ultimate shy awkward waifu and you were going to become the man she needed, then... voila, diet and excercise.


Cont.

>>36330769

Cont.

But there is another kind of value: Abstract value, like you would have for being the best in the world at something, or achieving artistic excellence, or self expression, or fame or becoming heroic or highly altruistic. This kind of value can feed your fantasies (and so requires little direct stimulus from your environment), but is difficult to use to fuel actions in everyday life.

The obvious solution is never to let them mix together AT ALL.

>Do you want to make a living by being Picasso?

Too bad, focus on scoring an easy librarian gig and keep art in the realm of fantasy. You'll find that if its just for fantasy's sake, you CAN do your art practice, and that the energy you need for being a librarian will come from direct stimulus feedback like buying groceries and furniture.

>Likewise with Romance:

You want to impress waifu with your awesome ballet skills?

Too bad. Get a less intimidating gf to cuddle with in the evenings, and you'll find you can do pirouettes and oubliettes practice just for the love of the dance.

>JUST NEVER MIX THE MUNDANE AND THE ABSTRACT.

Do that and things will NOT be fine right away, but the will start to improve.

This was extremely hard won knowledge. I had to fail a lot at life before I started filtering out my experiences in this manner.

>inb4 'no such thing as universally applicable advice'

Please someone heed my universal advice!

:)

>>36329164
this as fuck, my brain only gets its ass in gear when there's a crisis.

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>>36326206
Ah jeeze, OP. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way. I can relate deeply, deeply.

The image you are using is actually one I created sometime in 2015, and I am utterly surprised you have it in your possession. I posted it only once in a thread back then, quoting another anon. It perfectly summarized the way I was feeling about my obsession at the time. Sort of similar to how you are feeling at the moment.

Empty, dissatisfied, feeling like the life I am living is essentially worthless and unfulfilling compared the the breathtaking thoughts and dreams I have. That image is actually an exact representation of what I have been striving for through my dreams. A low-poly world, full of vibrant shapes and limitless places to explore in a world with no rules or obligations. It absolutely consumed me for months in 2014 to 2015. Looking back on it now, I feel as if it was the best time of my life in which I was most satisfied.

It's where I would find myself completely immersed in my low-poly imagination, where I would dream it, think it, see it on the streets. I felt... pleasure in knowing that I was wasting away in real life so I could end that existence and not have to endure knowing that I'd never be in my low-poly world.

But, it's now 2017, and a few years have passed. It was incredibly difficult getting myself out of that self-defeating cycle. I have essentially filled all my time with work in order to stop myself from thinking about my low poly world. I have two jobs, working all the time, making money. The only motivation I pull from is knowing that my work makes other people happy (indie video games).

So, I say to you: you will never shake the feeling. You will always feel like life is missing a purpose and you are going to feel limited by this physical world. The best you can do is fill your mind with something else to distract. This is what I have come to do.

I have attached another picture out of the dozens I have made like the one you posted.

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>>36331522

I think if you are capable of acting at all, let alone holding down two jobs, then you don't have the same problem as OP.

Cool pic tho

>>36326346
teaching yourself to code is not actually that hard
t. Taught self

>>36331738
Like I mentioned pal, this was a few years ago. Since then my life aligned in such a way that I managed to get hired by an indie game company and I essentially work from home now, uploading things through the internet.

I'm no different in lifestyle than I was in 2014, but I have filled that void of listlessness and inability to focus on things by becoming completely engrossed in my work to perhaps an autistic degree. I have no real life friends, I do not go outside, I have gained weight from sitting on my ass all day getting work done. I'm not trying to say this like I'm attempting to "prove" my worthlessness, but I feel my story can apply to many others here. Though, perhaps most people would face the unfortunate burden of working a dead-end retail job just to make ends meet and live their essentially shut-in lifestyle, instead of just being indoors 24/7 living the "cushy" wageslave life.

Either way, I'm glad you enjoy the picture. Hope you have an ok evening.

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God damn this thread is filled with quality content, props to OP and all the genuinely thoughtful responses. Feels like a breath of fresh air with all the brainless meme-tier posting going on recently.

Also, to this anon >>36331522, do you happen to have a link to all your quote pics? I love images like that, depicting the misery, loneliness, depression of life as an outcasted, rejected, inadequate male.

If I can find them, I'll see if I can post a few more like pic related if anyone's interested.

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>>36332019

I wasn't having a go.

But I do think there is a significant difference between what you're talking about and what some other people are posting about.

I don't think that the "void of listlessness" is a very common problem for people to have at all, not even on r9k.

What most people seem to suffer from is the emotional consequences of not having what they want or not being able to go after it. They feel frustrated and weak of will or they feel lonely or hard done by.

Its not an existential problem (which is what it seems like you were talking about) simply a practical one. Lack of motivation is a practical problem, as practical as obesity or unemployment.

In your case you never seemed to be unable to act, just unable to find value in what you see to be a meaningless and empty world. That's fine, but its different to what most other people are going through.

Its like if I was in a wheelchair and Usain Bolt came up to me and said

>"Hey man, I know how you feel, for ages I just couldn't be bothered to run around at 30km/hr, coz like, what was the point? But then I decided not to think about that anymore and I just did it. K bye."

That would not help me run, or walk for that matter, because he and I would have had very different problems.

You seem cool though, so, again, no offence.

>Btw don't let yourself get fat at work man, what's the point of having the money from TWO jobs if you can't fit in to an awesome suit!

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And this is my second favorite /r9k/ images, with the one I posted earlier (the painting) being my first favorite. This cartoon, though poorly drawn, illustrates beautifully how utterly soul-crushing life for us is.

Here's how I'd describe it to normies (or anyone who dates regularly and doesn't spend 5+ years at a time completely rejected) - imagine if not eating didn't kill you, but you still felt the immense hunger just the same. Looking at women is like a starving man peering into a restaurant. You see all this delicious food, and patrons gleefully eating as much as they want, yet you're cursed to starve and suffer, without even petty scraps to sustain yourself with.

That's why normies will never, ever understand why Elliot snapped and went postal. Imagine feeling the horrible pain of an empty, growling, painful stomach every single day. That's what we feel. And a few of us get to a point where we snap. It destroys our psych.

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>>36332717
I understand what you are saying, and yes, I agree with you now that you explain it light that. I hope I don't come off like I'm being condescending like your example. I just hope that OP at least feels somewhat comforted that there are people here that can relate and sympathize with him.

>>36332709
I don't really have any place I've uploaded them to except for my personal site that I catalogue stuff on, but I don't really want to share that. I'll just attach another picture to this post. Please post more like your picture, I really enjoy it, though I can't relate to the whole "wanting a gf" feel.

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And here's my third and final image. I believe that life (at least for me, and likely most of us here) is 99% suffering and 1% happiness at most (though 1% is actually being quite generous.) The only form of escapism that's ever made me elated enough to temporarily repress my unfathomable anguish is video games.

I've been obsessed with video games for the last decade, with every single day reading forums daily and pirating hundreds of games in total. I've always enamored myself in vidya, but sadly it's not enough to stave the grievous emptiness.

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I had a kind of crisis not long ago for doing some essay last minute. Some guy told me this and it helped me out a lot.

>>36330848
Thanks man, seems like a reasonable and valid point, i'm too in the same spot as everyone here

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>>36332872

Lol, that's nice of you to say, but I feel like we're "agreeing to disagree" here, which is fine, but...

Without wanting to push the point, I must say that >>36332817 seems to be coming from a similar place to OP, with practical rather than existential problems weighing him down.

I dunno, I guess I just have an innate suspicion of non-terrestrial motives. I don't behave in a primitive way myself (I'm not a jerk), but I don't really trust the idea that people can be motivated in their actions by either 'pure goodwill' or 'pure artistic fervour' or even 'pure emptiness'.

And even if they were, wouldn't you just never hear about it? If someone truly saw the world as meaningless, why would they ever reach out to someone in commiseration about that fact?

Doesn't the mere possibility of mutual solidarity in the face of existential despair imply a kind of meaning and therefore invalidate the despair?

Again, im not attacking you, anon, but I must say that r9k of all places would be the honest forum where you could hear the weirdos of the world come together and talk about all the most arcane an abstract corners of the human psyche. Real twilight zone stuff.

But the reality here is just that everyone wants a girlfriend.

That's what I want. And whenever I do anything I can always tell that its for some basic Primitive reason. Either I'm hungry or horny or lonely or wrathful. Its always something basic.

Can you really honestly tell me that what made you unhappy all those years ago wasn't something BASIC? If you could have everything that the average robot on here wants would you still have looked upon the world as 'meaningless'?

Not in my opinion. Not if you are a human being.

Some people say they don't believe in the idea of a God. To be honest, I don't even believe in the idea of a Priest.

Maybe you can tell me about l'appel du vide though, and convince me of the existence of Pure Despair.

t.Unbeliever

>>36326206
Can you give me the source on these? Google isn't doing shit.

>>36333112

Cheers bro. Its just our dumb brains mixing shit up imho.

Normies don't know how good they have it with their normie-vision.

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>>36333200
>I must say that >>36332817 (You) seems to be coming from a similar place to OP
You are wholeheartedly correct my brethren. Everything OP wrote felt like my own subconscious put into text.

>with practical rather than existential problems weighing him down
Bingo. Low dopamine causes severe depression and a complete lack of motivation. An overactive limbic system causes social anxiety and intensified loneliness. Granted, I'm only estimating that I have these issues, since I can't really test for certainty (the only professional diagnosis I have right now is "paranoid schizoid disorder", which is spot-on.)

Anyway, you're probably wondering where I'm going with this. It's in response to the advice normies give. Prime example is "just try to think positive," which is more or less impossible due to low neurotransmitters. "Be confident, fake it til you make it" is also basically impossible due to overactive limbic system. And it goes on and on.

The sad truth is that philosophical advice cannot fix biological problems, despite how much we want to believe that we'll finally get that lifechanging advice to inject motivation in our life.

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Everyone here is complaining about not having a gf, rejection and stuff, i don't know if this helps but my advice is; deal with one problem at a time, that's my conclusion at this moment in this dealing with this depression-hopelesness thing (really relate to OP)

I used to feel shitty about not having a gf, but after seeing the horrors of a unhealthy relationship now i think i'm in paradise compared to my friends who are in one; they tolerate terrible things just to avoid solitude even if that damages them greatly

Feel blessed that you don't have a responsability with another person and you can focus on fixing yourself, to me it has been a great first step seeing things in that perspective

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>>36333200
When you put it that way nearly everything can be seen as a simple problem, that is-- boiling everything we do down to the raw, primal urges we have such as lust, hunger, or loneliness. And no, there is likely no such thing as "pure goodwill" because the person giving goodwill would likely enjoy something like the praise they would receive or benefits from helping others. They may feel like they are pure and good, but there is a selfish aspect to it, that's unavoidable. I think it's better to look at it as a comparison to what the average person would do compared to this pure person. Surely there is a difference in the "pure" goodwill between someone who donates to charity once a month compared to a man who has devoted his life to volunteering in Africa to pull jiggers from African people's feet?

However, yes, I do absolutely see your dilemma where someone who has truly accepted their solidarity should, by definition, never seek out approval by others of his lifestyle. It's something I often see contradictory on this board.

As for the existence of Pure Despair, I have a feeling that the people who discover the answer to your question very shortly end up taking their own lives.

Though, I can, for absolute certain, say I do not want a girlfriend. There's an issue with my lack of attraction to the same sex. Semantics, I know. Though companionship as a whole just seems like a complicated mess and huge amount of effort that I can't see myself doing.

Though, the >tfw no gf feelings that are shared on this board are a product of desiring the unknown and the deep instinctual need for a partner that we all face.

>>36326206
What's this image from? blaherlkhaet

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>>36333200
Also, to add on to my post here >>36333427, I noticed the point you made earlier about that anon not being a robot due to holding down two well paying jobs.

As much as I try to abstain from passing judgement on others, I have to agree with your sentiment. For someone to hold down two jobs, their neurotransmitters are at the very least normie-tier. Not to even mention their motivation, personality, social skills, well-being, etc must all be at least adequate as a prerequisite to secure a decent job.

I don't want to claim "everyone with a job is automatically a cyborg" but a robot that's been NEET for five years straight is in a vastly different level of suffering than a robot who has a secure, steady well-paying job.

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>>36333617
Yes, absolutely. I do agree that I am in a much better place than I was a few years ago. But, I don't think that discredits that only two years ago I was in the same position as OP is describing. Jobless, Worthless, Bed-bound, it was my life then. I have changed for the better now, but I feel like my emotions at that time were genuine, wouldn't you think?

Like I mentioned before, though, I don't want this to turn into an "I'm more pathetic than you" back-and-forth like I often see on r9k nowadays, I feel like that is a very toxic view to have. Granted, this is a place where self-depreciation is the norm, and I do feel it is needed and enjoyable, but I don't think putting each other down is especially brotherly or comfy.

Though, I do understand that the fact I could pull myself out of it on my own perseverance and financial necessity would put myself in a different box than a hikki neet who has been basement-bound for five years. Of course, there is no shame in being a neet and I would never see it that way-- it's just a matter of whether we are happy and fulfilled. I think that's the best way to measure "robot-dom".

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>>36333617

You seem to know a fair bit about neurochemistry anon. I'm guessing then, that if you've been NEET for 5 years then neuroscience at its current level does not have any magic answers for how to un-fuck oneself.

That is a shame. Although I have often thought I might be missing out on some simple answer from NLP or Neuroscience or even modern psychology. Something obvious that I could use to climb out of the robot hole.

No dice with psychology and psychotherapy. Modern Psychology is basically just a body of statistically common behavioral descriptions and psychotherapy is just advanced normie-talk. Its all about lowering your goals and having the humility to face your place in the world. People who 'benefit' from therapy are, in my opinion a bunch of brainwashed cucks. They come out with a bunch of mantras and slogans and a horde of false wisdom, and no more competent than they started out.

I lost track of the point a bit there, but kudos for going down the neurosci road, even if it didn't turn you into Ozymandius.

Worth a try.

>>36333853
Anon I just want to say I absolutely love your images. I really like where your mind's at and I'm glad you're past it.

OP, I'm the same. I've had bouts of productivity before. I remember years ago I read some phd students guide of how he did well, and he wrote a calendar planning out literally every hour of his waking day. So I did that, categorised EVERYTHING, and it made me realise that my sense of time was really warped, and things took a lot less/more time than I pictured in my head. Add to that that I couldn't just allot 4 hours to 4chan or something.
After about a week I got that sorted out, and I found that the more productive I was, the more...threads? In my life I started. You know, like you apply for a job, so then you'd have to call them at some point, or prepare for an interview etc. Or get in touch with an old friend, so you arrange a time to meet. And just like that, people would ask when I was next available for some 1 hour thing, and I'd tell them I'm not available until halfway through next week.
I won't lie, it felt really good to get things done. To be like "I'll read this book for next week", and you do it. I was more popular, smarter, competent, fitter and more desired. I didn't really daydream anymore because I was always in company, and when I wasn't I was thinking about all the things I had to keep up (though not in the high pressure way).
Although I did all this to get my life in order to get my first ex back. When I went on his facebook page to ask him out for valentines, I saw he'd been in a serious relationship for about 6 months. One by one I dropped all the threads.

Although I have no issue working a 12 hour shift being told what to do, the more abstract rewards, like right now i'm doing my masters degree, are just not motivating me enough.

I've actually in the past forced crushes and tried to manoeuvre it in a way that's to my benefit, motivationally, but it's not often that effective.

>>36333853
those images are beautiful man, do you have any more?

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>>36333573

>Everything can be seen as simple urges

Wait a sec. Its easy to see where a philosophy is headed and then reduce it to only its big picture overview. But that's strawmanning of a sort.

Yes i like to reduce my impulses to practically motivated behaviours, but i never said that that was easy. If it was easy then hummanity would have built AI's by now.

It SEEMS easy, and that's why people dismiss it and follow more mystical worldviews, because they want something MORE. But those same people can't even handle what's already in front of them.


>Compare orthodox and superogative moral behaviours

I don't like your example set, but I like the general distinction your trying to make.

In my view, regarding your example specifically, since morality should arise from positive impulses towards other people, it should manifest most strongly in favour of the people with whom you are in the most direct contact.

That is, a SINCERELY moral person will be overwhelmed with the concerns and minute sufferings of even their own family members and close friends, why would they even give a fuck what happens in Africa to people who are concievably the least similar to themselves out of all people on earth, having no commonality of experience, culture or language. If you were moral by INSTINCT instead of by PRINCIPAL it would be your own direct environment that called to you most strongly, like the distance between a gunshot on TV and a gunshot in the next room.

Save The World types are normie wankers. General Utilitarians are, ironically, the most obviously heartless people you can meet.


>Pure Despair = suicide
I think that's quite possible. But it only raise the question of how you fixed yourself. Or at least how you went from being incapable of work to capable of two jobs.

You may still be a robot/fembot, but you are Wonder Woman compared to most people on here, especially in this thread, which has become about Akrasia.

So any enlightenment there would be nice.

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>>36334157
>>36333577
>>36333262
I have been posting my pictures on my posts, I don't mean to derail the thread at all. I feel OP's topic is a good thing to discuss.

I have some animations too, but because they don't have quotes they may not be as relatable.

>>36334125
I don't want to seem like a jerk by saying this, but you very clearly put a lot of emotional importance in this man. I understand it's not easy to simply just "forget about him and bee yourself" but I might suggest taking a week to think carefully about what you see in him that you are working so hard for. What is it that he will give you, or that he will satisfy in you? Perhaps if you can find the absolute root of what you desire you may be able to see it in different places.

>>36334125

Hey there's a lot in this post that I really like.


I like the idea that more productivity = more threads. That seems very true, even though Im lazy and dont have much going on, i can tell.


I like the fact that you did it all for a guy. Solid effort. Its nice to see that chicks do stalkerish crazy cocoon self improvement stuff like guys do, and not just normie dieting and youtube makeup tutorials.

I like that you just said 'fuck it' when you couldn't get what you wanted. Its not a good lesson, but its relatable.

I LOVE the whole using crushes as a motivator thing, I think the only time I ever want to be a better person is if ive been getting the eyes from some qt wallflower at uni and I suddenly want to be a real boy.

But then the ability to work 12 hour shifts and do a masters degree.... That's not exactly on-brand r9k-approved robot banter.

Most of us on here are dead-enders and dysfunctionals. You're clearly gonna make it and to be honest, that stings to read about when you've got no hope of your own.

Consider breaking off with the '2 Jobs' guy and starting a cyborg webtopia.

Still, though, great post.

>>36334327
Oh, he's long since gone. It's been about 5 years since then, and when it happened I started again, deleting everyone off facebook save for classmates. What I DID see in him was a continuation of my old life and all my friends, since our social circles were intertwined and he was a charmer.

I guess it was less of what I desired, and I acted more out of a fear of change. Felt pretty pathetic afterwards for basing my whole life around this (what I can now see) painfully average man. What I strived for afterwards was rising above what people expected of me in life. And I did, I went abroad to study some advanced degree, but now I doing same as OP. I daydream doing well in class, when in reality I scrape by, or fail the first time.
There's now a month to go and objectively I'm really tight schedule wise to do a good job, and I've managed to ask for extensions to put off the inevitable, so everything's going to come to a head by mid May. Everything I should've done throughout the academic year is now due in a month and I haven't started. What whoever said

>philosophical advice cannot fix biological problems

is really fucking with me, because I have no idea how to fix this. I don't have much emotional intelligence, but I do try and i jsut come to a dead end every time.

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>>36334215
You raise some good points in your posts, I'll have to think more about what you're saying sometime. I don't want to claim that I know a great deal about these topics, I am just mentioning my personal take on these issues. I do, to a certain degree, agree with all the points your raise in varying amounts.

Yes, I do realise I am not typical-- but everyone has their own unique situations. My story essentially boils down to the fact I needed to earn money to continue living under a roof. At that point, I was faced with either pulling myself together or wandering the streets. You change when you are in that situation, at least I did. You almost begin to feel like you are in a fight for survival, and it makes it all the more terrifying to shut ins like us who have never really left our bubble that is our room. To imagine that being taken away from you is a mind consuming thought.

I honestly hope that never happens to any person here, robot or otherwise.

>>36334549

I like the vibe you've managed to give your low poly project, what engine is it running on?

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>>36334549

Fair enough. You work hard because you've got PTSD from losing your NEET network and having your back against the wall.

That makes sense.

But as long as im doling out anonymous unsolicited advice to people whose accomplishments outweigh my own, let me say this:

Don't lose sight of the aristocratic dignity of NEETdom. Throughout all of human history the only people that got to do nothing were the very very top of the pyramid.

These days the rich work harder than the poor, and the people who really get to do nothing are us.

We are the puffy, flushed, flabby, mouth-breathing barometers of our entire society, suckling ourselves full and heaping scorn on the entire sordid outfit.

We are the Nero's and the Marie Antoinette's.

We are the Lotus Eaters.

So maybe you were one of us before, and now you work all the time because you remember the fear of poverty. But if there is a way to have a foot in both worlds, if there is a way for you to take back some of the priveleges of boundless free time instead of using it all for work - then I would suggest attempting to strike that balance.

I hate being a robot only because Im trapped here. And when I eventually leave this part of my life im almost sure im going to want to come back.

>>36334952
You sound delusional senpai.

>>36334378
That's probably the nicest reply I've ever received. Thanks, man.

This thread inspired me to take an ice cold shower. I feel much better now.

It's nice to see a positive thread one in a while

OP here again, I'm very surprised that the thread is still alive with such discussion having occurred. When I feel strongly enough to end up posting a thread, my ramblings tend to 404 having received no replies. It feels like I've effectively been trying to reword and reexplain the same thing to myself for years.

>>36331522
For the longest time I've wondered where I'd gotten that image and a few other of your images from--with you talking about your idea and seeing other images you've posted in this thread, I distinctly remember seeing threads on your idea some time ago. Small world. Well, small board.

>>36333510
While I have for a while given up on realistically ever finding a romantic partner since it's very easy to imagine going the rest of my life without any necessary catalyst for that, what makes me feel immense despair is to still imagine idealized concepts of relationships and an ideal romantic partner and so on, knowing that I could not reasonably expect to meet someone who I could match with so well, maybe ever. My standards and constraints in this way are high, but they are necessitated by that it would take a very unusual person to be able to relate to my values and my lifestyle sufficiently to be able to find enough value in me to love me, let alone like me or stomach me, and for me to be happy with them.

>>36336682
>>36337047
I have completely and utterly failed in my intents of communication if this thread is uplifting, though it's true that a lot of productive ideas and conversation have been made in this thread, a good repurposing of my whining.

>>36326476
>>36331768
ano resources you are willing to share?

>>36326206
Fucking hell OP, I cannot relate any more than this. I have been struggling with what you describe ever since I became a NEET--because I graduated school, I didn't have a distinct goal to endeavor towards, leaving me with less tangible objectives. This resulted in a severe decline in my ability to accomplish anything.

Before, I didn't get much done, but at least I was constantly progressing towards something; I was moving through life. School also provided some kind of deadline for working on personal goals, as I'd have to wake up early the next day, so I feared wasting time. This slightly loosened the grip of laziness on me.

Speaking of fear, I think my whole life is motivated by it. Maybe the reason I'm unable to progress towards any of my targets is that they are things I want, rather than dread. Everything I do is a result of dismay for a certain feeling or outcome.


I'm too much of a daydreamer as well. For example, as do you, I have overly high standards for a partner because I fantasize about having some kind of mystical connection between us. I do not believe a single person in the real world can match me so well as to induce the same feelings I experience when imagining such a companion. I may relate to you a lot, but I know that in reality, we are still different people, and even if we got along, this would not result in a special bond between us.

Incidentally, I also keep lists of things I want to do. I have roughly 3, as I keep starting new ones, but I seldom end up doing anything listed in them.

Be that as it may, I'm glad I procrastinated on my Japanese studies and found this thread today. It was a rather interesting read, and I'm pleased to find there are other people like me here.

>>36337734
> I have overly high standards for a partner because I fantasize about having some kind of mystical connection between us
Absolutely the same for me. I daydream about social situations I've been in, like parties, and insert my fantasies there, that someone who was a childhood friend and we're thick as thieves comes in and everyone can see this unspoken connection between us, and we fucking make out or whatever.
But this person doesn't exist, I don't keep in touch with anyone from my childhood, and even if I did, I've never been that close to anyone.

>>36337734
>For example, as do you, I have overly high standards for a partner because I fantasize about having some kind of mystical connection between us

I've certainly daydreamed about fateful or storylike romantic scenarios and relationships, but of course I can separate those into fiction, and so it doesn't hurt so much to think I would never experience something like what you see in stories. An ideal that's more difficult to toss into the realm of fiction is a more practical one regarding simply not being able to find a person I could relate to closely, sharing similar outlooks while still retaining our own differences, and closely share my passions and pursuits with. And, truly, this is even more ridiculous and impossible to expect than the attributes of any primary characters in a romance story, because every time I experience some form of romantic media to numb myself with (a daily routine), even while this makes me feel cozy and relaxed to imagine being in such a scenario, always at the back of my mind is, "Even if, impossibly, this particular girl (or any girl really) would be to become my girlfriend or even if I simply got to know her platonically, I could not relate to her. She would get tired of me, I would get tired of her. There would be too much distance between us.

>>36333853
I like these images anon, please post more.

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>>36340493
(Somehow cont.)
Incredibly, even the ideals of all stories are not enough; certainly I still see value in these heroines and women and I can still long to be with them, but I know that it would just not work with me, and so I can only observe. To even imagine a girl with me is painful and difficult and I cannot suspend disbelief. I know that I want too much and I am a dull, unrelatable person, and to others I just appear lifeless, strange and obtuse because (among other reasons) I simply do not care about the same things in the same ways to the same extents. This is the stem of my loneliness in my relationships with people generally, friendships and acquaintances and so on.
In short, it goes both ways: I am unwanted, and I want what I can not have.

I hope others can relate to this.

>>36339131
>I daydream about [...] someone who was a childhood friend [...] and everyone can see this unspoken connection between us
I understand this as well. I wish I could have such a relationship with someone, but I don't feel I'll have the chances to so naturally form a relationship with someone, friend or lover, though I always daydream of it.

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>>36340644
On daydreaming of companionship:

It's silly to think of, but it really is crushing to lay in bed agonizing over loneliness and realizing that, truly, no one is coming to save me from myself. I could just rot alone like this. I'm not the protagonist of a great story like as a child I always grew up thinking my life would be like; I don't have to meet like-minded people and have a group of close friends to share my life with, I don't have to find a lover perfect for me, I don't have to complete great things and see through all of my ambitions. I could live my life and die having been nothing and done nothing.

This is why I keep notes, though. I hope it serves as a record, to myself alone, for what I wanted to be, at least, even though we all have our own hopes and values and there's nothing special about mine in particular; what's special is those thoughts that have actually been made reality and taken to their completion. I don't suppose there's much use in noticing one nameless person's hope for a book they never finished writing, songs they never completed, skills they never honed sharp enough and made good use of, goals they never reached.

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>>36334826
It's actually just done in Google Sketchup. Also bump.

>>36337577
not them but actually a junior web dev, go here >>>/g/wdg

>>36326206
I'm there too. Went to college but failed out immediately because I cannot exert effort. Tried again but failed out again. I'm just floating through life waiting for bad things to happen to force something to change. My parents went away for a week and I barely even ate anything because getting food was too much of a hassle. I can't see anything for myself except suicide