Psychological Issues #34

I've been seeing reptillian aliens around me recently

>>36315861

Have you seen a psychiatrist?

>>36315889
No I have not seen a psychiatrist rcently

>>36315834
What qualifications do you have nick?

>>36315929

Since when are you seeing repitilian aliens and do you go on /x/ and are you into conspiracy theories?

>>36315953
I do go on /x/ and tune into the alex jones show everyday

>>36315834
how does one go about actually meeting new people?

>>36315941

If mean you mean degrees in psychology or psychiatry, none.

>>36315972

I used to listen to Coast to Coast AM, I stopped when I realised very little of it was any serious at all.

You forgot one question: since when are you seeing reptilians?

How do you make friends? I can't even do it online anymore, there was a period where I'd have multiple groups of people I'd chat with all day long and I'd have a strong group of friends IRL but now I just can't make friends anywhere and it seems to be that I don't know where to start. I'm friends with people in my college course and work but they aren't people I'd chat to outside of either places, I feel lonely.

>>36315981

Plenty of options:

- join a club of any activity you like
- take some classes in something you like
- go to a bar
- look online for meetups

There's a website called something like "meetups", just for that.

>>36316024

Get a name and stick around, you'll make some friends here.

Sometimes people can sense your loneliness and it scares them, so having some online friends will help making you feel more secure, which will in turn help making offline friends.

I too wish I had grown up being taught how to make friends by generally being raised normally.

>>36316004
It started a week ago.

>>36316068

Does anything trigger the vision?

What do you see exactly?

What do you hear?

Are there other symptoms?

>>36316066
Accidentally put my name into options, whoops.
I'm actually not too bad at making friends once I find someone to connect with and I can generally get on well with just about anyone but it's hard to meet people I actually want to spend time with or develop it beyond an acquaintance.

>>36316026
I guess this is situational shit since I do archery, but since there aren't any clubs, I just do it in my yard.
Classes I can't take since there aren't any offers around here for self improvement.
I was just yesterday with friends, but the thing is, the majority of the people going there, don't speak the same language as me (long story short I live in a country where my native tongue is not the national tongue, because the borders were shifted around WW2)
well meetups would be nice if there was an audience over here too

>>36316111

Are you in the Ukraine or something?

How good are you at archery?

(In other news, my mother wrote to me... About to read.)

>>36315834


Hello, is it possible for someone to have Schizoid personality disorder as well as BPD?

>>36316240
Something like that, Eastern Eu too.
Well I know the basics, but sometimes I still injure myself doing it, and don't really hit the target that often. I should practice a whole lot more, but I only do it whenever I feel like doing so.

Hey Nick x I'm still schizoid apparently.

>>36316260

I'd imagine so, yes. All you need for BPD is some shitty childhood.

>>36316279

Poland? If you were to train better and get a license, you could open your own archery club.

>>36316301

I don't think it goes away in a day.

>>36316330
No not Poland, I'm Serbianfag if you are this curious to know. But like I said I'm no Serb, I barely understand their language.

>>36316330
Hm, interesting. regrettably i would like very much to stay and talk, but i must tend to a previous engagement. Have a pleasant evening all.

>>36316424

Have un, Nobo.

>>36316404

What do you like about archery? I did some archery with my father, last year, before I decided never to see my parents again. Archery was enjoyable. There's a shooting range not far from where I am, actually.

>>36316463

fun*

I hate that fucking laptop.

>>36316463
I just picked it up because it always looked cool. Must be the Hungarian heritage or something, I only picked it up last year when I started working at a call center. (I was fired since, because I wasn't convincing enough)

Hey man, you feeling better today? I remember you saying you felt ill yesterday but I left before I knew what happened

>>36316528
>(I was fired since, because I wasn't convincing enough)

Go door to door, with your bow and arrows, you'll be more convincing!

>>36316557

Stable now, but last night was hell. Massive anxiety, borderline panic (punny pun pun) and I couldn't sleep until dawn.

I'm going crazy living alone like this. I miss my loved one too much, and the guilt is killing me.

I worked out today, which generally helps, but it doesn't help too much.

My mother wrote to me, so there's an event.

I'm just glad I can finally do the thread and perhaps get some peace here.

How about you?

>>36316564
Yeah, that'd be a picture worth sharing.
It's just, I know I need to move to Hungary but I can't get myself to.

I used to be depressed but now I'm just numb. No emotions or feelings, No pain, no joy.

Why?

>>36316606
Not too bad. I've had nothing to do this weekend, and I pretty much was just saint for this thread today for something to do, since ive been alone the whole time. I'm just nervously waiting until Tuesday when I'll talk to my coworkers and have my first counselling session.

Although I was talking to a friend earlier about what's been going on recently, and he brought some interesting questions about PTSD I'd like to discuss with you.

Also, I'm very sorry for prying, you don't have to answer, but what happened between you and your parents that made you never want to talk to them again?

>>36316712
Kinda strange to be honest to see a Hungarian moving to Serbia. I mean the pay and general life level must be better in Hungaria, right? Most people from eastern europe move to the west if they want to improve their situation.

Also hey everyone, I feel asleep yesterday at about 2AM.

>>36316330
It'd be great if it was like a 48 hour stomach bug.

"Sorry boss, I can't come into work today, I've got a touch of schizoid personality disorder. I should be better by tomorrow"

Hey how's your Easter going?

My mom was in bed earlier this morning so I decided to get in with her and talk and snuggle for a bit, talk sort of led into how I was doing with everything and I asked about the divorce. It was calm, we both still had the pillow talk tone and I was hugging her

>>36316712
>I need to move to Hungary but I can't get myself to.

Why not?

>>36316731

Then you're still depressed. You're numb, but it's potentially worse than whatever you were before.

Did anything happen to you before the depresion?

>>36316765
I didn't move to Serbia the Serbian borders moved into Hungary, well before I was even born.

>>36316798
To get a job in Hungary you need a document called a 'home address card' and you need to find a place you can stay at, and one where the landlord will let you set that address as your home. But without money I won't be able to pay the rent, but without the address I can't get a job.

>>36316739
>until Tuesday when I'll talk to my coworkers and have my first counselling session.

I see my therapist on Tuesday too.

>Although I was talking to a friend earlier about what's been going on recently, and he brought some interesting questions about PTSD I'd like to discuss with you.

I'm game.

>Also, I'm very sorry for prying

I'm probably different in this regard, but I just love when people give a shit and ask me questions. I'm liable to answer absolutely anything anyone asks.

For my parents, after studying various mental disorders to understand Buffalo Bill, I got to understand my loved one, myself, and found out my father didn't have Asperger's, but was a filthy narc. Later, I found out my mother was also a narc, and plenty of memories were re-interpreted. Once I was sure, I went to see them, as a form of test, observation.

And what I saw terrified me. It was everything the books and articles said. I even tested them, to see, and yes. It was all there. It was like seeing my parents for the first time. My heart was beating fast, I couldn't believe it.

After that, I contacted one of my brothers; we spent ten hours on the phone, sharing the past. I was scared he wouldn't believe me, I found out he did and had memories I had never known. Then I called my other brother, another ten hours on the phone.

Then I was sure. A period of 1 to 2 months spent in paranoid rage as I remembered everything from a new angle.

I wrote a list of 109 anecdotes from the past, to be sure I'd never forget.

Everything from physical abuse, to mental abuse, to sexual exhibitionism, to sexual humiliation, to financial theft, etc. The list is endless.

In her latest message, my mother says nothing special happened in our family. I have a half a mind of printing my list and shoving it up her filthy ass.

>>36316786

Some disorders do function like that.

>unavailable due to slight hallucinations
>back in 4 hours

>>36316809
Many people died (metaphorically)
My life went downhill with no way to get back up to the previous level
The high point of my oife passed

This was two years ago.

>>36316793

Not doing anything special for Easter this year.

I don't know what to think of how casual you guys go into each other's beds, honestly.

My family is fucked up but we didn't do that, so I have no idea how normal it is or not.

>>36316842

"I didn't come to Serbia, Serbia came to me."

Pretty badass thing you can say.

>>36317006

Are you me?

(Muted because not original, etc.)

>>36316937
I'm very sorry about what happened between you and them, at least you have your siblings support

Sorry for my ignorance, but what's a "narc"? Is that to do with narcissism?

And about the PTSD, my friend asked me about any triggers I have, and I couldn't really give an answer. Does PTSD need triggers to be PTSD? They even asked about certain things that sound like they should be triggers for me, but aren't really. Am I being too apathetic about what happened to me? You said i was downplaying, but am I experiencing PTSD at all? Not to say you're wrong that is.

>>36317043
Almost like the in Soviet Russia... saying.

So many f*king mountains, it is so tiring to click on them all.

>>36317087
>Sorry for my ignorance, but what's a "narc"? Is that to do with narcissism?

Yes, a narcissist. Narc for short.

>Does PTSD need triggers to be PTSD?

Your triggers are: startlings. You startle a lot and extremely intensely. Loud noises, surprises, etc. That's how PTSD works, but it can vary.

>Am I being too apathetic about what happened to me? You said i was downplaying, but am I experiencing PTSD at all?

Yes. Look: your PTSD is so intense that you might get fired from your job because of it. How much more intense can you get? This is usually how psychiatrists like to say it's a disorder: if it prevents you from functioning in society (which doesn't apply to a number of things).

Yes, you have a serious case of PTSD due to a very serious trauma.

>>36317202
Ok thanks, my friend was making me start to doubt it since he was asking why things like people holding knives and giving oral didn't set me off, but I suppose there are other things, like you said, such as sudden movements, and walking at night, and since that night I've never touched alcohol either

Kill yourself nick. End it all. No one will miss you

Exit bag

>>36317076
No.

~~#}|

muted cuz comment was too low in content

>>36317416
I find your dedication interesting. I really do.

>>36317383

Just think about all the things that make you cry, jump, feel bad, etc.

>loud noises
>getting startled
>having to walk home alone
>fear of leaving your phone unattended
>trust issues in general

There's plenty but it's so normal to you that you may not see them.

Remember what you came to this thread for? We were far from PTSD due to traumatic assault at the time, but now we're here.

I mentioned you to my loved one, with whom I almost never speak anymore (it upsets her emotionally), because she always wanted a gay friend. So I told her I had one, sorta. But even that didn't start a conversation.

Her words can now send me into a different state of mind, it's absolutely bizarre and BPD as fuck.

>>36317422

Tell me about the details of what happened. Let it out.

>>36317008
It's pretty normal, plus I'm a cuddle bug admittedly, we're physically affectionate

>>36317463
Haha ya. I really hate that nick faggot

>>36317547

I'd like to hear other people's input.

I'd never climb into bed with my parents past 12, and even at 12, that'd feel bad.

I'm a bit amazed you have no ill feelings towards doing that.

I remember you also hang out in your underwear with your mom, which suggests some special boundaries in your family.

What else is unusually "close"?

>>36317515
Wow you're right, I didn't even realise how much progress we've made in just a few threads.

I appreciate you mentioning me to your loved one, the thought of you caring enough to remember me enough to do that is nice.

Sorry again for my ignorance, but what exactly is BPD? I know what it stands for, but I don't really understand the effects, or what it is

>>36317616
Maybe it's just a cultural thing, cuddling with your mother or females being in their underwear while alone isn't weird at all where I live.

>>36317606
Yeah, but why?

I mean, this is 4chan. A website that is known for some quite malicious shit, driving people to suicide, destroying their reputation, CP, you name it. Of course not recently, but you get my point.

And you're concerned that someone is trying to give psychological advice to people? Don't get me wrong, if you just hate Nick, okay, but at least be honest. Don't go around spouting dumb non-reasons.

>>36317529
I'll tell you the outline, but not the details. I only posted here because I was curious.

I had a couple of great friends and two girls who were also close feidns. I respected them all, and then circumstances changed, and they changed with them, and refused to revert to their previous ways. Hence the people dying part. They just aren't the same people anymore, so I have no one to talk to. Also a semi-famous guy I respected a lot and had talked to IRL on multiple occasions died and I attended his funeral and it left me in shambles for a couple of days.

My life went downhill some time after that (unrelated to my friends) I realized it isn't going to ever be the same again, or better.

>>36317643
>Wow you're right, I didn't even realise how much progress we've made in just a few threads.

Not to blow my own cock but I tend to think things don't go so fast in actual therapy, so we're doing something right here.

>I appreciate you mentioning me to your loved one, the thought of you caring enough to remember me enough to do that is nice.

You'll be pleased to know I've considered adding you to my whatsapp so you could text me in case of emergencies. It may yet happen still.

>Sorry again for my ignorance, but what exactly is BPD? I know what it stands for, but I don't really understand the effects, or what it is

It's a complicate thing with a lot of variety. It's essentially a problem with emotions, which are way, way more intense in a BPD person.

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/personality-disorders/borderline-personality-disorder.htm

>>36317606
It's not even just that nick guy who thinks he's a fucking therapist that annoys me. Reading through the last through threads makes me sick. There's that stupid facet cunt who pretends he has multiple personalities that he can switch on and off at will, that depressed artist faggot, retards like that guy pretending to be an assassin or whatever, then left when an actual Latino entered the thread, that spastic fag that got mouthraped, at least three people who got touched by their parents, and thats just from the last few threads. If I read further back I'd probably end up killing myself.

>>36317720

That is sad.

But give life a chance, things can change a lot, you know that already, and it can change both ways.

I wonder if I know the semi-famous guy.

>>36317616
I think it's very much influenced by culture.

For example it's common for women even well into their teens to cuddle with their parents. For men? Not so much.

I come from central europe (albeit post-soviet) and I would say that the boundaries here are definitely more relaxed when it comes to child/parent relationship (compared to germany for example). But it's very well distinguished based on sex of the child.

Or am I talking out of my ass?

I have Messiah Complex, what do?

>>36317782
My life's not going to get better. I's going to change for the worse no matter what I do.

And no, you probably don't know the famous guy. He was on the internet, but you don't know him.

>>36317766
So let me get this straight, you come into a thread that is named

> Psychological Issues

And you're surprised to see people who are psychologically damaged?

>>36317766
>cunt who pretends he has multiple personalities that he can switch on and off at will,

He doesn't pretend that, and he can't switch at will. Either you're wilfully distorting what you read or your mind alters the information to suit your agenda (in which case, become aware of it, because this could potentially cause you tremendous problems).

>that depressed artist faggot

He suffers from hallucinations and other things.

>retards like that guy pretending to be an assassin

You sure are paying attention and can't deny that even if he's a troll, it's a fun read.

> If I read further back I'd probably end up killing myself.

I'd give you your own advice, but I'm not a cunt like you.

Stick around and keep talking about what you hate. Whenever I feel like I may be helpful to you, I'll comment.

>>36317731
>WhatsApp for emergencies

I'd love that, my boyfriends not always available, so if I had someone to text in case something happens again, that would be wonderful. Not trying to push you though, it's your choice.

I'll make sure to read those links, it seems unfair that you've made such an effort to understand me when I've made little to understand you.

>>36317811

Give me an example.

Something you actually do or say.

>>36317822

Were those friends that important to you? Do you have other friends?

>>36317841

Good point.

I really enjoy your participation in this thread, Dan. You're very good.

Such a change from last year. Keep going!

>>36317874
I basically have to kill myself to save the world.

>>36317857

Only a few symptoms really correspond to me, but they're intense.

>>36317766
I suppose I'm the spastic fag you mentioned. If my posts are annoying to you, I'll stop them

>>36317924

Elaborate, if you can. Tell me more.

>>36317940

Nope, you don't stop anything because some bitter anon with problems of his own shits on you, OK?

I forbid you to stop anything. This guy has a bitterness in his heart and he projects it on everyone, that's why he hates everyone, but the person he really hates is himself; he may or may not be fully aware of that fact, but he doesn't fool me, and I feel bad for him; at the same time, don't give him control, his problems aren't yours.

Stay focused. If this anon bothers you, merely ignore his posts.

Everyone else is supportive of you, and so I am.

Don't let it get to you.

Trolling anon, I'd appreciate if you kept your hatred focused on me, if you must, and nobody else here.

Don't be a cunt.

>>36317997
I think I remember you briefly talking about it, so sorry for not paying attention, but have you ever thought about going into therapy as a profession? Without even hearing your voice you make me feel better, and you seem know a lot about the subject and what to say

>>36317891
Yes, until they changed.

And no.

I am not going to reply now because zi don't want to think about it. I'm closing this tab.

Thanks for your interest, Nick.

>>36318056
>have you ever thought about going into therapy as a profession?

Yes, for over a year now. Even as a teenager, I considered it, but I thought I wasn't able to do this, back then. I hesitated between psychology and literature. I chose literature.

I'm still considering studying in the evening and getting a degree in psychology. So it may still happen. I'll finally have something to say to people who ask about my qualifications.

>>36317997
It's basically psychotic delusions telling me that I am important to the continuation of the world, I have to cause this world to re-evolve (think Rewrite's plot). This requires my death temporarily, after which I'll come back as myself in the new world.

I've recently seen the Tsuki project, and signed up for it as well. (Did I fuck up?) It lines up neatly with my delusions, I guess. I suppose I am (in hiding) the developer of the Life System, ready to recreate it when needed (and better this time)

>>36318056
>Without even hearing your voice you make me feel better, and you seem know a lot about the subject and what to say

On that note, I have to say my voice has a special effect on homosexuals (and some women), because it's rather bassy. I think the last homo that heard me, online, said something along the lines of, "It feels like I'm being shafted by a ghost through my ears."

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>>36318149
>Thanks for your interest, Nick.

I hope you will come back. I'm sure there's something we can do about this.

Whenever you're ready.

>>36318212
>"It feels like I'm being shafted by a ghost through my ears."

Wow, I've always had a thing for deep voices. One of the many reasons I'm attracted to my bf.

>>36318205
>I've recently seen the Tsuki project, and signed up for it as well. (Did I fuck up?)

I'm not familiar with it.

When did your delusions begin? Are they always convincing to you or do they work in episodes?

How do you manage the fact that while you have these ideas, you also know they're delusions?

I end up "tripping" in everyday situations.

Suddenly my mind feels clouded and everything feels weird and out of touch.

How do I make it stop?

>>36318293
>Wow, I've always had a thing for deep voices. One of the many reasons I'm attracted to my bf.

I've considered using that nice microphone I bought for my loved one, it's the snowball thing many YouTubers have. I have a voice made for late night radio. I should literally read out smut to homo communities, for side money. Plus my voice is what I work with, as a teacher, so it's trained to speak loudly for hours a day.

And I can say dirty stuff in French,
too, my first language.

>>36318384

Brother, you suffer from derealisation. I have this too. It's a consequence of anxiety: your brain disconnects when there's too much. You feel like you're on drugs, like nothing's real, like everything's fucking weird.

I recommend:

>cold, against your forehead, splash cold water on yourself, "ground" yourself
>touch textures with your hands
>take a shower

Basically, get sensory stimulation, it will help grounding you. Working out and taking a shower afterwards may help.

If you're asking for an emergency solution, it's a bit trickier.

Whassup Nick, sorry for the emotional breakdown last night

Parents Recently told me I have been dyslexic my whole life but they never told me because they didn't want me to use it as crutch; Also have addittive issues with weed and tobacco; However, The meme MBTI science on these forums said that I was INTP and they tend to get misdiagnosed with learning dissabilities and it seems like a honest analysis desu.

>>36318355
>When did your delusions begin?
About when I was 12. (so 8 years ago now)

>Are they always convincing to you or do they work in episodes?
Pretty much always.

>How do you manage the fact that while you have these ideas, you also know they're delusions?
I don't know if I know they're delusions anymore, honestly. I'd kill myself for them, after all.

>>36318441

No need for emergencies. I have had this for years, I have mild derealization at most times but sometimes it gets way too heavy. It even started before I had even touched weed and alcohol.

>>36318392
Unfortunately I can't speak any French, but I'm quite proficient in German

Your voice sounds like it would be perfect for asmr, I hear those people actually earn decent money if they get lots of views

Also, being a teacher, is that why you have the free time to do this? Because the kids are on holiday? Does that mean these threads will be stopping after Easter?

>>36318453

No problem. Just, really, don't feed the trolls. Even if they're cunning, it won't help you.

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>>36318479
forgot name, sorry for that

>>36318392
Interesting. People always told me I sound like a soviet serial killer when I used the microphone on skype/etc.

It would usually go like this:
>Skype room, people are talking
>I come in and say hello
>silence for 10 seconds then someone says
>WHAT THE FUCK WHY DO YOU SOUND LIKE THAT

People got used to that, but it was kinda fun intimidating people the first time I talked to them.

>>36318470
>Parents Recently told me I have been dyslexic my whole life but they never told me because they didn't want me to use it as crutch;

I have mixed feelings about this. I agree with not using it as a crutch (that's how I deal with my dyslexic students, because, in my experience, they always do better when they don't expect special treatment, and always worse when they do), but they could have told you you were dyslexic. You can be aware of it and not expect a crutch.

> I was INTP and they tend to get misdiagnosed with learning dissabilities

Do they? I had never heard that before. Careful about Myers-Briggs, I like it but your "personality" may change. I'm some INFJ/P, as my J and P are within 1 point of each other when I do the test.

>>36318479
>About when I was 12. (so 8 years ago now)

Does that match with puberty?

>I don't know if I know they're delusions anymore, honestly. I'd kill myself for them, after all.

OK, tell me more about them so I can give you my perspective, so you can rely on it.

>>36318485

Do you suffer from anxiety?

>>36315834
Why do I always have to practice a few facial expressions before walking out the door.

>>36318592

No official diagnosis that I know of.

But I do at some time, I have learned to avoid it so it doesn't happen that much anymore. I just stick to routines and surround myself around people that I am comfortable being around.

Though I remember some episodes when I was 6-7 year where I would get panic attacks and a "heavy" feeling in my throat.

Problem is that I dissociate when I get heavy anxiety or depression so I never really know when the last time it happened. It just becomes a hole in my memory.

>>36318550

Well, I think I turned out well enough even though the later years of my schooling were rough. Now I am studying psychology myself and it helps me get some perspective; I am still not sure if I am dyslexic or if dyslexia is even a learning disability or merely the extreme end of the intuitive spectrum; A greater emphasis on the right brain so to speak; Although some of my more common symptoms like a confusion regarding direction and mirror alphabets did exist. About MBTI; I went deep and am studying Jungian ideas ever since; I think it explains a lot and identify quite clearly and vivdly with the INTP thinking methodology. INTP's are the most common type to be diaonsed with ADD for example and it may have something to do with underdeveloped Ti instead of something like persistent ADD; Then again, maybe that's what ADD is.

>>36318582
>Does that match with puberty?
Yeah.

>OK, tell me more about them so I can give you my perspective, so you can rely on it.
Your world is terribly broken and needs to be repaired. As creator of this world, I can edit it to re-evolve into something good again, but I'll need to go outside of the world for that, by suicide. I'll have to recode the codebase a bit, but I guess that's my pay for fucking this world up so much.

You might also want to read systemspace.link, as this lines up a lot with my story.

>>36318490
>Unfortunately I can't speak any French, but I'm quite proficient in German

French sounds nice, no need to understand it. In fact, it's even better if you don't, you can imagine whatever you want for the meaning.

You can speak German? I wonder where you learned! I was supposed to, but was a stubborn student and refused to learn it, for years.

>Your voice sounds like it would be perfect for asmr, I hear those people actually earn decent money if they get lots of views

Loved one and I had plans to make a channel where I'd basically read crazy Reddit stories with that voice of mine. We never got to it.

She had started her own channel and it was going well, she made video game reviews. That too came to an end. I wish she'd come back.

>Also, being a teacher, is that why you have the free time to do this? Because the kids are on holiday? Does that mean these threads will be stopping after Easter?

I can't suffer these holidays. They're the worst I've ever had, because I get to taste the emptiness of my life. I only go out for shopping, therapy, and I went out with a friend once.

I started before the holidays. They won't stop. It's all I have for now, so I'll cling to it. What may happen is that they will be shorter, perhaps. But by the time I work again, there'll be enough of you to keep things going without me. We could imagine opening a "The Fucked Up Club" as a place for messed up tripfags to gather whenever, without requiring me to open the thread. I'd keep this thread a separate thing.

>>36318530
>People always told me I sound like a soviet serial killer when I used the microphone on skype/etc.

Pretty much what I had in mind.

>>Skype room, people are talking
>I come in and say hello
>silence for 10 seconds then someone says
>WHAT THE FUCK WHY DO YOU SOUND LIKE THAT

I kekked, hard. Kek be praised.

>>36318597
>Why do I always have to practice a few facial expressions before walking out the door.

Maybe they don't come naturally to you, maybe the emotions that go with them don't either. Maybe you feel less than the average person.

Thoughts?

>>36318665
>Problem is that I dissociate when I get heavy anxiety or depression

Yep, your brain protecting itself. A horrible condition, one of the worst.

I'll imagine that your parents didn't make you feel like a person when you were a kid, is that right?

>>36318749
I only learnt German because I thought it was a lot easier than French, but French definitely sounds nicer.

I'm glad to know the threads will keep going, and then being shorter won't really bother me because I'll be getting home later for work anyway. I like the sound of an extra thread for everybody.

>>36317616
It's not bad, and what could he wrong with it? It's just affection

I've given up on today. I'm going to bed.

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is this a daily thread

>>36318719
>I am still not sure if I am dyslexic or if dyslexia is even a learning disability or merely the extreme end of the intuitive spectrum

I'll stop you right there: dyslexia is nothing intuitive. You mix up letters, simply. There are different types.

>ADD

ADD and ADHD are just like my vagina.

>>36318870

>I'll imagine that your parents didn't make you feel like a person when you were a kid, is that right?


Well I shared a home with one younger sister and an older sister. And my parents lived apart so there wasn't really much attention to get from them. It would often end up with me starting arguments and fights with my siblings as it would be the only way for me to get their attention. Especially my mom. She was more like a boss than a parent. No help with homework, she only cared about housechores and my older and younger sister.

It later on lead to deep self-hatred and depression. It's getting better now though but I still get episodes of strong derealization almost weekly.

>>36318729
>Your world is terribly broken and needs to be repaired. As creator of this world, I can edit it to re-evolve into something good again, but I'll need to go outside of the world for that, by suicide. I'll have to recode the codebase a bit, but I guess that's my pay for fucking this world up so much.

This is the stuff I open this thread for. You should watch Tron, the original film. It's basically Christianity inside computers, with Romans.

I'm fascinated by this because I used to be Christian myself and I wonder if your delusions stem from Christianity, or if Christianity stems from your delusions.

What do you think?

I made a chiasma, by the way, which means "cross" in Greek, because the pattern is ABBA and if you place that on two lines,
you can join the A's and B's and you get a cross, it's a figure of speech; that's the stuff I studied formerly.

>You might also want to read systemspace.link, as this lines up a lot with my story.

Interesting.

>>36318872
>I thought it was a lot easier than French

It ain't.

>I'm glad to know the threads will keep going, and then being shorter won't really bother me because I'll be getting home later for work anyway. I like the sound of an extra thread for everybody.

We'll figure something out.

>The Fucked Up Club

I like how that sounds. It's like the Breakfast Club, where every character has been abused to the point of madness.

All we need is a creative anon to make us OC.

>>36319054
>This is the stuff I open this thread for

Don't you think this statement could resonate negatively with people who have low self esteem and think that their problems are meaningless compared to others in this board?

>>36318875
>It's not bad, and what could he wrong with it? It's just affection

It strikes me as way over the line, but that may be cultural, or it may be that affection wasn't part of my family. We didn't hug. I recently learned that both of my brothers had difficulty with hugs in their relationships.

>>36318931

Are you OK?

>>36318957

Yes. For at least another week. As long as I'm on holidays and haven't jumped out the window, it'll be daily.

>>36319145
No. But sleep is the answer to my problems. Night night x

>>36319033
>It would often end up with me starting arguments and fights with my siblings as it would be the only way for me to get their attention

That is so sad.

>She was more like a boss than a parent.

Right in the feels. I had that kind of mother too. All I remember from her are orders. I don't remember playing with her or having fun, I remember orders.

>It later on lead to deep self-hatred and depression. It's getting better now though but I still get episodes of strong derealization almost weekly.

I urge you to look up information on adults who were raised by narcissists; you weren't given what you needed as a child, so there's a hole in you, and you feel more insecure than you should, which causes anxiety, then derealisation.

I suffer the same crap.

You need a name, friend.

>>36319102
>it ain't

Hmm, I guess some people just have more natural affinity with some languages than others.

I could never remember how to use all the different tenses and that for French, but I found it easy with German. Another large part was pronunciation, which in German is extremely easy and straightforward, whereas I had a hard time with some French words

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I sense Facet approaching...

I imagine that my IP will be different. I don't really know if that's true, but since I am physically elsewhere, I expect that that is true.

>>36319128
Your family was fucked up, don't compare them to other peoples' families

>>36319219
>>36319224
Are you a wizard?

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>>36319252
>Are you a wizard?

Bitches don't know 'bout my super powers.

Second time it's happened. Metapsych spoke my name thrice and I appeared. I'm not saying I'm a supernatural entity, but...

Before you guys start imagining that I am Facet and Meta and every other tripfag, I figured Facet would soon come because I got an e-mail from him.

I didn't know I'd be 7 seconds away from his appearance, though.

Cool moment.

If others want to pretend I can sense their arrival, you can always herald yourself here: [email protected].

>>36319330
Ignore Nick: we are actually all one shitposter. If you see anyone with a name ITT it's all me. If you start posting with a name/ trip you were actually me all along. Seek help.

>>36319202

I still live at home with her. But I got far more autonomy and I can resist orders without any punishment.

But it still triggers me with sadness and anger when I think about the treatment I got when I was younger. It often leaves me quite passive-aggressive towards her at most time. Even when I don't mean it. It just feels so "wrong" that we are friendlier towards eachother.

I felt like the worst person ever born if I didn't listen to her orders as she would make me feel bad.

Only way for her to show love is to provide me with clothes etc, she has no concept of motherly love.

Yeah she obviously is a narcissist.

I super anxious because I got a scholarship but I haven't gotten my
official letter yet. I also had to deffer my Msc because they put me
at the wrong start date so I hope I get a place still.

This is my one way out of my hell hole of a country and I don't really
see myself continuing life if this doesn't work out.

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>>36319361

The day Facet assimilated me.

I think I'm gonna be okay, so probably won't post much anymore. Just wanted to vent when it was bad, but I talked to my wife and things are better. Hopefully someday I'll get my chance. For now I'm okay.

Best of luck to all you weirdos, stay happy.

>>36319365
>It just feels so "wrong" that we are friendlier towards eachother.

She may be trying to act like nothing happened in the past, and you sense it on some level, so you don't like it. I can garantee narcs do this: my parents adapted with my age level and in recent years, they acted way, way nicer than they ever did before, but it was all a disgusting act, I came to find.

>I felt like the worst person ever born if I didn't listen to her orders as she would make me feel bad.

Something she trained you to feel since you were born. Same here.

>Only way for her to show love is to provide me with clothes etc, she has no concept of motherly love.

Well said: giving, for them, is like a trade. They buy your loyalty, it's not even love. They literally don't understand that normal people LIKE giving things to people they like. Since they don't really like anyone beyond themselves, they see all gifts as a bore. Narcs are shitty gift-givers for that reason. My mother had tried, for years, to cancel all gifts for Christmas. Last Christmas, I didn't prepare anything because I was going through a lot and welcomed not having to make gifts. It was our last Christmas ever.

Next Christmas, I'll be fucking alone.

Sorry for making this about myself (like a narc, actually), but we have a bunch in common.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201602/10-signs-narcissistic-parent

>>36319378

I hope you won't give up even if this doesn't work out, there are options.

Which country is it? If you're OK saying.

>>36319567
>Hopefully someday I'll get my chance.

To... To do what?

>>36319607

>Well said: giving, for them, is like a trade. They buy your loyalty, it's not even love.

Yeah. It's only for the sake of royality that she gets me things. Its all transactional.

>Sorry for making this about myself (like a narc, actually), but we have a bunch in common.

No problem, I think it's nice to talk about this with someone that have gone through similar things.

>>36319622
Tiny island in the middle of the Caribbean, it's a death trap

>>36319671
>Its all transactional.

Damn right.

The weird thing with narcs is how similar they are. It's absolutely mind-blowing.

You may come to find unpleasant things about your parents, maybe in 15 years.

I only discovered a few months ago that my parents were lewd demons and regularly had group sex with my best friend's father, when I was ten. I had accidentally brought some new dick to my whore mother by making a friend.

Damn.

>>36319671
>>36319691

>ZT1311
>SL

Guys, not sure how to say this, but your names are here to help me remember you. These names aren't too helpful. C3PO and R2D2 would be fine, I'm familiar with those, but otherwise, not so much.

Can you get some name-like names? I'm sorry to insist, but I have a lot of people to keep mental tabs on, and a good name really helps a lot.

>>36319633
You know what. As long as I know I'm not at risk of throwing my life away for an hour of bliss yet, that's all I can be thankful for. Take it one day at a time right?

>>36319727

Luckily it's only my mom who is narc.

She does everything to make herself feel superior.

>"I don't use facebook"

>"I was offered cannabis once but I chose not to try it"

Also some days after my grandfather died she told me

>"You know that I am going to die one day too? So you better start listening to me"


It seems like most narcs have similar ways of dealing with people. I love having visitors over because she will not be a boss. She actually acts like a mother.

>>36319791

Yes, or go see a therapist and talk your problem out.

Was there anything abusive in your childhood?

>>36319783


Okay ZT1311 = CloudHead

>>36319845
>"You know that I am going to die one day too? So you better start listening to me"

Holy shit... Fucking narcs. Come to think of it, my mother posted something like this on Facebook recently. "We won't be here forever, listen while you can," or something like that. Amazing narcs.

>I love having visitors over because she will not be a boss. She actually acts like a mother.

Yes. I've realised the only times I ever heard positive things about myself were times when third parties were present. She was basically showing off her son to guests, but those were never compliments.

What sad parents we have.

>>36319881

Very nice name.

>>36319857
If I go to therapy the instant I mention self harm or harming others they'll put me in the hospital. I was in and out of therapy for a few years in high school and the only reason I finally got out was because I learned how to act normally. Therapists are helpful sometimes but I don't think it'll help me. I don't want to be on meds that numb me.

A couple weird things (sibling had a lot of mental issues from a young age, father is an alcoholic but never violent) but nothing abusive about my childhood. I get along well with my siblings and both parents.

>>36319128
Don't wanna sound rude but I think it's your family

>>36320006
Well the important thing is why do you get the urge to harm yourself or others.

>>36320006
>nothing abusive about my childhood.

Let's dig.

How did your father's alcoholic behaviour affect you? What would happen?

>>36320038

There's no doubt that my family is fucked up. I still have a hard time imagining a grown daughter hopping in bed with her mother, but that too could be because of the emotionally dead parents I had.

>>36320041
It's my fetish and gives a great high. Murder is my ultimate fantasy.

>>36320065
Basically he would drink and pass out on the couch after everyone else was asleep. A couple times I was around him and he would say weird things while still conscious. Only once he drove drunk while I was with him. That was when he was particularly bad, soon before my parents ended up divorced when I was in high school. He's a great dad and has always been really supportive of me. He's not perfect. I'm pretty sure there's just something wrong with me. I'm not sure it's more than that.

>>36320210
>and he would say weird things while still conscious

Such as?

> Only once he drove drunk while I was with him

Did that scare you?

>I'm pretty sure there's just something wrong with me. I'm not sure it's more than that.

Maybe, maybe not, but I take note that you feel like defending your father.

How about your mother?

Quiet thread tonight.

That means I'll have more time for whoever is active here.

>>36320260
Uhh I don't remember specifically, just weird drink things that don't make sense you know?

Yeah I was nervous at the time. If it happened again I probably would be fought. I was too young to drive myself at the time.

I have a good relationship with my mom too. She's also supportive. Put me in a mental hospital for a night once in high school because a therapist told her to. After that apologized and a couple of rough months and our relationship was okay again. She shit talks my dad which makes me mad because my dad never says a bad word about her. She also insists on taking a lot of alimony from him and he's very poor. Things are a little harder with her, but I love her. She helps me out a lot when I need it. Nothing of much interest.

I'm here, but I don't know how long I'll be here

>>36320388
>Yeah I was nervous at the time.

Here is an example of something that is clearly abuse but that you didn't think of as such. Don't worry, it's not obvious. 95% of my own shit I didn't think was abuse.

Here, the adult puts you in danger, and that's traumatic for a kid. I don't know how old you were, but for a child, when your parent, who's supposed to protect you, actually puts you in danger, that's traumatic, because it breaks your trust in them, and for a child, trust in a parent is a matter of survival, life or death, so it's intense. It's an evolutionary thing: kids who learned to trust their parents survived more than kids who didn't, so, as humans, we rely on our parents a lot as children. Break that trust and you can fuck a kid up.

>She shit talks my dad which makes me mad because my dad never says a bad word about her.

Also another subtle form of abuse, undermining the other parent. No kid can feel good when this is being done. Not sure she did it when you were younger, but even now, no good.

>She also insists on taking a lot of alimony from him and he's very poor.

Goddamn. Your mother does not sound like a nice person at all.

>She helps me out a lot when I need it.

This may be how she keeps you under control. She doesn't help your father when he needs it, for instance.

> Put me in a mental hospital for a night once in high school because a therapist told her to.

Over your own opinion? Do you think it was fair that you got sent there for a night?

>>36320093
Like I said, I'm a cuddle bug, but not to a fault

>>36320395

Just tell your mother to fuck off back to Narcland and say hi to my own mother, and stick with us.

>>36320594
>but not to a fault

Maybe.

Do you speak in a rather monotone voice?

>>36320582
>Your mother does not sound like a nice person at all.
I mean...she's kind of not, but she's nice to me. She just helped me move and she never asks me for money or anything. She took the divorce super hard. A lot of her bitchy side stems from that. She had some mental problems herself too. I'm not sure what else to say about it. I guess there was some minor abuse then? I just don't think it's relevant. I was like this before all those events happened.

No I don't think I should have ever been sent to the mental hospital. She called my wife (girlfriend at the time) and told her she wasn't allowed to ever see me again after she took me. It was really scary. She told me she did it because the therapist recommended it, but the therapist told me she never said that to my mom. So. I still don't know which one of them was lying.

I still don't think this is relevant to my current problem. Everyone has had shit happen.

>>36317616
My opinion is that that's super weird but what do I know.

>>36318384
>>36318441
Derealization? I've never heard that term before but briefly looking into it that Is what I've unsuccessfully been trying to put into words for years. Do you know anything more about it nick?

And facet I was genna respond a few threads ago but it ended before I could. You asked if anyone else wasn't able to sleep untill they like pass out from exhaustion because of fear of not waking up. I experience the same thing but thoughts are not as specific but often do involve fear of death.

Also hi everyone.

>>36320819
>I mean...she's kind of not, but she's nice to me.

For a reason: it works for her interest. Focus on that, or you may have nasty surprises in the future.

>She just helped me move and she never asks me for money or anything.

Why would she?

>A lot of her bitchy side stems from that.

Or the divorce stemmed from her bitchy side. People don't suddenly turn into assholes because of a divorce, but one's true colours show better under pressure.

> She had some mental problems herself too.

Tell me about those.

>I guess there was some minor abuse then? I just don't think it's relevant. I was like this before all those events happened

We'll figure it out as we go.

> She called my wife (girlfriend at the time) and told her she wasn't allowed to ever see me again after she took me.

Dude...

>She told me she did it because the therapist recommended it, but the therapist told me she never said that to my mom. So. I still don't know which one of them was lying.

I know which one of them was lying: your narcissistic mother. It's very clear to me. Your mother fits a lot of symptoms of a narc: manipulation, lies, gifts to buy you, etc. Fuck it, your mom's a narc too. What she did is not normal, it's abusive as fuck, and downright creepy.

>I still don't think this is relevant to my current problem. Everyone has had shit happen.

With my experience of the subject, when you tell me this (and many people do), it sounds exactly as when somebody puts their computer under the rain and try to convince me that the rain has nothing to do with the computer's untimely death.

You may be correct that it's not relevant to your current problem, but it's clearly not innocuous, and it may explain something else that will be important.

How your parents are and how they raise you has serious consequences, good or bad, on how you develop as an adult.

Anon, do you ever fantasise about murdering your mother?

>>36320875

Thank you for your opinion. We'd need more.

Your mom and my mom are both narcs, so there's no much affection with those, so I'm not sure we're good judges for that one.

We'd need anons with normal mothers.

Where are normies when you need them?

>>36320899
>Derealization? I've never heard that term before but briefly looking into it that Is what I've unsuccessfully been trying to put into words for years. Do you know anything more about it nick?

I'm glad I could help with that; being able to have a concept for it helps a shitload. It's weird enough when you know what it is.

It really is some defense mechanism through which your brain protects you from further stress by disconnecting, literally, and mechanically. There's a part of the brain that gets disconnected, I forget which, and this causes derealisation.

At my worst, derealisation feels like my body is now one of those old diving suits made of metal, and I'm inside, with fity millions miles between the world and myself, slowly filling up with water. My reactions seem delayed, there's lag on the server, and I can't fucking focus or think fast.

>>36320700
Yea, like I said people say I seem uninterested or bored

>>36320972
No i have never fantasized about murdering my mother. Murder for me is a sexual fantasy and I don't want my mother to be anywhere near that. My mom is some sort of combination of depression, bipolar, and schizo.

I feel like you're assuming a lot. I just want to get away with murder. I have simple desires. I have little desire to delve that far into what makes me, me. I don't want to know.

>>36321189
>My mom is some sort of combination of depression, bipolar, and schizo.

I'd like you to give me her symptoms for each of these, because her behaviour doesn't indicate either of these, but narcissism. Earlier, you said nothing of much interest, but now you're telling me she suffers from schizophrenia. Maybe you thought that wasn't important, I suppose.

>I feel like you're assuming a lot.

I don't assume, I see patterns, patterns you aren't aware of, but that's why I'm here. When the same pattern works the same way with dozens of people in my personal experience, and millions in the psychiatric community, I get confident that the similarities between issues are strong. I don't claim to be 100% accurate so far, it's trial and error.

> I just want to get away with murder. I have simple desires. I have little desire to delve that far into what makes me, me. I don't want to know.

Very important comment. There's nothing "simple" about wanting to murder someone for fun, anon. It's intensely crazy, if I may say, and it doesn't stem from anything simple, or healthy. It's complicated and fucked up.

I can tell there's a part of you that's getting scared to find out the truth of it, most likely because there's an element of shame in what makes you lust for murder. There's something inside you that you'd rather not know.

Maybe my question about your mother was right on the money, maybe not. It depends on how uncomfortable it makes you, and I recall you said you'd rather have her as far away as possible from your sexuality. I guess most of us would say that, but maybe there's more. Your mother, acting like a narcissist, made you feel a certain way, but you thought a different way, which is typical for narcs. Maybe, unconsciously, you wanted her to pay for it, and that thought was never allowed to come to the surface.

How old were you when you fantasised about murder? The youngest age you recall?

>>36321191
Eh sometimes, but there was a time my dad and I went to a Patriots game and it was probably the most fun I've ever had but he kept checking if I was bored

>>36321074
Exactly wow yeah it is weird just suddenly knowing the word for it.

Do you get any treatment/help for it?

>>36321467

I know it's only in prose that we communicate, but I do get this vibe from you that you're sort of... inexpressive? Like, flat.

I can't pinpoint exactly what gives that impression.

Do you ever laugh?

>>36321359
Symptoms: auditory hallucinations, mood swings, and general depression I guess? My mom was in and out of hospitals and wasn't able to hold down a job for most of my childhood because she would have a depressive breakdown if she did. She's always been on a lot of medication. She doesn't have a job now. She gets social security and alimony. She absolutely has a victim complex. It's part of why my dad divorced her.

The youngest that I recall is 3rd grade. But I feel like it's always been there. I don't usually think of anyone specific. In school I would think of what I would do if I could hold my whole class at gunpoint and stupid things like that but it was never about my mom or my friend or anyone that specific.

Yeah I feel shame and thinking about it makes me feel small and fucking stupid and just bad. I also want to fuck dogs. I still stand by there's just something wrong with me. It's no ones fault. I'm just a terrible person.

>>36321485
>Exactly wow yeah it is weird just suddenly knowing the word for it.

A huge relief.

>Do you get any treatment/help for it?

Usually, you wait and it goes away, but I've heard of medication that helps with this. Thing is, I heard it from a YouTuber, and his version of it was intense, drove him mad and he wanted to kill himself because of it. I'm not sure what meds he went on, but it saved him, he says.

I've mentioned my own case to my therapist, insisting on that it was constantly present, though often at low levels, 10% is my estimation, and when times are bad, it goes up.

Are you in the UK? Or Canada? If you can see a therapist about this, for not much money, do that.

>>36321625
>Symptoms: auditory hallucinations, mood swings, and general depression I guess? My mom was in and out of hospitals and wasn't able to hold down a job for most of my childhood because she would have a depressive breakdown if she did. She's always been on a lot of medication. She doesn't have a job now. She gets social security and alimony. She absolutely has a victim complex. It's part of why my dad divorced her.

Damn, murderbro... You were raised by chaos.

> what I would do if I could hold my whole class at gunpoint and stupid things like that but it was never about my mom or my friend or anyone that specific.

Does rage fuel fantasies like this one? Or a desire for power? Both?

>Yeah I feel shame and thinking about it makes me feel small and fucking stupid and just bad.

Hang in there, that means we're close. Pay no mind to negative feelings for now, don't let them stop you, even if it's hard. OK?

> I also want to fuck dogs.

All right, that's interesting. I'm not tackling that one right now, but I'll keep it in mind.

> I still stand by there's just something wrong with me. It's no ones fault. I'm just a terrible person.

Nobody is just a terrible person, there are reasons. I think you'd rather think there's nothing else to find because you're scared of what we may find, but that's how therapy work: revelations.

Hold on and hang in there. It won't feel good at first but then it's worth it.

>>36321592
I guess you could say that
I do laugh, I'm not to hard to get a giggle out of. I'm not a corpse

>>36321751

Do you laugh more than a giggle, though? Do you ever cry from laughing really hard?

lost nearly two years of my life to a guy I fell in love with but he didn't "see me". Pretty much lived entirely for him in this time and forgot entirely about myself for this time also. Feels like now I have to actually make decisions on behalf of myself there is nothing to work with because he took everything. It just feels empty.

>>36321815
Yea I've had moments I laugh so hard I cry

I'm back. I'm a little drunk, and I wish I could switch but unfortunately I'm stuck with myself. I'm tired, but conscious. It's inconvenient.

>>36321823

Narcissitic abuse, narc partner.

That's what it feels like.

>Feels like now I have to actually make decisions on behalf of myself there is nothing to work with

While slightly different, this is exactly what I realised when I was 5 and wondered what *I* wanted to do, and saw that I had no idea, had never wondered, had only prepared to respond to my father, but never took time to consider my own desires, which there was no room for.

Use a name. There's much to discuss.

>>36321864

Why do you drink at all knowing what can happen?

Is your mother still living?

>>36321728
>Does rage fuel fantasies like this one? Or a desire for power? Both?
Both. Sometimes when I get angry, no matter the reason, I also get horny. Which makes me want to do something violent.

Even if therapy would help, it's not an option. Therapy isn't made to help, it's just supposed to teach you to act normal. The second they hear why I'm there I'll be in a hospital. I can't handle that. That's going to make it worse.

I feel like I'm getting really stressed and might have to tap out and go play a game or pet my cat for a bit. My work schedule keeps me from here most days but I'll pop back in sometime. Hope everyone stays well.

>>36321945
I drink to relax. I'm not really relaxed though. I saw her this evening. It went alright. I didn't fight with her at least.

How to know what you really want when i feel that i dont want anything and i feel i have no options.

>>36321983
>Sometimes when I get angry, no matter the reason, I also get horny.

I remember the Fulk thing, a sexual Hulk, from Facet's idea.

I'm trying to think of something but I am not sure what to make of that anger/horniness. Perhaps the two were associated somehow, but how? Can you recall events where you were angry and turned on at the same time?

>Therapy isn't made to help, it's just supposed to teach you to act normal.

Absolutely not. Therapy is there to make you function normally with regards to yourself. It's not about acting, it's about solving stuff so you can be fine. In many cases, it's about making conscious things that were not. I see your comment as resistance.

>The second they hear why I'm there I'll be in a hospital. I can't handle that. That's going to make it worse.

Then stick with me. I'm no pro but I won't send you to any prison, and I'm confident we can work things out some more, possibly all the way, or at least to some point where you have enough to discuss without having to mention the murder part to a therapist.

>I feel like I'm getting really stressed and might have to tap out and go play a game or pet my cat for a bit.

If that's because of the conversation, it's a good sign. We're getting closer to the heart of the matter.

>My work schedule keeps me from here most days but I'll pop back in sometime. Hope everyone stays well.

You can always write if you want, e-mails.

I'm optimistic about your case. We'll find new stuff.

>>36321996

Alcohol isn't good for your brain, and you need to take care of yours.

What's the worst thing that could happen to me if I met you at a bar?

>>36322024
>How to know what you really want when i feel that i dont want anything and i feel i have no options.

Think about what you don't want.

>>36322138
Let's fine out senpai

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>>36322161

I'd rather find out in my imagination.

>>36322150
It's just everything boils down that i'm not passionate about anything. I already wasted 4 years on physics degree.

>>36322206
Why is it that you're always posting silence of the lambs screenshots? Is that an in-joke between you two or something?

>>36322233

Do you have any dreams? As in, projects?

>>36322259
>Do you have any dreams? As in, projects?
Sadly but nothing - no dreams, goal or aspirations. Nothing interests me that much that i'd start doing it.

>>36322206
Two of us like you so worst case scenario the other might flirt with you harmlessly (and we know you don't swing that way so no worries there).

>>36322245

More than a joke. I'll explain.

When I first spoke with Facet, he talked of his dark thoughts and intentions, and all that. Because of this, I wanted to know more about him so I could understand more about another person who caused me great harm.

Because of that dynamic, I imagined it made me sound like Clarice asking questions to Lecter, in order to understand Buffalo Bill. From then, I keep using references from Thomas Harris' novels, and the movies based on them.

It so happens that Facet read the books when he was way too young, actually cooks, and other interesting coincidences.

I also have a lot in common with Clarice: I too lost my parents (differently), feel alone in a hostile world right now, and I'm a goody-two-shoes who wants to do right.

I also think Jodie Foster is my favourite actress. She's supremely intelligent and she could be my waifu. The thing I love most in a woman is intelligence, and kindness. Baudelaire once wrote, "Loving intelligent women is a pederast's pleasure." Which I found funny because it's offensive to both women and homos, but fuck Baudelaire, outside of his cool poetry and texts, he was a submissive dickbag. Love the art, disregard the person, in some cases.

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>>36322259
hey Nick, saved my last response to you on yesterday's thread. you had to go but here it is:

>>36300396
>I doubt you can accidentally fondle your kid in the wrong place
he was watching football, you have no idea how distracted he gets when watching football kek

>>36300396
>How long was the accidental fondling?
about a minute or so

>>36300396
>A belly rub might be understandable, but fondling a belly is already on the strange side of things
you are right (my language is not english) i used the wrong words, he didnt fondle my genitals i guess, he just rubbed them over my shorts. does it sound less suspicious now?

>>36300396
>Sounds like he's trying to shift the blame to you
i think he was just surprised i didnt tell anything
>>36300396
>Did they think that because you froze, it might have happened to you before?
they thought that maybe because i let it happen like nobody's business it might have happened to me before. that's more or less rational in my view

>>36300396
>Describe how you were fondled specifically, if you can.
just rubbing, again im sorry probably fondling was the wrong word

>>36321647
Yeah it's hard cause sometimes it lasts for 20 mins sometimes for 2 weeks and I don't think it's the only thing going on with me, but it's defiantly a big one.

In my city I am able to get a free evaluation by a psychiatrist so I did a few months ago when things were getting bad. I did 3 sessions over a month and told him all this and more and he said he didn't believe he could diagnose me with anything but I should start seeing a therpist weekly. Only that's not free so I'm kinda stuck at the moment .

>>36322336
>Two of us like

That's you and her, right?

Who'd get flirty with me? The dark lord?

>>36322472
Her obviously, albeit just for shits and gigs

>>36322442
Huh, I love how whenever I ask a question which I expect would have a simple answer it turns out to be part of a story. It makes things much more interesting

>>36322449

Oh yeah, I read that before making this here thread, and holy fuck, holy shit. Brace.

>he was watching football, you have no idea how distracted he gets when watching football kek

Yeah, no.

>about a minute or so

Friend, a minute is really long. To realise you're fondling kid genitals and not a belly or anything else, that takes about 1 second, tops. If a man is really into football, he doesn't have the ability to do anything else at the same time, and won't want to. I'm sorry, I really think your father knew what he was doing.

>he didnt fondle my genitals i guess, he just rubbed them over my shorts. does it sound less suspicious now?

No, it sounds exactly like what it is: inappropriate contact. He had no business touching you there, and he knew it because he disguised it as an accident. He even went to the extremity of making a huge deal of it (which it is, I mean, it is a huge deal, but he made it a huge deal for another reason, a reason that was "your fault", so as not to focus on his part).

>i think he was just surprised i didnt tell anything

It's still way too damn weird.

Did your father "rub" you in other places usually? Like belly, shoulders, etc? Was that a frequent event?

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All right, some of you fuckers are reporting me again, for "blox" posting, even when I do my damndest to write English sentences.

What the fuck is your definition of "blox"?

I should have stuck with John Donne.

>>36322452
>he didn't believe he could diagnose me with anything but I should start seeing a therpist weekly. Only that's not free so I'm kinda stuck at the moment .

Tell me your other symptoms. Maybe we can narrow it down.

>>36322492

But not without some Zombina and the Skeletones.

>>36322732
Top jeje

>>36321925
You put me on the spot so it took a while to reply, I decided to just do one that without any details
There was a guy in my school who was making fun of a teacher and it was funny

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>>36322590

It's an intricate world.

Am I unusually vulgar tonight? I think I swear a lot. A shitload.

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>>36322650
>Friend, a minute is really long
not that long really. if you knew my father you would be sure he didnt do it on purpose
>>36322650
>If a man is really into football, he doesn't have the ability to do anything else at the same time
he often eats while watching football, he can cut the food etc without taking his eyes from the screen so you're definitely wrong

>>36322650
>He even went to the extremity of making a huge deal of it
he told my mom because he was worried about me obviously plus there was no reason to tell my mom if he did on purpose (he already had a sign that i wouldnt talk, my passivity, and telling my mom would help prevent further abuse in a way so it makes no sense at all)

>>36322650
>Did your father "rub" you in other places usually?
both mom and dad would be physically affective, hugs, belly rubs (i was a fatty), massages, caressing ears while i fell asleep, caress my hair etc. its pretty normal in my family and it never escalated to sexual stuff

>>36322706
I did, but I'm actually pretty good at being normal. This leads to him asking me if any of these symptoms make me unable to live a day to day life and I say no but it does take all I have to do them and be normal, and he said in that case nothing's diagnosable and I should just do weekly therapy.

>>36322757

https://youtu.be/LlgKj4dGlVU

This is so damn cute.

>>36322806
I've told people's families that something happened and turned it around on them in order to pitch the entire family against them in the past and it worked a charm, just saying. It was definitely a calculated move.

>>36322863
Will listen now

>>36322863
Ooo this one is my favourite!

>>36322760

What post were you responding to?

>>36322806
>not that long really. if you knew my father you would be sure he didnt do it on purpose

Maybe. I want to be sure I give you an objective perspective.

>he often eats while watching football, he can cut the food etc without taking his eyes from the screen so you're definitely wrong

He can do that, yet he can't aim at where he's going to rub you? Intriguing.

>plus there was no reason to tell my mom if he did on purpose (he already had a sign that i wouldnt talk, my passivity, and telling my mom would help prevent further abuse in a way so it makes no sense at all)

You could have told later on, even much later on. As to sense, I've learned that my idea of sense won't be everyone's, especially not that of abusive parents.

>both mom and dad would be physically affective, hugs, belly rubs (i was a fatty), massages, caressing ears while i fell asleep, caress my hair etc. its pretty normal in my family and it never escalated to sexual stuff

OK. I trust your judgement on this. If there were no other incidents, you're probably right. I wanted to make sure.

>>36322845
>he said in that case nothing's diagnosable and I should just do weekly therapy.

This is insane. Are these people fucking retarded? Goddamn.

Tell me your other symptoms, not him, me. Go!

>>36322878
>I've told people's families that something happened and turned it around on them in order to pitch the entire family against them in the past and it worked a charm, just saying. It was definitely a calculated move.

Machiavellianism + 500.

>>36322897

You are too cute.

Does anyone want the archives list?

>>36322946
This one, sorry
>>36321815

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>>36323004
Fufufu uguu~

I need to go to bed soon, pretty sleepy but I'll stay a little bit longer

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>>36322946
>He can do that, yet he can't aim at where he's going to rub you? Intriguing.
sometimes he'll drop a drink or aim incorrectly to his mouth so yeah, he can generally do it as well as he generally aimed correctly at my belly

>>36322946
>You could have told later on, even much later on
it was an isolated event tho, the only one actually. if he really wanted to abuse me it made no sense trying it only once (for a minute) and stop all together, plus it never happened to my brothers either. abusers always develop a history of abuse before stopping or being caught

>>36322946
>I wanted to make sure
i appreciate it, man. dont worry. anyways im not traumatized it's just my passivity that nags me

>>36323054

So it really didn't happen a lot.

>>36323062

I'm visiting some remnants of my family tomorrow, my brother and his wife and children.

Always kills me for various reasons, one being that I may never have children.

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Pleasant evenings.

>>36323084
>it's just my passivity that nags me

Did you think, at the time, "Shit, dad's touching my stuff now, what do," as in you thought it was possible that it was no accident? As a kid, I mean.

>>36323109
Hum? Why? If you're worried you won't find someone else you def will. It's not like you're in the permavirgin camp. I'm not gonna say to b urself but honestly, you will find someone else. It might be rough now, but give it time, you know?

>>36323130

I see nobody.

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>>36323132
yeah i definitely thought that while it was happening

I'm not even really sure where to start, but I've seen these threads for a while and I appreciate what you guys are doing here.
I guess I'll start from the beginning. I've never really had any desires to have a girlfriend, or really any human contact at all. For a very long time, I was okay. Not happy, not sad, but okay. Everything felt fine. I've never been social, ever since I was in middle school I've known that I didn't belong with everyone else. I've struggled with Chads bullying me and all that, superficial and shallow people, and not having any friends in high school. It never really bothered me, vidya was always a good escape from my problems. I grew up without my father, who my mother said was abusive, which I find interesting considering I find her popping pills for her bipolar disorder and anger management. I've never really felt anything for a long time, but a few weeks ago when I was playing vidya I met someone. They seemed a lot like me, we had a lot of good interactions for a while, and I eventually found out that it was a girl. She lives in Germany, and a few days ago she confessed that she's in love with me. What am I supposed to do? Her English isn't the best, she has trouble expressing herself, and she's very moody. She'll go for days without talking to me and then randomly say something. I'm honestly not sure if I feel anything for her too. What do, fellow robots?

>>36323159
You've justified it to yourself after the fact. Maybe it didn't super traumatise you (but you're bringing it up here so it clearly bothers you) but you should acknowledge it. He messed with you and that's not ok.

>>36323149
>If you're worried you won't find someone else you def will.

I am not so sure. I have spent large chunks of my life living like a monk.

>I'm not gonna say to b urself but honestly, you will find someone else. It might be rough now, but give it time, you know?

I don't even want anyone else. I just want her back so we can watch any of the silly videos she loved. Silly videos or hardcore documentaries about any number of freaks of diseases.

>>36323159

Amazing art as always. I really like your work, as I always say.

What worries me a little is that you thought it was possible. Your first reaction wasn't "He must be mistaken," but "Shit, dad's molesting me, FREEZE," which is an understandable reaction. You probably hoped he'd realise what he was doing on his own to avoid underlining the fact that "Hey, you're touching my stuff, dad."

Maybe that'll help make sense of why you froze.

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>>36323203
>Maybe it didn't super traumatise you (but you're bringing it up here so it clearly bothers you)
actually i brought it up because my passivity bothered me, not so much the touching.

>>36323203
>He messed with you and that's not ok
it wouldnt have been ok had it not been an accident

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>>36323240
There will be other people with those interests. It must feel like the world is crashing down but that's the thing with BPD - you will build a new world with a new person and it will be special in its own way. Anyway check out my cool sign off cos I'm outta here feel free to email me tho

>>36322981
Derealization that can last a long time
Weird memory that completely forgets things/people or remembers dreams or thoughts as real memories.
Sleep problems
Depressive points
Anxiety shit/obsessive thoughts
Mild paranoia
Generally apathetic but can occasionally get periods of time when manic would be the best description that generally end in extreme derealization and depression
Personal relationships are sparse and superficial romantic relationships and non existant
Can never put my thoughts into words

Idk those are the main ones I guess

Oh and idk if it's relavant but my father probably has aspergers but doctor said I didn't

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>>36323288
>Maybe that'll help make sense of why you froze.
hmmm i guess at the moment i was afraid of disappoint him by stopping him if he was actually doing it on purpose. does that make sense?

>>36323197

Where do you live?

There are several things in your post:

- your own condition

- what to do about the girl

She's already in love with you, and she seems to have issues, possibly some BPD stuff, who knows.

You might be emotionally repressed and not used to be allowed to feel things, because it seems you can enjoy human company, but aren't used to it.

>>36323091
Like I said you put me on the spot, it's hard to recount very brief moments like that

>>36323296

How did you learn to paint? This is great.

>>36323307

Anything I do in the future will be done in the shadow of her.

Take care and see you soon.

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>>36323423
thanks. i guess just practicing. looking up techniques on the internet and practicing. reading art magazines etc

>>36323327
>my father probably has aspergers

We'd have to dig, to be sure. Do his social misteps ever hurt people, are awkward as hell, or sexually inappropriate?

Try this test, it's flawed but might help.

http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv

>>36323350
>does that make sense?

Absolutely.

Story on that painting?

>>36323407

Sure, but the point is: it doesn't happen on a weekly basis for you.

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>>36323490
oh it was just riot policeman treating protesters like some type of toxic waste. a formless mass. it was a diptych. i like this one a bit more

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Psychological Issues Archives

1 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35498409/
2 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35521806/
3 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35541735/
4 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35547290/
5 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35567230/
6 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35668421/
7 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35689780/
8 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35716442/
9 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35740738/
10 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35763440/
11 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35777773/
12 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35803625/
13 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35835561/
14 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35855848/
15 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35876435/
16 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35882457/
17 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35906378/
18 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35926221/
19 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35945942/
20 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35971403/
21 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35994443/
22 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36019645/
23 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36040635/
24 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36089774/
25 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36093480/
26 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36108068/
26 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36132647/
27 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36158561/
28 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36183284/
29 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36210653/
30 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36244000/
31 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36259571/
32 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36284773/
33 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36294613/
34 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36315834/

I must go sleep now. Consulting the archives is a good way to find other people who have similar problems to yours, if I'm not around.

>>36323503
You cry laughing on a weekly basis? Tears streaming down your face?
I laugh but not crying often

>>36323586

Really cool style!

I thought it was some scifi thing with a space blob, some alien menace.

>>36323624

When my loved one was around, yes, on average. We laughed every day, because I'm real fucking funny and so is she. Maybe not on a weekly basis, I'm not sure, but it happened.

I miss those moments. Fuck.

Going now, but feel free to chat among yourselves!

I'll be read from my phone.

Don't let the thread die, it doesn't need to.

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>>36323479
Yeah all three. He wasn't really involved with my childhood, so those memories are pretty much all I remember of him. We haven't been in contact since I was 14 when my mom left him.

>>36323877
>Yeah all three.

Liste, since I'm still here, chances are your father is about as Aspie as my own, meaning not at all.

I thought my father had Asperger's for over 15 years, and it wasn't that.

If you detect ANYTHING where your father provokes reactions, and gets upset if he gets a different reaction from what he wants, he is no aspie. Especially the sexually inappropriate stuff. If he has lame humor made mostly of shitty puns, that's another narc trait, just like my father. If you tell him the joke is lame, he will attack you by saying you have no sense of humor and are "too serious, relax!" as if it was your fault, not his, that his joke sucks.

Interesting results. I recommend doing other tests based on those results, individual tests scoring only for one condition.

>>36323404
The states. It's a six hour time difference between me and her. The only reason I brought up both things is because of how linked they are.

I got my dog hooked on heroin. My depression was bad, but after my dog got hooked (due to my stupidity) then I really went into a depressive slump and now I can't even kill myself peacefully because my dog needs me around to inject 5 units of heroin into his radial artery every day, twice a day. I've called vet offices and animal centers and NONE of them do detox for dogs.

If he doesn't get his injection, he starts throwing up, crying and won't eat at all and he starts having liquid shits everywhere.

I hate my life and I ruined my doggo's life. This isn't a troll. I think I should kill us both but that would be selfish.

>>36325165
ween each other off, then live for each other , desu