Feels thread

I'm the happiest I've been in years, I feel like how I felt I should always feel like

>>36057332
Pro tip: anti depressant over dose just makes you sick

You want to do things for yourself instead of for approval from other people. I'm drunk now so I'm hoping to hold on to this feeling but I won't. Ask yourself why are you training? So that I can get fit. So that women will find you more attractive. Wonrg. That's not why you should want to do it. Why do you want to do anything? All for approval. To be "normal". To be attractive. To be wanted. This is wrong. Don't do it for approval. Do it for yourself. Abandon all thoughts of other poeple. They may come to you but don't do what you're doing for them. Do it for yourslef. Not out of a sense of accomplishment or wanting to achieve something. Do it because what else can I do? Sit in my room playing video games all day? Do it because there's nothing else. Do it because you want to be busy.

I finally think I found a girl that likes me. We talk quite a bit, she has shown interest in hanging out outside of the club we're in together, and she responds well when I try to flirt. She's such a qt, and her personality is even better: smart, funny, relatable. The only problem is that she has a boyfriend. She never told me about this; I found out from a friend. I still think she's interested in me and I'm definitely interested in her, but I have no idea what to do about this. It's quite a predicament.

I finally realized that I fucking hate school.
I used to think it was my major, or the circumstances I lived in, but no, I just hate college, can't stand it but feel forced to go trough it to make my parents feel proud.

I have no idea what I should be doing with my life

Please talk to me already. I'm sick of the game. I'm sick of all my hard work being put out into the world and I get nothing in return. You're using me as a way to advertise and to sway public opinion but I get fucking NOTHING in return.

You won't even give me my medications. You know, the 60/month adderall IR 20mg (NOT the XR shit. It just doesn't work.) that pretty much treats every symptom I have (except the REM sleep disorder shit.)

No. You use me as a tool for your benefit and sever my connection from the world so I have NO IDEA what the fuck is going on out there.

I receive absolutely no positive support of any kind. All I get are people harassing me, gaslighting me, and being general fuckwads.

If you're not going to give me answers then at least give me the fucking medications. I don't want to take the opiates, I truly don't but it's not like I can just STOP taking them in my current situation. You have me isolated, you purposefully keep me depressed, and make sure that I CANNOT MAKE ANY MONEY WHATSOEVER WITH MY ART. It's clear that you've cut communications to the outside world because I simply have gotten nowhere with my social media accounts. I should have thousands of followers by now but you people filter that shit so hardcore that nothing get's through.

So... I have nothing to fucking do but paint. I'm anxious as fuck, stressed out as fuck, depressed as fuck, and have fucking parkinsons/lewy body dementia... which kills all motivation, joy, pleasure, energy and simply makes my living fucking hell.

Just tell me what is going on. Answer my questions. Let me live in the real world. Compensate me for fucking STEALING 30 YEARS OF MY FUCKING LIFE.

and if you plan on doing that... just not know for some more than likely arbitrary-as-fuck reason...

Why not give me something to fucking do while I wait? I'm not asking for much here. Just my medications (adderall and effexor)... and a Nintendo Switch with Zelda.

>slowly wasting away, not good enough for a college degree job
>two of my only friends will be interning at a company this year and I won't hear from them for months
>i'll be stuck here rotting in the dark or end up wanting to die at a retail job again

I've never been sadder in my life

People tend to vent to me a lot. Sometimes people I don't even know well or know at all. They confide in me, too. Especially people who know me and know I keep secrets well. But some of the heavier shit people vent about is... Well, heavy.
Nam war stories, Iraq war stories, rapes, affairs, weird sex stuff, crimes I won't get into, cruel things they wish they could take back. I'm always honored they feel they can tell this to me, and I'm glad if a burden shared is a burden halved for them. It never affects how I see the person. But sometimes it's like... Goddamn, that thing was fucked up.
Kind of funny, really. I'm an aspie, you'd think I wouldn't be so high on peoples' list of confidants. People even tell me I look like a good listener. I've thought about getting into social work in the past, ha.

I have a crush on one of my close-ish friends.
Jesus it sucks being gay.
I had the chance to come out when I joined my fraternity because nobody in it gives a fuck and there's already a gay guy, but I lied and said I'm straight because I'm so scared of people changing how they act around me, and also because if I come it it means there's no going back.

My mom is deciding to throw in the towel and disregard me and my siblings feelings on our abusive as fuck dad after being away from him for 9 months and we are merging housing, once again

He touched my ass in my sleep and barged in when I was jacking off once. Like opened the door extremely fast.

He makes me uncomfortable. And does she care? Nope. She just wants it easy and pretend she wants to go back to college after 46 years of being alive and not let me or my siblings have a turn at living yet.

I hope my dad fucking kills himself. He should have when he had the chance, but no. He's too big of a fucking pussy.

Mom, you are the one with the problem here. It's not me who needs to open my arms for love for my family again. You just want this easy so you can get a nice COMFY FUCKING HOUSE AND NOT WORK WHILE WE FUCKING SUFFER. AGAIN.

I HOPE I FUCKING DIE

>>36057351
get the frick off this board

i got my first gf
i will luv her forever and ever
she's a robot as well
getting a normie gf would end badly i bet, even if it was possible

fuck u cunt ur just jealous

>>36057332
>g:ohh darren? Yeah this is our class
>l:this whole time?
>g:yeah also he kind of uses a lot of black humor
>[enter darren]
>[he is black]
>darren: yo
>l:hows it goin
>darren: wish I was fuckin dead

Realized a new feel today, after multiple times I've felt it over the months.

I'm inclined to believe I am schizoid, and have no desire for relationships nor friends nor company, as well as being apathetic with no limited emotions and all that.

However, The moments before I awaken from sleep when I am most aware in my dream. I feel the emotion of love to the girl in my dream, or a strong comradeship/friendship to the guy I'm with. It's a very short and quickly fleeting feeling that I have never felt this strongly before irl.

What could this mean?
Anyone felt a feel like this before?

>>36060381
Pay it no mind.
Its mind meme magic

My girlfriend's cousins and their mom died in a house fire this morning. They all made it within feet of the door, but the roof collapsed on top of them. She's completely torn up over it. I have no idea what to do. She gets really emotional over things like this. It will probably be months before she actually gets over this even a little and starts to be happy again.

http://www.abc15.com/news/region-west-valley/glendale/multiple-fatalities-reported-in-glendale-house-fire

On top of that, my family is doing horribly financially, and I wouldn't be surprised if we get evicted soon. We would be fine, but my dad decided he was too good for my mom, and left her about a year ago. Everything has gone downhill from there.

I know it'll get better, but damn life sucks.

>haven't spoken to m friends in weeks
>just stewing in my filthy room
This is a stupid question to ask a bunch of robots, but how do youet over a perfect relationship? Its almost been a year, and I still can't sleep right.

I realize now that I have no friends. Over the past year, I had plenty whom I could've counted on for anything. Then in the span of a year they all disappeared. Some had to move away, and I don't blame them for that. Others found their peace in someone else, and left me alone. Rage issues that had been brewing in a friend finally ended our friendship a few months ago. The two closest friends I had left decided I wasn't worth it anymore a few days ago.

I finally have no one.

But it doesn't feel as bad as I thought it would. You would think that the ending of three friendships that lasted over a decade would be devastating -- and it was for a short while. But now I feel more free. I feel free to start over from scratch. I have no relationships to fall back on, only prayers.

At least I finally found a job.

>>36057332
I want to be a filmmaker but I never have the foresight to actually plan somethinf in advance. The only thing I can do is write and I'm not even great at that.

>>36060222
I fuckin' kek'd at that nice work m8

I feel constantly unappreciated by my parents.
Whatever I do the most enthusiastic response is "ok".

>>36061001
Its all I ever wanted.

Can you tell from my post I also have directorial ooze in my heart?
Though I was only ever good at maybe minor editing and perhaps set lighting.

I have millions(hundreds) of sketches like such lying dead in my brain.

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>>36061242
I feel it, my guy. I don't even know what I'm good at. I've taken to photography and writing to help with vision, and I read all the articles I can on what to and what not to do, but I get caught on actually getting people together to organize and shoot even a one page script designed specifically to be shot in a couple hours AND with me already knowing the exact location and people I want with me. (pic related)

>At work
>Very attractive coworker that I actually have no feelings for since she's far too normie comes up to me on her way out
>Whisperers that she's pregnant
>Feel happy for her but also imagine how amazing her husband felt when he heard those words

>>36061462
Song for the end?
I want to complete what i'm seeing inmy head

I only feel like the person I'm meant to be when I've been taking my antidepressants.

My complete and utter apathy is rapidly reaching a climax. I can't even bring myself to be mad at anything anymore. Everything just kind of fucking blows.

I'm sick of college. These stupid meaningless liberal art classes are a waste of time and money. I'm getting thousands of dollars in debt so I can in all likelihood push around a mop.

Im so fucking happy. After summer break im gonna have trombone lessons with my crush. Im gonna practice for 3 hours everyday to impress him

>>36057332
My life is deconstructing into raw despair, all in the past two weeks.

I thought things were getting better,

I feel so helpless now.

>>36057332
Its good to see another content soul around here

bump

pls don't die yet

Where the fuck is this going?

Please end it, please give me answers. There is NO reason to do this shit to me. Just fucking talk to me about all of this. Tell me who I am, what I am, and why me.

I deserve to know.

I want to become a popular vidya streamer someday.

But I can't even decide on a game to stream in the short term when I'm burnt out on the thing I stream mainly.

What the fuck do I do?

>>36059229
Search emancipation and take the steps to get the fuck out.

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>>36057332
>tfw voices are really bad again
>they tell me to do awful things
>mfw i actually did it

Today I turned down my friends because I was waiting for this girl to come wait for a bus with me.She came but I doubt that she even noticed me (she's giving me happy hellos and signs usually but somedays she just stops).Just when I was about to go start a conversation her bus came and she left.
Yay I turned down my friends with weed for nothing (but a shitty feelings afterwards).

>>36057332

A friend (another robot) is using me for money and I'm too much of a sad pathetic piece of shit to say no especially because they keep taking the money I give them and using it on frivolous things.

I hate my life and hate how the only "friend" I have is using me.

>>36065773
Ditch him my dude

Females started noticing me more, what in tarnation?

>>36065904
Maybe you took a shower?

>>36065919
I shower 2 times a day.
Did someone shoot up a school or something?

>>36065903
i can't bring myself to cut it off though or say anything.

how i would rather resolve the situation is to stop talking to them as much, and let them naturally forget about me. They're a failed normie anyway.

I started talking to them recently, and we connected because i thought we were alike. No friends, lonely, depressed -- i thought we could be there for each other.

but then it turns out they're nothing more than a failed normie. They DO have friends, several, they're always going out to hang out with those friends, and the only thing they care about is normie shit like sex.

"oh my godddd, i havent had sex in weeks!" -- its fucking stupid. I started to have feelings for this person to and meanwhile they have a Tinder AND grindr account to hook up with people all the time.

just an overall bad person, and im regretting reaching out to them; but for some reason ive become emotionally reliant on them to a degree where im afraid to see them sad

i hate life

>>36066021
You know you gotta do it man, the longer you postpone it the harder it will be. Gotta rip that band-aid of now or it's gonna get dirty. Maybe drink a few to get some of that Dutch courage

I was raped and don't know how to cope. 4chan keeps asking for story details but gives no advice.

I make a month ago reunion with midschool friend (girl and nerd but live in other city) i ask her for meet with me for movie night she say yes and end up in my plac (life with grandma) drunk af we spend all night talking about stuff. Movies ended quickly and end in bed gently touching each other but not kissing (kissless not virgin) after we wake up she must fast go to (hosoital stuff). After that she texting with her all days (she write first) i feel happy because i start to love her. But about week ago (1 april) she stap sending or even reading (messanger fb) and i end up here not knowing how to forget her

>>36066239
Are you male or female?

Oreganoliolio

>>36066239
The key thing is not blaming yourself for it

i avoided a chick for about two weeks she kept nagging me about wanting a hug finally gave in
and thought well holy shit this is my chance.
So i got her number texted her and asked what she was doing said she was hanging out with her bf
deleted her number quit my job and became a neet

I demolished am exam without even studying for it today, and in the last few months I got into cycling every day, and am already dominant. I feel good

Well, I found 4chan...

I should be doing a research paper right now, it's due in twenty six hours and now is the only time I have to do it...

>>36066599
What's the research paper about?

Every step forward feels like two steps back. I always thought it was just my weight that was keeping me away from relationships, but now i realize i have an ugly face too. Even if i got to 10% bodyfat and got the body of a Chad, id still not get get women because im both brown and my face is ugly. I still try and lose the weight because id rather be muscular, but i still will never get a gf.

>be me
>skinny and on the short side. 5/10 at best
>solid 8/10 stacy that sits next to me in class tries starting a conversation with me a few times
>say some shit, keep it going for a minute before class starts
>at the end of class asks me about the next test
>talk for a brief moment, tell her I'll see her around
>leave
>look her up on social media, she's a total slut

Anyone wanna talk some sense into me, I'm probably just over thinking this whole thing, doubtful that I have a chance at fucking but who knows

>>36057332
GIVE ME A FUCKING JOB ALREADY YOU MOTHERFUCKERS FUCK ALL THESE FAGGOT INTERVIEWS FUCKING COCK SUCKING NIGGERS.

FUCK

>>36057332
I just want this semester to be over already, so I can focus on improving other areas of my life. It isn't that I don't have time to do said things, but my mind is constantly preoccupied with course work. Fuck, just one more month left of this shit, hoping my grades don't fall as a result of not being able to give a shit anymore about this term. Also, it's finally starting to become nice outside again here in the Midwest, and I want to be able to go outside an get some sun. I have a group project for a class this afternoon. I hate group projects. Fuck people.

Freeee meeeee for fuck's saaakkeeee.

have the blue knock on my door and I will follow them. Take me to get answers. I'll get the vasectomy. We can start on the transition surgeries. While I'm healing, you guys can talk to me about all of this. Who I am, why this is happening, what is going on... ect.

After that, introduce me to kitty bunny because I'm going to be so fucking stressed out and anxious I will need someone to talk to. Mayybeeee snugs if she's ok with that. It's up to her. (I totally want snugs.)

Then we can fly to LA to start my real life.

Will any of my other friends be there? Or is my old life going to be completely destroyed and severed? I'm ok with that, just wondering.

I'll keep my origin a secret. No one will ever find out.

We just need to start already... please. I'm so incredibly stressed out and anxious. I'm tired of being fucked with.

Please. I never asked for this... please stop making me suffer.

>>36057332
I wish I was a woman so I cold hold my vagina other the heads of foolish male plebs and watch them toil in anguish

I feel like I'm only back in school (former dropout) because everyone else wants me to get my diploma and not because it's what I want. I hate school. I feel dumb for not even graduating. I want to drop out again but I can't. I'm just kinda stuck mentally destroying myself while also trying to get out of depression.

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>>36057332

>want a gf
>although I am boring introvert
>deep down I know that I don't even want a gf
>She would want me to talk all the time which would be annoying
>I'm more of a quiet person

I guess I'm just trying to fit in here, probably will regret my decisions later on.
Do introverts even make good partners?

>>36067292

I even convince myself that I'm an incel although as I said, I don't really need a gf.

The sex would be pretty nice I guess, but is it worth the hassle?

jesus christ i hate this

>>36067322
What do you hate anon?

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>>36057332
I was always very timid and well mannered, but now, my submissiveness is starting to take over.
Basically every adult person can command me to do shit, if i somehow depend on them/like them.
I will do basically anything.
I would rather cut my legs off than having to watch my friends fight over stuff, just because I can't take it to see them in a bad situation.
But whenever I am in a bad mood, people just ignore it and wont do jack shit to not hurt my feelings, because honesty is so important, but every time I try to be honest, I am cut off or have to stop myself, because they can't take it.
They always say I am such an important person to them, even though they sometimes straight up forget about me or my problems.
Also, there is this girl I really like, she's a few years older than me though and we got kinda flirty exchanges going. This has been going on for a few months now, but yesterday she said that she hopes she doesn't seem to be flirty. I don't know if that is a "I am not interested in you" or not, because I know she is really awkward and might just try to hide it, but then again, it is probably just my wishful thinking.

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I'm ready to give up. I've tried to be a good person, but once it's all over I don't know where I'm going to go.

For now, here's some music:
https://youtu.be/iHHGqTAzzfI

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I hate myself. I am stuck in my room just waiting for something to happen, but I know nothing ever will. I'm socially retarded and anxious over the tiniest little problem. My grades are crashing beyond help. I spend my weekends crying in my bed seeing my normie "friends" getting drunk and having fun on their snapchat stories. The few friends I have is a memespitting 9fag mamas boy who I honestly hate and two childhood chad friends who only call me up when there is no party and all their other friends are busy.

I feel my life is stagnating. Everyone is moving but I am standing still. I used to play vidya as an escape but I cant even enjoy it anymore. This shit is just getting worse and I don't know what to do anymore.

>>36059551
Why should that anon have to?

>>36057332
Good things first: I'm getting active and actually get out of my house on my bycicle and go into town for some 3-4 hour long rides to kill boredom. This does really well, I enjoy the view and the city (even tho Im riding alone), and the fact I do my physical activity for the dad and enjoy doing so.

Now to the less good stuff: I've texted the girl I like yesterday about our last talk about 'how things wouldn't work between us and that we should be just friends'. She told and I agreed that this wont work and we can be 'friends' and no more, but worse than that she apparently hid the fact she has a boyfriend and said we should be friends back without the bullshit around it.
Well fuck you bitch this 'bullshit around it' is my fucking whims and desires, I regret I didn't get angry at her in our talk.
I guess my goal for the weekend is to kill as much brain cells as I can through drinking, so atleast I'll go to a party to do so with friends.

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im really fucking tired of therapy. every week is the same, "have your suicidal thoughts continued", "have you had strange perceptions", "have you heard voices", "have you felt watched". we have those things controlled and i thank you for it but we have to move on to other problems so i can stop being a 28 yo neet

>have oneitis for a qt coworker for months now
>she's a normie and her boyfriend is pretty much a chad
>even if she breaks up with him and I manage to maneuver into a relationship with her I've got this >>36067292 to worry about
I wish I'd never met her desu. I hadn't cared about getting a gf for years until she came along.

Thankyou for telling me I'm a boring, uninteresting sack of shit who you don't even like and isn't worth your time. The suicide I have planned week was almost put on hold when I thought we were starting to get along and I might have a shot at having a relationship for the first time in my pathetic life.
I'm going to die next week a lonely, pathetic waste of life who never even stood a chance at being somewhat normal even one time.
Fuck you for being such a cunt about it too, and if I could I'd kill you before killing myself.

It was good while it lasted. I've never been so happy as I was during the past months, and it was all thanks to you.

I don't know if I'd want us to be back together if I had the chance, but fuck, I miss you anyway,

With you, I actually was satisfied with everything, happy about life. Now, I'm back where I started, heading towards nothing with no idea about anything I'll do. Fuck, this all sounds so ridiculous and cliche, but I don't care.

Maybe someday. I'll be waiting.

.

>>36067292
ive heard from my psychologist that you dont want to have a gf thats your opposite. if you are a full blown introvert you dont want a full blown extrovert because it will cause tension in your relationship from the very start

I'm an alcoholic and I need to stop

She's the perfect girl. She's cute as hell, funny, loves history and an actual gamer girl who actually knows shit about video games. But due to circumstances I know I don't stand a chance with her. I promised her something but once I do it I'm done with her. I can't do this to myself, I know it won't go anywhere and I know what she's doing.