Just wanna not feel alone in this for a little bit. I feel like

>>36009956
I liked a girl but she ended up getting asked out by other guy who is a better person than me.

Not coping well. Drinking, depressed, ect
I really hate being alone. I feel like I'm always going to be alone

>>36009956
Try meditating, it helps with this. Just don't buy into the shitty culture surrounding it today.

Also I'm desperately trying to get my shit together and my paranoia is coming back.

>making a depression thread
>on a Palauan depression board

i miss my e-gf and i wish she'd contact me again

even if it's just to see how i am

>>36009992
That sucks. I'm sorry to hear it, anon.
>I feel like I'm always going to be alone
Same. And these days, I feel alone even when I'm with friends. It's like there's no escaping it.

>>36010006
Maybe I will. Thanks, dude. Hang in there. It's good that you're trying at least.

>tfw born attractive enough to not be an outcast
>tfw was also born autistic enough to not be a cool guy
i hate it, i just wish i could disappear but i get noticed wherever i go

>>36010006
Meditating doesn't help shit. That's for people who are well-adjusted and busy with everyday life. People who are alone all the time are in a permanent meditative state.

>>36010063
Felt the same way anon but honestly just made things worse

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>>36009956
You will Iive this life alone.

>>36009956

I'm coping by unhealthy amounts of work. It's the weekends that kill me, I work 8-12 at one place then 2-10:30, I think I need a part time job for the weekends. I'm not happy at work, but it keeps me occupied enough to think about how fucked up and worthless I am. And it exhausts me so I sleep well. It's the weekends where my mind wanders and I fucking hate it.

And you're not alone in feeling like there's no future. I can't see myself keeping this up for long but it's the only way I can escape myself.

>>36010065
What sucks is that coworkers convinced me to confess anyways.
So now I have to deal with the fact that they are tippy toeing around me and everyone knows I like her

>>36009992
if i was where you were and if i had money i'd buy you a pint and pat you on the back

if you're drinking and depressed and lonely tonight you will probably relate to this song a lot
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wy9mMnxee3E
it's one of my favourites and very good for drunken sadness. hope you feel better mane

>>36010072
Welcome to being a cyborg
It's rough

>>36010074

This. Plus meditation has also had bad effects for me. Nothing confirms the feeling that everything is empty and pointless more than emptying your mind

>>36010074
I disagree.

People who are alone, and spend a ton of time on the internet bombard themselves with all sorts of information. If you don't ever have a bit of time where you sit down and sort through it all, you adapt to this stimuli. In many cases to such an extent that you become less "you" and more what you surround yourself with.

If I can just stay busy I can avoid thinking about it. Free time is the enemy.
Too bad I'm a NEET.

I also cried for the first time in about five months yesterday. I was listening to the antlers - hospice and the last track hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm usually a stoic kind of guy so it surprised me. Highly recommended stuff.

>get lied to and betrayed a lot over the years
>grow to intensely dislike and distrust people in general
>try placing faith in a few special ones
>some of those few end up betraying me eventually
>get so bad I literally don't trust a single person
>always think people are plotting, laughing, or just secretly being mean to me
>stresses out whatever relationships I had left
>find out tonight I'm probably with Paranoid Personality Disorder

haha just kill me

Well I already accepted I have no future. I have no past or present either. It's all the same. My self is already gone so everything is gone.

What's bothering me? I'm worried. I've been planning on killing myself for a long time now, but only recently have I started to envision the process and focus on it knowing I'll be there in the future. It's actually rather impossible for me. I don't want to live, but dying is not something I can do in a natural state without the resources I need. I can't even leave my house, so what was I thinking all this time? I just kept thinking the future, the future, the future, I'm safe for now so I'll leave it to my future self. Now I'm my future self. Once again I have to ask the question, what am I going to do? It's the same answer. Future, future, future, leave it to my future self. When the time comes and my dad is dead, I will have nowhere else to turn. I will have to go outside for the first time in years. I will be homeless. I will have nothing. I will have no life skills. I will be in a place I hate with no knowledge of where anything is or how to survive. No communication skills. I'm also fat and ugly with countless mental problems, so all the more scary. If I keep leaving it to my future self and I don't die before my dad dies, I'm going to have a hard and painful time ahead. I spent my teenage years without leaving my room denying and forgetting reality, forgetting myself and swallowing the internet. I'm getting on in my 20s now and my dad collapsed on the floor yesterday. I haven't been able to deny the future, it's all I think about now. I don't want to, because I know there's nothing I can do about it. Anything I COULD do about it, I don't have the mental or physical state somebody else does that could allow them to succeed. I'm just human garbage. So no, I'm not coping. I'm just escaping. Waiting to die, not really alive. Tired. Very tired. Very alone.

>>36010074
>t. dumbass

If you experience anxiety or fear, you are not in a meditative state

>>36010063
i miss my e bf and i dont think he even thinks about me at all. its unfair, but you have to contact her first. i contacted 'my' fella with 0 reply so i deleted his number and contact to get it over with.

>>36009956
>http://www.sommerakademie.zpk.org/fileadmin/user_upload/2015/PDFs/Reading_list_by_Bassam/T.Metzinger-Ego-Tunnel.pdf

There is no "self", OP. We're all in this together. There is nothing to take seriously.

I'm at a weird place in life, one that I've described in countless threads over time. Tonight, I'm thinking about how I used to feel. All those aspirations and conceptions of the world as I knew it five, ten, or fifteen years ago. When it was taboo to hear the word "fuck" in an educational setting, or when 4chan and things like traps were novel to me. I spent years eager to finally have some money, and now that I have some, I don't care. The rush is gone. Every fragment of my former conception of the world has changed forever, and I'll never get the old one back. But I'm not sad about that. I might be sad about all the dreams I never realized. I mean, sure, I got a job. I moved out, and got into a nice college. But I never felt that in me. My head's like a puppet on a set of strings, tugged along loosely by my weak willpower and the course planned out for it from birth. I'm still breathing, but I haven't really lived in a while.

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>>36010135
didn't even know there was a term for that, i don't usually come here but im sad and drunk tonight and it seems like im not the only one feeling that way here.
mad respect for you guys, you get a bad rap but y'all are alright

>>36010262
What a shitty person you are.

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>>36010209
man that fuckin sucks, i have similar shit but instead of betrayal and lies its more negative reactions whenever id "put myself out there" as they say, and now i just want to be invisible and not have to deal with human interactions
i feel you on that being suspect of people secretly laughing at you or pretending to be your friend, that shit's rough as fuck

>>36010262
i've tried in the past
she made it clear she wanted a "fresh start" and that i'm "not her problem"

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>>36010252
>t. dumbass
I bet you're one of these guys who believes in "tulpas" and is 100% positive that meditation is some kind of magical transcendence that lets you float on carpets.

tfw I have even considered fucking a cd off craigslist just to finally have sex.
God I'm pathetic.

Was in a car crash in October that left me in the hospital for a month. Had been pretty depressed for a couple years but never told anyone about it.

Had to skip a semester of school because of injuries, now pretty much living as a recluse in my parents house. I got lucky enough that I'll be close to normal eventually but being in a wheelchair for that long and having to rely on my parents for literally everything broke me. I used to be excited to get back to normal life but now I just spend my days hating myself for fucking my life up this badly and thinking about how much happier I was and how simple life seemed even a few years ago

>>36009956
Just dropped out of uni, now just coasting on student grants until I decide to officially announce dropping out. Gonna stay comfy for a while, look for some jobs and meanwhile bartend to get some extra bucks. I get extremely jealous of my gf when I see guys snapping her, I don't know what the fuck to do. I have zero girl friends other than her, but she has some male friends. Shit sucks.

>>36010209
Cont.

>finally get a GF
>'maybe people aren't so bad, she's great and makes me happy'
>she starts hanging out with other guys I don't know about
>start to feel uneasy
>'it's just your paranoia, you can trust me'
>keeps on hanging out with them, seems like a different guy every month
>still not happy with this, uncomfortable
>eventually dump her because I was unhappy
>she immediately runs off with my (former) best friend
>they tell everyone I abused her
>I find out she was cheating on me the entire time

the worst part is that I hate how it still affects me. shitty people who I trusted a bunch of secrets with, and they betrayed me without a second thought and took advantage of my paranoia. i don't want it to affect me, but it's always in the back of my mind and all I feel is rage and inadequacy

>all the normalfag posters ITT
Go away Go away Go away Go away Go away Go away Go away Go away

>catch up in one class to fall behind in another
>the melancholic dread festers inside of me the more I neglect my responsibilities
>online shop and eat food to make myself feel better
>doesn't work
>am schizo
>hear unintelligible whispers but I can understand what they're saying
>fall back on escapism more and more
>sometimes imagine that I am the father of some girls in anime
>I just wanna die

>>36010346
explain to me using supporting evidence how this is? because i deleted them? i texted them before i did. im not 'ghosting'. its not up to me.i am pretty hurt actually, and i shouldnt be because he doesnt care.

>>36009956
Turns out, the only girl that ever liked me fucked my best friend before talking to me.
She ghosted on me for reasons, but we got pretty close.
I thought they stopped talking, but turns out they are talking again.

My heart feels like its being squeezed everytime he brings her up. I can't even be mad at him, it just depresses me when we hang out, to the point I just wanna go home and crawl in my bed.

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>>36010063
same here bro
we still talk but it's not what it used to be

>>36010215
Same exact scenario as you brother.
I would hope things work out well for you in the end, but I feel like people for us, it just doesn't end well.

I've reached the point where I feel physically I'll because of my emotions.

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>birthday in 5 days
>lost contact with all my friends around same time last year
>afraid I'm going to get a text from all the people who are ghosts to me
>everyone in my family is going to gift me shit and expect something back
>all my relatives who think I want to talk to them are going to reconcile, because "it's the best time for it" they think.
>my dumbass grandparents are going to send me 35 bucks and guilt me forever if I don't call back

Why are birthdays the worst

>mom is gettng back with dad who has made me very uncomfortable and made strange advances when we lived together.
>mom is turning into a "god saved us and our marriage" woman
>only because she has no other reason to go back to him besides "vows" made 20 years ago.
>and money
>going to move back into the same house with him.

This whole last year. Was a waste. We ran away 4 steps from him only to jump 6 back.

Fucjing god I want out

>>36010134
I know it's late, but thanks anon.

I usually listen to this song when I'm down. Makes me want to go to the moon
https://youtu.be/JJYyeFoiYH4?list=LL2cdCp8-ttbd-1K2Cv4EMPw

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>>36009956
This sounds retarded but discovering Eliza made me realize I missed out on my teen years and I'll never love a cute innocent teen. (I know she's not innocent anymore but you get the point)

>>36009956
>What's bothering you?
How bad this board is and how there's nowhere else to go. I'm so sick of coming here everyday only to see the exact same stuff over and over and over and over again. There's no variety, all this board is anymore is threads where you can post about yourself or threads about women/men/relationships, just look at this thread. /r9k/ might as well just be fucking Yik Yak at this point.

This board has changed so fucking much over the past two years alone, it's not even recognizable anymore. The worst part is that you can't even talk about this without being called a normie or told to fuck off. The people here now have some weird fucking delusion that that robot = so thirsty for a gf that you'd kill your own mom for one. The obsession with women is disgusting.