No. Nothing is going right for me and this has been a shitty year altogether. Similarly I can't admit when I'm wrong and would rather harm myself than ask for help. It's my own stupid fucking fault and I deserve to be in the situation that I'm in.
>How could you change things?
Stop browsing so much, for a start, but that's probably not going to happen. I hate myself way too much to strive towards betterment.
House sitting my parents old house, looking for a new place to live. Working as a mechanic at a mom and pop business down the street. Making minimum wage, barely making it. I originally joined the Navy but got discharged due to medical reasons. Now I'm back home trying to figure out what to do with my life.
I'm not happy at all, my dream was with the military.
I could keep trying my best and moving forward looking for success in the automotive industry.
I have been going through my whole life putting off my future by not thinking about it and now my future is here. Im out of school, 19, neet, have no idea where im going in life. I dont have a single clue how to make a long term plan. My parents like having me with them at least.
Im sort of happy because of escapism, but there is always the thought of ending it all as an alternative. Thats how i can change things, im going to do it in like 3-5 years.
Software engineering grad gearing up to be a Chad project manager.
I realised that the further away from code you get, the more money you make, for far less work. I'm not good at people skills, but hell, I couldn't code or do maths, but I still learnt it.
Something snapped in my brain when I saw PM's and procurement guys "working" four hours a day, having boozy two hour lunchs, and driving away in much nicer cars. While the code monkeys need to work their asses off at work, and study at home as well.
Describe your current situation. How did you get there?
>working slightly above minimum wage at a pharmacy >have two degrees (cultural studies and business) >no self esteem, plus social anxiety >live at home, despite being 29 >virgin, kissless, etc. >got here from a variety of shitty parenting, being picked on, and myself
Are you happy? Why or why not? >i'm not, really >i know i have to change myself in order to become happy, but i'm too lazy/i procrastinate too much to do so
how could you change things >by applying myself >can't be fucked to change it, as i've become complacent
>>24072649 >Describe your current situation. How did you get there?
Anxious. Successful on the precipice of failure. So anxious the phrase >Why or why not Disturbs me. The very words insight an unsavory introspection into emotions I don't care to drudge up. I've already almost decided seven times to not even post this. I'm not sure if i'm happy. I don't think I am. I'm just playing my role, the role the people who surround me expect me to play.
I've been wanting more than death for a year and a half now. I've wanted to be wiped from existence entirely.
I've been doing well in college, it's about to end soon. The blind locomotion that has been keeping me afloat and following the motions of the average young college student are beginning to conflict and deteriorate as fast as my state of mind.
>how could I change this?
Find someone to murder me, or get myself murdered. And hope my body is discarded with no traces. Maybe chemical disincorporation.
Some way that no one knows how I went or barely realizes as such. And never know.
>>24072649 >Describe your current situation Essentially a leech of the lowest order. Live with dad off his disability/SSI/veteran's income in a tiny apartment infested with bugs. High school drop out, never had a job, don't know how to drive, don't know anything. Also a gigantic, ugly whale. >How did you get there? A lot of factors come into play. Dads bipolar/paranoid schizophrenia and my mom's control freak personality made for a shit home. Depression from age 10-19 never dealt with. Parents hardcore conspiracy theorists that believe in illuminati blood sacrifice obama reptile memes and think mental illness is a lie, so entire family denounced communicating with me for a few years largely for my lack of spiritual belief and lack of participating in existence as a whole. Developed closeness issues from my bad family experience and getting bullied 24/7 as a child. Ate my problems away. Derealization post-suicide age 15. APD 17+. Agoraphobic lifestyle complete anxious mess. No real relationships, I lie through my teeth and put on a fake persona when talking to my only friends that is not really me due to being afraid of dealing with serious issues and talking to people about anything real. No meds, no therapy, just gave up at age 13 and been a bedridden shit-eating fly somewhere in space-time ever since. >Are you happy? I will never be happy. I think in the world there exists the components needed to bring me sufficient happiness, and they're quite simple compared to most. I don't care about anything except for music and to one day live in the wild. Somewhere where it rains a lot. >Why not? Like I said, I will never be happy. I have a nihilistic viewpoint of the world. It hasn't let up since age 11. I've been covering up my schizo psychotic episodes and burying all of my lies for years now. It's too late. >How could you change things? By deceiving the very bones of my being and becoming someone who is strong. But I am not strong, and I will never change things.
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