Just be yourself. No sardonic, sarcastic dishonest memery BS, sincere real talk only. Say whatever comes to mind. Go
It's darker than black, the anime is nothing like this webm though. He gets depressed in season 2
Man, I know and don't know what to do any more. I know what I want, how to achieve it and currently I am even going through a six month shitty internship, but the world feels like it's closing down on me with all these hypocritical movements about acceptance, not to mention the wars getting more and more convoluted making me weary of any form of government.
I feel like if I speak out about anything I will be labeled, categorized then shunned for views no matter how logically I put them, and they are not even crazy views, just such as actual equality in feminism instead of giving people privileges, and not giving women benefits without any of the consequences.
I feel disheartened being a white male in this world when I do no harm nor intend it. I believe it's impossible to be myself and still be accepted, so I'm just standing by and observing, avoiding the game that is given to me.
i have a friend who i sort of like, and they also seem to kind of like me too.
is it weird to think of the one who reveals it first is the loser and the other is the winner?
sometimes when i feel tempted to hint at it, i think "YOU WILL NOT WIN THIS. I WILL WIN YOU GOD DAMN MOTHERFUCKER."
is this odd, do any of you do this too
There have been plenty of people in my life who were kind to me, the problem is with myself.
Also global warming is as big of a problem as the Jews.
Also the holocaust did happen and it was a good thing that should happen again.
Also I think that I'm mentally ill but no one has noticed yet
Over the weekend I just kinda got hit with the realization that I don't have any friends. When you just realize that you can shut your phone off for weeks at a time, and turn it on to find 0 messages, that the only emails you ever get are class updates from your professors, and you sit by yourself at every meal. Anyone else have that? How do you cope?
I think it might have something to do with going to school out of state. Over the school year, everyone I know back home goes and parties and lives without me, so when I go back they've moved on and I'm a no body. But all my friends at uni hang out and live life without me when I'm home, so when school starts up again I'm a nobody there too. And in the end I just have a few people who tolerate me, but no one who really gives a shit or really wants to see me.
Get some self respect nigger. I'm not talking about being a sad pile of protein power, I'm talking real meta shit. Learn to think a little bit and don't try to be with girls- BE THE KIND OF GUY THAT GIRLS WANT TO BE WITH.
There was a time when the average "White male" was a powerful person. Do it again.
Sorry to hear that. I think that you should be proactive with a couple of people that you are ok with without being clingy. Just take the lead and plan a little outing. How about the Star Wars premier?
IT's not really about women, anon. I've started disregarding them some time I go. I have given up with them and have accepted myself.
I'm just living life for myself. I'm just saying I feel extremely out of place.
You don't have to have a girlfriend, it's just a good thing to have in your life.
Anyway, as long as you are living for yourself, why don't you improve on your investment so to speak? Become a Renaissance man. Learn how to play the organ and speak French, get good with the rifle and bow. Paint some and get a good physique. At least you'll have focus.
Yeah. I'm usually pretty social when I can (or I try to), the problem is keeping the friends when I'm gone. Over the summer I met a bunch of people through my job and joined a swing dancing group (less fedoras than you'd expect, btw). And already there's only three or three who still answer my texts.
I wish I was interesting
I wish interesting people were interested in me
I wish I could go with all those shitty preening liberals on their stupid enlightening trips to yurop and asia and whatever but no i get to hang out more in the midwest and its gonna get really fucking cold soon this sucks i hate being alive and waking up in the morning and not having any purpose at all, but oh well time to do homework i guess
I cannot experience another person's sentience.
Likewise other's cannot comprehend mine.
If I hurt someone I feel nothing.
If I help someone I am the same.
The only thing that matters is myself.
Anyone else know this feel?
>Anyone else have that? How do you cope?
you're on r9k, the majority of people have that. honestly, I've coping with it less and less lately. there was a point where I thought I could live with knowing I had no friends and that my life was entirely meaningless but as time has gone on I'm really starting to become depressed and stuff.
i'm 29 and haven't had a friend in like a year and a half now. i used to have 2-3 close friends that i would always hang around with, but i had to cut them out of my life for, well, reasons (too long to get into).
i haven't made any since then. i don't really care anymore. everyone's caught up in their own bullshit to care about anyone other than themselves anyway
How about meditation? Make it a routine.
Wake up, drink a glass of water, read 20 pages of a good book, and then meditate for 5 minutes. Then you can be as busy as you need to be for the rest of the day.
All of my "friends" never seem to want to do anything with me. I'm not antisocial and don't have social anxiety. I try to invite them to things but they rarely respond.
Also, fuck you Lauren you bitch. Ever since we broke up I've been an empty shell of myself. I know it's autistic to still want to get back together after what you did to me. Now I drink away my depression. That's probably why no one wants to be around me.
On a happier note I just got a promotion at work which is fucking awesome. I'm always sober at work because I love my job. I hope that in the near future I can get my life back in order.
October is such a beautiful month, but I have nobody to share it with. Seems like all my friends are getting girlfriends now and I'm constantly the odd wheel.
But you know what? I'm not ugly, I'm not awkward, maybe I'm a bit intimidating, maybe I'm a bit different, but I don't see a reason as to why I shouldn't have a girlfriend.
I feel unlucky. That's it. Everyone has that "where we met" story, but I haven't been thrust into any situations where I meet a girl that I like. I'm always out on weekends. I have a very busy social life, tons of friends, never a dull moment, but I feel incredibly lonely.
I don't know what to do. Do I wait until something happens? Do I say "fuck it" and ask someone out because I think they look cute/compatible? Sure, I see tons of girls that might look nice, but I don't know them.
I know that a lot of people are content with being on their own and watching netflix on weekends, but I'm a restless person. I need someone to be with, I hate being alone. Life just seems so linear right now. I'm going somewhere, but only in a straight line.
So, I feel lonely, I'm frustrated, not necessarily sad, I feel like I'm missing out on life. Does anyone agree with me on the "being unlucky?" Or am I making excuses and not being the best I can be?
one day you will think about this post and realize how much better things were when you wrote it. it only gets worse from here on out.
that's how i cope. a constant state of looking back to when things were better. even though it was always shit in one way or another
I grew up in a dysfunctional home, so I've been going to AcA meetings lately. I was weary of the 12 step program. Thankfully they've been accepting of non religious members.
I hope for every anon here to find an environment that's accepting of them and helps foster their growth. The belonging I'm feeling with those people right now is strong. I go there not to wallow in my sorrow, but to come to terms with it and move past it, day after day. It's a judgement free zone and nobody's trying to 'fix' each other. It's such a relief.
I think a lot of /r9k/ers would benefit from ACA meetings, they aren't just for children of alcoholics after all. Be prepared for some religious overtones, though. What I do is I think of "God" as the universe, life force or whatever, then it's not too hard to get on board with their scriptures.
Why am I alive. And why these circumstances. It's one in infinity. This probably means I'm the main character. But then again everyone else faced these odds. Yeah but I'm the only one who has sentience. I think therefore I am. They can't do that. I just want to fucking kill them, they don't know how important I am or how much better I am or how smart I am. All they do is talk about football and sex. They probably have conversations like mine alone. But I know they don't. If they were as smart as me they wouldn't live like they do. I know I'm so much better. Fucking faggots dude. They should all just die. Fuck why the fuck. Happiness isn't even the goal. Neither is god or altruism. And they know this. If I asl them the meaning they'll just say "shit I dunno man" but 30 seconds later I'll see them praying or some stupid shit. They're going to waste their lives and so am I but I know I am and they don't.
I guess I could try it but itd mean waking up earlier <>()<>
fucking quantum mechanics at 8 am is the most retarded time you could schedule that class why just fucking why
if theyd just move the entire schedule, for everyone up like 1 hour i feel like it would save EVERYONE so much pain
while were at it got any books to reccomend? i havent read anything for pleasure since like my freshman year
i absolutely adore catch22 if that helps anyone
When will something meaningful come along?
It's so cold and lonely.
I just want something nice to anchor me here.
I love watching naruto shippuden. Fuck off animefags.
I play Zelda and Meme Souls and Kingdom Hearts and other shit. I don't like what video games have become in terms of the cash-grabbiness. Used to be that expansion sets expanded a fantastic base; nowadays they are just cut content that should've been included day one. On the flip side, I understand that people have mouths to feed so of course they're going to fuck over the customer to make that green.
I want to live a simple life: wake up, make some money, buy shit, play vidya, listen to music, talk to friends, hang out with friends, go on 4chan, eat shit, go to sleep. But, the fact that I have to GO TO COLLEGE and GET A JOB pisses me off.
i don't have the constitution for suicide
Anons I'm so fucking done. I had the chance to get out of this ditch and I fucked it up. Could have fucked my ex, didn't. Now she's with my best friend. Could have passed my Exams, didn't. Could have gotten my liscense, didn't. Could have gotten that job, didn't. Everywhere I go there are missed opportunities and it feels like life is just sticking it's huge dick in my ass. I barely have any achievements and I feel like a waste if oxygen. I think I would be more useful if my body was used as fertilizer.
If I post my face then I wont be anon, so I'd rather not.
So just take my word for it. If I was ugly, I'd know it. I'm not super attractive or anything, but uglier people than me get girls that look better than the standards I have.
I occasionally feel like there are ants on me sometimes. I'll try to keep an eye out for you IRL.
Vidya doesn't bring me enjoyment anymore. It's not that I want a Misaki, I just want something to get close to that I won't have to abandon.
The current state I'm in *IS* my fault. I've no one to blame but myself.
But the thing is.
I don't want to be here anymore.
I don't want to be human anymore.
I just want to be dead.
I'd rather be hopeless than have hope. It's a feeling of uncertainty. Maybe something good will happen, maybe life will be like this forever. Every time I leave the house I get the feeling of "maybe."
I keep my mouth shut about it, IRL, and if I have to talk about politics or race or anything like that, if I really just can't avoid it, I pretend to be a left-leaning moderate.
In reality, I hate niggers, faggots, welfare even though I'm working poor, myself, I don't believe in government handouts, get your food from a church, in my shitty, tiny town, there are 87 food pantries, stop taking money out of my paycheck to pay for Laquesha's 15 bastard niglets.
Half of me wants humanity to reach salvation and reach a utopic state, while the other half of me hates people so much that I wish that everybody else had to suffer through extreme torture and die.
I wish I could get along with other people. I don't even feel human half the damn time.
I really, seriously have no idea how to "be myself". Every time I talk to people I try to emulate how they act and type. I really have no personality of my own and it scares me a bit...
Sorry to hear that man. And yeah, I'm ne to /r9k/. I've really only gone on /b/ boards, but now that I'm getting a bit more depressed (not as bad as back when I was in high school luckily, that was terrible), and from what I gathered this was the place to meet others in the samd boat
who cares about a personal identity when you can be No One?
I feel like dying and I don't think I'll ever be happy. That's actually sounds like a load of bull to me though. I just have to be patient, but then again I might get stuck as a wageslave for the rest of my life but then again I don't have to choose that life if I don't want to. Oh well be patient, this sadness is good for you.
The basis of most engineering is Euclidean geometry. In turn, that is based on a simple set of principles that cannot be proven true, but are taken as true. These are axioms.
If the axioms are different, you get a different type of mathematics. See: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyperbolic_geometry
So it's really inaccurate to say that I want to rip your throat out and shit down your neck.
I just need you to recognize that the set of values or axioms by which you govern your life are so vastly different from mine, that a statement like yours incites something beyond blinding anger - it's as if I'm earnestly attempting to talk to a rock. It's my fault for engaging a rock. Why even bother talking to rocks.
I think there are two types of people on this thread.
No. 1 The people expecting happiness to come to them. if you aren't trying or haven't tried to find happiness then why are you here? there are so many paths to it, you just need to try each one first.
No. 2 Are the people who have been trying to get happiness out of life, trying again and again but can't achieve it. No Matter what they do. THESE are the anons that need help.
If you are this number 2 I'm willing to talk.
>loving your body
>believing that everyone deserves respect
>believing that people shouldn't be punished by being made to feel ashamed for enjoying natural things like sex
>understanding the advantages you have over oppressed groups and wanting to uplift people who are at a disadvantage
Yeah you would be happier tbh
Such beautiful weather today. Wish I could have stayed outside all day but I had to study for an exam and it was too windy to have papers outside.
I wish I wasn't so alone though. I have acquaintances but nobody I feel close to. Everyone I meet is either unbearable to spend more than 10 minutes with or so boring I'd rather just be alone. It's nice to be distracted by college but weekends are awful. I spent most of the day sitting on a bench helping slugs across the sidewalk because otherwise they get stepped on and killed by fucking self-absorbed twats absorbed in their smart phone. Fuck everyone at this school.
I've been unhappy for basically as long as I can remember. It always felt like I was trying everything, but recently I've been wondering whether I even want to get better. Over the past few years I've noticed how I actively push people away, and I'm increasingly unconcerned with how isolated I have become.
People have started noticing, too, especially my parents. I used to think that I was unhappy because I've been trying to fulfill their expectations, but they've told me that they would support me even if I decided to "start over" (with my education), so I'm not sure why I still feel so stuck. To be honest, I have no idea what I want out of life.
My dad recently told me that I shouldn't be too worried about my studies and enjoy my youth and that feeling of "being invincible", but the truth is, I haven't felt like that since I was 10. It has felt for a while that I'm near the end of my life rather than at the beginning, even though I have never made concrete plans to commit suicide and don't plan to. I mean I think about it, but apparently not more (probably less) than most people here.
There you go, that's my egocentric rant.
I appear really normie and decent with social interaction irl but I spend like an hour everyday coaching myself into it. Monday I'm taking 2 girls out on a date to a casino (long story) I feel like I'm going to cry while all my friends are giving me high-fives. What the fuck did I get myself into
I'm not any nicer than the average person if I'm honest with myself. I've often wondered if everyone else has realized this.
Do any of you genuinely thing you are good people who never hurt others?
the thing is, is i cant see it working out forever
i cant see anything at all, let alone a relationship, ever working out for me or lasting for a long time. and i want that, and i dont want to fuck this friendship up just to hate eachother in the end you know?
everything seems like a waste to me because of that, i miss out on a lot of opportunities because i dont have faith in anything.
No one wants to be here.
If someone says they love life--they're masking their mistakes, indiscretions, failures and strife in order to deal with the terrible reality that is human existence.
Life is suffering, and God cares nothing for us.
>YFW the pain in the world is perpetuated by the insecurity of pained men.
>If only we couldn't feel.
Makes me wonder why something as simple and primitive as emotion can hold us back from the feats of the universe.
I took a year to try to break into the animation biz.
It hasn't worked an I'm running out of money.
I have just enough to start a new life somewhere else but if it's as hard to get a job there as it is here I don't think it would go well.
I'm so lost, and balding.
See here's the thing. I hate most people I meet, I think most women have the depth of a rain puddle, and that everyone who frequents the social justice obsessed part of tumblr with its endless reposts of Bob's Burgers and Mindy Kalig gifs should be prevented from reproducing, but I think it's fucking stupid that someone could be mistreated or denied certain rights based on their gender, sexuality, or race.
It just seems totally weird for me to talk to people I don't know without even having any reason for talking to them. I personally don't like to be bothered or talked to by strangers when they don't have anything to say that's relevant to our current situation. I think it's weird. Stranger comes up to you out of nowhere and strikes up a conversation? Naw, weird. Stranger talks to you at a concert or something? Sure, lets talk about the band. etc... you get what I'm saying.
So that's how I think I'm unlucky. Something just hasn't happened yet. There needs to be a catalyst that puts you and another person together, right?
I want to be proven wrong here. I'm trying to find some new way at looking at things.
Been writing since high school
Acting my entire life
I enjoy beta uprising stuff because seeing that angry Pepe on news sites is a whole new level of funny to me. The TPP is going to wreck everything but if it's not on TV no Americans even care.
I don't feel like I fit in with anyone anymore. Everyone I know has a relationship, I've been single for 3 years. While I've come close to a gf many times since, I back out at the last minute. I think commitment to a girl scares me since my ex fucked me up.
I have left leaning politics. My best friend is a extremist right wing xenophobe whose politics disgust me but I love him like a brother. Any community I find online that might have my politics is always too extremist leftist and are never fucking happy with anything, so I can't hang there.
What this site as a whole has become in the last 4 years or so disgusts me but coming here is so ingrained in my daily schedule after being here for 10 years that I can't stop.
Maybe I should talk to someone about my fear of commitment, but when it's brought up I just say I don't want a relationship at this point in my life when that's a flat lie.
I still have a crush on this girl lets call her T, but more than a crush, definitely in love. When she told me "I had a thing for you but I'm nervous to have a relationship" months ago, I still think about her every day. Sounds like gay shit but I would literally think about her being somewhere like the mall or something, and then I'd see her at the mall, and then she'd text me "I hope this isn't weird but I had a weird thought I'd see you at the mall today" I dated another girl just to get her off my mind and now I'm single again, and I miss T so much. fak
>TL;DR I feel like I met my soulmate but nothing will happen between us
If you're at a loss of what to say, you're not being creative enough. Bullshit about her clothes if you have to.
I'm a NEET loser and if anyone's going to be intimidated by girls, it's gonna be me.
I hate meditating because if I think for too long I remember what a loser I am and get sad.
Maybe you think you don't deserve it, or will fuck it up, so you back out. The key is to imagine how some normie will get what belongs to you.
She is a n indecisive cunt, either try hard and win or she was bullshiting you the whole time.
I'm a doctoral student, who pulled himself out of NEETdom.
Got fit, lost weight, moved away from home.
The academics in my field tell me it'll get better.
But like this guy said:
and definitely this guy
That's all I see for the future.
Isolation, and it getting worse.
>want to get closer to cousin, as I think of her as more of a little sister than a second cousin
>not sure how to do so, as I don't have a little sister
I just want to play video games and laugh about stupid shit with her more than once a week (sometimes more, if we play on animal Crossing together), and I fuck that up. Just hope that we grow closer as she grows older. She's much younger than me, so its an age thing.
(In before child rape comments stack up. I'm not a molester nor paedophile. Nor do I otherwise feel an attraction towards the kid).
>brother cut now-ex gf out of his life a month or so ago
>he's dating one of a set of twins we both know now
He's not even close to being chad tier and I don't know how he does it. Fuck, I'm three years his senior, and I haven't been with a girl, nor do I know how to get a gf.
Most people care so little about everything that they neglect ethics, morals and simple empathy in order to make money and survive.
Build on your hatred and emptiness.
I used to regularly dump art/cool pics, post most the content in hmmm threads, and other stuff. Everyone's polite and appreciative towards me in those threads.
In other threads where I mention I am trans, people are completely vile towards me, accuse me of being tumblr/reddit or that I don't know suffering.
The people I've met here are very narrow minded, short sighted, and too stupid to make sense of the world around them; like a bird flapping around inside a house even though the door was left open and it has every opportunity to leave. Robots are only kind to people who are exactly like them, and hateful towards any other type of human. Most of you are probably alone because you are awful people.
The only thing keeping me returning is boredom and depression but every week I feel less and less connected to this place. I wish I could leave soon. I feel sorry for all of you that aren't mean like I described, but are trapped here with me.
It's like I'm not even myself anymore. I just keep lying to everyone, I've lied to my best friend even. He lurks here. If he ever sees this, I'm sorry. Someone needs to kill me, I need to get run over. I shouldn't live on this earth if I can't even decipher between truth and a singular lie. Yet I keep on living for my best friend, even if he doesn't need me anymore.
He's the only reason why I haven't killed myself, and that's the most embarrassing fact about me.
I HATE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING, EVERYONE IN MY LIFE IS FUCKING RETARDED, I HATE LIVING IN THE SHITTY SMALL TEXAS TOWN!
feels good to get that out
Well, that's not quite what my point is. I know what to talk about. I have plenty of things to say. By catalyst I mean the reason for talking with that person.
I feel like if I walk up to some girl I like the look of and started talking to her, she'd just be confused, "why is this guy talking to me?" And I'd be the same way if it was her that came up to me. I'd just think it was weird.
Honestly, I find myself to be an interesting person. I have a personality of my own, I have hobbies, I have lots of life experiences. I'm not concerned about being at a loss of words.
You think a nigger child in Africa with malaria is struggling?
You think a homeless person in Detroit is struggling because he doesn't fit the bill?
You think Syrian refugees are struggling because wars have torn their country apart?
Of course, this is without the constant reminder of how insignificant we are in comparison to the universe.
In a purely economic standpoint, there is the exploited and exploiters; but, what we have to ask ourselves is:
Why would someone cause strife to another human whom they have never met?
I'm so lonely and sad, my depression is getting worse every day. I don't get help because I don't want to admit to anyone how broken I am. I put on an act when I'm around my friends because I'm irrationally afraid that if they know how many problems I have they'll just replace me.
I fit the description of typical robot i think. I wish that this place was more inclusive as I like hearing things about people much different from me.
From what you're saying it sounds like you're not calling out being trans to seek attention, but just in passing. No one should have a problem with that.
It reminds us that we're talking to other people. If i mention in passing "I'm bored and just got done cleaning my gun and have nothing to do. got any good recommendations for movies" I would like to think I wouldn't be bombarded with "FUCK YOU GO BACK TO YOUR CONTAINMENT BOARD >>>/k/ FAG" but maybe that's the state of /r9k/ today.
Thanks man, best advice I've ever gotten.
I finally decided what I want to do with my life.
I want to live in my parent's basement until they die and play video games and browse the chans for dank memes.
I'll have a bare-bones job to pay for expensiveness and live a frugal life.
I'll pirate most of my games and only pay for hardware, like the Vive or Oculus Rift.
That will cut down expenses drastically.
They don't need you to stand up for them.
The mere act of you defending them asserts the notion that you believe they're lesser creatures.
Let them burn, your perception means nothing to their livelihood.
how do i think for myself? really. at this point i feel like i'm a husk of a person that is filled with other people's personalities and stupid memes. the small part that is "me" is jaded and cynical. how the hell do i break out of this, and be an original person again?
Nobody needs a reason, why don't you try playing the game in real life before you start assuming what works or not? Even the coldest bitch will engage in polite conversation for a few sentences.
part of my justification for isolating myself is the belief that I'm invariably going to conduct relationships from the perspective of self interest, thus making them all inherently exploitative and insincere. the only way I can be sure I'm not going to hurt and use people is by removing myself from them
AWW SHIT IT'S THE BUTTHURT BRIGADE LETS SEE IT BOYS HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU GONNA TRY TO TAKE ME DOWN THIS TIME YOU DILDO MOUNTED RAINBOW CANNONS
Be comforted by the thought that at some subconcious level you are deciding which memes and people's personalities youve encapsulated. Your mind is like a blender, you just have to do the blending.
I don't have a clue on what to do with my life and have some form of social anxiety. Everyday I wake up and do nothing all day and its the same day over and over for three years now.
I can't stick to anything and I admit I give up easily. I'm probably going to kill myself in a couple of years
My cr rent relationship scares me a bit. My guy is amazing I would marry and have his children. I've never been ok with the idea of either of those things but I would with him in a heartbeat that just freaks me out a bit.
same, I feel like the guy from fight club. That seen were hes talking about all the bullshit stuff in his life.
My dysphoria was so bad that I was completely non functional (didn't do anything but lay in bed crying for hours a day)
r9k is a general board, like >>22968773
says you should be able to mention anything.
Also you have a poor understanding of what transition is.
i've been too depressed to consistently show affection for a s/o my whole life. even when i'm as attracted as can be i make every girl i get with feel unwanted. the only girl i ever truly loved became madly obsessed with me while i isolated myself from reality after she broke up with me because i was making her feel insecure and unwanted. she wound up on heroin. it's at the point where i'm too afraid i'll hurt another girl to date or fuck or anything. recently one of the prettiest girls i've ever seen who i've had a crush on since high school slept in my bed with me and i couldn't bring myself to do anything more than cuddle a little. she could have any guy she wants and she gave me a chance. now she thinks i don't want her. i do shit like this all the time. a gorgeous and smart french girl from the net wanted to meet up with me while she was in my area for school and i made excuses even tho she's wifeable. i'm absolutely pathetic
I cheated on my ex, we dated for 4 years, and I sincerely regret it
They dumped me and pretty much moved on
I'm still sexing my side though and the more we do it and the longer we stay together the more unsure I become of us
I can never forget the security my ex brought me, but I know if I hadn't cheated I would've been forever unhappy because our relationship wasn't perfect and it wasn't meant to last as long as it did
>tfw I readd my ex on Skype and silently wait for a message/call to come
I punched my wife in the face 2 days ago in a heated argument after she started slapping me. We haven't really spoken since, we're just dodging each other around the house. I can't even look her in the eyes because of how ashamed I am. Never though I was one of "those guys"
Honestly, coming to terms with who I actually am, has helped me a lot in progressing through my life.
I realized I don't need/want friends, especially after experiencing normie culture through working many different wagecuck jobs. I'd rather do anything other than get drunk, smoke weed, or gossip about dumb shit.
I realized I don't need a girlfriend, the last few I've had just made me want to be by myself. I'm happier by myself and with my dog, deciding on what I want to do.
Basically, just being an asshole and not caring about the other individuals I may affect has caused me to actually start enjoying life.
Fuck people, live only for yourself.
I secretly hope I die before I get a transplant. I'm afraid if I get my double lung transplant and live another 5 years, I'll waste them and disappoint everyone because I'm in such a deep depression and going through a major life-saving surgery might only make it worse.
I also know that if I managed to get a girlfriend, I wouldn't be any happier. I'm just using the idea to try to reaffirm some notion that my life wasn't a waste.
Well what you are essentially asking is,
Would a life's worth of experiences in a simulated world be less worth than those of the 'real' world?
I think life is more about how we deal with the experiences that we have, and learn from them to our advantage. Not necessarily from where the experiences come from.
>I'd rather do anything other than get drunk, smoke weed, or gossip about dumb shit.
What do you like to talk about?
I like to discuss controversial things, have debates really, but most people get annoyed with me for bringing up those topics because they are divisive.. My coworkers always talk about the weather or tv shows but it's so boring and shallow to me.
I do like drugs and alcohol though, but not people who have to be on something ALL the time.
Getting a girlfriend and truly falling in love with her can surprise you. Love is way better than people make it seem since the word and concept is thrown around so loosely. Real talk, you'll find that girl and you'll be much happier
I feel like liberal ideology relies on an external locus to guide patterns of morality, which is primarily regulated through the employment of ego-feeding or group ridicule. Having no internalized morality themselves, they must measure their actions publicly against their fellows, This will in turn either have the hivemind feed their vanity and reinforce the opinion, behavior, or action, or it will result in browbeating and ridicule, thereby suppressing the opinion, behavior, or action. What separates the liberal system of ethics from others is the hallmark of little to no internal shame or self-awareness, at least at the level that centrists and conservatives do, which is why they often construct their personalities around pre-existing tropes and archetypes displayed in the media, be it cinema, television, or literature. They strive to be тАЬdifferentтАЭ, but only within pre-existing parameters guiding behavior and attitude, which in itself is not an issue, except that they do not recognize and often deny the very patterns and categories that they fall into. Again, the problem of little-to-no self awareness. Anyway, I had sex for the first time in two years last night and I don't know if it was worth it.
This, apologize anon. Dont make excuses, dont say "im sorry, but you shouldnt have--" Just apologize. Express how bad you feel, how you wish you didnt do it, and how ashamed you are, and leave it at that. Dont beg for forgiveness, just open up and leave her be.
I'm real as fuck. But that makes me feel alienated from almost everyone I know.
I judge actions, not looks. Then how come people don't do the same for me?
I bite my tongue, because it's better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. Then how come everyone around me can't keep quiet about their bullshit?
I don't think of myself as entitled. I grew up not having much, and I don't expect much from life. Call me apathetic I guess. Some people tho? Enough is never enough. They get a car for their 16th birthday, I got a hug from my mom and pizza. The next year they be asking iPhones and shit, like what? Fuck your shit.
People are too obsessed with themselves now adays, man. Facebook, Twitter.. I call them "Ego Chambers." A play off of "Echo Chambers." They're just places where people can shit around and pretend that they matter to someone who also is pretending that they matter. Tumblr, even 4chan in some ways is the same way, though we just go about it differently.
I'm not a "normie" by any means, but I have a lot of acquaintances. A lot of people show me love and dap me up. Why? I ask myself that a lot. I don't identify with most people. I could pull women easy, but sex isn't what I'm worried about. It's about having a partner. Someone you can share yourself with, they can share themselves with, and you can coexist in a sort of romantic harmony, you know? I don't know any girls around here that think like me at all. Besides, Most peeps my age aren't worried about that shit , they're worried about superficial sex. My friend R met this chick A, R cheated on her with some old-ass slut, and she was pissed at first, but she forgave him. Like what? That's the first time I've ever seen a woman get cucked.
I'm in a weird place in a weird time. I myself am weird, compared to society at least. But whatever. I'll make it out, so will any of my fellow robots on here. One love.
I feel like being perpetually alone is my only option. Every time i try to reach out, i always end up cringing and overly criticizing my words and actions, even if the person i was talking to is enjoying my company. Eventually it becomes so unbearable i just break off contact and retreat into loneliness.
I hope I never have a woman that I hit. I don't think I'll have a woman, but I'd like to think that if I did I'd never hit her. I don't have it in me to paste somebody unless they're trying to hurt somebody else, especially not a dame
its all the same all the time
GO TO WORK AND SHUT UP AND DONT THINK OR ASK QUESTIONS
GO TO SCHOOL AND BE LIED TO ALL DAY
TELL ME WHAT I WANT
TELL ME I WANT A NICE CAR OR HOUSE OR MODEL BLONDE WIFE
its just bread and circus, even the man telling you that is apart of the machine. Be free but dont do this or that , or say that or think that.
You can only be free once you know your 100% fucked in this life, and there will be no revolution.
>someone is trans
>they don't know what suffering is
Say whatever you want about transgender or sexual people, but to not acknowledge that being a hard path to walk, regardless of the reasoning, is fucking retarded.
I sure am glad that I let logic rule my mind
When my life fell apart 7 years ago, I created this black thing inside myself to keep me from getting hurt ever again.
All these years later it's grown out of my control. Rather than just defend me from emotional pain, it seeks to spread my misery to everyone around me. I'm afraid of what will happen when I can't keep it in check anymore.
I do a lot of drugs to help muffle its voice. People worry I'll OD soon. it's not the good parts of me I'm trying to kill. It's the bad.
I think the word you're looking for is tumblr. Liberalism takes ethics from Rawls, and Leftism ethics has a sort of deontological bent to it but there are too many strains of leftism to generalize them under one banner; fans of Foucault will definitely think differently than Trotskyites and so on.
I'd recommend you read Rawls and Foucault if you're serious about ethics. I do agree though that the outrage culture that's dominant among social justice warriors is extremely frustrating and pathetic.
I'm a liberal because I care about the environment, the poor and the oppressed. Don't know where you're getting all this other shit from.
I feel ya, bro.
Wish I could but my internal demotivating voice is louder than silence.
> little to no internal shame or self-awareness, at least at the level that centrists and conservatives do
What is 'shame'? Anything that we deem shameful or embarrassing are based on our culture.
Take tattoos for example. Some people believe that tattoos are unprofessional at work. Why is that? Having ink on your skin doesn't impact your ability to do your job in any way. The only thing it has an impact on is having a "professional appearance" which is really just an opinion based on tradition. Traditionally, tattoos were stigmatized therefore they are unprofessional. No reason besides that.
Conservatives are mired in tradition, even if there's no good reason for it. Liberals don't have "shame" as you say because they understand that just because something is considered shamefull by tradition, doesn't necessarily make it bad. They aren't a slave to social norms.
And when I use the word liberal, I literally just mean liberal. I don't mean sjw, which I'm assuming is what you're referring to.
I don't know anymore man
I just don't know
This world is such a terrible place. There is so much suffering and misery, much more so than the pleasure and enjoyment. It's all like some kind of huge fuckwadded clusterfuck of shit that has no meaning but whatever arbitrary meaning is being assigned to things in the moment as they're happening
I swear man if there's something at the helm controlling the universe then I'd really like to meet him and have him explain to me why the fuck there's such an uneven distribution of pain in the world.
I'm not owed any explanation, I've no delusions, I merely demand and want one
I'm very unsatisfied with my life and how it has turned out, I know a few things I could have done better in the past but I don't even know if that would've helped. There's only one single situation that I can think of where it was entirely my fault. I fucked up, and it feels like the rest of my life has been one bad coincidence after another. I doubt it's true, I'm sure there's a lot of little things I could've done differently that would've added up, but it's hard to compare those to the life-shattering reality of what happened beyond my control.
I keep trying but it feels very hopeless. I can't find a job because the economy sucks in my area. I can't move because I can't afford it and I help my disabled mother with things she can't do.
I don't really want much out of life either. I want to be a husband and a father. I want to live a nice comfortable life with my wife and child/children, I want to not have to stress about paying the bills or what my next meal will be. I don't have any occupation in mind that I would LOVE to do that is realistic.
All I really want is to have someone to love and hold and be with. The few times I've been in love were the absolute best times in my life. I want someone to love me the way I love them. I know I don't really provide anything particularly unique for a girl to love me though. I'm just an average looking, moderately short, skinny white guy with no job or money currently. I'm getting older now and I fear that I'm running out of time to really have the kind of love and life I want. I know I don't truly deserve it right now, and I'm simply being selfish, but it's the only thing I want.
I feel like I'm stuck and can't move my life forward, but I'm running out of time to move it forward in the way I want to.
OP here, I feel you and it's why I made this thread. The thing is, /r9k/ denizens need more than a venting outlet to get through their problems. So I don't think the thread is such a big help, though it is nice to see some honesty for once.
I'd probably be better off leaving this place behind, it's a place for lost people and quality of interactions is low. I'd love to help others but I have to put my needs first. I pulled an all nighter watching this thread, mistake that.
If anyone here wants help to take care of their emotional wounds or find direction in life, I repeat please seek out your local ACA meetings. They're likely to be more helpful than /r9k/.
I will literally talk about anything of substantial value. Controversial or not, but honestly, the more controversial the better.
My current job right now, I started up a conversation with a fellow coworker on the destruction of Europe involving all the swarms of immigrants being flooded into the country. I wanted to know his thoughts on the topic, and I was actually completely shocked when he outright called me a racist for thinking they should stay in their own countries. This somehow lead to me having another discussion with another coworker about the topic, which then lead to us talking about single mothers and the destruction of future generations and I was verbally harassed for simply stating "I would never marry or date a single mother, or a woman with kids".
My coworkers will either talk about one of two things, girls they'd like to fuck or drinking stories. Other than that, everyone stays quiet and diddles on their phones.
It's been like this at the last few jobs I've worked at. I'm always dogged the asshole for mentioning any topic that isn't standard gossip bullshit. I'm quitting this job soon and for future jobs, just going to stick to myself and read a book.
I'm poor, I'm going to college currently, and I've been thinking about getting a part time job while studying but I'm afraid if I do that I'll get terrible grades, I'm not a brilliant student, but I reallly need money, Also I think I'm not in physical an mental conditions to have a job now, I'm sick and I'm dealing with some stress because of some personal problems.
I don't know what to do
Even a shitty meme tier response like that would've provoked more of a discussion out of that conversation, and obviously there's more to it than "stay in your own country faggot!" I'm just trying to short form so I'm not here all day typing a story..
Saying "racist" or "bigot" or whatever other buzzword you want to spew just feels like a cheap way to shut down a conversation. I'd rather someone just say they're not in the mood to talk.
I fell in love before, spent 5 years with a girl, only to have her slowly wear me down and dump me during a depression via text. I started a couple years after she dumped me and I was convinced she was the best I could do. I wish I could have that happiness I felt in that relationship again, but with someone who genuinely reciprocates it.
Unless you're willing to become my friend and travel to me to spend time with me, I don't really think it'd be worth it. I've never had friends and my social skills are bad -- I've had previous girlfriends, but no platonic friends, so I know how to have sex but don't know how to do anything outside of that.
Also, I tried to make a throwaway email and I'm not technologically apt to understand. I can only use my real email.
You just described one of my best friends to a tee. It breaks my heart because I see so much potential in him, but I can never bring myself to address it--I can't get past seeing the same hopelessness in his eyes I carry deep within my own soul. I know I would feel too guilty giving him the same advice I have myself been ignoring for all these years and dug me into the same hole as a result.
I'm sure it will work out for you one day Anon, that's the lie I keep telling myself every day just to make it to the next.
Wouldn't you rather have less shit than just staying as miserable as possible?
That's where I am. I went from being absolutely miserable to being just ok. Still kinda down a lot, but have many more good days where I don't feel hopeless. Considering I went from A to B with hard work and medication, I believe I can probably get from B to C eventually.
die or live for the smallstuff, lifes not for all of us.
If you do go just dont be any ass, dont be an hero dont jump in front of a car, do it in a way were no one else gets hurt.
You're 19, you have time to change majors.
tbqh fam I hope it gets so shit that I up and kill myself because at least that puts an end to the shit rather than just living in this shit-limbo where you go through shit 6 times a week and have an occasional moment of non-shittiness only to be thrown back into shit once more
I'm just going to vent. I wrote this all earlier but deleted it. Might as well just type it and post it. /r9k/ is probably my closest friend.
I'm still in a rut because I almost got into a relationship with a girl from /r9k/ who I respected and liked very much but it all ended so abruptly without a reason. I suspect foremost that I was cucked. I'd like to think she cut it off because it would be an LDR (although just a state over) and was afraid it wouldn't work. Maybe she didn't think we clicked as much as I did. Who knows. Regardless, it's made me really take a introspective view on myself.
One of my IRL robot friends invited me to go see Sicario with him. I had a great time. I got dressed up to look effay, styled my hair, the works, looked great, and felt very confident. It helped me take my mind off of tfw no gf for the most part.
It was fun but while I was there, but I couldn't help but toy with the idea of what if I was dating a girl and taking her to the movies and what it would be like. What would she think of me and how I acted? Would she have a great time? I liked the idea of making them feel wanted and special and (not to sound narcissistic) like the idea of having a well dressed and cute (?) guy after having been unwanted their entire lives.
I can only really relate to other robots and think I'd only be able to date a fembot but what would they think of me? I've been accused of being a normie and even called charismatic despite being a gf-less virgin. They'd be the only type of girl I'd be able to relate to, but would they like me? Are my goals too normie?
I don't like most women. I find most superficial and stupid. That girl really stood out because she had genuine talents and opinions. Even if I did like normal women, I wouldn't be able to date them. The only time where I actually interact with people aside from work is at the gym. Couple that with I'd be too intimidated of their past sexual history. Maybe that's why this is still on my mind. The girl from before was a virgin and had never been in a relationship and I respected her, so it was so perfect. I could actually talk with someone.
Last night, I really opened up about my insecurities involving sex and relationships to another femanon in a thread. An ideal quality I want in a girlfriend would for her to be a virgin like me so we could experience the next step into becoming sexually active together as opposed to alone and enjoy the sentimental awkwardness together. I would be nervous, but so would she, and we could fumble around like idiots but still have fun, giggling, being happy, silly, making jokes at our own inexperience, etc. The thought of it is just so nice.
I worry I'd belittle myself if I ever lost my v-card to a nonvirgin because I'd just imagine all her past experiences and while I experience the awkwardness of becoming sexually active, I'd be doing it completely alone with no sentiment. I'd fear I'd just echo in my head things like
>Oh, she does anal? Imagine how many times she's already done it. She probably remembers her first time doing it.
>She knows exactly what she's doing but I have no clue. Am I letting her down?
>Is she imagining someone better than me in my place?
>Look how good she is at oral sex. She must have had lots of practice before you and you don't even know how to finger her!
>Is she going to be patient with me as I learn things she's probably experienced greater than I can provide?
I've cheated on my girlfriend four times now. What concerns me is that this doesn't bother me. I thought I was in love with this girl, but everytime I meet an attractive girl or guy, I jump on it.
I don't know why. For some reason, it just doesn't bother me. I don't feel any romantic feelings towards the people I sleep with, and I still think my girl is an absolute angel who deserves the best, but I'm becoming more and more certain that she shouldn't be with me. If she found out, it would break her. If I broke up with her, she'd almost certainly hurt herself, I've helped her out of that many times.
I don't know what to do or feel. Insult me if you wish, I know what I'm doing is wrong.
I'm from Burgerstan so I don't know how it works over there, but I assume you're in the Fall of your sophomore year. What's your degree?
>Have you wasted your life at 19 if -
No. You're way too young to have wasted your life. It's virtually impossible in this day and age, which is one reason why it's so frustrating seeing kids your age think it's all over.
I'm 27 with no degree, no job, no girlfriend, and even I don't think it's all over.
I fear after a lifetime of being unwanted, I'd just be another lay for a girl as opposed to her first and she my first, something to remember our entire lives and it would really bug me and just echo in my head. Is that egotistical though? That's another question I ask myself about all of this.
She kept saying that was a bad way of looking at it and I shouldn't worry as I'd lose myself with that person and not worry about her past. I don't know whether to believe her or not. Maybe this is an entirely toxic way of thinking, but how do I even overcome this?
My first and only girlfriend asked me out but just used me as an emotional rebound from her exboyfriends who she would talk about frequently. I still remember while trying to be intimate with her and fingering her, she told me to just stop because I was so bad. I kept comparing myself to them all the time. Is my penis big enough? Am I tall enough? Am I attractive enough? I even started working out around this time because she told me how all her ex's were muscular. I once asked her what she was thinking about and she talked about a sexual experience with her and her ex.
As pathetic as it sounds, I keep secretly hoping she'd add me back on skype but I know it'll never happen. She's more than likely read my posts on here and probably thinks me more of a clingy creep to avoid than anything else. That's fine though. I'd probably think the same in her position.
My main problem after having typed all of this is not that I want to get back with her, as I'm sure I'll get her out of my mind eventually, but that these thoughts of what kind of relationships I should seek and what kind of girl I'd be happy with and how they play in on my insecurities and whether or not it's egotistical will still remain with me until I sort them out.
It's kind of a metaphysical problem to relationships if I'm using that word right.
>As pathetic as it sounds, I keep secretly hoping she'd add me back on skype but I know it'll never happen.
should have worded that better. I meant the first girl I was talking about from the board, not my first girlfriend.
someone please respond.
I can't wait to die. Nonexistence will be heaven.
I'm also fed up with captcha's bullshit.
Think of this planet as a virus, destined for failure.
>Only you can't give up
I feel your pain, caught in that limbo of knowing leaving your girl would break her. If I were you, I'd just leave her. If you know she isn't meant for you don't stick around, and know that you have to be selfish sometimes. Good luck man
I have a gf
>inb4 Ree normie
It's about to be a year and I'm a loser. She's a normie who has a job and makes a decent living. The robot traits I do have are holding me back. I guess I'm what you guys would call a failed normie or a daywalker, not quite a robot, not quite a normie. "Woe is me" bullshit attitude and failure at life makes me afraid she'll move on and find someone better. I mean I got no job, I didn't graduate high school, I spend my days on here locked in my room, and I still don't have a license which I promised her I would get this month. I'm afraid I'll let her down again since my existence has been built upon letting women down
I keep procrastinating doing my college work and my grades are falling apart.
I used to think I was the "smart nerd" stereotype but now I realize that I'm not only a weak skeleton, but also stupid, slow, low effort worker, stubborn, and socially impaired. I've been craving suicide for a while but recently the craving has gotten more intense and frequent.
That's all I got.
This is what I struggle with when talking to people. I'm more of a reserved person. I already don't talk much to begin with and the people I do see on a regular basis (family and people at my part time job) have very little in common. I always end up putting on a fake personality to fit in around people and it makes me feel like shit, but if I don't I only make things worse for myself.
just do it
that's all the advice you need for your situation
Thats what I think I'm going to do. I just want to inflict as little damage as possible. I was her first everything. It'll take me a bit to figure out how to do this.
Thank you friend.
>tfw started talking to 15 year old girl as a friend and nothing more but starting to get close to her and genuinely care about her, but know if I were to secretly "date" her I'd have to live with the shame inherently instilled in me and from others
>tfw we like all the same music and have nice conversations
>tfw would be fine having a 100% sexless relationship, not even interested in doing that tbh
>only want to cuddle her but would still feel like a pedo
>just want to be there for her
I'm 5 years older btw
I'm dreading tomorrow. I have to go to my doctor's office, so she can write me a new prescription for my meds. Should I tell her I've been taking more than what she recommended? It has been help a lot more with my depression.
Dunno what to say on the procrastination, other than "don't".
Try and seek some help on the suicide. At the very least, go hitch across the country or some shit, its what I did for 6 months when I survived my first attempt.
By accepting the fact that shit is fucked up, everything is awful, but if I try real god damn hard I can turn things around and get a decent life for myself. Of course, I don't aspire to be rich or famous or anything like that. I just want to be comfy.
Also copious amounts of media consumption. Video games, movies, tv shows, anime, and music. One of these things is literally always happening.
You should be worried. Not being worried is what will kill you. You can't afford to not give a single fuck, no one really can unless you're born with a silver spoon in your mouth. That being said, letting the worry consume you is just as bad as never caring. Both will paralyze you, both will be your downfall, you need to actually try to get results, but that also means not being afraid of what results you do get.
>tfw would be fine having a 100% sexless relationship, not even interested in doing that tbh
That's just a friendship then. Just keep hanging out with her if you enjoy hanging out with her. You don't have to be officially dating or anything like that. Don't lose the friend you have now. If you're still close in a few years then maybe go a little further.
Im fucking sick and tired of being a 25 year old kv, i want to kiss with and fuck literally any girl my age group, but im even too autistic to get ugly fatties.
Also im in love with my cousin, and get jelous every time she speaks with a guy
look at the French revolution, there country was bankrupt, there was mass class divide, many thing the same as today, but the revolution didnt start till there was a bad harvest one year, there was no bread. So they cut off the kings head. same thing in the middle east. look at Saudi Arabia in the 60's vs now, they were a lot like us back then, they were Muslim but the Muslims back then went going full crazy. But then the water dry'd up and now we have fucking ISIS and war.
>Im fucking sick and tired of being a 25 year old kv
tbqh I stopped caring after I graduated college
I'm probably never going to be intimate with a women in my life so why get angry about something that'll never change
can't be that much better than jerking off, and I don't have to kick anyone out of my house the next morning
she keeps making subtle hints and whatnot, though. Every time I just sort of ignore it or change the subject. She doesn't know I feel the same about her. I've told her several times "I just want to be friends. You're too young" etc, but it's getting harder and harder. Sometimes I just want to break down and hold her and tell her how I feel. Fug man
>You don't get anything if you don't work for it
>There's nothing wrong with improvement for the sake of it
>Get swole become fit
>Buy clothes become fashionable
>Spend money, money money money
>Don't be you, be what other people want you to be
There's a fine line between improving because it's what I want, and improving so someone will fuck me. I'm fine as is, basic as they come for a 24 year old man, I hardly offend the senses and I'm not gross or unhealthy. That more or less factors out the former, but you'd think my base form would be enough.
It just exhausting as fuck that I have to put in all this time and effort. Diet this, exercise that, jump through the social hoops like a fucking seal doing tricks for fish, don't say the wrong thing or weeks of careful social interaction goes down the fucking drain faster than you can say, "you too". All this work, making myself into something I'm not so a person I'm not even sure likes me for what I really am will give me a goddamn hug.
Fuck it's happened
I want to overcome my fear of death but whenever the idea comes up I become fully conscious of the fact that I will eventually die and feel/think nothing, and get extremely anxious and sad to the point of physical discomfort.
Because you won't have to worry about him vying for your pussyhole, and it may repel male prospects as they may assume he's your significant.
>other women will feel intimidated by his presence unless they know he's gay
yes, like are cloths and shit comes from china, the work the is border line slavery but we get cool shit like PCs and phones. Order makes Chaos, Chaos needs Order, yin yang and shit like that.
Don't you long for female companionship now and then? Sex is more than just the physical aspect of it. To me this is what hurts the most, that no woman wants to be intimate with me.
Do you have any hobbies that make you stop caring and consume time?
Anyone else here yearn for great adventure?
I know i'm depressed and i spend most of my waking hours alone on the internet, dont get along with peers, etc.
the topic has been beaten to DEATH on this board.
but I don't want to brood in my sadness, I want to fulfill my desire to conquer, travel, explore intrepidly, and come back on my shield when my short, glorious life comes to a sudden end. Video games sate some of this thirst but only by levying the desire to break away and live this grand adventure. I get progressively more and more anxious as the years go by, and I'm afraid I'll wake up one day and I wont have the youth, passion, or energy to fulfill this destiny.
I don't want to live deep into my 80s, I don't want the burden of multiple decades of petty mistakes and pent up energy to drive me to a sad, lonely death. I don't want to outlive my peers. what's the value of a human life anyways? I've always thought the best way to utilize a human life is by making the biggest impact in my years; for my life and my name to be cataloged and remembered
yo, fuck the beta uprising. let's all just quit our jobs and hike through europe in a huge group. or climb mountains and live as sherpas in nepal. or unite with /k/ to claim sealand as a sovereign nation. anything. I just want my life to be interesting, and my name to be saved in the annals of history
contd. I suppose...
I've also never been attracted to underage girls, either. So it's not like I'm going out of my way to do this. We're just really compatible people who happened to be born 5 years apart...
If neither of you can handle a platonic relationship, then I think it's best you distance yourself. It's not worth the longing for something unattainable or the risk if you did go for it.
I wish I'd never been born.
I want to die, but I don't want to see my family and few friends suffer.
I wish I'd never been born.
That way I wouldn't have hurt or disappointed anyone.
I wish I'd never been born.
I wish I had no hope.
I know what you mean anon. I try to spread the "fuck you for being white" courses out as much as I can so I don't get shit on all in the span of 6 months.
God it really does get to you after a while though. I never did any of the terrible shit we read about. I didn't put the japs in camps. I didn't slaughter the natives. I'm just a fucking guy. I don't even talk to people.
I had to sit through this islander's presentation for an hour as he told us about how the white man nuked his home and his mom has 2 types of cancer. Every once in a while, I swear he would look right at me and then show pictures of kids with radiation poisoning. at the very end he handed out papers to join a club thing. He explained how if you needed books he would get you the books, and fucking trust me, I need books. Too bad it said you could only join if you're an ethnic minority.
I feel like middle class white families have it pretty fucking bad in terms of education. We don't get discounts on tuition or that free lunch shit in secondary school. We don't qualify for those freebie scholarships. Most of the other financial aid opportunities are skewed towards minorities too.
I'm working all I can at a minimum wage job that I fucking hate just so I can put myself through fucking community college. All these stupid filler classes just soaking up my money like a dry fucking sponge and then flipping me off for being white. And for what? So I wave my useless degree at companies that need to fill ethnic quotas?
Fuck, man. I'm trying. I thought college was supposed to be fun.
Someone tells you to be yourself and just say what's on your mind and unveil your personality, no filters. So what does that mean? I guess the natural thing is to just let that voice in your head just talk, the voice that thinks things like "oh man, I'm late!" or "what should I have for lunch?" or "if this equals this, then this must equal this!" (you get the idea). In our heads, we think of that voice as "ourselves". This voice is, in essence, our "personality", right? Most of the thoughts this voice has for me are pretty simple, in-the-moment things, and doesn't really have an depth to it. It just handles what is immediately at hand, maybe helps plan things a bit and lay things out, kinda like RAM in a way. But that stuff doesn't really make up a personality, does it? I'm trying to look at this voice from a 3rd person's perspective here. If I ask myself, "who are you?", I somehow kind of feel like I'm expecting an answer back from the voice, but everytime I do, I realize that the voice I'm using to ask the question in the first place is the same one I am questioning. Then I become very self-aware for a bit, and my RAM voice returns.
I must sound crazy or like I'm tryinf to be 2deep4u, but I just trying to conceptualize what this voice is and what makes up a personality. I doubt it makes any sense, I'm just writing whatever comes to mind in the hopes someone reads this. I'm so alone, man.
that's the nature of the 'system'.
it was said earlier in this thread, exploit or be exploited
would you consider making seven figures a year to be worth it if you're just fucking the money out of another group of humans?
you've got to learn to think and act for YOU and ONLY YOU bro
tbqh fam seems like a copout excuse for sweatshop labour, I think we can do better
Occasionally I long for companionship of any form, but eventually I get over it, most people I've met have nothing in common with me and naturally we become nothing more than acquaintances. I have a lot of hobbies, which is why I'm able to live completely devoid of social relationships without killing myself, they occupy most of my time and I'm passionate about them.
I'm so used to pretending I'm someone else that I don't even know who I really am anymore.
I decided to ignore the spiritual claptrap and take a look at stories of near death experiences, (and you'd probably think me lame for this) a few videos by TestTubePlus such as "What Happens When You Die" and "What Does it Feel Like to Die" just laid it out for me: You don't really know, but dying naturally doesn't seem so bad. It seems like you go into a dreamless sleep forever.
When confronted with that as my answer instead of a Hell or Heaven or reincarnation, I internalized the fact that this is all finite and ephemeral. Then I internalized what I found to be the meaning of life that I was satisfied with. You are given at most a hundred and some odd years to be happy and do the things that you love. This is my focus. Do what makes you happy, anon. You are a wonderful person, and you deserve to be happy too. Seek that now while it may be found, and then you too can be content when you close your eyes one last time.
As of so far I've lived a life entirely devoid of note (fine childhood/decent grades) , and at this point I only know two people who consider me their friend, and I them. I also only speak to one of them once a week.
I've never had anything close to resembling a relationship, not even a "girlfriend" in elementry.
The most I've ever spoken with a girl is three sentences. To clarify, the issue is entirely with me, though I'm not sure if I'm either scared or apathetic.
The irony is that now I'm fairly decent looking, but that has it's own stable of issues. When I was 13 I was 200 pounds. Today I sit at around 140, and if physical frailty isn't bad enough I yo-yo between utter narcissism or boundless disgust.
Despite this, I am very socially adept, but it's entirely on a superficial level, I tend to keep conversations short; Maybe I'm afraid of others? I can't say.
I am afraid that I have entirely retreated from the world and the most gratification I can get is from replies on an anime image board, a fact that annoys me.
Deep down I wish I could reveal myself to somebody, but at this point I'm not brave enough.
Looking over this before I post I realize how much I use "afraid".
I am now very stable in my beliefs and philosophy and it gives me strength and calmness.
sorry for the long post, just stuff I've been thinking over for a while now
like even the good stuff comes from a dark place, and even once the good comes it will fall, like a phoenix, from the ash comes the great bird but it will die some day, over and over it goes
Honestly I care about her so much I'm willing to wait until she's older and it's socially acceptable for us to be in love. I just hope she feels the same. I really don't want her to give up. I feel like I should at least tell her how I feel so she knows, rather than leaving her in the dark.
Walking is very boring though. Actually, so is every "adventure".
Sure I want adventure, but it's just going to be boring. If it's dangerous and you get injured, it hurts, but that doesn't make it any more exciting than lower back pain.
>tfw never had a gf
>Tfw during high school, my English teacher and I clicked, we became really fond of eachother (She's mid 20's)
>would visit her classroom after school occasionally even after I moved on to the the next grade
>Tfw I got called out of class and sent to her room one day
>She told me that she was quitting soon and going to try become an author
>pretty sure she saw how visibly sad I was at this news, but she gave me her number and told me to keep in contact since I was her favorite student
> Now I am 19 in college and we still hang out and get coffee together and stuff
>I'm pretty much in love with her
>I know I'll never have the balls to ask her out, and I doubt she'd do anything with a kid like me anyways
This shit is tearing me up inside. She constantly talks about how all of the men she's been with are asshokes and how she wishes she could get with a "real man" like me, but I think she's just pulling my chain. Everytime she playfully flirts with me, I die a little. I never want to stop hanging out with her, but I'm not sure how much more of this my heart can take.
What should I do? What CAN I do?
I'm incapable of not being sarcastic.
I don't have a personality.
I really want to travel and explore different cultures. That's why I'm studying languages and going to school to become an English language teacher. My goal is to teach English in other countries and just explore and experience as much as I can while I'm there.
We just discovered reincarnation through basic philosophy.
Now that we have elucidated this notion, how does it show us what the humans are?
Through darkness brings light, but light was never--so in order to determine rationality, we'd have to understand the basic dynamics with human motives.
Humans conceive actions of good and bad to displace their preconceptions of freewill.
Freewill dictates passion, but passion predicts emotions.
Are humans emotions controlled?
Or are they contrived through demand of will or want?
I don't know how to approach the idea of relationships because of issues of insecurity and constant second guessing of my worth to a girl who has had previous sexual partners while I'm still a virgin.
It goes more into detail. I just don't know what to think.
well, I suggest you should use the good ole' "tell her how you feel method." I know, it will be hard-but if you love her you should give it a shot. Go for it!
all of your personal lives sound terrible, and you lack any self respect to change that.
i come to these threads with genuine intent to post feels, but I always leave disgusted by your pathetic mewling about not getting what you deserve
you're not entitled to anything
and nobody's gonna save you from your suffering. modern feminism has done a lot of good, but it's also displaced a GENERATION of young men with no moral guide and no role in society. and r9k is where you find the very bottom of the barrel of these type of young men
man the fuck up, figure out what you want to do FOR REAL, learn to ignore the influence of others, and work every. fucking. day.
What you need is some sort of confirmation. How about- next time you feel really sad or depressed you contact her and see how she reacts. If you mention something about being lonely it'll incite a reaction if she seriously considers you. Otherwise she'll just console you.
I'm literally doing this right now, anon. I took a semester off school and I'm leaving for Scandinavia tomorrow, staying for 2 months. And immediately after high school I took all my graduation money and moved to NYC for 3 months. It was worth it
Might not be the smartest choices in the long run, but god dammit I'm trying to enjoy my life NOW. I could die any day now and I sure as hell don't want my last days spent in my room, alone and depressed. I believe in you anon
I really miss my family. They disowned me a long time ago because I'm gay. As much as I'd like to see them again, I'm just too proud to go crawling back. It's really lonely not having anyone, and having to put on different faces for hours a day, 7 days a week.
Time to take a chance and make a stand for yourself. If she is toying you is not fair, you think you're a kid (I don┬┤t think age and maturity are link.... At all) your feelings are honest. She seems nice, but be careful her love decisions seems to be destructive... is not fair for you to suffer more, tell her truth, I don't understand women sometimes (I'm a woman) going for shitty guys, into destructive relationships... instead of realising that they have an amazing person next to them.
>OP says no memery
>right off the bat
Just because you're a self-righteous cunt, doesn't mean the rest of the world isn't in strife.
Your fascist propaganda will not deceive the many of sway and power.
Economic and sexual struggle is not even the tip of the iceberg, life itself and being is what drives men into insanity.
Yours, however, is driven by your egocentric conflagration reprimanded by your maternal negligence.
it sounds dumb but listen to some podcast, listening is the best way to learn, makes you think. it seem like you need to try and think out side the box, go out of your normal thinking to see more. listen to a podcast that word would never think of listening to.
I would only do that if she directly tells you she feels for you the way you think she does. Otherwise, if you come out and tell her how you feel she may panic and claim she doesn't feel that way (even if she does). Just try to keep the relationship as what it is for now until SHE does something. You're not leaving her in the dark if she doesn't say anything.
I like how you sort of stream of conscious write. You're not hung up on the little things others are, so your mind is free. The piece was interesting to read and philosophical; simple and original.
Maybe our brains work similarly.
I love all of you guys. I'm glad /r9k/ exists. People look at this place like a joke but I've never seen more genuine expressions of humanity than here. For everyone here you are all wonderful people, and I hope one day you discover that for yourself and live your life as happily as possible.
I second that "I'm glad [it] exists." I can say whatever and get funny replies and hear the minds of different people.The clashing of two robots arguing over the semantics of pussy is like the crashing of the waves in the ocean.
response: self-righteous cunt
that in itself speaks volumes about the attitudes of the types of people in self inflicted "strife". You use that word like anyone on /r9k/ was born in a mud hut in buttfuck gambia, but we're all relatively well off males with a lot of misdirected energy. and strawmanning it by calling the comment 'egocentric conflagration' and calling the poster a 'fascist'? thought r9k was more educated than that.
oh, and life itself doesn't drive all men into insanity;
only the weak ones
Thanks, I think it's a bit late for that. Was about eleven years ago. Eleven years without someone to hug me or tell me it's all right, or they're proud of me or they love me. Spend all day acting like whatever stereotype the client wants and I never get to show anyone the real person under it all. Sad and vulnerable and completely alone.
Anon I'm far too much of a bitch for that. In really scared that if o come clean she'll sort of just give the "You're sweet and all, but you're too young..." Speech. And that would probably destroy what we have since she's probably feel awkward around me.
I'll give it a shot next time we grab coffee because I appreciate your advice Anon, but there's like a 99% chance I'll look into her beautiful eyes and then bitch out.
Hmm, yeah I could try this. It's just that I am already at a disadvantage due to the age gap--I feel as if shoving my feelings and burdens onto her would reinforce her view of me as a child. But who knows, even I can tell she's flirting with me ( Lots of arm touching, playful tone, even rested her head on my shoulder when we went to go see fireworks at night), but that could just be her being comfortable around me. I'll see what I can do with that plan Anon.
Thank you both for your advice, I really appreciate it
My dopamine addiction is out of control. Drugs, alcohol, eating, masturbating. Meanwhile, my social anxiety is at an all-time high. I've slowly started to build a schedule around not seeing or interacting with any other human. Even people I've known for a lifetime. If I keep it up I'll be completely alone in five or so years. I can't even recognize myself from a couple years ago.
Seriously anon, just do it. Her rejection (if she rejects your feelings) will hurt more immediately, but in the long run the regret and not knowing what could have been will hurt a lot more.
You worry that you could ruin your friendship with her if you went for it, but your feelings for her are already putting a burden on it.
garunteed replies i guess
>"you're not entitled to anything"
>"i come to these threads with genuine intent to post feels, but I always leave disgusted by your pathetic mewling about not getting what you deserve"
you aren't so different you and i
>here's like a 99% chance I'll look into her beautiful eyes and then bitch out.
Awww this is so sweet
Maybe you should get back into lifting? And find another hobby you enjoy. That's what I've been doing lately... Between learning music production (I will never be famous or show any actual talent, just doing it because it's fun), lifting, and working 35 hours a week at a wageslave job, I haven't been thinking about my loneliness too much (well except before I go to sleep but what can I do about that?)
I consider myself a walking dead man and am broken inside
played some arma 2 last night, no shooting or killing, just a drive through the woodland coast while in a rainstorm, listening to somber music
that reminded me of all my misguided actions, cried for a solid minute, but was calm the entire time, it was beautiful
You're in the arguing mood, I take it.
Again, strife is not limited to economic strife. The human experience, whether you wish to experience it or not, is a vile visage of what the universe has in store for our pressing movement towards advancement.
Just because you make an argument, doesn't make you any less of a self-righteous, pompous, egocentric fascist bent on your worldly views.
The arrogance of men is the most virulent in the world, because unlike other creatures of the planet, the human is the most stupid.
>Thinking only the weak are insane
That's like assuming only the smart are rich, or the beautiful are the most happy.
The beauty about being insane, is that you don't know that you are; maybe you're so blinded by your visage of grandeur that you forgot your own place in this cosmic jungle.
I still am into lifting. That's why I would be called a normie.
I have been finding hobbies but I feel so alone and I at a loss in terms of my attitude towards relationships.
>tfw light is broken inside but I still work
because its not an advanced time, not as much a we think it is, humanity know I guess 1% of everything in the universe. we were cave men for thousands of years, wouldn't say its easy to replace the primitive with intelligence. ignorance is what keeps us tide to are primitive minds. ignorance is the darkness
I actually plan too
I'm gonna buy supplies and save up some money and then eventually leave
i'm not sure if it'll make me happy but it's better than working a minimum wage job until i'm dead
i dont know
i suppose my thesis was really just that neofeminism has displaced the modern male into a directionless form of misguided masculine energy, but i got derailed after reading all these '"what do i say to make ___ like me" or "nobody loves me, my feelings need to be catered to" or "i deserve better" types of posts.
i dont wanna sound self righteous cause i'm no better, in fact i'm probably even more misguided than these guys.
>All this work, making myself into something I'm not so a person I'm not even sure likes me for what I really am will give me a goddamn hug.
The word "entitlement" has been getting thrown around in this thread a few times. No one is entitled to give affection, just as no one should be forced to reciprocate affection.
However I can understand the frustration and sometimes humiliation that can occur when you spend a lot of time and care for someone
usually a boat load of money as well, but that goes without sayingonly for them to cut the rope ladder last second and you nearly escape the chasm of loneliness and come crashing back to rock bottom.
And should you complain, should you show your frustration, how they shall shame you. How dare you be mad you monster, you selfish human being.
Some would say cut your losses and move on, but sometimes it's difficult and it can hurt you to the point where some would prefer the dank cold floor of rock bottom over nearly touching the light of love only to fall back down time after time.
I did go back to school and get my high school equivalency. I just can't afford college, and nothing I can do around here on a GED will earn enough to keep me off the streets. Barely making money as is, anymore. Over the hill, past my prime.
Thanks for listening, though.
My name is _ and I am a _ Engineering graduate student, having first started my
involvement with the CEC through their Alternative Break program in 2010. This was just shortly after
my reinstatement as a student to UNI in тАЩ09, and at my time of returning to campus I started to engage
myself more with the student body, with all its clubs and communities. To my own experience: Salsa Loca club, Peace & Conflict International, Competitive Robotics, even just playing music [guitar] in the commons, and now today as you know participating with the Community Engagement Center.
In the course of this time I meditated on the realization that these centers of congregation strengthened
the skills and relationships of individuals, and the strengthening of everything that community and its
members touch. The strength of community is important during these increasingly difficult times, for
everyone from citizen to business and government agencies. Further difficult yet from the influence of
popular culture, where the amassing of individual wealth is commonly idolized, and the mention of
Charity is often quickly associated with a begrudging loss of wealth for тАЬthe greater goodтАЭ I know this as
I see groups such as Environment California waiting along the student foot-paths to inform students,
some may decline by perceiving it a burden, but many (who otherwise might) simply cannot afford it
with their cost of living. Money is a strong dictator in either direction.
Weed gives me anxiety and makes me hate myself, but I don't want to stop.
I seriously recommend everyone to find at least one creative or productive hobby. That means not media consumption (Internet, watching movies, tv, anime, listening to music, playing vidya, etc.).
Find something you can see improvement in.
You don't have to be great or striving for any kind of success or monetary gain from it. Just doing it for fun and seeing yourself improve will do wonders for you.
I got back into drawing about a year ago and it has done more for my depression than years of counseling or meds ever did for me.
IтАЩve come to learn that the CEC engages students in a form of charity that reaches beyond the concept
of philanthropy. It engages students in acts of charity which cannot be bought with cash, acts of charity
whose value cannot be measured in dollars. Money may purchase goods and services, but without
human hands to act in good faith upon it, money is meaningless and powerless. Money does not plant
trees. Money does not teach children. Money does not build homes: people do. To be in such a time and
place where to be without money is considered to be meaningless and powerless, charity is the bastion
we may share to weather it out.
The CEC is the catalyst for such virtues in this community here on our campus, and it sits at a critical
place among so many young and abled adults who are looking to find what to do with their lives, and
driven so much by the ways money affects their choices. The CEC can remind them that they can have a
place, and impact in the world, even if they do not have money to give. They have themselves to give,
and their lives as well as the lives of others in their communities can be enriched by taking on tasks and
These students are the mathematicians, engineers, doctors, law enforcement officers, teachers,
musicians, artists, and executives which will be stepping into the world within the decade. In this time
where there is financial hardship and fraudulence we will need people privileged to higher education to
have this virtue of giving selflessly to their communities for the virtue of charity alone, whom can truly
understand that there are only good things to be gained through giving.
This is one of the things I wish I could be a normie for.
I want to experiment with psychedelics, but don't know people or having any friends to access them. Can't order online since I live with parents.
I guess that's probably true, but I can and have gone weeks without it despite the fact that it's just sitting right there in my closet, and feel fine. The reason I keep smoking weed is because I keep thinking "oh man it's gonna be awesome this time" and I always end up disappointed and depressed. It's utter delusion but I can't stop.
Rent a mailbox.