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Anon In Equestria - Thread #1072

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PREVIOUSLY: >>25013596

IRC: irc.rizon.net #/mlp/AiE
Active list: http://pastebin.com/mVG33ERX
Master list: http://pastebin.com/xGf9RcL9
Completed Stories list: http://pastebin.com/QZ4PDe7g
Stories Sorted by Pony: http://pastebin.com/GJyQquaY

>rope's Thread Archives: http://pastebin.com/Qg2dwzq0

Add for skype: sin.aie

Collection of AiE images: https://www.dropbox.com/sh/ju8ygvv3n4fa0um/quC3vIooOq#/
>Tripfags in Equestria
Tripfags in Equestria.
>She’s trying so hard not to act embarrassed, but you can see it in her nervous expressions.
>Best to calm the poor girl down a little. She’s got enough goin’ on with her injury.
“Yeah, hey...sorry about giving off the wrong impression. I’m not some “tortured” soul and shit like you thought….but I'm still flattered you’d be nice like to me.”
>Twilight breathes out a breath in relief, exhaling all dat nasty awkwardness out.
>“Heh, yeah. I guess I was just trying to be a friend.”
>You sit on her bedside like you did moments ago.
“Well, it was still reassuring. I mean, sure nothing TRULY dramatic was going on…”
>You ruffle her mane eliciting happy giggles from her.
“...but I know who I can talk to when there is.”
>“Well, I guess it’d be me paying you back for this.” she remarks.
>You look at her with a cocked eyebrow.
“Twi. I am always in your debt. You’re the reason I’m not a homeless creature alone in an entirely different universe from his own home. Staying with you at my place is so fucking easy.”
>She looks unsurely away from you.
>“Anon, you’re too good to me. You can go to bed now if you want, you know. I’ll be fine.”
“Want me to read to you before I go to bed?”

“Night, Twi. You sleep well.” you say from the doorway.
>The lights are off, and the mare sleeps like a baby in your bed, probably getting a much healthier sleep than any drugs they put in her could do at the hospital.
>She murmurs something in her sleep, something you don’t really understand well, but you still smile at the adorable pony.
>You close the door and head out so Twilight can sleep in peace.
>....Welp. To the couch mutha fucka.
>You head on over to the couch that really needs to be replaced. Like, seriously. It’s not only breaking apart, but it’s breaking YOU apart when you lay down on it.
But I'm a namefag

Namefags in Equestria.
>Special Snowflake in Equestria
WW1 fighter ace pilot Anon
burst through the sky's of equestria after a brutal dog fight over France.

His plane is in flames and he's losing control of the plane as blood drips down unto his aviator googles. The only thing he's thinking as he's plummeting to earth is I wonder if it's tea time
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>Be Twilight Sparkle, and by golly the library has never looked cleaner!
>You’re glad you’ve got this wonderful library-tree here. It’s your true home, and nothing could ever replace it!
>You sort your books on the shelf happily as Spike naps on the cat you’ve for some reason never knew you had.
>Fuck it who cares?
>In fact, you feel so good you could just call Anon over and dance at the party!
>What party?
>You don’t know! Isn’t that great?
>You walk away and boom.
>You’re suddenly in the living room of your crystal castle of friendship.
>Because that’s where’ve you been this whole time, right?
>What? You think we’re in some dumb-shit tree?
>Lol where are we again?
>Meh, screw it.
>You use your magic horn and pick up that phone.
>You don’t even dial the numbers, it just goes to Anon!
>You hear his voice on the other line.
“Don’t you want to do the dance?” you ask your perfectly normal question that fits in this context.
>“...No, the sharks are out. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
>With that, you beam happily, the phone apparently never existing in the first place.
>Das neat-o-rooni.
>Anyways, where’d Anon go to?
>You look down at your little dragon buddy, Spike.
“Yes? What’s wrong, Spike?” you ask with no thought. He looks scared.
>“Y-you see that door?”
>You look at the door.
>“Go in it.”
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>“Y-you see that door?”
>You look at the door.
>“Go in it.”
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>A large and intimidating door is in place of the wall behind, blood red.
>You look back to Spike only to see nothing.
>As in literally nothing at all.
>In fact, everything’s a black void, surrounding you and this floating door in its blackness.
>You float, gravity no longer applying to anything.
>You panic, yelling for help, wriggling around in nothingness, only for nothing to bare witness to you.
>Then, the door opens.
>Why in the name of the sun did it have to open?
>Inside lays a room of nothing but flesh.
>Muscles, intestines, internal organs of all types compacted into this small and cramped space was obviously horrifying, and you felt an uneasiness in your stomach.
>It isn’t before long that you start screaming once the walls start to form something out of the remnants it’s made of.
>Tendrils of veins, intestines, all of the nastiest things you can think of start to press into a giant ball in the center of the room.
>Then you realize what it is.
>The more it is formed the more it resembles something close to you.
>A heart.
>It lays held by the tentacles of organs, thumping harder and harder.
>And from it’s center…
>It opens a crying eye as a cut forms as if by an invisible blade.
>Your faces palens as you then notice the cut below the eye start to open.
>The heart starts to make a weird sound from the cut, a whining murmur in a hushed mare’s voice.
>You can barely understand it.
>”Look at me.”
>You listen closer…
>”Look at me.”
>...Look at it?
>Now it says nothing.
>You just stay there floating in front of it it with fearful eyes, waiting...
>You shriek in terror as it screams again and again, out from its “mouth”, bleeding veins and gooey organs wrap around you like snakes of rotted meat.
>As you scream, you notice that your voice is gone...
>In fact, all the oxygen is gone!
>You’re gasping for any shred of air but it’s no use, you’re going to die.
>The struggle for oxyg---
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Going to bed. Here's the pastebin: http://pastebin.com/gNGpcKzD
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HAHAHAHAH. FUCK, I HATE YOU. I was totally hype

sleep well friend
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For the sake of Godzilla, calm your fucking tits, bro.
Wrong picture...again.
I need a new mouse...
You said you were going to asleep
I am now...
Morning AIE, what's on the agenda for today?
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Dedness, mostly
Waiting for the writefags to wriite and the drawfags to write, the usual
I would have named that one, "Anon introduces Pinkie to rape:"

Judge Anon introduces justice to Equestria.
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thread's ded
time to post a something i found
not sure if i should post this in the Pony TF general, but it kinda fits in both so eh

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sauce, in case anyone asks for it
That reminds me of the story where Pinkie was haunting Anon's penis.
nigga that is 2spoopy
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Welcome in AiE, son.
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In the future, if you think something might belong in the pony TF threads, just keep it there.
>I don't like thing, therefore it isn't AiE
Go die of ebolAIDS
Could you imagine Twilight trying to deal with about ten Anons who refused to talk or be civil to each other over minor differences?
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That picture is the comfiest shit, mang.
Meant for >>25075234
>Something is AiE and TF
>Keep it in TF because I don't like it
Transformation fags pls go. Your fetish a shit.
Play nice or go to your room.
I've never even been the thread. But refusing content because it doesn't play to your interests is stupid.
>Be Anon.
>Fluttershy comes for an uninvited visit
>She runs away crying.
>She should know better as you have a strict no pegasus policy when it comes to your social interactions.
You faggots are doing too much arguing and not enough writefagging.
So here's more farting twilight as an incentive to get your act together.

>You are Anon, human.
>You're at the town library because the little dragon that lives there invited you.
>He also promised food.
>Free food is something you like.
>So here you are, talking to his purple pony pet/roommate/whatever she is.
>Purple pony asks a lot of silly questions
>"Why don't you let us into your house?"
>"How could anypony possibly calculate the area under a curve?"
>"Why are you laughing?"
>Silly pony is silly, but can be tolerated if it means you can get a meal out of it.
>At least for a while.
>You eventually tune out Puple while reading this amusing novel you found.
>"Diary of Twilight Sparkle, keep out"
>You read for a while, chuckling at the misfortune of the protagonist.
>But reading takes time, and during that time your little dragon friend has finished making dinner.
>"Anon! Dinner's ready!"
>You put down your book and sit down at one of the places he set at their table
>This casserole he made has an interesting flavor, but it's not bad.
>In fact you'd go so far as to call it quite adequate.
>But then his purple pony decides to interrupt your enjoyment of this meal in a most unpleasant manner.
>You really don't understand why he puts up with it eating at the table, let alone doing this.
>But he did give you free food, so you do your best to be polite
>Even though Purple is making an alarming amount of noise
>It's as if there was a canister of gas inside there
>Being a good guest, you assist your host by opening the windows to clear the air
>And accidentally knock one of the candelabras over, still burning as it falls towards Purple
>And ignites the stream of unpleasant gas she is emitting
>Which propels the pony out the window, where she really does belong
>The little dragon apologises to you for this incident and promises Purple will behave better next time you visit
>You should bloody well hope so
>You do not say that, however, instead bidding him farewell and goodnight as you return home
>So here you are, talking to his purple pony pet/roommate/whatever she is.
I'm now imagining Twilight as Spikes sugar momma/bitch.
He just does a lot of the house work because he's bored, but horse better provide.
At least she didn't shit next to him.
The power of dragon dick.
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Thanks Obama.
>You are Obama, and you are in Equestria
>You know this because your kids love cartoons, and you LOVE your kids
>But they're not here so that's not really important
>Shit you're in some cartoon horse world
>You start walking towards the nearby town
>On the way there you catch the attention of one of the flying ponies
>You don't remember this one from the show, but it's blue
>It's now hovering above and in front of you
"Hi, I'm Barrack and I'm a bit lost at the moment. Could you help?"
>"Okay, come with me into town and maybe we can find a map"
>When you get into town all the ponies are gawking at you
>Being a skilled politician, you maintain your composure
>Until Pinkie Pie kicks you in the balls
>You fall over in pain, having just had at least one of your testicles ruptured
>All the ponies except for Pinkie look on in shock
>"Nice to meet you, Mister Human! I'm Pinkie Pie!"
>You writhe on the ground in pain some more
>"Mr Human? Why aren't you getting up?"
"So much pain."
>"Oh no I did the greeting wrong, I'm so sorry."
>"Just let me stand you back up and I'll try again"
"Oh god no, please don't"
>"Okay, please don't hate me because i did it wrong"
"Just get me to a hospital"
>Today Pinkie Pie learned not to trust everything she found in a book
Are you magic?
Do you never sleep?
You don't need sleep or a liver when you've managed to replace all your blood with whiskey.
It would be delightful.

Also more TF to piss off the faggot.
Been thinking of writing something along these lines for years.
You know, if you'd post some diaper shit we'd be even more mad. So mad that you should probably post it!
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Yeah no. Diaper has no excuse, TF at least gives us adorably mad scrunch.
Janitor Anon dump may be a bit later than 22:00 GMT, something important came up. Can't say for sure what time, but I'll dump as soon as possible: got about 4,000 words to post.

Until then, the first and second Janitor Anon pastebins are here:
(First and second respectively)

If you haven't seen these before, they're stories about an Anon who works as a janitor in Canterlot castle. He gets in various bits of mischief. They're kind of episodic in nature, so you probably won't need to have read the previous ones to read the newest one.

Sorry about the potential delay.
It's ok, take your time.
Do it fgt
Oh, ok. I don't blame you, it's not easy being trans.

>You scream, shock pulsing through you like electricity.
>Your chest races like you're about to die, and your shrill screams make even you cringe.
>Something’s shaking you!
>You stop screaming, panting in exhaust, gasping for air as if you had been in a race with Dashie.
>...Your heart slows itself as you look in front of you.
>“TWI!? Are you ok!?”
>...You say nothing.
>Anon looks terrified for you.
>His mighty hands grip your shoulders as he holds onto you like a balloon about to be blown away on a windy day.
>You stare blankly with wide eyes.
>“Twi, what happened? Are ya-”
>He doesn’t finish as you wrap your hooves around him crying.
>Anon is taken aback.
>“....bad dreams?” he ask simply.
>You sniffle meekly.
>You rub some of the tears away, and Anon strokes you soothingly as you coo into the crook of his strong neck.
>“Yeah, me too.”
>You and him lay down, hugging each other tightly.
“Stay with me tonight...please?”
>He kisses your cheek.
>“I would stay even if you asked me not to.”
>No response is needed.
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ur cute
>Be Ghost Anon
>Haunting the fuck out of Twilight Sparkle.
>Mostly because she's the one that killed you.
>Accidental vivisection your transparent ass.
>You just spent the entire day with your ghost dick in her ear.
>Too bad she can't see or hear you.
>Spike can though.
>Poor kid.
>You just spent the entire day with your ghost dick in her ear.
>Too bad she can't see or hear you.
>Spike can though.
>Poor kid.

Mi sides are now in orbit around Pluto.
>"Ahm just not sure ah like the idea 'a involvin' a stranger in... family business, Twi"
>Twilight nods
>"I understand, Applejack, but it doesn't hurt to have a little extra help, and I know Anon is reliable."
>"Ah'd have a' easier time believin' ya if'n he weren't already running late. How d'ya even know him?"
>Twilight hesitates
>"He's a janitor up at the castle. And I'm sure he has a perfectly good reason for running late. Believe me, he's worth having on your side if things go south."
>Applejack grudgingly nods
>"I guess Ahm fine with it, if ya really think we need him."
>Twilight nods, giving her friend a smile
>"I promise you won't regret it."
>You're Janitor Anon, and you're running late.
>You have a perfectly good reason, though.
>6:30 was far too early to get up.
>You'd woken at six, groaned and added half an hour to you alarm before going back to sleep.
>Then you'd added another hour.
>Then another ten minutes.
>Giving up your weekend to help one of Twilight's friends was already enough of a sacrifice, and you sure as hell weren't missing your beauty sleep to do it.
>Of course, when Twilight first asked you to help, you'd just laughed her off
>Then she'd begged, pleaded and eventually offered to pay you a month's worth of wages for helping. That had caught your attention.
>After she told you exactly what you'd be doing, you were completely sold.
>Her friend was a cowgirl, and apparently her family owned a ranch or something out in the Pony Wild West.
>They were having bandit problems, and Twilight was going to help her deal with it. You've got no idea why she wanted you along, but you'll be surprised if you don't make her regret it
>You were packed several days in advance, after a few trips to the fancy dress store.
>If you were going to be spending the weekend in the Pony Wild West, you were going to be spending it in a cowboy outfit.
>And speak in a cowboy accent the whole time.
>Not that you had any real experience with that. Really, though. How hard could it be?
>You finally wake, aware you're running late. With that in mind, you make all haste to get to the train station.
>After your bath, that is. And obviously you weren't going to skip breakfast, even if it was already almost eleven.
>And it's not like you couldn't stop off at that amazing ice cream shop on the way to the station.
>Well, it wasn't technically on the way. More on the other side of town really, but you didn't mind the walk.
>And then there'd been that street performance with the juggling, and you hadn't wanted to go until it was over.
>And then... well, by the time you'd finished your late lunch and arrived at the station, it was almost two.
>Twilight stands with the cowgirl pony, and they both look a little annoyed about something.
>That quickly changes to a look of uncertainty as they spot your outfit
>Your spurs jingle-jangle as you approach, your ten gallon perched on your leather-chap wearing, cowboy head
>Twilight opens her mouth, probably to sass you, but you don't give her the chance
"BOY HOWDY, if'n taint ole Twily Sp'kle an a fella cow...folk suchlike'n as mah self."
>They stare at you, in awe of your mastery of cowboy language
>You hold out a hand to the cowgirl pony who takes it uncertainly
"Ole Cowpoke Anon's wha' they call me in around these here 'n parts"
>You aggressively pump the mare's hoof
"Gee howdy 'n boy... whizz. If'n taint ta cowgirliest name this side ah tha..."
>You falter slightly, not quite sure how to end that sentence
"... Grand Canyon."
>You release Applejack's hoof, and her and Twilight just stare at you in what you can only assume is awe
>Time to seal the deal
>You sweep off your ten gallon hat, and lean in close to the mares
>You yell in their faces, and they jump about a foot in the air at the sudden outburst
>Stifling a laugh, you make a note to keep suddenly yelling 'yee haw' at them without warning
>A whistle blows, and the train at the platform begins to pull away
"Well, if'n y'all's dun lolligagging, I reck'n we got ah train to catch"
>They begin to protest as you herd them onto the train
"...YEE HAW!"
>That silences them, and you get on the train just as it leaves the station
>Soon you'll be in the Pony Wild West, and that's when your real adventure begins...

>Soon, you're in the Crystal Empire.
>The train you got on in such a hurry was actually going completely the wrong direction.
>Makes sense, really. You'd arrived at the station about five hours late.
>It's not like you can just jump on a random train at a station and just assume it's going the right way.
>While you're not bothered by your mistake, the two ponies don't take it too well.
>The three of you sat in silence all the way to the Empire, apart from the occasional 'Yee Haw' from you, with Applejack staring daggers at you and Twilight alternatively
>It's the same when you get on a train going the right way, an hour later.
>You don't mind the silence. Instead, you try to time your Yee Haws for maximum devastation.
>A minute a particularly aggressive outburst, a mare pokes her head into your compartment
>"Do you mind? I have two foals trying to sleep next to that racket."
>You smile at her apologetically
"Sorry to disturb you ma'am."
>You point at Applejack
"My companion here likes to pretend to be a cowgirl. Isn't that right, Applejack?"
>Applejack sputters indignantly
>"Wha' in tha hay're ya talkin' about, ya vermin!?"
>You nod, and smile sympathetically at the mare from he other compartment
"She's... not quite right, I'm afraid. The doctors say it's autism, but she'll always be my adoptive sister, and I'll always love her. I can try to keep her down, but..."
>The mare quickly backtracks
>"No, no... I'm sorry, I didn't realise-"
>"Ah wasn't shoutin'!" Applejack bellows
>The mare smiles at her kindly
>"Oh, of course you weren't, dear. Are you going to Appleoosa for a cowgirl adventure?"
>Applejack takes a second before answering
>"Ahm goin' ta help ma kin protect their homestead from a group a murderous bandits!"
>"Oh my, that sounds fun!"
>Applejack just stares at her in mute horror, the full implications of what's going on sinking in
"Thank you for being so kind. Not everyone's that understanding."
>The mare shakes her head
>"Honestly, it's no problem."
>You look across to Twilight, her face scrunched up tight
>For a second, you think she's about to go apeshit
>Then she catches your eye, and you realise she's holding back tears of laughter
>The kind stranger gives another friendly smile to Applejack
>"Hope you have a rootin' tootin' good time, dear!"
>You give the mare a grin, and she turns to leave
>Applejack fixes you with her burning gaze, and slowly raises a shaking hood to point at the leaving mare
>Her mouth opens, no doubt to give you what for
>The leaving mare jumps a little, and turns to see Applejack sat there, pointing at her with her mouth wide open
>Twilight quickly levitates a book up to her face
>The mare beams at Applejack, and gives her a goodbye wave
>"Yee haw."
>The mare leaves, and a heavy silence hangs over the compartment
>A snicker breaks the quiet
>Behind her book, Twilight's whole body is shuddering
>Maybe you broke her
>You try not to laugh as Twilight does the same
>Applejack narrows her eyes, turning her attention to Twilight
>The Princess of friendship slowly lowers her book, tears streaming down her face
>She comes face to face with Applejack, and instantly breaks down in peals of laughter
>Twilight sets you off and soon the two of you are breathless with laughter
>Applejack took your joke surprisingly well
>Which is to say she didn't beat you to death and use your skin as a gruesome yet tasteful rug
>While she didn't laugh per se, she apparently did see the funny side of it
>The whole setting-her-up-to-look-like-a-retard thing broke the ice, and soon her and Twilight are chatting amicably
>So what do a princess and a cowgirl talk about?
>Apparently a load of mundane shit
>It's hard to even stay awake through it
>It's all talk about a load of their friends, who you don't know and never really want to. Unless they're cowboys, astronauts, elite commandos, private investigators, career criminals or perhaps janitors.
>Twilight at least tries to involve you occasionally, and Applejack's warming to you, though she's still a touch frosty
>By now the train's entering the Pony Wild West
>You stand
"I'm going outside for a smoke."
>Twilight nods, but Applejack just cocks her head
>"We're on a train, Anon. There ain't no outside."
>You point at the window
"Checkmate, cowgirl."
>You hope she knows what checkmate means
>"Ah mean they ain't gonna let ya go outside."
"A cowboy goes where he wants, Applejack."
>She just rolls her eyes and gets back to her chat with Twilight
>You make your way to the back of the train, and find a little balcony thing behind a door with "Authorised Personnel Only" written on it
>Another sign says "Do not open when train in motion"
>You open the door
"Checkmate, door."
>You guess 'Checkmate' is a thing you're doing now
>Huh, you should get a catchphrase.
>You stand on the back of the train and light your last cigarette
"Checkmate, cigarette."
>Hmm. You're not sold on it yet
>The view's nice, especially with the warm air blowing past
>After this, no more cigarette for the weekend. You got a load of cheap cigars, to be more like a real cowboy.
>You're just standing there, minding your own business, when you spot a pair of pegasi flying toward the train
>As they get closer, you can make out their outfits. Bandits, complete with hat and red bandanas
>Huh. Maybe you should run back to Twilight and Applejack to warn them.
>You take a drag on your cigarette
>Instead, you watch the pegasi get closer with feigned indifference
>They sweep in low, landing either side of you on the back of the train
>You stay leaned on the handrail, paying them no mind
>"This is a robbery! The Coltons are taking this train!"
>You glance over your shoulder at the stallion who spoke. He's holding a revolver, and has a bandoleer
>He squints at you, waiting for a reaction
>Turning your attention back to the view, you rub at your nose
>Behind you, the two ponies stand in silence for a moment
>The other one, a mare, speaks up
>"We're robbing the train... /this/ train. We're bandits."
>You don't even look over your shoulder this time, just wave a hand vaguely
"Yeah, your friend said."
>Another moment passes
>"Aren't you the guard?"
>They thought you were a guard for the train?
>Maybe you're alright at this cowboy shtick after all
>The stallion cocks his head
>"Why are you dressed like, then?"
"It's the Wild West. Why are /you/ dressed like that?"
>"We're bandits! Bandits always dress like this!"
"I mean, what's with the bandanas? It's not like your faces are your most distinguishing feature."
>"It's to hide our identity!"
>The stallion's getting pretty riled up
"No shit? And what if someone thinks to look at your cutie mark? Or if they recognise your mane and coat colour?"
>The pony opens his mouth to argue
"Checkmate, bandit."
>You take another leisurely drag of your cigarette
>Checkmate's growing on you.
>The stallion thinks for a second, but the mare starts up before you can enjoy the peace
>"If you're not the guard, then what are you?"
>The mare looks uncertain
>"This train has a janitor?"
"Maybe, why are you asking me?"
>"Aren't you the train's janitor?"
>You shake your head
"I'm the castle janitor."
>"What castle?!"
"No, Canterlot Castle."
>She stomps a hoof in frustration, and the stallion speaks up again
>"Maybe ponies are so scared by our bandit masks, they don't pay attention to everything else?"
>You shrug
"Sure, whatever. Look, did you jump on this train to discuss your fashion choices and where I work, or were you going to do a robbery?"
>The stallion perks up a bit
>"Oh, right, the robbery. If you're not be guard, then we'd best-"
>His other half grabs him
>"Team huddle."
>You assume it's his other half, and that they're some kind of outlaw couple
>Or maybe she's his sister...
>Eh, no reason she can't be both. This is the Wild West after all.
>They wrap their hooves around each other and lean in close. You listen in on their hushed conversation, which is a lot louder than they think
>The mare is halfway through whispering something
>"... from Canterlot castle? You believe that?"
>"He said he was... why would he lie?"
>"So what do you think we'll find when we rush into that carriage?"
>The stallion thinks. He looks distinctly uncomfortable doing it
>"Nope. Try a train full of Feds, ready to take us down."
>The stallion gasps dramatically
>"Take us down where?"
>She ignores his question
>"It's obvious. I mean, look at him! Who dresses like that?"
"Cowboys do!"
>She shoots you a dirty look
>Not the good kind of dirty, either
>"He's got fed written all over him."
>The stallion thinks again
>"...I guess. So what do we do?"
>Godamn, you ain't no fed
"I'm not a fed! I'm a janitor at Canterlot castle, who's visiting Appleoosa as a favour to Princess Twilight Sparkle, who's on the train now."
>The pair stare at you for a second
>"Fed," they say in unison before returning to their huddle
>"We should just bail, get a head start on them. Tell the others, grab the gold and run."
>That was probably something you should care about
>Cowboys liked gold, right?
>No, that was pirates. You think...
>Both, maybe?
>"Should we shoot him first? To slow down the others?"
>You take a drag on your cigarette
>Getting shot doesn't sound like something you particularly want to do.
>Probably time to do something.
>You grin at them, and they both stop talking, scrutinising you warily
>"What're you smiling at, G-man?"
>You shrug, still smirking
"Oh, nothing... it's just that, well..."
>You snap your gaze up and above them, through the door into the train carriage
>The mare's eyes widen before you even finish, and she tightens her team huddle grip, jerking the stallion of his feet
>She throws herself off the train, dragging her partner with her
>Nice. You were really just hoping they'd fly off, but this is much better.
>You casually watch the pair kick up dust as they roll along the ground by the train tracks
>That was some impressive reflexes from the mare. You probably could have just screamed gibberish and she would have jumped.
>Within a minute, they've got their bearing and flown off as fast as they can
>You flick what's left of your cigarette over the handrail and head back into the train
>Twilight smiles at you
>"Good smoke?"
>You shrug
>It's not long after that that you arrive in Appleloosa.
>As Twilight and Applejack discuss where to go next, you open up your luggage and begin rummaging
>You pull out a pair of holsters, and two great big revolvers
>Twilight gasps when she sees them
>"Anon, where did you get those?!"
"Found 'em."
>The costume store where you'd gotten your Wild West outfits didn't have any convincing ones, and you'd really wanted to sell yourself as an authentic cowboy.
>So you broke into a police station and ransacked the evidence room.
>It was fine though, you left an IOU.
>Applejack gives a whistle
>"Maybe bringin' ya along won't be as pointless as ah thought."
>She smirks at Twilight
>"Reckon Anon got the right idea. These varmint need a dozen slugs, none 'o this 'diplomacy' nonsense."
"Only brought blanks."
>Applejack's smug grin falters
>You slip your holster on
>"Ya only brought blanks? Why!?"
>Jesus, Applejack's cold. You thought ponies were all against violence. Or just incredibly inept at it, at least
"Why didn't I bring real bullets? One: I don't want to shoot anyone..."
>You hesitate
"... anyone in Equestria, at least."
>Twilight frowns in puzzlement
>"What do you mean 'in-"
>You press on
"B: I have zero gun training. Do you have any idea how stupid it would be to run around waving a pair of loaded guns around without knowing what the hell I was doing?"
>"Ah thought-"
>"It would be irresponsible, I mean I have awful judgement, see?"
>You draw a gun and point it at her. She jerks away tries to sidestep your aim
"Does this seem like the kind of thing someone with good judgement does?"
>"N-no, Anon, it-"
"No. Me having real bullets is an awful idea."
>You holster your gun and continue with the most compelling reason
"And, most importantly, gamma: Celesia confiscated the bullets and gave me these instead."
>The breaking in and ransacking of the evidence room had gone fine for about five minutes, until someone poked their head in to see what all the ruckus was.
>Trying to explain to a police officer why you're standing in a secure evidence room, stuffing a pair of guns and some boxes of ammo into a big sack is difficult at the best of times.
>It's even harder when you're dressed in a burglar outfit.
>And drunk.
>Hey, the costume shop was having a sale and it's not like Anon's ever going to miss a bargain...
>Or happy hour on the way to breaking into a police station
>Really, it reflects poorly on the Canterlot constabulary that you got as far as you did.
>Thankfully, you'd managed to get a message to Celestia who'd pulled some strings
>You realise Twilight and Applejack are staring at you
>Did one of them just say something? You weren't paying attention
>"Twilight asked ya a question, Anon."
>You nod
"Yes, I'm sure she did."
>Now that you've got your guns out, you finally take a look around Appleoosa, the opressive sun beating down on you like a cop beating down a jaywalking black guy
>It looks like you were expecting; chokingly dusty high street, faded store fronts, all kinds of ponies wandering around, a big saloon on a street corner. A classic Western town.
>It's a little disappointing.
>There's no bandits having a tense stand-off in the street, no one being thrown through windows. The ponies wandering around are only kinda dressed like cowboys and there is neither old rag time piano music nor prostitutes coming from the saloon
>Not even a single 'Yee Haw'
>You rub your chin, wistfully
>Twilight's still looking at you expectantly, waiting for an answer to whatever she asked while you were expositioning to yourself
"I'd give this town 0.3 Wilds out of a possible 'Wild Wild'."
>She looks at you like you've just grown another head
"It's really more of a Mild West, you know?"
>"Anon, I was asking you-"
"I know, I shouldn't judge a book by its cover and all that, but... well, it's like if Disney World did the Wild Wild West, PG friendly, you know?"
>Twilight's face is deadpan, unfazed by your rant
"Is a shoot out really so much to ask for? Maybe even a snake oil salesman, just give me /something/ to work with."
>You stop, and a second passes
>"You done?"
"Needs more whores, too, another thing it has in common with Disney World."
>That about sums it all up
"I'm done."
>"Anon, I was asking if you wanted to get something to eat before we head off for the Apple's ranch."
>You laugh
"Eat!? I'm going to the saloon. There has to be at least one wild wild cowboy in this w town."
>Twilight just shakes her head, and Applejack shoulders her luggage
"W town... get it? W is 0.3 of a 'Wild'"
>It's really a 0.25 of a wild, but you're sure Applejack is innumerate and Twilight probably doesn't care enough to correct you
>Before they can say anything, you stick your thumbs in your belt and mosey off, heading for the saloon.
>The least you can do is get drunk and bring a little good old fashioned Anon wildness to this town.
>You enter the saloon and are unpleasantly surprised to find it mostly empty, with only a dozen ponies peacefully drinking
>Where's the fightan?
>You sidle up to the bar and order a whiskey
>That's a cowboy drink, right?
>Or is that a pirate thing?
>No, pirates are rum.
>Before you get the chance to down it, an elderly stallion walks up to you, his mane flecked with grey
>"Welcome to Appleoose, friend."
>You ignore him, and knock back your whiskey
>Getting hit on by old stallions isn't your idea of a good time.
>You need at least another couple of drinks before you'd enjoy that
>"Whew, you ain't half got a mean streak."
>Apparently ignoring him and enjoying your drink makes you a badass
>"Reckon you got a few stories to tell, stranger."
>You nod
"This'um cowboy's got a whole lotta stories ta tell... if'n ya buy me a drink."
>The stranger laughs, but he orders you another drink
>Your accent can't be that bad if a genuine cowboy bought it
>Now you just need a story to tell.
>A cowboy story.
>Can you summarise Red Dead Redemption in five minutes?
>Christ, all you can remember from that game is getting the shit shot out of you at the end, and the zombie expansion pack.
> They're hardly the kind of stories you can steal for your own
>Desperately, you cast your mind back through every form of media you can think of for a quick Western story.
>There's a free drink riding on this
>Like a bolt from the blue, inspiration strikes
>You clear your throat, and begin
"To the town of Agua Frida rode a stranger one fine day..."

"... but he made one fatal slip, when he tried to match the ranger with the big iron on his hip."
>By now, the dozen ponies that were here originally are around you, listening carefully to your story
>Plus another dozen have wandered in since you started, joining the crowd halfway through
>One of the new joiners interjects, having obviously missed the first part of the story
>"Big iron on his hip?"
>"Big iron on his hip." Another pony confirms
>You nod sagely
"Big iron on his hip."
>The small crowd falls into an awed silence, and you take the opportunity to finish your drink
>A pony pipes up
>"This stranger... you're not telling a story about yourself, are you?"
>You shrug, and gesture at your guns
"I'm not saying I am, but I do have a big iron on my hip..."
>An excited murmur runs through the crowd
"I've got plenty more stories like that... if there's more drink to be had"
>For a split second second, the ponies stand in silence
>"I wanna hear more! Get me two whiskies!"
>You grin.
That's it for tonight. I'll be back (probably on Tuesday) with another dump.

Most of this was written on an iPod on my commute, so I'm sure there are plenty of spelling or formatting mistakes. I'd be much obliged if anyone could point out any particularly egregious ones, and I'll correct them when I put this in a pastebin. I'm too tired to create the pastebin right now, and I won't get a chance until the weekend so I'll post a link to it when it's up.

Criticism is greatly appreciated, about any aspect of the story. Hope you enjoyed it.
Writing's good, Anon is just the right amount of ass, and the plot's moving along at a reasonable pace. Everything checks out.
You could paint a barn with the field of periods that are conspicuously missing from many of your sentences, but in this format it doesn't really impact anything that much.

Gonna list a few error type things I noticed since you asked so nicely:
They're so miniscule I hardly noticed them... But you /did/ ask.

"Why are you dressed like, then?"
I believe there's supposed to be a pronoun here, like: it, or one. However it could be an accent thing.

> They're hardly the kind of stories you can steal for your own
Just an unnecessary space in the front of the sentence.

>"Welcome to Appleoose, friend."
Appleoosa? Again, possible accent thing.

"Eat!? I'm going to the saloon. There has to be at least one wild wild cowboy in this w town."
VERY minor complaint, you explained the 'w town' thing in the next two sentences, but a pair of apostrophes or a capital letter would have done the trick here.

Very nice over-all, if this isn't the first part of the series I will definitely go back and read the beginning.
I'm not fond of letter or number grades, so here's this instead:
You did a good.
>Good morning.
>You know who I am?
>I am the stray line of thought, the one you have when you’re awake, and don’t even know it.
>I’m that thought that wakes you up slowly, steadily, and remain forgotten when the rest of you starts to catch up.
>Which is now.
>Welp, time to get and up have breakfast.
>You’re pretty hungry this morning, and you’ll be busy like usual.
>Or in other words….
>Time to get up and do some things!
>It should be like most days, you know, busy as ever, filled with sorting books, writing documents, messaging your royal friends, and--!
>Your eyelids rise up like curtains presenting a stage in a theater.
>All thoughts that snapped you awake drown as you remember.
>Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, youngest pony to transcend into royalty, and one of the smartest ponies in the world.
>And you’re sucking on Anon’s ear.
>You stop realizing this, the tip of the ear in your mouth, and feel a certain heat on your face.
>....You start to suck more as you don’t want to him to wake at the difference of pattern, but slowly decrease the pace til you can stop.
>Then you do.
>You just sucked Anon’s ear-tip so he didn’t wake up to find out you were sucking on his ear.
>Paradox much?
>Instead of books, books, and more books, you get a sore and broken body andsucking on your friend’s ear and having to slowly stop sucking it so he didn’t wake up.
>Welcome to princesshood, Twilight...
>Now you’re pretty freaked out about sucking your host’s ear in your sleep, but not that much...
>You’re not jumping at this because dammit by the sun you’re mature, and you’re pretty awake already so you can handle this.
>You blush, sure, and your face is as red as a firetruck, and internally you’re flipping out…
>At least he doesn’t know ye-
>“Mornin’ Twi.”
>Fuck everything.
meant for >>25083625
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“Uh….how long have you been awake?”
>He yawns gently.
>You were expecting it to be loud and brutish, but it’s not that way at all.
>It’s a satisfied yawn, or rather a pleased one.
>“Not too long, maybe an hour or two. Surprisingly it wasn’t you that woke me up.”
>He’s been awake for a while, yet he hasn’t got out of bed?
>That’s odd.
>Then that means...
“W-why didn’t you just get up if you’ve been awake?” you say trying to play it cool.
>If he thinks you did it in your sleep, maybe it won’t be as bad--
>“You know….ya could’ve just stopped sucking my ear when you woke up and then apologize.”
“I-I de….uuuuuh…”
>You don’t know how to make this sound less weird, but here it goes...
“Uh, y-yeah, I know. I didn’t wanna wake you though by your unconscious mind noticing a change of pattern in my...actions. Kind of like when you pet a dog that sleeps, but it wakes once you stop.”
>You inner nerd always spews out when you're nervous and embarrassed….
>Anon grins at you.
>“Sorry, but like I said, I’ve been awake for a while.”
>So then why didn’t he get up?
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All this purplepone
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We need more silly princesses.
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“You could've woke up without me, though...”
>He tiredly chuckles.
>“But then I’d wake you up.”
>You open your mouth to say it’d be alright, but it’s like he can read your mind before you can even do it…
>“And no, it wouldn’t be okay if I woke you up. You need your sleep since you’re injured.”
>It’s then he starts to rise from the bed.
“So...you’re not too freaked out, are you?”
>He waves a hand dismissively.
>“Bah, ‘course not. Weirded out maybe, but I ain’t judging you. Last night wasn’t exactly our most pleasant.”
>You chuckle awkwardly, following after a silence of awkwardness.
>Or at least you think it’s an awkward silence?
>He doesn’t seem to mind it as he opens his closet.
>That’s when you see that he’s shirtless.
>His muscles roll as he sorts through his closet, and you stare completely mesmerized.
>Hooves start to feel a bit shaky the more you look on.
>I-it’s just because he’s good looking...
>Nothing more or nothing less, of course he’s gonna make a mare blush, even you, a friend!
>That doesn’t mean anything, it’s just a response that has nothing to do with emotional perspective unless you let it.
>Your heart races at the sight of his well developed back muscles as he mutters something about “not being able to find it.”
>You shouldn’t be staring, and you know that.
>Yet you do.
>....Stop staring!
That image is so huge it crashed my browser.

>You’re being rude to your friend, even if he isn’t aware.
>This can create wrong ideas! Very wrong! He’s your FRIEND.
>Just...look somewhere else.
>Your eyes avert to the covers on the bed.
>Sure he doesn’t care he’s shirtless near you, but you doubt that he’d be okay with his close friend ogling him.
>Meanwhile, Anon shuffles around his closet some more.
>He finds “it” and puts the fuzzy blue garment on, tying it around his waist.
>It looks like a comfy robe...
>He smiles and senses some discomfort emanating from you, not knowing why (or you hope he doesn't know).
>Still, he wants to help, and he does.
>“Did you know Rarity made this robe?” Anon asks you.
>You eagerly jump on the chance to lose thoughts of shirtless Anon.
“Er, I thought they were imported from Canterlot?” you say with uncertainty.
>“Well, my first clothes were. They kinda sucked, being made by the government and shit for clothing an alien, but I didn’t care too much. ‘Least I was covered.”
>He immediately draws you in with his inviting and friendly tone.
>Anon can always catch a pony’s interest in any story....
>You listen to the tale hanging on every word like it came from a great wizard like Starswirl.
>The way he uses his words to tell the story captivates you, and the sound of his voice smoothly wraps around his listeners.
>He knows how to get a pony’s attention, that’s for sure.
>Anon stretches before he continues.
>“Now, funny thing is I had to wait for the clothes to be made. It was a whole three days worth though. Now, yes, I do know it’s hard to make clothes at such a fast pace, but seriously, I was in nothing but blankets, tarps, or anything I could conceal myself with.”
>He chuckles for a second in recollection.
>That’s odd.
“What is it? Something you remember?”
>He smiles.

I'm so fucking tired. More tomorrow if anyone even cares at this point about it.
She's a big pone
>“One of the first questions I, an alien that’d just hop over from a universe and been traumatized, was asked when I first met some officials… “Why do you wish to be clothed constantly? Is there a deformity you wish to conceal?”
>You sit with a deadpan face.
“Really? Who asked you that?”
>Anon shrugs nonchalantly as he pulls out slippers from his closet’s bottom.
>“Any wealthy person, scientist, or government official. The princesses were the only ones who actually gave a shit when I said why, though.”
>You sigh.
“Yeah, respect is an odd thing in Equestria. I don’t understand it or how it works, though I find most reasons for respect towards one quite undeveloped.”
>Anon points with a smile like you pulled a sacred sword from stone and laughs.
>“I know, right? It’s so hard to find respect that’s actually respectful. People can admire someone or something for something they contributed, something they helped to make as a better person, something to aspire to…”
“...Yet they only like hollow celebrities with no touch of reality!”
>“...Yet they only like hollow celebrities with no touch of reality!”
>Did you and him just say the same thing at the same time?
>Uh...Great minds?

pastebin (updated to the latest green): http://pastebin.com/edit.php?i=gNGpcKzD

My trips tempt me to dump my writing more....
Do it. I want it to get comfy.
>“Wow….you see it like I do.” says the human.
>You look down dismally and exhale.
“I have subjects that straight-up fantasize about me according to Luna. They see me more as a celebrity than a pony, a blank model to spread gossip about, to go and have rumors that are flat-out lies or to create an image that doesn’t represent me.”
>You feel a bit sad now.
“They don’t see me as the little librarian anymore with quirks, or that one mare with the cute dragon. Now I’m just “Oh, princess! May I take a picture with you?” I mean, I have a personality, but ponies seem to forget that… It’s nothing to do with actually being a Princess, or being an alicorn...”
>This is not how you wanted your morning to go.
>You want waffles with a cup of smiley OJ, not your self image issues.
“It’s that I miss being me. I miss being treated with actual respect, and genuine feelings! I don’t like people looking up to me, I want them next to me, you know?”
>You shouldn’t pour this all out, especially on poor Nonny.
>Plus, you don’t want to talk until Anon’s ears bleed.
“In fact, truth be told...I-I just want to be regular again.”
NOW you can expect to get comfy.

>Anon doesn’t respond for a minute.
>Then he walks in his slippers to the side of the bed.
>His hands grip your right front hoof, as if holding a firefly within them, keeping it in his hold.
>Anon the starts to speak, and you start to feel funny.
>“I respect you. I’m your friend, and you’ve got my true, actual respect, and you have my genuine feelings of those.”
>Something flutters inside you as he speaks those words.
>It only rises as he continues to talk.
>“And you know what else?”
>A strange feeling, one that you’re unfamiliar with strikes your mind as your pupils are probably dilated so much they’re bigger than a black hole.
“W-what?” you say timidly.
>This feeling, bruh...
>His eyes are very close to your’s now, and his breath tickles your nose slightly.
>At least it’s not morning breath.
>His words are a whisper, making you listen extra carefully to every word he says.
>“....get to have breakfast….”
>He smiles, and you find yourself making a smile too.
>“...In bed!” he finishes with excitement.
“Anon, why do you do this to me?” you say giggly
>He laughs gleefully at his attempt to make your mood lighten.
>The human gives you a look you can’t quite describe.
>“I do it ‘cause you’re my friend. Duh.”
>Of course, because all friends are amazing enough to tend to your every need, feed you, help REHABILITATE you, and then keep you at there home until you heal.
>...Then again why are you complaining?
>I-I just want to be regular again.”
Immediate flashbacks to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZDhMKk4tfg
I'd read the shot out of this
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>pic related
She'll always be my Twi-Twi, though. Wings or no wings.

>I'd read the shot out of this.
Tomorrow I'll see about throwing something together.
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>mfw dat Hamster inna related videos links
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No bully
>Anon opens the door to exit.
>“It’ll be ready in a few minutes. Don’t go anywhere, ok?” he smirks.
>You roll your eyes.
“Was that intentionally making fun of my crippledness?”
>“You’ll never know!” he hollers playfully as he walks off to the kitchen.
>Welp, waiting time…..

>Damn does Anon cook well!
>You’ve had breakfast in bed, and (despite the obligatory side of mashed potatoes), it was beyond delicious.
>You’ve never had Pancakes this good before, and the homemade syrup is amazing!
>“Happy tummy?”
>“Do you have a happy tummy? You know, full stomach, satisfied meal?”
“You know it! I didn’t know you could cook like that, Anon.”
>Anon smiles sheepishly.
>“Well, I didn’t know either. I just followed the recipe very carefully.”
“Who’s recipe, if you don’t mind me asking?”
>“Uh, think it was the cake’s? Ponka gave it to me.”
>Well, Pinkie, you can bring out the best in everyone, including the best cook.
“Thanks, Anon. You’re really nice to do this.”
>“Compliment me again and I will break your other limbs.” he says teasingly.
>“...Too much?” he chuckles nervously.
“Just a tad...Speaking of my limbs, I think I want to try walking bit.”
>Anon’s face contorts to an uncertain look.
>“You sure? I mean, I know the doc says to try it out, but definitely not to rush things.”
>Psh, you’re not rushing much.
What would you all r8 the cuteness in this story? Not sure if it's still cute enough or whatever...
It's cute. Could've be more cute at the beginning but I'm loving it so far.
I-want-to-go-to-your-pastebin-and-read-it-all/10 cuteness
That's...oddly specific? Well, here you go...http://pastebin.com/gNGpcKzD

“I’ll be alright, especially with you helping me out.” you say flatteringly.
>The human looks conflicted, mostly against the idea of you starting to walk so soon.
>“....Fine. I don’t have to.”
>“No, you do have to start somewhere. Why not now?”
>You eyes widen.
>Finally, the chance to MOVE.
>So eager are you to finally move again that you try to quickly get up from the bed.
“Really? Okay, help me-AGGGH!”
>Anon gasps as you scream in pain.
>Your leg slipped, and as a result, massive pain of unbearable magnitudes.
>Anon panics, but quickly regains himself.
>Immediately, he speeds up to your side and looks at where you’ve hurt yourself.
>“Are you ok?! What happened?!” he asked urgently.
>You cry from the pain, but it’s not as bad as it was a second ago.
>You sniffle like a filly and point to your broken leg (or one of them).
>“...Oh, Twily. Do you want some ice? I can get you some?”
>You shake your head yes.
>The hot tears in your eyes start to stop forming, but the ones left still fall.
“C-can you get a painkiller, please?” you whimper.
>Anon immediately goes into the bathroom, opening the medicine cabinet.
>He gets out some little pill, and uses your glass of unfinished OJ (don’t tell AJ you drink that stuff) and fills it with water.
>Then he goes back to you, pill and water in his hold.
>You use your magic to take the pill.
>Oh, wait.
>You open your mouth, and Anon pops it in for you.
>“I’ll be right back. I’m gonna get you some ice.”
>With your hooves, you swallow it with the water in your hold.
>What was at the bottom of the glass tasted like watery OJ.
>He runs back quickly, an ice pack in his hands.
>Anon’s not wasting any time, as he speedily hands the cold package to you, and takes your empty glass.
>You wince as he puts it on the sore leg.
Great writing and I laughed a quite a few times. Needed more conversation between Anon and AJ though.
>“Too much pressure?”
“Yeah...just a little, though.”
>“I totes called this.”
“Shut up and ice me.”
>“I’m cool with that.”
“Ugh….Really? Ice puns?”
>“C’mon Twi, chill out! You don’t see me giving you the cold shoulder.”
“Stop it...it hurts.”
>“Hey Twi, What killed the dinosaurs?
“Anon, I just injured myse-”
>You glare, trying not to crack a giggle.
“I don’t know what hurts more; my legs or your puns.”

>Be a good ten minutes or so later.
>Anon made ice puns, but it was still pretty cool of him to help you out.
>Unfortunately, Anon isn’t going to let you walk.
>In all honesty, it’s probably for the better at this moment.
“Man, I feel like garbage.”
>“D’aw, don’t say that!”
>He leans closer to you, and pokes you in the tummy like you’re some cute animal.
>“At least you don’t smell like gar-”
>He stops as his face makes a sour expression.
>“Actually you do smell like garbage.”
“...I do?”
>Anon nods his head.
>“Yeah, you should take a shower.”
>You sniff your armpits.
>Surely you don’t smell that…
Your writing is atrocious, your have no style, Twilight is the center when it should be Anon, not enough smut, awful narrative, dialogue is fucking ridiculous, and I swear to god you are just some faggot trying too hard to get attention. You don't know what your doing kid. Go back to fanfiction.net or some shit like that. Your writing make me sick. Stop. Fucking. Writing. Don't listen to all these better writers who are just saying nice things because they probably think you suck, and don't want to break your pussy-ass feelings. Stop writing this. It's embarrassing to yourself. I went onto your pastebin “Fui” and my god, your absolute GARBAGE. Fucking stop writing you piece of shit.
Hey Beans, your wife found you on 4chan.
If I'm not making good content according to others, and if people aren't reading this, then okay. I'll stop...if others want me to stop. So far you're the only NEGATIVE response I've had. If others start saying that truthfully, my greentext is bad, then I'll gladly stop polluting this space.

I would kek even harder if I actually had a wife.
Haters gonna hate man. Your story isn't the worst thing to grace this board.
For the light that is all holy and shit you better not stop. I'm loving every bit of thy green.
>Your writing make me sick.
You should stop writing.
Left her for a mare, eh?
Okay man, we get it. You should skype with beans if you want to fuck him so bad. This isn't the place to arrange gay hookups.
Not to turn thi into some hugbox-shit, buuuuut....I've NEVER had a relationship. I've been in promiscuous acts with women, but not actually in any romantic way whatsoever. I'd be too much of a disappointment for them. I write a lot, that's what I do, and I have social insecurities that I struggle with. A relationship with me would be stressful.

But then I started watching the show...and I'm a social fucking butterfly
SEE! That's it right there! The attention whorring shit I'm talking about! He's a fucking birch who just wants you to listen to him like he's god or something! And his writing sucks too! SOMEONE agrees with with me on this, write? That beans a faggot?
I agree 100%. This Writefag has no idea what he's doing or where he is going but he just wants people to notice him. His story's stupid, his delivery bland, and his execution is downright gay
I mean I hate to say it but
Dont you dare stop! I dont know who this faggot is but he has bad taste.
Dude, all these guys want to fuck you. Don't drop the soap man. Unless you're into that kind of thing.
Then why won't you use an example of my writing to make your points?

Don't worry, I'll be writing a lot more. I think I might stop for tonight though...more whenever I wake up, I guess.
Go fuck yourself. You freaking out about it is worse than him doing it. Its fucks like you that drive off the writers from AiE.

Go back to Satyr and FR where you belong.
i read your previous story, no home for anon, and i liked it, so i am expecting good things from you, and i expect that you put as much thought and planing as you did on previous stories as you said you did before
Hey Beans. Remember the guy who told you to leave your personal life out of the threads? That was me. I don't want to be a dick, but I did warn you this was going to happen. Gotta cut back on that stuff. Join the IRC. Join the Skype chat. Talk there. The threads are for stories.
Thank you for understanding.
>Dear Princess Celestia,
>Twilight summoned about a dozen humans because she thinks I'm lonely. While I appreciate the sentiment, the humans she gathered are not the best examples of my species. Four of them are mentally handicapped to the point where they require constant care. They aren't the problem though. The rest of them just argue and throw shit at each other all day. The screaming and the smell are becoming a bit much to deal with. I'll be coming for another visit. Can we talk about moving my house to Canterlot? I think I need to get away from the purple menace.


>p.s. She hides in the bushes watching the humans while pleasuring herself. That girl needs an arranged marriage yesterday.
This has been planned while I was posting No Home for Anon (which was a long fucking time ago). It's not gonna be as long, because I took long, long breaks between, but it's pretty much finished, and so far, I think I'm doing pretty well with the smut in it.

I failed you...
>I failed you...

You must commit writefag seppuku by impaling yourself on a dragon dildo. Use plenty of lube.
Look, Beans, I'm going to be real here. I started reading your story, didn't enjoy it so I stopped. That's fine, I can cope with something I don't like being posted, it's as easy as just not reading it.

What does my head in, though, is the constant stream of attention whoring posts you make. No one asked if you had a wife, there was literally no need to bring it up. Similarly with all this drama shit.

This Anon gave you good advice >>25090613, but maybe he's being too polite to get through to you, so I'll try to put it more bluntly:

Don't namefag if you're not responding specifically to posts about your story, or are posting some story. When people start blowing the fuck up like this guy >>25089845, just ignore them. When you respond like you did, it just comes across as even more attention whorish, clumsily fishing for comments.

Maybe mummy didn't tell you she loved you enough as a kid, but for the love of Christ, stop looking for attention and approval here. If you're desperate for it, go start your own thread, or just work on producing better quality green.

And I don't mean stop posting green, that's why people are here. I mean stop posting your asinine personal shit. This isn't your Myspace. No one cares.
Ok then. Fair enough.
Wow, real critique? I'm shocked.

>You are Princess Luna
>A giant biped in a space suit carrying a suitcase just walked out of a space portal into your throne room
>You are sure this is going to be the start of a wonderful friendship

"The moon hung high in the sky, blanketing all in it's soft glow while the rain was beginning to let down a gentle drizzle all over the lonely town of Ponyville. It was the kind of night where folks might have gone a wandering. And maybe my partner, Anonymous, has done just that. But folks don't just up and wander away without so much as a goodbye. Especially not in this town. So I had some questions. Questions that needed answers, luckily I knew just the folks to get them from," you monologue dryly as you stare out to the window.
>You put on your private dick hat then grab a box of pocky's for pretend cigarettes and set out as a mare on a mission.
>Anon is still out at work, and he's later than usual. Personally, you don't mind all that much but you're bored and so the noir detective is the best thing you've got to keep yourself entertained until he gets home.
>Your first stop is the lounge room or, as you've reimagined it, the docks.
>Cheshire was one of those shady folks that were known for helping out both sides of the fence yet he's not that much of a talker.
>But if you wanted to find what happened to Anon, you'd have to find a way to make that cat sing.
>You step past all the smoke and commotion the common folk around these parts are getting into and make a straight line to Cheshire.
>He was sitting above some crates, stock and things, brimming widely from ear to ear as much as his cheeks would allow when he notices your approach.
"Listen here, cat, I'm not here for games. I'm looking for Anonymous."
>Cheshire continues to smile and eye you.
"Tall. Green skin. Stupid looking face. The kind of partner that couldn't do a damn thing without me watching over him. Ring any bells on that collar, huh?"
>That smug little grin is getting on your nerves, the kind of grin that knows but won't move to say a word.
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>You chew on a pocky a little and play the waiting game.
>A game Cheshire is a master at while you have little patience for anything, let alone waiting to get what you want.
>You give up with a loud groan then you spit out the pocky.
"Alright, I thought we could be cool cats about this, but it looks like I'm going to have to do with the hard way."
>With your magic, you hold Cheshire's arms and legs so you can pummel the little rat.
>But just as you're about to land the first hit, the voice of a goody two shoes police bear calls out.
>"Miss Moonie, I hope you're playing nice with old Cheshire."
"Sir Bearington," you exclaim as you let Cheshire free.
>"That's officer Sir Bearington."
>Sir Bearington was one those of honest, by the book till the bitter end kind of cops. The only one in this city.
>It was cute seeing the naive officer waddle about, thinking he could make a real difference.
>"Officer Sir Bearington, my apologies."
>He nods.
>You turn back around to see Cheshire has run off somewhere.
>Now you're pretty pissed at the officer for ruining your best chance at landing a lead on this case. But you're not about to show that.
"What brings you to this part of the slums, officer?"
>"Missing person's case. I think you know the guy."
>"Yeah, what do you know about Mr Anonymous' disappearance?"
>He takes out a notepad and pen as he watches you carefully.
"You've got to be kidding me? You think that I had some--"
>"Just answer the question."
"The only thing I know is that he hasn't been seen or heard from for the whole day. I was the last person to speak to him and that was at breakfast. He was in a rush. Ran out with a slice of toast in his mouth."
>"Any idea why he hasn't come back?"
"If I knew that, I wouldn't be out right now searching for answers."
>"And what about you?"
"What about me?"
>"Any reason why you wouldn't want Anonymous to come back?"
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>You grit your teeth and do your best not to tear the bear apart, it's not what Anon would have wanted.
"I have thousands of reasons to be annoyed at Anon. He took my rubber sword of me when I poked him in the eye by accident, I have a set bed time, I have to eat everything on my plate before I can leave the table, some nights he forgets to tell me a bed time story, I get sent to a school for children despite being over a thousands years old, I'm still grounded from taking over Equestria and the list goes on. But none of them are severe enough where I don't want him to return. Anon is the kind of pain in the butt you like to keep around," you answer in an irate tone before talking a deep breath.
>"That's sweet," he replies in a flat, uncaring tone.
>Suddenly the door swings open, letting in a gush of the cold night air.
>In the doorway, Anon can be seen drenched and out of breath.
>The rain has picked up and so he must have run home with only a jacket as cover.
>He takes his shoes off in the doorway there before stepping inside. Then he notices your hat.
>"Detective Moonie, have you cracked the case yet?" he asks while he walks past you, his steps making sloshing sounds on the carpet
"Yup. In record time too."
>"Hey, I always new my favourite little detective could do it. Sorry I'm late. Mayor Mare and I were just finalising some details for some upcoming events. By the way, no more leaving your half eaten pockys on the floor or I'm talking them away."
>He picks up the pocky you spat out earlier and throws it in the bin before heading into the shower.
>You wait a while for him to be finished, then the two of you eat dinner then head to bed.
>Thankfully he remembers to tell you a bed time story tonight about loose canon detectives who don't follow anybody's rules but their own as they try to solve the case and get the dame.

Shorts pastebin: http://pastebin.com/5WWqvqra
>"Whew, you ain't half got a mean streak."

Not sure if mistake or cowboyism I don't get.
>>You just spent the entire day with your ghost dick in her ear.
Reminds me of this.

"Yeah Spike?"
>"He's still doing it."
"You've gotta be kidding me! It's been three weeks!"
>She starts waving her hooves around to try and knock you away.
"Go away!"
>She puts up a forcefield around her face.
>"It's not like you can even feel it," said Spike.
"I can't sleep at night knowing I'm being violated by a spirit from another dimension!" shouted Twilight.
>The outburst was enough to waste all the oxygen in her bubble and she promptly passed out.
>Spike looks down at Twilight and then up at you.
>"You wanna go for ice cream?"
>"Cool shit, son."
>Be ghost Anon.
>You just found out you can still jizz.
>You've coated Twilight's bed and pillow with your otherworldly spunk.
>The best part is, she's an evening shower person.
>She cleans herself up just to lay in ghost cream all night.
>She's getting upset that Spike won't hug her anymore.
"Hey Spike. Don't eat the peanut butter in the fridge anymore."
>"Uh... Why?"
>Moments later Twilight comes walking in with a slice of bread spread with peanut butter
>"Spike, did you makes this peanut butter chunky? I don't remember buying it chunky."
>Spike looks at you with a mix of confusion and horror.
"I don't know about that, but I did stick my dick in it," you comment.
>Twilight finishes her once-thought-smooth peanut butter sandwich.
You will never haunt Twilight in lewd ways.
Who keeps peanut butter in the fridge?
Retarded horses like Twilight. Also, they might not have as many preservatives in their food. Homemade peanut butter will go bad if left out for long enough.
I'd rather be alive than a ghost who gets bored after several years and praying for Hell but can't pass on because Twilight put your body in museum.
>Not using your ghost powers to change the display name to "Erectus Homo."
>Getting bored of making Twilight sleep in your ghost cum.
>Not hanging out with dragons because they can see you.
>Be Ghost Anon
>Hanging out in Canterlot.
>Fucking with the Dragon ambassador.
>Dragons are the only creatures that can see or hear you for some reason.
>Right now though, you're fucking Celestia in the ear while he is trying to make demands of her.
>It isn't going well for him.
>Tell the Dragon ambassador that there is only one way to get rid of you.
>He must destroy Twilight's castle.
>That fucking eyesore is hard to look at even for a ghost.
am i the only one that wants a vampire anon in equestria?
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Vampires suck.
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>Smelling your pits was a bad decision.
“A shower sounds nice, actually.”
>Anon points at your legs.
>“You’re broken, remember?”
>Oh, yeah, you’re not able to stand.
>You really hate being injured, you know that?
>“...It’s okay, you can take a bath. That’d probably feel better on your bones too, eh?”
“Well, it does certainly sound nice.” you say.
>The heat could probably tone down the throbbing pain of your aching wing and legs, so there’s that.
“I’d love a bath, Anon...but, uh, can you maybe…”
>Anon smiles.
>He scoops you up like a mama bear does to her cub.
>“You’re too adorable, you know that Twilight?”
“I have the power to exile you to Tartarus.”
>“With a horn, maybe.” he chuckles.
>Anon then enters the bathroom, and turns on the bathtub.
>Then, from the cabinet, he gets out some soap.
>He pours it into the tub, and as the water fills, foamy bubbles form much to your foalish delight.
>The water fills quickly, and soon you’re ready.
>“Ok,Twilie. Soap’s right there and here’re the towels. If you need me for anything, just holler, ok?” he says politely.
“....Anything?” you say evilly.
>He plays along as he jokes with you.
>“Yes, anything...eheheheh.” he lets out his own evil chuckle.
>See, that’s how close you two are, laughing while you two dance with your madness in shared bliss of insanity!
>...Or that you guys just click, but that’s not as fun to say, is it?
>Most people would be weirded out by your strange humor, but Anon gets it.
>He’s just that chill to be with you.
>Anyways, the human places a rubber-ducky into the tub, much to your chagrin, but he merely giggles as he squeezes it.
>Now with the tub waiting for you, Anon picks you up again, careful as not to hurt your frail and injured bones.
>He slowly sinks you in cautiously.
>“In you go, Twily. Tell me if it’s too hot.”
>Anon dips you into the warm water of the tub, and...
>Oooh that feels so fuggin’ good!
>You hum peacefully, as your aching body feels relief as it becomes submerged in the sothing and enlightening heat of the water.
>Anon,like, smiles at your content vibes and such, dude.
>Totally groovy.
>“Enjoy.” the human says as he smirks at your satisfied state.
>You only murmur a small “Mkay….”
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>Oh my god you should take bathes more often.
>It feels so nice on your body, alleviating all this pain, soothing your tight muscles.
>Tension just seems to pour away from you in the bubbly water.
>Sheesh when was the last time you’ve taken a bath instead of shower?
>The spa for poison joke, maybe?
>Yeah, that was nice.
>Hah, now to actually start bathing.
>You soap up your mane, rinse, lather, repeat.
>Next your coat.
>Now onto your back.
>You get your soap brush to scrub your back, right in between your feathers.
>You knew you should’ve done yoga with Anon, not just running, weight-lifting, dance lessons, martial arts, fencing, wrestling, and of course, “jazzercise”.
>...Yeah, just ignore that last one.
>Welp, thanks to inflexibility and being motionless for days, seems you’re not able to get back their.
>You can’t reach the back of your wings unless you were using your unicorn magic, but without a horn at the moment, it’s safe to say that’s not happening.
>You think of what to do, but find no good answers.
Woo it lives again.
>Be Ghost Anon
>Twilight is miserable
>Spike can't stop laughing hysterically
>"He's still there...?" Twilight asked annoyingly.
>"Yeah," snickered Spike.
>"What's he doing now?"
>"He's sitting on your head."
>"Oh that's not so bad."
>"But..." started Spike.
>"What? Is he teabagging me again?" asked Twilight.
>"Well... Kind of... But really he's using your horn as a prostate massager," answered Spike.
>"EWWW!!!" panicked Twilight as she started firing lasers off in every direction.
>Spike stood on the side as Twilight raged and cursed at you.
"Good job, buddy," you tell him.
>"You wouldn't actually do that, would you?" he asked.
"Fuck no. That's gay. Now go tell her I'm shoving all of her quill pens up my ass."
>all this twilybuse
May as well pile it on.
My body is ready
>Welp, thanks to inflexibility and being motionless for days, seems you’re not able to get back their.
Needs to be "there"
I've noticed a couple of mistakes like that. I haven't been pointing them out though, should I?
I'm not sure what the etiquette is.
If you do, wait until he is done posting and put all corrections into one post.
>You scream a bit too loudly, as Anon is clearly scared judging by his fast running to the bathroom.
>“TWILIGHT?! EVERYTHING OKAY!?” he shouts from a few rooms away, heading towards this one.
>He then immediately bursts through the door, fear on his face.
>Fear that thankfully leaves once he sees you sheepishly smiling in here.
>His face goes from worried, to deadpan.
>“Did ya really have to scream bloody murder?”
“Heh, my bad?” you say uneasily.
>Anon sighs.
>“Damnit, Twi, I thought you were hurt or something! Sheesh!”
>He spends a few seconds catching his breath.
>Anon need a chill pill, yo.
>“Ok, so what is it you screamed like a rape victim for?”
“...I need you to help wash me.”
>His face turns red and his brows quirk upwards in surprise.
>“Excuse me?” he asks, scratching the back of his head.
>You repeat yourself, this time more bluntly.
“Can you wash my back?”
>Anon hesitates, and you understand why.
>Cleaning each other does seem kind of...intimate.
“I can’t reach it with broken hooves or without a horn. I kind of need your help.”
>You feel embarrassed with Anon, now.
>The human pulls the collar of his shirt a little.
>“Uh, you serious?”
>You nod yes, albeit uncertainly.
>He sighs again, but pulls up his sleeves.
>“I can do that, sure.” he says with a grumble.
>You blush as he leans his massive self by side of the tub, sitting on his knees.
>The first thing he does to help clean you is….
“Anon, what are you doing?”
>“....Making a Santa beard?”
>A beard of white soapy bubbles of foam are on your face, forming a “beard” that’d make Starswirl cringe.
>“Kay, I’ll stop.” he says as he wipes the bubbles off with a towel.
>What is a Santa anyway?
>“Okay, so, like, where am I supposed to wash you?”
“My back, in between the wings, anywhere I’d levitate my brush to scrub with a horn.”
>Anon pauses for a moment in thought.
>Then, with an “Alrighty” he dips his hands into the water and soap.
>“Turn your back and wings towards me.” he says with his hard but soft voice.
>You hate to admit it, but the way that voice demanded you; it makes you tingle inside.
>You oblige his command, facing your wings at him with your back.
>With strong hands, he starts to scrub and lather the soap around your back.
>The human rubs the tissue deeply, but softly relaxes the muscles.
>It feels so wonderful that you let out a satisfied hum.
>Anon finds all points of tension, and it’s like he washes them away with no effort, his fingers digging into the tight muscles as he knows where to touch to make you feel pleasure.
>Oh man, this must be what paradise is like.
“Wow...Anon, I just said to wash my back, not-ooooh that’s nice….”
>“The doctor recommended massages everyday. Massages were something I read into as a hobby back at my home.”
>You thought you were relaxed before while in the tub?
>Honey, that’d be like Justin Bieber compared to John Williams.
>This massage is as good as it gets, man.
Anon, someone actually did joke around about Beans's *non existent* wife. So, I guess he was just going along with the joke. >>25089908
Did I kill this thread? I hope not.
Correct, I was making a joke.
Hello, AiE. I should have some fresh green for ya in about 4 hours. Just to let you know.
Noice dubdubs, m80.
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>Another peaceful day.
>You take another bite of your bagel and look around the room.
>Mares and stallions conversing, eating, and generally having a good time.
>And damn, this bagel is amazing!
>"Hiya, Anon!"
>You turn your head to look over at the pink mare who takes a seat beside you.
"Hey Pinkie."
>"Isn't today just amazing?"
"Yeah, I guess so."
>She places her tray down and commences to scarf down the cupcakes on it.
>"Ooh no hwat oould ake it better?"
>You take a sip from your glass of milk.
"No, what?"
>Pinkie grabs a cupcake from her tray and stares into your eyes.
>Without a second thought, she launches the cupcake a nearby stallion, hitting him square in the back of the head.
>Has she lost it?
>You turn to the mare, mouth dropped in awe.
>A devilish grin stretches from ear to ear on her face.
>The stallion grabs his hayburger and throws it at Pinkie.
>She dodges it swiftly.
>A unicorn, who turns to look at the commotion, gets mustard, ketchup, and hay all in her mane.
>At the snap of a finger, the place rains total chaos.
>Food flies from ever direction as you duck under the table.
>Pinkie quickly follows you under, a smile lacing her lips.
>"C'mon Nonny! Join in the fun!"
>You contemplate her suggestion for a moment and decide, "Eh, fuck it."
>Grabbing the closest thing on the table to you, you toss it at the nearest mare.
>Some milk, a bit of butter, and some cream cheese.
>The mare looks at her coat, appalled by the mess.
>Pinkie rushes to the middle of the room and waves everyone down.
>The room grows still as she runs your previous target.
>Tears have welled in her eyes.
>Pinkie hugs the mare, trying to calm her before turning back to the room.
>"Everypony. I want you to look at the man before me."
>All eyes lock on you.
>Oh shit.
>"This man assaulted this mare with milk, butter, and cheese."
>Her eyes narrow, her grin turning sinister.
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“You have lots of interest, don’t you Anon.”
>He starts to rub at the joint of your injured wing.
>Without any pain, he manages to relax it.
>“Yeah, don’t get me started. I wanted to do many things as a child. Reading about lots of things does that, don’t you think?”
>He moves his hand to your good wing, and digs into it with deep pressure.
“Yuh-huh…” you say peacefully.
>He rubs the tension right out of you.
>You’re loose as spaghetti, man.
>Then, with both hands, he rises up on your wings.
>That tension starts to fade as you feels your wings become stiff again...but not due like you’d expect.
>Your wings fully extend, a large “POMPF” signalling you of the pleasure.
>You rarely get these, but when you do, you’re usually pretty frisky at the moment, and the fact that this is the stiffest wingboner you’ve ever had is really saying something.
>Anon looks at your wings with a confused look.
>You prepare for Anon to freak out at the sudden sign of your arousal, but instead….he looks at them confusedly.
>“...Uh, why’d you do that?”
>Think,Twi, think!
“I was, uh, airing them out?”
>Anon looks at the questionable face you have but shrugs.
>“Hey, long as I’m not hurting you.” he says before scrubbing again.
>...He doesn’t know?
>He scrubs again, this time, gentler.
>The new pace he washes you with is just as pleasurable, and you feel a bright blush on your face as you start to pant.

No drama. Just feel the magic of the green...
You filthy bastard. That was punderful
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Is this story finished? Your output is staggering if not. I won't be able to catch up.
It is semi-finished. I've been writing the ending for a few days now. I also edit what I have written before I post.
>In fact, you’ve never been preened so magnificently.
>You revel in the sexual pleasure gained from Anon working your wings with those superb fingers, and you notice your arousal growing.
“H-Harder please…”
>“Harder? Uh, alright then.”
>You almost gasp from the intensity of how wonderful it feels.
>Thank god your lower parts are obscured, or he’d see how much you were enjoying yourself.
>Man, he sure can touch a girl right...
>...But this?
>It’s not right, it’s wrong.
>He’s your friend for crying out loud, not some random colt.
>You shouldn’t abuse your friend’s trust to get off!
>...So why aren’t you protesting?
>You should have stopped as soon as he touched that area, told him that’s inappropriate, that it’s erogenous.
>Yet you moan and tremble in sickening pleasure, drowning into the sensation as your friend unknowingly plays with your delicate wings.
>Anon then touches a sweet spot, one that elicits a tiny yelp from the sudden jolt of mind numbing delight.
>“You ok Twi? Feather’s are getting really ruffled.”
>...Twi, you gotta stop this.
>This is harassment and abuse to your friend.
>A friend who’s taken you in when no one else could, all because he cares about you.
>For Celestia’s sake he even bathing you without too much complaint!
>The guilt eventually overpowers the arousal, and (sadly) before you feel a climax approach, you force yourself to stop him.
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Oh my...
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>In fact, you’ve never been preened so magnificently.
>You revel in the sexual pleasure gained from Anon working your wings with those superb fingers, and you notice your arousal is only growing.
“H-Harder please…”
>“Harder? Uh, alright then.”
>You almost gasp from the intensity of how wonderful it feels.
>Thank god your lower parts are obscured, or he’d see how much you were enjoying yourself.
>Man, he sure can touch a girl right...
>...But this?
>It’s not right, it’s wrong.
>He’s your friend for crying out loud, not some random colt.
>You shouldn’t abuse your friend’s trust to get off!
>...So why aren’t you protesting?
>You should have stopped as soon as he touched that area, told him that’s inappropriate, that it’s erogenous.
>Yet you moan and tremble in sickening pleasure, drowning into the sensation as your friend unknowingly plays with your delicate wings.
>Anon then touches a sweet spot, one that elicits a tiny yelp from the sudden jolt of mind numbing delight.
>“You ok Twi? Feather’s are getting really ruffled.”
You ever consider just posting a large portion in chapter-sized groups rather than a slow drizzle of one post at a time?
The one at a time thing only works with a dramatic, tense, scene to keep readers on their seat.
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I don't know about you but I'm feeling mighty tense
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Oh shit, didn't know I did that.

>...Twi, you gotta stop this.
>This is harassment and abuse to your friend.
>A friend who’s taken you in when no one else could, all because he cares about you.
>For Celestia’s sake he even bathing you without too much complaint!
>The guilt eventually overpowers the arousal, and (sadly) before you feel a climax approach, you force yourself to stop him.
>It’s hard, but your temptation (overwhelming as it is) remains under your control, even if barely.
“Er yeah…..y-you can s-stop now. They’re clean now.”
>Anon exhales.
>“Man, Twi. I had to rub deeply for your wings. They’re pretty tense.”
“I, uh, well, you know, princessy stuff…” you murmur.
>You find yourself looking at anywhere that isn’t Anon.
>He unfortunately takes notice.
>“Hey, you alright?” he asks.
“Ah, yep, I’m okay. I think I’m clean.”
>Anon cocks an eyebrow.
>“Did I...do something?”
>Oh dat guilt is piling up.
“N-no, Anon. I just….just feel tired is all. Painkillers, a massage, and a bath will do that to a pony I guess!”
>With suspicious eyes, he scans you, but shrugs.
>“Meh, guess you’re right. Lemme get you out and dry you off, okey dokey?”
>He boops your nose playfully, easing up the feelings of tension in your gut.
>Anon always knows how to make you giggle, and giggle you do by the playful human’s nature.
“Okey dokey.”
>He then grabs the towel and lays it flat out on the ground.
>At the bottom right corner of it, you see a lavender sewn in “R” in fancy font.
>Rarity made it for him, good quality too, but a bit big for a pony.
>Anon then scoops you out of the bathtub with his damp arms, sleeves still rolled up, and gently lays you down in the center of the blanket on your back.
“Anon, what’re you doing?” you ask.
It does, however, provide constant bumpage.
That's true, Mr. Trips.
Can you please provide a pastebin link, if possible, at some point?

Here you go. It's updated to the latest green now, too.
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