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>"You have committed far too many crimes Anonymous."

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>"You have committed far too many crimes Anonymous."
>"I'm afraid your punishment must be severe."
>"You will have to spend the rest of your life in our penal system."
>"Stop it! S-stop laughing!"
Equestria prison is the equivalent of detention in school. The worst fight between inmates was when one stole the other's cookies and juicebox.
The penile batallion
What if they have konzentrationslagers?
Wet willies, swirlies, indian burns, and pink bellies is Equestria's shanking.
I love this.
In my defense, that kid had like two dozen cookies, and he was NOT sharing them with the rest of the class
>Go back to magic kindergarten
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cute, made me kek
thanks, OP
The guards are all wishy washy and don't want to be too hard on the inmates. They'll drop their tough act and try to make you feel better if you pretend to cry when they're being mean.
Pony hell is slightly nicer than regular life on Earth
>You're in a bath that's a bit too warm being poked by a pony with a trident
>Nap time is at 4, not 3
>Lunch includes broccoli that you have to finish in order to get your cookie
>Breakfast is pancakes with less syrup than you'd prefer
Top kek. If you've been extra bad you get an extra serving of brussel sprouts and you have to go to bed without dessert.
Sweet Celestia how cruel...
>Breakfast is pancakes with less syrup than you'd prefer
Solitary confinement is sitting in the corner and facing the wall while the other inmates get to go outside and play.
And homosexuality has no problems. Matter of fact, anyone on this board would be lucky even for that, let alone de pusi, b0ss. Therefore, your "insult" has been nullified by human sentiment.
One could always an hero.

>Welp, you've done it now old boy, you're in the clink. It's a very nice clink, but it still the clink nonetheless and you are in here forever.
>Which is just slang for a vary long while.
>You'll be out of here by next week, this thursday if your on good behavior!
>God you love the Equestrian Penal System.
>Hell you might come back next week just for keks.
"So, what are you in for Monkey Boy?"
>Oh this is going to be fun.
i live in hell then
Keep fucking going...
Anon tickled the princess until she peed herself. This makes all the inmates scared Anon might tickle them too.
>Anon goes to pony prison
>Grossly over estimates what will happen
>Tries to become top dog of pony prison
I would love to see that.
>"You think you can behave poorly in here without any consequences, Anonymous?!"
>"You can return to your cell WITHOUT chocolate pudding tonight, mister!"
>"And don't expect to take the 3 pm - 4 pm pool class, either. You'll have to wait until 7 pm!"
Anon should not have back talked the guard.
>The Equestrian Penal system is actually just sending ponies to Norwegian prison.
as you command mien faggot!

>There is this big guy next to you, he looks tough.
>Which means here, in magical horseland, he's probably as pansy assed as BigMac.
>"What am I in for?"
>You grin wide and lean in.
>"Well there was this mare you see... Pretty little thing... Nice mane, fine coat, good with kids... I followed her from her place of work and just when she though she was alone, I pulled her tail..."
>The guy is visibly shaking in terror, pale as milk.
>"And when she begged me to stop... I didn't let go!"
>And there goes the water works.
>The guy is now jelly legging in a puddle of his own design.
>"And thats just one of the charges they have on me! Want to know why I'm here until next week?"
>Oh yeah, this is going to be really fun.
I like lesbians but guy guys together grosses me out a bit. not that i treat them any differently but meh.
fucking kek
My sides! More!
I love your shit! Please, more!
I fucking love these ideas. I'd love to hear what kind of insults would be thrown around in Equestria prisons.
>Anon gets put in a padded cell for threatening an inmate with a plastic spork
>Padded cell is a bouncy castle
>"Have fun bouncing alone while you think about what you've done!"
>So, it lunchtime.
>Finally, you hadn't eaten anything since the three course breakfast they forced you to eat at the station.
>Word has gotten around I see, apparently Pee Mcgee can spread the word like Chlamydia.
>So you've got your tray and your making your way down the line.
>Got your greens...
>And more greens...
>Ooh! Fucking Quiche! Hell yeah!
"So your Anon huh? Warden Beat Stick wants you to know if you cause any trouble she's-
>"Going to beat my stick?"
"Uh... ah..."
>"Damn right your speechless, now pile on that rice a roni, fucking hungry."

> In the lunch line
> Anon grabs a bowl of pudding
> Shoves it in the face of the pony behind him
"I'm not locked up in here with you. You're locked up in here with me!"
> The entire room flees in tears.
>the inmate is still pissing himself in fear over the spork thing
>when he sees you he turns around and cries into one of the guard's shoulder while the guard tells him everything will be ok
>"You double Zebra!"
>WOW Bar Soap! That's so not cool!
>I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean it! I just get so angry sometimes...
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I understood that reference
>politically correct prisoners
Stupid butthead, booger brain, dumb butt.
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>The guards nervously looked at each other, barely able to comprehend the request
"I said 'more' guys. Come on, these gainz won't make themselves. Chop chop!
>This was supposed to be a punishment, public exercise
>Nopony wanted to do pushups but clearly this inmate was no pony
>He was a machine
>And he was yolked
>The guards shuffled larger weights onto his back as Anon continued to defy pony logic with his next level gainz
"Whoo! Can you feel it, brah?! I can feel it!
>There was nothing to do but wait until Anon broke under the pressure
>Nothing to do but watch his arms piston, sweat trickling between the crevasses of his lats as it worked its way d-
"You mirin brah?"
>The voice cuts like a knife as Anon holds the guard's gaze
"I totes see you mirin my natty gainz brah."
>It was like the more weight they added, the less sense Anon made
>He had to break soon there was no way he could keep up this pace
>The guards all shudder
>The cycle repeats
the more i read these, the more i cant help but be reminded of demolition man.
>B-but we're just royal guards! We weren't trained to deal with this type of violence!
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Plz more
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>In Equestria, prisons were co-ed
>You knew this from experience
>You didn't know that being an asshole and swearing could land you in jail, but in Equestria it could
>Two weeks for calling that mare a bitch.
>Two fucking weeks
>Though to be fair, that was only because you swore in front of her kids
>You were just not taking her crying kids in the movie theater bullshit
"Yo bitch, shut your kids up!"
>Her reaction was hilarious, but you should have left before the guard showed up
>So you were hauled away (willingly) to pony jail.

>You were pretty thug as fuck compared to some of the losers here
>Minor bullying? Wasting food? Starting a food fight? A few days or even hours. You were basically a lifer with these punishments.
>The guards pulled you into the reception room where you were suited up in an orange suit. But because you weren't a pony
>So they asked you to go get your most orange clothes and come back
>That shit was pretty funny, but you came back anyway. Now this was just an experience
>Standing in a room with other guilty mares and stallions, you were introduced to the prison system
"There will be NO fighting here. No stealing milk and cookies, no hogging the telephones, no glaring or slamming doors!"
>You realize pretty quickly that your orange suit meant you were high security prisoner, most here were wearing gray
>You glared over at some tough looking stallion and his visibly cringes
>Bad. Ass.
>Anon goes to prison for a week for repeated offences of taking bits off the ground and not trying to return them

>Once he is out, completely unfazed, the whole society seems afraid but theyare too nice to actually refuse him work or service or generally act mean, just scared

>>Nothing to do but watch his arms piston, sweat trickling between the crevasses of his lats as it worked its way d-
>"You mirin brah?"
my sides
I fucking love this thread.
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>You glared over at some tough looking stallion and his visibly cringes
nigga this is great
>You got in trouble for assaulting a pony in prison cafeteria today
>Really, all you did was smack him upside the back of the head for calling you a monkey
>What ensued was him curling up in the fetal position and crying as the guards came to haul you away
>It took eight of them to nudge your taller frame from your seat
>The warden had words with you
>Called you a poophead, much to the horror of the guards present
>Looks like you've been sentenced to solitary confinement for the next three hours
>Your escorts went weak in the knees, never knowing of any prisoner so far to spend more than 10 minutes there
>Turns out solitary confinement is a naughty stool in the corner
>One of the guards took pity on you and gave you a magazine to help pass the time
>Victoria's "Hush Hush"
>Well, you have quite some time to yourself and your overseer, may as well make the most of it
>Later you'd find out the sounds and sights of your fapping sent poor Lightning Lockup to the madhouse
>The next time you get the chair will be in the broom closet, as much as it pained the warden to do so
>She promised to allow you two nightlights to make up for the lack of illumination the overhead lamp gave
>After all, sitting in relative darkness is a torture not even the Equestrian government would allow
>Such is life in this finely carpeted prison with styrofoam bars
>styrofoam bars
You got me there.
>broccoli daily
It's steamed & not boiled, right?
>Really, all you did was smack him upside the back of the head for calling you a monkey
>Not eating it raw
>Called you a poophead, much to the horror of the guards present
That monster. He went too far.
what kind of fucking monster boils broccoli?
You get to choose. When you misbehave the serve it the way you don't like.
And they trust you enough to tell them what you don't like.
>thump thump thump
"What are you doing?"
>"Clinking my mug against the bars."
"That would make more sense if they were actually metal."
>He looked at you as if you just ran over his dog
>"That's barbaric! Plus, it would make too much noise."
>A guard made his way by your cell and shushed the two of you
>"Sorry! Sorry!"
"Oh please, if you really want to make some noise you gotta have a harder surface."
>You pick up your own mug as start rapping it against the polished wooden surface of the cell
>His teeth clench and his ears flatten as you sing merrily to yourself
>Sounds of complaints can be heard throughout the prison block

>An hour later, you're being faced with an angry warden
>"Do you know how many naps you interrupted with your singing?"
"All of them?"
>"ALL OF TH-" she places a hoof to her mouth, then whispers angrily "All of them!"
>You grin at her
>"Well, what do you have to say for yourself?"
>"No cookies for your afternoon snack!"
>"No arts and crafts, either!"
>"Celestia, he's a mad man! Somebody get this hothead outta here!"
"Plz, don't give me three helpings of cheddar broccoli! Anything but that!"

Fuck yeah get three helpings of cheddar broccoli!
>Be Safety Check, the prisoner guard mare.
>Be checking off the prisoners with a clipboard while the prisoners that are standing in front of their cells.
>"Alright, Anon."
>The human is nowhere to be seen.
>"Anon? Where are you?"
>You walk over to Anon's bed where you see a lump in the bed.
>"Alright Anon, it's not time for sleep for another hour..."
>You cut your own sentence off when you pull up the blanket to find only a white ball with a picture of dickbutt on it.
>You panic to start looking everywhere for Anon, to push up against a poster.
>The poster was hiding a hole.
>You quickly reach for the hoof-held radio.
>"Anon has escape! Repeat, Anon has escaped! Again!"

Much later...

>Princess Luna has arrived, since she has dealt with Anon before.
>"Fear not citizen! we shall follow his hoof trails, by following his every step!"
>Luna starts to crawl in the man made hole, while you go off to secure the prison interior.

>You are now Anon.
>It took awhile, for the nerds to leave.
>You calculated this would happen.
>Now, you pull down your pants and sit on the toilet.
>Before this all happened, you had a dinner of a specialty vegan chili that composed of beans, broccoli and asparagus.
>Then, you washed that down with a Mexican coke.
>For dessert, you had ice-cream with laxative gummy bears.
>Your also lactose intolerant.
>Time to get this rocky horror picture show on the road.

>You are Luna.
>This wasn't your greatest moment, or idea.
>Has Anon apparently used a sewage outflow pipe has an escape route.
>The smell reminds you of Equestria a thousand years ago.
>Oh dear, there was more sewage flowing through more then usual.
>You use your Royal canterlot voice, to no avail.

>You are Anon again.
>"Forget about the green mile, take a walk on the brown one!"
>You say while slamming your fists on your knees in laughter.
>The guards and prisoners watch in helpless horror has you continued your super runs.
Oh God my sides
>"Sweet Celestia... he's eating it all!"
>Several ponies around you start vomiting
>Even while eating lunch quietly, you still manage to disturb the peace
>"Alright everybody, it's nap time. Anonymous! Any more trouble out of you and I won't let you have a teddy bear!"
"Man, fuck you. I don't need no bear."
>Gasps sound out around you
>Fuck, you're hardcore
Do you want the moon? Because this is how you get the moon.
I have a new favorite thread.

>You realize pony prison has an entire underground of trading and economy
>The items are pretty strange though. Salt licks and cupcakes with sprinkles (the cafeteria ones don't come with sprinkles) are the most sought after items
>You remember how people in your world made fucking guns out of matchheads and elastic crossbows
>After trading, you quickly get a reputation for the best smuggler in prison
>Why? Because you hid your shit in places that isn't just under the best
>When you told another prisoner who claimed he was the best that you know how to smuggle some stuff in your anus, he puked and had to go to the infirmary
>He's still in there. Poor guy.

>Your cellmate is a purple pony with extremely complicated hair
>Her cutie marks are a pair of scissors
"What are you in for?"
>She looked pretty hard core
"I got mad at a customer and..."
"...And cut up her mane all messed up on purpose."
>Crimes against fashion. You laugh thinking that happening to Rarity.
>The mare shakes her head
"I'm a monster..."
>top kek mate
>You go to bed with a smile on your face. Though you do have to get up in the middle of the night and open the cell door to go to the bathroom.
>It's not like they kept the damn things locked.
Hey if you get the moon you get see life after the moon. Maybe they all learned to stop napping after brunch.
Is Anon allowed conjugal visits?
You mean like h-hugs and kisses on the cheeks?

Dude, that's gross.
The moon actually has a space mansion, you're isolated but living like a king.

However after the whole luna/nightmare incident they limited the sentence length to two weeks.

Two week moon vacation then back to normality and the look on the guards faces when
>you want to go back!?!
Don't get caught alone in the showers. You might get unwanted hugs, kisses, and worst of all...cuddles.
>Then, you washed that down with a Mexican coke.
Is funny cause I do that too.
>"I'm a monster..."
>>top kek mate
top kek
>"W-Well, we have a room for you to h-h-hug, if you need to."
"Nah, it's fine here."
>You give your waifu a great big hug in front of the other inmates
>They start hooting and hollering
>"How about you stroke her mane, brah!"
>"A-Anon, not in front of the others- ah!"
>You scratch her behind the ear
>The cheers start to die down
>You give her a belly rub
>"Oh god, what a couple of sickos!"
>"Alright, you two! Break it up!"
>Time for the coup de gras
>You blow a raspberry on her belly
>Half the guards around you faint
>One stares wide-eyed in horror as he watches you
>"My wife won't even let me get that far..."
>You look back up at the crowd surronding your cell with your toilet being a demented throne and you the king of crazy.
>"If you liked that joke, let me tell you about the time in third grade that involved Hugo the hornet..."

>Back to Luna.
>Oh Faust, it just never ends, the poop has officially backed up because of your glorious fat flank.
>The smell was killing you.
>The only refuge was that you can see the outside from here.
>after five minutes of nearly vomiting, you make it outside while it was raining.
>You yell to the heavens in the most dramatic way possible.
>The rain stopped after that, leaving you still soaked in Anon's super shits.

>It was later discovered that Luna essentially crawled through two hoofball fields worth of shit.
>Anon also escaped by covering hands in his own shit and threating to smear it on the guards.
>They gave him the keys to leave, after the guard that was threatened took a nice long hot shower.
>Everyone who witnessed Anon was sent to therapy.
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We were all having a fun time, and then this fucker here had to say cuddles. I hope your wieners burn in the microwave because that post made me puke.
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>I hope your wieners burn in the microwave
Dude, that was harsh.
Oh yeah?


I can't believe you said that to him

A week of jail for you mister
anon finds a guard to be adorable trying to be all mean and authoritative, he just picks him up at lights out everyone gets a nightlight of course and cuddles him until morning
You. Fucking. Monster.

I hope a mod sees this and bans your ass.
Two weeks of jail for you
fuck man, thats really harsh! I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

>As your trading power grows you start to desire more comforts in your prison environment
>You've got the wealth and power now, and you're the head of the very first Equestrian prisoner gang
"What's a gang?"
>You get asked that a lot. You just tell them you're a big group of friends that helps each other out, with a few payments to the friends who recruited you
>The pyramid scheme actually works here, because the ponies are gullible
>Though now that you think about it, you probably could do the same thing to Equestria itself
>Nah, that would be cruel.
>Of course during your stay you eventually meet a nice green mare who seems quite nice
>She's shapely too
>You learn she's in here for throwing a fit in public about something or other, whatever
>You hand a camera off to the gang grunt
"Go take a picture of her ass"
>The grunt looks shocked
"B-But I could get another week for that!"
>You give him the stare down
"Bitch I'm the leader here, don't make me drop the soap next to you in the shower later!"
>He sobbed a little at the thought
>Of course rape didn't really exist in the pony world. The dropped soap joke still existed regardless for some reason
>You're not really sure why
>Anyway, the grunt eventually manages to take a picture of her ass and bring it back
>Hell yeah, porn
>Then you realize he took a picture of her butt from the side, cutie mark front and center
>Genitalia were totally out of the picture
>Can't fap to this .jpg
>You sell it off to some desperate prisoner who gives you his chocolate milk at lunch every day now
>You also get an extra half a fruit bar every other lunch
>It's good to be king
That butt gets two weiners and we only get one?! What a teacher's pet.

Very Bad language

Three weeks

Oh that's too much

Two and a half
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>>"My wife won't even let me get that far..."
oh that poor stallion
>You feel two hooves press into your back in a quick shove
>You barely manage to stop yourself from faceplanting in your (Vegetarian) Shepard's Pie
>"Oh, what's wrong, Anon? Not so strong now are you?"
>The voice mocking calls you out
>With a force of will you beat down the desire to toss the smarmy fuck across the cafeteria
>You've been on the Guard's shit list ever since you held up Afternoon Aerobics with your display of dominance last week
>The warden believed that you didn't mean it so you only had one pudding cup cut from your weekly diet
>You weren't eager to lose the other thirteen
>As it was, Sunday evenings were less chocolatey than you could stand
>Luckily, one of the guards had taken pity on you and in exchange for an hour of belly rubs a night you got a Cookie's'n'Cream pudding cup every Sunday at Midnight
>Funnily enough, that was her name

>You turn very slowly towards the culprit of your almost ruined meal
>It's none other than Gym Rat
>Turns out, you broke his previous record
"Oh it's alright, Gym Rat, I know you didn't mean anything by it."
>His eye twitches as he struggles to come up with a suitable retort
>"Chyeah? See you later, MONKEY BOY!"
>Gym Rat and his snickering posse leave you in presumed defeat
>A guard catches your eye and nods respectfully in your direction
>Fuck yeah, getting brownie points for dealing with it
>Seriously, they have a point system
>You can cash them in for prizes and shit
>Fuck, pie's getting cold

I'm sorry.
I just got so angry at him, I didn't know what I was saying.
I'll go to my cell now.
*hands over cookie and juice box*
Belly rubs. Only a prisoner would agree to do something so depraved.
>Later in your cell
>Cookies and Cream lies snoring peacefully in your lap
>You hear Gym Rat approaching, just on time
>You asked him during your weekly spa session to meet you at your cell
>He appears in the cell door and you motion for him to be quiet as you gently scratch Creamy's ear
>"What do you want, Anon?"
"Look man, I just wanted to straight up with you. I feel really bad about acting like such a jerk to you last week. It was real mean and I'm super sorry."
>Just like you rehearsed
>Gym Rat looks a little down
>"I'm sorry too, bro. Can we put this behind us, be pals again?"
"Yeah, I'd like that."
>You hold your hand out for a hoofshake
>As you puts his hoof in you hand, you grab it and cover his mouth
"We ain't buddies, guy."
>Careful not to wake Cookie, you knock Rat out and perform your dastardly deed

>Next day
>Get called down to the Warden's office
>Gym rat is in there, still crying
>No words need to be said, for as soon as you walk into the room you can't stop laughing
>Rat is shaved buck-naked like his namesake and in place of his cutie mark are your initials
>You didn't even try to hide it
>You fucking run this place and you own his ass
>Wonder how many belly wubs it'll take for Creamy to sneak you your missing pudding ration
>God knows you lost two more from this stunt
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Shit forgot to link >>22829330
Cookiesncream is one lewd mare

There there

It all going to be ok
I honestly thought he was going to shake his hoof but pull his hand away the second before which makes Gym Rat cry.
>Even here, Anon gets his good boy points
>"Anon! What is that racket? Why do you keep screaming reeeee?"
>"Someone, sedate him! Get the soft vanilla scented candles!"
>"Forget it, the STRONG vanilla scented candles!"
>you will never get your own little cuddleslut


Fuck, my sides

>Anon blows a raspberry on a mare's belly
>They put him in a hannibal lecter mask to protect the rest of Equestria from him
>good boy points
You deserve a week in jail for what you did to my sides.
Could've done that too, I think that actually would've been funnier.

I'm falling asleep though; it's past midnight here.

Hell, the Tattoo was supposed to be dickbutt but someone beat me to the punch and dickbutt gets old fast.

Fuck we need a /ROBOT/ anon story.

I hear she also trades weekend passes to the spa for belly farts.
>Fuck we need a /ROBOT/ anon story.
I agree. It would be perfect.
>Would it hurt you if I took off the mask
"It would be extremely tickly."
>You've got big hands
"For you."
>"So, you want your timeout knocked down by 2 minutes, eh? I'll see what I can do... but first, you must do something for me~"
>Cookie lies on her back and spreads her hind legs
>You whimper as you reach out your hand
>"Oh, Anon~ Yes! Harder! Harder!"
>The last vestiges of your dignity leave as you perform the depraved act
>Belly rubs
>This shouldn't be allowed to continue
>But the higher ups turn a blind eye to the debauchery of the guards
>At least she was kind enough to treat you nice for your endeavors and not just take the cuddles like some of the other guards
>Your cell mate wasn't so lucky
>He was accosted in the showers
>The on duty guard whispered compliments in his ear for an hour
>Poor sap will never be the same
Well I wish for you to bump your toe into a piece of wooden furniture

So I'm a drawfag, I kind of want to draw cookies n Cream, what does she look like fellas?
This entire thread is gold
Chocolate with a white mane and tail or white with a chocolate mane and tail. Whichever one looks better.
try a light cream coat with dark gray spots in specific areas. tan mane.
white with a chocolate mane!, now eye shape. Do we want the oval, the leaf or the droop?
Tan coat, dark brown mane with white highlights
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>You will never find out that C'n'C is a cuddle voyeur
>You will never get back at your cellmate taking your pudding by vigorously rubbing Creamy's belly in front of them
>You will never reduce her into a panting mass of happy little horse while your cellmate lies mortified on the other end of the cell
>She will never thank you with a hug and a friendly nuzzle.

I kind of just pictured her as a white mare with brown messy mane when I wrote her.

Kind of like R63 Pip I think.
Pretty much this >>22829622


Leaf is more aggressive. Fits her brutal methods.
>For some reason, the cafeteria is completely silent today
>You raise your head away from your chocolate chip pancakes to see the other prisoners looking in fear at a pony making his way to your table.
>The mare's got a military cut blue mane and a dark gray coat
>"So, you're that anon, huh tough guy?"
>She puts her hooveso nthe table to stare straight in your eyes from over your pancakes
>You burp
>"Well, I heard you think you're mean. I just want you to know that I'm meaner. I'm going to be here for two weeks"
>She pauses dramatically, before smirking
>"And a half"
>You hear a commotion around, the other prisoners murmur to each other as the rumour is confirmed.
>You'd be slightly surprised by this display of balls (or ovaries, as it may be) if she wasn't scrunching while trying to be intimidating
"Oh, wow. That's a pretty big sentence." You sau jokingly
>"For YOU, maybe. Two weeks, huh? And you thought you were top dog" She says. "Remember the name Harsh H. Shoe, Anon, because I run this now."
"What DID you do?"
>She smirks
>"Repeat public decency offense. What do you think, poopiehead?"
>"What's that, too scared to talk, dunder-head?"
>Some of the other inmates start clearing out.
>"That's what I thought sit down and just eat your pancakes like a good. Little. Poo."
>She DIDN'T.
>You stare straight in her eyes, narrowing yours.
"You don't know who you are messing with...."
>"Oh yeah?"
>You could break her
>But why not have some fun?
"Yeah....Potty mouth."
>The murmurs start going up again.
"Your mom must've cleaned the bathroom with her mouth for you to turn out like this."
>Harsh takes a step back, eyes wide
>The room falls silent
>You smirk
>"No...Nopony taks that way about my mother, you....You....!"
>It's on now
Joke's on her, her sister's attracted to guys who've done hard time. Unfortunately, none of the limpdicked stallions who go into the penal system have had the balls to hit on a Princess - until now.
Nobody knows where he got the motorcycle from, where he got a leather jacket and helmet in Luna's size, or how to get back to sleep after he guns it around the castle.
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Give her a long mane, too.

Like the one one the right.
I like the messy mane, can we give her a hat?
Nuu. No long mane. I want short mane! SHORT MANE!
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Green mare
Some other anon is sitting there wondering why that guy keeps making trouble
>ponytail sticking through a baseball cap
muh weakness...
Oh shi- spit son!
This. A correctional officer baseball cap with her ponytail mane sticking out through the back.
>You are Anon again.
>Back in prison again.
>This time, your uniform was upgraded to black.
>The uniforms go, Black, red, orange and grey.
>Grey was for minor crimes corner which were filled with well meaning, but confused ponies.
>Orange was filled with medium and career criminals, like assault and con artists.
>Red was were you used to be, was reserved for someone doing anti-government protesting or mass cuddlers.
>Black was supervillian tier, which was reserved for people who directly effected the royalty or proven a threat to Equestria.
>Back to the story at hand.
>Your sitting at the rouges table.
>Sombra, Chrysalis and Discord.
>You were the quickest eater at the table.
>However, you left your dessert alone.
>"Hey, Anon why didn't you eat your dessert?"
>Discord asked, while in his Bane costume.
>You look around twice to make sure no one was close to your table.
>"I was part of the cooking staff this morning, don't eat the cake. It's laced with the gummy bears."
>Sombra looks up from his bowl of crystals with crystal dust covering his face.
>"Yes, also don't use the washrooms. Just watch."
>You said to the group while pointing out to the mess hall at large.
>The group watches for a bit, before one orange uniform pony asks the guard to use the washroom.
>The guard escorts her to the washroom.
>A few moments later, shouting can be heard from the washrooms.
>"It's not going down!"
>The prisoner shouted out.
>At this time more prisoners started to rush the washroom without the guards permission.
>As the prisoners continue to put their hooves between their crotch area, has the washroom is now full.
>A brownish liquid starts to seep from under the door.
>"What's taking so long! I need the little ponies room!"
>One of the prisoners shouted with frustration.
>"The toilets are getting clogged! Don't use the washroom!"
>The guard said has she put herself between the door and the prisoners.
>"She's not letting us through! Let's storm the place!"
Seems you have been out voted my friend ku ku ku.
>Repeat public decency offense
"Normalfag get out! Get out of my cafeteria REEEEEEEEEEEEEE-!"
>"Um, are you okay, Anon?"
>Anon is now curled up on the floor and crying his eyes out
>Some guards take Harsh away, shaking their heads at her over aggressiveness
>One kind soul comes up and puts something in your clasping hands
"T-thanks Miss. I'm sorry for making such a commotion..."
>The mare just grabs your head and rocks you back and forth as you munch on your chicken tendies

>You stand up for dramatic effect
"What did you call me, dumb head?"
>"I called you a JERK. And you know what? You are also a BUTT."
>There is a very big circle surrounding both of you. Everybody seems too scared to come close.
>You are actually having trouble trying to come up with insults that are as nice as possible
"Why don't you come and say that up close, you pineapple-face?!"
>"I WOULD, but you....You are UGLY."
>She's going all the way
"Oh yeah, what would YOU know? You don't."
>You take one step further. Harsh is sweating to keep her ground
>She takes a step back when you get within two steps"
>Silence. Harsh isn't broken, but you can see some tears starting to form on her eyes. In the distance, you can hear the guardsponies coming
>It's now or never
>How do you finish her off?
>You cut your ministrations short and raise your hand
>"H-Huh? Anonnn, why'd you shtop?"
>Cookie and your cellmate watch with interest as your hand makes its way from her belly over her face, your index finger outstretched
>Instantly they both realize what you were going to do as their eyes widened in mixed emotions of shock and interest
>Cookie blushes intensely and your cellmate raises a hoof to his mouth
>You place the finger firmly to her nose and whisper
>Her tongue lolls out in pure bliss, going cross eyed at the motion
>Next to you, the hushed whisper of your audience brings a smile to your face
>"He's an animal... a sexual animal!"
>You got two extra pudding cups today
Unfortunately for you, ponytail mane is long.
I like the baseball hat idea liek these guys, >>22829711, >>22829727, but do what you want with her

Anything. Even hairbrushing

My heart.
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Guys, this is a no fighting, no bully zone. Please keep your hurtful comments in your personal Therapy Diaries.

Pathetic. Now here's a real crime.

Nigga that is adorable.
I fucking love /r9k/ anon.

>A prisoner shouted out with one hoof in the air, while another holding down the crotch.
>The guard reaches for her radio.
>"We got a situation down here! Send the riot squad down here now!"
>The prisoners try to push through the guards.
>piles of poop started to show up on the floor.
>The guards and prisoners uniforms were starting to turn brown.
>Cuss words like 'poopie head and big fat butt head.' were thrown around by the prisoners.
>The riot squad shows up in black armor and pillow shields with long pillow batons.
>The prisoners start to throw food and poop at the guards in response.
>You and your group have moved away from the action, just to sit back and laugh.
>"Anon, you may not be a chaos god, but I consider you a brother!"
>Discord says while giving you large hug.
>Chrysalis is just rolling her eyes at the whole situation.
>Sombra went back to the line for more crystals.
>Call her a whorse
>Sentenced to corporal punishment
>Sexy warden spanks Anon with riding crop
>After each round Anon responds with "THANK YOU MA'AM, MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?"
Wardens haven't spanked their prisoners since the old days. Is that even legal?
>riding crop made out of twizzlers
>she takes a bite after every smack
>who says spankings can't be delicious?
I want Sombra to communicate with nothing but Crystals and various cersersions of the word. Like

>"Crystals, Crystal Crystals, Crrrrrrrystals."

"I actually do prefere white wine, but to each their own."

and maybe ha can actually say chrystalis cause its close and it would annoy her.
I'm thinking of pony prison uniforms.

Grey: Minor crimes.
Orange: Medium crimes.
Red: Major crimes, usually life.
good enough for me


>You lean down, nearby
>In her ear, only to her, you whisper
>That's it. She starts crying and backs off, blubbering nonsense as you smile evily
>The guards arrive, looking at the scene
"Don't worry! I'll go on my own!"
>You raise your hands with a victorious smile, and look at your defeated opponent
"Oh, and by the way?"
"Yo momma too."
Princess Luna kept it legal because watching ponies get spanked is her fetish.
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>Anon lands in Equestria
>Anon quickly becomes a world famous musician
>Not for any instrument, but for introducing the style of rap
>Toned down to kids-bop level, of course, for these fragile ponies.

The average performance by Anon: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x35P2wTX0zg
So, do Anon and Chrysalis fuck whenever her self-esteem drops low enough and they manage to find a private spot?
I imagine she always regrets it afterward, swearing to him "this was the last time", but he's always just so convincing that she stands no chance, ultimately developing a dependency on him and wow that got dark.
As part of his community service Anon creates this song and video

It becomes a sensational hit across Equestria.
So I kinda imagine this is how prisons will be a few decades after the SJWs take over the world.
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Ok, I got a rough concept, so bare with me, we can add/subtract what we want before I make the final decision
Unless you're a straight white man.
>In one of his new songs, Anon mentions how he doesn't like vegetables that much and prefers not to eat them.
>He gets a massive fine from the Record Industry Association of Equestria and has to apologize in another song.
>Both are number 1 smash hits.
Holy shit, this is wonderful.

What if instead of all that hair sticking out in the front, there was just one long bang that ran down the side of her face?
>And then, Anon was shipped off to the Badlands to guard the border.
could work, need to hear the words of others.
You just get executed for crimes against wymen
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>Nap time is at 4, not 3
Your a fucking monste-
>Breakfast is pancakes with less syrup than you'd prefer

>after another night of depraved, filthy belly rubbing Cookie slowly sits on the bed, satisfied and panting
>You know you should pretend it's bad, but you kinda like it. And hey, she's cute.
>But tonight you decided to pull one of your aces. You cellmate seems to be dropping his guard, too
>Just as Cookie recovers her breath, you lean down very close
>Her eyes widen
>You boop her nose with your own


>Be anon
>okay, maybe you exagerated a little bit.
>You got FOUR puddings, ehich is ballin', but now every few hours cookie appears by to check and her legs go woobly when she sees you
>Maybe you should have waited to unleash the Super Destructor Boop
I like it as is.
>Laugh at this thread
>Remember how Discord got turned to stone twice and Luna got banished for 10,000 years

You know normal punishment may be like this, but don't fuck with the Princess.

And this is how we get a Harley Quinn and Joker situation started.

Sure, Anon's worse maniacal crimes would be using slingshots to make foals drop their lolipops while cookie makes sure that the only other ones they have are the sticky, slightly melted into the cover ones. But he would still be the number one criminal. Who ruins childrens' candies, you monster?
Are you fucking daft!? Why ruin, when you can steal candy from foals!
This is my favorite.
>So what we doin mista A?
"Taking candy from a baby"
>Ohh that sounds good puddin
Check it out, see how it looks.
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>You are Anon
>Sent to Equestrian Prison for your repeated failure to comply with Celestias demands you stop squatting on Sweet Apple Acres
>Which is totally unfair
>Because who the fuck builds a house in the middle of the forest and doesn't expect crazy mountain men to break in and start screaming about the devil at children inside.
>This is your first day in prison
>Equestria being such a nice place must mean the prisons are brutal
>You're ushered into the courtyard to see a large group of mares trotting around tending to the gardens
>Obviously a ruse to pacify inspections from hum- pony rights groups.
>A voice calls to you from behind
>"Hi, Anon right? I'm Sunshine Meadows, your warden!"
>A pudgy little mare with a bright yellow mane and an apron covered in flowers beams at you
>You start to sweat
>This bitch must be hardcore to be wearing a thing like that
>"A-Anon! Yes! Submitting myself to incarceration!"
>You nervously stutter out
>"Incarceration? " she asks tilting her head >"Ooh don't you think thats a bit of a harsh word?"
>Shit you've pissed her off for sure
>"Y-yes maam! I won't use it again"
>Fuck that sounded so sarcastic
>She beams another big smile at you
>"Oh, okay!"
>She leads you further into the yard and tells you about all the facilities
>You aren't listening though. You're too busy eyeing up the other inmates
>Trying to find the toughest one
>"Well anyways Anon i'm sure you'll fit right in here. If you'll excuse me I have to finish baking cookies for tomorrows sale."
>"Ah...yes ma'am! Thank you"
>She begins to trot off but stops and turns back remembering something
>"Oh and if you have any questions and i'm not around ask Pretty Petals, she's sort of the queenie bee in my absence"
>She makes a little buzzing noise while making loop-dee-loops with her hoof
>You look over to see an aging mare with a big poofy mane pressing flowers in books with other inmates
Now imagining this

with this, just makes it even more hhngg


Y-you're insane!
>Be Anon.
>Be part of the supervillian group.
>Today was Friday.
>Which was Chicken Tendies day.
>Plus the poop riot was last week, so you racked up a ton of GBP.
"Well, we're the front of the line this time."
>You pointed out since it's normally a hard thing to be in the first place.
>It took a lot of threats towards the prisoners to secure the position.
>Now, you and your friends were first in line and thus meaning that large amounts of chicken tendies.
>However, when you got to where the chicken tendies are, they were replaced with deep-fried asparagus.
"Where the fuck are the tendies!"
>The entire room is dead silent at the entire sentence.
>One, the word fuck is used.
>Two, there was no tendies.
>The guards start to approach you carefully.
>The cafetaria cook starts to stutter.
>"O-one of the e-elements of harmony asked the Princesses to change the menu."
>She was going to go to a special place in hell.
>Chrysalis speaks up.
>"This treatment is horrid, we demand chicken tendies now!"
>The line cheers from Cheers from Chrysalis's demand.
>"Crystals, crrrystalls, crystalis, crrrrrystalssss."
>The crowd cheers, although with murmurs of confusion.
>Discord starts to raise one of his talon fingers up, before the guards shout
>"Oh no you don't!"
>Discord holds his paws out.
>"Whoa, I don't know how this got out of hand, but I've been in the prison system for a thousand and some years now, I think I get to say something at this point."
>The guards murmur in agreement and back off from Discord.
>Discord coughs before he says his line.
>A riot breaks out, destroying most of the cafetaria and sending half the guards to the hospital for wedgies, noogies, tummy rubs, tickles and the dreaded wet willy.
>"Anonymous, you have been brought here today for judgement of your crimes against ponykind, not the least of which include three counts of taking more than your fair share of cookies, five counts of not holding the door open for other ponies, twelve counts of sneezing without covering your mouth, SIXTEEN counts of drinking milk out of the carton-" the jury gasps "and pulling the tag off of two different mattresses!"
>You hear one of the weaker-hearted ponies fainting
>"And now you have finally been brought before the court after initiating ear scratches to one of the princesses without permission, in public no less!"
>There are angry calls now for soft paddlings and bedtime without dessert
>"With the mounting evidence brought before you, how do you plead?"
>Gasps ring out throughout the audience and the judge is forced to slam his squeaky-gavel to silence them
>"Order! Order in this court! Anonymous! I hereby sentence you to one WEEK in the Manehatten prison, general population! Do you have any last statements for the court?"
"Yes, your honor, I do."
>You take a deep breath and grin
>Screams of outrage and horror rock the court
>The guards lead you away as your laughter rings through the walls
>"Take him away! This- This hooligan has made me cranky! I'm getting too old for this... goodness, I need a warm glass of milk and a nap."
>"Oh my word!"
>The judge faints and the court is sent into another uproar
>And so begins your time as one of the most notorious known criminals in Equestria
>Ponies talk about you on 4clop as one of the biggest edgelords of the century
>Parents tell their colts and fillies horror stories about you, hiding in closets to spirit away naughty children
>I-It was just that once... she had a cutie mark, you swear!
>>Discord coughs before he says his line.
my sides
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What would happen if you slapped Celestia right on that big cutie mark of hers?
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Oh I like her more and more now.

Alright give me a sec, how exactly do you want the one bang?
I love this thread so much....
So... is she an earth pony, or a pegasus?
A thousand years on the naughty stool.
>You look over to your right
>Luna looks over at you with bags under her eyes
>"They- They don't even play Wheels On The Bus for music time."
>how exactly do you want the one bang?
I figured maybe running down the left side of her face, along her cheek. Maybe curling upwards at the base of her jaw?
hasn't been decided yet. Might try as unicorn for the one bang.

I want to boop her mouth with my mouth.
... I've never seen pudding cups look so provocative in my life. Kudos drawfriend.
>initiating ear scratches to one of the princesses without permission
My new fetish: forcing Shining Armor to watch his wife be cuddled, tickled and belly-rubbed by another male (or female)

She's an alicorn.
>A dreamscape surrounds you
>"Anonymous. I've brought you here today for a very special reason. You've done something not even I was able to do."
>"You fucked a pony into ascension. Mad props, Anon, mad props."
>You bump her outstretched hoof
>Suddenly, music starts to float in from all around you
>"You've come~ such a long, long way~"
>Is she singing?
>"But you've still got two days left in the dungeon."
>The record screeches to a halt
>You wake up in your cell, a bead of sweat rolling down your face
>The guard was right, you need to stay way the hell away from those fish sticks
More things to play with, agreed.

More expressive. Wing boners are not expressive. DENIED!
Fucking fish sticks... I'm getting flash backs from elementary... oh god.
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>cloop make 4clop around 2004
>/b/ Is full of fillies trying to be rude
>donkenewell made table top games unmodable
>/b/ has INSULTED at least 4 people and borrowed without permission at least 2 times, so it's known as the boogeyman of the interclop.
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>wings aren't expressive
nigger i will cut you
If we addressed her that rudely, she'd probably slap our shit.
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>One day in the prison you are awoken by shouting and hollaring
>It's a riot!
>You get up and open the emergency lock from inside the cell (what if the pony was trapped in a cell and couldn't escape from a fire!) and see what is going on
>They are raiding the library
>Comic books, Daring Doo stories, the works
>The guards stand up in a line and get out megaphones
"Please go back to your cells and drop the books! Ok you can keep some of the books- Ok you can keep ALL of the books, but please stop yelling!"
>Ponies return to cells and spend all night reading
>The next day the guards berate everyone for staying up so late but extent nap time so we aren't all so grouchy
>Prison rules bitch
I've already seen that Screen cap. Hugo the Hornet was never the same
Reminder of what Equestria considers "hard timers".
>lollygagging isnt on the list
pleb tier.
>not returning library books

>"Well well well, if it isn't The Cream. Where'd you get that nickname, Cookie? From the way you "cream" your enemies?"
>"A-Actually, I got it from the first time mistah A entered my guard station and started pulling off my jammies-"
>"Holy sheesh, I don't need to know anymore! You're coming in, whether you like it or not!"
>"Funny, that's the same thing mistah A said-"
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>"A-Actually, I got it from the first time mistah A entered my guard station and started pulling off my jammies-"
thats kinda hot
Nah I don't like her as Harley (sorry non)
Somophila pony
>still no greens of prison snuggles

Damn, would not fuck with that applejack, and Rarity looks like a villain from a James Bond movie
Top kek.
request accepted.

>As you lay on your bottom bunk, you stare up at the bottom of your cellmate's bunk.
>He's so afraid of you.
>You're easily the most defiant prisoner they've ever dealt with.
>The funny thing is, it's not even something you try to do.
>It just sort of happens.
>You know he's not asleep.
>He never falls asleep before you.
>You speak gently, and you see his bunk move from the flinching reaction he had to your voice.
>He's not going to answer.
>You roll out of bed and stand up, easily towering over the top bunk where your cellmate lays facing away from you, visibly shaking at this point.
>He curls into a tight ball under his covers and whimpers slightly.
>You reach out a hand and pull the covers down so his head is visible.
>His eyes are shut tight.
>You prop an elbow onto his bed and lean down slightly.
"Look, I know you're deathly afraid of me for various reasons."
>His whimpers grow louder.
"But you know what?"
>You rub a hand across the back of his head through his stringy mane.
>A tear rolls down his cheek as he begins audibly sobbing.
"We're going to change that..."
>You pull your hand away from his head as you pull yourself into his bunk, pulling the covers over yourself as you go.
"Right now."
>He continues to sob as you press your body up against his and your hand snakes its way up his chest.
>You gently stroke his chest fluff and pull him tighter against you, and raise your knees up to cup him in your body.
>Your free hand finds its way under the pillow and his head.
>The fingers on his chest fluff continue doing their work, and one of his legs starts to twitch.
>You grin and whisper softly into his ear.
"I'm going to cuddle you until you love it."
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Loitering in the first degree will get you more timeout than involuntary lollygagging, anyway.

>"You know the nickname The Anon got in Maximum Timeout, right?"
>"They called him...Warm Milk."
This thread is glorious.
Reminds me of the time Anon cuddled Celestia against her will in front of the whole guard. She cried in despair because she knew there was nothing she could do to stop him.
Don't forget, non-consensual cuddling in Equestria is as serious as rape is here.
I love you, I love this thread, and by God I hope to see more.
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Its time for cuddle rape
one of the tougher ponies shows off his rub-on tattoo to anon
anon's reply is to show his ink (which is a scary snake or something)
the hard boiled promptly faints
the hard boiled stallion promptly faints

No way, the hard boiled stallion would obviously use branding, because fur.
so maybe a dick piercings instead?
branding seems to intense for little ponies
face painting maybe?
>Be Anon.
>Be in Equestria jail for being the hardcore badass you are.
>Stand in line waiting for your food.
>"Which sort of cake do you want Anon?"
>the elderly lady asks you with a smile.
"Cake? Keep that shit Grandma, and give me more of that healthy stuff, I want the broccoli and the cheese, thats what that body needs."
>The hall gets dead silent and everyone stares at you in shock.
>"Did he really just say that?" you hear another prisoner whisper.
"I don't even like sweet stuff that much."
>You add with a dirty grin.
>Thats too much for them to handle.
>Your fellow prisoners stare at you in terror, as the first begin to flee, shouting
>"He is a monster! Guards, save us!"
>But the guards are no longer there, they couldn't take it and retreated.
>The lunch mare passed out in her chair.
>You take your tablet, sit down at your table in the middle of the hall and watch the last fleeing ponies run to the exit.
>As you pleasurably eat your meal, you hear the whimpering of the terrified ponies, prisoners and guards.
>Maybe you'll brush your teeth not long as usual today.
>Feels good to be badass.
>/mlh/ filled with lewd yet off topic generals like "human fingers are the best for petting"
>no wonder Lauren Huf it's german left us

Nah, they crash through walls and piles of rock like it's fucking nothing, and fly through Quarray Eel-infested canyons for a thrill, so branding really would be tame by pony standard.

Scarring is another option.
one pony did that.
I love this thread.

One pony flew through Quarray-Eel territory and crashed headfirst into a pile of rocks, sure, but no one tried to stop her, and no one fainted. Her friends were eating popcorn while they watched, for fucks sake.

Besides, there are several who crash through walls and similar, and even one who voluntarily lives inside the Everfree Forests.
You haven't been in this thread very long, have you?
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I haven't, but I do watch the show.

You haven't been on this board very long, have you?

Faggots, read the thread.
This is about Anon being a badass intentionally or not in a super soft Equestrian penal system while they take it deadly serious.
If you want show canon there are other threads for that, like anywhere else on the board.
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As long as you keep it somewhat show-related fun is definitely allowed, when you start writing greentext worthy of Lord Anders you've lost your 4chan privileges. Back to >>>/reddonychandaily/ with you.
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>replace all "Anon" with "Lord Anders"

Oh god... It makes way too much sense... What have I done?
not "littering"
how can you live with yourself after passing up such a chance?
>You are attempting to arrange your shit collection in order of length and hues, but keep getting distracted by the sounds of joy in the background.
>Apparently all the inmates had arranged some sort of games to be played following the usual evening events.
>They were all laughing together, having just a great time.
>It pissed you off so much.
>How could you get around to your shit with all of them being so noisy?
>You wipe your hands off on your shirt and stand up before beginning your short trek out into the commons.
>It's there you find all the inmates sharing various silly stories.
>Most of them are certainly not true, but that doesn't matter.
>What matters is they're having fun.
>It causes your neck veins to bulge and your biceps to twitch.
"Hey! All you faggots need to stop having fun right fucking now!"
>A hush falls over the large group, most likely because they're contemplating obeying your wishes.
>Much to your shock and dismay, the fun continues, almost as if you didn't just yell at the for it.
>Your jaw drops.
>You can't understand it.
>That has always worked before.
>A tear forms in the corner of your eye as you turn around and slouch in shame.

youre a huge fucking faggot, is what im trying to say.

I summon the writefags!
He is not kidding you know that?
Speaking of slapping royalty on the ass, that Machinations of a Trickster story had the main character slapping the ass of female royalty he had met at the end of each arc.
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>um, can I have a question, for all the punishment you have me, I feel very guilty can someone of you (ponies) rape me?
Now I REALLY wish I had been around for that...
Got any screencaps?
Oi I like this one so far
holy fuck the puddin' nickname fits so well it actually hurts
>Go to prison
>Meet a colt who is your cell mate
>He's a blankflank
>One night you get lonely
>Forcibly drag him into your bed and cuddle him hard
>He gets his cutie mark which is just a pair of hands on each flank
"Looks like you really were born to be a prison bitch."
I found it, but I gotta warn you - I had forgotten some of the details, so it didn't exactly happen the way I posted it.
Regardless, here you go - it's the last one in the paste, at the bottom.

B-by the gods, how l-lewd
Anon is a hell raiser. One time he refused to put the toys back where they belong and lied by saying someone else had took them out.
>"one time at lunch somepony called Anon a softie."
>"so he licked his fingers and touched all of his food so he wouldn't have any."
"man, that's cold."
>"all the guy had left to eat were his brussel sprouts."
"n-no dessert?"
This whole thread I was thinking "Anon is Equestria's Joker." and you beautiful bastards made it so.
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Please moar

>Without the sun how will I get some hot vitamin D doses in the penal institute?
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I love this thread
That makes me think of Nappa.
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>"A-Actually, I got it from the first time mistah A entered my guard station and started pulling off my jammies-"

Jesus fucking christ that's hot.
Now we need a ponified Morgan Freeman narrating about the day Anon Nymous first arrived at prison.
>Anon gets a prison tattoo
>It's a frownie face
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And now I am watching The Joker and Harley Quinn things on youtube.

I love this thread.
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>Not watching Joker scenes frequently just for fun
>watching jewtube
enjoy your botnet
uhhh huh huh huh huh, you said penal.
>"So, Anonymous, you're finally leaving us today?"
>You scratch the stubble around your chin. For the last few days you haven't been shaving. You used the hour they gave you in the morning for getting ready to chat to the guards.
>"You gave us some real trouble in that first week, you know?"
"Yes, warden."
>"Yes, quite some trouble. But it was nice of you to calm down a little for the final week. Now, do you have somewhere to go?"
"I have some friends to apologise to, and then I'll think about a place to stay. I'm sure my house is still being fumigated."
>For a little while the Warden shuffles some papers and looks busy.
>"Cookies N' Cream will be sad to see you go, I think. You made quite the impression."
"She's nice." You say automatically, you've rehearsed this so she won't get into trouble. "And a terrific guard."
>"Something I am well aware of. It's nice that you were able to make a friend while you were in here."
>You nod.
"I'd say a couple of the other black jumpsuits are my friends too. Sombra's not much of a conversationalist, but he listens."
>The warden chuckles. Then her face falls into something a little more pensive.
>"I've really had to work hard because of you, Anonymous. Really push myself... it's going to be... quiet with you gone."
>For a while you say nothing, then a slow realisation dawns.
"Well, assuming nothing happens that keeps me here a little longer."
>"Don't be silly Anonymous, you couldn't possibly... I don't know... hug me without permission from where you're sat. Just the two of us, alone in my office. It's absurd.
>You slowly stand up.

>The office door is flung open and a furious looking warden addresses the nearest guard.
>"Excuse me, Tough Act? Please escorts Mr Anonymous to solitary confinement immediately. See that he's there for AT LEAST 45 minutes!"
>Tough Act shudders a little, but puts on a brave face as he escorts you to the Naughty Corner.
>Another week behind bars.
>How would you ever cope?
I've made friends on the inside.

We're all a dysfunctional little family, in here.
I raped my jail mate she now sings as her stomach grows you really can't do anything to make them snap
Anon enjoys being in prison so much that we he's released he gets a job as a guard.
He and Cookie are very happy together.

He's regarded as the finest example of the Equestrian Penal System in recent years. Inmate to correctional officer of high regard in just three weeks.

The prisoners all like him, though they fear his rather harsh punishments. Talking out of turn once got Hardened Crim 40 minutes on the stool!
40 minutes!

His authority is respected absolutely. And he doesn't abuse his position (beyond the occasional cuddle. Though he never initiates, only responds to whispered requests.)

They say he's being fast-tracked to make warden one day soon.
We need more story's. Anybody got that summoning circle from last Tuesday? We need it again.
I'm trying, but the juices aren't flowing. I'm cold and am in need of a sandwich.

I'll see if anything springs to mind during the process of sandwiching.
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Here you go
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>"W-Warden Anonymous, sir?"
"Warden... Yes, I am the warden now, aren't I?"
>"Yes sir."
"I'm the warden. And tonight, your pussy is on lock down."
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I just woke up so it'll take a few minutes for everything to start churning again.

It's so fucking awesome to see this thread still alive.
>"Is the viking helmet really necessary?"
>Hardened Crim

I made myself laugh.

Sorry, just tooting my own horn a little.
This is my new favorite thread right here.
Anon always gets two desserts. Rumor is he's cuddling one of the guards.
What? I thought horses shit on the road all the time.
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>"we gots a problem with yous."
>"Yeah" adds the thug sidekick.
"Have you lovely mares ever seen a band-aid removed?"
>They run off shrieking, tears streaming from their eyes.
>Anon just goes back to eating.
This entire thread is such top kek.
>It is time.

>Now, this is the story all about how
>Prison's life got flipped, turned upside down!
>So I'd like to take a minute, just keep cuddling, Cream
>And I'll tell how I became the thuggest in the system

Whenever anon sings, he doesn't let other ponies join until he says they can
>They say he's being fast-tracked to make warden one day soon.
You don't say.

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>Be Anon
>You've been in the slammer for three weeks now and the faces of your fellow inmates change with the days
>Be out in the yard with this week's homeboys shooting hoops during pre-snack Recess
>Turns out, HORSE was a thing here too
>Little horses wish they could match your mad skills
>Time was almost up and you wanted to finish this session with a bang
>A quick self-alleyoop and you are sailing towards net more majestically than a slow motion fat-person-fail montage
>Time slows down and you can feel the yards eyes on you as you pull off the most historic play in Recess history
>Suddenly, you feel something's wrong
>You're too high
>You over-compensated
>Your arm comes up in a futile attempt to stop the inevitable but it's too late for mercy
>The rim connects with your jaw in a spectacular fashion and all you can see is little Jordan's swimming in your vision, shaking their heads in dissappointement
>Stupid fucking shorty-ass horse nets
>How can a brother dunk on that?
>Shit's racist yo
>You regain feeling in your everything and find yourself lying on the ground
>A tingling sensation builds in your arm and suddenly all you can feel is the burning needles that are spearing your palm
>You reflexively curl around the appendage, hissing through clenched teeth
>"Whoa Anon! Are you okay, bruh?"
>"Yeah Anon, that was a nasty fall."
>A crowd builds around you, pressing in on your prone form and their muttering grows louder as they question your wellbeing
What if someone committed an actual crime? Armed robbery, rape, murder? What would happen to them?
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>You wave the concerned prisoners back with your good hand, it's just a fucking scratch
>"Alright, that's enough everyone!"
>A voice cuts in from behind the crowd
>"Step back, give him some air!"
>The crowd obediently spreads out, letting a small pink mare trot through
>"Hello Anon, I don't think we've met before, I'm Candy Stripe."
>No shit?
>The apron didn't give that one away at all
>"Now come on, show me what the damage is."
>You hesitantly hold out your hand, burning in the open air
>The muttering grows louder and you think you hear a pony collapse in the back of the crowd
>The tiny mare lets out a small "Oooh" before magicking over a small garden hose to wash the dirt off of your hand
>"Okay, Anon. Deep breaths," she commands, leading you through some breathing excersises; inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale
>She holds the third breath and you follow suit
>The cold water washes over your hand and you feel the cuts being cleansed
>You didn't even grimace
>Candy gives you a wide smile and nods her head approvingly
>You can't help but smile too
>The look lessens somewhat with her next sentence
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>"Good job, Anon! But I need to disinfect the cut now."
>She slowly levitates a bottle of peroxide out of her apron, horn glowing a gentle green
>Suppressed childhood memories come flashing back
>The stinging agony of that evil bottle was greater than the agony of every cut you'd ever had
>Reflexively, you snatch your hand back, shooting the mare a glare
>She puts on a worried look and makes soothing sounds while rubbing your arm
>"Shh, it'll be okay, Anon. I promise. Just look into my eyes and you won't feel a thing."
>In spite of the screaming voice in your head, the mare coaxes your hand out from you
>You want to trust the little mare
>Her pretty green eyes capture yours as the bottle slowly, so slowly makes its way to your hand
>From the corner of your eye you see a stallion bury his head in the shoulder of another who whispers in his ear
>You can't help but dart your eyes down as the bottle nears
>"Ah ah ah, eyes up here, Anon!"
>The mare uses a hoof to guide your gaze back to her
>You hold her gaze even as you feel the first drops of Satan's moonshine strike your open palm
>A rabid hissing fills the air as millions of germs cry out as one and are silenced
>A pony in the crowd breaks down at the sound, sobbing quietly
>This goes on forever, but you don't notice the time passing in Candy's caring green eyes
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>As soon as it begins, the hissing stops and you let out a short breath
>Candy Stripe positively beams at you while she screws the cap back onto the bottle of death
>"I'm so proud of you, Anon! You're so tough!"
>A rumble of consent echoes from the crowd
>You didn't make a peep, not one sound during that trial
"Thanks, Candy. You're the best."
>You can't help but gently scratch her white mane
>Her eyes close and she makes a happy sound as you express your gratitude
>Your stomach rumbles, reminding you that Snack Time started almost five minutes ago
>Candy's eyes snap open and she giggles at your body's protest to mild starvation
>"Come on, Anon. I hear they have Tiramisu today!"
>Fuck yeah
>Love Tiramisu
>The crowd just watches you walk towards the cafeteria doors, utterly in awe of the toughest motherfucker to walk through the front doors
>equestrIan metal is extremely weak compared to human world equivalent
>anon literally bends the bars and escapes
>Be Anon
>Be in the guard barracks with Cookie + insert random guards ponies
>Have her backed into a corner.
>You see her shaking hard
>"P-Please, Anon. Don't do this!"
>You take another step
"Oh I'm going to. I'll do it."
>You lean down and whisper in her ear
"I'm going to cuddle you. I'll cuddle you until you can't think of anything else except another scritch, head rub..."
>You let the suspense rise as she holds her breath
"Or boop" you finish.
>She starts to cry as images flash though her mind of you rubbing her belly, petting her mane, doing all these things to her
>You reach out and slowly take her ear in your hand, rubbing softly, eliciting small coos of pleasure from the guardspony

there you go

doing that thing everybody hates

of course you continue
>>Breakfast is pancakes with less syrup than you'd prefer
I once had sides. Now, they are gone.
What do the black jumpsuits mean anyways?
Do you know who I am bitch?
Anon's such a tough motherfucker he doesn't even need sides.

Or a back or a front for that matter.

Anon has no torso.

Bitch, you just jealous of my cookie cream swagger.

>Her legs grow week at your ministrations, threatening to simply give out at each slow stroke up the side of her ear
>You turn to the absolutely stunned others in the room
"Leave us."
>They bolt for the exit as fast as they can and all get stuck in the door, giving you an excellent view of their flanks, with you take advantage of
>You reach out and rub a single finger along the underside of one of the stuck ponies, pressing firmly, from her chest to the tip of her crotch
>She screeches and, somehow, manages to squeeze through the small space, allowing the other two to tumble after her
>You turn back to little Ms.Cream, who you've kept so "willing" with your attentions to her ear

At least one more part, maybe two but hope for one.
>Anon finds the biggest, scariest stallion in the prison
>boops him
>warden & guards call him 'sir'
>The uniforms go, Black, red, orange and grey.
>Grey was for minor crimes corner which were filled with well meaning, but confused ponies.
>Orange was filled with medium and career criminals, like assault and con artists.
>Red was were you used to be, was reserved for someone doing anti-government protesting or mass cuddlers.
>Black was supervillian tier, which was reserved for people who directly effected the royalty or proven a threat to Equestria.

>Luckily, one of the guards had taken pity on you and in exchange for an hour of belly rubs a night you got a Cookie's'n'Cream pudding cup every Sunday at Midnight
>Funnily enough, that was her name
For a minute there I thought the mare's name was "Sunday at Midnight" and we were suddenly playing Time Wizards
Anon's goes to prison because he was caught diluting milk with water and calling it whole milk to make extra profit.
Reminds me of the old life-threatening booboo threads.

Anon stubs his toe and suddenly the ponies are wailing that their good friend is a goner.

"Well, now were all alone. If you thought the shitty little tease you gave me was cuddling, to me, that was foreplay."
>Her eyes widen with terror as you press your mouth close to her ear, your hot and ragged breaths cutting like a scythe into her hope of escape.
"And now, my dear. We can get down to business. Or should I say, Boopness?"
>"No, please- AHHHH!"
>But it was too late. Your mouth wrapped itself around that tender ear and with your tongue slowly prodding it, she quickly succumbed and fell to the floor
>Once she was there, you had no trouble playing her like a cello
>Nomming her ear and boops, became hard and fast strokes of your hand on her belly then her back, not minutes later.
>This went on for hours, with you changing positions and styles kept her guessing
>At first she hated it.
>Then she was indifferent about it because you would probably be done in a few minutes
>Then she began to enjoy it
>Near the end, she was wailing and moaning for you to rub faster, to boop harder
>You emerge four hours later, leaving behind a shuddering, twitching, drooling mess of guard Cream
>You walk back to your cell like the motherfucking-badass-sex-god that you are
>All mares now constantly accost you with the guards "dropping" their batons and other things before BENDING OVER to pick them up
>The stallion guards now insist on calling you "Sir" and slip you pudding and extra gummie bears when they pass by
>Pony prison is Effin' OWNED by you now.
Sadly, that's all for right now. I'll try and pastebin this and i might come back to it in a few hours.

They don't exist in Equestria. Anon could and would be the first and could wreck havoc and the pones couldn't handle it. But he's too much of a nice guy.
Drawfag please

I need more Cookies n Cream.
She needs huge fucking teats.
We don't need another Milky Way.
Yeah, nah.

How about extra fluffy wings?
>turn her into a milky way ripoff
Yeah no.
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>Milky knockoff
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Extra fluffy wings yes
>All these posts talking about ponies getting belly rubs, boops, ear scratches

Anon has sex with ponies all the time because he can't get the girlies pregnant and he has great sexual stamina.
Or so he thinks. Ponies are too nice to mention how pathetic his time is, and mares can self-abort.
wrong thread buddy

>magical pastel mares self aborting
this isnt shitty human land
this is pony land
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This has been a confirmed fanon thing though.

Average male horse's sexual endurance is around 10-12 seconds. Humans can easily last much longer. Hence all the stories about him being an easy-mode sex god.
>equestrian metal is extremely weak compared to that in the human world
>first concert of your one man band "Tartarus Bound" end with hundreds of faintings, ten bruisings and two small cuts
>your records are banned and you are thrown into the naughty corner for 15 minutes to think about what you've done
How would pones react to this song?
>babymetal is their equivalent to grindcore
>Anon plays an Iron Maiden album
>not even Number of the Beast, one of the pussy ones they made in the 90's
>Luna turns back into Nightmare Moon and makes you her King of the Night
>play the song King Night
>sent to the moon
Hahahaha, no.
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>Luna turns back into Nightmare Moon and makes you her King of the Night
Oh yes
Ooooh, I mean I could... got nothing better to do.
yes pls
>"Anon, what's grindcore?"
do. it.
Please. More.
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>The mare whispers in your grasp
>"If- Ah, if you don't stop I'm g-, I'm going to..."
>She cuts off with a soft exhale mid-sentence
>You pay her warnings no heed, continuing your ministrations
>For weeks this mare had been taking care of you, helping to release your frustrations
>Tonight you're going to pay her back
>You're going all the way, no stops, nothing held back
>The mare writhes gently on top of you, hooves kicking feebly in the still night
>Creamy's moans echo softly in your cell, barely above a whisper
>If she were caught in such a compromising position, it might cost her more than her job
>From the way her body responds to your touch, you don't think she's going to keep caring about such things for much longer
>Sure enough, her wordless groans peak in intensity, almost loud enough to be heard above your own laboured breathing
>Taking care of a mare is tough business
>"Ahn~ A-Anon!"
>With one last exhale, Cookies'n'Cream finishes, her form going limp in your arms
>Poor girl wore herself out
>Damn if it doesn't make you feel like a man though
>You curl up around your evening cuddleslut/ticklebuddy and fall asleep beside her

Prison Pones are not for sexual, Anon. This is a wholesome institution.

>Equestrian version of the Wiggles play at the prison
>Anon gets in trouble for trying to start a mosh pit in the center of the cafeteria
Make her extra adorable.
Anon once turned down chocolate milk for water
>>It was like the more weight they added, the less sense Anon made
Just like tumblr!
W-what?! I don't get it, what kind of creature would turn down such a basic comfort?
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We don't know

Anon stayed up through nap time, once.

He wasn't even sleepy by the time beddy-bye came around!
My sides... they are on orbit right now
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I was thinking about this. How do you think ponies will react to this prison?
>pic related
The real one, or the one Stanley talked about in his letters?
The one Stanley writes about.
I'm currently rereading this book for English classes
I read that one in 5th grade. Never liked it very much.
Even when this is just lewd with cuddles or tickles, I get a boner
God damn..
You and me both.
>"Anon, you get a boner from anything."
"That's not true. There is one thing that doesn't give me a boner."
>"And that is?"
"Brussels Sprouts."
>"Well, I suppose that's a good thing. They look like tiny green testicles, after all."
"...God damn it, Twilight. You had one job."
>"Is that a tent in your pants?"
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Well, at least i'm not alone
It's okay now that I'm rereading it.
But it's a good book to pass the time
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Its amazing this thread was started by a shitty penor joke...
"Welcome to the A & C morning talk show. As always, me and Chrysalis are the hosts of the show."
>You wave to the nonexistent camera in the library.
>You and Chrysalis were wearing wool sweaters over your standard black jumpsuits.
>Chrysalis had her hair tied in a ponytail.
>She was also wearing coke bottle glasses.
"For this morning, I would like to introduce our guest Gilda and her pet raccoon."
>You motion the imaginary camera over to Gilda, where she was wearing a orange suit and had a raccoon in her arms.
"So, Gilda, what can you tell us about your raccoon?"
>Gilda just gives you a confused look.
>"It's just a raccoon..."
>Chrysalis perks up.
>"Is it true that a single raccoon can eat over ten mice in a single night?"
>Gilda shakes her head.
>"I'm pretty sure they don't eat mice. Garbage maybe, but not mice."
>Chrysalis readjusts her glasses.
>"Oh, ok..."
>Gilda gets up and questions you both angerily.
>"You dweebs just handed me a raccoon you found out in the yard, handed it to me and told me to smile for the cameras!"
>She then motions to where the imaginary cameras were.
>"Where are the cameras anyways! Man, you black suits are insane!"
>After her outburst, she storms out tossing the raccoon over.
>Both of you, took a little time to process the events that occur before you announce.
"Let's check over to Sombra for the weather."
>The camera pans over to a Sombra that is in a yellow rain jacket and yellow booties wore above his black jumpsuit.
An unfunny faggot that piggy backs off successful youtubers
What punishment would you get for breaking other inmate's stuff?
a slap on the wrist
Having insane inmate buddies would be great.
Escape the pain of life in prison by annoying the guards so much that they stab you in the chest!! Embrace death's cold hand.
I wondered what he was supposed to be laughing at
Jesus. Blast from the past.
>Quite shy discord
>Raise his paw
>Cough before saying
Motherfucking top kek, my sides are on fucking orbit
moar r9k anon.
More fuckin' Cookies n cream greentext and drawings, i think i got a new waifu
Someone needs to make a whole screencap of this thread, it's just fucking awesome, from the beginning to the end
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I am reminded of Fio.
>muh childhood
Fuck man, that was an unexpected turn to nostalgia street.
I miss playing that game with my brother.
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>Anon gets sent to prison
>Having separate prisons for different genders isn't even thought of.
>One of the top mares take a liking to anon
>She starts trying to essentially make him her prison bitch
>He just goes along with it for fun.

It would look something like this
I would love to see this.
Why has nobody replied to this? This is the funniest one so far.
If nonconsensual cuddles are pretty much the equestria verion of rape, then what is regular sex in equestria?
Very naughty.
doggy for the sole purpose of procreation
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>The mare cautiously pokes her head into your cell
>Her owlish blinking betrays the fact that she can hardly see
>"Uh- Um, hello? Is anypony here?"
>You clear your throat, watching her head snap to where you sat on the bed
>The mare audibly swallows before leaving the wedge of light from the door
>Her hoofsteps echo ominously in the confined cell and you can see her become more and more perturbed with each step she takes
>When she is mere feet from you you give a quiet command
>She stops
>Her rump hits the floor with a muted thump
>You watch her strain to make out anything in the dark, her tail curled around herself protectively
>You can't help but feel as though she were a foolish prey beast, walking into its predator's den
>She can feel it too
>Her eyes dart around, desperately trying to see what awaits her
>Eventually, you grow tired of waiting
>She starts shaking before opening her mouth
>All that comes out is a muted squeak
>The mare flinches back before lick her lips, swallowing and trying again
>"Uh, I... I-"
"Name first."
>She flinches again and whimpers quietly before working up the courage to speak again
>"M-my name is..." she lets out a shaky breath, "My name is Sprout, Brussel Sprout."
"What business do you have with me, Ms. Sprout?"
>You lower your voice, smiling as it rumbles off of the wall

Consensual cuddles, durr.
consensual cuddles
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>"I h-heard you trade... trade favours with ponies."
>You quirk an eyebrow. You know she can't see it, but just in case...
"And where did you learn of this, Miss Sprout? These kinds of things would be a very sensitive topic."
>At the word 'sensitive', you lean forward, bed creaking, and brush Brussels blueish bangs out of her eyes
>She flinches away from the contact before leaning back in again
>"U-um, nopo-, nopony told me anything I sw-"
>You cut her off with a finger rubbing on her ear
>She flinches away again but you don't let go
>She quickly leans forward again closing her eyes and biting at her lower lip
>You lean in, bringing your lips to her ear
"I think I know who told you. Don't worry, your secret is safe with me."
>You practically growl the last part out and blow gently on her ear
>You could swear that she was sweating
>Do ponies sweat?
>Cookie sure was trying last nigh, goddamn
>"Th-thank you, Mr. Anonymous."
"Please, call me Anon. We are going to be partners, after all."
>The mare is practically quivering
"But first, what is your proposal, Miss Sprout?"
>"Uh, mmm."
>No response
>You lift a finger off of her ear and her eyes snap open
>"Oh! Um, I work as a cafeteria mare in the veggie section."
>Ah, now it makes sense
>Poor girl is lonely
>Veggies are a mandatory part of the dinners here, but almost every prisoner does their best to skip that line
>It's almost sad really
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>You lower your voice again, commanding her to continue
>"A-and I was- Ah!"
>She gasps suddenly as your other hand comes into play, gently rubbing her neck and withers
"Miss Sprout?"
>You prompt the poor mare
>It's too easy, really
>"I propose that you get and extra hooful of carrots during snack time in exchange for fifteen minutes of... Um..."
>Sprout cuts off, drifting into silence
>Your query hangs
>You can practically hear her blush
>Then, quietly, so quiet you have to strain to hear it
>"For fifteen minutes of scratchies a night."
>She practically rushes through it, stumbling over her own words
>You idly scratch at her ear and back, considering her offer
"Add in a hoofful of broccoli and I'll give you forty-five minutes every Tuesday and Thursday after lunch."
>You watch her breathing slow as she mulls over your counter offer
>As she thinks, you run a finger over her collar bone, while your other hand scratches under her chin
>As it stands, your offer was very generous, she would be a fool not to take it
>Sprout closes her eyes and hums again, lost in thought
"Miss Sprout?"
>She focuses again
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>"You are very generous, Anon. I accept your offer with one condition."
>"YOu call me Sprout during out sessions."
>You smile at her directness
"Very well, Miss Sprout. We start tomorrow."
>You give her hoof a firm shake that she weakly returns
"Now, out with you. It's almost afternoon snack time and I'm feeling rather... Ravenous."
>She tenses back up at your questionable wordchoice before letting go of the breath she was holding and quietly trotting out the door

>Next day: Snack Time
>You stop by the veggie station, ready for your extra helping of cellulose
>You catch Sprout's eyes as she lifts an extra hoofful of carrots and broccoli from the dish
>Holding her gaze while she guides the ladle, you give her a small, gentle smile
>Her hoof is practically shaking
>As the last of the veggies lands your smile widens
"Thank you, Sprout."
>The ladle clatters to the tray and Sprout stutters something back, blushing furiously
>Laughing to yourself, you sit down with your homeboys de jour and regale them with your feats of Baddassitude.
Haha, just wait till you see real lesbians and not pornstars, kiddo
so ponies get pregnant by cuddling?
No, they fuck. Actual sexual rape doesn't exist there.
You are probably right - after all there is a huge imbalance of Females > Males

Does Stallion rape exist though? Polygamy does most likely, Monogomy is reserved only for the Rich and Royalty
Damn, I didn't expect my post to get a story.

Lonely little lunch mare a cute.
yeah that's what i was trying to ask.
How does standard sex go down there?
This was hhnggg
Just regular doggystyle sex not just for procreation. It's for pleasure too. But the sex is really standard. Any other position is kinky and blowjobs and anal is unheard of.
"Was a mare sent to cuddle, or a slave? A mare chooses, a slave obeys!"
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>No Sodom Allowed.jpg

Alright, I guess I do another.
It's not that it isn't allowed it's just never been done before and none of the ponies have ever had the idea to do it in the butt or in the mouth.
>"Anon, this is weird. Why on Earth would you put your penis in my armpit?"
>D-don't girls have a fourth hole there?
>Sitting in your free apartme....cell.. You look back on what got you sent to pone prison in the first place

>Your old pocketknife

>Turns out, weapons of ANY kind are strictly forbidden. Even the Royal Guards' spearheads are made of soft rubber, the shafts are made of solid styrofoam.

>Everyone thought you were trying to kill the Purple Acorn when you tried to show her metal from your world.
>Wasn't your fault everything from your world was anti-magic
>Wasn't your fault she didn't realize it was a blade
>Wasn't your fault she tried to pick it up with her mouth
>Stupid smart-horse
>And now everyone is scared of you and won't let you near anything sharper than a beach ball
>Serious debate went into whether you could have a bendy straw with your chocolate milk
>They finally said you could have a sippy straw but needed a chaperone to watch you in the mess hall at all times
>Enter Cookies n Cream
First attempt writefagging. Continue? Be faggot?
>Turns out, weapons of ANY kind are strictly forbidden.
No, fuck that bullshit. I refuse to believe any world like this exists.
do it
Hey man, styrofoam spears hurt when you're thwacked with them. And the rubber points are mildly annoying to be poked with.
A whole month in prison for that. And they give back the knife afterwards, with the blade just slightly blunted.
>Enter Cookies n Cream
>She stands over you whispering naughty things into your ear
>"Ohhh yeah, suck that sippy straw, you dirty little ape."
>The dirty talk is making you all sweaty
>You almost got 15 minutes in the time out chair for spilling spaghetti on the clean floor again
>Which is bad, because a pony might slip and fall and get a boo boo
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>blunt knives.
So go out and buy a whetstone. They're not expensive.
True, still they are one of the few things that tick me off.
"Warden, what the fuck is this?"
>"Language, Anonymous!"
"Seriously, what did you do to my knife?"
>"We blunted it down, so it couldn't pose a harm to others."
"I wouldn't exactly call this blunting! What did you do with the blade? The tip?"
>"They've been filed down to the thick."
"Yeah, I can see that. It looks like a fucking tongue depressor!"
>"Anonymous! Would you like another pudding cup revoked?"
"You think I can't still use this to put the fear of Celestia into you, warden?"
>His eyes shrink to pinpricks
>"G-Guards! GUARDS!"
"It's time to play doctor."
Rape is like an inconvenience

"Anon stop it!, stop putting your penis in my vagina"
>"Anon stop it!, stop putting your penis in my vagina"
"But warden, aren't you the head of the penal system? What else am I supposed to do with my dick besides give it to the head of the penal system?!"
>Meals aren't so bad. Pony equivalent of restraining a dangerous prisoner is giving them the 'quiet time' necklace. Anyone wearing it isn't supposed to move quickly or meanly.
>Doesn't work on you, of course
>Shouldn't even work on the other inmates
>shit isn't even enchanted
>just a string with beads on it that spell out 'quiet time' 'happy quiet' 'shush good' and 'calm friendly'
>You don't act out in the Mess anyway... that would get Cookies in trouble too.
>Speaking of meals, Cookies should be here any minute to-
>"Hello there Anon, are you ready for lunch?"
>The 'quiet time' necklace is hanging from the emergency churro in her belt. In an emergency, the tasty treat is used to calm roudy inmates.
"Yes please, I'm starved."
>"Maybe if you didn't skip snack time, you wouldn't be so hungry. It really worries me that you don't eat enough"
>aw.. she sounds so concerned for your health
"Maybe I would join snack time if you served something other than hay biscuits and milk."
>"Is there something wrong with hay biscuits?"
"Humans can't eat hay" you say with a laugh
>Cookies face shifts from mild concern, to realization, to abject horror
>whoops, poor thing is having a panic attack.
>She seems to be hyperventilating now
>If this keeps up much longer, you'll be late for lunch
>Someone else will take the last pudding cup!
>You've got to calm her down somehow!
>"Ohhh yeah, suck that sippy straw, you dirty little ape."
Goddamn, Cookies n' Cream has given me a lot of unexpected boners today.
Fucking kek
>"Humans can't eat hay" you say with a laugh
>>Cookies face shifts from mild concern, to realization, to abject horror
>>whoops, poor thing is having a panic attack.
Just sling her over your shoulder and get going, ain't nobody got time fo dat.
This I like.

More, your infallible audience demands it.
Oh no, Anon, don't increase your time in the slammer (in ponyland, we call it the "closing softly") by taking an officer's churro from her belt!
Aight, I'm checking out of this thread for now so Imma drop a pastebin in case the thread shits itself while I'm gone.


Bellyfart that cuddleslut
Hug her softly while you slowly and sensually stroke her mane.
its raspberrying

Given Bloom and Gloom, it's quite likely somewhere, there's a pony with a Viking helmet for a cutie mark.

>Best start by letting her know you aren't upset at the lack of edibles during snack time.
"It's alright Cookies, I'm a big guy who doesn't need snack time"
>You do, however, need that pudding cup with lunch.
>she is actually crying. Why is she crying? How are you supposed to get that pudding cup if your chaperone is crying?! You can't go to Mess without her... You'll have pudding privilages revoked for the day!
>Time for the big guns
"Hey, I'm ok. You're ok. No need to cry" you say as you gently pat her mane
>pony hair is soft
>how can anything be this soft
>Hey, it seems to be working! She stopped hyperventilating!

Be Cookies n Cream
>What? petting? what? by prisoner? what?
>ooo that's nice
>Oh biscuits! forgot to breathe!

Be Anon
>Cookies takes a few deep breaths as you continue petting her mane.
>Hrm...she still looks spooked.
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>prisoner petting you in the hallway
>Its lunch time in the OK' jailhouse. You and the other black jumpsuits are sitting together, as usual.
>Sombra is contemplating his crystals, Chrysalis is furiously scribbling on a piece of !paper with a crayon.
>'5th slimerider infantry flank left, attack commander.' She's been playing Hyperspace Hyperwars by mail with Shining Armor. She's been winning.
>Discord comes and goes. Can't really keep a chaos god in any one place, but right now he's goading you in some stupidity.
>"Anonymous," he begins, loudly, "Oh please sing us the song of your people. Please do."
>You've been refusing for some time.
>Finally you snap.
"OK fine." You acquiesce as you climb onto the table.
>"Oh no, black suits are at it again." You hear an inmate whisper. "Come on, let's go. I don't want to have ANOTHER nap time delayed."
>You take a deep breath.
"Some of those that work forces are the same that burn crosses." You begin in earnest.
>Its getting heated. And you don't notice that the only guard on duty is your lovely Cookies N' Cream.
>Ponies are running, Discord is laughing his ass off, and you're really hurting your throat. Its glorious.
>All until you are tackled off the table.
>With an "Oh, dear." Discord simply vanishes.
>You slide to a halt beneath a brown and cream blur, your vision knocked out of whack for a second by the surprise.
>"Inmate 007!" No one ever worked out why you always laughed at your inmate number. "This behaviour will not be tolerated!"
>Cookie lets you stand, and you brush some dust off your fetching black jumpsuit.
"Come on Cookie..."
>"You will call me 'ma'am', inmate 007! Fifty minutes on the stool!" She looks furious.

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