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>"You don't want to go to church with me anon?"

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Thread replies: 107
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>"You don't want to go to church with me anon?"
>"Oh, okay, that's fine, I understand... I'll pray for you."
>>
>>22085327
>"Oh, okay, that's fine, I understand... I'll pray for you."
>"I'll pray for you"
Nigga...
>tfw it's been years since I've gone to church, always wanted to go, but never really found the time for it.
Captcha: ilsin
>>
Thanks, see you later.
>>
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>>22085327

See you later.
>>
Oh, see, I'd love to go with you, but I've been eaten by the comfortability of my couch.

And my lazy, self-centered assholery.

Honestly, why do you keep trying to make us happen? It's not like i'm good for your health or anything.
>>
>>22085327
I'm a good catholic boy, Sunny so I only go on easter and christmas.
>>
>"Hey Anon, this is usually the part where I come in and offer you a more enjoyable alternative that invariably leads to sex, but this time maybe you could leave Sunset and I alone so we can spend some 'quality time' together, just us girls? I mean... I guess you could stay and masturbate in the corner if you want, provided you keep quiet and don't make it weird."
>>
>>22085327
Sorry, Sunny, but without me to lead the music, my own church would have absolutely no draw to attract new visitors, and old ones would leave. Maybe I can go with you on a special occasion, like a summer party. Your church has those, right?
>>
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>>22085327
>Sunset Shimmer
>Born again christian
>>
>>22085893
That's really depressing Anon. Choral or Contemporary?
>>
>>22085327
Fine. But I swear to your dead-and-staying-that-way Christ, if you play Christian Rock in my car, I'm kicking you out of it while in motion.
>>
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>>22085327
Thanks Sunset, maybe you can come with me to mosque tomorrow.
>>
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>>22085327
>>
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>>22085327
>>
>>22086230
Contemporary style, but we do a lot of old hymns. I'm the guitarist and one of the singers
>>
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>>22085327
I don't need any phony gods blessing.
>>
>>22085327
>Yeah don't waste your breath its not like somebody will hear it
>>
Where's my fedora.
>>
>>22088430
The first time I saw this, I nearly choked to death when he tipped it.
>>
I have both a 4chan app and a scripture app on my phone.
>>
>>22088956
>>22088956
>I have both a 4chan app and a scripture app on my phone.
Literally me
>>
>>22085327
Told you already that I'm not Protestant, Sunshee.
>>
>>22085327
"I'm sorry, but tomorrow's the super bowl and it's one of the only times I really spend with my family anymore and I can't miss it. I'll go with you next week."
>>
>>22085327
I'm fucking Jewish. Go suck Jesus's dick.
*tips yamaka*
>>
>>22089044
Aren't you supposed to be eating some foreskins chaim?
>>
>>22086235
You sadden me, anon.
>>
>>22086235
>Not blasting Skillet through your system
>>
>>22086191
we are faggot, this is the 3rd one of these threads i've seen
>>
>>22089160
>Skillet
Shit nigga those guys are still alive? I haven't heard them in forever
>>
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>>22089044
>*tips yamaka*
>>
>>22085327

And I quote:

Anonymous 03/05/15(Thu)18:10:13 No.22085327

>"You don't want to go to church with me, Anon?"
>"Oh, okay, that's fine, I understand... I'll pray for you."

...There's no church on (Thu) Thursdays! How does a girl named SUNSET not know about SUNDAY SERVICES?!
>>
>>22085327

Sorry. I mean, I *could* go with you but it would be pretty disingenuous for me to sit and pay lip service to your heathen god.

Plus... you remember when you came to MY church and started freaking out when the Grand High Chanter fed those goats to the shoggoth in the pit? Well, that's how I feel about all the singing and collection plate passing that goes on at YOUR church.

Text me when service is over and I'll come take you to brunch though, okay?
>>
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>>22085327
Sunset, you literally transformed into a demon once. There's no way you're getting into heaven now.
>>
>>22089405
>Anon, don't you remember that talk we had?
>About Sunset being "special"?
>>
>>22085327
I'm not even religious, but church is pointless. All you need to do is praise the Lord and follow his word every day. Priests who make money off tithes will burn in hell, I guarantee it. Especially those mega churches in the bible belt.
>>
>>22089501
My church uses all the tithe money that doesn't go toward maintaining the building to help out shut-ins and others in need. The pastor doesn't even keep any of the money either because he already has a huge house from a well-paying warehouse job.
>>22085893 is me

CAPTCHA: Select all beer below (how ironic)
>>
>>22089483

I can respect a former bad girl's need to go as far the other way as she can, be the good girl who goes to church, but this is like watching a zebra trying to climb a tree to get away from the lions.
>>
>>22089160
>Skillet
>Christian Rock
Wait, what?

I've only heard two of their songs, but they certainly didn't strike me as Christian.
>>
>>22085327
"Wait"
>Fuck why are you doing this, how beta are you.
"So about this Jesus fellow... Are you saying he can forgive me."
>Why are you doing this, you know the church is a lie but.
"Maybe I should go... Just this once"
>>
>>22089451
Don't you know christianity has excellent job stability? Just have a priest tell you "don't sweat it, you and the big G are cool" and you're good to go.
>>
>>22089713
Thing is, in most of their songs they're not explicitly 'Christian' as in referencing Jesus directly and preaching the gospel, but if you look at many of their songs (particularly Rebirthing and Hero) from a Christian perspective, it makes just as much sense, if not more.
A whole lot of Christian rock music is like that, where it's only Christian in the undertone. Look up "Christian Death Metal". I shit you not that's a thing.
>>
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>TFW own a bible
>TFW atheist
There is literally nothing that makes being pulled over go smoother than having a bible on the dashboard.
>>
>>22089891
I actually heard a really heavy song while flipping through stations the other day. Only reason I realized it was gospel was that it referenced "his throne" during the chorus.

But I'm surprised Hero had that undertone. I thought it was one of those specifically made for some upcoming Marvel/DC movie. Like I could imagine it being played during the trailers/credits of Superman.
>>
>>22089742
>Damn it, this is taking forever.
>Getting up to hug everyone felt awful until you got to hold her.
"I am so glad you could make it"
>Blushing you hug a little more then you should, but she makes no effort to let you go.
"Anon do you mind if I sit her. You look so alone by yourself"
>"As long as you don't mind god striking us both down."
>And you shovel the Spaghetti back in as her horrid face shows that she was not impressed.
>"I mean I should um"
>Time to lay it on the floor.
>"Sunset I am not a christian"
"Anon that's ok"
>She pets your head for a second.
"Preacher we have someone who want's to be saved."
>Sweat covers your face.
Dubs decides how Anon gets out of this mess.
>>
>>22089929
>tfw no Bible
>tfw Christian
at least I haven't had any tickets. I've only been pulled over once and it was for a broken brake light
>>
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>>22085327
>I'll pray for you...
>>
>>22089970
>fake a suicide
>wake in hospital
>claim there was nothing on the other side
alternatively:
>claim to have seen Allah
>>
>>22089970
>Dubs decides how Anon gets out of this mess
Yank up Sunset's shirt, then run up to the distracted priest and start shoveling Christchex in your mouth while farting uncontrollably. Run out of the church while screaming "Hail Satan!" and then accidentally put your car in drive and go through the wall.
>>
>>22089713
My first concert was a Skillet concert.
>>
>>22089970
Spaghetti so hard you some how end up getting baptised.
>>
>>22089970
Just go along with it. Talking as little as possible.
I did.

And I kind of corrupted 12 people into becoming atheist before I stopped going.
>>
>>22085327

Why is Christian Sunset Shimmer a thing?
>>
>>22089970
get high in the bathroom
Anything you go through after that should be much easier
>>
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>>22089975
Nigga, you can pick up a King James or Revised Standard in pretty much every single bookstore there is for as little as $10. Are you some kind of bible elitist who needs a Interlinear bound in real leather or something?
>>
>>22089483

>tfw you will never care for your retarded waifu.

Why live?
>>
>>22089970
>rape
>>
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>>22090147
>You will never hold her in your arms as she gets drool all over your nice clothes
>You will never cry as she forgets your name on occasion
>You will never have to dress, clean, and feed her for the rest of your days
I don't know nigga
Might as well end it all right here and now
>>
>>22090156
So close... I wanted this one too
>>
>>22089970
Scream "BETA UPRISING" and commence the gassing
>>
>>22090190

>You will never take advantage of her by raping her.

Damn it.
>>
>>22090147
>>22090190
I thought we were getting desperate before, but now I think we've gotten to the point we're picking crumbs out of the barrel.
>>
>>22090222

The fuck is wrong with you?

>>22090231
It's called a joke.
>>
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>>22090237
Wait, you mean you guys weren't being serious?
>>
>>22090202
I know I said doubles but I like this one so much
>"I can't do this"
>Taking a deep breath you push and fart with all your might, filling the church.
>"BETA UPRISING"
>Screaming you never notice someone sneaking in behind you, nor do you see the collection plate bash you in the back of the head.

"Anon I'm sorry."
>Sunset takes the blindfold off of you and you see you are tied down to a chair.
"The preacher says once he forces the demon out I will have to watch over you day and night"
>>
>>22090237
>It's called a joke
I honestly doubt there isn't at least one person on this board that would be glad to get at least a half-eaten retarded OC to snuggle.
>>
>>22090258

I would take care of retarded Sunset if I had to, but I wouldn't actually waifu her. I like my girls to have all of their mental facilities intact.
>>
>>22090264
>half-eaten retarded OC
So basically Fluffle Puff?
>>
>>22090261
>play along for keks and possibly sex
FUCK ME! FUCK ME! BLEH!
>>
>>22090261
"I'd much prefer it if *you* forced my demon out, if you know what I mean"
>>
>>22090190

Y'know, retarded Sunset actually makes sense considering Twilight and the Humane Five basically lobotomized her at the end of Equestria Girls.
>>
>>22090295
All those years of learning to control your vomiting finally pays off
>>
>>22090346
>>22090295
>>22090314
>You smirk.
>Deciding to use all that Klingon you learned in your D&D
>" qaStaH nuq? Hab SoSlI' Quch!"
>Vomiting all over the floor adds a nice touch.
>"Sunset, please save me... I read that if you knew me... In a biblical way, your salvation would save me"
>"nuqDaq 'oH puchpa''e'
>"Hurry, I can't hold these demons back"
"Anon please... I can't it's not right"
>She looks in your eyes.
"To save your soul"
>She forces her lips on yours.
>>
>>22090394

Here we go...
>>
>>22090394
>kissing you after you vomited
Christ
>>
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>>22090422
>Jesus Christ
FTFY
>>
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>>22090394
>Bound to a chair as Sunset dominates you in the hope of cleansing your immortal soul
>Kissing you with vomit still in your mouth
Please, Anon
Keep going
>>
>>22089483
Remeber that talk we had about you being a cunt.
>>
>>22090422
>She nearly vomits but manages to hold it back.
"Anon please don't make me do that again"
>Whimpering she pulls back.
>"Sunset I said you had to know me... not kiss me"
"That... That is adultry"
>She backs away.
>"No... Adultry is if we both had lov...Heghlu'meH QaQ jajvam"
"Anon, but... but"
>Sighing she slowly pulls down your pants.
"I... I don't know about this"
>You roll your eyes in the back of your head, nearly laughing as you fell her hand on your cock.
>>
>>22090470
Just then the priest opens the door, falls on the floor, Sunset does the dinosaur on your dick
>>
>>22089970
I leterally got baptized in order to obtain ebin liquid swag t-shirt from my church
>>
>>22090470
Do more demonic shit so that she'll step it up
Satan's minions wait for no man
>>
>>22090470
I SAID KNOW ME, NOT BLOW ME.

ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS ASK ABOUT MY FAVORITE COLOR AND HOBBIES.
>>
>>22090512
This is obviously the unholy forces talking
Ignore his barbaric gargling
>>
>>22090512
>ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS ASK ABOUT MY FAVORITE COLOR AND HOBBIES.
Ignore this heresy.
>>
>>22089044
Dubs changed the spelling of yarmulke to yamaka.

Thanks for that.
>>
>>22090496
>"Fuck you slut, you cum guzzling whore"
>You turn on the water works, seeming upset.
>"I would never say that"
>Refusing to answer she just gets to work making you hard.
>Spitting in her hair, you realize you have a rare chance to treat her like trash.
>You feel her lips on your cock.
>"Suck it you bitch."
>She sucks harder massaging your balls.

"MISS SUNSET WHAT ARE YOU DOING"
>The preacher is standing over her.
"Get out you Scarlett, you are excommunicated from the church."
>He looks at you.
"Anon we are sorry for our... former student. This does not have to leave the church we hope"

evens decide it anon blackmails the church and if he goes after sunset.
>>
>>22090702
>excommunicated
What is this, the middle ages?
>>
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>>22090702
Blackmail the church into letting Sunset back in.
That way, ery body losses.
>>
>>22090702
SPIKE THE KOOLAID
>>
>>22090755
(I like this, but a twist) >"Wait, sunset... I mean my wife did nothing wrong"
"Anon eww what are you"
>"Oh I known I was going to make it official, but they caught you and me getting kinky."
>The preacher gives you a strange look
>"I mean if we are married we didn't commit any sin correct"
>He leafs through the bible.
"Technically no but"
>You smile. "And Sunset's life is the church. You would do anything to stay a member right honey"
>She has a look of pure hate but nods.
"Yes dear I would 'Hate' that."
>You nod.
>"So Father would you marry us tomarrow"
"Anon we need to talk"
>You see the tears about to break.
"Oh Sunset I know you are so happy to finally tell the world."
>She grabs your hand tight.
"Yes Tell the world"
>Gritting her teeth you can feel her try to crush your hand.
>>
>>22090069
>>22090069
>My first concert was a Skillet concert.
Not my first, but I remember a Skillet/Toby Mac concert in Valparaiso, Indiana. good times.

>>22090135
I just read it on my phone. I've not had use for a physical copy in a long time

>>22090261
>>22090394
>>22090470
>>22090702
>>22090823
You know we're in a Hell of a hiatus when a normal day at a Catholic church gets turned into a greentext
>>
>>22091297
LOL
>>
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>>22085823
I'm okay with this.
>>
>>22090109
The idea of Sunset seeking redemption through religion is an interesting idea. Plus, Christians get a lot of shit. Just let us have this one thing
>>
>>22092605
Funny thing is, it could be human Sunset anyway. I mean there is a human Twilight, maybe the human Sunset was a Born Again Christian who keeps hearing about this pony stuff and thinking it's demonic. She spent a week after the whole demon Sunset Fiasco thinking she had a vision of it, and went to a Church retreat to get purified. The whole events of the Pony Sunset have come to Human in her sleep and she is slowly going crazy, holding on to jesus tighter hoping the church can save her.
>>
>>1789
>being religious
>>
Depressed Christian Suicidal Shimmer
>>
>>22093926
Christ won't save your soul.

Because your soul is shit and he don't save shit.
>>
>>22085327
Don't.
>>
>>22089970
Flip the bird while quoting the imperial truth loudly also moonwalk out the door with a final "emperor protects" also while flipping the bird
>>
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>>22094425
>loyal servant to the emperor
>not immediately purging the heretics
>>
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>>22094425
>>22095064
Who let the loyalist faggots in here?
>>
>>22085327

>You smile and say, "Thank you," as you close the door after wishing her a nice day.
>It's a little bit ironic, actually, that you used to go to the church she now goes to.
>When you were a child, that is; before you reached the age of reason.
>You mentally tip your inner fedora at your George Carlin reference.
>It wasn't bad, but when your mother died, your family just stopped going.
>Your father's new bride tried bringing you back in as well, but you had already moved out by then.
>As you sit in your chair and think, something about her words sticks with you.
>"I'll pray for you."
>Huh.
>You've never had anyone say that to you before.
>You know Sunset has really been trying to attone for what she did.
>She's developed a very guilty conscience.
>She also is very hot and bangable, if you do say so yourself.
>But if she continues down this road, she'll end up as one of those "marriage before sex" types...
>Or worse, a damned nun...
>You shudder inwardly.
>Can't have that.
>A plan springs to mind.
>You run outside and catch up to her, acting out of breath.
>She hears your panting and turns to see you.
>"Anon? What are you doing?"
"Sunset... I... I'm sorry, I... I wasn't thinking, I really do want to go to church... with you."
>>
>>22097549

>The way her eyes light up is gorgeous, you must admit.
>"Really?! Oh, that's wonderful!"
>She throws you into a brief hug and looks into your eyes.
>"I knew you would come around eventually! You're going to love the service!"
"As long as I'm... with you..." you say with a smile, still fake-panting to maintain the illusion.
>She blushes and holds your hand.
>"I'll sit next to you and help you find all the passages and everything!"
>You make idle chat with her until you reach the church.
>It's just like how you remembered.
>After taking your seats, you bear through it.
>Church isn't impossible to sit through, it's just boring.
>But you smile and play along and hold her hand and sing the songs.
>You even put a tip in the basket for the hell of it.
>Heh.
>Hell of it.
>Anyway, when the time comes, you set the first stage of your plan into motion.
>The pastor is still the same old man from when you were a child.
>He's actually happy to see you when you walk by him.
>You slip into one of the back hallways when Sunset is not looking, heading towards the bathroom.
>But there's something else here.
>A door, that in your childhood, you remember was never locked.
>You find it in an empty storeroom and test it.
>Sure enough, they never updated it.
>Your plan can now continue.
>You walk Sunset home.
>>
>>22097562

>All the while, she talks about how beautiful the ceremony was, and you agree with her.
>Nodding and smiling, just nodding and smiling.
>When you reach her home, she faces you and blushes.
>"I really liked having you there, Anon... I hope we can make a... a r-regular thing out of this..."
>You smile and take her hands.
"Sunset, it would be my privilege."
>You lean down and kiss one of her hands very gentlemenly-like and walk away, leaving her blushing as red as her hair.
>Stage 1: complete.
>That night, you wear your best night disguise and gather up your supplies.
>You make the journey across town in back alleys and empty parking lots.
>You approach the church and slip in through the unlocked door (wearing gloves to avoid leaving fingerprints).
>Standing at the heart of the building, you feel a thrill you haven't felt in years.
>You take out several water bottles from your jacket.
>Filled with gasoline.
>You spread it around the podium, the cross, the tables with the candles.
>Lastly, you make a big smiley face in the carpet.
>The good thing about this is that the bottles melt with the fire and are easy to conceal on your person en route to your target.
>You take out your lighter and get this pyre going.
>You quickly leave after igniting all the piles of gasoline, non-chalantly strolling through town, taking the long way home, nice and calm.
>Inside, you feel the rush burning within, but you don't lose your cool.
>After all, the famed "Canterlot Arsonist" wouldn't have gone so long uncaught if he actually acted like the madman the papers made him out to be.
>You make it home, sneaking in through the back and sit in your chair and smile.
>Stage 2: complete.
>>
>>22097576
I'm interested
Thread posts: 107
Thread images: 24


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