>You've done it. >They all thought you were insane, but you've finally managed to get to Equestria by use of a one-way portal. >And, surprisingly, you are not the spaghetti-spilling neckbeard you were in the past. >Instead, you have a confidence that ironically felt foreign to you at first >This allows you to feel comfortable with getting it on with your waifu. God how many anons would kill for that. >There's just one problem. >You are pic related. >As such, despite many, MANY attempts to avoid that, you ALWAYS make a terrible pun in any conversation with any pony, and especially your waifu. >These are your adventures in Equestria as Carlos Ramon. You hope to God that your humor won't finally fail you, because the puns aren't helping matters
>Watch Celestia perform a spectacular sunrise she set up just for you. >Suddenly remember you have a job to do. "Uhh, sunshine? I'm sorry, but I have to go or else I'll get fired." >"I could have organized a vacation for you if you'd told me, you know." "Yeah, sorry about that, it kind of dawned on me all of a sudden."
>Get invited to have dinner with the Apple family >Sit next to Applebloom >Food is delightful, pretty much entirely apple-based cuisine >Make small talk with Granny Smith while Applejack clears the table and Big Mac sits there silently >Meanwhile, hand resting on Applebloom's thigh under the table, inching slowly towards her nethers >She hasn't reacted yet >Take this as approval >Run a finger along the length of her tiny slit before pushing it inward up to the first knuckle, causing her to gasp and squirm >"You alright there, sugarcube?" asks Applejack, returning from the kitchen "Can I get you anything?" >"A-ahm fine, sis." Applebloom manages "Can I grab a glass of water, AJ?" you speak up "I'm feeling a little hoarse"
>Get a letter from Rarity >She wants you to come over to try on a human suit she was working on >Pretty cool, you thought >Come over to the Carousel Boutique >"Hello, Carlos! I'm delighted to have you over." "Wouldn't miss it for the world." >She hands you hoofs you? a tuxedo. It's that notable shade of blue that you wore on your jacket. >Surprisingly, it fit quite well. >"It took a long time for me to determine the measurements. Humans aren't exactly common in Equestria." "I'd say penguins are more common than me, why there's one here right now!" >An almost immediate eyeroll from Rarity. >"Yes, well, this isn't the whole suit." "It isn't?" >Hoo boy. What did she have in store for you? >"Here, try this on." >She gives you a bowtie. It's red. Huh. >You try it on, and look upon yourself in the mirror. The colors work pretty well, you think. "Oooh, pretty cool! How much to buy it?" >"That's the other thing. It's free.." >Sweet! A free tuxedo! Something to write home to the neckbeards of /mlp/ about if you could find a way home. >"...on one condition." >...Not so sweet. >"You accompany me on my trip to Canterlot. I have a list of things you could assist me with, such as carrying luggage, helping me with make-up, taste-testing food in case of assassination attempts, sweet Celestia knows how many of those I've survived..." >It was never that simple for you. That's how life worked for you. "Of course, madame. To this I willingly bow to you."
> Be Carlos Ramon > Now a citizen of Ponyville > The ponies have learned to get used at a human kid romping around their neigh borhood. > You could say it's a stable relationship now. > Because they absolutely love you. > Rarity was crazy happy about having you as a model to try new clothing designs. > You could say the challenge was a good way to harness her creativity. > Pinkie Pie goes apeshit crazy happy when you drop by Sugarcube Corner to share puns and sweet horse d'oeuvres. > Fluttershy thinks you are fascinating, but she stills buckles away when you get too close. > It's OK, you are happy with both being just equinetance for now. > Rainbow Dash took on herself to train you into an athlete because she thought you needed to beef up a bit. >To beef or not to beef... that's equestrian. > Oh, and turns out that Cranky Doodle Donkey was half Mexicoltnian all along. > You knew as soon you saw him, because frankly, it takes Juan to know another Juan.
>Be Carlos, recently shipped via Fedex to Equestria >Still a bit confused about what's going on >Ponys start to ask if you have a name >Ask if you could eat any soup with noodles >"Why'd you want that?" "Because I'm a Carlos Ramon Noodle type of guy." >They looks confused >For better or for horse, you believe today was equite eventful
>>19276686 > Still be Carlos Ramon > Meet Maud Pie, aka Pinkie's sister. > She immediately rocks your world with a pint of rocky road icecream. > She is that nice because she thinks you may feel a bit astone in this world, being the only member of your spice and all. > You repay the treat by helping her with her current project- her family's geologic tree. > Because you never take friendship for granite, that would be so boulder from you.
>Be Carlos >It was Cider Season, and you were helping Applejack mix the cider >As a professional bartender, you knew how to mix things up >"Carlos, how's the cider over thar?" "It's pretty good. Just needs a bit more stirring to it. Got a question, though." >"Shoot." >You made the hand sign for a gun. Applejack got used to it after a while. She had that look on her face that directly told you 'if you make a goddamn pun you are dead haystack.' "Alcoholic, or non-alcoholic? I'm not used to brewing Equestian Apple Cider." >"Non-alcoholic." >Well there settles that question. >"Big Mac's taking care of the harder stuff. Don't wanna cause a ruckus." >Morning comes, the rooster cocks the doodle doo. >Huge-ass line for the cider. Pinkie Pie at the forefront. >It is a long day of celebration, but you were not able to see whether Rainbow Dash got her mug. With the upgraded work-force, there was more cider to go around. >After all was said and done, Applejack took a gander at the pile of bits. >"Would ya look at that? I reckon we can afford that new outpost in Foalway." >You smirk. "So I guess that's the fruit of our labor!" >You were saving that one the whole year.
> Be Carlos in Equestria > Go to Sugar Cube Corner to buy something to eat. > Mr. Cake is behind the counter and he greets you. > "Hello, Señor Cake! I would like a thick slice of cake and a milkshake, I'm very hungry!" > "He smiles and says "Hello Very Hungry, I'm Carrot Cake." > Carlos beams a smile as he pays for his meal and takes a seat while reading a book while his order is ready. > Mr. cake asks what's that book about. > Carlos says it's about 450 pages. > Mr. Cake beams a smile as well. > "Are you serious?" he asks. > "No, I'm Very Hungry" Carlos replies. > Mr. Cake chuckles while he brings Carlos's order. > Pinkie Pie passes by with a worried expression in her face, Carlos asks her what happened and she says she lost a piece of her lastest costume. > Carlos asks what did she lost, Pinkie says "A shoe" and from the counter, Mr. Cake says "Gesundheit", both of you chuckle. > Mrs. Cake pops out from the kitchen and complains she's again out of veggie broth for dinner and she wishes she could buy broth in bulk. > Mr. Cake suggests her to buy it at the stock market. > Mrs. Cake groans and goes back to the kitchen while her husband chuckles and trots back to the counter. > Carlos asks if Mrs. Cake hates puns. > Mr. Cake says no, his wife only hates Oyings. > "What is an Oying, Mr. Cake.? > "This joke" he says. > Carlos finishes his meal and asks Mr. Cake if he could order some cinnamon rolls to go. > Mr. Cake says they are out of cinnamon rolls but a new batch is already baking in the oven. > Carlos says is OK, he can wait so he will call him later. > "Don't call me later, call me Carrot Cake." > I Carrot think I could remember that, Señor." > That day, Carlos felt more like at home after discovering that Mr. Cake loved cracking Dad Jokes.
>>19278245 >> Mrs. Cake groans and goes back to the kitchen while her husband chuckles and trots back to the counter.> Carlos asks if Mrs. Cake hates puns.> Mr. Cake says no, his wife only hates Oyings.> "What is an Oying, Mr. Cake.?> "This joke" he says.
>Still be Carlos >After Rarity got back from her trip to Canterlot, she brought home a ponytux >And your dreams of that perfect blue tuxedo were immediately crushed. >She calls in Rainbow Dash to her boutique to try it on. >You struggle to contain a gigglesnort at how silly Blue Fast looks >"Laugh it up, anon, I'm not gonna wear this the whole time." >Then Rarity gives her a monocle >Your sides have been thrown in the garbage. >"Really?" "Aw come on, Rainbow, I think you look positively dashing >Rainbow looks at you as if she's heard the pun a million times. >"That's it?" "...maybe." >"Well, I think it works. Thank you, Rainbow, for being patient with me." >"No problem, Rares. Gotta make it quick, though, have a meeting with Spitfire." >She takes the tux and monocle off, and starts to walk out... >"WAIT A MINUTE. RAINBOW DASH, THERE WAS ALSO SOMETHING I PERSONALLY WANTED YOU TO TRY OUT!" >Oh boy. She was bringing out the bdsm gear. You always wondered why she kept that. >She retreats to her bedroom to get it. Rainbow looks at your horrified face. >"What...is she getting?" "You don't wanna know. But what you do need to know..." >"Yeah?" "You might want to bolt out the door. As soon as possible."
>Be Carlos >You were going to help take care of the animals while Fluttershy was out of town. >You didn't really like Angel all that much but it wasn't that bad otherwise. >You open the door. It's locked. >You search under the rug as the letter told you. The key isn't there. >Too early in the morning for this bearshit. >You decide that someone might be home and knock. >It opens downward. >"Oh hello there, almost forgot you were here to help keep house while Fluttershy was away." >Aw shit it's fucking Discord >"You certainly have a reputation around Ponyville, Carlos. Can I get you something to eat?" "Sure." >"I'll fix you up a bowl of noodles in that case. Name-ly, ramen." >Oh shit. He's going into the puns. This gun be gud. >"Although, I do need to brush up on my cooking skills, last time I tried to cook I flooded a town in strawberry milk. Was trying to go for strawberry ICE CREAM instead, but what have you. I hope it's not any trouble if I bake it instead of broil it." "Well, I guess not. I don't think it'll be so-bad?
>Be Carlos in Equestria >Today, Princess Twilight Sparkle has been asking about your homeworld >And 'asking' means 'interrogating with the probing intensity of a G-rated Inquisition'. >This is in addition to helping Spike with the books >For which you now have highest respect; Twilight is sadistic towards the things >Not to mention her writing implements; you now see why Spike takes the letters, most of the time >The day goes, the questions come, and by the end of it, you are tired >Spike looks over at you as he steps back in from helping Rarity today >"Twilight got curious, huh?" "She should get into investigation, the way she horned into my business." you respond >Spike rolls his eyes, then gasps at the scroll Twilight's been taking notes on >He quickly unrolls it, but the damage is done >Between Twilight's aggressive penponyship and being rolled up before the ink dried, it's now smeared all to illegibility >Spike sighs. "I try to tell her not to do this kind of thing. Sorry, dude, but she's probably going to ask you her questions - and more besides - tomorrow." You groan. "Well, at least I know how the scroll feels. Written hard and put up wet."
>>19275813 >Keep being Carlos, a few days later >Applebloom was so impressed with your digital dexterity that she invites you to the CMC clubhouse to share it with her friends >Spend the better part of the day fiddling the fillies funzones >One crusader occupies each of your hands while the third watches >When one of the girls reaches orgasm, she swaps places with the spectator >This cycle continues for some hours, until your hands begin to cramp >All of the sudden, the sound of hooves clattering up the walkway to the clubhouse arrives at your ears >You and the fillies scramble to regain a semblance of composure, adopting suspiciously casual poses on the floor in strategic places to cover the puddles of liquid excitement that cover it >Barely have enough time to do so before Applejack's head pokes itself through the window >"Y'all alright in here?" she inquires worriedly, "Ah heard y'all makin' some funny noises, thought somepony might'a got herself hurt" >Surveying the scene, she notes you sitting amongst the breathless fillies and narrows her eyes slightly >"What were y'all doin' in here anyway?" "We were just... Uhhh..." You trail off, unable to think of a decent excuse while also trying to keep your sticky fingers from view >"Laughing!" pipes up Sweetie Belle, who had been waiting patiently for her turn before the interruption >"At Carlos!" she continues, "His jokes, I mean. He was helping us try and get our cutie marks in puns!" >Applejack chuckles in response, seemingly satisfied "Well alright now, but forgive me if I hope that one don't work out for ya. Seeya later, girls!" >She tips her hat and trots away, leaving you and the crusaders to breathe a collective sigh of relief "Phew" you exhale, a shit-eating grin creeping its way onto your face "Looks like we were saved by the Belle
>Be Carlos in Equestria again >Twilight decides to make it up to you by inviting you to her roleplaying group >You know who's involved; Spike is the GM >The villian group is known as the Giggles, they want to use mockery to destroy Pony City, and you're playing superponies. >You decide to go as a medium, who can contact the spirits of the dead >Stuff goes down, and it's the final confrontation for the night >You summon up all the spirits of those who would fight against them, becoming one yourself- "And I go Ghostie at the Giggles!"
>The true villian of the campaign is a feghoot >This is going to be interesting
>You were, yet again, Carlos. >You had gone to Sugarcube Corner for one of Pinkie Pie's parties. >It was a Birthday Party for Twist, the confectioneer in training >Generally you didn't really like her all that much, but god damn she was a great chef. >"Thankth for coming out here for my birthday, Carloth!" "Hey, don't sweat it!" >You wonder when Pinkie Pie's bringing out the cake. >SURPRISE, IT'S A CEILING DROP-IN CAKE! >"HAAAAAAAAAAPPY BIRTHDAY, TWIST! >"Yaaaaaaaaay, thankth, Pinkie!" >You loved the little kids. They were all so adorable! >Suddenly Discord's face appeared on the cake. >"Oh, I hope you don't mind that I baked a Cheesecake for you, Twist." >The cake literally turns into cheese. Fucking Discord. >You can already tell the shock on the both of their faces. "Well, that was certainly a Twist of fate.." >Pinkie gives you the look that stated "not the time, Carlos" >"..Maybe I thould've thtayed home today.." >You freeze. >That complaint. >You know you've heard it first-hand a thousand times >But you couldn't have been there. You were Anonymous, dammit! >...were you? >You decide to visit Twilight.
I guess you could call this a plot Twist? To be continued.
>"Be still, Carlos." >You weren't sure about Twilight Sparkle. She reminded you of a certain girl from your "past" that by all means shouldn't have been your classmate. >Was Carlos really taking over you? >Regardless of inner turmoil you are stuck with Twilight until she figured out what the hell was going on. >"Hmmm...interesting." "What?" >"According to my research.." >There it was again. That weird reminder of a past you shouldn't have. >"...this species you've called 'human' should only have one complete set of genetic makeup." "You're right, I should, but Rarity keeps adding more and more on it." >She ignores your little joke. >"...but somehow, from examining your blood sample, yours isn't completely natural. Almost as if you were transformed upon arrival." "Never figured that out, to be completely honest." >"Carlos, I want to ask you. How and why do you make so many puns in any context?" "I just roll with the punches. It's what I do, Purple Smart." >Another eyeroll from the alicorn. >"It's Violet more than anything." "Same thing, Dorothy." >You tense up again. >Dorothy. >How the shit. >"..Dorothy?" "Uhhhhhhh-" >"Is there something wrong?" "Give me a second. I need to think." >You try and remember about the events leading up to getting here in the first place. >You know for a fact that the portal was one way. >You know you set it up. >You know it was part of a science project at school- >What. >You try and remember your closest friends >You remember Arnold, the redhead with the glasses that was always- >NO. BAD ANON. HE SHOULDN'T EXIST. >You remember Dorothy, the bookworm who was one of the first to argue with you on something. >You remember returning fire. >WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING? "WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING?" >You have a stress attack. You suddenly start to lose your vision, and start to black out.
>>19284729 i predict that eventually carlosanon will split into carlos and anon and they shall have a climatic battle to determine the fate of the universe if carlos can be defeated the world will be freed from the tyranny of puns otherwise we will be forced to live in a world filled with them they will be inescapable
cont'd from >>19284729 >"..he's starting to wake..." >"...didn't give you any trouble, did he..?" >You open your eyes, washed out from just waking up. "Wh...what happened." >You start to see stuff. Twilight and Rarity are by your bedside. >"You passed out after we talked about what was happening to you. I think we know what's going on. Do you remember what happened before you passed out? >Freakin' headache. "Well...maybe, but it's a very faint memory.." >Stay classy, Carlos >Wait >Memories from before you passed out started pouring in. The party. The research. The unmemories. The school. >What the shit. >"Carlos, chill out!" "I will, if the AC would start working!" >"Again, I think I can explain this. As you came to Equestria, you were struck with some spell that turned you into...well, who you are. We haven't been able to track down the caster, but suffice to say you weren't 'Carlos' before." >No shit. >"At the time, you were still this 'anonymous' person that you muttered in your sleep about, but when I checked your blood sample, I noticed that you weren't natural, even by 'human' standards. That whoever Carlos is was becoming a part of you." >"This is the side-effect of using a transformation spell; stay in that form too long and you start to become it. That is what I try to avoid when using Transformation spells, so I think I can tell you right now. This spell is permanent unless the caster undoes it, and whoever you were before is as good as gone. I'm sorry.." >Holy fuck. >Because some jerk turned you into Carlos, you were now literally becoming Carlos. And there was no stopping it. You, or at least the 'you' that you were before, was effectively dead. >"I'm sorry, anon..." "Ditto..."
>be carlos >organizing fair >call a meeting with other organizers >explain my idea for a ride >its a giant slide in the shape of princess celestias head ponys will climb up her face and slide down her mane >it will be the mane attraction
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