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Hey, /lit/, first time book writer here with a question. I am

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Hey, /lit/, first time book writer here with a question. I am getting rather close to finishing my very first novel. It's a horror piece that I've been working on for a year and a half now. Before I try to send it to publishers, I'd like to do a little check off on everything I'd need to make it a perfect story. So, in short, could you guys and gals throw out some literary concepts to make sure I have them in my book? I don't want to seem like some kind of amateur.

Pic somewhat lit related, it's Nyarlathotep, a Lovecraftian monster.
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Will reading your book affect me in a meaningful way?

Can I walk away saying, "After reading Anon's book, I learned -----."
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>>7330505
So the theme/ moral? Yup, I've got that covered. Any good way of driving it home? Like, I hear people discuss novels like, "Oh, Mr. Bla's book covered themes of revenge and lust," yet how do they really make those themes prevalent? Simply making it a large aspect of the plot and the characters?
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>>7330508
I'd say so.

Try to think of your book in as simple a way as possible.

When you boil it all down, what words do you use?
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the best thing you can do is post the first chapter to pastebin and we'll critique it
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>>7330514
Alright, sounds good. Anything else worth noting in terms of what I may or may not be missing. I've got basic plot, character development, scene setup, etc. All the must-haves of literature. But I still feel... like I might be missing something. I just can't put my finger on the feeling, but I'm afraid something is being left out, and I don't know what.
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>>7330533

If you feel it, then you know. You tell us or yourself what it's missing, because you wrote the book.
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Post the novel or an excerpt so we can read it and give you feedback.
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>>7330541
Umm, alright. Here's a section from when two characters meet the monster in my story.

"It held a ventilation shaft covering in its grey, lanky hands that sat upon thin arms. A shroud covered its body; under this shroud, Peter could see some sort of writhing, as if something within was wiggling around like a twitching corpse. No legs existed upon this beast, for it walked about only with its arms, like a spider with its hind legs ripped off by a sadistic child. The beast looked down at Levi’s cold slab of flesh, but then turned its vicious gaze directly to Peter. Its eyes called out with a white and red deadness that shook fear into the doctor. Where a mouth should have been was only the demented maw that could only be described as not unlike an insect’s mandibles, crooked and rotten in nature. Its skin was dead leather that screamed to be cremated and destroyed. Indeed, this monstrosity that wore a twisted human face and body needed to be eliminated. But alas, the vile creature held onto life by a lone necrotic string."
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>>7330561
Pretty good.
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>>7330561
Things got pretty purple pretty quick.
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>>7330561
terribly dated style desu

going for that style was probably a conscious decision but i don't think it works at all
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>>7330561
didn't shock me :/
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>>7330498
wtf is that earthworm jim??
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>>7330561
Not bad
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>>7330965
I'm not too fond of newer writing styles. They seem too... practical for my tastes. If you could, could you please rewrite my excerpt in a more modern style so that I can get a better understanding of what a publisher would want?
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>>7331108
Any ideas on how to make the monster's revelation more shocking?
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>>7331114
Haha, I think Nyarlathotep and Earthworm Jim might be distant cousins.
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>>7330561
It held a ventilation shaft covering in its grey, lanky hands that sat upon thin arms. A shroud covered its body; under this shroud, Peter could see some sort of writhing, as if something within was wiggling around like a twitching corpse. No legs existed upon this beast, for it walked about only with its arms, like a spider with its hind legs ripped off by a sadistic child. The beast looked down at Levi’s cold slab of flesh, but then turned its vicious gaze directly to Peter. Its eyes called out with a white and red deadness that shook fear into the doctor. Where a mouth should have been was only the demented maw that could only be described as not unlike an insect’s mandibles, crooked and rotten in nature. Its skin was dead leather that screamed to be cremated and destroyed. Indeed, this monstrosity that wore a twisted human face and body needed to be eliminated. But alas, the vile creature held onto life by a lone necrotic string."

It held it's long shaft in it's grey, hairy hands. A beastly fur covered its cock; under this fur, Peter could see some sort of writhing, as if something within was wiggling around like a twitching corpse.
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>>7330561
Didn't give me to much chills desu. Try to envoke fear by emotions and pictures.
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>>7330561
IT held a ventilation shaft covering grey, lanky hands that sat upon ITS thin arms.

FORM MY FRIEND. MAKE IT SEEM ALIEN.
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>>7331453
...Umm, what? I guess I'll have to rewrite that part with a vent shaft covering. Perhaps I can say vent grate instead.
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>>7330498
I'm not professional, but I love reading horror. I could read your book for you and tell you what a consumer thinks.
>>7331467
^This guy also likes monsters

Give a shadowy description of the beast, "it" is bland. Describe it as a feeling of dread if you want, some people get away with that.
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>>7331467
Never thought something as simple as adding "it" and "its" would be so important. I'll keep this in mind.

And just a little quick shoutout to everyone reading the excerpt and giving their ideas: Thank you so much. I really want this to be something I can give to publishers and be proud of, so you all are being very helpful in giving me all your thoughts. Again, thank you all so much.
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>>7331473
Sexual imagery is great for horror
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>>7331493
"Cock" is to brutish for most writing. You never want to blatantly say "Here's a penis" to a reader.
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>>7331493
I figured it was. I have it included in other parts of the book, but thinking on it, there are parts with the monster that do seem... phallic in nature. I'll definitely keep this in mind/
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>>7331500
I was just joking with my edit; but subtle reference work a charm
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>>7331425

Don't worry too much about publishers at this point, friend. If you focus on just trying to get as many people as possible to read it, then publishers come later.

If you're just writing to get published, then write romance. If you want to be a writer, then give it away to anyone who's interested in reading it, and maybe they'll buy the next thing you write. For an unknown, it's too much to expect people to pay you for something when they know nothing about you. If 15,000 people read it and love it, then agents and publishers will take you more seriously than any of the countless manuscripts they get delivered.
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>>7331587
Alright. I can do that.
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>>7331587
Unless you go the James Patterson route and just do commercials and use the same shit frame work in all of your books that the world will just eat up because it's soooooooooooFUCKING GOOD.

What does 1 part obvious sex pun 2 parts mystery and a dash of twist ending that your best friend is your enemy equal? 350 million$ networth and droves of shit readers that enjoy you using big words like exuberant once or twice.

>Fuck James Patterson
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>>7330498
please don't be one of those guys who thinks their final draft is also their first draft
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>>7331615
Nope. I plan on rewriting this a couple times after I get it all written down and connected. The thread's here to make sure I didn't miss anything when it comes time to actually polish it and send it somewhere.
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