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I wrote and published this piece of shit book in less than 1

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I wrote and published this piece of shit book in less than 1 hour. It is riddled with mistakes, grammar problems, and it's like 10 pages long. Yet somehow it (along with other shitty self pubbed books) has made me decent money. This is the state of the world folks. This is the future of literature right here. Fuck your Tolstoys and Moby Dicks, Leprechaun's getting they dicks sucked is /lit/

AMA
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>>6244574
Roughly how much money have you made so far from the book, and how long has it been since 'publication'?
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>>6244617

From just this one ~1k which is about 500 books sold since May. Not a lot but I wrote it in 1 hour and never advertised it.
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>>6244574
>>6244627
Who would you say has been your greatest literary influence?

Will your future projects include a more socially conscious and diverse cast?
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>>6244574
Moby Dick never wrote a book.
Right?
>>
>>6244641

Great question. I would have to say John Green. The way he writes is just masterful. In a lot of ways his stories remind my audiences of my works with how they capture life's true struggle. For example dying of cancer is just as tragic as being a horny big foot monster without any poon in your forest.

No. I don't want to pander to the blacks.
>>
Listen, crap is king and it always has been.

I don't know why you're blathering on dumbly about this is "the future of literature", when shit has sold well for eons.

You only think all the books published before are good because that's all that has stood the test of time. For every great classic, there are literally thousands of titles of schlock garbage pap that sold right beside it.
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>>6244657

Oh
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>>6244657
Is it heresy if I say I couldn't bother reading Don Quixote because after 30 pages it felt like I was examining a pile of shit?
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>>6244676
I didn't enjoy Hemingway, who fucking cares form your own opinions.
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>>6244657
Don't you think there's something wrong that this guy's story makes more money than a lot of other good works? And he can do it in far less time. I wrote a book and it's nowhere near 500 units sold. That's depressing.
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>>6244703
If it's wrong, it's been wrong forever.

If you don't want to throw your integrity as an artist out, expect late recognition if any comes at all. Well-written and artistic texts require more time and effort, so it will be a while till those-who-matter catch on.

If you want to be rich and famous now, appeal to the lowest common denominator and shut the fuck up.

You either take your time and write with care and you'll be remembered after your death or you fire of garbage unthinkingly, gain huge traction, then putter out before you've even croaked.
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1. What application or service did you use to publish it? I'm really desperate for money and I would like to imitate your success.
2. What did you use to induce the state of mind which supressed the critical instinct, assuming you possess one from the fact that you knew there were grammatical errors in it that it.
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>>6244732

1. Amazon. You can write it all in word, save it as a doc and then upload it straight to amazon

2. I knew going in these would be bad because I don't care. I know they are shit. I know the idea is shit. I, just like you wanted some money. I set my phone's timer for 1 hour, and I told myself I had to have it done in that time (this includes the cover) because I didn't want to waste any more time on that shit.
>>
It too me like 10 min to read OP I am laughing so hrd
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>anon writes the ginger man for the 21st century
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>>6244574
How much do you sell it for?
>>
Wow you wrote ten of these fucking things huh.
I really respect you and I don't want to sound like I'm trying to be aloof or talk down to you, because I'm not, I really wish I could do this, but I think I have too much integrity to try this even though the cash would be great.
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>>6244574
Why do you betray your art by writing shitty Leprechaun dick suck books?
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>>6244886
I mean obviously, as opposed to excellent Leprechaun dick suck books, which I want you to write.
>>
Good work OP. But will it stand the test of time like the classics of the genre?
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Which of your books has sold the best?
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>>6244839

$2.99 it works out to about $2 a book after Amazon takes a cut.

>>6244867

I wrote 30 I have a few pseudonyms for different genres of erotica. All of them are equally as shitty. Try writing a book you actually put your heart and soul in to for over a year, and then see that it gets like 1 sale a month if that. Like the other person said it's depressing. Especially when this shit sells like crazy.

>>6244886
I found out my grandpa wrote smut books and I wanted to make him proud
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>>6244950

I have 2 big sellers. 1 is a billionaire short story which is just a 50 shades rip off. The other one is pictured and it's about some house wife that gets raped by Big foot. I honestly don't understand how I've literally made thousands off of a book that has big foot raping someone.
>>
I might give this a shot tomorrow. I think I'm going to write about a gay explorer who goes to new lands to offer the natives his bum.
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>>6244969

gay erotica is really big that's a good choice. I've actually considered doing it for my next pseudonym. That's the trick. You have to find niches that people want to read. For some reason housewives just love reading about big foots raping them. They fantasize about it.
>>
>search for the book
>one of the results is Saint Paddy's Day Cucktale: Humiliated by Leprechauns and Basketball Players in Ireland

I'm interested yet scared to find more like these.
>>
>>6244962
>I found out my grandpa wrote smut books and I wanted to make him proud
Goddamn it grason, the purpose is not just to write smut, but to write the smut of the ages.
>>
>>6244972
I love the free market. This is honestly too ridiculous not to try.
>>
I'm going to do this
Thanks OP
>>
Where do you get your ideas?
>>
There is no way for someone to find out you did it?
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>>6244989

Hope it works out for you. I'm still here if you need any help anon.
>>
>>6244990
There are some pretty good tables in the AD&D Dungeon Master's handbook.
>>
>>6244990

My brain. Most of the time I think of the stupidest idea and then I write it. The trick is to just turn your filter off. It's actually a good exercise if you're a real author.

>>6244993
You sign up for a publishers account which gets linked to a real bank account and you have to give them info for tax purposes so amazon knows, but no one else should be able to.
>>
is there a comedic element to these (aside from the ridiculous premises) or are these stories told with a serious tone?
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>>6245014
When you want bigfoot to rape you, do you want humour in your rape?
>>
I actually love writing erotica. What does all this stuff entail? Id love to just throw up some old erolit that i never posted anywhere or finished and rake in some side cash
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>>6245014
I'd be interested in reading a serious, plot-driven novel about big foot raping housewives that's heavy on character development and explores the themes of what it means to truly be human, quite frankly.
>>
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>>6245021
i suppose not
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>>6245024
I suggest that you conduct a hostile misreading of Harry and the Hendersons.
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i wrote a lot of goldensun and fireemblem fanfics back in the day; if i just nameswap to generic fantasy names could i make $$$$$
>>
>>6245014
I put in a little comedy but people buy erotica to get off so I try and keep it sexy. The premise is in itself comedy, but you don't want to fap to Adam Sandler you want to fap to some big titty Chilean slut.

>>6245022
Nothing. You can probably upload your old stories and make a few bucks. I honestly wonder if amazon is a new age way to launder money because there is no way some of these books let along mine should be making money
>>
Who READS pornography?
>>
Do you have to stick to public domain images for the covers or is there some fair use magic you're using that I don't know about?
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>>6245032

Give it a try. It's possible. I'm not going to lie and pretend this is the new gold rush. I know some of the shitty books I sell don't sell so don't go into it thinking you're going to be affording the top shelf hookers next week (I myself can only afford the $200 ones on backpage though some months I spring for a nice one to just to treat myself)
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>>6245041

The Fairer Sex
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>>6244574
How exactly do these things sell? Do you just write them, put them on Amazon and then people who are just searching around for weird sex shit find it and you make money? I find it hard to believe it's that simple.

What's your best seller?

What work are you most proud of? Do you have a favourite passage or anything of the sort?

Also, could you post some sort of proof you're for real. I can't imagine what that proof would be, but this sounds like a joke.
>>
>>6245042

Most of what I use is straight from wikipedia lol. You can also use free trials on stock image websites. And there's a trick that if you image search I think its img:istock and then the name of the image you want you'll see the ones people bought from the stock websites but that's probably not legal so I can't condone it. Wikipedia is the way to go since it's all free commons. Just photoshop it up.
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Does Amazon have any content restrictions, like stuff they won't publish?
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>>6244574
> le thinly-veiled self-promo shill
Fuck the hell off.
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>>6245043
You must be shrooming
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>>6245007
I don't live in the US can't I just do it through Paypal?
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>>6244574
>>6245054

this is so disgusting i don't think i could bring myself to do it, muh morals muh dignity
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>>6245047
I have no fucking clue. I think it's all about seo. I might have just been lucky with the tags (you get like 7) and picked good ones that people search for that aren't oversaturated. It's not simple, anyone who's self pubbed their masterpiece can tell you that. Before these I wrote a book under my real name and it sold like 10 copies and I think my grandma bought 1 of them.

None of the eroticas lol. Most of what I write in these things is shit but there's a few lines that make me laugh.
>>
OP you fucked up
we all about to saturate this market
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>>6245078
i was thinking the same thing
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>>6245059

I think they don't want incest stuff, child stuff (obviously) or bestiality but for some reason sex with mythical animals is a loophole.

>>6245061
dont buy it im honestly just here to help because someone did one of these almost a year ago and it got me going so now I figured it was my turn

>>6245064
:)

>>6245065
You don't have to be in the US. I don't think you can use paypal.

>>6245070
Nothing is wrong with using free to use on wikipedia. You're not going to get the nicest pictures to use. But that's the cost of free. The last way I mentioned is wrong and I don't do that.
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>>6245078

it's fine thechive recently wrote an article on this and tons of people are doing this monster stuff so it won't matter if a couple of my /lit/ bros do it. In fact I'd rather you get a piece then some other person. I moved on to another niche too which I think is hot right now
>>
What's the purpose of the pseudonyms? I mean, surely it'd be more beneficial for you if an admirer of your work could see your whole oeuvre?
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>>6245078
You cunt saturate a dripping market.

SEX MICROECONOMICS EROTICA SERIES

E. Z. Dinghardt

J Curve Press.
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>>6245091
>I moved on to another niche too which I think is hot right now
Gay dinosaur CEOs isn't it?
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>>6245111
Women who want to be raped by bigfoot don't enjoy stories about rock guitar playing dinosaurs and the men they force to submit to their cocks.
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>>6245111

I was testing something out but there's also a strategy employed by some of the major erotica churners that takes the basic principal of mad libs and applies it to erotica. What I mean by this is, a lot of authors write one story, take out character names, sexual niches etc and then replace them with new ones as if they were mad libs so that they can effectively sell the story twice but in a different market.
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>>6245127
gold
>>
The amazing thing is that people actually buy this stuff when there's more than enough free material online. And I don't mean piracy.
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>>6245091
How much money do you think one could make if they churned out one of these stories a month?
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>>6244641
OP's already included Irish people, that's pretty diverse already.
>>
How do you stop yourself from masturbating as you write?
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>>6245085
Dinosaurs are a bestiality loophole too, right? Or have the dinosex books been banned?

Also, did you do any research in terms of finding out how these porn books operate? I've never read one for obvious reasons, and there must be a lot of standard tropes to incorporate.
>>
>>6245308
Why do you think it took OP an hour?
>>
>>6244977
kek
>>
>>6244676
It's not heresy, but it sounds as if you simply didn't get anything Cervantes wrote down.
>>
People have always bought trash and there have always been people like you that would deliver it OP. Literary fiction has always been a preserve of the intellectual turds like classical music and theater.

I'm skeptical of your success though. I don't know why 500 people bought your book unless you paid reviewers. Which I know happens quite a bit. It's not exactly a great income though. That's $1000 in a year? I suppose it's good for an hour though. But I don't believe that. It takes like 3 hours to format a fucking ebook properly and you'd have to have written like 100 words a minute.

You only need to replicate that success like 40 times a year to be making a decent living.
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>>6244574
>>6244965
There's going to be a massive influx of shite on amazon.. Thanks, OP.
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>>6245347
These works tend to be 15 pages long. Check the market.
>>
All aboard the erotic mythical creatures bandwagon to success
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>>6245318
Not OP, but just read some 4.00 and up rated erotic stuff on goodreads, check TV tropes for the cliches, then just write whatever.
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>>6245356

I know. That's still a lot to write for an hour. Even without any real editing.
>>
You published a 222 page romance novel?
What the fuck, man?
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>>6245361
Ruggerbugger yowies ate out my tight CFO anus.

AUSTRALIAN EROTIC HORROR TALES

B. J. Long

New Matilda Publishers
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>>6245368

My mind is literally blown that OP was being serious - i thought he was making this shit up but then i looked that he's actually selling that shit for 5 bucks a piece.

I'm having a hard time he sold 500 copies though, it simply can't be unless he put up ads in all of the mental institutions in the US.
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>>6245353
yes indeed
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>>6245381

Yeah, sorry about that miserable post - i'm tired and i think i might have a brain aneurysm due to headaches i've been having.
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Oh man lol
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>>6245426

You actually fucking bought it?
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>>6245426
jesusfuckingchrist
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>>6245426
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>>6245426
Oh god.
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>>6245426
John Green got competition grandson
>>
Sex sells, who would've thought.
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>>6245470
Sex with leprechauns and rapes by bigfoot sells, who would have thought?
>>
>>6245480

It's like you only just discovered that the world is filled with perverts.
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>>6245426
the way women are aroused cant stop fascinating me.
>tfw sexting with a grill from the other side of the world and im gonna use some of the things she reacted well to in my book
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>>6245485
Tell us more about the sexting. What did you message her?
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Someone should cater to the underserved niche of tall guys with a fetish for dressing up as trees and having girls climb them
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>>6245508
"Well, this was an odd branch", Laurie thought and looked at the hot pulsating apple at the end of the twig. "Maybe if I kiss it, the tree will feel better".
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Fuck getting a job, I am now a earthworm scat writer, Thanks op!
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>>6245514
When can I buy it?
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You should get into the emerging market of Marxist erotica.
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>>6245551
>not Islamist erotica
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>>6245503
it was a while ago so i cant remeber the exact details. the thing i noticed while sexting with her (and others, also from different cultures) is that women are aroused by men being aroused by them. we see tits/ass and were aroused, they see a man lusting after them and that makes them wet. a major difference when you think about it.
also they dont rely on visual imagery and facts as much. but everything auditory, oh my. moaning and grunting. shit, dont even start me on whispering
arms are important, moving them, holding them. eye contact is big. i figured keeping it simple is the best way most of the times, so tight pussies and cocks moving in, girls being thrown around and pushed onto the bed. they love cum because it means they are hot. they love hard dick because it means they are hot. she is desired. when she feels desired she cums
as a man you have to constantly remind yourself it doesnt actually matter how the situation looks like but what the psychological implications are. men being dominant and losing control because of how hot she is what its all about.
we desire, they want to feel desired. so make em feel desired
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>>6245556
>tfw this is actually a market now
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>>6245556
That could work too, I just want a story where the proletariat stops being so tsun and puts out for the bourgeoisie.
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>>6245519
inb4 somebody posts the leech-earthworm vore video
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>>6244574
>I wrote and published this piece of shit book in less than 1 hour.
self-published?...
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>>6245577
Of course, being published by a coporation is selling out your art.
>>
Jesus its real.
http://www.amazon.com/Leprechaun-that-loved-Creature-Erotica-ebook/dp/B00KEIC9IY/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1425899027&sr=1-1&keywords=the+leprechaun++that+loved
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>>6244574
Love your pic my dear JD Deer.
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>>6245592
>tfw no qt gf who writes poorly thought out erotica
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>>6245570
Rugged manliness, exotic desert locations, dangerous power dynamics, the temptations of the forbidden... It basically has it all. Except mythical creatures, I guess. Maybe throw in an Islamist genie?
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>>6245608
That unicorn from the koran should do
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