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please help, /lgbt/ >pansexual >i've been with cis

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please help, /lgbt/

>pansexual
>i've been with cis and trans women but no cis-men (yet)
>men scare the shit out of me
>sexually and physically abused by males throughout my life
>i've gotten close with cis-male homosexuals but when things start getting sexual i start getting flashbacks and get overwhelmed


what do i do? why am i like this? :-(
>>
>>8838139
Probably some kind of post abuse PTSD, you should see a doctor
>>
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>>8838149
i've been diagnosed with PTSD. been seeing a psychiatrist for 12 years now (i'm 25) and am currently doing cognitive behavioral therapy with a psychologist

>meds don't help, i've been on over 30 different ones with no success after 12 years
>talking it out hasn't helped

suicide would be nice but i don't want to make my mom sad
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