Need help to figure out...

>>8744334
:(

Given you've said you dissociate your "here" self from your "true irl" self, I'm not sure if there's anything anyone here can do to help you.

P.S. >>8744472
I guess what I mean is, you should see a therapist or something irl. Or start crossdressing, or *something*. If you're going to college, use that as a chance to break your routine.

It sounds like posting on a forum isn't going to help, if you've been doing that for years.

>>8744334
Just buy hormones off the internet like everyone else.

>>8744334
How do you feel towards crossdressing?

How often do you pick female characters in video games or pretend to be a girl online?

What are your sexual fantasies?

>>8744472
>>8744493
There's no therapists here, i live in a small city of a shitty country and they probably treat gender dysphoria as Schizophrenia...

>>8745063
I did order them, but i can't do this without being sure, sometimes i feel like doing it and sometimes i ignore/forget this completely, and both feelings are growing stronger everyday...

>>8745083
>How do you feel towards crossdressing?
As i child, i did it sometimes, wearing my mom and sister bras and dresses for the euphoric and anxiety feeling it caused.
Then puberty started at 11, i did it almost everyday in a sexual way, i didn't even knew the internet during this time and i don't know where the idea came from...
But lately, i would just dress myself and try lots of different clothes, spending hours in my sister room. The few times i got sexually aroused, i just wished it would go away. I slowly realized how good it feels.

>How often do you pick female characters in video games or pretend to be a girl online?
I don't remember the last time i've picked a male character in a game tbqh, except for games like Dota. I pick female chars every time and do pretend i'm a girl often (Like when i was playing a mmorpg alone and a girl started talking to me... She thought i was a girl and treated me as one, and i didn't bother to correct her tbqh. I've presented myself as a girl during months, until my HDD got corrupted and i lost the game...)
With my friends in discord and steam, i like to use female names and anime pics even if they know i'm male

>What are your sexual fantasies?
I don't think i have strong sexual fantasies, the only thing i can think of is being dominated

>>8745825
There's no way you're not trans.

>>8745825
>mfw you're probs one of those 'I wish I was a girl...too bad I'm not trans so I'd have an excuse to be a girl' types of trans girls

Protip: You're trans. See a therapist or self-med.

Get on anti-testosterone and HRT, eat healthy, save for FFS

>>8745825
>and i don't know where the idea came from...
It came from being AGP. AGP is the cause of transsexuality.

>>8744334
Pro tip: Take shit said here with a grain of salt.
Even what I say.

As for being sure, you never truely 100% be sure. Ultimately it may get to 99% at best pre-hormones. It's gonna partially be a leap of faith.

It's a gamble partially wheater it's the right thing to do.

Though to make it possibly simpler. When I did doubt, the moment I had to defend my feelings I went full zombie mode and went with standard trans narrative to speed up clinic process(though I ended up diying anyways for a while).

Where was your other thread?

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>>8745910
>>8746100
Someone posted earlier but deleted the post... i feel lke that person. Yes, my narrative is very traditional, i sound like a trans person alot. But still... I'm unsure because i'm "ok" by doing nothing. I mean, life is sad and terrible anyway, i won't be making it easier/happier by transitioning, just finding a reason to chase hapiness, as right now i don't have one. I will lose my friends, probably my parents, and it will be way harder to live. I'm a person in a shitty corner of the world, with no relatives with this kind of problem. Why am i like this? It makes no sense wether it's genetical, environmental or social. It's true that its getting hard to deny i'm trans more than to accept, but i don't know if i'm speaking from the heart...

wdym with " 'I wish I was a girl...too bad I'm not trans so I'd have an excuse to be a girl' types of trans girls"?

>>8746349
I don't ignore this possibility. It would be easier if i knew i'm agp because i would just have to ignore...

>>8746705
Thanks. This is what scare and confuses me... It's MY decision and leap of faith, and i have the chance to fuck everything up if i take hrt and i'm not trans, or if i ignore this and come back here at 24...

>>8749507
Wdym? Where i used to post? Here in this board. I wrote lots of threads while slowly trying to find an answer.

>>8749717
>It would be easier if i knew i'm agp because i would just have to ignore...
AGP is trans. You can't ignore it.

stop reposting this thread over and over again attention seeker

fking transition or don't

>>8751555
Bro i never created a thread like this

Probably someone else with the same problem asking for help. It's not uncommon y'know

>>8751502
>agp is trans
agp is narcissistic fetishism

>>8751723
agp is what happens when you try to ignore that you're trans

>>8751723
>narcissistic fetishism
indecipherable hate fueled nonsense.

>>8751761
not all trans people are agp, some are hsts

>>8751761
>trans causes AGP

>>8751761
Actually, and somwhat weirdly, my agp did kinda go away when I started transitioning, but once I started to become comfortable with myself it came back. Soooo, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I don't mind it in the slightest though, cuz I'm a girl. It's pretty great.

>>8755132
how what makes you feel your agp changed?

like it would be weirder is girl clothes turn you on now you're wearing them 24/7.

>>8755137
I'm not turned on by women's clothing, I just love the fact that I'm a girl now in the obvious physical way that I used to wish for. I'm not aroused 24/7 or anything remotely close, just when I happen to look particularly good, or in the case of actively fantasizing where I tend to fixate on myself and actions done to myself.

Sometimes randomly I'll have these profound moments of realization where I notice something that has just become so normal to me as a woman and I'm not sure if it's arousal but it's like a whole body tingly feeling and spine shivers, it's neat.

>>8755294
you're a real success story.

what are the things you get realizations about?

in everyday life when you see men and women do you feel like one of the women and like the men are 'other'?

>>8755304
Like if a guy does something to help me without provocation I'll realize that, holy shit, this is just a thing I do now. Men help me do things.

Or if I'm in a conversation and we're talking about women's issues not only does my opinion matter but it's actually expected for me to share my opinion. It could be anything, parenting, periods, whatever.

As for this, I can't say as I've ever felt like one gender was the "other". I've always interacted with both. But, practically speaking, a lot of things have changed. How much men and women are willing to talk to me, what they talk to me about, that sort of thing. So yeah, the shift is definitively towards women in terms of inclusion.

The men who I see as "other" tend to be the ones who treat me differently because I'm a girl. That's something that's really hard to get over. Guys are much weirder when it comes to interacting with girls than vice versa, and when you're on the other side of that, well, it's unpleasant.

>>8744334
Start hormomes lmao, if you don't like it after a few months you can always detransition. All you'll have is an extremely moddrate case of gyno at worst

>>8755356
more holy shit moments?

>Guys are much weirder when it comes to interacting with girls than vice versa, and when you're on the other side of that, well, it's unpleasant.
what do they do?

>>8749717
If you don't think it's necessary for you transition, it might be because you're used to being unhappy.
Perhaps you never thought feeling better was an option

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This was me, eight or nine years ago.

The answers never going to come, anon. It still hasn't for me, because there's no angel that will descend from the heavens and hand you your answer, there's no stunning moment of revelation. There's simply a point where you realize you're not happy, you want to be happy, and the reason you're not happy is you're a girl living as a boy. Realizing that you're not going to wake up one day as a girl, that you're going to have to put in the work, take the risk, put everything you have on letting out these feelings.

Because when you do and when you tell people and when they start calling you female...for a moment, all that doubt vanishes, and you feel complete. It's only a fleeting moment, though, and you have to keep earning them, one after another.

>>8755409
Sometimes just outright misogyny for not paying as much attention to them as they think they deserve, or if you don't reciprocate something you didn't ask for they'll turn on a dime and call you a bitch. It's pretty fucking unbelievable the first time it happens.

Guys talk over girls, assume they know more than girls, and question all of your opinions.

There's about a million double standards I couldn't name on the spot.

And trying to be friends with guys is frankly just an annoying process most of the time. There's usually a distance, and if there isn't there are most likely sexual overtones. I'm immensely thankful for my cadre of guy friends I knew pre-transition.

I didn't give any holy shit moments, did I?

I remember one time I was walking downtown with a friend to get dinner after we were at a club, and I got catcalled for the first time. I thought it was for my friend but I traced the eye contact back to myself. Quite frankly I didn't believe it at first but once it sunk in that was a holy shit moment.

Another time at said club there was a guy who was a bit too drunk and started hitting on me, saying I look like Rachel from Blade Runner. It hadn't occurred to me that he was being serious until I got home that night and looked it up, sure enough, I resemble Sean Young. People actually think I look like a reasonably attractive cis woman. That's mind blowing when you finally get over your self-image hang-ups and come to terms with it. I highly recommend doing so at your earliest convenience.

Not to say I'm not dysphoric at all though, laser didn't get rid of all my body hair and I'm really self-conscious about that. 5'9" isn't exactly short either and I still feel like I'm too tall whenever I'm talking to someone. And despite everyone's insistence to the contrary, my shoulders are the bane of my existence.

>>8755568
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sean_Young
>Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
>Lt. Lois Einhorn / Ray Finkle
:/

>I'm immensely thankful for my cadre of guy friends I knew pre-transition.
how did transitioning change things with them?

>It's pretty fucking unbelievable the first time it happens.
i bet. why are guys like that?

more things guys do, double standards and etc, and holy shit moments?

after a holy shit moment when it's sunk in what's it like, being reminded you're a girl now?

>>8755568
Also, this anon captures it perfectly >>8755455

That's what that feels like, those moments of realization. They're absolutely worth it.

>>8755605
Oh, huh, I wasn't aware of that, never watched the movie but I know the reference. He specifically said Blade Runner though, so I certainly hope he wasn't saying I look like a tranny.

Different strokes for different folks. One of them was super-tumblr and was weirdly fine and normal about it. The one I'd known the longest couldn't believe and didn't accept that I was trans and didn't believe being trans was a "real" thing for that matter until I stayed up late into the night talking with him several times. Later, once my sexuality came up, I confessed that I liked him. This too was incomprehensible to him somehow, but by some bizarre turn of events we actually ended up, uh, experimenting. Unfortunately he wasn't nearly as into it as I was. Things were weird for a while but later got back on track and it's back to normal. Yet another is a pseudo-redneck dickhead that made fun of me through highschool and this is just the latest and most significant fodder for his banter. I was very surprised at how little shits he gave, joking aside. There's also a girl in the group who's "one of the guys" and it turned out she had some gender issues of her own she told me about and she was the first person I knew who "got it".

I have no idea why guys are like that. I was never like that, and my friends weren't that kinda person either.

My blogposting is kinda waning on me at this point so I'm afraid my life story will be cut short here, but to answer your last question, it's the kind of thing you live for. It's like a buzz, like that feeling you get when you cuddle up with someone you love, but instead it's you. It's like >>8755455 said. You feel whole, comfortable, content. A "warm fuzzy feeling" and a whole body shiver.

If you really wanna know, go find out yourself though.

>>8755704
>He specifically said Blade Runner though,
it must be just a coincidence. no way would he bring up the wrong movie to imply tranny. weird coincidence though.

thank you for blogposting anon.

>If you really wanna know, go find out yourself though.
i don't pass.

>>8755721
Everyone thinks they don't pass until they start passing. I thought I didn't pass even after I started passing. And I definitely never thought I'd pass when I started transitioning. I looked like a man, and I questioned what I was doing all the time. The thing that kept me going at first was the simple fact I could deal with aging as a man, whether or not I was successful, and because given the choice between making an attempt or being miserable and sometimes suicidal all the time, I could always just an hero later if I failed.

Though I definitely don't reccomend that line of thinking, once you start hormones you'll probably realize that worst case scenario, hormone femboy isn't that terrible. I was stuck like that for a while cause it was just the path of least resistance until I got my shit together.

>>8755792
*couldn't

>>8755455
You're a pathetic loser, you aren't worthy of that tripcode

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>>8744334
Kind of in the same situation, but my reasons are clear, i like myself as a trap/feminine thing and it's HRT or vodka.

However, i'm probably agp because the feelings about being a girl makes me feel in peace but somewhat turns me on, so i'm thinking about trying Cypro for some time to see if they go away with my sex drive.

I'm only waiting because i'm going to College right now, i fear that the hormonal changes will make whats going to be hard, even worse. I have severe social anxiety.

>>8757125
One of the typical mental changes of hormones is actually reduced anxiety so I doubt that.

In my experience the "AGP" isn't actually related to my sex drive all that much, so I doubt that'll go away. You'd think it would, but eh.

>>8757125
What about mood swings? Some people say it's really hard in the first months...

Also, i'll need to take cypro alone for like 1 month while E arrives, so i'm scared of the effects cypro will have (like, they say it indulces aphaty... I'm already almost dead most of times, cypro will make me a vegetal right?)

>>8758335
It honestly wasn't that bad for me.

Like, after a while I started crying much easier, but I felt that this was actually a good thing- I was able to get all that pent up emotion out, rather than bottling it up. Same with things like stress induced crying

honestly the emotional swings kinda helped me. It was much better than the deadzone of depression

Atrophy? That'll take a while. It's just a use it or lose it thing- so long as you manage to get an erection every month or so, you'll be fine.

>>8758370
It... doesn't sounds bad tbqh

I'm not worried about dick desu, it's more of a terminal bdd thing or heavily repressed dysphoria. But good to know that, this way i'll be safe if i realize it's not what i want. Ty.

>>8758335
You're supposed to take the AA alone first anyway.

The AA won't cause mood swings, that's the estrogen.

It will make you low-energy though, but not like a zombie. I'd describe it as calm and focused. It's more lethargy than outright apathy. I didn't mind the first month very much.

Around the second month of being on estrogen is when your emotions go haywire. It settles down after a couple months but you'll probably be an emotional rollercoaster during that time.

>>8758393
>AAs alone first

I mean, you can, but AA + E will castrate you faster then AA's alone.