confusing childhood sexual experiences

I was violently raped once when I was 11. Does that count?

>>8656204
yes

also still op but i was repeatedly abused sexually in this daycare when i was 4-5 so i wonder if shit in the op has anything to do with what happened there

idk shit sucks

>>8655974
Had sex in school. We got caught by students. Bj with my cousin's friend in my cousin's house.

I was wrestling with my cousin, I was probably around 8 he was 13, I think I kind of got a boner and started humping him, he asked me what the fuck I was doing and threw me off

>>8655974
>tfw had this exact experience on a family weekend around that age
>tfw he is chad now

>>8656412
i forgot to add that it was a thing that we'd do when we'd get to be together

we lived like 5 hours away from each other so it wasn too often though

When I was young, my best friend and I loved videogames. We would usually play at his house. His room was small but he had bunkbeds. I would always take bottom bunk and he'd take top, with his feet dangling over. He'd always wear black sweat socks. I literally can remember the moment that I not only realize I was gay, but a footfag. We were playing Secret of Mana.

Sexually abused by babysitter
Nobody believed me.

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>>8656671
Same, shit sucks man.

>>8655974
Nothing explicitly sexual that I recall but my mum used to do a lot of creepy and inappropriate things to me and my sister

such as

>"peeking" up my ass whenever I took a shit, circa age 3 or 5
>Commenting on my "cute little penis"
>"Playfully" biting my ass. Hard.
>Walking around naked all the time up until I was in elementary school
>Not closing the door when she was in the bathroom right up until I was in middle school
>still bathing/drying me off up until I was in middle school
>Insisting on biting my hangnails off up until I was in middle school

>>8657011

she did the same to your sister too?

>>8657030
I know she experienced at least some of the same things I did. My parents and her got into a feud after she moved overseas and I overheard my parents angrily discussing her on more than one occasion.

According to my mom, all the things she did were completely normal and every parent does them.

>>8655974
I was sexually abused by a family friend when I was 13, she was about 2 years older than me. She moved and cut ties with us and I didn't tell anyone until after that point.

>>8655974
I remember masturbating as a young kid (preschool age), which is fairly normal if you look it up, but a lot of the sites take care to stress it's just a physical "this feels good" deal and not a sexual thing. But I distinctly remember fantasizing while doing it, not about sex because I didn't know anything about sex in preschool, but about getting spanked or beaten. Really confuses me that it seems I was a kinky little shit from the get-go.

I would try to masturbate during preschool naptime because naptime is boring and the people would give me a book to read instead when they caught me and evidently this was such a chronic thing that they spoke to my mom about it often. She had the whole mentality of "it's natural" and didn't try to stop me, she just told me this is a private thing you need to do only in your room when you are alone. Ironically, I remember the preschool staff in one of these talks saying if she didn't stop me, it would make me gay.

>>8656630
Did you ever do anything sneeky with him? My friend's a footfag and he has some interesting stories he's admitted to

>>8657011
>biting my handnails off

WHAT THE FUCK

my mum used to cut them with a scissor but who the fuck bites off their childrens handnails

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>>8657125
sneaky* I just woke up

>>8657059

it might have been even worse for her if she's estranged

>According to my mom, all the things she did were completely normal and every parent does them.

mine walked around naked but nothing like anything else yours did

>>8657139
Yeah, my dad has this unfortunate habit of walking to and from the shower to his room naked and still does it now, but nothing else on that list.

>>8657127
hangnails, as in those little pieces of skin at the root of the fingernail

>>8657139
They seem to be on speaking terms again. I'm not sure how or why that happened.
I still live with them but when I do eventually move I'm cutting contact.

raped by a man at ~4, molested and repeatedly publicly humiliated by a woman at 5.
>feel constantly on guard around men, because i always feel a sense of impending danger. repressed all homo urges for almost 20 years, and still find the thought of things going in my butt revolting.
>can't trust women, constantly afraid of nudes/info/convos leaking, them manipulating me or pinning some bullshit on me to get public outrage. empathy coming from a woman is a completely foreign concept to me.
i'm basically a walking ball of insecurity that can't feel comfortable or trust anyone. i also fucking hate how people take pics of you without asking. i can't fucking stand pics of me being taken. i'll smash the fucking camera before i let that shit happen. fuck anyone who tries it.

>>8656671
>>8656696
same. still fucks my shit up, senpai.

I fucked a 13 year old boy when I was 12.
He was asleep.
I'm pretty much a rapist.

>>8657125
Nothing much. Jerked off with my face an inch from his feet while he slept. Used to steal his socks to smell while I jerked off.

>>8656671
>>8656696
>>8657375
People act so obsessed with protecting children and then ignore them when they are abused and say so.

>>8657705
shit, i've been outright mocked by female SA victims. a lot of people just dont give a fuck about other people. a lot of adults and parents will throw out any and every claim made by a child, no matter how consistent, because children are inherently untrustworthy.
i dont know about you guys, but having my own mother call me a liar while i was bawling my eyes out fucked me up. ended up developing a detachment to reality and a reflex to lie whenever something bad that happened came up and i didn't want to admit/talk about it.
haven't told a lie in a year or two, and i'm damn proud. didn't actually realize my problem til i was about 17, and i've been trying to change myself since.

I found fat furry porn on the internet during Middle School. It's sad...I know.

>>8657722
Female victims treating you like that is disgusting. What did they say?

You told your mother about the abuse at the time and she just took no notice? It's really depressing how kids are treated even when it doesn't enable abuse.

>>8657856
>What did they say?
shit like men can't be raped, i probably enjoyed it, i didn't deserve to be there because even if i was raped i couldn't understand how they felt.
>You told your mother about the abuse at the time and she just took no notice?
it's worse than that. i was repeatedly abused in front of my siblings for months. we got together and collectively approached our mother and told her (as best we could, i was ~5 and my oldest sister was ~8) everything we could. unfair treatment, being left in cars alone for hours (summertime btw), being mocked/threatened, and of course the sexual abuse. she outright denied it all, said we imagined everything up because we just didn't like her, and said we'd regret it if we ever told our father. so we didn't. my dad didn't find out until years later.

>>8657874
>i didn't deserve to be there because even if i was raped i couldn't understand how they felt.
I kind of feel like this is worse than just outright saying men can't be raped. It's admitting it was rape but still saying it wasn't bad.

Assuming this was at a support group, what did the moderator/therapist do?

>unfair treatment, being left in cars alone for hours (summertime btw), being mocked/threatened, and of course the sexual abuse.
Why were you picked on instead of your siblings?

>said we'd regret it if we ever told our father. so we didn't. my dad didn't find out until years later.
It almost sounds like she did believe you and wanted to cover for your abuser. Why else would she tell you not to tell your father?

What did he do when he did find out?

>>8657925
>what did the moderator/therapist do?
i was asked to leave and never come back
>Why were you picked on instead of your siblings?
we were all hosed, mocked, berated, and neglected but i was the only one sexually abused as far as i know. no clue why. she could have been a pedo and not just a sick hateful fuck, and since she is heterosexual afaik it would make sense that the only boy got the sexual focus. most of it was done either at whim or as a punishment. i distinctly remember her saying to us to get ready to leave to go to "the park" (she'd always leave us alone or in the car to hang with friends). i didnt want to go because...fuck staying in a turned off car in 95 degree weather for 3-4 hours. stipped, smacked, and my sisters were forced to help her insult me.
>Why else would she tell you not to tell your father?
no idea. it was in the time after our original sitter left (since my oldest sister was 2, before i was born. left us when i was like 3-4 to start a family), and we fucking loved her like a mom. she probably just reflexively assumed it was a plot to get our old nanny back.
>What did he do when he did find out?
rip snortin' pissed. the sitter was the grand daughter of a friend of my great grandmother, so our families had been close for 50-60 years. hell, the bitch was even babysat by my great aunt. he believed us, since the story hadnt changed after several years. my mom has since apologized and afaik there is no longer any bond between families. my dad was a cunt in his own right, but i love his response of "why the hell didn't anyone tell me?"
i have apparently blocked the memory out, since i'm the only one who doesn't remember, but apparently when i was like 7-8 (so 2-3 years or so after seeing her for the last time) we ran into her and her parents at a local baseball game and i broke down crying or something and ran away. again, don't even remember it happening but both sisters and both parents attest to it.

>>8657999
>i was asked to leave and never come back
What the fuck?

>and since she is heterosexual afaik it would make sense that the only boy got the sexual focus. most of it was done either at whim or as a punishment.
Being the only boy answers it, whether it was her heterosexuality or just hate of boys. What punishments did she have for you and your sisters?

Have you ever seen her since the blocked memory or reported her at all?

>>8658335
>What punishments did she have for you and your sisters?
everything but the sexual stuff, afaik. they may just have never shared, but i dont think anything happened. left in cars, no lunch, yelled at, that sorta shit
>Have you ever seen her since the blocked memory or reported her at all?
nope and nope. i don't know how accurate this is, but i heard through the grapevine (it was something like the mother of the friend of my aunt sorta shit, but told to me by my sis and mom) that she's now a poor single mom with a history of drug-related arrests. sending her to prison would just give her resources, help, and safety she doesn't deserve. i feel horrible for the kids, especially if they havent been taken away by now, but the cops already know and don't do anything so it's clear they won't be removed without a significant new development.
and i did not go back. it was a shit thing to do, but if they were genuinely >triggered i understand

>>8658401
>left in cars, no lunch, yelled at, that sorta shit
That doesn't sound as bad as what happened to you for not wanting to be left in the car.

>but the cops already know and don't do anything so it's clear they won't be removed without a significant new development.
The cops know about the abuse or just the drugs?

>and i did not go back. it was a shit thing to do, but if they were genuinely >triggered i understand
I don't get how the therapist could think it was an ok thing to tell you.

I expect they get public funding and advertise themselves as open to everybody, when in fact that's how they treat male abuse victims.

>>8658437
she has a crime record, and her family history is kept on file i assume. or at the very least, it would be easy to find out whether or not a woman has kids.
and i agree with you on the male victim point, but needs of the many and all that. i'm lucky enough to be able to get help elsewhere, so i can't complain too much

Once jerked off to an illustration of a cute drow boy tied up in a D&D module when I was like 12-14 or so. Don't remember.

Never realized that was at all homo until like today.

I vaguely remember a classmate and I showing each other our dicks in elementary school. I don't remember much desu. I think he asked me to "lick" his but I don't remember if I did. I was super innocent, didn't know what gays even were. From time to time I check his fb to see if he is gay/out of closet.

>>8659828
...why does my post say desu. I'm not anime trash I swear. Also this was all in the school bathroom

>>8659847
It's called a word filter.

>>8655974
When I was maybe like 8-9 and my brother was 11-12 I used to sneak into his room at night and we would half wrestle/half cuddle/get spooned by him.
I don't remember being attracted to him, but he eventually started telling me not to come into his room at night and he became hostile as fuck to me afterwards.
He is kinda weird these days (has an anime cuddle pillow and neckbeard).
Plus I used to be really scared of being in a room by myself for ages and so I used to follow him around and watch him play PC games all the time.

Trans girl btw

>>8660866
He probably started getting boners and the gay bullying started to get into swing at school.

I was sexually abused regularly by my cousin and granddad from the ages of 5-10. With my granddad there was no penetration he just touched me and made me do the same with me. With my cousin there was penetration and he was about 4 years older than me.

This was extremely confusing for me because I enjoyed it but I knew it was a bad thing. I still feel kinda guilty about it.

Then when I was 16 and after I came out and had physically and socially transitioned(I started transitioning at 13) my best friend since I was just a toddler raped me. He got me drunk and I was in that state where you're only partially conscious but you can't really move or anything. Whenever I tried to wake up properly he choked me and told me to sleep again and I did what he said.

I'm still kinda confused because when I think about getting raped I get super turned on.

>>8655974
When I was 10 I was over at my friends place and he asked me if I have ever kissed anyone. I said no and he asked if I would like to try, I said yes and then he leaned in and kissed me right on the lips, I didn't flinch back because I was confused why I liked it.

>>8661446
Are your parents religious?

>>8665042

not in the slightest what makes you ask?

>>8666141
So you can lie and say your parents aren't religious.

>>8666147

I seriously don't understand what you're trying to get at here.

>>8666603
You asked yourself a question in order to give yourself the opportunity to answer that question with a Christian lie.

>>8666603
It's a shitposter who accuses everyone he thinks is cishet of being religious. For whatever reason he took a dislike to your parents, so either they are Christian or you are lying that they aren't Christian.

>>8666631

Um.. sure, okay

>>8658546
>but needs of the many and all that.
Refusing help to male victims and attacking them is hardly good for the needs of any many worthy of help.

>i'm lucky enough to be able to get help elsewhere, so i can't complain too much
You certainly can. The fact you needed luck at all in order to get help is awful.

>>8661415
Lmao. probably. He hasn't ever had a gf

Cousin forced me to kiss him and suck his dick when we were little. He promised me yugioh cards, but of course never got them. There was a 5-8 year gap between us