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Anonymous
Some kind of bisexuality 2017-06-09 10:28:17 Post No. 8410739
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Some kind of bisexuality 2017-06-09 10:28:17 Post No. 8410739
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Mostly posting that just to vent.
So... I consider myself bisexual, since I'm theoretically attracted to both men and women. But if I go into greater detail about it, it gets more complicated.
See, I'm not attracted to traditionally masculine men. Excessive body hair is a major turn off for me, and so is stereotypical masculine behavior(arrogance, aggression, etc.). The latter makes me outright scared sometimes. I do like penises though. Penises are nice.
With rare exceptions(Skallagrim, Colin Furze), the kind of guys I generally find attractive are usually the cute type - slender, somewhat nerdy(Hank Green is an example), often kinda feminine. FtMs are also fine, assuming they don't fall into the aforementioned hypermasculine category.
But aside from that, I feel that I'm leaning much stronger towards women(feminine, tomboyish - doesn't matter). Which causes me a huge amount of internal shame - for obvious reasons, considering I'm MtF. Cis women are good, but trans women are often equally good. And, being trans myself, for some reason I feel a deeper connection with them.
Recently I've noticed that looking at attractive trans women makes me feel extremely lonely. I want a girlfriend. Someone whose personality would be compatible with mine. Whom I would be able to love and who would love me too. Too bad I'm ugly, fat and boring.
Melody Lane is one of the examples of trans women I find attractive. Christine Love is another - my heart melts when I look at her pictures.
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>>8410739
So, seeing as getting a gf is currently not feasible for someone like me for reasons mentioned before, and fixing those reasons will take over a year at best... How do I stop being so unbearably lonely for now?
I've never dated anyone in my life. As I reached my early 20s pre-HRT, I kinda managed to come to terms with my loneliness and came to accept that I'm most likely to live the rest of my life alone(in a romantic sense). Later I started taking an antidepressant+antipsychotic combo, which also helped numb the pain from the more stronger of my emotions, which was good.
However, about half a year into HRT now, my E levels have become quite high and I also started taking progesterone. So I guess it's a teenage-like hormonal clusterfuck for me again, only with female hormones now.
I don't know how to deal with it.
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Yesterday I was looking through the pictures of some cute trans women, and guess what? Here it comes. The crushing feeling of loneliness hit me like a sledgehammer.
I slept for 13 hours and I feel a little better now. Empty inside, but at least the unbearable pain is gone.
Worst of all... I'm already almost 26.
I've never known what it's like to be loved. What it's like to have a partner, to date someone.
I feel old. It's like most of my life is already behind me. I've completely missed out on the most interesting and active part of life - the teenage years and young adulthood. And I don't see anything good ahead of me.
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>>8415025
my mom divorced my dad last year and she has dated like 4 guys already, you are never too old to date, find love, etc. teenage years are definitely interesting and chaotic but i dont think anyone considers them their best years. You havent missed out on anything you got fucking decades ahead of you (and some crazy shits gonna be happening in those decades, we will be flying to mars every 18 months starting in 2023 for fucks sake)
fat you can change (which it seems like you are so good for you)
ugly is somewhat subjective (people actually prefer mates that are as attractive as themselves, so 7s like 7s, 9s like 9s, ,etc)
boring is easily fixed (if its even true in the first place)
just have something to talk about, read about things, watch interesting shows and movies, find new hobbies it doesnt matter if you suck just find something and do it for a while and see how it goes.
mind me asking which drugs ur on?
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>>8410739
i don't know how it is so infeasible for people to understand just because you aren't attracted to a certain body type doesn't mean you should have a new sexuality.
straight people have preferences too but they don't create some entirely new category for it dude
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>>8415053
>mind me asking which drugs ur on?
Sertraline and Sulpiride if you're talking about meds for depression.
4mg Progynova, 100mg spiro, 2.5mg finasteride, if you're talking about hormones. Progesterone in gel form.
None, if you're talking about substance abuse.
> fat you can change (which it seems like you are so good for you)
I'm working on it, and I think I'm gonna look relatively attractive if I have normal weight. It's just kinda discouraging how long it's gonna take, especially as I irrationally feel that life is rapidly passing me by and how unfulfilled in life I feel. My meds for depression usually help me keep my strong negative emotions in check, but occasionally I still slip. It's also not easy to recover from 7 years of debilitating depression(from 17 to 24) and suddenly become an active functional person.
>>8415129
Well, I'm not saying I'm not bi. Just that my preference in men is much more specific than my preference in women. If you read further, you'll see that my rant is mainly about loneliness rather than sexuality.
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