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So I know that I'm going to have to kill myself because there's no way for me to afford surgeries, the waitlists are too long anyway, etc. But I've been at this so long, and I've had so many wacky experiences and adventures that I think it would be a waste just to die anticlimactically in this house, like hanging myself on a doorknob or something. So I'm wondering if there's a good way to make a final statement, something that really brings home the fact that I could have lived, if things hadn't been so shitty and unfair?
I guess I could write a manifesto, or just like a long note explaining everything, that might help. But I can't really think of a way to make the death itself meaningful. One thing I've been thinking about is eschewing the note altogether, going to the club like normal, and agreeing to go home with a guy instead of running away like I usually do. A tall, reasonably athletic looking guy, and not a numale type. Older and maybe not even white, someone who will obviously freak out and try to kill me when he finds out about the penis. That way, I get a final "adventure", an adrenaline rush right before the end, just me and someone trying to hurt me. And I'll be remembered as a victim instead of just another suicide.
Still, the whole prospect seems scary, so I'd have to get ridiculously plastered. Which seems easy enough, but I'm still not sure this is a death that really feels "right" to me, it's a little too reliant on the tranny angle, which I never really liked (obviously). Does anyone have any better ideas?
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Don't do it anon. What a waste it would be to lose someone that's going through what you are.
And clearly, if the tranny angle isn't enough to die for, then why die? I find it ironic that the last thing you want to do before you die is feel alive, when you have a whole life ahead of you: what else do you think it's for?
Life is for living, not dying.
Sort your shit out anon.
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>>7825919
>I can't really think of a way to make the death itself meaningful
death is meaningless anon
but so is life
you have to make your own meaning out of it
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>>7825919
There's an easier way.
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>>7825970
>I find it ironic that the last thing you want to do before you die is feel alive, when you have a whole life ahead of you: what else do you think it's for?
My life is a room and a computer screen, nothing really happens except when I go out and get drunk and weird shit happens to me. And the times when I get hurt or touched are some of the only times when I get to feel like a good person, since I finally feel like a victim and not someone who fucks things up for other people. So the murder fantasy just kinda comes second nature to someone like me, my gender and my identity are too wrapped up in what it means to be dangerous or harmless.
>>7826008
She wouldn't kill me, although I can dream. Unless you're suggesting I shoot myself afterwards, which would be a pretty male way to go out, doesn't sound right for me.
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>>7825919
Get on hormones and die a slow death where you slowly spiral deeper into despair and your sanity breaks down completely.
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Don't do it anon. Things suck now but if you commit an hero they'll never get better.
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>>7825919
everyone wants you dead, i don't understand what you're waiting for.
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>>7825919
I care less about it being cool and more about not suffering a lot while doing it.
Also I need to wait for my mom to go because I don't really want her to find my dead body in my room and have a heart attack.
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>>7825919
murder dianne feinstein in public with a halberd
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>>7825919
Sorry you feel like that op I'm in the same situation as you so I feel you on some aspects like surgeries are way to expensive and hormones are good but I'm still a hon unfortunately. I don't feel the aspect of being cool though I think I wanna do it right rather than sending a message. I don't want to end up disfigured or end up in a psych ward. I'm just waiting to clear up some debts than see what happens
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>>7825919
I heard death from blood loss is comfy
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>>7826266
This method has always seemed pretty comfy, just need to figure out a place to do this that isn't my house, I hate this place and don't want to die here. Maybe a hotel, or a close friend's house, make sure they let me sleep in a room alone or they go out for the night.
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>>7826266
it gets cold though so put on some blankets
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>>7826288
>close friend
You want them to help you pick up your body after that?
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>>7826288
> close friend's house
don't do this
don't destroy the life of the people around you as well - you will already cause a lot of harm by comitting suicide don't make it worse for them
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>>7825919
>tfw you carry out you initial plan but he doesn't end up minding and you start dating one another and fall in love and get married and he pays for your surgeries. Then one day when you two are walking home after a romantic evening he gets murdered protecting you from a mugger and his spirit follows you around and he possesses Whoopy Goldberg and you have sex and become a disgusting transbian and just anyway
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>>7825919
Shoot up a refugee centre or just go to a school in an ethnic district and kill all the non-aryans you see. I'm saying this unironically.
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>>7826266
Is there a high failure rate for doing like this?
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>>7826528
That would be wild, but I don't think a normal guy would have enough money to pay for my surgeries.
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So, yeah, first, I'm French, so sorry for my bad english; but I just couldn't ignore this post.
I know that your question is not "should I kill myself ?", but "How to kill myself", so you probably don't want us to try to dissuade you. But please, read that anyway, ok ?
I know that you're in a period when everything seems you hopeless, and when you don't see a reason to live. I have been there too, believe me; but I'm still here, and I'm happy to be so. And I'm sure you can pass through this too. Do you have family, friends, to whom you can talk ? If you do, talk about your problem, and I'm sure they will support you. Even if you don't have anybody, I know this is not a great comfort, but we are still here : in any case, there are people who care. And when you will be finally out of this black spiral, you'll be able to stretch your middle finger to the life, because you will have beaten the problems that have sent you this bitch.
So, to conclude, keep courage : one day, you will be able to have surgerie, to accept yourself, and to have your happy ever after. But hey, you have to deserve it, and this is now you must be strong.
You're worth something, never forget that.
I know that is probably not very original, and certainly badly written (it's Google translate's fault !), but if it can help you, if only a little, it will means that it was worth it.
Sorry again for the bad english, and be strong.
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