So what is one supposed to do in this situation?
Your partner wants to kill themselves really badly.
You're the only thing preventing them, multiple times daily stopping them from walking out and offing themselves.
They are constantly going back into depressive states, every single day, and it has become extremely tiring and is wearing you out.
Literally anything will, for lack of a better word, trigger them into such states, there is no predicting it. They'll also just randomly do it themselves, all the time.
If you broke up with them and kicked them out, they'd just go kill themselves. Same for breaking up with them and not kicking them out. Yet you're tired of it all and just want to be free of it. You want to break up with them and stop dealing with this stress, but you also don't want them to kill themselves.
On top of this it's only this constant stress of dealing with someone so suicidal, helpless, hopeless, and pathetic, that makes you want to break up with them. Aside from that the relationship of years has been wonderful, in fact the most compatible relationship you've ever had, also the longest lasting one. You've lived together for years. It's just this constant recurring depression, which has worsened over the years despite them only coming closer to their "dream life", which is making you want to end it just to be free of the stress.
You would miss them after breaking up, and knowing they were going to kill themselves at that point would only make it worse. Many, many things would be ruined, even just breaking up with them and them not killing themselves, there would be so many reminders of them and it would still hurt to do it. But the stress is just so much. I wish I could just pawn them off on someone and let them be their boyfriend and fill this role instead so I knew they would be okay or at least live. This is all just too much.
What do?
I wish I had a bf who was so reliant on me.
>>6888463
No you don't.
They're not reliant, they keep wanting to walk out and fucking off themselves and I have to stop them, over and over.
>>6888447
can't you have him committed?
I'd ask if you're my girlfriend but it seems like you're a guy and my girlfriend is sitting next to me rn.
>>6888447
Maybe they'd be better off if they ended their suffering though. Suicide isn't so bad, their life must clearly be hell so it would be cruel to force them to keep living.
You should talk it over with them and try to empathise with their perspective instead of just thinking about how *you* might lose a cuddle buddy if they weren't here suffering.
>>6888447
Leave them. If they cant get over their depression while in a relation ship with you they shouldnt be with you. You are not their parent, its not your responsability to fix their depression, nor should you have to deal with it.
Being separated from them may even improve their condition, you don't know until you try.
>>6888471
>No you don't.
Yes, I do. I had a bf who was like this. But he ended up leaving me.
>>6888483
Lol yeah no.
I could get another cuddle buddy no problem, but because unlike you I am sane and pretty normal, it would weigh on me heavily knowing I let someone I love kill themselves. Their life isn't that bad and I'd trade in an instant, I think they have something legitimately wrong with them, maybe some chemical imbalance or something wrong with their brain.
>>6888476
Yeah most likely but from what they said that'd likely end in them offing themselves anyway.
>>6888490
I would love it if it were as easy as letting them go but them killing themselves will not result in an improvement of their condition, and that's exactly what would happen if I let them go. That is the root of my dilemma.
>>6888515
I'm not saying it can't weigh on you heavily, just don't let your sanity and normality cruelly force someone who doesn't want to live to keep living for the sake of your own selfish feelings. It's ultimately their life and their choice, and if they're as bad as you say they are it could be the humane thing to let them go.
And just because they look like they have an easy life doesn't mean it can't be hell for them, if they have some serious mental illness they could end up miserable regardless of the situation, and the way most doctors try to fix that is giving them what is essentially a chemical lobotomy until they can't even think straight enough to be miserable.
Do you actually love them, or do you love the idea of them? Do you want them to have what *they* want, or do you want them to have what you think is best for them?
>>6888553
How about this: go shove your edgy teen angst and fake suicidal bullshit right up your ass, and then actually go and kill yourself.
I won't be responding to your teen angsty reply btw.
>>6888591
Looks like I hit a nerve. You're clearly very unstable and don't value human life as much as you pretend to, you're probably the reason why your boyfriend wants to kill themselves tbqh. They would definitely be better off without you.
>>6888492
how the hell did you deal with being worried for them all the time you weren't with them?
It hurt so much when I found out about my bf's suicide attempt and seeing his wrists bandaged.
and god when i pleaded with him to stop cutting when i saw the massive gashes in his arms...
>>6888447
strongly suggest that they go to therapy. if that doesn't help, you could, hypothetically, call the authorities the next time they threaten to kill themselves, and they would get temporarily placed in a hospital under close supervision.
it's a shitty situation all around and, aside from therapy (which isn't a guaranteed solution), there is no true good answer. just remember that you are not responsible for them, and whatever happens, you did the best you could.
>>6888609
>how the hell did you deal with being worried for them all the time you weren't with them?
I've been lonely all my life, and I never had that many friends. The few 'buddies' I did have made fun of me and put me down. I never felt wanted or important, and I was a loner.
So it was completely desirable when this ex-boyfriend of mine wanted and needed me to comfort him. It was a great feeling - to suddenly be wanted with such desperation and urgency by someone who absolutely needs you.
I genuinely did love him. I just wish he hadn't left me.
>>6888640
>I've been lonely all my life, and I never had that many friends. The few 'buddies' I did have made fun of me and put me down. I never felt wanted or important, and I was a loner.
same for me but i knew that I alone couldn't help him. He didn't leave me but I stayed with him until he got the help he needed. We may not be together anymore but I'm glad to know that he's still alive and that he can live without me because that's what he really needed.
smoke da weeds mon. and take out a life insurance pollicey
>>6888447
set hard boundaries for your own good op. help them interact with other people so you don't have to take all that pressure. letting them know how much they are hurting you isn't going to be fun, but the alternative is choking you.
be there for them and love them but know that they want you to value yourself too and would tell you so if they were in their right mind.
>>6888447
Next time he has an episode call the police, get him sectioned and then cut all ties and walk away forever. If he's genuinely suicidal then you can't help him, and if it's just for attention then he's a cunt. There is no point trying to love a depressive, they will grind you down until you leave or become suicidal yourself.
>>6888447
Were they always like this or did you know them at a better time?
Suicide IS a cry for help. Either they need counseling or theyre probably just bullshitting for ulterior reasons. Like they fear youre gonna leave them so they act suicidal to keep you tied down to them. Why are they with you if everything is so miserable? Are you the conduit of their misery or are you a temporary escape to them?
Either way they need to be committed.
I have depression and it sucks, it's a real illness and one that is life-threatening.
Your case is the same as having to take care of a disabled boyfriend. What you don't seem to grasp is that depression and being suicidal are not things he is choosing of his free will. He's sick and needs help. It's not some relationship miscommunication or a quirk he has, he's severely sick and dying. Your bf is a terminal patient who is about to die. It's just that the way he's dying is misleading and making the situation confusing.
After you have understood this, the answer will be extremely simple:
You either love him enough to look for a cure together or you leave him to do it by himself because it's too much work for you.
Ultimately it's your life and if you aren't commited enough, helping someone who is terribly sick is an enormous amount of work. Lots of people lose their relationship when they fall terribly sick, be it depression, cancer, or whatever. Sick patients are abandoned. Normally only their real family cares, sometimes not even them. Fighting isn't easy and there are a a lot of fair-weather SOs out there. You can choose to be one of them or not, after you fully understand the situation. What you need to understand is he doesn't have a choice about being sick.
If you decide to stay by his side, my personal recommendation is therapy, meds suck. Also the little things help; sunlight, exercise, diet. They won't cure you overnight but they add up in small bits.
Basically be informed and take action. Just preventing suicide isn't enough, right now you're stuck at a zero sum game.
Hope this helped.
PS: NEVER listen to people saying "let him kill himself, he is suffering". NEVER.
>>6888447
Wow, being a fag seems like such a great life
>>6892624
this is a really good response, please listen to this advice OP
>>6892624
You, be my bf
i've been with my s/o for what's gonna be 12 years next month... in that time we've been through a lot of shit, and there's been times where i've wanted to leave... but i'm happy i didn't, what i have with him isn't something i can have with someone else, and part of a relationship is dealing with the hard shit that comes your way
i know firsthand dealing with someone else's depression is hard, and i know that it can get really fucking bad... but that doesn't mean it won't get better... where he's at now doesn't have to be his forever, and it's not an indicator of his future...
someone like your bf needs love, support, and honestly profession help... you can't provide the last one, but you can provide the first two and be honest with him and tell him that if he doesn't get professional help this can and will destroy your relationship...
don't stay if the only reason is concern he might kill himself, cuz that's not what loving someone is... but if you do love him help him get the help he needs and see if things change
rough patches don't mean a relationship is doomed, and being at the end of your threshhold for what you can take happens sometimes in a long term relationship... longterm relationships are hard, that's why so many people have a hard time maintaining them... if it was easy more people would be in them
about a month ago i was sitting with my s/o and things were great, and all i could think about is how had i walked out when things had been hard i would've missed out on the most meaningful part of my life... and things are so much better now for us both cuz neither of us did that (not gonna lie, i have my own issues it's not one-sided)
i can't tell you how shit might work out for both of you, but i can tell you that shit can improve and be worth the mind numbingly hard shit
it's up to you, but getting him help might be worth it...
>>6888447
https://youtu.be/3ngdFmGzaow
Break up with them. If their depression is affecting your happiness, its time to let go.
>>6893514
professional*
It sounds like he is hurting. Threatening body harm is not indicative of only depression but a slew of other issues;
>body image
>self worth
>existential
>identity
>self control
>emotional regulation
It is likely you are pushing him to this since you mean so much to him that he would kill himself. You might not be kicking it off but his needs are not being met, that is an OBJECTIVE FACT. You need to talk to him about what he is missing, he has very likely been waiting for you to ask but doesn't want to burden you.
Him telling you does in no way obligate you to stick around or even help but if you haven't even thought to ask or fixing anything major seems like too much effort I promise he is better off without you.
Story time? Story time
>have devastating body image issues
>trapped in relationship with someone who threatened me with suicide as well as assault from their family if I leave before she is ready to say goodbye
>threats are credible, she has had numerous attempts, one of which took place in the relationship made shortly before this threat was made
>attempt was poorly executed, tried to eat a bottle of Benadryll lol
>what is LD50?
>2 years later/1 year ago; gender identity issues are too much to hold back and she is supportive
>at first
>feel her support dwindle as I go from being her boyfriend to her girlfriend
>unwilling to assume any dominant role in the bedroom or otherwise without coaxing despite my dysphoria.
>Being dominant makes me hate myself, which she is well aware of.
>mitigate dysphoria with running at local park
>I want her to run with me so we can be fit together
>incapable of running for longer than 10s at a time and slows me down, ruining my workout and making me anxious about gaining weight.
>my workout schedule is ruined
>she gets mad if I workout without her
>while refusing to *actually* try to work out at all
>would rather be lazy and comfortable than help me to feel better about myself
>wellfuckmeiguess.rar
>>>CONT>>>
>>6893690
>dysphoria reaches critical levels due to weight gain from not working out regularly and stress
>find someone that makes me feel good about myself because I can't leave her.
>cheat 3x
>stop because I feel bad
>start back up with guy a few months later, mess around a few more times but end it again because of guilt
>feel bad for cheating, feel bad for wanting to leave, feel bad because I have no choice but to stay
>dysphoria gets really bad
>have staycation for New Year's Eve at local hotel
>spend 2 hours getting ready (shower, full body shave, face shave, shared bath with nice bath bombs)
>feeling girly as fuck
>she half asses the sex
>can't even be what I need her to be for one night
>all time low
>get killer job at the beginning of the year
>have been working towards it for YEARS
>move out with her since we can afford it now
>she doesn't drive and needs help getting around
>roommate totally welches on deal to help her with rides
>it's all up to me
>balance picking her up from work super late and taking her to school super early the next day
>performance at dream job suffers
>dream job transfers me to a side project they have
>investors on that side project don't think my job is important after 1 month
>performance still suffering because she is apparently too good to take the bus everyday like millions of other people do every single day
>company 'runs out of money'
>back to square one professionally
>job was distracting me from dysphoria
>it's back with a vengeance now
>person who makes me feel good about myself hits me up just one day after we agree to see other people but still live together and try to work shit out
>wellwouldyoulookatthattiming.iso
>>6888447
Sounds like they're taking themselves hostage to manipulate you into staying.
Leave and never return. You aren't responsible for that piece of shit, whether they kill themselves or not is entirely their fault. Don't give yourself too much credit, they would have done it with anyone they could sink their claws into. Chances are, they were bluffing and they'll do it again.
Leave.
>>6893744
>start seeing this person again
>feel good about myself again
>'hey so there's a friend I wanna try to date, but I don't feel super strongly about him'
>lies
>'we will take it slow, I promise. You won't get locked out, I promise!'
>lies
>first night they spend together end up fucking eachother's faces out until 5am
>that's not taking it slow
>you were supposed to go on a date and chill at the house for a bit
>but he ended up staying the night
>they plan to have sex before she even tells me about what happened
>NOPE
>lose my shit because she lied about so much shit
>how she felt about him
>him spending the night
>taking it slow
>they continue to see eachother, as does my person and myself
>he tells her he loves her
>after one single month of them being physical
>because he is clingy
>she says it back
>because she too is clingy
>gets progressively more distant
>spends more time in the other room on her phone talking to him
>talks to him while I make her dinner
>talks to him while she eats the dinner I made
>talks to him while I drive her to work
>talks to him while I drive her back at 1am
>camps out on the toilet for 45 minutes at a time watching Vlogs and talking to him
>feel ignored and replaced
>tell her the truth about my person and how long we have been physical
>tell her how she makes me feel bad about myself
>tell her how he makes me feel good about myself
>tell her I still love her and how much happier we were after I did what I did and how he didn't change anything and made me appreciate her more
>don't expect her to be happy, just expect her to be reasonable
>'I don't love you anymore'
>R E K T
>have daily anxiety attacks over feeling beyond worthless
>have daily anxiety attacks over dysphoria
>become controlling because obviously she can't be trusted to not fuck shit up
>also because when I have these attacks I romanticize self harm
>she is the only thing that fixes it
>'you are being too controlling'
>literally feel like I'm going to die because of anxiety over being controlling which was spawned over anxiety about worthlessness and insecurity which was spawned from her lying to my face
>become more controlling
>d y s p h o r I a
>a little more controlling
>D Y S P H O R I A
>'you need help!'
>go to ER after driving recklessly hoping I will crash
>wait to talk to someone for 4 hours
>leave, go to another ER
>they tell me I need to stay overnight
>talk to Doctor
>'sounds like you need to let her go'
>send her texts telling her exactly how done I am because it is literally killing me to be with her
>move her shit into the living room
>tell her to GTFO
>she gets the Popo involved
>served a restraining order at work
>can't come within 500 feet of her
>go home go to sleep after work
>wake up
>she took the cat to her moms
>our cat
>call police to file report before I go to work
>'we can't do shit about it'
>'also you aren't supposed to be here'
>wat.jpg
>'restraining order applies to the house too'
>literally homeless
>get taken away in cuffs
>out of my own home
>where I pay rent
>because she can't handle that I'm over her and her bullshit
>and filed a frivolous restraining order to get even
>says I unlawfully imprisoned her in my car when I didn't let her leave
>left out the part about us traveling at 45 MPH at the time
>left out that we were on an overpass
>says I unlawfully imprisoned her in the house
>because she was threatening self harm and we live right down the street from the same overpass
>says I threatened her new bf
>only if he ever hurts her, physically
>lies lies and more lies
>>6893690
I've already spoken with them about what makes them feel this way, and none of it has anything to do with me. It's all shit from their distant past haunting them.
>>6893755
The thing is they actually -want- to leave and kill themselves, but they don't want to break it off, they want me to break it off and let them leave. It's more complicated than that but I don't feel like spelling it all out, suffice as to say that they're not doing it to hold me hostage. On top of this they're not faking it, they already have an unsuccessful attempt in the past, basically took a bottle of pills, passed out, woke up the next day.
>>6893996
Just let them say it I don't mind.
T. OP
>>6894021
Just wanted to give you some perspective from my point of view in a similar situation
>>6894136
Is that where the story leaves off btw? I'm sorry you had to put up with someone so literally crazy.
It's a toxic relationship for both of you. Sounds like your partner is either trying to force you to stay with him through emotional abuse or he really is that sick and is too volatile for you to handle alone. At the very least you should try to get him to agree to have another person, even if they're not a therapist, to help out with the situation. If he won't get help he'll just drag you down with him. In this situation I think you will need to leave him and save yourself.
>>6894341
For now, court date on Thursday will reveal more. I'm going to go and simply ask that I be allowed to get my possessions.
>>6893868
You are both retarded and should remove yourselves from life at the earliest convenience.
>>6888447
I get where you're at OP. I got into a LDR when i was about 16 with a guy in his late 20's. He was severely depressed and was always telling me if i ever left he would kill himself. Tell me how he would self harm whenever we weren't on skype with eachother. Wake me up at the most ridiculous fucking times (like 4am) because he was going to kill himself and i'd have to talk him down out of it. This went on for like two and a half years until i had a whole bunch of more personal shit go down in a short amount of time and i just didn't have the energy or patience to deal with him anymore and cut all contact. I don't know where he is or what ever really happened to him, he tried contacting me a few months ago but i just ignored it.
I get where you're at OP, it's not easy when you care about someone and want the best for them, but they're dragging you down with them. You have to do what is the best for you OP, you obviously care about them and don't want him to do anything to hurt himself, but sometimes there just isn't much you can do and you have to ask yourself, do you want him to take you down with him?