>playing multiplayer game >character is a girl >guy

Story of my life.

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>>6738985
This

>Playing games/using steam with female names and characters
>Treated like a girl
>Anxiety fucking hits, heavy breath, my heart is skipping many beats
>Omg its happening
>Look down
>Oh
>Absolute depression during the next days

>Be 14
>Play a woman on a roleplaying server for the first time
>Heart starts racing
>Start physically shaking
>Feel incredibly afraid for some reason
>Fight through the fear
>"Well that was weird I bet it meant nothing at all HOHOHOHOHO"
Imagine my life if I wasn't a fucking idiot and took that as a sign.

Have you thought about talking to this guy more about yourself?

>>6739423
KEK IKTF
HAHAHAHA *ugly sobbing*

>Play as a female character (M&B)
> brother comments on it whenever he sees I'm playing (I say it is for lolz)
> I let him use my steam through family mod
> for some reason he saw a message I sent
> I was commenting on another players sexy moustache
> I can hear his laugh from next room
> he says I can't look at you the same way anymore (jokingly)
> I say it's all about the trolling, stop mocking me

he also saw me playing skyrim as a female character after we discovered sexing mods

does he know it?

>>6739816
he knows

>>6739423
holy shit the memories came flooding back how did I forget
>Core game had clothes change based on the character's gender
>Play on a custom server
>Server had skirts and dresses
>Author didn't bother making "male" versions
>make my rogue crossdress in secret *in the game*
>Later have them be turned into a woman by an "evil wizard" :^)
how dense can one person be

>>6740532
I mean
>initially pick males in vanilla WoW when I was ~12
>trolls, undead, dwarfs, but never the more human races
>Making alliance characters
>try to play male human warrior but can't
>end up making female character and it feels a lot more natural/normal
>make progressively less male characters over the years, eventually never make males
>playing Skyrim, send gloating screenshot to my friend who's a consolefag 'cause my game looks bomb as fuck
>dude why are you playing a girl
>uhhhhhh I dunno the guys look weird in this game
>not really
>whatever man, I like playing girls. They just look better
>still don't figure out why I always feel weird when I look at myself for like 2-3 years

>>6738985
I used to play as a gril but once I transitioned, I started playing as a guy and it doesn't trigger me one bit anymore

It's so weird, I think it's because I'm not as insecure anymore and can actually just focus on the fucking game

Fuck, I guess it must have been a sign
>always preferred playing female characters in games when I was younger. Later make ones in games that had character creation. Never thought this was significant
At least I started hormones this year at age18/19, that's early enough to pass... R-right?...

The feels in this thread

>Play WoW
>Every other character is female at first
>Start playing them more and more and make a female persona
>stop playing male characters at all
>Have a circle of friends that I play with for a few years, they know me as a girl
>Brother joined my server to raid at one point and witnessed people flirting with me and it was awk
>eventually know these people outside WoW, play D&D with online platforms, steam games etc and get to know 3 of them really well
>7-8 years later turns out one of them is FtM
>Decide I should come out as well
>I do, and they break off contact with me as I start transitioning

The full story is way more dramatic and sad actually. But regardless, I'd been playing female characters since my runescape days... THANKS VIDEOGAMES.

>>6744674
I'm sorry. Would you mind sharing ?

>always make female characters
> play skyrim as female in first person
>install hundreds of clothing and hair mods
>install first person body mod
>install sex mod
>have sex with guys and suck cock in first person
yup turns out i'm het trans...

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I see i am not the only skyrim fan here, so i will share my story
>create mod that turns Cicero into a female and use a voice morpher to record his lines of dialogue in higher pitch
>upload mod to nexus and people fucking love it, a real female offers to voice him for me.
> i make another mod that turns Hiemskyr into a female, with ema watsons voice recorded from her UN speech
>Turn Ulric Storm cloak into a female, another real life female does her voice, cosplay her as Saber

this year
>can't bring myself to open skyrim anymore, it hurts me on the inside
>starting hormones

>>6744820
>turns Skyrim characters female
>is trans
WELP, can't say that's too surprising

Besides that though, congrats on the cool mods, every game is better with more qts

>>6744820

So you're that modder. I can't say I expected this.

>>6744677
Because you asked I guess I'll elaborate.. I've only told this once before on here.

Basically in terms of my personal life, it started out as "I just want to see if it's better"

>Start off playing female characters in RP games and stuff for when no one else is around
>Like it too much cause it seems to validate me
>Started playing more and more as a female to the point I developed a female persona with name, pictures, etc to support the role.
>Eventually that role took over my online life completely
>This caused a weird online transition phase where people weren't sure if I was a guy or a girl since the two accidentally merged, and I was uncomfortable giving a straight answer (Get it, hahahah..) so most friends bailed

And this is right around where I met the 2 of the 3 people in WoW that I knew really well

>They were doing nexus, I was randomly grouped with them, we seemed to get along and they invited me to hang out after
>As time stretched on we joined the same guilds, even made a few of our own, and got to know each other more and I got to know a third person
>The first 2 were becoming pretty close friends with me though, one was a girl the other was a guy
>They used to date but weren't anymore at the time, but I kinda knew I'd always be third wheel due to my situation so I was content with that
>Have a moment where I can't afford to play the game much anymore, so they add me on steam and stuff
>Steam still hadn't transferred to 100% female persona so I was worried they'd think something was up, but apparently it was girly enough
>More time passes and the guy offers to pay for my subscription if I raid with him

.cont

>>6747095

>I decide okay, I don't want to take advantage of my friend so I can just buy him steam games later when I have money and make it up or something (which is what I ended up doing)
>I raid with them again for a bit and continue to get closer, and the girl a few times is convinced I have a crush on the guy, which to be fair I liked him but the problem is I knew I'd never be with him
>Since she was seeing someone else, me and the guy ended up kinda becoming friends with benefits in a sorta way, which was nice because the RP was like a pseudo-relationship I could vicariously live through
>It felt right and natural to just be the girl in the 'relationship' but at some point it started getting a little too close
>At this point my mom passes away from cancer, and he's experienced something similar so he kinda tries to help me through it, but I'm stuck with a difficult decision
>I have to get a job in order to support myself asap, and I decide IRL that I either need to transition ASAP or repress
>For some reason I'm a total retard and decide if I get the easier/more fun job overseas that I'd enjoy (Japan if curious, call me weeb if you want idgaf) that I'd be able to repress
>If I get the more difficult/boring job where I live I'll transition with the extra money
>Western countries got shit on during the depression, so I end up overseas
>I tell them I gotta go work in Japan to support myself and I dunno how much I'll see them
>I end up trying to cut contact because this shit isn't normal and I think I should stop cause it's probably just perverted
>I end up getting extremely lonely over there, and actually spend my time at home dressing as a girl and don't leave my shitty apartment.
>Realize that I went to Japan to get away from this but it's obv not going away, so I decide I need to transition while over there
>I get back in contact with my friends and start to pickup from where we left off. However, my two friends have gotten back together
cont

>Be 10 year old me
>Playing THUGS 2, first game I played with character creation
>Make a character like Kanna from Inuyasha
>Enjoy the fuck out of the game
>Tell people, when they ask why I made a girl character, that it's just because I have a crush on Kanna
(legitimately thought that was why... but retrospectively I kinda feel like a lot of my childhood crushes were based on admiration and wanting to be that person than wanting to be with that person or some shit)
>Finish game and immediately start a new one
>Try creating a character in resemblance of myself
>The character creation was really weird and when I started playing I didn't care for it at all
>Thought it was just cause I was bored with the game, since I just finished it
>Come back 2 weeks later after not playing anything and try game again
>Decide to make another female character
>Enjoy the fuck out of the game again

I ended up doing the exact same thing the first time I played Fallout 3... played through it the first time as a female character and loved the ever living fuck out of the game. Decided to start the game again right after finishing first playthrough but gave myself some role-playing rules to make it feel fresher... tried making a male character but I hated the way he sounded and looked like, so I went back to a female character. After that I never bothered making a male character in games again but it never clicked with me that it was because I hated being male myself.

>>6747141

>I knew I'd never have an actual chance at the time, plus the guy was straight and somewhat homophobic. I also knew they'd always get back together so I'm happy for them.
>Things go back to normal for a while besides the fact I'm kind of personally lonely
>But I get to talk to him a lot so it makes up for it, even if the flirting has died down completely.
>His gf starts to work at EA games and has to work from texas so they move
>She ends up having to spend most of her time at work and doesn't like playing MMO's as much, so I end up spending time with the guy in them.
>I start realizing I'm getting too close to him after a few weeks of this, so I distance myself a bit and there's a quiet period, and when I come back I get asked wtf and I say I just needed some space that's all
>Realize I'm going to have to periodically get away from this guy to avoid falling for him completely. His personality was kinda edgy like mine but I thought he had a good heart and he was also smart.
>I've begun HRT which took a while due to therapy being kinda gatekeeper-ish, but everything seems to be the same other than the fact I'm falling for this guy too easily
>Eventually he asks why I keep distancing myself and I just explain it flat out cause I trust him to understand
>He says it's not a problem and he doesn't mind if I get too close to him, and I'm an idiot and believe this despite being a tranny

cont

>>6747164
And then everything explodes at this point

>I'm getting increasingly mood swingy at this point of my transition (thanks HRT :D) and a bit unstable so my emotions are kinda running my life at the time
>I then find out that his girlfriend is actually technically his guyfriend, in the sense that she's an FtM who started transitioning.
>I found out he's increasingly worried about not being attracted to her anymore
>I feel kinda gross cause my transition is very early stages so I'm scared to get close, but I feel like I should probably tell him at some point
>We used to have a rule that we'd just fade to black when RP got erotic, but at some point we just played chicken with eachother in the sense that we'd keep edging towards sexual things more and more to wait for the other person to cut to black
>No one cut to black
>We seem to reason it out, I assume his guyfriend isn't very sexual with him due to what I've been told so I dunno, I basically let my emotions decide 'hey let's keep doing this because it's nice :^D"
>The problem is we realize we're actually falling for eachother and it's not just ERP, and we both agree that's a different line to cross and we should actually bring this up with his guyfriend.
>It turns out at this same time, I had been talking to his guyfriend about trans shit because I was curious and also I used to be scared to death of him when he was a girl. I always felt intimidated by them and didn't really know why but things made sense when he came out as trans
>I realized I had common ground with him and talked with him more and more until I just spat out that I'm MtF

It was literally at this moment that the two things happening met, the guyfriend helped me explain I was trans, and the guy I accidentally fell for explained that we accidentally developed feelings for eachother.

Basically drama sitcom shitfest, and about a month later they had blocked me on everything. If only I had been quiet until after transition?..

>>6747207
Well, you learned a valuable lesson hopefully, everybody hates mtfs, even if they like ftms. lol, jk, but also kinda serious

>>6747237
Pretty much, the one take-away I get from this is that he never considered his girlfriend as a guy even after he came out as FtM. If he did, he wouldn't have said certain things to me when I came out and he obv wouldn't be dating him and insisting it's 100% straight because he was biologically female.

So I kinda get that he'd never consider me a girl in the same way he'd never consider his guyfriend a guy.

>"You should have told me so I didn't accidentally fall in love with you"

Those words will probably haunt me lol.

>>6747281
Awww, I'm sorry anon, I know the feeling... : /

Conceal, don't feel. Don't let them know.

It will never end well with a cis person.

>>6747352
It's okay, while I'm not over the fact our friendship ended yet (which I cared about more than any romantic feelings), I've tried to move on. I'm dating a pretty cute trans girl who gets me and I don't have to lie to.

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>>6745365
>congrats on the cool mods
Thanks fampai, its good to know something good came from my age of represion

>>6746174
yup, neither did I. I think last year i was making those mods because my dysphoria was growing so much stronger and i always used skyrim to express my tranny feelings.


Looking back though, i fucking hate myself for using vidya to escape my dysphoria. I realy fucked my self over in the end by waiting

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tfw you have a fat fetish (male or female), and always want there to be the option to play a fat character in an RPG but there hardly ever is

(there have only been a few games to really implement this well, like fable 2 and GTA 4).

>>6747207
I'm sorry you had to go through that. Be well!

>>6749815
You should seriously consider kys

>>6750230
STOP FATSHAMING YOU FATCIST, FATSEXUALS ARE REAL PEOPLE TOO!
#FATLIVESMATTER

>>6738985
You need to become a girl anon, it's the only way

>>6750277
kek

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I relate to every single post on here
The signs will be all around me my whole life
My physique at 20 years old is way too manly to ever be truly passing with any amount of money hormones or surgery.

I fucking hope there is a next life where I'm born right
Night, night comes to Texas...

>>6756008
Isn't 20 usually salvagable?

>>6756066
not with my broad frame it's not

>>6756066
it depends on whether or not it's essential for you to 100% pass to the point of being able to stealth.

people who start in their early 20's can become cute and conforming enough to be accepted by their peers and have the public generally not double take or give a shit about them, but usually by that age enough damage has been done that a person looking to clock you will clock you.

the late teens can really do a person in. depending on the person, you'll usually have your last significant upward growth spurt between 16 and 18, but height isn't actually the biggest worry. at some point in your late teens, if you are unlucky and have the genes for it, your upper body broadens out. your ribcage broadens, your shoulders broaden, your chest broadens.
i've seen people who were really, really lucky and didn't have the genes for that upper body broadness.
i wasn't so lucky, i broadened out at 17.
it's a death sentence.

also, bone plates in the hips etc usually fully fuse at 23, but if you want mones to have a significant effect on hip width you need to be starting as early as possible, again ideally prior to you last growth spurt.

so really i think the cut-off age for 100% deep stealth passing is 16, and no matter how cute an mtf who started at 20 might be, she'll never be 100% and of all people, she will be the one who constantly sees where she fails when she looks at herself in the mirror.

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>>6739312
>playing gmod hide & seek
>feminine/andro steam name & "feminine pic"
>people wondering what gender I am, guessing female
>feel finally validated
>anxiety but happy at the same time, like previous anons
>mom calls me for tea
>we have convo about me having to take on my "male duties", helping dad in maintenance etc because 19th birthday is soon
>been down for a few weeks now

>>6756222
FUCKING DELETE THIS REEEEEEEEEE
i accidentally told my psychiatrist i wasn't in a hurry to transition but it was a misunderstandiiing REEEEEE

>>6757517
lol!
deal with it and join the club, you're not the only one